Original subtitles

It's the same phenomenon.

I'm gonna throw myself off the cliff,

and just assume that the person I'm gonna become after

is gonna be at the bottom of the cliff and is gonna catch me.

And that there's a bunch of shit that's gonna happen in that fall...

Yeah.

...that's gonna change me into a different woman

by the time I catch myself at the bottom.

Oh, shoot.

And so, you trust that.

Trust it.

I don't even know if it's trust. But it's a ridiculous hunch.

Oh, God!

It's a devil's bargain.

- No! - You can’t stay, you can’t leave.

So here the fuck goes.

You could stay. You could though.

No, no, no, I cannot deal with this right now.

I cannot deal with this!

Shut up, shut up. I love you, but shut up.

No!

Oh, no.

Oh, what have I done?

What have I done? What have I done?

- Hey! - Hey.

- What? What's going on? - Nothing.

I just rammed my car into a very sweet old lady.

Okay.

Oh, my God, you didn't-- You didn't kill her, did you?

No, no, it was just a fender bender,

- but... - Is everything okay?

Would some French toast for the table help?

Yeah, it would actually.

Yeah. That's worth a shot, right?

You nailed an old lady, right? Got a little fender bender.

- Yeah. - It's okay!

Hold on.

Oh, my God. She's calling me.

Why is she calling me? She said she was fine.

She hurt her fuckin' neck?

Hello?

Yeah.

No, I am.

Yes.

Absolutely.

Bye-bye.

Well, that sounded good. Was that good? It was good.

She was just calling to see if I was okay

'cause she realized she hadn't asked me when we had the wreck.

Oh, that's--

It's the nicest thing that anybody's ever done.

Joel, look!

Look, Joel! French toasty!

- You love French toasty! - Yes, I do. I do, I do, I do, I do.

I'm sorry, that was really loud. I'm sorry. Let's just change the subject.

- You sure? - Let's just change the subject.

You wanna talk about sneaky husbands?

Fred! Fred Rococo.

Not me. Not me.

You are so busted.

What? I'm just picking up a salad. No big deal.

Fred, have you been coming here this whole time?

- No. - Well, your secret's safe with us.

- Why don't you just sit down and join us? - Yeah.

Here? In front of this French toast? You're killin' me!

It's a treat day. Just ignore it.

Okay, Fred. Got your cheeseburger and fries.

- Fred! - Fred.

What? Sometimes, I wanna be a bad, bad boy.

Wait. Right there?

Yeah.

Joel, that's not that bad.

- Yeah, it's not that bad, right? - Not that bad.

Yeah, yeah.

Are you okay to drive?

'Cause I can give you a lift, if you want.

Would that be nice?

Oh, no, no, no. I'm okay, I'm okay.

I just got a little shook up there, but it's okay.

I wish you could come over and I'd get you all nursed back to health.

We could do, like, 'tinis, and tickle fights, and--

I could do that. We could do that!

- I wanna do that. - You can?

- You don't have to ask Brad first? - No!

He's my boyfriend, not my mom!

I can do what I want! And I wanna have a slumber party!

Oh, my God. Seriously, I'm so excited.

This is gonna be...

I don't know. I need this.

It's gonna be like old times. I'm really excited.

Joel, no! Come on!

I have not seen you like this

since we watched "Mr. Holland's Opus" together.

Pull it together! Come on.

I'm fine.

I'm fine.

- You sure? - I'm fine. Yeah.

- Okay. - Yeah.

'Cause if, if you want me to,

I'd be happy to sing just a little bit of "Beautiful Boy" and I--

Don't you dare!

- You put those hands down! - I think--

- My fingers, I think I-- - No!

'Cause that's the part that fucks me up the most!

Put 'em down.

Fucks me up, too.

- Oh, God. - God, I still can't believe

Richard Dreyfuss didn't win an Oscar for that.

Wasn't his year.

Oh well, guess what?

I don't give a rat's ass if you're at work, Rick!

No! Oh, no, no! What I really wanna know is

who is the skank that you hooked up with this time, Rick?

You just go and get chlamydia? And then, you just give it to me?

I mean, who does that?

Oh, no, no. No, no, no, no. You do not play dumb with me!

Yes, I went to the doctor!

Yes, I got tested, you idiot!

Did you?

Me?

No! No!

There is literally no way I could've given it to you!

It is medically impossible!

I didn't just, like, dream up chlamydia

and pull it outta the sky and say, "Ooh, fun!

"I'm gonna give this STD to my goddamn idiot,

- ass-eating ex-husband who--" - Gimme the phone.

Hey Rick. Hi, it's Sam.

Yeah, you know, everybody knows

that you can't keep your dick in your pants.

Nope, nope, nope. No, shut the fuck up, I'm talking now.

Yeah, it was you. Yes.

So you and your dirty dick need to stay the fuck away from my sister.

Do we understand? We understand.

Alright, good. Is there anything else you wanna add?

Yeah! Yeah. Asshole!

Okay, I think that's gonna do it, Rick. Thank you.

Go fuck yourself.

Yeah.

Okay!

- So, you finally called him? - Yeah.

- Yeah? How do you feel? - Yeah. Feel really good.

- Good? - Yeah.

- Alright, good. You want some time? - No, no!

- I'm fired the fuck up! - Okay, well--

- God, that felt good! - Good!

- Now, where do you want me? - You sit right there.

- Okay, right here. - Are you ready?

Oh, I'm real ready.

Mitch, Helen,

I am so excited to share this with you.

Welcome to Konza For A Cure.

Thank you.

I have a mockup of the space here.

As you can see, we have our tables out front

when guests arrive, where they will register.

We will give them a paddle,

and we will register their phone number for the live auction.

I'm not gonna say "register" twice.

- Love it. Killing it. - Thank you.

Over here, we have displays of our live auction items,

which we're very excited about.

We have box seats to the football game,

we have two tickets to see "Hairspray" at McCain,

and we have a brew-your-own-beer experience

at Manhattan Brewing Company.

- I knew you'd like that one. - That's really cool.

Now...

Mitch, Helen,

I know that you didn't wanna make this night about you

but your story is so inspirational

and I know that it will resonate so deeply with people.

It will give them something to connect with,

and hopefully inspire them to give generously.

- Can I? - Yeah, of course.

Trish, this is really cool.

- I didn't know you were gonna do this. - Yeah, you like it?

I love it.

My God, she beat cancer three times.

Yeah, I know.

She's such a fighter.

And he loves her so much, it's crazy.

Yeah.

Anyway, so that's most of it.

I mean,

you are so good at this shit, Tricia.

Well, I just wanna make them a ton of money that night, you know?

I learned so much doing this.

Like, they are doing incredible research for cancer up at K State.

I didn't even know they were doing that, did you?

- No, I had no idea. - I know! And I just--

I just wanna, like, back a truck up with stacks of money for them, you know?

No family should have to go--

Well, I mean, you know.

Yeah.

What if...

- What if what? - Well...

What if you did, like, "$10 for a Cure" at a football game?

I mean, you could throw up, like,

a number on the big screen that people could text and donate.

You know, they just text the number, donate 10 bucks, boom, done, you know?

I don't know, I mean--

But if there were 50,000 people there, and even a quarter donated something,

you could...

- It's kind of a lot of money. - Damn.

I mean, that's good. That's really good.

Alright.

Put your hand here.

- My hand? - Yeah, put it right here.

And on the count of three, we're gonna go one, two, three,

manifest!

- Okay. - But you gotta say it like that.

- Manifest! - Okay.

One, two, three.

Manifest!

Okay, that never happened.

Alright, well, I gotta get outta here. You're gonna be great!

No, no! No, no, I want you to stay.

No, no. I don't do rich people. That's not my thing.

Sam, he's not like rich people. I promise.

Tricia, they can't help themselves.

No! Sam, I'm nervous. I want you to stay.

Sorry, I gotta, I got something I gotta do.

You have to do something, really?

Yeah, I got something I gotta do.

Is it Iceland?

- Oh God, leave me alone. - Oh, my God, it is!

- You're seeing Iceland? - Oh, my God, Tricia, leave me--

Please tell me you're not wearing that, please.

What?

I'm just saying, like, put a little curl in your hair.

- Maybe, like, just-- - Tricia!

- Maybe some lip gloss? - Tricia!

Just, whatever you do, get a good look at it beforehand.

Sit on it!

Jesus.

Jesus, keep it together.

Of course.

Alright.

Not a big deal.

Not a big deal.

Hi!

- Hey. - Hi.

Sorry I'm a little late. I had a frash-- a fashion emergency.

I like the shirt.

Thanks, I'm--

Yeah, I thought I'd try something new.

It works.

You look really nice.

- Sorry? - I said you look really nice.

Thank you.

Thanks.

Where's Wesley? I...

He's like my emotional support animal, I think.

Well, he's mine, too.

He's sleeping.

- Oh, okay. - You want me to call him?

Nah, it's okay.

I'll call him. Wesley!

Hey!

Hi! Hi!

- Good boy! - Yeah.

I think he's just as nervous as I am.

Do you want, wanna go for a walk?

Yeah. Sure.

Okay. I'll...

- get my coat. - Okay.

So how are the chickens doing?

They're good.

Put some toys in there.

They get bored, they start fighting.

Chickens. They're just like us.

I built some beds over there.

Brussels sprouts, broccoli,

rutabagas.

I had some mustard greens there, but the deer got them.

Oh yeah.

You know, my...

my dad used to do this thing where he would

string up bars of soap to keep 'em away.

I mean, I don't know if it really did anything, but

he never wanted to do anything that would hurt 'em, so.

I like that idea.

Yeah, and I seeded some buckwheat over there.

English peas-- Sorry about that.

Yeah, the soil needed a rest.

Soil.

It's just like us.

Do you shoot?

- I gave it a try. - Oh yeah? How'd it go?

Took a minute.

Well, it's not as easy as it looks.

But...

You know, if...

if you want, I could show you--

You know, you basically, you just need to find your anchor,

and then it kinda all falls into place.

- That makes sense. - Yeah.

Yeah, well, I think we're doing great.

Yeah, I think so, too.

This is embarrassing, but I was afraid

that we weren't gonna have anything to talk about,

so I made a list.

- You made a list? - Yeah, I made a list.

- Well, can I see it? - No, no.

Oh, please?

- Oh, it's really bad. - It can't be that bad.

It's not a good list!

Let me see it. Please.

Okay.

Oh, my God.

- "Dogs." - Okay, you don't have to read it out loud.

No, I wanna answer all your questions about me.

Okay.

"Have you always had dogs?" Well, mostly.

I did raise a dairy calf one year.

Only did that once because it just-- it broke my heart when I had to sell her.

What was her name?

Audbjorg.

You're making that up, right?

I am not.

- I'm sorry. - Why would you laugh?

- That's really hurtful. - I mean, hopefully...

hopefully, she had a nickname.

I mean, what cow's gonna come running when they hear that?

Audbjorg!

Finally, you laugh at one of my jokes.

I don't like how you always put yourself down.

So, what other questions do you have?

This is humiliating.

"What's Iceland like?"

It is quite cold.

Very dark in winter.

Very bright in summer.

Really beautiful.

Okay, you don't have to keep doing this if you don't want to.

- No, I'm having fun. - Oh, okay.

"Favorite music."

That's easy.

Classical.

Wagner or Debussy.

Well, if you don't like "Clair de lune," you're an asshole, right?

Exactly.

Can you just gimme that back?

Because we're not gonna have anything left to talk about, so...

- Oh shit. - No.

- I should have asked. - It's okay.

- No, I'm sorry. - No, it's not you.

Oh, God. Oh, God.

You know what? I think I'm gonna go.

- No. But-- - No, I'm--

- Don't go, please. - I wanna--

Oh boy.

I'm so sorry. I'm--

- Let's j-- Let's j-- - You d-- You did--

- You didn't do anything wrong. - Let's just walk.

Let's see what happens.

I don't know, maybe I don't have...

Maybe I don't have the emotional infrastructure for this.

Okay.

Then he said, "Throw it," so I did!

And it bounced off the ground

and it just smacked him right in the eyes!

- Not your business, not your problem. - Not my b--

It's called Catch Club.

- It's called Catch it! - Catch it!

Wait, how long are we supposed to leave these on our feet?

'Cause mine feel like they're going numb.

You know what?

Now that you mention it, I think mine are numb, too.

Is that bad? I thought that was part of it.

- Oh, God, is it? I don't know. - I don't know.

I feel like we should take them off.

Yeah, you're probably right.

As much as I like not feeling.

Sam!

And then, now what happens?

Well,

first...

First, it's gonna be horrifying, and then, it's gonna be disgusting.

And then, we're gonna have the babiest, softest feet you ever did see.

- And the numbness? - Unclear.

Okay, great. That's awesome.

- Cheers. - Cheers to numb feet.

Cheers to numb feet.

Okay, so...

Are...

Are we allowed to talk about it yet?

- Yeah. - Should I just...?

- Yeah. - Okay.

So, I know that you've made your peace with it,

but does what's going on have anything to do with having kids?

Okay, okay. Because I was worried

that it might have something to do with, like, God or religion.

I'm a little out of my depth.

Oh, God! Okay, I'm warmer. Okay, I'm-- Okay.

I don't know--

Sorry.

- No! - I'm sorry.

It's just that things are really good.

Things with Brad are really good. I have good friends.

I have you.

Things in my life are wonderful. Why...

isn't that enough?

Well, what's wrong with wanting a little bit more?

I don't think there's anything wrong with that, Joel.

I don't know what to do.

Well...

You know, maybe...

maybe you could go talk to Pastor Deb?

No. That bridge is burned.

I don't know about that, Joel.

I mean, everything that you've said about her, and...

You know, she's...

She's a good person, right?

- Yeah. - Why don't you just...

Why don't you just try and see what happens?

You know? Just...

- Yeah. - She's...

You always say that those Jesus people are good people, right?

You said something like that, I don't know.

- Jesus people are good people? - Yeah, Jesus people,

I mean, I practically got a bumper sticker that said that.

And then, I didn't.

Okay. Okay, no more talking about me.

We spent too much time talking about me.

- Let's talk about-- - No. Come on.

- I got nothing but time! Let's keep going! - No, no, I'm bored with it.

I'm bored with me. I wanna hear about you.

Tell me about you. What's going on with you?

Oh, so much.

Oh, good! Give it to me.

Okay.

Well...

You know, there's this guy.

What guy?

You know that guy that rents the farm?

Oh yeah, the guy from the bar!

And he's all manly, and he has that really, really deep voice.

Okay, what's his name?

You know, I'm not even really sure.

It's like nothing that anybody can pronounce.

I don't know, I just call him Iceland.

Iceland? Okay, well,

- Icelandic people are very good people. - Is that right?

I don't know.

Oh, fuck.

Well...

He...

He asked me on a date,

and I went.

And he...

he kissed me.

I'm sorry!

Okay!

I've been wanting to tell you, I swear to God!

It's okay! You're telling me now!

So, how are you feeling?

Not great.

Why?

Because I really like him.

And, you know, I'm not...

I'm not really...

I don't really know what I'm doing, and, you know,

it just kinda brings up a lot of stuff.

What stuff?

How I feel about myself.

And...

I just keep thinking about what if he got to know me?

How could he want that?

How could he not?

I really wanna feel that way, Joel.

I'm really trying.

I really am. I really am!

It's just some of this stuff is really hard to shake.

- I know. - I really want to.

But why don't you just try and see what happens?

Well...

fuck you.

A wise woman once told me that.

She's a dumbass bitch.

I wanted you to be on my level.

Why don't we put on "Mr. Holland's Opus" so we can both feel better?

Sold!

- Yeah. - Don't threaten me with a good time.

I'm 'bout to, 'cause I'm gonna fuck up some donuts.

Mm, 'ummy!

I don't know if I should eat these. I'm a little stuffed up.

No, this will help. I promise.

Is this that strawberry one that I had-- Yes!

Oh, I never had that one.

- Me neither. - Oh, my God.

Looks like Tricia's UTI.

It wasn't a UTI, by the way.

- No! No! - Chlamydia!

So stupid...