Original subtitles

Provided by explosiveskull https://twitter.com/kaboomskull

You have a collect call from an inmate

at Hillsborough correctional facility.

This call may be monitored.

To accept this call, please press zero.

If you do not..

- Frankie. - Hey.

Frank, you're there?

Hey, can you hear me?

Frankie, I can't fucking hear you, be clear.

It's just real loud in here.

Hold on a sec.

Jesus fucking Christ.

Can you hear me now?

Yeah.

How are you, do you want us to come get you?

No, listen, I got my truck.

I wanna head straight over to the shop at five o'clock.

Shop, all right, yeah, now we'll meet you there.

Yeah, okay.

How is Crystal doing?

She's good, she made a pancake,

she's watching cartoons with Pack.

Hey, daddy's coming home.

Stay, stay.

Hey sweetie.

How'd she do?

Yeah, she did all right.

You wanna go see daddy?

Hey, Crystal, sweetie.

Come on, come on.

Okay, stay with her.

I get it.

It's okay, it's okay.

Come on.

All right, look, this morning-

- This morning what?

I should have fed the dog?

I should have put gas in the truck?

Because I did all that shit.

I know, I messed up.

You shit all over Saturday morning is what you did.

You just completely destroyed the love of the day,

you left a fucking crater, like

sadness.

Look, I know that it's expensive

and I know that we're poor, but-

- We're not, we're not, we're not poor.

All right, fine.

We're clinging to the last branch

of the lower middle class, whatever.

It's where I want to go.

It's not just the money.

Is it because the school is closer to her?

Yeah.

All right, fine.

I'll go to UNH Manchester, five blocks away.

But start compromising now so it won't be such a shock

when I'm a balding 49 year old supermarket checkout girl

with carpal fucking tunnel.

All right, good, then it's settled.

Fuck you.

You're not funny.

All right, look.

Just fucking do it, okay?

I'll take out loans and all that.

All right?

Just fucking do it.

You know someday I'm gonna make a lot of money, dad.

You won't have to work so hard, okay?

Yeah, I don't mind working hard, but thank you.

So can you go now or?

Oh, hold on a second.

Let me ask you.

Oh definitely, no, look at this, it's disgusting.

How did you know that's what I was going to ask you about?

How about you can put on the shirt I bought you.

Hey, do you mind if I borrow that jacket

if I ever get a date?

Fucking protein powder.

- Hey! - Wow, so gorgeous.

Hey, it's nice to see you.

Nice to see you.

Look at your hair, it's nice.

You want to give me a hit?

Of what?

Of what, of what?

Frank's not even here, you're not going to get in trouble.

Yeah, you're good out here I bet.

Just one hit.

Whoop whoop.

Tell me where I can get it, you know.

Don't smoke.

It's good.

What's going on out here?

- Hi Frankie. - Nothing. Hey, Frank.

Crystal, it's way too cold, put something warmer on.

I don't want you out here like this.

Why are you laughing?

What'd you cook?

Hey, hey, where are you going?

I'm not burning no sausages, not burning.

I'm telling you right now.

That's the protein of the fucking meal.

You don't burn the sausages.

Hey, you guys take a look at the Christmas tree yet?

Fucking gorgeous.

Perfect, that's good, I love these sweet sausages.

Hey, you want this fine wine?

One legged duck swim in a circle.

- Circle. - Crystal, I love that

Christmas tree, it looks beautiful.

- This looks beautiful. - Let's eat, I'm starving.

Make a room, you want more?

Yeah.

This are delicious.

That's a nice shirt, Frank.

Thanks.

They made that for men?

Hey, I bought him that.

Yeah, I like it.

Old man don't smoke anymore.

I got him to quit.

Did you?

Yeah, I posted photos of rotten cancer infested lungs

all over the house.

Oh, maybe one night, we don't fucking drink so much.

Come on, Frank, It's Christmas.

You see how wound up he is,

could you maybe like take him out,

and meet somebody or something.

Like what, for his penis?

Take it easy.

All he wants to do is be here or at his shop.

It's true.

Because every time I go to a bar with you too

you get wasted and fucking start shit.

And thus, you never meet anybody.

As far as meeting somebody though,

you did mean like a female, right?

Swaino, you know who you are?

You're the guy who makes one too many gay jokes.

You know what, I got nothing but love for you tonight.

'Cause we're having a beautiful dinner at Frankie's.

You're a good man, Packie.

It's good, all of us together, right?

How's that school search coming?

Those college essays turned out good, right?

Yeah, thanks for your help on those Packie.

They turned out real well.

- Mm-hmm. - I don't know.

What, what's the matter?

No, nothing's wrong.

Hey, what'd you fucking say to her?

I don't know, I'm sorry.

Packie, what's going on?

Hey, Chris.

Hey, fuck this school.

I was the same way, you know,

you just kind of have to find your own path to knowledge.

Congratulations.

It says you got in.

Did I get in, did I get in?

How's early acceptance motherfuckers?

- Oh, Crystal! - Did you fucking know?

Of course I know, I'm paying for it.

Hey!

Of course he fucking knew!

Oh.

Hey, hey, hey, merry fucking Christmas.

Merry Christmas.

Merry fucking Christmas.

UCLA

You're smart.

Los Angels could be a dangerous place, trust me.

You got to keep your head on a swivel.

You ain't been on a fucking airplane.

Not the point here.

All right, you're right.

So if a guy comes at you with a knife.

Yeah.

You just pivot your wrist like this.

Oh.

You've got to try to stab me.

Well, an attacker is not going to tell you

he's gonna stab you.

I'm just putting that out.

Let's do it, you're right.

You're right, I'm wrong.

So then you pivot the wrist like that.

I'm not playing anymore.

- Are you okay? - Yeah.

Dad, can I have one cigarette?

Thought you quit with me.

It's just one.

What about the cancer?

Oh, shut up, Packie.

Going to UCLA, she's gonna cure cancer.

Frankie, give her a cigarette.

Give her one.

- No. - Just give her one.

Fuck it.

You know you owe me after this morning.

What happened this morning?

Got into an argument and he punched a hole in the wall.

At least he didn't-

- Hey Swaino, can I wear brown boots with a black jacket?

Once I get to see the boots.

Why are you asking him?

Once I start buying my clothes from a fucking garbage can

I'll ask you.

Thank you, Sensei.

Hey, so listen to me.

So Karen's coming over tonight to bring Crystal out.

Oh my God.

Tonight?

Yeah.

She's coming here?

The fucking cunt is back in town.

Don't use that language in front of crystal.

What the fuck should I call her then?

Bitch, whore?

What, I'm just trying to help, skank?

It's the mother of my child,

can you show some fucking respect?

She don't fucking deserve respect.

So do it for Crystal then.

This is fucking bullshit, Frankie.

You should've told us.

Hey Frank, Frank,

don't look directly into her eyes.

Hey.

Hey.

Jesus Christ.

How are you doing?

How's things Frank?

I'm actually pretty good, actually.

How long are you in town?

I don't know, a couple of days, we'll see.

So, you still not drinking and doing your push ups?

You look good too.

Oh, and I didn't need to quit shit.

How are you faggots doing?

I'm doing good?

Really?

You act like I'm the devil or something.

Kind of fucking worse.

Ma.

Oh, look at you.

Oh my God.

You're goddamn gorgeous.

Look at this hair, oh my God, it grew.

It's been a year, Karen.

Okay, thank you.

We've got some catching up to do, don't we?

Tonight is your night, I'm gonna spoil you so bad.

You've got fake tits, Karen.

I know they look good, don't they?

No, it's just this bra that I'm wearing.

Did you want to see them?

Ma.

Okay.

Okay, well, like show him, like you miss them,

like you want to peek.

Hey, remember when we were all friends before I grew tits.

All right, well this was fun.

Anyway, do you want to go shopping for Christmas?

Yeah, oh, I want to hear about everything about the boys.

I want to hear where you like to go.

I want to get everything,

- okay? - Yeah.

Let's get him the fuck out of here.

Hey Frank, let's go get a drink somewhere, huh?

- Come on, Frankie. - Come on.

We'll have fun, you'll have a seltzer.

Let's go.

All right, fine.

Yeah, that's what I'm talking about Frankie, let's go.

All right, enough with the fucking talk, okay?

To Crystal.

To Crystal.

Who knew that accidental orgasm

in a Hampton Beach bathroom would go to fucking college?

If you only pulled out that night

your whole fucking life, your whole life

would have been different.

Okay, enough.

Fucking college.

I'm so proud of us, man.

Us, the fuck you ever do?

I did a lot back in the day.

Bullshit, you ever change a diaper?

You?

What?

I've been changing diapers since I was nine years old.

My sisters have babies coming out of their asses.

I love babies.

Everybody fucking knows this about me.

Look at the blonde at the bar.

Shit, her tits are perfect.

I think it's C-cup.

She's all right.

You okay?

I'm at McGarvey's.

Of course, yeah, okay, I'm headed out.

All right, I'll be right there.

Is she okay, Frank?

Yeah, she's fine, she just needs something.

Hey, I tell you my cough drop thing?

I go up to a girl and I just start coughing.

Are you listening?

I go up to a girl and I start coughing

and she gives me a cough drop.

Wait, we hitting on girls?

Sorry.

For what?

I was just kind of staring.

Stare all you fucking want.

I do Pilates.

Got a light?

Yeah, I do.

You're a hero.

And I don't even smoke anymore, I just carry a lighter,

it's like a habit.

It's kind of, it's weird.

It's a great story.

Are you fucking with me?

A little bit, yeah.

I'm a Ducati guy.

My partner's a Ducati guy.

You should see my Ducati, try to explain

to this gentleman, I say to him, look,

Ducati is constantly fine tuning engines for performance.

You can't compare it.

It's like a donkey with a Jaguar, right?

Seriously, nobody got a fucking cough drop?

This guy, you know, he's sitting there, he's like,

you know, he's like a fucking weekend warrior, right?

Running around like you're Sonny fucking Barger.

Meanwhile, he's probably a dental hygienist from Derry.

That guy was like 70 years old.

Hey look, it's a leprechaun.

Not so good at this whole flirting thing, are you?

No.

I'm Dottie.

Oh, nice to meet you, Dottie.

I'm Frank.

- Who's this? - It's my daughter.

- Hey. - Hey.

Hey, can I borrow your credit card?

She really is your daughter.

She doesn't have a card?

She maxed it out shopping for me.

Can I get one of those?

Thanks.

Who carries a light if he doesn't smoke?

Real fun time this guy.

Huh, you don't know the half of it.

Oh, hello.

Hello.

Sorry.

Who the fuck are you?

Yeah, I'm just going to go over there, wait for my Uber.

Oh, Uber, fancy.

Hey Ma, you want to just wait in the car,

I'm talking to dad for a bit.

Hey just go stay warm.

I'm gonna go pee-pee.

She's fucking wasted.

Yeah, well, she hasn't eaten yet.

And I'm driving so,

I already know what you're going to say.

You're gonna tell me that she doesn't respect me

and that I deserve better.

And you know what, you're right.

But she's still my mother

and I haven't seen her in a long time.

I just want to have dinner, okay?

Let me see that.

Don't let her walk away with it.

Oh, I love you, dad.

- Hey. - Yeah.

You're gonna give my dad your number or what?

Yeah.

There you go.

Yeah, thanks.

He takes a shot, you know, I parry it,

I turn over a hot right hand and pop, pop, pop.

I dropped the fucker, right?

Why do you always gotta make shit up to sound cool,

Swaino, he didn't hit the dude.

How'd you get caught jerking off in your cousin's panties?

Excuse us.

Point being-

- Why you sleep with a He-Man doll until you were 13?

Why do you still live in your granny's basement?

When we're in the fifth grade, we had a sleep over

in Frank's backyard, Swaino called his parents

at two in the morning because he pissed

his fucking tightey whiteys.

So his father shows up says he pees as always,

he called him a pussy and slaps Swaino

across the face and Swaino, he cried like a little bitch.

Dude, he just bitch slapped that guy.

You all right?

All right.

Packie, listen.

Packie, listen.

I'm sorry.

Take it outside please.

What the fuck are you laughing at?

Hurt your girlfriends feelings?

Hey why don't you mind your own fucking business?

Shut the fuck up.

Why don't you mind your own fucking business

before you get fucking slapped,

you're next, you fucking string bean motherfucker,

what's the problem?

What about you with these fucking shoes.

Where the fuck did you get these from, faggot?

That's homophobic.

Where'd I get the shoes?

Yeah.

I don't know, maybe same place I fucked your mother,

how about that?

I'm right fucking here.

Stop fucking looking at me.

You wanna fuck me or you wanna fight me?

I'm right the fuck here.

Don't touch me.

I swear to God, I'll knock your fucking ass out.

Hey, hey!

Stop it.

Fucking stop it, back the fuck off.

Now my fucking boy's here, motherfuckers.

Listen, Crystal's here and I don't want

to get into this shit right now.

Let's go.

All right man, just settle down.

Don't fucking touch me, bitch, that's my boyfriend.

No, that's my fucking husband, bitch.

Fuck you, bitch.

Kick his ass Frank, whoop his ass.

Fuck him up, hit him.

Hey Frank,

Frankie enough.

Frank.

Frank, you're gonna kill him, Frankie.

Daddy stop!

Crystal.

Come on, Frankie, let's go.

Don't fucking touch me.

I fucking knew this was gonna happen.

Hey, hey, hey, Frankie.

You stay away from me and you stay away from my family.

I don't want to see again I don't want to ever fucking

see you again.

Come on, we gotta go.

Come on.

You got another text from Frank.

Again, fuck him.

I think it's sad, they've been friends forever.

What's the text say?

Jesus.

Jesus Christ.

I'm coming, Frankie.

He wants you to come by tonight.

He's hiring strippers as an apology.

Frank Romanowski is hiring strippers, fuck him.

He's extending an olive branch here.

It's a fucking sexist olive branch.

Suck a tiny dick, Judy.

If you don't know how important this is to our baby brother-

- What if I don't want to go?

Stop being a fucking pussy.

Frankie.

Frankie.

Okay, just let it out.

All right, your brain, your lungs, what stage is it?

Does that hurt?

Does your dick still work?

I don't have cancer.

What the fuck?

So are you mad at me for not having cancer?

I, you know my cousin Larry died from fucking lymphoma.

Hey, where'd you get your TV?

Costco.

How much was it?

I don't remember.

It's nice.

Oh Jesus Christ, we haven't seen each other in months

and the first thing you do is fucking lie to me.

All right, look, you're to promise me

you're not going to freak out.

What?

Swaino's coming over.

Here?

No, he's going to the Stop & Shop

to buy a fucking sandwich.

Of course, here.

I don't want to see that asshole.

Because he slapped you?

A slap is insult and it's not the first time

in our history that happened either.

It's like the 11th time.

Okay, come on.

No, you come on.

You should be mad at me and not him.

No, I'm mad at the both of you, Frank.

Three months, nobody fucking calls me,

I'm wasting away.

Okay, so you're gonna ride this shitty BMX by him

and give him ammunition to bust your balls

for the next hundred fucking years.

Is that what you want?

Hey.

Packie, hey, Packie, that's the closet.

No shit, I know it's the closet

How are you doing, man?

It's really good to finally

good to see you.

I'm sorry, I just, I can't quite make out what you saying.

It's good to

Fuck this.

Fuck you.

Aw, yeah.

You seem a little bit tense.

It's work shit.

- Yeah? - How are you doing?

Got blown an hour ago.

Where's my guy?

Where's my guy?

Oh, oh, could you be here?

Could you be here?

There's my guy.

There's my baby boy.

Look at my baby boy.

Oh!

Who's my guy?

Oh yes, oh yes.

Who's my sexy man?

Did I miss you so fucking much?

God, I missed this man.

You got a new TV, huh?

I did.

Yeah, mine's bigger, but that's good.

What the fuck was that?

What's that?

So you got a chihuahua?

Hardy har.

Surprised, you spent all that money

on a designer Mexican toy breed.

If I'm a Chihuahua then you're a fucking Corgi.

Was that a fucking burn, Packie?

You see, you got to one up me with a smaller dog.

A Corgi is a smaller dog.

A Corgi's practically regular size dog.

They just got wicked short legs.

Should have said like a Yorkshire Terrier.

A Yorkshire aint smaller than a Chihuahua, I should know,

me and my Grammy used to have one.

What do you mean, fucking Falcor?

That maniac was a fucking Maltese and it was a mix.

- He was not. - He had white

fucking fur and Jesus, Packie.

Trading barbs with you is like throwing rocks at a retard.

Hey, he knows my uncle Gary has fucking down syndrome.

You're right.

Should've said trading barbs with you

was like throwing rocks at your uncle Gary.

Knock it off, Swaino, knock it off.

Ain't knockin' shit off.

Fuck this fucking Leprechaun.

As an Irish American, I fucking take offense to that.

What does that even fucking mean I'm half Irish.

Exactly, you're a fucking traitor

You're magically delicious.

All right, all right, all right.

Knock it the fuck off, okay?

Come here, come here.

Can't let 30 years of history go down the fucking toilet

over some fucking bullshit.

What the fuck are you talking about, Frank,

you're the one that said you were done.

Yeah, Frank.

I know, and I was wrong.

All right?

Okay.

Yeah, let's do it.

How are we doing this?

What time do they get here?

Who, who's getting here?

The strippers.

What strippers?

What do you mean what strippers,

Frank fucking ordered strippers.

How are we doing this?

Frank, you ordered strippers?

There's no strippers coming.

What do you mean there's no strippers coming?

I stopped, I got 30 fucking dollars in singles here.

You lied to him too, Frank?

The hell is going on here, Frank?

I got fucking plans tonight, I got fucking friends.

We ain't friends?

No, I mean like adult friends,

not fucking childhood friends.

We're adults, we're adults.

You're in your 40s, Packie.

What is that?

That's like nursery school age for leprechauns, right?

Get off me.

When did you start drinking again?

Today.

Why?

- I'm sick and tired- - 'Cause I'm just curious.

I have feelings.

I come from a long line of proud Irish immigrants.

My people have been oppressed by white people

for far too long to be putting up with this

and marginalized.

But you fuckers that I call my friends.

Made fun of and fucking laugh, what, what?

Don't fucking laugh.

Listen to you.

You're right, you're right, you're right.

I know I'm right.

Hey, hey.

Hey,

you okay?

Yeah, I'm okay, yeah.

- You good? - Yeah.

All right, listen.

I got steaks, I got booze, I got beer.

The fight on Pay-Per-View, we are hanging out tonight.

You in?

Yeah, I'll watch a fight.

Me too, I can do it.

Me too, I'll stay for the fight.

Hey, I got a surprise for you pussies.

What the fuck, bro?

That's the holy grail right there.

Ah!

He's right there he's got fight, fight, fight.

Choke that motherfucker out.

I fucking can't fucking look at it.

Hey Frank.

Hey, to friendship.

- Hey. - Frank.

Right?

Thank you Frank.

Aw, God is that fucking good.

How's your grandma doing?

Oh, she's amazing.

How the fuck old is she now anyway?

99, can you believe it?

Remember the time in third grade

when we all seen her a bush.

Remember that?

We come walking downstairs,

she's cooking flap jacks, she turns around,

what do you know, Frankie, no pants.

You know that's the first real bush I ever saw.

Why the fuck you always got to bring that up?

Packie, how do you not bring that up?

Like a fucking baby gray squirrel.

To your grandma.

To baby gray squirrels.

You know when I took that picture?

Frank's Small Engine Repair signature fucking image.

I mean rarely does an image capture someone's personality

so good. God, is she beautiful?

Hey Frank, you know something, I oughta get residuals

for that fucking picture.

You're drinking your residuals.

What are you doing?

Wait.

Is this really for me.

That's just enough for you,

where's your daddy?

Happy birthday.

Because I'm six?

You're now six years old, you need your own man.

Hey Swaino, hit the light.

Yeah, you got it.

Look at the lights, look at the lights.

So beautiful.

One, two, three, dismount.

Give her like a tool or something.

Look who's the most beautiful.

Look at you.

- Perfect. - Make a smile.

Tell her you got a future or something.

Oh, look at this.

Oh, we got it, we got it, that's so good.

Hey come on, come on, up, up, up.

The moment we've been waiting for.

I think about telling Crystal, when she goes to UCLA,

she should get a degree in marketing

or technology or something.

The fuck do you know about it?

It's called social networking.

My ball's got social networking.

Fuck you.

I bet your phone don't even have apps on it.

Check this shit out.

That's the Galaxy S9, bitch.

I got everything on this little fucking gadget.

I got the fucking Google.

I got Facebook.

I got the weather.

That's not an S9, that's an S6.

The fuck you talking about, its an S9,

I just fucking bought it.

Yeah, an S9 has a bigger screen.

You're like a fucking Asian teenager, you know that?

How many Instagram followers you got?

How much can you fucking bench press?

Frank bench presses more than you.

"Frank bench presses more than you."

Does Frank fucking bench press more than you?

I'm just wondering if Frank benches

more fucking weight than you.

I'm just wondering.

I hope you saved your receipt.

Hey Frank, let's fucking eat.

You know what I mean?

Oh, fuck, fuck, fuck.

You guys want to hear some crazy fucking shit?

You guys remember it was like a couple of summers,

it was at Crystal's birthday party.

Remember at the landmark.

Remember how I brought that chick?

She's like 26 years old from fucking Pelham.

Pakistani girl.

That fucking Pakistani.

Afnahn was her name.

That's the fucking one.

We had a great discussion on Reza Aslan.

Hey wait, the fucking point is,

we kind of lost touch, right?

Couple of weeks ago, I'm going out

with a couple of buddies from work.

We're getting fucking hammered and unlike

you pussies, these motherfuckers, they go.

I mean, they fucking go, right?

Old friends and new friends.

Big love to family.

Let me get a drink, Let me get a drink.

Hey, hey, big fucking love, right?

To family.

And who do I see across the bar?

It's fucking Afnahn, she's there, she's making eyes at me.

So I'm like, hey, it's time to fucking get to work, right?

I walk over, I'm like, hello?

Hello, this is unbelievable.

How are you?

And this fucking chick, she pretends

that she doesn't remember me.

Do I know you?

Yeah.

She gives me like this fake name.

I'm Judy.

So I'm like, fuck it, I give her a fake name.

Fuck it I'm Eddie, right?

Hello?

Hello Judy.

- Hi Eddie. - Hi.

Nice to meet you.

Wow, it is nice to meet you.

And then I realize what this tricky girl is up to,

she's playing like one of these fucking sex games, right?

I have to be honest with you,

it's fucking turning me on, right?

So I make up this whole fake backstory, right?

I'm like from fucking Connecticut.

I'm from fucking Connecticut.

I like rowing.

She's eating it up.

We hang out, we're getting hammered.

We go back to our place and oh my God, oh my God.

The fucking performance,

there's something about being a character.

I'm the fucking heavyweight champ, right?

She passes out, I fucking pass out, great night, right?

I wake up the next morning and I'm a mess.

I'm hung over as shit.

And I take a look at her in the morning light.

I can get you a car, show you where the bus stop is.

I can give you a ride, whatever works for you.

Is that my shirt?

And I look.

It finally fucking dawns on me.

It's a different girl.

Hey, how did you know that?

Afnahn, she got engaged.

Me and her, we follow each other on Insta.

That is some vintage fucking Terrance Swaino shit

right there.

Ah, here we go, here we go.

You got to fucking judge me, Frank.

When's the last time you went on a fucking date, huh?

Matter of fact-

Oh shit, I-

- What do you mean, hold on.

Tell us the story, who is it?

It's Crystal.

Tell her we said aye.

Let me talk to her.

This could take two seconds, keep an eye on the meat.

Keep an eye on the meat.

I've got to keep an eye on the meat.

Hey Frank, my eye's on the meat.

It's just not worth the amount we're talking about.

Okay, hey look, I totally get it man.

Let's just double it.

Double it, are you serious, okay?

♪ I'm hanging with my man, Packie, who looks like an owl ♪

♪ You know my man Packie got a dick like a yard ♪

I'll hit you up when I'm on the road.

All right man, thanks.

Let me ask you something, man.

All this fucking Instagram shit, you know.

I don't know, maybe you can like,

show me how that shit works.

Everybody's getting laid that way these days.

Are you?

Who, me?

Let me see your phone.

Hey, give me your phone.

You just, you take a pic.

Hang on, hang on, hang on.

And then you just, you open your Instagram app.

Where's your app, you don't have any apps.

Fucking stop with the apps.

There it is, good.

Then you pick a cool filter.

Sepia makes it look artsy, right?

Fuck, I didn't know you could do that.

And then you go here and you press this.

You go there and you press that.

Is there a filter you can use to get the tiny homo

out of the picture?

I can tell you think it's cool, Swaino.

Then I tag the location.

So everybody knows we're at Frank's shop together, right?

Who the fuck is this?

Karen Delgado's calling you.

Why the fuck is Karen calling you?

Hey, give me my fucking phone back.

Is Karen back in town?

Yeah, she's back in town, just give me the phone.

Are you banging Karen?

Why would you fucking,

what's the matter with you?

Why would she fucking call you?

Just fucking stop.

We had coffee.

- How's the meat? - It's good.

- It's good. - Yeah.

- Two more minutes. - Good.

35 years old.

Divorcee from Derry, she's got this four year old son.

So we go on this date and still is fucking depressing.

She had wicked big tits.

Go on, sir.

So, we end up back at her place.

- Thanks for the dinner. - It's like

maybe our third date.

There you are, thanks very much.

You want to come inside?

- Yeah. - Yeah.

I go inside, she pays the babysitter.

How'd he do?

You know, punched me in the face a couple of times.

You want me to walk you home?

It's just next door.

The sitter goes home and then we go into her bedroom.

You haven't drunk a lot, huh?

- Sorry. - It's okay.

She tells me she has not been with a guy

since her kid was born.

So she's all over me

She takes my hand and she pushes it into her pants.

She, I shit you not, has got a huge, unkempt,

like 1970s Playboy bush.

My watch gets stuck there.

Oh, stop kidding.

- Relax, let's be careful. - Oh.

Oh my god, it's your watch.

So I pulled my hand out.

She goes, "I'm really embarrassed, Frank."

I was gonna trim.

No, it's okay, it's fine.

Yeah?

Yeah, yeah.

We just start laughing, fucking laughing our asses off.

Kind of fun.

We're just laughing.

But it was so loud that we wake up the kid.

Momma, come get me, I'm scared.

So she gets off the bed and she says-

- I'll be back, I just have to put him to sleep.

Totally, go.

Being a single parent, it ain't easy.

So, she says, hey-

- Still want to fuck?

Yeah, I'd love to.

Of course I still want to fuck.

Oh, good, I'm looking forward to it.

So then she leaves and I'm lying there, in her bed,

for like half an hour.

My hard on is a distant fucking memory at this point.

So I get up and I go down the hallway

and I see she's lying there on this like race car bed,

asleep with her son.

So I watched for a couple of minutes.

It was kind of a sweet image, you know.

A mom like that with a kid like that

is the way everything should be.

So,

I let myself out, I go home

and I watched TV.

Never heard from her again.

You ever consider killing yourself.

That's a beautiful story, Frank.

Tragic, but beautiful.

The fuck is so beautiful about it?

Frank doesn't think he can be of value in a relationship

unless they're broken and he could fix them.

Like Karen, she's in pieces, right?

She's humpty dumpty always need something to be fixing.

This woman, she had her life together,

Frank didn't know what to do with her

so he just let himself out.

Are you done, can we eat?

Eat your food.

Frank, Karen's back in town.

How did you know that?

So you knew?

She's the mother of my child, you don't think I'd know

she's in Manch-Vegas?

Yeah.

You seen her?

Why does it matter?

Fucking cycle begins.

Enough.

Well, I'm sorry, are supposed to be happy

that Karen is back in town?

Gee, I can't wait to deal with your anger issues again.

You don't got to deal with shit anymore

because you got your new fucking work friends, right?

God, for fuck's sake, don't do that.

Look all I'm saying is Karen's fucking toxic.

It's what she does.

Swoops in, she plays the wife, she plays the mother,

she pulls you in and she tears you the fuck apart.

And you go on a bender, start throwing strangers

she flirts with through plate-glass fucking windows

and I get to stay up with Crystal all night.

Tell her her father ain't going back to jail.

This is shit you know, even Crystal knows it.

All right?

There are two things in your life

that consistently fuck you up, it's Karen,

and it's your fucking temper.

I mean, think about it, you live your life,

you've got a daughter who spends half the fucking time

being terrified of you.

That's just a fact.

At least I accepted responsibility for raising my kid

instead of sticking my diseased cock

in a bunch of half dumb fucking girls.

What do you want to do, Frank, you want to hit me?

You want to hit me just because I told you the truth?

Fuck it, I love you.

And I hate what she does to you. I hate fucking watching it.

So yeah, I fucking hate her.

All right, I hate what she fucking does to you.

So if I fucking said something that makes you want

to fucking bash by skull in then just do it, Frank.

I'm just fucking being honest with you.

So go ahead.

I'm right fucking here.

At least I know I said my piece, I'm here.

Hey Frank, it could be Crystal again.

Maybe you want to get that.

I can get it.

No, no, no, I'll get it.

Hey, what's up, it's Frank.

Yeah, you just, you just keep going on 93 North for awhile

and then you you'll take the Mammoth Road exit,

just gonna go like four miles, you know, it'll bring you

around and you know, you'll see my shop kind of tucked away

there on the left and see, it's the only place

that has light on.

All right, man.

I'll see you soon.

Hey,

I'm sorry.

For what?

For calling your cock diseased.

I'm sorry.

By the way I mean just, with that, you know,

I did take a needle for that situation.

So I just kind of feel like if you are going

to make fun of my cock, like refer to it as like

as a formerly diseased cock,

I'm just saying you should do that.

Deal.

All right.

All right, Frank.

Let me clean this shit up.

Who's coming over, Frank?

Oh, this kid.

What kid?

He's from Northeastern, played pickup basketball

with him a few times.

He's coming by.

Why the fuck would you have him come over here, for what?

I'm buying Molly off of him.

Nice flip phone.

That's my work phone.

See you later.

- All right. - All right.

Since when you do Molly?

I don't.

I figured I'd try it tonight with you guys.

And then what?

We have a fucking dance with each other

in your lawnmower shop.

We ain't seen each other in a long time.

I wanted tonight to be special.

Come on, what's the big deal?

Come on Swaino, don't be a pussy.

I'm fine, fuck it, why the fuck not?

Why the fuck not?

If we're gonna party, I'm gonna fucking spark up.

Anybody else?

Is there still an Old Lady in that closet?

Hey, you know what, give me fucking hit off the Old Lady.

Hey, all right.

I like this new, out-of-control Frank,

it's been a long time since you let your hair down.

Let your hair down?

Yeah, it means like relax.

We know what it means, but who without a vagina

actually says that?

I think you forgot.

I think Frank forgot how to do it.

Tell you what, that's fucking precision crafting

right there.

Oh, fuck.

My fucking secret to youth, beyond all else,

I only fucking fuck pussy 26 years old or younger.

A woman doesn't know how to make love

until she's 30 years old.

I can prefer a girl who doesn't know how to fuck.

I like that.

So she won't be disappointed.

That's fine, look,

women have fucking sexual issues, right?

And what they do is they bring that with them

into the fucking bedroom.

They have bad fucking experiences, right?

So I want to be there in the beginning.

You want to be there badly.

What the fuck is that, Jesus fucking Christ.

Three months ago at my cousin's bachelor party,

this stripper, she put a pinky finger right in my ass.

Are you laughing at me or with me?

What?

I thought we was all sharing.

Just trust us, fucking trust us.

It's fine, we'll clear the fire.

- You know how to land. - No, listen to me.

Just bend your knees, here we go.

Let's give it a good one.

One, two, come on, come on

and three.

So our Molly's here.

Listen, listen.

I don't want him to know that I have a daughter.

Afraid your drug dealer won't think you're cool?

Just do me this favor, okay?

We let our hair down too?

So we like laugh at everything you say?

I'll leave that up to you.

What's up, man?

Good to you see, man.

Really appreciate you coming on all this way.

Yeah, no, it's cool.

I really do, it means a lot.

Hey, come on over here.

Meet my boys.

This is Packie and this is Swaino.

- Hey. - Guys, this is Chad Walker.

You should see this kid play basketball, man.

So should we deal with the-

- Diamonds? - Yeah. Wow.

Just like out in the open like that, huh.

What do you mean?

It's Frank's first big drug deal, I think he thought

there would be like code words or some shit, you know?

I'll get your money.

Hold on to them.

How much you want to bet Franky's got the money

like in a Manila envelope.

Like a rubber band wrapped around it.

You guys live here?

We've got a bunk bed.

How much you bench press, Chad?

I don't use free weights, it slows you down.

I'm training with plyometrics right now.

How tall are you?

Six, three, six, four.

One or the other.

- Somewhere in between. - Got it.

You got a nice eyes.

Polo, huh?

Yeah, like Ralph Lauren.

Ralph Lauren, oh yeah, I got it.

I like how the scarf kind of hides that, huh?

I mean, you don't wanna fuckin'

just throw it out there for people, right?

What kind of car do you drive?

G wagon.

How much is it?

I don't know, my dad got it for me as a gift.

Can I drive it?

No.

Oh, hey, you guys gonna give me a hit of that thing?

Oh, you don't have to ask us twice.

All right.

So is that like your first time you ever took PCP?

Hey Chad, why don't you come on inside,

have a real man's drink.

That'll show you.

All right, Chad, this is some good shit,

you are in for a treat.

Oh God, that is good.

It tastes like shit.

You, my friend, are what a doctor would refer to

as uncle Gary.

That's for you.

Manila envelope.

So why is it so important for old dudes to like scotch?

In 10 years I'm gonna ask you the same question,

you know what you're gonna say?

What?

You know, I started out thinking I could come up

with something wicked funny, but it just never liked gelled.

Hey, Frank this is only half.

Oh shit, that's right, I'm sorry.

Let me get the rest of your money.

Hey, what kind of filter you got on there?

Nashville.

I like Perpetua.

Let me ask you.

Did you tag Frank's shop?

Yeah, I tagged him.

We did too.

When you guys were my age it was like

no internet.

No, it was fucking crazy.

We did this thing, was called going outside.

How about you Mr. fucking big time drug dealer, huh?

You you carry the cabbage?

Yeah, yeah, I got you.

What the fuck is that?

It's a fucking mason jar.

Yeah, it's called white champagne.

Genius, let's see what you're fucking packing, huh?

You know what, speaking of scotch, you guys remember

the night at the game six.

This fucking story again.

The Buckner game?

That's right, 1986.

Sox gave New England something they hadn't had

in a long time, hope.

What is this, a fucking Ken Burns documentary?

I got it on YouTube.

Sox lead the series going in.

Me, Frank and Swaino,

we're at Frankie's basement, watching on this shitty

little black and white with aluminum foil

on the antenna.

Nearly home here.

Let's see what Clemens comes back with.

It was our own little club house.

Nobody ever caught us down there.

Ow.

Fucking old men, they're upstairs watching the same game

on a fucking color TV.

Our fathers spent their lives watching the Sox lose.

They used to get wicked fucking hammered down east.

We knew we need to leave them alone.

It was unbelievable because this is the night

the curse of the fucking bambino

was about to be fucking broken.

Then something historic happens.

Hey fuckheads, histories happening,

get your asses upstairs.

Let's go.

They never asked us up there before, we're all like,

Come on, sit right here, right next to your old man.

And we're all sitting there, fucking just like this.

Right, we never felt love from our fucking fathers before

in our whole fucking lives, right?

Hey, keep your eyes on this game,

this is fricking history here, okay?

This was it.

The Sox were going to win the World Series

and we were all gonna be in the room together.

Mookie Wilson gets a slow roller

right up the first baseline.

This is it.

Bill Buckner squares up, drops his glove

and the fucking ball rolls right between his goddamn legs.

One of the worst errors in baseball history.

The Mets score.

- Fuck. - Jesus.

But it doesn't end there for us.

we find ourselves in a den of fucking lions.

The problem is we had to walk through the kitchen

to get through the back door and Frank's old man

was standing right there.

Now, let me tell you something.

We ain't never seen a grown man cry before.

It was terrifying.

Frank's pop-

- What the fuck are you doing here?

Grabs him, slams him up against the fridge.

This ain't like your generation of millennials.

This is when you got fucking slapped.

I told you to stay downstairs.

What did I say?

So what did Swaino do?

Stop!

Grabs Frank's pops arm, tries to get him to stop.

Now, this type of kid-on-adult attack was unprecedented

in our world and highly ineffective since Swaino

was like all of a bony 10-year-old.

Swaino's old man, he runs in, throws Swaino off.

So I'm standing there watching my two best friends

get demolished by their fathers and there's my old man.

I looked at him, he looked at me, then he shrugged,

reaches out, guess he figured he should get

on the kid beating business too.

So I did the only thing I could do.

Fled, Like a streak of midget lightning,

he bolts like a bitch out the front door.

But not before I grabbed a bottle of scotch.

Except the screen door was fucking locked.

Well finally, Packie just burst through

the motherfucker, right?

He got the fucking screen wrapped around his fucking head,

and everybody's just stops to look at him

across the fucking lawn.

And me and Swaino, we use that moment as a diversion

to get the fuck out of the house.

And then we all met in the fucking woods

by that big rock where we'd go.

Just a big fucking rock in the woods.

That's all it fucking took back then.

We passed around that fucking bottle.

It was the first time any of us ever had scotch.

And you want to know something, Chad?

It tasted like shit.

You motherfucker you.

So fucking beautiful.

It was so fucking beautiful.

Fucking genius.

Hey guys look, I'm going to take this real quick.

Hey Chad, you can hang out for a bit, right?

No, I can hang for a few.

Hey boys, entertain our guest please.

Hey Chad, what does your father do?

He's partners at Landon and Wilkins.

What the fuck is that?

It's like the biggest fucking law firm in Boston.

So what's that like, having a father

you're not ashamed of?

Good, I guess.

Fucking call me Karen.

Fuck.

That's why you've been stuck for three years in a row.

You don't got to be like a shot at point guard,

you know what I mean?

I'll tell you what I want to know about, Chad.

How about that Northeastern pussy?

Being on the crew team plus in the fraternity

definitely has its benefits.

You got nice eyes too, don't discount that.

That's what I thought.

Well, you know, you don't need any of that shit these days

to get laid.

Getting pussy man, it's all through social media.

I've been trying to tell him that.

How's that fucking work, what do you do?

You send fucking pictures of your cock and shit?

That's not a good idea.

Whatever you put out there,

that shit's gonna haunt you, dude.

How so?

I saw like a couple of days ago, my dad had to fire

a junior attorney because of a pic.

I mean, the guy was at a gay resort in Los Cabos,

wearing a Speedo, fucking tongue kissing some Mexican dude.

Wait, a lawyer can't be gay?

What, you know my aunt Connie is a lesbian.

She rides a trike, grows her own weed.

Oh yeah, no dude, that's that's nice and all.

We can be all politically correct.

But the dudes running this country, like my dad

and his clients, man, their mindset is back in 1955.

My dad has a bunch of billionaire clients

who don't want to pay some fucking faggot in a Speedo

$2200 an hour for legal advice.

What kind of lawyer makes $2200 an hour?

The good ones.

Hello?

Finally, you dumb fuck.

Fucking where the fuck are you,

I'm about to call the police.

Just calm down.

Sorry, I've been busy.

- Are you fucking serious? - Calm down, where are you?

I'm in the house.

In my house, how the fuck did you get in?

I jimmied the fucking door,

how'd you expect me to get in?

Where the fuck is Crystal?

Crystal doesn't wanna talk to you right now.

All right?

She's moving to fuckin' California.

What'd you say to her?

Stop, please.

I'm working really hard here, Frank.

I'm trying to change.

Don't fuck this up for me.

Fucking tell me...

Fuck.

Gotta be fucking careful, bro.

You can't put that stuff out.

Here we go.

Bob Keats, motherfucker.

What, you don't fucking believe me?

Boy, fucking take him, gotta be careful.

Oh no, no, no.

I got a fucking story for you.

So a few months ago I find this chick on Instagram.

She's really young and really cute.

And I DM and ask her to come to a fraternity party.

What the fuck is DM?

Direct message.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

So she shows up, I get her totally fucking hammered.

I'm trying to shove my dick in her mouth

but she ends up being like a total fucking cock tease.

She gives me one of those like half ass

like falling asleep hand jobs and I'm like,

wake the fuck up, you know?

Like it doesn't matter, a waste of a goddamn night.

I totally forget about it, it doesn't fucking matter, right?

But she's still into me and she's sending me pics.

Naked pictures?

No, no, no.

We'll not at first, tame at first, you know?

So I coaxed her.

I worked her and she sent them.

But that's not the weird thing, right?

Here, hold on.

She's got this condition, her nipples are like-

- Holy fuck.

Her nipples are fucking gigantic.

Look at that.

I've seen bigger.

I'm kind of worried this chick has a medical condition,

so I'm showing some of my buds.

Sure, you gotta get their opinion.

Exactly, yeah, yeah.

These big nip pics, I mean, they're like, oh my God,

they're striking a chord with the boys

and so I'm getting her to send me more.

Like send all kinds of fucking pictures to me, man.

And I'm sending them like to everyone in the house

and they're sending them to everyone.

So we call that going viral.

Thank you for the clarification, Professor Cuntface.

So Pancake shows up to another one

of our fraternity parties.

Pancake, who's Pancake?

Pancake, that's what I nicknamed her.

'Cause of the size of, you get it.

That is so fucking fucked up.

I know, I know.

Yeah, so she shows up and she's like famous now, right?

Like she's a fucking star.

We all know her, here she comes.

Yeah, yeah.

And these drunk dudes, they start chanting, "Pancake,

Pancake, Pancake."

Oh fuck.

Everyone joins in, everyone.

Like fuck, she joined in.

She didn't know what was going on.

She's like, "Pancake, Pancake, Pancake.

Pancake, Pancake."

It was fucking terrible.

But she finds out why and she fucking storms out

of the house, just devastated man.

Young girls, everything's the end of the fucking world.

Everything's the end of the fucking world, yeah.

She goes back to her home, takes a bottle of pills,

tries to fucking kill herself.

Jesus.

That fucking took a turn for the dark.

I mean, she okay or-

- I don't know, my dad told me not to get involved.

I can't get caught up in that shit.

I mean, I feel bad, but it's like my dad says,

you can't...

she shouldn't have sent the pics to begin with.

Hey guys, it's fucking cold out there.

Come on in.

That's my whole fucking point.

Gotta be fucking careful.

Internet's forever, bro.

I got to split.

Oh no, come on, do one shot with me.

Listen, I'm late, I'm late.

One shot, you'll be on your merry way.

A little baby shot.

All right.

One shot, one for the road.

Actually I'm done partying.

Frank almost had a heart attack.

For you.

Oh, a big one.

- Hey, hey. - Hey, hey

Hey,

what were you talking about out there?

Maybe joking about something.

What is like funny?

You was laughing.

Hey, give me my keys back.

You're not getting these until you tell me

what you guys were laughing at.

Maybe just show him the pancake pic, I don't know.

A picture?

It was a stupid story, Frank.

Frank, give the fucking kid his keys back.

I want to see his picture.

Frank, it's a stupid fucking story.

I know, just-

- Hey Frank, take it easy, man.

You take it fucking easy.

Show me the fucking picture.

What do I do here?

Hey Frank, what are you fucking doing?

Show me the fucking picture right now.

Swaino and Karen had coffee.

Oh, for Christ's sake, fucking idiot.

My Karen?

- Yeah. - And-

- What do you mean and, yeah, we fucking had coffee.

Did you fuck her?

How could you fucking ask me that?

No, fuck you for asking me that.

Fuck you, Frank.

Okay then, why did you meet?

She took a redeye, all right?

She couldn't fucking find you in your shop or in your house.

So she came to my work, she freaked out

because she's fucking Karen.

What did you tell her?

I told her that I could fucking care less

if she's fucking sober now.

And that she said that all she wanted

was to see her daughter.

It's her fucking daughter.

Oh, by the way, Frank's got a daughter.

You still think he's cool.

Fuck, I'm looking out for you and Crystal.

That's all I'm doing, that's all I'm ever fucking doing.

Crystal?

Whoa, whoa.

Jeez, you just killed Chad Walker with a wrench, Frank.

What the fuck did you do that for?

He's not dead.

Hey Frankie, I'm gonna ask you again.

What the fuck are you doing?

That story that he was telling you about?

It's Crystal.

That fucking picture that he showed us,

that was Crystal?

She'll be okay, Frank.

It's been two weeks

and she hasn't woken up yet.

We don't know the extent of the brain damage.

It's different every day.

When she came to me,

when she needed me the most...

What the fuck were you thinking?

He said they were just for him.

You're supposed to be smarter than that, Crystal.

Dad, please.

You are gonna turn out

to be just like your fucking mother.

Fuck.

I didn't know.

I don't fuckin' understand this, picture's were online.

Everybody in her high school passing them around.

Everybody making fun of her.

Even her best friends, relentless.

So she had enough.

Hey hun, I'm coming in.

Crystal,

Crystal, Crystal!

What did you do?

His fucking father.

His fucking father is connected.

He made it all go away.

And Crystal is just the poor girl from Manch-Vegas.

Nobody fucking cares.

Nobody but us.

So what are we gonna do?

I'm gonna kill him.

I'll pull the trigger.

That's on me.

But I needed you two here with me.

There's a lot of work with the disposal.

The disposal?

Yeah, I planned it all out.

I prepped the room.

That's your fucking plan?

Yes.

What about the G-wagon?

We drive it to Hyde Park, smash the window,

put some of his blood on the front seat.

Come on.

It's not the first time that a drug deal went bad

and not fucking found.

The kid's fucking he, he's 19 years old.

people ain't gonna fuckin' give up on a kid.

He's a fucking drug dealer.

Come on, he's a very casual fucking drug dealer.

The kid ain't fucking Scarface here.

I mean just you called him on your phone, right?

- It was a burner. - What the fuck is a burner?

You don't watch "The Wire?"

You took the fucking Molly, didn't you?

Frank, Frankie, I think that we need to think here.

I think that we're just, we're going too fucking fast.

He ruined Crystal's life over a fucking joke.

Okay, our Crystal.

That's all that we should be thinking about right now.

When you're right, you're right.

I'm in, Frank.

I'm in.

Yeah, all right, I'm in.

Fuck, this is fucking crazy, Frank.

This is fucking crazy, could you guys just fucking stop

for one fucking second?

Frankie, how are we gonna fuckin' get out of this?

You didn't fucking think about it.

Wait, where are you, Pack?

Fuck!

You're fucking out of your mind.

Swaino, if you want to go, now's the time to go.

You know, like you said, it's fucking easy, Frankie.

I never fucking said it was easy.

What am I supposed to do, I'm an accomplice, I'm here.

What am I supposed to do?

Guys, Chad Walker is awake.

You wannna say something?

Please, please don't do this.

Your ass is definitely not talking out of this shit, Chad.

Swaino, help me please.

No, I'm not a part of this, okay, I'm not a part of it.

Wait, just let me say something please.

What?

I'm sorry, I'm sorry I made a mistake, I'm just a kid.

My parents, and the internet, the fucking internet.

I know I hurt her.

I didn't mean it.

I've been working in the shop almost every day

for over 10 fucking years,

trying to give my daughter a future.

But then you came along and you treat her like a,

you treated her like a piece of garbage.

I didn't know she was in high school.

Was it funny passing around that picture

of my little baby girl, huh?

Bet you all got a big fucking laugh, right?

I'm sorry, I'm sorry.

I'm gonna fucking kill you.

I'm sorry.

No, no.

No, no, no, please no.

No, please, please, no.

No, please, please.

No, no.

No, please, no, come on.

Let me say goodbye to my mom and dad.

Please, let me say goodbye to them.

No, no, no, no, no, no, no.

No, no!

Wait, Instagram!

Instagram, wait, wait, wait, wait.

What the fuck?

He posted on Instagram, we all did, Frankie.

He posted on the internet.

Going out in the fucking world.

We all did.

Oh, this is unbelievable.

All the cops gotta do, just look

at his fucking Instagram and knows that he's here.

Swaino's right.

And we are all fucked.

I have 2,854 followers.

Hey, you shut the fuck up.

You're so fucked.

Oh my God, I'll tell you what you're gonna do.

- You're gonna untie me- - Shut up.

And we're gonna call the cops.

Shut up!

Attempted murder.

Shut up!

Oh my father's gonna sue the shit out of you.

You guys are gonna get your fucking ass raped in jail.

Get ready, boys.

Start stretching those fucking assholes.

Shut the fuck up!

You should've taught your whore fucking daughter not to-

- Frankie, no, Frankie, no.

No, don't no.

No, Frankie.

Fuck.

Frankie, listen to me carefully.

Hey, fucking help.

Yeah, I'll go, I'll go.

I can see you over there, Swaino,

you fuckin' chimpanzee,

open the fucking door.

Karen, you better get the fuck outta here.

What the fuck is going on, Frank?

I swear I'll throw my fist through the fucking window.

- Karen just go- - All right, I'm kicking.

All right, all right, get in.

What the fuck is going on?

Jeez, why the blood all of you, what is this,

a fight club or something,

you guys finally fucking each other?

What the fuck are you doing here?

I went on Instagram, I saw this jackass checked in here.

If you think you can keep my daughter away from me,

I swear to God I'll get a lawyer, I'll get a fucking lawyer.

Calm the fuck down.

Okay, you told him that we talked this morning, right?

And you asked if we fucked, right?

Do you think I would do that?

Do you think I'm that kind of a fucking person.

Would you please just stop fucking talking?

Shut the fuck up, Swaino.

Okay.

- Karen. - Where the fuck is my kid?

Where the fuck is my fucking kid?

Something happened to Crystal.

What?

What, what the fuck happened?

I need you to calm-

- Tell me what fucking happened, Frank.

Sit the fuck down, please.

I need you to get in your car

and get the fuck out of here.

Just go away,

right now.

Where the fuck is he?

So what are we gonna do?

I'm gonna cop a plea and turn myself in.

Tell them you guys have nothing to do with this.

What?

Hey listen, give me a half hour head start

before you let him go.

Okay?

I got to say goodbye to her, before I turn myself in.

You can count on us, Frankie.

I'm sorry.

All right.

You got to take care of her now, Karen.

Wait what?

Hang on Frank.

She's her mother.

She's her mother.

It doesn't matter.

What's she gonna do?

She's gonna run off.

You gotta trust me.

You got to fucking trust me.

Fuck her and the fucking horse she walked in on.

It's not about growing the fuck up.

I've been there for Christ sake.

All right, just stop it, just stop it,

God damn it, enough.

You're just gonna give up?

The fuck we supposed to do, Karen?

I don't know, I don't know.

But on top of everything else that piece of shit did to her

he's gonna take her father away from her too.

Crystal needs her father.

She needs you.

Karen, if they stay, you're all going to jail.

You're saying we can't outsmart

some soft fucking pretty boy?

You don't understand who his father is.

Fuck his fucking father.

Fuck his entire fucking family.

He ain't gonna win this time, not today.

Guys, we've gotta be smart.

We're gonna use our fucking heads.

We just gotta think.

Now we just got to work together.

Packie, you're smart.

You're the smartest guy I know.

He ruined her life with a picture.

So what?

Hey guys,

I think I got an idea.

Packie,

you want to keep Frankie out of jail?

Yeah.

I don't know about this.

Hey, hey, Pack, you can fucking do this.

Why me?

Because yours is by far the most photogenic.

- Packie. - You got it

You can do it, Packie.

You can do it.

That a boy.

- You got it. - That a boy, Packie.

I don't know guys, it seems a little homophobic.

It's a lot fucking homophobic

but that's kind of the fucking point, all right?

Am I right?

You got it, Pack.

Karen, can you turn around please?

Okay Pack, take it off.

Not your shirt, the pillowcase.

That's it.

What the fuck is this?

- Holy shit, Packie. - Open your mouth.

No way, no fucking way.

Open your mouth.

No fucking way.

Open your fucking mouth.

Ata boy.

What's the passcode?

One, two, three, four, five, six.

I think I'm on the wrong screen.

Get the fucking picture.

Okay, okay, okay, I got it, I got it, I got it.

Right there.

Show him.

Can you tell it's me?

Only if someone's seen your cock, Pack,

I think you're safe.

Yeah, and what the fuck are you going to do with that?

Okay Chad, now the way we see it, there's two options

in how we move forward.

Option one, you go, you run like the little bitch you are,

you run to your father, run to the cops.

You're all fucked.

Excuse me, young man.

Excuse me, you interrupted me.

Now you can go to the cops, but I'm gonna tell you

right now, my friend right there, he's a social networking

fucking genius.

And he will post this picture it'll go everywhere.

I mean everywhere.

It'll do that thing.

What's that thing called, Pack?

Going viral.

It'll go fucking viral.

It'll go fucking viral.

No, I'll tell the truth.

And when that comes out, they'll believe me.

It won't make a fucking difference, Chad, and you know it.

The truth will make them share it even more probably.

Probably.

So Chad, no one's gonna pay you that $2,200 an hour.

Shit, you'll be unhirable, Chad.

Your father, those bullshit billionaire clients of his

they're gonna laugh at you.

Every single time you walk out of a room

they're gonna laugh.

Maybe your friends will come up with a nickname

for you this time.

Yeah, like Captain Dicksucker.

Yeah, hopefully a little more creative than that

but yes, something along those lines.

Option two.

You want to hear option two?

You walk out of here and you never ever mention this night

to anyone anywhere, and it'll be like this whole night

including this very provocative photo

never fucking happened.

What's it gonna be, Chad?

Option two.

Goddamn right.

Cut him free.

Get the fuck out of my shop.

Your family's here.

Provided by explosiveskull https://twitter.com/kaboomskull