Original subtitles

Come on. Come on, come on, come on.

Come on, come on.

What are you doing?

Oh, I'm waiting to see if that branch with the crack falls.

How long have you been waiting?

Mm, 23 years, but I think today's the day.

Nothing prepares one for the sheer boredom

of endless purgatory.

We could start a rumor.

Ooh, we haven't started a rumor in a while.

- Mm. - Can it be devastating?

- Oh, absolutely. - Mm.

But who should it be about?

Hey, guys.

I just got back from an epic trip.

I went to "Buda-pesht."

You may know it as "Buda-pest,"

but in "Buda-pesht" it's "Buda-pesht."

And it was the Buda-best.

- Uh-huh. - Can't wait to tell Donna

all about it.

I'm gonna see her next week.

Right, Donna, your island paramour.

Man, this new power has really opened things up for me.

I never realized how bored I was

just sitting there for 40 years, yeesh.

Anyway, nice to see you guys. Good to be back.

Good luck with your, uh, branch there, Sass.

Today could be the day.

Let me know what happens.

Ah.

Random thought, but, uh,

what if we made the rumor about Pete?

Let's make it a doozy.

All right, "Getting Your Groove Back

After a Breakup," here we go.

Yes, this article shall be the salve

to the lingering pain of my separation from Nigel.

"Number one: take a trip somewhere fun."

Okay, well, that one is obviously out.

"Number two: reinvent yourself with a bold new wardrobe."

- Oh, boy. - Guessing that didn't go over well.

Wait, let me see, uh,

"Enjoy a decadent meal, join a rec league

and meet new people," yeah, these aren't helping.

Another great article from the biased Living media.

Well, that's it.

Looks like I'm gonna have to quit my job.

I'm-I'm sorry, job? You have a job?

I was keeping it secret so Mom and Dad didn't freak out,

but yeah.

I've been working remotely for the last three months

as a financial analyst at Mahoning Capital.

Apparently, Trevor has been working remotely

as some sort of financial analyst.

What? How?

I got an identity on the dark web,

applied online and got the gig.

From there, it was easy. Sending in my reports,

crushing chats in the company Slack.

It's honestly a great time for a ghost to have a job.

So he got an identity on the dark web.

How did he even get through an interview?

I said I needed a written interview

because I have ADHD, which isn't technically true,

but I also lied about it in college to get drugs,

so there is a history there.

So why must you quit this job?

Because my boss is demanding our team

attend a mandatory in-person retreat,

which obviously I can't do.

It sucks. Also, it's just rude.

A work thing on a weekend? People have lives.

- You're dead. - I'm talking about other people.

Should I get a job? Would that get my groove back?

Now, a good rumor must be surprising yet plausible.

- Mm-hmm. - In life, I once spread a doozy

about Mamie Fish having a back nipple.

- What about Pete's hair? - Hmm.

Maybe we tell people it's a wig?

- Ooh. - Or it snaps in place like a Lego piece?

It does look oddly removable.

- Yeah. - I guess that's what his island girl Donna's into.

That's it. Donna.

What about Donna?

Oh, no...

- Oh... - Sorry, actually, it's nothing.

- It's not really meant for you to hear. - No. No, no, no, no.

Thor can keep secret.

Tell no one the baroness died

in season finale of Bodices and Barons.

I haven't seen that yet.

Is excellent, you will enjoy.

Now, what about Donna?

Okay, fine.

So, rumor has it, Pete's Caribbean girlfriend Donna

doesn't exist.

- Whoa. - Peter made the whole thing up.

- I can't... it's very sad. - It's so sad.

- It's sad. - So sad. It's so sad.

But remember, Thorfinn,

- mum's the word. - Mm-hmm.

Thor promise. Is secret.

Sort of like how Baroness died at hands of own sister Penelope.

- Thorfinn! - Is great twist.

You will love.

Okay, I have great news.

I just Slacked with my boss Brett, and he is down

to have the work retreat here at Woodstone.

What? Trevor wants to have his work retreat here.

How would that even help?

- They won't be able to see him. - True,

they won't be able to see me,

but they will be able to see Jay being me.

And now he's suggesting that you somehow pretend to be him.

No. No way.

Wait, how would that even work?

Well, they don't know what I look like,

and I can just tell him what to say.

Or tell you to tell him what to say.

Yeah, Jay could wear one of those Bluetooth earpieces.

I feel like douchey Wall Street guys do that.

- Yeah, we do. - What is going on?

Why are you so on board?

I'm-I'm not pretending to be a ghost.

No one is asking him to pretend to be a ghost.

I'm simply asking him to pretend to be the person

that a ghost is pretending to be.

What's going on, gang?

Oh, Trevor's trying to get Jay to...

I'm sorry, what the hell is this?

What? Oh, this?

You know, after you all departed, I finished that magazine article

and I was taken by tip number nine:

"New do, new you."

Hey, hey. Sam. Hey.

Sorry, Isaac d-did something.

It's not important.

"Not important"? The old Isaac

would be offended by a comment like that.

But the new Isaac says, "Long hair, don't care."

Sam, please.

Having this job has made me feel alive again.

I love being back in the mix with my people:

fun, cool go-getters, instead of these dead lame-o's.

- No offense. - No offense taken.

- All good. - Ugh. I really hate this.

Jay, this job means so much to Trevor.

- We could at least try. - Also,

I didn't want to make my finance job about money,

but if you do this, I'll split my bonus with you.

And he's offering to split his bonus with us.

- How much? - Enough to repair the fountain.

He's talking fountain money, Jay.

Okay. Fine.

Yes.

See? It all worked out.

Oh, stop it.

But I'm just not sure this sells "Trevor Lefkowitz."

I didn't use my real name.

I picked something hard to google

and impossible to forget.

What name did you use?

H-Hey, guys, it's me, Michael Jackson.

As you all know, my name is Brett,

aka the Brettinator.

I gave him that nickname.

Welcome to our team meeting.

I thought it was important for us to get together IRL,

get some face time

to see if Maggie can finally take down Dave.

- Hey-yo! - Ooh.

You guys know I'm engaged.

Nobody cares, Dave, this is happening.

Classic Maggie. I love it.

So she's harassing him.

I guess that's progress?

It's all good.

Uh-oh, MJ, you're not on the phone

with HR, are you?

Uh, no, I'm on a business call.

Stocks.

"Earnings call, dolla-dolla bills, y'all."

And tell him to raise the roof when he says it, that's key.

"Earnings call. Dolla-dolla bills, y'all."

And Trevor says to raise the roof when you say it.

Earnings call.

Dolla-dolla bills, y'all.

- Ah! - Hey, raise the roof.

By the way, Michael, sick job with the Dreamtek merger.

How did you reach the valuation?

That... is a great question.

How did I come up with the valuation

for the Dreamtek merger?

I ran a DCF with a Monte Carlo sim

to factor in volatility.

Uh...

Mmm.

Oh, you know.

I ran a, uh, a-a-a DTF down in Monte Carlo.

DTF?

Sounds like me this weekend. Am I right, Dave?

Lock your door, Dave. Maggie's had a lot of white wine.

You guys, I got big news.

Did you hear about Pete?

Thor told me that his Caribbean plaything

Donna isn't real. He made her up.

What? Why would he do that?

Oh, I'm not that surprised. That's his kink.

He likes 'em fake, huh?

Pete's girlfriend is fake?

Pete's girlfriend is fake.

Pete's girlfriend is fake.

Pete? From compliance?

Yep. That's the one.

They have a kid together. I thought.

Nope. Kid's fake, too.

Uh, but I made a major life decision

based on Pete bursting into my wedding

saying how meaningful his relationship with Donna was,

and you're telling me he made it all up?

Pretty much.

I have to be alone with my thoughts.

Oh.

Yes! Pete with arrow in neck!

He has fake girlfriend!

That is most pathetic, Father!

Yes, is very embarrassing!

Which is why you must keep secret!

Why would you say that I made up Donna?

Pete.

Just rumor going around. Everyone saying so.

But better question is,

why you listening to Thor's private yellings with son?

Where is this coming from?

Donna is real. She's my girlfriend.

Oh, there you are.

Ow!

What was that sound, Father?

Bjorn miss incredible moment! Will fill in later!

What was that for?

For your wedding day spectacle

that was rooted in pure fiction.

I left Nigel at the altar based in part

on your tale of this wonderful "Donna."

You fooled me with your pitiful fantasy.

Okay, this has escalated.

I may look laid-back, but this has my dander up.

I kind of feel like he's stepping on my thing,

but we don't have to get into that right now.

Isaac, I would never make up a story like that.

Donna is real. You've got to believe me.

You've gone too far this time, Peter.

Long hair... do care.

And tell Jay he needs to do a better job

- selling my anecdotes. - Trevor thinks you could seem

a little more enthusiastic about his stories.

Okay, first of all, that's way too much salt.

And also, he's got to give me something to work with.

That Pauly Shore thing went nowhere.

"Nowhere"? We shared an ice cream in Montauk.

Who is Pauly Shore?

A once-in-a-generation talent, and we went splitsies

on a pint of rocky road, and somehow,

Jay can't even make that interesting.

I got to get back in there.

Hey, do you think I could tell them that the innkeeper lady's into me?

Think it might buy me some cred with the gang.

He's not wrong.

Okay, fine.

I guess I could be a little lonely up here,

running this place by myself.

Your character does not need a backstory, Sam.

Sorry, I was chatting up that hot innkeeper.

I think she's got a little thing for me.

Take a number, MJ.

She's been giving me eyes all afternoon.

Really?

- Is no one safe? - Okay,

best restaurant in the city right now.

Oh, Le Cirque. Say Le Cirque.

Trevor says it's Le Cirque.

Ah... what's he doing?

It used to be Le Cirque 20 years ago,

but now I'd say it's Maxfields,

Carbonara, or Tom and Joe's.

Yeah, but those places are impossible to get into.

- Yeah. - Not if you know the chef.

Okay, he pulled that off, but, Sam, you got to come get him.

We need the earpiece back in.

Uh, uh, Jay. Um, MJ, Michael Jackson.

I can't remember how you said you wanted your steak cooked.

Medium-rare.

Well, actually,

could you come show me? Because...

I'm all alone up here,

and I don't get to talk to many people

since the mill closed. Times have been hard.

Is she doing a Southern accent?

You don't have a character, Sam.

Sure, I'll be right there.

Ooh.

Okay,

can I say what we're all thinking?

I am obsessed with MJ.

He rules.

Wow,

- they really like Jay. - Only because I spent

the last month laying the groundwork.

They don't like Jay.

They like Michael Jackson, aka T-Money.

What's crazy is,

before this retreat,

I expected Michael to be so lame.

- What? - And old.

His references on Slack were so dated and cringe.

I know, he's always talking about that

weird ice-skating rom-com The Cutting Edge.

- Yeah. - That's a great movie.

Forgive me for being cultured.

I was sure he was gonna be, like, 70.

Totally wrong.

Yeah, it turns out he's not some weird old geezer after all.

Geezer?

Don't listen to them, Trev.

Thor think Le Cirque very cool.

Whatever. Screw this.

I got the first course for y'all.

It's a corn chowder just like Meemaw used to make.

That was before the war,

before the winds of change swept through our little farmstead.

You know, I was out, but I'm back in.

My girl's painting a picture.

Hey.

Thor and Alberta told us what happened.

Are you doing okay?

If it makes you feel better, it's not your fault.

I'm just really charming and likable.

- Jay. - I'm just quoting the Brettinator.

I just feel like such a fool.

I thought this job was my chance to relive my glory days,

to pick up where I left off,

but the truth is, it's too late.

The parade has passed me by.

If it help... parade also pass by Thor.

Did not know there was parade.

Did you see parade?

Well, you still have the job.

You could still do your trading and stuff.

It wasn't about the job.

When I was alive, I was on my way to being someone,

to making a mark, to becoming a legend.

But now I'm just some dead guy that nobody remembers.

Look, Trevor, here's the thing.

He's gone, Jay.

Can you just let me make my point?

Who does it hurt?

In my day I see many die before their time.

Such as Agnar,

who had intestines ripped out through sphincter.

And Gunhild, who was fed own eyeballs and beheaded.

- I could go on. - Please don't.

Feel like posting an update, babe?

Trevor feels like he never got the chance to make his mark.

Because he died so young.

And he's starting to realize he never will.

And then Thor tell very relevant sphincter story.

Please convey.

Yeah, I imagine that must be really hard for Trevor.

Oh, man, now I'm feeling bad

for the ghost that wanted to sleep with my sister.

I just wish there was something we could do.

I think I might have an idea.

Name of sphincter victim was Agnar,

in case have trouble recalling.

Peter, can we talk to you for a moment?

Sure, but I'm pretty cheesed off.

I'm gonna figure out what sick, twisted person

started this rumor, and I'm gonna slap them.

With my words.

Using constructive conversation.

We have a confession to make, Peter.

We were the ones that started that rumor about Donna.

What?

Why would you do that?

We were bored, and it seemed fun.

But why me?

Well, to be honest, I think we might've been

a little jealous of your power.

We're very happy for you,

but it's not easy hearing about your escapades.

And then the "Buda-pesht" of it all,

kind of felt like you were asking for it.

Ah, darn it.

I got so caught up in my hectic boundary-crossing lifestyle,

I didn't take time to think about

how my travel talk affects the housebounds.

That's what I call regular ghosts.

- Cool. - It can't be easy

for Donna either, dating a 100% free-range.

That's what I call myself.

Well, that notwithstanding,

again, what we did was wrong, and we are very sorry.

A-And don't worry, we will tell everyone that we were

the ones that spread the vicious rumor.

Yeah, man, I'm sorry.

Thanks, I appreciate it,

but I feel like the damage is done.

I mean, how can I prove that Donna's real?

She can't come here.

You guys clearly can't go there.

I'm the only one with the almost

magical ability to move between different...

Okay, yeah, I'm hearing it now.

Ooh, this is a great retreat.

From the highs of getting wasted

with you all last night to the lows of Dave

wimping out and staying faithful to his fiancée.

Nice shirt, Dave. Do they make that in a men's version?

Maggie call Dave woman in most humorous manner.

I'd like to say a few words.

You're the man, MJ.

Cool, glad they love Jay.

And just keep listening.

It's true, I am the man.

But it's only because I had the best mentor.

A legend by the name of Trevor Lefkowitz.

What?

He taught me everything I know about

finance and hot chicks

and underrated rom-com The Cutting Edge.

Trevor Lefkowitz?

You mean T-Money?

You know him?

We all know Trevor Lefkowitz.

- They do? - You do?

Sorry. Can I get you guys anything?

Hey, what happened to your accent?

Oh.

That was my twin sister Daisy May.

We were separated at birth, but now

we run an inn together.

She's a laid-back country gal

and I'm a go-go city slicker, but somehow it works.

Who is this for, Sam?

Anyway, how do you guys know T-Money?

Well, we don't know him personally,

but we know the legend.

Back in the day,

Trevor gave his pants to a junior trader named Pinkus

during a hazing ritual known as the Run of Fun.

True hero move on Trevor's part.

And Pinkus was forever grateful.

When he started his own firm, he banned hazing,

and then passed the story down to his mentees.

- They passed it down to us. - Aw.

T-Money changed the game.

That's incredible.

- He was hot, too. - Mm.

It just keeps getting better.

How's that for leaving a mark, Trev?

We still do the Run of Fun to this day,

but now it's a fun tribute to Trevor and his legacy.

They don't like you, Trevor.

They idolize you.

Wait, how could Trevor be your mentor?

Wouldn't you have been a teenager when he died?

Oh, he was a family friend, and, uh,

I was very advanced.

Like... The timing works.

On the count of three.

One, two, three.

T-Money!

Trevor looks so happy.

Good for him.

That shirt really hikes up when he's running, huh?

Wonder if they make that shirt in lady version.

Wait.

I'm going in.

What?

My hair looks too good not to be flowing in the breeze.

Well, Pete, I did a little research for you,

and I managed to find some articles about Donna.

She's real, all right.

See, I told you.

Wait, why are there articles about her?

Because she sort of murdered her husband

and fled to the Caribbean.

Really?

Oh, shoot.

Yeah, there's actually an episode of a show

called Vicious Vixens that delves into the whole situation.

You guys want to watch?

Uh, no, we don't want to watch an episode

about Pete's psychotic murdering girlfriend.

Play it.

They called her the Slaying Mantis.

Ooh, that's clever.

A cold-blooded killer.

Whoa, a pitchfork?

Didn't see that coming.

Neither did Gerald, apparently.

Do you know Pete?

The guy with the arrow through his neck?

Yeah, what about him?

Rumor has it, his hair is actually some type of wig.

Interesting. I would buy that.

Some are saying it may even be made out of Lego.

Did you guys start that rumor, too?

Oh... yeah.

We didn't... we didn't know

if the Donna rumor would-would get traction.

So we started the hair thing as a hedge.

What a sad loser.

Seriously! It's like,

get an afterlife, you freak!

- Synced and corrected by chamallow - - www.addic7ed.com -