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Okay, here's
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the situation.
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Your parents went away
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on a week's vacation.
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They left the keys to
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the brand new Porsche.
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Would they mind?
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Well, of course not.
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I'll just take
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it for a little spin
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And maybe show it
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off to a couple of friends
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I'll just cruise
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around the neighborhood
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Well, maybe I shouldn't
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Yeah! Of course I should
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Pay attention, here's
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the thick of the plot
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Pulled up to the corner
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at the end of my block
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That's when I
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saw this beautiful
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girly-girl walking
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I picked up my car phone
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To perpetrate
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like I was talking
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Sunroof was open,
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the music was high
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And that girl's
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hand was steadily
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moving up my thigh
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She had opened
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up three buttons
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on her shirt so far
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I guess that's why
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I didn't notice
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that police car
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I can't believe it!
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I made a mistake
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But parents are the same
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No matter time nor place
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So to all you
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kids all across the land
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No need to argue
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Parents just
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don't understand
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Yeah!
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All right!
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Thank you. Thank you.
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Just a little
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something I know.
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So, what's up?
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Someone is on
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fire in Ramsett Park.
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They need you to get
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down there right away.
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Oh, my God.
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I've been spending
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the summer doing
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a lot of zoo promotions.
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For he's
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a jolly good fellow...
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Parrots live
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a very long time.
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So we had a birthday party
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for a parrot that turned 60.
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...which
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nobody can deny
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Chimpanzees are very
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smart, so we had them
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graduate from college.
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And they like to fling
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their feces, so we were
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hoping that they
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would fling their hats.
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But they just
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flung their feces.
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The Pawnee Zoo
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recently purchased
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two South African
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black-footed penguins,
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Tux and Flipper.
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And as part of our
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zoo promotion,
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we are going to give them
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a marriage ceremony,
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because they
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mate for life.
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Tux, do you take
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Flipper, to be your
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lawfully wedded wife?
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I do! I do!
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By the power
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vested in me from
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the Department of
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Parks and Recreation,
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I now pronounce
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you husband and wife!
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Oh!
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Okay, well,
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at least they're married.
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Are they making babies?
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Well, not those two.
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Those are both boy penguins.
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I'm sorry?
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Tux and Flipper
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are both boys.
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So you should
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have pronounced them
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husband and husband,
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technically.
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That's awesome.
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Still, you couldn't
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have asked for
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better weather.
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Brendanawicz,
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you big sandwich eater.
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Oh...
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Cut it out, now.
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Just to be clear,
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that was a friend punch.
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There was
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no flirtatious
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meaning behind
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that playful punch I
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just gave your arm.
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Yes, I do understand.
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You've made it
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abundantly clear
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that there's no
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romantic element
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to our relationship
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in any way.
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Yes. Good. Isn't it
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good to be able to just
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kind of horse around
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like this as friends?
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It is. Yeah.
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Yeah.
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I really hit rock
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bottom that night.
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And I mean that
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I literally fell
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to the bottom of
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a pit and hit a rock.
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I remember
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laying there thinking,
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"There's probably a good
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reason why I'm down
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here and single."
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And then I started thinking,
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"I need morphine."
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Oh, yeah, I hear you made
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two male penguins
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very happy today.
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You're making history,
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Knope. I like that.
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Sticking your
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neck out, you know.
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No, I didn't stick
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my neck out. It was
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an accident.
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Out of the mainstream.
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I think that's cool.
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I'm in the mainstream.
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Yeah, I know.
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No, no. Not out of it.
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Social activism.
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No! Uh-uh.
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People in this
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town don't really like
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their government
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employees being activists.
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Last year, a garbage
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man was suspended
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for wearing
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a Live Strong bracelet.
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Hey, Leslie, some guy
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who owns a gay bar
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sent you a cake.
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Pawnee has a gay bar?
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Yeah.
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The Bulge.
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It's behind my house.
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The Bulge is a gay bar?
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Uh, the nights
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I've wasted there.
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"Leslie! Hey,
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girrrrrrrrl!"
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With eight R's.
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"Thank you for supporting
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the cause of gay marriage.
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"You rock!
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The boys at The Bulge."
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They thought that was
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a political gesture?
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Okay, nobody eat that cake.
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Tom? Step into my office.
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That's also my office.
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Yeah, whatever.
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I know that you are not gay.
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No, I'm not.
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But you're effeminate.
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What?
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Well, you're wearing
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a peach shirt with
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a coiled snake on it.
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Yes, 'cause it was featured
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in Details magazine.
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And it's awesome.
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Effeminate.
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Anyway, so the point is,
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do you think that
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marrying penguins
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made some kind of statement?
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Yes. The statement was
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that you're very lonely
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and you need a pet.
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Huh.
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Leslie? They sent
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you T-shirts, too.
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Oh! Wow, look, they
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sent us a T-shirt.
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Hmm...
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Mine has a collar on it.
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There she is.
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Leslie!
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Hey!
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Hey.
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This is my boyfriend,
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Derek, and this is
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Derek's boyfriend, Ben.
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Hi.
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Hey.
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Oh! Wait, sorry,
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what's the situation?
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What do you mean?
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How does this work?
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Derek is gay,
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but he's straight for me,
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but he's gay
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for Ben, and Ben's
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really gay for Derek.
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And I hate Ben.
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It's not that complicated.
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No.
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Oh. Yeah. Sure.
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The thing about
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youth culture is,
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I don't understand it.
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So what can I
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do for you guys?
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They just really
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wanted to meet you,
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because you're kind
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of like their hero now.
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Oh, oh, April, please,
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it was just penguins.
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No!
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I'm a public servant,
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and I'm not allowed
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to take a political stance.
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But you did,
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and it was awesome.
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Yeah. None of the other
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politicians ever
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take a stand,
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and it means a lot to
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the whole gay community.
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It does, and we're
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gonna have this party
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tomorrow night at The Bulge,
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and we had
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something to ask you.
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We really want you to
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be the guest of honor.
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Oh, my.
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It'd be amazing
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if you came.
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Yeah, you have to come.
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Who made this?
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We did.
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Yeah, we did.
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How?
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Photoshop.
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What? Oh!
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Computers.
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Hey, why are you
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all dolled up?
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It's a long story.
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I'm the guest of honor
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at this gay bar tonight.
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I guess gay men are
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starting to like me.
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I don't know.
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I guess they think
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I'm fabulous or something.
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Well, you look good, girl.
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You're gonna turn
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somebody tonight.
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That was hands-down
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the best interaction
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I've ever had with Donna.
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Leslie, this is
305
00:06:38,990 --> 00:06:42,400
Marcia Langman from
306
00:06:42,460 --> 00:06:45,920
the Society For Family
307
00:06:42,460 --> 00:06:45,920
Stability Foundation.
308
00:06:46,130 --> 00:06:47,830
Oh, hello.
309
00:06:46,130 --> 00:06:47,830
I love your top.
310
00:06:47,900 --> 00:06:49,300
Oh, thank you so much.
311
00:06:49,370 --> 00:06:50,600
I was just hoping
312
00:06:49,370 --> 00:06:50,600
you had a moment
313
00:06:50,670 --> 00:06:52,660
to discuss the events
314
00:06:50,670 --> 00:06:52,660
at the zoo yesterday.
315
00:06:52,740 --> 00:06:55,070
Well, I have nothing
316
00:06:52,740 --> 00:06:55,070
to do with this, so...
317
00:06:55,880 --> 00:07:01,210
Well, what can I do for
318
00:06:55,880 --> 00:07:01,210
you and those fine
319
00:06:55,880 --> 00:07:01,210
people at the SFSF?
320
00:07:01,450 --> 00:07:05,510
Well, you could resign,
321
00:07:01,450 --> 00:07:05,510
if you're up for it.
322
00:07:07,260 --> 00:07:08,350
Oh, you're serious?
323
00:07:08,420 --> 00:07:11,860
When you performed a marriage
324
00:07:08,420 --> 00:07:11,860
for gay penguins,
325
00:07:11,930 --> 00:07:14,730
using taxpayer money
326
00:07:11,930 --> 00:07:14,730
on government property,
327
00:07:14,800 --> 00:07:16,960
you were symbolically
328
00:07:14,800 --> 00:07:16,960
taking a stand
329
00:07:17,030 --> 00:07:19,400
in favor of
330
00:07:17,030 --> 00:07:19,400
the gay marriage agenda.
331
00:07:19,700 --> 00:07:22,670
Oh, I'm sorry, but hold on
332
00:07:19,700 --> 00:07:22,670
a second there, Marcia.
333
00:07:22,740 --> 00:07:25,000
That was not my
334
00:07:22,740 --> 00:07:25,000
intention, at all.
335
00:07:25,140 --> 00:07:27,410
Well, why else would
336
00:07:25,140 --> 00:07:27,410
you marry penguins?
337
00:07:28,340 --> 00:07:31,940
Because I firmly believed
338
00:07:28,340 --> 00:07:31,940
that it would be cute.
339
00:07:28,340 --> 00:07:31,940
And it was.
340
00:07:32,410 --> 00:07:33,540
Leslie, are you married?
341
00:07:33,620 --> 00:07:36,740
No. Not yet, Marcia.
342
00:07:36,820 --> 00:07:40,850
Soon, probably.
343
00:07:36,820 --> 00:07:40,850
I have a plan,
344
00:07:36,820 --> 00:07:40,850
but, no, not now.
345
00:07:40,920 --> 00:07:42,860
Not dating anyone yet.
346
00:07:42,920 --> 00:07:44,120
Focusing on my career.
347
00:07:44,390 --> 00:07:45,520
I thought so.
348
00:07:45,730 --> 00:07:50,030
So you couldn't
349
00:07:45,730 --> 00:07:50,030
possibly understand,
350
00:07:45,730 --> 00:07:50,030
but when gays marry,
351
00:07:50,100 --> 00:07:53,070
it ruins marriage
352
00:07:50,100 --> 00:07:53,070
for the rest of us.
353
00:07:53,130 --> 00:07:55,260
So, either you
354
00:07:53,130 --> 00:07:55,260
annul the wedding,
355
00:07:55,340 --> 00:07:57,900
or I'll publicly ask
356
00:07:55,340 --> 00:07:57,900
for your resignation.
357
00:08:00,110 --> 00:08:02,240
You know what?
358
00:08:00,110 --> 00:08:02,240
I'm so terrible
359
00:08:00,110 --> 00:08:02,240
with directions.
360
00:08:02,310 --> 00:08:03,610
If I'm headed to
361
00:08:02,310 --> 00:08:03,610
the parking lot,
362
00:08:03,680 --> 00:08:05,040
do I make a left
363
00:08:03,680 --> 00:08:05,040
out of here,
364
00:08:03,680 --> 00:08:05,040
or do I go right?
365
00:08:05,110 --> 00:08:06,710
It's a left, yeah.
366
00:08:05,110 --> 00:08:06,710
Thank you.
367
00:08:06,780 --> 00:08:08,370
You're welcome.
368
00:08:06,780 --> 00:08:08,370
Annul the wedding!
369
00:08:14,960 --> 00:08:16,720
Hey.
370
00:08:14,960 --> 00:08:16,720
Hi!
371
00:08:16,790 --> 00:08:21,250
I'm supposed to
372
00:08:16,790 --> 00:08:21,250
meet Leslie for lunch,
373
00:08:16,790 --> 00:08:21,250
but she actually works, so...
374
00:08:21,660 --> 00:08:22,720
Ouch!
375
00:08:22,800 --> 00:08:25,560
Mark was brought to
376
00:08:22,800 --> 00:08:25,560
my hospital the night
377
00:08:22,800 --> 00:08:25,560
of the accident.
378
00:08:25,630 --> 00:08:27,000
He was here for a week.
379
00:08:27,070 --> 00:08:29,260
I think when his
380
00:08:27,070 --> 00:08:29,260
head hit the ground,
381
00:08:29,340 --> 00:08:31,000
it must've knocked
382
00:08:29,340 --> 00:08:31,000
something loose,
383
00:08:31,070 --> 00:08:34,010
because he's actually
384
00:08:31,070 --> 00:08:34,010
a pretty nice guy now.
385
00:08:35,240 --> 00:08:37,710
And Andy, after we
386
00:08:35,240 --> 00:08:37,710
broke up, he told me
387
00:08:37,780 --> 00:08:41,080
he was going to Kansas
388
00:08:37,780 --> 00:08:41,080
to climb mountains.
389
00:08:42,920 --> 00:08:46,010
So, I don't really
390
00:08:42,920 --> 00:08:46,010
know where he is.
391
00:08:46,350 --> 00:08:48,650
Hey, have you seen
392
00:08:46,350 --> 00:08:48,650
that documentary
393
00:08:46,350 --> 00:08:48,650
about food yet?
394
00:08:48,720 --> 00:08:52,090
No, I haven't.
395
00:08:48,720 --> 00:08:52,090
But I heard it's really
396
00:08:48,720 --> 00:08:52,090
good. I want to see it.
397
00:08:52,160 --> 00:08:53,630
We should go together.
398
00:08:54,700 --> 00:09:00,030
What? Yeah, no. I don't
399
00:08:54,700 --> 00:09:00,030
think so. That would
400
00:08:54,700 --> 00:09:00,030
be like a date.
401
00:09:00,670 --> 00:09:02,640
Okay. Say no more.
402
00:09:03,040 --> 00:09:04,130
Mmm.
403
00:09:04,970 --> 00:09:06,570
I hate salad.
404
00:09:06,640 --> 00:09:10,270
Leslie, I don't
405
00:09:06,640 --> 00:09:10,270
want to ever keep
406
00:09:06,640 --> 00:09:10,270
secrets from you.
407
00:09:10,350 --> 00:09:12,210
Oh, me, neither.
408
00:09:10,350 --> 00:09:12,210
Look, let's invent our own
409
00:09:12,280 --> 00:09:13,750
secret language that
410
00:09:12,280 --> 00:09:13,750
only we understand.
411
00:09:13,820 --> 00:09:14,940
And then we can use
412
00:09:13,820 --> 00:09:14,940
it around people
413
00:09:15,020 --> 00:09:16,510
and no one will know what
414
00:09:15,020 --> 00:09:16,510
we're talking about.
415
00:09:17,020 --> 00:09:18,420
Okay.
416
00:09:19,020 --> 00:09:22,220
But in the meantime,
417
00:09:19,020 --> 00:09:22,220
I'm just gonna
418
00:09:19,020 --> 00:09:22,220
tell you in English.
419
00:09:22,290 --> 00:09:24,350
Mark kind of
420
00:09:22,290 --> 00:09:24,350
asked me out.
421
00:09:25,590 --> 00:09:28,690
He weirdly asked me
422
00:09:25,590 --> 00:09:28,690
to go see a movie with him,
423
00:09:28,760 --> 00:09:30,990
and I said no,
424
00:09:28,760 --> 00:09:30,990
of course, but I just...
425
00:09:31,500 --> 00:09:33,230
I just wanted
426
00:09:31,500 --> 00:09:33,230
to let you know.
427
00:09:36,070 --> 00:09:38,370
I'm feeling a lot
428
00:09:36,070 --> 00:09:38,370
of confusing things
429
00:09:36,070 --> 00:09:38,370
right now.
430
00:09:38,440 --> 00:09:40,710
Yeah. No, of course you are.
431
00:09:40,780 --> 00:09:43,750
And your friendship
432
00:09:40,780 --> 00:09:43,750
is the most important
433
00:09:40,780 --> 00:09:43,750
thing to me.
434
00:09:43,810 --> 00:09:46,440
And he's off-limits.
435
00:09:50,090 --> 00:09:53,420
Thank you. I just want
436
00:09:50,090 --> 00:09:53,420
to let you know, I was
437
00:09:50,090 --> 00:09:53,420
really serious
438
00:09:53,490 --> 00:09:54,980
about that secret language.
439
00:09:53,490 --> 00:09:54,980
I know.
440
00:09:58,760 --> 00:10:00,230
I can't believe
441
00:09:58,760 --> 00:10:00,230
this is a gay bar.
442
00:10:00,300 --> 00:10:01,790
Yeah, especially
443
00:10:00,300 --> 00:10:01,790
with that heterosexual
444
00:10:01,860 --> 00:10:03,300
cowboy greeting
445
00:10:01,860 --> 00:10:03,300
us on the way in.
446
00:10:03,360 --> 00:10:04,530
Where should I drink now?
447
00:10:04,600 --> 00:10:06,360
There's a bar on
448
00:10:04,600 --> 00:10:06,360
Eighth Street called
449
00:10:04,600 --> 00:10:06,360
Pitchers and Catchers.
450
00:10:06,430 --> 00:10:07,490
You can go there.
451
00:10:07,570 --> 00:10:09,630
Yeah. Hey!
452
00:10:07,570 --> 00:10:09,630
Okay, listen.
453
00:10:07,570 --> 00:10:09,630
Here's the plan.
454
00:10:09,700 --> 00:10:11,700
Our position is,
455
00:10:09,700 --> 00:10:11,700
we have no position.
456
00:10:11,770 --> 00:10:13,500
So let's just say,
457
00:10:11,770 --> 00:10:13,500
"Thank you for the party,
458
00:10:13,580 --> 00:10:17,070
"but we regretfully decline
459
00:10:13,580 --> 00:10:17,070
your offer to honor me."
460
00:10:17,150 --> 00:10:18,510
Oh, my God,
461
00:10:17,150 --> 00:10:18,510
I can't believe you came.
462
00:10:18,580 --> 00:10:20,880
Hi, April.
463
00:10:18,580 --> 00:10:20,880
Derek! It's Leslie Knope.
464
00:10:20,950 --> 00:10:22,420
Leslie Knope,
465
00:10:20,950 --> 00:10:22,420
you're my hero!
466
00:10:22,480 --> 00:10:23,580
Oh! That's nice.
467
00:10:23,650 --> 00:10:25,520
Leslie, you are
468
00:10:23,650 --> 00:10:25,520
looking hot.
469
00:10:25,590 --> 00:10:27,250
Really?
470
00:10:27,320 --> 00:10:30,660
Thank you, Ben.
471
00:10:27,320 --> 00:10:30,660
I'm really enjoying this hug.
472
00:10:31,330 --> 00:10:33,190
That's so nice,
473
00:10:31,330 --> 00:10:33,190
but I need to
474
00:10:31,330 --> 00:10:33,190
tell you something.
475
00:10:33,260 --> 00:10:34,420
This one is on us.
476
00:10:34,500 --> 00:10:35,620
Well, if it's free...
477
00:10:37,070 --> 00:10:38,090
Leslie Knope!
478
00:10:45,140 --> 00:10:48,540
She's Leslie Knope,
479
00:10:45,140 --> 00:10:48,540
and she wants to recruit you!
480
00:10:50,180 --> 00:10:53,840
No, no, no. Oh, my.
481
00:10:50,180 --> 00:10:53,840
Okay. Please,
482
00:10:50,180 --> 00:10:53,840
please, please, please.
483
00:10:55,020 --> 00:10:58,650
Gentlemen. First of all,
484
00:10:55,020 --> 00:10:58,650
I would just like to say
485
00:10:58,720 --> 00:11:00,660
thank you so much
486
00:10:58,720 --> 00:11:00,660
for throwing me this party,
487
00:11:00,720 --> 00:11:03,320
especially on a night
488
00:11:00,720 --> 00:11:03,320
when the Colts are playing.
489
00:11:04,630 --> 00:11:06,390
We love you, Leslie!
490
00:11:07,660 --> 00:11:08,790
Okay.
491
00:11:10,100 --> 00:11:11,570
This is green.
492
00:11:15,940 --> 00:11:18,240
Leslie! Leslie!
493
00:11:15,940 --> 00:11:18,240
Leslie! Leslie! Leslie!
494
00:11:18,310 --> 00:11:20,570
Leslie! Leslie!
495
00:11:18,310 --> 00:11:20,570
Leslie! Leslie! Leslie!
496
00:11:20,640 --> 00:11:22,670
Okay! Well, I wanted
497
00:11:20,640 --> 00:11:22,670
to tell you
498
00:11:22,740 --> 00:11:25,810
that I wasn't really
499
00:11:22,740 --> 00:11:25,810
trying to take a stand
500
00:11:25,880 --> 00:11:29,480
when I married
501
00:11:25,880 --> 00:11:29,480
those penguins.
502
00:11:29,550 --> 00:11:31,680
Leslie! Leslie! Leslie!
503
00:11:31,750 --> 00:11:33,220
You're chanting my name.
504
00:11:33,290 --> 00:11:36,590
Leslie! Leslie!
505
00:11:33,290 --> 00:11:36,590
Leslie! Leslie! Leslie!
506
00:11:36,660 --> 00:11:40,600
I just have one thing
507
00:11:36,660 --> 00:11:40,600
to say! Together we can
508
00:11:36,660 --> 00:11:40,600
change Pawnee forever!
509
00:11:40,660 --> 00:11:41,960
Let's dance!
510
00:11:45,600 --> 00:11:48,590
Leslie Knope's in
511
00:11:45,600 --> 00:11:48,590
the building, y'all!
512
00:11:45,600 --> 00:11:48,590
Let's get wild!
513
00:11:55,380 --> 00:11:58,780
I've seen so many
514
00:11:55,380 --> 00:11:58,780
dudes from City Hall
515
00:11:55,380 --> 00:11:58,780
here tonight, it's crazy.
516
00:11:59,580 --> 00:12:03,350
But I guess they've
517
00:11:59,580 --> 00:12:03,350
seen me here, too.
518
00:11:59,580 --> 00:12:03,350
So, that's not great.
519
00:12:04,220 --> 00:12:07,850
Hey! Hi. I got your text.
520
00:12:04,220 --> 00:12:07,850
Is everything okay?
521
00:12:07,920 --> 00:12:10,320
Oh, yeah! They're having
522
00:12:07,920 --> 00:12:10,320
a party in my honor!
523
00:12:10,390 --> 00:12:12,860
Go to the bar.
524
00:12:10,390 --> 00:12:12,860
If you're my friend,
525
00:12:10,390 --> 00:12:12,860
you can drink for free!
526
00:12:12,930 --> 00:12:15,830
Oh! Cool! Okay,
527
00:12:12,930 --> 00:12:15,830
and maybe next time
528
00:12:15,900 --> 00:12:18,130
don't use the words
529
00:12:15,900 --> 00:12:18,130
"medical emergency."
530
00:12:18,200 --> 00:12:19,930
I'm so glad you're here!
531
00:12:20,000 --> 00:12:21,400
I'm really sober!
532
00:12:21,470 --> 00:12:22,730
Okay! Get a drink!
533
00:12:30,210 --> 00:12:33,580
You know why tonight's fun?
534
00:12:30,210 --> 00:12:33,580
'Cause everyone's so gay.
535
00:12:34,550 --> 00:12:37,680
And they know
536
00:12:34,550 --> 00:12:37,680
how to have fun,
537
00:12:34,550 --> 00:12:37,680
and the dancing!
538
00:12:38,520 --> 00:12:42,220
Just, it's... Everyone
539
00:12:38,520 --> 00:12:42,220
is just who they are.
540
00:12:42,290 --> 00:12:45,190
And who they are is
541
00:12:42,290 --> 00:12:45,190
just stone-cold gay.
542
00:12:45,390 --> 00:12:47,420
Can't read my
543
00:12:47,500 --> 00:12:50,690
No, he can't read
544
00:12:47,500 --> 00:12:50,690
my poker face
545
00:12:51,270 --> 00:12:52,830
Blah, blah, blah, blah
546
00:12:53,400 --> 00:12:56,500
My, my, my, poker face
547
00:12:53,400 --> 00:12:56,500
My, my poker face
548
00:12:57,310 --> 00:13:00,400
My, my, my, poker face
549
00:12:57,310 --> 00:13:00,400
My, my poker face
550
00:13:00,480 --> 00:13:02,340
I'm having such
551
00:13:00,480 --> 00:13:02,340
a nice time tonight.
552
00:13:02,410 --> 00:13:04,240
I've met many
553
00:13:02,410 --> 00:13:04,240
interesting people.
554
00:13:04,310 --> 00:13:06,870
And there's two
555
00:13:04,310 --> 00:13:06,870
bisexual guys here,
556
00:13:06,950 --> 00:13:08,880
and I got both of
557
00:13:06,950 --> 00:13:08,880
their phone numbers.
558
00:13:11,950 --> 00:13:14,820
My, my,
559
00:13:11,950 --> 00:13:14,820
my poker face
560
00:13:11,950 --> 00:13:14,820
My, my poker face
561
00:13:14,890 --> 00:13:17,290
My, my, my poker face
562
00:13:14,890 --> 00:13:17,290
My, my poker face
563
00:13:17,360 --> 00:13:19,520
My, my, my poker face
564
00:13:17,360 --> 00:13:19,520
My, my poker face
565
00:13:19,590 --> 00:13:20,890
The whole morning.
566
00:13:23,100 --> 00:13:25,530
Show me what's hot
567
00:13:23,100 --> 00:13:25,530
Tell me what I got
568
00:13:25,600 --> 00:13:27,090
Can't read my
569
00:13:25,600 --> 00:13:27,090
Can't read my...
570
00:13:27,170 --> 00:13:28,300
Have fun last night?
571
00:13:28,370 --> 00:13:31,670
I had three
572
00:13:28,370 --> 00:13:31,670
drinks named after me,
573
00:13:28,370 --> 00:13:31,670
so that's pretty fun.
574
00:13:31,740 --> 00:13:34,210
Plus, Ben and Derek
575
00:13:31,740 --> 00:13:34,210
are taking me
576
00:13:31,740 --> 00:13:34,210
shopping on Saturday.
577
00:13:34,280 --> 00:13:36,740
And we are gonna find out
578
00:13:34,280 --> 00:13:36,740
my actual bra size.
579
00:13:37,710 --> 00:13:40,180
I guess I'm kind of
580
00:13:37,710 --> 00:13:40,180
like queen of the gays.
581
00:13:40,650 --> 00:13:43,050
Bully for you.
582
00:13:40,650 --> 00:13:43,050
I just got a phone call.
583
00:13:43,120 --> 00:13:45,110
They want you to
584
00:13:43,120 --> 00:13:45,110
go on Pawnee Today.
585
00:13:45,190 --> 00:13:48,160
Wow. That's huge.
586
00:13:45,190 --> 00:13:48,160
What's the topic?
587
00:13:45,190 --> 00:13:48,160
You.
588
00:13:48,220 --> 00:13:50,250
That Marcia Langman
589
00:13:48,220 --> 00:13:50,250
from the family thing
590
00:13:50,330 --> 00:13:51,880
is calling for
591
00:13:50,330 --> 00:13:51,880
your resignation.
592
00:13:51,960 --> 00:13:54,430
No!
593
00:13:51,960 --> 00:13:54,430
You gotta go on
594
00:13:51,960 --> 00:13:54,430
and defend yourself.
595
00:13:54,500 --> 00:13:58,330
Why? I haven't even
596
00:13:54,500 --> 00:13:58,330
officially taken a stand
597
00:13:54,500 --> 00:13:58,330
on gay marriage.
598
00:13:58,400 --> 00:14:01,960
That's funny.
599
00:13:58,400 --> 00:14:01,960
Somebody just told me
600
00:13:58,400 --> 00:14:01,960
you were queen of the gays.
601
00:14:03,400 --> 00:14:04,570
That was me.
602
00:14:08,680 --> 00:14:10,870
Pawnee Today,
603
00:14:08,680 --> 00:14:10,870
with Joan Callamezzo.
604
00:14:10,950 --> 00:14:12,780
It's kind of like
605
00:14:10,950 --> 00:14:12,780
the Meet the Press
606
00:14:10,950 --> 00:14:12,780
of our town.
607
00:14:12,850 --> 00:14:14,250
It's the big time, Leslie.
608
00:14:14,320 --> 00:14:16,220
Yeah, I know.
609
00:14:14,320 --> 00:14:16,220
It is. I'm nervous.
610
00:14:16,280 --> 00:14:19,250
I just wish I were here
611
00:14:16,280 --> 00:14:19,250
under different circumstances.
612
00:14:19,320 --> 00:14:20,450
Guess who?
613
00:14:20,520 --> 00:14:21,580
Uh... Megan Fox?
614
00:14:21,660 --> 00:14:23,450
One of
615
00:14:21,660 --> 00:14:23,450
the Desperate Housewives?
616
00:14:23,520 --> 00:14:25,250
No, Joan Callamezzo.
617
00:14:25,330 --> 00:14:27,820
Hey, Joanie!
618
00:14:25,330 --> 00:14:27,820
What's up, gorgeous?
619
00:14:25,330 --> 00:14:27,820
Good to see you.
620
00:14:27,900 --> 00:14:29,920
Tom comes on
621
00:14:27,900 --> 00:14:29,920
the show all the time.
622
00:14:27,900 --> 00:14:29,920
Joan loves him.
623
00:14:30,000 --> 00:14:32,060
You have the softest skin
624
00:14:30,000 --> 00:14:32,060
of any woman in Pawnee.
625
00:14:32,130 --> 00:14:33,190
Thank you.
626
00:14:33,270 --> 00:14:35,530
I wish you could reach,
627
00:14:33,270 --> 00:14:35,530
from your TV screen,
628
00:14:35,600 --> 00:14:37,200
and just touch
629
00:14:35,600 --> 00:14:37,200
Joan's skin for a second.
630
00:14:37,270 --> 00:14:38,400
That's sweet.
631
00:14:37,270 --> 00:14:38,400
You'd have a treat.
632
00:14:38,470 --> 00:14:39,840
You're pretty
633
00:14:38,470 --> 00:14:39,840
soft yourself.
634
00:14:39,910 --> 00:14:41,140
How are your
635
00:14:39,910 --> 00:14:41,140
kids doing?
636
00:14:41,210 --> 00:14:42,400
They're pretty good.
637
00:14:42,480 --> 00:14:45,070
Is it tough for
638
00:14:42,480 --> 00:14:45,070
them to have a mother
639
00:14:42,480 --> 00:14:45,070
that is so beautiful?
640
00:14:45,150 --> 00:14:47,010
What's it like being
641
00:14:45,150 --> 00:14:47,010
the most attractive
642
00:14:45,150 --> 00:14:47,010
woman in Pawnee?
643
00:14:47,080 --> 00:14:50,420
You keep up those funnies,
644
00:14:47,080 --> 00:14:50,420
I'm gonna have to
645
00:14:47,080 --> 00:14:50,420
invite you over for supper.
646
00:14:50,490 --> 00:14:51,750
Well, I'll have to
647
00:14:50,490 --> 00:14:51,750
come over for supper.
648
00:14:51,820 --> 00:14:53,250
Oh! You must.
649
00:14:58,690 --> 00:15:01,390
Oh, my God.
650
00:14:58,690 --> 00:15:01,390
Ann Perkins.
651
00:14:58,690 --> 00:15:01,390
How you doing?
652
00:15:02,130 --> 00:15:04,660
I'm good. How was
653
00:15:02,130 --> 00:15:04,660
mountain climbing?
654
00:15:06,800 --> 00:15:07,860
What?
655
00:15:10,570 --> 00:15:13,740
Can I come in?
656
00:15:10,570 --> 00:15:13,740
I just want to talk
657
00:15:10,570 --> 00:15:13,740
to you for a second.
658
00:15:13,810 --> 00:15:15,280
Sure, yeah.
659
00:15:18,450 --> 00:15:23,710
We have a controversial
660
00:15:18,450 --> 00:15:23,710
topic today, the gay penguin
661
00:15:18,450 --> 00:15:23,710
marriage at the Pawnee Zoo.
662
00:15:24,290 --> 00:15:27,590
So, Marcia, what is
663
00:15:24,290 --> 00:15:27,590
all the fuss about?
664
00:15:27,660 --> 00:15:30,820
The fuss is that
665
00:15:27,660 --> 00:15:30,820
Miss Knope claimed that
666
00:15:30,890 --> 00:15:33,890
she was not
667
00:15:30,890 --> 00:15:33,890
advocating for
668
00:15:30,890 --> 00:15:33,890
this gay cause,
669
00:15:34,160 --> 00:15:37,130
and then that very night,
670
00:15:34,160 --> 00:15:37,130
she was the guest of honor
671
00:15:37,200 --> 00:15:41,160
at a pro-gay marriage rally
672
00:15:37,200 --> 00:15:41,160
at a bar called The Bulge.
673
00:15:41,240 --> 00:15:43,170
Miss Knope,
674
00:15:41,240 --> 00:15:43,170
how do you respond?
675
00:15:43,240 --> 00:15:46,370
I'd first like to say
676
00:15:43,240 --> 00:15:46,370
that I wasn't trying to
677
00:15:43,240 --> 00:15:46,370
advocate for anyone.
678
00:15:46,440 --> 00:15:49,380
I did not know that
679
00:15:46,440 --> 00:15:49,380
both of the penguins
680
00:15:46,440 --> 00:15:49,380
were males,
681
00:15:49,440 --> 00:15:51,680
and I was just trying
682
00:15:49,440 --> 00:15:51,680
to perform a cute,
683
00:15:51,750 --> 00:15:54,340
fun ceremony to
684
00:15:51,750 --> 00:15:54,340
promote our local zoo.
685
00:15:54,420 --> 00:15:57,610
I have to say that
686
00:15:54,420 --> 00:15:57,610
that stunt that you did
687
00:15:57,690 --> 00:16:00,120
with the penguins was
688
00:15:57,690 --> 00:16:00,120
clearly over the line.
689
00:16:00,190 --> 00:16:05,060
Now, Marcia, what, if
690
00:16:00,190 --> 00:16:05,060
anything, can Miss Knope
691
00:16:00,190 --> 00:16:05,060
do to make it right?
692
00:16:05,490 --> 00:16:08,930
Joan, we don't want
693
00:16:05,490 --> 00:16:08,930
to be unreasonable.
694
00:16:05,490 --> 00:16:08,930
Of course not.
695
00:16:09,000 --> 00:16:13,760
We think that she should
696
00:16:09,000 --> 00:16:13,760
separate the penguins,
697
00:16:09,000 --> 00:16:13,760
annul the marriage,
698
00:16:13,840 --> 00:16:18,000
reimburse the taxpayers
699
00:16:13,840 --> 00:16:18,000
for the cost of the wedding,
700
00:16:13,840 --> 00:16:18,000
of course,
701
00:16:18,070 --> 00:16:19,800
and then resign.
702
00:16:19,870 --> 00:16:21,000
Oh! Is that it?
703
00:16:21,080 --> 00:16:22,170
That would do it.
704
00:16:22,240 --> 00:16:24,510
Anything else?
705
00:16:22,240 --> 00:16:24,510
You want me to
706
00:16:22,240 --> 00:16:24,510
jump off a building?
707
00:16:24,580 --> 00:16:27,670
Perform hara-kiri?
708
00:16:24,580 --> 00:16:27,670
Move to a different town?
709
00:16:24,580 --> 00:16:27,670
No, I kid.
710
00:16:28,350 --> 00:16:29,680
Full of ideas here today.
711
00:16:29,750 --> 00:16:32,310
This is the reason
712
00:16:29,750 --> 00:16:32,310
why people don't
713
00:16:29,750 --> 00:16:32,310
go into politics.
714
00:16:32,450 --> 00:16:35,890
Because, I bust my ass
715
00:16:32,450 --> 00:16:35,890
for the people in this city,
716
00:16:32,450 --> 00:16:35,890
and I can't win.
717
00:16:35,960 --> 00:16:40,760
I have one night of fun
718
00:16:35,960 --> 00:16:40,760
with some of the best dancers
719
00:16:35,960 --> 00:16:40,760
I've ever danced with,
720
00:16:40,830 --> 00:16:42,630
and suddenly everybody's
721
00:16:40,830 --> 00:16:42,630
freaking out?
722
00:16:42,700 --> 00:16:44,600
Wow, look at that!
723
00:16:42,700 --> 00:16:44,600
Wow, we're lighting up here.
724
00:16:44,670 --> 00:16:46,030
Great. Let's go for it.
725
00:16:44,670 --> 00:16:46,030
Bring it on.
726
00:16:46,100 --> 00:16:47,430
I've never seen that
727
00:16:46,100 --> 00:16:47,430
on our show before.
728
00:16:47,500 --> 00:16:48,530
How does this work?
729
00:16:48,600 --> 00:16:49,590
Well, there...
730
00:16:48,600 --> 00:16:49,590
Push that, and...
731
00:16:49,670 --> 00:16:51,000
Great. Okay. Hey!
732
00:16:49,670 --> 00:16:51,000
You're on the air!
733
00:16:51,070 --> 00:16:52,370
You're on the air! Good!
734
00:16:52,440 --> 00:16:54,270
Yeah, I think that
735
00:16:52,440 --> 00:16:54,270
lady should resign.
736
00:16:54,340 --> 00:16:56,640
Okay, good.
737
00:16:54,340 --> 00:16:56,640
Thank you. Next caller.
738
00:16:56,710 --> 00:16:59,310
You should resign
739
00:16:56,710 --> 00:16:59,310
and repay your salary.
740
00:16:59,380 --> 00:17:02,180
Okay, two for resign.
741
00:16:59,380 --> 00:17:02,180
Thank you. Next caller.
742
00:17:02,250 --> 00:17:06,020
I just want to
743
00:17:02,250 --> 00:17:06,020
say that I love the zoo,
744
00:17:02,250 --> 00:17:06,020
and the zoo is really fun.
745
00:17:07,120 --> 00:17:09,490
Thank you.
746
00:17:07,120 --> 00:17:09,490
That's really sweet.
747
00:17:09,560 --> 00:17:11,390
And I think you
748
00:17:09,560 --> 00:17:11,390
should resign.
749
00:17:14,200 --> 00:17:16,060
You look great.
750
00:17:14,200 --> 00:17:16,060
You look amazing.
751
00:17:16,130 --> 00:17:18,730
Thanks. You look fancy.
752
00:17:19,200 --> 00:17:21,830
Oh, yeah, the monkey suit.
753
00:17:19,200 --> 00:17:21,830
Cost 3,000 bucks,
754
00:17:21,900 --> 00:17:24,460
but totally worth it.
755
00:17:21,900 --> 00:17:24,460
I sold out!
756
00:17:25,270 --> 00:17:27,770
I got a boring
757
00:17:25,270 --> 00:17:27,770
office job in town, so...
758
00:17:27,840 --> 00:17:31,440
I gotta dress up,
759
00:17:27,840 --> 00:17:31,440
you know, the grind.
760
00:17:27,840 --> 00:17:31,440
But I'm really happy,
761
00:17:31,510 --> 00:17:34,810
and I really feel
762
00:17:31,510 --> 00:17:34,810
like I've matured a lot.
763
00:17:35,320 --> 00:17:38,580
Good! That's...
764
00:17:35,320 --> 00:17:38,580
I'm happy for you.
765
00:17:35,320 --> 00:17:38,580
Yeah.
766
00:17:38,650 --> 00:17:41,150
So listen, I was
767
00:17:38,650 --> 00:17:41,150
sitting in the cubicle
768
00:17:38,650 --> 00:17:41,150
the other day,
769
00:17:41,220 --> 00:17:42,660
just doing some thinking,
770
00:17:42,720 --> 00:17:43,820
and some growing...
771
00:17:43,890 --> 00:17:45,150
And some maturing.
772
00:17:45,260 --> 00:17:51,060
Yes! Maturing.
773
00:17:45,260 --> 00:17:51,060
And darn it if I don't
774
00:17:45,260 --> 00:17:51,060
just miss you, and...
775
00:17:51,430 --> 00:17:54,770
Andy.
776
00:17:51,430 --> 00:17:54,770
Well, A-Cakes, just let me...
777
00:17:55,700 --> 00:17:57,830
I love you,
778
00:17:57,910 --> 00:18:00,000
and I'm just really
779
00:17:57,910 --> 00:18:00,000
sorry for the way
780
00:17:57,910 --> 00:18:00,000
that I treated you.
781
00:18:00,070 --> 00:18:03,010
I was the worst
782
00:18:00,070 --> 00:18:03,010
boyfriend ever,
783
00:18:00,070 --> 00:18:03,010
I know that,
784
00:18:03,080 --> 00:18:07,040
and I really think
785
00:18:03,080 --> 00:18:07,040
it would behoove us
786
00:18:03,080 --> 00:18:07,040
to give it another shot.
787
00:18:07,680 --> 00:18:11,880
Yeah, look.
788
00:18:07,680 --> 00:18:11,880
I'm really happy for
789
00:18:07,680 --> 00:18:11,880
you about your job
790
00:18:12,350 --> 00:18:13,790
and that you've
791
00:18:12,350 --> 00:18:13,790
learned some new words,
792
00:18:13,850 --> 00:18:16,450
but I'm sure
793
00:18:13,850 --> 00:18:16,450
about my decision.
794
00:18:19,390 --> 00:18:21,260
Okay. Say no more.
795
00:18:21,330 --> 00:18:24,630
Listen, hit me up
796
00:18:21,330 --> 00:18:24,630
on my cell phone.
797
00:18:21,330 --> 00:18:24,630
I'll be around.
798
00:18:25,830 --> 00:18:28,530
And if you wanna talk,
799
00:18:25,830 --> 00:18:28,530
or grab coffee or
800
00:18:25,830 --> 00:18:28,530
something like that.
801
00:18:28,600 --> 00:18:30,160
Okay?
802
00:18:28,600 --> 00:18:30,160
Okay.
803
00:18:30,240 --> 00:18:33,170
Oh. Gotta get back
804
00:18:30,240 --> 00:18:33,170
to the office.
805
00:18:30,240 --> 00:18:33,170
Have a good one.
806
00:18:33,240 --> 00:18:35,110
Good seeing you.
807
00:18:33,240 --> 00:18:35,110
Bye.
808
00:18:48,920 --> 00:18:51,390
And the hardest part
809
00:18:48,920 --> 00:18:51,390
about living in this pit
810
00:18:51,460 --> 00:18:53,890
is probably keeping
811
00:18:51,460 --> 00:18:53,890
my suit pressed.
812
00:18:58,300 --> 00:19:02,700
And the rats.
813
00:18:58,300 --> 00:19:02,700
It's like a freaking
814
00:18:58,300 --> 00:19:02,700
rat parade every night.
815
00:19:03,440 --> 00:19:04,770
I just want to be
816
00:19:03,440 --> 00:19:04,770
close to her house,
817
00:19:04,840 --> 00:19:06,430
because I need
818
00:19:04,840 --> 00:19:06,430
to protect her.
819
00:19:06,840 --> 00:19:10,180
'Cause there are
820
00:19:06,840 --> 00:19:10,180
some weird people
821
00:19:06,840 --> 00:19:10,180
that live around here.
822
00:19:10,480 --> 00:19:13,280
Yeah, if you let
823
00:19:10,480 --> 00:19:13,280
penguins get married,
824
00:19:10,480 --> 00:19:13,280
where does it end?
825
00:19:13,350 --> 00:19:15,980
I mean, would you let me
826
00:19:13,350 --> 00:19:15,980
marry my guinea pig?
827
00:19:16,050 --> 00:19:18,280
Because I really do
828
00:19:16,050 --> 00:19:18,280
want to marry my guinea pig.
829
00:19:18,350 --> 00:19:20,010
I'll take my answer
830
00:19:18,350 --> 00:19:20,010
off the air.
831
00:19:20,090 --> 00:19:21,210
I think that's
832
00:19:20,090 --> 00:19:21,210
a valuable point.
833
00:19:21,290 --> 00:19:24,880
Attendance is up 30%
834
00:19:21,290 --> 00:19:24,880
at the zoo, by the way.
835
00:19:21,290 --> 00:19:24,880
You're welcome.
836
00:19:24,960 --> 00:19:28,290
That penguin wedding was
837
00:19:24,960 --> 00:19:28,290
cute, damn it. And I'm
838
00:19:24,960 --> 00:19:28,290
not gonna annul it.
839
00:19:28,360 --> 00:19:29,660
I'd ask you to reconsider.
840
00:19:29,730 --> 00:19:32,670
Well, I'd ask you
841
00:19:29,730 --> 00:19:32,670
to stop asking me,
842
00:19:32,730 --> 00:19:34,900
because it's not
843
00:19:32,730 --> 00:19:34,900
gonna happen, Marcia.
844
00:19:34,970 --> 00:19:36,060
Is that right?
845
00:19:36,140 --> 00:19:39,340
Last time I checked,
846
00:19:36,140 --> 00:19:39,340
I don't think I
847
00:19:36,140 --> 00:19:39,340
murdered anyone,
848
00:19:39,410 --> 00:19:42,310
or had an affair,
849
00:19:39,410 --> 00:19:42,310
or did drugs!
850
00:19:42,380 --> 00:19:45,780
But I apologize.
851
00:19:42,380 --> 00:19:45,780
I apologize for having fun,
852
00:19:45,850 --> 00:19:47,250
and for making
853
00:19:45,850 --> 00:19:47,250
something cute!
854
00:19:49,950 --> 00:19:51,250
Where are you
855
00:19:49,950 --> 00:19:51,250
from originally?
856
00:19:51,320 --> 00:19:53,220
Oh, no!
857
00:19:51,320 --> 00:19:53,220
What did I do?
858
00:19:55,260 --> 00:19:56,590
So, you will not be
859
00:19:55,260 --> 00:19:56,590
annulling the marriage?
860
00:19:56,660 --> 00:19:59,720
No. I will not
861
00:19:56,660 --> 00:19:59,720
be annulling. No.
862
00:20:03,860 --> 00:20:09,060
Look at them. They're just
863
00:20:03,860 --> 00:20:09,060
in their own little
864
00:20:03,860 --> 00:20:09,060
penguin love bubble.
865
00:20:10,840 --> 00:20:12,930
I guess that's what it's like
866
00:20:10,840 --> 00:20:12,930
when you meet your mate
867
00:20:13,010 --> 00:20:15,840
and know you're gonna
868
00:20:13,010 --> 00:20:15,840
be together forever.
869
00:20:19,680 --> 00:20:20,740
Hi!
870
00:20:20,820 --> 00:20:22,080
You know what I realized?
871
00:20:20,820 --> 00:20:22,080
What?
872
00:20:22,150 --> 00:20:25,350
We're just animals.
873
00:20:22,150 --> 00:20:25,350
We don't know
874
00:20:22,150 --> 00:20:25,350
anything about love.
875
00:20:25,420 --> 00:20:26,550
Okay.
876
00:20:25,420 --> 00:20:26,550
Yeah.
877
00:20:26,620 --> 00:20:28,380
I think you should go
878
00:20:26,620 --> 00:20:28,380
on that date with Mark.
879
00:20:28,460 --> 00:20:29,520
Oh, Leslie...
880
00:20:29,590 --> 00:20:31,060
Really, seriously.
881
00:20:29,590 --> 00:20:31,060
I thought about it,
882
00:20:31,130 --> 00:20:35,090
and, look, he might
883
00:20:31,130 --> 00:20:35,090
not be my gay penguin,
884
00:20:31,130 --> 00:20:35,090
but he could be yours.
885
00:20:35,160 --> 00:20:37,390
Look, I told you
886
00:20:35,160 --> 00:20:37,390
I'm not going on
887
00:20:35,160 --> 00:20:37,390
a date with him.
888
00:20:37,470 --> 00:20:39,900
Okay, fine. If you don't
889
00:20:37,470 --> 00:20:39,900
want to go out with him,
890
00:20:37,470 --> 00:20:39,900
don't go out with him.
891
00:20:39,970 --> 00:20:41,630
But don't not do
892
00:20:39,970 --> 00:20:41,630
it because of me,
893
00:20:41,700 --> 00:20:43,400
because I'm
894
00:20:41,700 --> 00:20:43,400
really fine with it.
895
00:20:44,000 --> 00:20:46,270
All that's important to me
896
00:20:44,000 --> 00:20:46,270
is that we're still friends.
897
00:20:46,340 --> 00:20:47,970
Me, too!
898
00:20:46,340 --> 00:20:47,970
Good! Great.
899
00:20:51,380 --> 00:20:52,680
Plus, I already called him
900
00:20:51,380 --> 00:20:52,680
and told him that
901
00:20:52,750 --> 00:20:54,480
you were dying to go out
902
00:20:52,750 --> 00:20:54,480
with him, so have fun.
903
00:20:54,920 --> 00:20:56,010
Huh?
904
00:20:58,650 --> 00:21:01,780
So, I transferred
905
00:20:58,650 --> 00:21:01,780
the penguins to
906
00:20:58,650 --> 00:21:01,780
a zoo in Iowa.
907
00:21:01,860 --> 00:21:04,760
Gay marriage is legal there,
908
00:21:01,860 --> 00:21:04,760
so hopefully,
909
00:21:01,860 --> 00:21:04,760
they'll be happy.
910
00:21:04,830 --> 00:21:07,020
At least they'll be together.
911
00:21:11,400 --> 00:21:14,630
Oh, look! Six Flags!
912
00:21:11,400 --> 00:21:14,630
I should take them
913
00:21:11,400 --> 00:21:14,630
on a water slide.
914
00:21:14,700 --> 00:21:17,330
They might die.
915
00:21:14,700 --> 00:21:17,330
But it would be so cute!
49218
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