Original subtitles

WOMAN 1: Under the I, 16.

I, 16.

I'm gonna win this. Under the N, 36.

N, 36.

Under the O, 63.

O, 63.

Remember, the name of the game is Crazy T.

One column across the top, one down the middle.

Double jackpot.

Under the N, 44.

N, 44.

Under the B, nine.

B, nine.

Bingo!

Possible Bingo.

All right, everyone, this is a bust.

Stay seated. Stay down.

Could you turn that off, please?

Sit down, pal.

MAN: Hey. WOMAN 2: Hey.

( fast action theme playing) (Resync by Chuck)

You're kidding me.

(siren wails)

I'm counting.

(gasps) Oh.

(panting): Oh, my God.

( fast action theme playing)

Look, guys, I don't have time for this.

Can't we do this peacefully?

Say please.

(grunting)

(grunting)

Please.

( light rock action theme playing)

♪ In the eyes of a Ranger ♪

♪ The unsuspecting stranger ♪

♪ Had better know the truth Of wrong from right ♪

♪ 'Cause the eyes of the Ranger ♪

♪ Are upon you ♪

♪ Any wrong you do He's gonna see ♪

♪ When you're in Texas ♪

♪ Look behind you ♪

♪ 'Cause that's Where the Ranger's gonna be ♪

( upbeat theme playing)

ALEX: Don't give me that look, Walker.

I can't believe you sent me on a bingo bust.

Well, start believing.

Bingo brings in $200 million a year in Texas

and we believe a lot of that is laundered.

Very interesting,

but what's that got to do with me?

The bingo parlor that you busted last night

belonged to Ricky Ricketts.

Are you sure?

I've got a witness in my office.

Now I'm interested.

ALEX: If we can get her to the grand jury,

there's a chance that we can finally get this guy.

Speak of the devil.

Long time, no see, Walker.

Not long enough, Ricketts.

I'm willing to forget the past, if you are.

What do you say?

I'm not willing to forget anything.

And I made a promise

a long time ago to bust

that sleazy operation of yours, and I will.

Mr. Ricketts came here voluntarily

to counter the ludicrous charges

being brought against his establishment.

Now, I see no reason for threats.

I didn't make a threat, counselor.

I made a promise.

I never trust a man

who can't keep his promises.

Well, this is one promise I will keep.

We've got a witness this time.

This witness is gonna put you behind bars

for the rest of your life.

It'll end up the way it always does.

I win, you lose.

Don't count on it.

See you again real soon.

Real soon.

Thank you.

Ranger Cordell Walker,

I'd like you to meet Elaine Portugal,

our star witness.

Mr. Walker, do you mind telling me

what this is all about?

I-I've never been so scared in my life.

I mean, a-all these police

a-a-and the guns.

Mrs. Portugal...

No, please, everyone calls me Elaine.

We've been watching this operation

for the past several months,

and each day, the bingo parlor takes in $2,000.

Well, they've been reporting $20,000.

We have reason to believe

that the excess is laundered drug money.

Oh, no.

(gasps)

Oh, I had no idea.

Mrs. Portugal... Please, Elaine.

Elaine, the man you work for, Ricky Ricketts,

has been convicted of manslaughter,

and a suspect in several other killings.

Oh, my. Killings?

(gasps)

Oh, he looks like such a nice boy.

ALEX: You counted all that money

and you never made the connection

between the small crowds

and the large amount of cash that was coming in?

No, no, you see, I-I work in the back.

I never see any customers.

Elaine, you expect us to believe that?

Well, why should I lie to you?

Look at me. Am I a gangster?

No, I'm a widow on a fixed income.

Well, I did one thing that was wrong.

See, I... I got paid in cash

so I wouldn't lose my benefits.

I suppose you could report me to social security.

ALEX: We don't want to report you.

We want you to testify

against Ricky Ricketts.

Testify?

Me?

You.

Oh.

Oh, l-l-look, Mr. Walker,

I wanna do the right thing,

but if... If Ricketts is as bad as you say he is,

he'll kill me if I talk.

Elaine, if you don't testify and we let you go,

Ricketts is gonna come after you,

and there's nothing we can do to protect you.

So, what you're telling me

is I don't have any choice.

I'm gonna be a stool pigeon?

You know, maybe if I had gone further in school,

I might have had a nice career like you,

but in my day, they said:

"Get married, have children, make a home."

And they look at me now.

I'm a criminal.

You're not a criminal if you'll testify.

Where's the good news?

( ominous theme playing)

Ricky, it's me, Oscar.

RICKY: Done yet?

Not yet. We had a little problem.

I don't like problems.

The thing is,

the Rangers have been with her all day.

We couldn't set anything up.

Where is she now?

We're gonna be right on her tail. No problem.

No problem?

My home is locked up, my assets are frozen,

I'm paying 500 bucks an hour

for lawyers, they got a witness,

Walker's on my case. Don't tell me no problem.

Boss, she's an old lady.

How much trouble could she be?

Enough that we should have whacked her last week.

Don't call me until you got good news.

It's as good as done.

I'll see you later. Okay.

Y-you're not coming with us?

No, you'll be fine with Alex.

You be careful today, Mr. Ranger.

I'm depending on you.

Don't worry, Elaine.

He's such a nice guy.

TRIVETTE: What do you think you're gonna find at Ricketts' warehouse?

WALKER: Won't know until I look.

( pensive theme playing)

Bingo.

(knocks on table)

Are you sure I can't help you in there?

(chuckles)

I used to cook every night

for my husband, Irving.

How long were you married?

Thirty-seven years,

and then, last year, he had a stroke,

and in a week, he was gone.

Oy, vey.

But I'm so used to cooking for two,

so that I always cook too much.

Wow.

No, no, no, no, no, no, no.

Eat the soup first, while it's hot.

Mm, this is great.

It's matzo ball.

It's wonderful.

It's chicken broth with matzo dumplings.

Eat, darling, eat.

(chuckles)

(chuckles)

So, you seeing anybody?

Not really.

No?

What about that Ranger fellow?

He's a very handsome man.

Yes, he is, but we're just friends.

(chuckling) Oh, yeah?

I saw you together with him today.

He looks at you like a wolf looking at a pork chop.

(both chuckle)

Well, maybe we're a little bit more than friends.

So, what are you waiting for?

We work together a lot and

I'm afraid if we had a relationship

outside the office,

it would impact the relationship inside the office.

Darling,

when you get to be my age,

you're alone a lot,

and love is such a rare thing.

Don't throw it away.

(woozily): You know, maybe you're right.

Maybe I should get out a little more often.

(sighs)

I feel a little dizzy.

Are you all right, huh?

You want me to get you anything?

No.

Can I call a doctor?

No, no,

I think I'd just like to go over there and lie down.

Okay, okay, okay, here.

Okay, come.

All right, hold on to me. Okay.

Oh, it's okay. I got you.

Here, here, here.

Here.

I'll get you some water.

( fast, suspenseful theme playing)

Sleep, princess, sleep.

Oh!

Oh!

Ms. Portugal? Ms. Portugal?

You lowlife, attacking an old woman.

Don't hit me with that damn purse.

I'm C.D. Parker.

I'm a Texas Ranger.

Been one for 28 years.

You got any identification? Yes, ma'am.

Cordell Walker sent me over here

to watch you and Alex's apartment.

You almost gave me a heart attack.

Did I hurt you?

I'm all right.

What are you doing out this time of night?

Where's Alex?

Oh, the poor darling, she was exhausted,

so she's taking a nap.

See, I just came out to take a walk, get some fresh air.

I've been cooped up upstairs all day.

That might not be a good idea.

Might be some people looking for you.

Let's go back up to the apartment.

Oh, I don't wanna bother you.

I'll just finish my walk, then I'll go up.

No, ma'am, I think we should go on back to the apartment.

(chuckles nervously) Well, who am I to argue with a Texas Ranger?

Yes, ma'am.

Oh, dear.

Oh, well, you know,

it's been a very long time

since a gentleman escorted me home.

Yes, ma'am.

I'll just walk you up to Alex's apartment.

Okay, but no hanky-panky at the door.

Hanky-panky?

(chuckling)

I like you.

You got a good sense of humor.

Hanky-panky, my eye.

(knocking on door)

Alex, Alex, it's C.D.

C.D.?

Alex?

Oh, did we wake you, darling?

(chuckles) You were sleeping so peacefully.

ALEX: Where did you go?

Well, she took off like a saiga in a thunderstorm.

That's where she went.

You didn't?

Elaine, do you know how dangerous

that could be?

(chuckling): Hey,

I used to walk in Central Park at midnight.

Don't talk to me about danger.

Oh, anyway, I... I didn't mean to upset you.

I won't do it again.

Boy, this sure does look good.

Elaine made us dinner.

How would you like a nice bowl of chicken soup, huh?

It'd be good for you.

I can get some fresh in the kitchen.

Oh, I don't think so.

I'll just have a latke.

Hah.

How do you know from latke?

I know a lot of things about a lot of food.

I'm a gourmet.

Well, back to the salt mine.

Goodbye.

( playful theme playing)

You know, that soup was good and I'm still hungry.

Oh, no, honey, no, no, no.

It's cold now. No.

You know what? I'll make you a couple of eggs.

You're sweet.

You know, between you and those Rangers,

I think Mr. Ricky Ricketts had better watch himself.

(chuckles)

All right, the scientific method of police work.

This is how the Ricketts operation works.

Walker?

Oh, I'm all ears.

All right, the ships leave Columbia

with the cocaine on board,

they dock at the Galveston Harbor.

At one of the piers that Ricketts controls,

and so anything can go through.

Right.

And then the cocaine is loaded

on trucks owned by... You'll never guess.

Ricketts' Fruit and Nut Company.

That's right.

How'd you know that?

It's on the box.

Uh... Anyway...

The, uh... The cocaine is distributed to the dealers,

the dealers sell it,

they turn over the cash to Ricketts' men,

who load it into boxes of bingo cards

that are delivered to the back of the parlor.

And then the dirty money is mixed in

with the, uh, clean bingo money.

Then all of the money is reported clean

to the Texas Bingo Commission.

Right.

Yeah, right.

Well, I enjoyed the lecture. Learned a lot, Trivette.

Now let's go pick up our star witness.

He can't.

He is helping me make arrangements

for, uh, San Antonio.

San Antonio?

Yeah, Alex wants a change of venue

because she doesn't want Ricketts' attorney

to say that the jury was influenced by the media.

I just wanna make it really difficult

for him to find a friendly judge.

Well, San Antonio it is.

(laughing)

Trust me, I know from goods.

See, my late husband was a tailor all of his life.

So I'll give you the name

and the address in New York, all right?

Oh, I was just telling the boys that...

That my nephew is in the rag trade,

and that even with shipping,

the price is right for the suits.

I'm sure they appreciate it, but now we gotta get going.

Okay, okay. I'll give Walker the address,

so you just mention my name, you know.

It wouldn't hurt you to have a nice suit or two

hanging in your closet.

I'll remember that.

You got a big family out at your place?

No, just me.

(scoffs)

A good-looking guy like you

should be married and have lots of kids.

Maybe someday.

There's nothing wrong with Alex.

She's a beautiful girl and, boy, she's smart,

and I see the way she looks at you.

Elaine, maybe someday.

Sorry.

Sometimes I get nosy.

(chuckles)

I know, I should shut up, but...

Okay.

You know, I talk about family because I miss my late husband,

and when all this is over,

I'm gonna go to San Marcos and visit his grave.

Mr. Walker, you are a terrific man.

I only wish I had a son like you.

Thanks, Elaine.

Eat up. Eat up, hon, that's some mighty good stuff.

It's hot.

Did I hear somebody say free food?

Come on in, Jimmy. Feeding time at the zoo.

Hi, Ranger Trivette. What do you say?

What a nice surprise.

You here for this kick-ass chili?

Oh, excuse my expression.

Yeah, it's my favorite.

Do you recognize these guys, Elaine?

Yeah, these two.

Sometimes, I see them loading the van

in back of the bingo hall.

Oscar Kane and Hector Johnson. Who?

Ricketts' top two goons.

Aggravated assault, armed robbery.

They got rap sheets as long as your arm. Thank you.

How about this other guy? Uh-uh.

Is this Ricketts man gonna try to kill me?

It's a possibility, Elaine.

Well, he's gonna have a tough time,

with three strong Rangers protecting me.

Lady, he fools with you,

we'll put him on the wrong side of the grass.

(chuckles)

ELAINE: So you strain the cabbage first,

you go easy on the mayonnaise.

See, it doesn't get mushy that way.

Not that yours wasn't terrific.

Well, I'll... I'll try that next time.

I thought it was pretty good, C.D. Thanks.

I'm gonna make you matzo brie someday.

You're gonna love it.

Yeah, I'll bet.

I'm gonna get out of here, okay?

Drive carefully.

The dishes, Jimmy.

Boy, you got a beautiful place here.

I gotta give you that.

This is where you forget the Ricketts of the world.

We'd better turn in.

Okay.

You coming?

No, I think I'll sit outside for a while.

Oh, now, if it gets cold, you come inside.

Yes, ma'am.

Good night. Good night.

You have good friends.

That I do.

Everything's gonna be all right, isn't it?

Everything'll be fine.

C.D.'ll be out in front, I'll be upstairs.

You have nothing to worry about.

You know something?

When you say it, I believe it.

Good night. Good night.

Walker, sleep tight. Don't let the bed bugs bite.

( ominous theme playing)

Oh, I thought you'd gone to bed.

Oh, I just couldn't sleep.

Well, it's kind of chilly out here.

I know. That's why I brought this blanket for you,

but you know what would be even better?

A nice, hot cup of tea.

You know, if you tell me where things are, I'll go make it.

I'll tell you what. I know where everything is.

Let me go make it.

Oh, that's wonderful.

You make me feel like a queen.

I'll just sit right here and wait for you.

(chuckles)

( suspenseful theme playing)

Not a sound, you old bat, or I'll break your jaw.

Do you understand?

(screaming)

ELAINE: C.D.!

(continues screaming)

Hold on there, you sidewinder.

(sobbing)

( light rock theme playing)

Oh, Walker, are you all right?

Yeah. Did they hurt you?

No. Where in the hell did they come from?

I was sitting on the porch waiting for you,

and suddenly, somebody grabbed me.

Cordell, I just went in to make some tea.

Well, let's tie these guys up and get the wagon out here.

I'll go in and make some coffee.

I don't think I'll be doing much sleeping tonight.

( suspenseful theme playing)

ELAINE: Oy, Walker, heh,

you're gonna be a bigger problem than Ricky Ricketts.

(sighs)

Something's bothering me about all this.

If they wanted Elaine dead,

they had the opportunity at the ranch.

They want her alive, yeah, but why?

Maybe they wanna know what she knows.

Or she's got something they want.

( dramatic theme playing)

Yeah.

(speaking indistinctly)

Excuse me.

(grunts)

If I have anymore visitors at my ranch, Ricketts,

I'm gonna come looking for you.

I have no idea what you're talking about.

You can't make those accusations and harass my client.

We're not in the courtroom, counselor.

We're in a parking lot.

Different rules here.

Cordell's right about this. Take my word for it.

Better to testify in San Anton,

and a lot safer to fly out today.

So you wanna put me in the same room as that Ricketts gangster?

You're gonna be safe, once he's behind bars.

Yeah, but w-what if he gets out?

Well, that's what the Witness Relocation Program's about.

Oh, sure. You change my name and you put me in another city,

and then you let me go. I'll stick out like a sore thumb.

No, let me take care of myself.

No, no, no, just a minute.

Just trust me on this, will you?

If anything happens to me, it's gonna be on your head.

You're gonna be riding down there with Cordell.

C.D.: He's sent Jimmy ahead to make all the preparations.

You couldn't be in better hands.

I've always felt safe with you.

Well, that's nice. You should.

I hope you have a real pleasant trip.

Aren't you forgetting something?

I don't think so.

(mumbling) I mean, is there something I...?

(chuckling) No, no.

Guess.

Um.

(chuckling)

It's just that I don't... I don'tknow.

How about a goodbye kiss?

Oh, oh, yes, ma'am.

( soft theme playing)

(exhales)

Bye, C.D.

Yes, ma'am.

(sighs)

(sniffs)

Dag gone it.

Well, she couldn't help herself.

ANNOUNCER: Flight number 17 is now boarding at Gate 4.

Flight 17 to San Antonio, now boarding at Gate 4.

Oh, look, a magazine stand.

San Antonio's a hop, not a flight.

I don't have anything to read.

We don't have time.

I need the bathroom.

Look, we only have ten minutes to get on that plane.

This isn't negotiable. No, no, I'm serious.

Now, don't worry, I'm fast. Frequent, but fast.

That's what happens when you get older.

Well, hurry up. Okay.

ANNOUNCER: From Los Angeles.

You may claim your baggage at Carousel 3.

Oh. That's a lovely outfit.

Oh, thank you. You're welcome.

How nice of you to say so.

Yeah, see, I have family in the business,

so I know from goods, yeah.

Oh, it wasn't expensive. Really?

I got it on sale. Yeah?

ANNOUNCER: This is the final boarding call

for flight number 17 to San Antonio.

The last call for final boarding,

flight number 17 to San Antonio.

All passengers holding tickets, please board now.

( suspenseful music playing)

Elaine, come on, we're late.

You're not Elaine.

(women screaming)

Sorry, ladies.

Taxi.

Hold it, hold it.

(Elaine groans)

Elaine, what do you think you're doing?

I hate to fly.

Well, don't worry about it now. The plane's already left.

Now we have to drive.

I get carsick.

Ricky, it's me.

They didn't get on.

What do you want me to do?

Follow 'em, at a distance.

Right.

Tell our reception committee in San Antonio

they're now coming down on the road.

You got it.

If I see her in court,

I'm sending someone for you.

(airplane flying overhead)

(indistinct chatter)

ANNOUNCER: Flight 17 has now arrived at Gate 2.

Flight 17 has now arrived at Gate 2.

Excuse me. Yes?

Did you see a Texas Ranger on board,

with a black hat and beard, and an older woman, talked a lot?

She probably talked all through the flight.

No, I don't think they ever got on.

Are you sure?

Well, from your description, they'd be pretty hard to miss.

Yeah, you're right. Thanks. Sure.

Walker, I have to go to the bathroom.

For real.

It had better be for real this time.

(telephone ringing)

Walker.

Hey, what's going on?

You wouldn't believe it if I told you.

Where are you?

I'm about an hour from the courthouse.

You're cutting it short, man.

Yeah, I know. I'll see you soon.

All right. Bye.

(birds chirping)

(car door closes)

Thank you. Where's your ladies' room?

WOMAN: Around the corner.

Right there? Thank you.

Trust me.

Hi, partner. Hi.

You got a hat just like me, huh?

Yeah. (chuckles)

Nice meeting you.

Okay, let's go.

Bye. Bye-bye.

( suspenseful theme playing)

(screams)

(panting)

You almost gave me a heart attack.

Let's go, Elaine.

"Trust me." I really did have to go.

Yeah, sure. I did.

( menacing theme playing)

Get down. (screams)

Stay down, Elaine.

(glass shattering) (man grunts)

Get out of there.

Get out.

Against the van. MAN: All right. All right.

Get out.

Drop it.

( suspenseful theme playing)

(grunts)

WALKER: Elaine.

(grunts)

(grunting)

Elaine.

Dang that woman.

She's beginning to irritate me.

MAN (over radio): Breaker, breaker, anyone on the horn?

Ten-four, good buddy.

Granny on the hog northbound on 35 toward Austin.

Are there any smokies down the line? Come on.

That's a big negative, Granny.

This here is Wild Bill,

and there's no smokies northbound

until you hit Georgetown.

You're all clear.

Yee-haw-ha-ha-ha.

Thank you, good buddy.

(indistinct chatter over radio)

TRIVETTE: Walker, what's goin' on?

Ricketts' men jumped me.

Elaine split. Did you come up with anything?

Yeah, uh...

I ran her name through the computer file this morning.

She didn't come up, but her husband did.

Irving? Yeah, I know. He died last year.

Really? Then how come he was picked up last week

for passing bad paper in Kansas City?

What? Are you sure?

My computer doesn't lie.

I think I know where she went.

Here's what I want you to do.

( peaceful theme playing)

(giggling)

Pleasant dreams, Irving.

(gasps)

Hi.

What are you doing here, Larry?

I wondered where you were hiding the money.

I've been following you for weeks.

Ricketts knew you were up to something,

but, uh, he didn't check the books like I did.

(chuckles)

You're his accountant.

You're supposed to be good with figures. Big deal.

I figured I'd let you keep skimming

and if they didn't catch you and kill you,

then I'd get my share, partner.

Partner?

So you've come for your share?

Oh, that's right.

(chuckling)

I'll give you your share.

( suspenseful theme playing)

Hello, Elaine.

Walker, not you again.

I'll tell you one thing. You're a sly old gal.

Why did you tell us that your husband was dead?

He is. Here, here's his grave right here.

Elaine,

Irving was picked up last week on a counterfeiting charge.

(groans)

Okay.

About four years ago,

Irving and I were gonna go to Florida,

and a week before we left,

he leaves me for another woman.

So I told everybody I was a widow.

See, if you're a widow, you get respect and sympathy.

If you've been jilted, all you get is pity.

(sirens wailing)

Well, it's time to go testify. Let's go.

(indistinct chatter over radio)

Okay, take that guy and the money and hold it for me, okay?

Yes, sir. Let's go.

L-let me just look at the money one more time.

No.

(helicopter blades rotating)

( light rock theme playing)

JUDGE: This is only a pre-trial hearing.

All the witnesses need not be present at this time.

I understand, Your Honor,

but I need our next witness to testify

so the court can understand the complexities of the charges,

to act on my motion to deny bail.

I feel the defendant

is a significant flight risk and...

JUDGE: Five o'clock, Ms. San Remo. That's it.

Now, this court has been

more than patient with you so far.

Thank you, Your Honor.

(whispers) They'd better hurry.

( rock theme playing)

(whispers) We're gonna be okay.

Well, we're approaching 5:00,

and I see no sign of this mystery witness.

Unfortunately, I have no choice but to...

Sorry we're late, Your Honor.

(spectators murmuring indistinctly)

( action theme playing)

(spectators chattering, yelling)

Order. Hold it.

Sit down. Right here, pal.

( ominous theme playing)

Look out.

Move it, move it, move it.

Look out. Look out.

(tires screeching)

(tired screeching, horn honking)

Keep moving.

(yells)

Shake him off.

(tires screeching)

(horns honking)

(grunts)

MAN: You all right?

( suspenseful theme playing)

Move, move. MAN: Hey.

(both grunting)

You had enough, Ricketts?

Guess not.

(grunting)

(grunts)

(grunting)

WALKER: Give it up, Ricketts.

(yells)

You all right?

Better than him.

TRIVETTE: Miss.

Yes. No.

This is getting boring, Trivette.

Five out of seven.

My God, Jimmy, Cordell's on a roll.

I'm a slow starter. My momentum's changing.

Don't these two ever give up?

Competition, honey. It'll get you right on the edge.

Speaking of that,

I heard you were a little competitive

out at Walker's ranch.

Well, I, uh, don't wanna brag or anything.

I was just my... My usual fantastic self.

(laughs)

Oh, really?

That old gal is something else.

She's smooth as a baby's behind.

WOMAN (on TV): She's lived a life most have only dreamed of.

Danger, romance, action.

She's the geriatric James Bond,

and she's just sold her story

for an upcoming TV movie called,

The Big Bingo Bamboozle.

Let's welcome Elaine Portugal.

Oh, my God. ( applause)

Chased by vicious criminals.

Hunted like an animal.

You had to outwit everyone,

even the famous Texas Rangers, just to stay alive.

Well, what was it like?

Well, there's something about danger

that brings people close together.

In fact, um,

two of the Rangers had the hots for me.

(in unison) Hots?

Really? Well, tell us about it.

Oh, sorry. I'm saving that for my book.

(in unison) Book?

(laughing)

(Resync by Chuck)

♪ 'Cause the eyes of a ranger ♪

♪ Are upon you ♪

♪ Any wrong you do ♪

♪ He's gonna see ♪

♪ When you're in Texas Look behind you ♪

♪ 'Cause that's where The ranger's gonna be ♪