Original subtitles

Desolation and deprivation as far as the eye can see.

Who needs downers when you live in Govan, ay?

She's beautiful man.

The weed's addled your brain.

To you?

Nah, just makes me depressed.

You're Scottish, you're supposed to be depressed.

I didn't know that.

You find that too happy then, Ritchie?

Maybe I should try the skunk,

but you know, pot's bad for my asthma.

Thanks, Ritchie.

Get yourselves to school or you'll end up like Fraser.

- There's no service. - What do you expect up here?

Danny boy, you ready?

Ay, ready as I'll ever be.

Are you wee bastards expecting

Danny here to clock out early?

I do have standards you know.

We're going to visit Ritchie's Aunt Nettie.

Family's important, I should know, I don't have one.

Here I am a successful businessman,

and sometimes I think I'd swap it all

for the gentle caress of a loving woman.

Ah, don't do yourself down, Bill.

Man's legacy's more important than transient pleasure.

Transient pleasure's proved elusive to me.

Cannae understand why.

Come on.

Come on boys, it's not that heavy.

Help.

Oh, careful with it.

Get it, get it, get it, get it.

Found one, jackpot.

Oh.

Oh.

Ow!

That was dangerous.

They were warning shots,

they aimed at the ground in front of us.

Gangsters with machine guns don't take aim,

they just point and let rip.

Gangsters?

It's the usual, it's pearl thieves, poachers.

What this fine law enforcement officer says

is true, Beth.

Uzis mean a whole new kind of pearl pirate.

Machine gun-wielding, inner city criminals

with no mores and no morals.

River rapists.

You told me yourself, Beth.

Scottish pearls are worth more than diamonds.

I need you to be careful, no foolish risks.

Are you sure you can't identify them?

Three guys in a white transit, that's all I can tell you.

It's good to have you on the case.

I'll see you soon.

So you don't believe PC Dougie's gangster theory, then?

Poor man, I'll just invite him back in

for a wee shot of malt.

Fiona, it's not even 10 a.m.

Fine, I'm a people person,

you're a mollusk person, that's fine.

I'm a people person.

People like me.

I'm not saying you're a stuck up cow

with misanthropic tendencies,

but you're not what I'd call, cuddly,

you're a bit scratchy.

Bad day.

Be on the lookout

for three Caucasian males, 20s,

driving a white transit van.

Last seen Aberfeldy, armed and dangerous.

Hiya, just here to see Nettie Willis.

This your van?

Ay.

You know that white van you're after?

You're good boys

to bother with an old woman.

Aye, it's nae bother.

It's a nice run out here.

To the middle of nowhere?

It's an absolute liberty,

building these places miles from civilization.

I wanted to make your journey worthwhile.

What you doing, getting me nicked on the way out?

A gift from me and the girls,

we cook 'em up in the kitchen.

It's all the caffeine and all the Viagra

you've had in your life,

rolled into one little pill.

Nice one.

There's a wee favor you boys can do for me in return.

Maybe you can check on my country cottage,

'cause my tenant involuntarily absented.

It's all very easy, just check for deliveries,

and water the plants.

I don't even like caffeine,

and Viagra, that's for old men.

That's an insult is what that is.

We'll sell 'em down the pub.

Oh, look at that, swat cops.

Wonder who they're after.

Armed police, put your hands above your head.

- Stand still! - Ooh!

Suspects secure, move in.

It's them, it's them,

it's definitely them.

I'm telling you it's not them.

Oh yeah, you said you weren't certain

you'll be able to identify them again.

How can you be so sure?

Because the men that shot at us were big, muscular,

and had an air of genuine threat about them.

I mean, these boys don't have the nous to be pearl thieves,

look at them.

He's alright.

Put them back wherever they belong.

We need to get back to clearing up the mess.

Whew.

- Why will no one hold me Danny? - Get off me.

It's kiss and cuddles times, snuggle me man.

Get off me you dafty.

- I love you. - Keep your hands to yourself.

Horny, horny.

Music, music, alright.

Danny, watch this lunatic will you?

Oh.

Hello again.

What are you doing here?

I don't know, just heading back to where we belong.

As long as you're not returning to the scene of the crime.

I'm doing the kill count, trying to find survivors.

Sorry.

It's okay, he'd already been gutted.

For what, 400, 500 pounds at best.

What about that one?

He's alive.

Um.

- Ah. - No way.

What are you doing?

I'm putting him back where he belongs.

Huh?

As long as he can handle the shock,

he should be fine.

You saved him.

You know, just doing my bit.

Hasselhoff.

Has he been down there that whole time?

He's very good at holding his breath.

I know you, right?

From the line-up, right?

Classic case of mistaken identity, no harm no foul.

I'm Beth and this is Ethan.

Hi.

Ritchie.

So, how many did they get?

About a hundred.

That's a lot of pearls.

Well, there's not a pearl in every shell.

Still, must be worth their while, ay?

If the destruction of an endangered species

in exchange for meager compensation

can be considered worthwhile, then yes.

It's nice seeing you.

Brace looks great Albert,

but three whiplash claims in a month

is borderline suspicious.

Good man.

- Here you go Danny. - Cheers.

So those beautiful river people were conservationists.

That means they like to talk a lot, right?

She was well fit, and that bikini.

Posh bird, she wouldn't give us the time of day.

What're you lookin' at?

Nothing Gavin, I wasn't looking.

Well, don't.

Otherwise Murray here will rip your head off

and throw it in your face.

Come on out of there.

Poor bastards.

That's us in a few years' time.

No chance.

We're smart enough to know what happens

if we sat at Gavin's favorite table.

Not smart, scared.

And there it is, another night gone.

Do you know Scotland's got a squirrel tsar?

What's a tsar?

Oh.

A powerful ruler, a protector, like a king.

There's a king squirrel?

No, you dafty.

It's a human being,

it's like a guy appointed to protect red squirrels.

Says here they're nearly extinct,

not as close as Scottish mussels.

And you care 'cause?

'Cause we,

me hearties, we are going to become pearl pirates.

- Pirates? - Pirates, that's right.

And we need to move fast before there's none left.

What, you'd be nabbed as soon

as you set foot on the river bank.

Pearl fishing is totally illegal.

Just because something's illegal

doesn't mean you don't do it.

I know that is true,

and I think the more illegal the better in some ways.

Why would your Aunt Nettie have a place like this?

She hates being away from civilization.

Restricted choices of

the economically challenged, brother.

What?

Poverty.

Now that we're here, and we are near the river.

Ritchie, let's just do what we came here to do.

If I end up doing time,

it's going to be for something worthwhile,

not poaching a few fish.

Fair enough.

Jesus.

Water the plants, she said.

Collect the mail, water the plants.

Oh shite.

Is that the cops again?

Your Aunt Nettie.

Here?

She's always getting me in trouble.

Calm down, will you?

Destroy the evidence, destroy it.

Oh.

Can I help ya?

You can start by explaining the illegal hydroponics lab

you've got in there.

Detective Inspector Whitehead,

I'm with the Perth and Kinross CID.

Well.

I'm just kidding.

Are you Ritchie?

- Ay. - Nettie told me to expect ya.

Come here.

Leon Whitehead.

Nettie provides me with the good stuff, and lots of it.

Now, it's important to me that nothing goes wrong,

so you're not going to screw it up are ya?

'Cause you look like a screw up.

No.

Oh no, no bother ya, your skunk's safe with me.

Aye.

What about those two?

They look like a pair of imbeciles.

Nah, just one of them's an imbecile.

Beautiful up here, ay?

It's a boring shite hole.

I'm up here for the fishery.

What fishery?

Loch Tay Fishery, one of my less successful investments.

Ay, I'm looking to offload it actually,

so if you've got a couple of hundred grand spare

and fancy looking after some Ukrainian nee' do wells

and owning 10s of thousands of delicious salmon,

and some ugly ass shellfish, then.

Just

get me some green,

and be quick about it.

Stinks of chemicals.

Quiet will you.

If we get caught by Leon's Ukrainians,

we'll be swimming with the shellfish.

Right,

go on,

get us that wire, go.

Go, go, go.

Oh yes, you beauty wee man.

I don't know what the Leon's on about,

thousands and thousands of salmon.

There's no fish in here.

This is not my idea of being a 'hera fisher.

I've seen pictures of the ones in Tahiti,

they wear thongs and jump off of cliffs

into a shimmering blue sea,

and that thing's moving.

Well, if you can shut up for five minutes,

I'll buy you a thong, alright?

Mussels wee man, easy money.

Who's the greatest pearl fishers in town?

Mwah.

Thank you.

Fraser.

What have you been up to?

See what we've got in here.

Scallops.

You got a bath full of scallops.

Eh?

How can you not know the difference

between a scallop and a mussel?

They all look the same.

Besides, farmed mussels don't even produce pearls.

Here you go, 60 quid, have fun.

Cheers, Bill.

I hate asking people for money.

Every day, having to justify the existence of the center.

I quite like asking people for money.

When I ask people for money,

it usually means they're guilty of something.

Ignoring your predilection for blackmail,

are you sure there's been no new interest?

We had word back from all your meetings last week,

and no one is willing to cough up the moolah for the moules.

Oh no.

Maybe you're not doing it right.

You're a good looking girl, you should socialize more.

Give the old geezers on the council something to look forward to.

Wear a skirt.

Stop.

If you run that argument to its logical conclusion,

I don't like what you're suggesting.

What am I suggesting?

Prostitution.

Maybe don't run the argument to conclusion,

just run it half the way.

Not all the way, just half the way.

Champagne's for special people.

Calm down Fraser, it's just cheap bubbly.

You don't like the champagne?

Hush, I want a bit more.

Skunk?

You boys are splashing the cash tonight.

We're celebrating.

What you celebrating?

Mediocrity.

To mediocrity.

Or as I like to call it, natural selection.

Mmm.

Mmm.

Mmm.

Oh.

Not good, not good.

Not good.

That's gross.

Natural selection, sounds like that bird from the river.

Ladies,

nightcap?

- Yeah. - No thanks.

Beth, there's a wee dram of whisky with your name on it.

And why you may ask is Scottish whisky

the finest in the world?

Because, instead of toxic earth-destroying chemicals,

the Scots use freshwater mussels

to filter their whisky water.

Each mussel filters 50 liters of water a day

for that amber nectar.

And who's saving the mussels?

Oh, I think it's you.

You've earned your whisky, you deserve a good time.

Thanks Ethan, but this is me having a good time.

Okay.

I'm doing my part for the cause too.

You can stuff me full of your amber nectar.

Could we not have somehow avoided

immediately using what little money we had?

So we're skint again?

I mean what are we going to do now?

I'm telling you boys, there's money to be made in pearls.

Ritchie Wallace.

Ritchie Wallace.

Murry, alright, ah.

Murray, Murray, what is it?

Have we done something?

Sorry, sorry.

Ah, jesus.

Where'd you get the money from, hmm?

You better not be up to anything lawless, I mean it.

'Cause Gavin will be very upset

if there's business going on he doesn't know about.

No, no business, no business.

Good.

- Oh. - Don't.

God.

Ritchie.

Ritchie.

Ritchie, I'm so sorry mate, it just happened.

Right, pick me up.

I should have stepped in mate,

I was right there, I'm sorry.

It just happened quite quickly.

Fraser, are you alright?

My god, I think he's out, Ritchie?

Nice one.

This time, we do it right.

Glass bottom buckets to see the river bed.

Are you in, or are you out?

Fine, in.

If you're going to be professional about it.

Iron Man, you in?

I'm ready guys, I'm ready.

Will you stop acting like a big lass

and get in the deep bit.

It's freezing.

That's how it works.

You've got to duck your head under and it warms you up a bit.

Duck my head?

In this?

You're mental, it's Baltic man.

- Those are all. - Hey, get in there.

- I won't do it. - Get in, Fraser.

What do mussels look like again?

They're like wee crabs with nay legs.

Grab anything you can and I'll check it for ya.

You promise they don't bite?

I promise.

I'll check under the rocks,

in case they're hiding from me.

Ritchie, my foot's stuck.

Well, pull it out.

I'm going to drown Ritchie, help.

I can't move.

Just pull it out.

It won't come loose, help me.

Ritchie, throw me a line Ritchie, hurry.

- Give me your trousers. - What?

Will you drop the cone and just give me your trousers?

Ritchie, help.

I only know the backstroke.

I'm coming.

Ritchie, I'm getting pulled over.

I think something's got me, I can feel its teeth.

Ritchie.

Fraser, I'm coming.

Hurry.

Grab it.

Ritchie.

You're alright.

Get me out, Ritchie.

I could have been washed out to sea and been shark's meat.

Alright Fraser, you made your point.

It was a stupid idea

and you could have died a horrible death.

Scary.

They're definitely up to something,

and I want to find out what.

Savvy.

Face it Ritchie,

we don't know anything about wildlife.

Ah.

Ritchie Wallace, in a library.

Usually with former students, I'd authorize it myself.

Well, in this case, I thought maybe it might be best.

You thought right, Ms. Pringle.

What are we going to do?

Play along.

Right, Ms. Pringle, just play along.

Headmaster, how are you doing?

You're looking well.

I see the twitch has gone.

Oh,

nearly.

Ms. Pringle informs me

that you'd like to borrow some books on wildlife.

Scottish wildlife, bird and badgers.

Fish, mussels, you know, everything, really.

Alright, we'll give that a go.

But I'm warning you, Wallace,

if this is some kind of scam,

you'll be sorry.

If you want to get in with the rangers,

you've got to know the basics.

Osprey.

Well done.

Kite, red kite.

Spot on.

Duck.

Capercaillie, you idiot.

Oh, come on.

Any developments?

It seems, it almost looks like

he's, um,

studying.

- Studying? - Mmm.

Now, that I do not believe.

Not that I doubt your observations, of course, Ms. Pringle,

but I'm telling you, they're will be more to this

than meets the eye.

Wallace is a born schemer.

I always thought he was rather a lovely boy,

underneath it all.

What a wonderful gift,

to be able to see people as you do.

Well.

- Goodnight. - Goodnight.

Duck, deer, cow, squirrel, owl, owl, squirrel, cow, deer,

duck, duck.

Deer.

Cow.

Alright, which one's that?

Pheasant.

That's right, give him a chip, Fraser.

- Who's that, there? - Owl.

Very good, very good.

Um.

- That one? - Blue tit.

Also known as the peduncle.

Now, can any of you tell me what chlorophyll is for?

Yes, Ritchie.

Photosynthesis, Miss.

Very good, well done.

Three pints of Yellowhammer please.

Yellowhammer, such a pretty wee thing.

So named for its bright yellow head and underside,

and of course, the males are so much more attractive

than the females.

Oh, you'd be hard pushed to say the same thing

about you, Jimmy boy.

That, that's plain.

You're ready, I know you are.

It's like going undercover,

you can speak their language now.

It's that Beth, she's the only one I need to impress.

I have faith in you.

Careful, will ya.

Fraser, any advice?

Um.

Hmm.

No.

Good call.

Good luck.

It's estimated that one species becomes extinct

every single day,

and over the next few decades,

that figure is expected to rise to one per hour.

And it's not just wildlife at risk,

our own center is under threat of closure

from lack of funds.

We desperately need the help of our local community

in order to fight for our own survival.

That's my cue.

Yeah, woo, yeah, woo, yeah.

Thank you.

Any donations would be gratefully received.

Anything you've got, pal.

Thank you for coming,

and remember to join us for our Highland Fling.

Thank you.

We're having a traditional Scottish Ceilidh

to raise money for the center.

- Thank you. - Thank you.

Ritchie, hi.

I almost didn't recognize you with your clothes on.

What can I do for you?

I would like become a volunteer, if that's okay.

You know, I don't have much experience,

but I do love wildlife.

You know, I guess most people visit to see like,

the golden eagle and the ospreys,

but I have a passion for kites, buzzards,

harriers, the capercaillie.

The capercaillie, horse of the woods.

The male will go to any length

to reach the target of its affection.

Would you be willing to stand up to pearl thieves?

Pearls, aye, aye.

However I can help.

Great, you're in.

We'll take all the help we can get.

Well I had three volunteers drop out

after the machine gun incident.

So much for Braveheart.

That's a good joke.

Welcome to the family kid.

Come here.

Come on, don't be shy.

Come on.

That's it, that's right, safe now.

Whenever a river drops to a level

that exposes a mussel bed,

we designate it as a hotspot for our patrols.

What, have you got a fox?

Don't touch her!

She's set for release.

Sorry.

We don't have the manpower

to cover all the mussel beds all the time,

but we do what we can.

And this is our center of operations.

Wow.

That is a lot of mussels.

Why do you both picking them all up?

One pile of shells on a riverbank

is good as a signpost to a mussel bed.

The older mussels in the deeper pools

tend to get left alone, so we're less vigilant.

They're harder to get at, you have to dive for them.

They do produce the best pearls though.

The best ones are normally harder to get, aren't they?

Hi, can I help you boys?

Yeah, we're just looking for a wetsuit.

It's for the wee man.

Uh, this the sort of thing you're looking for?

God's sake.

You got any second hand?

Only the one, it is nice and thick but…

Whoa.

I don't really think it's what you're after.

No, no we're not fussy.

I mean, if it fits he'll wear it.

Are you in it yet?

It's too tight.

- Fits like a glove. - A pink glove.

It's macho pink.

The girl said it was unisex.

I never heard her say that.

Well, that's 'cause you were too busy

playing with her harpoons.

You look brilliant.

Go check yourself out.

You thinking of buying that, mate?

I was going to get it for my little sister.

What's your problem?

What, are you his boyfriend?

Why, jealous are you?

What did you do that for?

Why'd you, alright, okay, no, it's fine.

Listen I'm just trying to have a conversation with you.

There's absolutely no need for that.

Oh.

Jesus, oh.

Ah.

Jesus, come on.

Fraser, get up.

Feel like I'm in the Blair Witch.

Why would anyone steal eggs?

Egg collectors.

It's their life's passion.

That's so weird.

And wrong,

obviously.

Ospreys are amazing.

They're born in the highlands,

but each year, they migrate to Africa for the winter.

And they don't get shown the way,

each chick goes alone, on pure instinct.

How does instinct tell them the way to Africa?

They have a magnetic organ in their brain,

which is aligned to the magnetic polarity

of the earth itself.

They just know.

That's pretty amazing.

Instinct's an incredibly complex and powerful thing,

more so than most humans realize.

Do you follow your instincts, then?

I think my intuition about people is,

pretty accurate.

Got it.

Come on Fraser.

Fraser.

We need some help.

He was laying by the roadside.

He's not going to die, is he?

No.

It will be fine.

How do you know?

You haven't even examined him.

It will be fine,

you know, beavers are hardy wee fellows.

He's an otter, and he's in a bad way.

Thank you for bringing him in, you can leave him with us.

Take him through to the barn, I'm going to get Ethan.

Who's Ethan?

If anyone can fix a broken beaver, Ethan's your man.

He's an otter, you dummy.

Please, please take care of him.

Promise he'll be okay, promise?

Promise.

Alright pal, here we go.

Nice and easy.

It's the circle of life, man.

You're not going to shoot him, are you?

And in front of these guys, what are you sick?

I'll take him outside, make it private,

he won't feel a thing.

Ethan's a very good shot.

Oh, is there anything he's not very good at?

I feel your pain, Ritchie, I do, but it's tough love.

You got to be cruel to be kind.

His insides are all bust up,

I can feel them squidging around,

- it's the consistency. - Aye, but he's alive.

He's in pain.

If it was you, what would you prefer,

a sedative or a bullet?

We could give him a tranquilizer, run him into Glasgow.

Have Vet Coulthard take a look at him.

Okay.

Nutcase.

This is supposed to be a hotspot.

Keep looking.

We left him in good hands,

and 20% chance is better than no chance.

I love this city, must be great living here.

What part do you come from?

Govan.

The part they failed to mention

when the designated it European City of Culture.

I need to get a dress for the Highland Fling.

Aye, your traditional Scottish Ceilidh,

hosted by an English girl and a Yank.

Well, you'd better be there to represent.

Oh I'll be there, the token Scot, I know my place.

Oh, well hello, Beth.

This is Ritchie, he's a newbie.

After the ban on Scottish pearl fishing,

half a dozen local jewelers were given licenses

- to continue trading. - Of which I am one.

So, if you're in a market for a nice pearl necklace,

I'm your man.

Ah, s you can buy pearls as well as sell them?

Mmm, if I know the history.

Nothing fished since the ban.

I mean some jewelers,

like that unscrupulous little shite Ramsey,

they'll get new pearls, but it's illegal,

it's unethical, and frankly, I find it immoral.

Ramsey's a few doors down, and there's some rivalry.

He's as crooked as a question mark.

Well, we can't prove anything.

- No. - I keep trying.

So, can your newbie be trusted?

He can.

Go on, get it out.

Mmm, I will.

So, you see,

this necklace has been worked on

by my family for generations.

My own sweet daddy found and strung these pearls,

and his daddy's daddy before him.

Why's one missing?

Oh.

It's okay.

See, that was my job,

to find the missing pearl that fits.

But they brought in that stupid ban,

and now it will never be finished.

I'm sure your daddy will be proud

that you're an honest man.

It could have been the perfect piece.

The truest blend of art, of nature, of history.

How much would it be worth finished?

It's already priceless.

That is hardly the point, wee newbie.

This is my legacy.

No way!

We got one!

We did it, I cannae believe it.

We're rich, we're rich!

Shut up, you idiot, they'll hear you in Sauchiehall Street.

Come here.

I hit up local businesses, politicians,

anyone that might be able to help me fund the center.

Well, it's cool that you don't give up.

Excellent.

Cool is what I'm going for.

Not many people would bother.

Well, not many people bother volunteering either.

Why did you?

Well, I just mean with your tenacity,

and your, well your everything,

you must be pretty hard to turn down.

Why does everyone think I'd be happy

to abuse that mindset?

What, I'm supposed to let some of the big city councilors

feel good by letting them take me out to dinner?

And then what, I've really earned it?

No, I didn't mean it like that.

Yes, you did.

I'm a conservationist, I don't believe in exploitation.

I honestly didn't mean anything offensive by it.

In fact, I think it was trying to be a compliment.

Sorry.

God, I'm really not a people person.

Would you do something for me?

Yeah.

Ramsey's Jewelers is just round the corner.

There's no point in me going in,

he knows exactly who I am and what I do.

So, how do you feel about going undercover?

Crooked as a question mark?

Straight as an arrow, sorry.

Well, he probably figured you out.

You don't exactly come across like hardened criminal.

Let's go.

What's next?

Well, we've done what we can for the otter.

Time to go and check on another life you've saved.

I'm going in.

Are all English people as crazy as you?

I don't have any swimming trunks.

Go in your underwear,

that's what I'm going to do.

Come on.

Okay, I put them by this big rock, are you ready?

- Yeah. - Okay.

- One. - One.

Two, three.

What if I said to you,

gut that mussel or I'm going to shoot this Bengal tiger?

Would you gut it?

Okay.

Yeah but, what if you knew for certain, absolute certain,

that one of them contained this, this huge pearl

that was worth a fortune.

What would you do?

Well I'd, I'd wait for it to spit it out, or die.

Spit it out, they do that?

Yeah, yeah, a pearl's an irritant to a mussel,

they try to dislodge them.

You're a clever girl, aren't you?

Yes.

Ah, must be nice,

having something you care so much about.

Most things in life just inspire me towards apathy.

But you've got all this.

Beautiful landscapes, strong community,

incredible language, heritage.

But that's not enough.

Three in one day.

How'd you manage that?

Was like everyone a winner.

With you knowing the best pools,

and where the ranger patrols are,

this job's easy.

Those highland rangers and their fancy education.

Who's smart now?

Come on, Fraser!

Yes, we're in!

Ritchie, are you excited?

Are you excited, Ritchie?

Yes.

Given their history, or lack of it,

best I can do is 500 the lot.

Forget it, there's a guy I know who'll be interested.

- Give us. - 550 then.

If that's the best you can do,

this will be our first and our last deal.

I will go to six, for future goodwill.

Take it or leave it.

Oh man, 600 quid just seen the like of us.

How much of this do I get?

200 quid Fraser, we get 200 quid each.

And I get to spend it on anything I want?

Anything you want, wee man.

Go to town, the world is your mollusk.

Oh, you're back.

Yes, I won't be any trouble.

How's the diving going?

Smashing darling, taken to it a horse to water.

Are you here to trade up the suit?

To accessorize it.

Ritchie.

It will be fine.

It should be O-T-T-E-R.

Thanks Beth, but I can spell.

It's his name,

Otto.

Original.

How does he like it?

I think he's got post-traumatic stress or something.

I keep trying all these fish, but he won't take it.

Here pal.

Here.

Let me.

Here we go, that a boy, that a boy.

Ethan's very good with animals.

There's a surprise.

Remember, this is a relationship

that can have only one end.

Who's in a relationship?

Ritchie and the otter.

Oh.

Final count, like you wanted, for the Highland Fling, 12.

- 12. - I think it's a sign.

Personally, a Highland Fling sounds kind of derivative,

possibly racist.

Low numbers doesn't mean nobody wants to come,

it means nobody knows it's happening.

I mean, I had to get arrested

just to find out this place exists.

It's time to get out there, spread the message.

A kilt,

a stag,

and Mel Gibson.

Otto's sleeping so see you tomorrow.

Ritchie, do you want a nightcap?

Um, whisky?

Sounds good.

Fiona, do you want to join us?

Nope.

I do not.

Have a good time.

Sorry.

Well, that's not going to get us drunk.

I don't want to get drunk.

I want to get to know you better.

Yes, you'll need it then.

I don't know, Beth,

conversation is not really my strong point.

And you really think we have that much in common?

We're both obsessed with saving Scottish wildlife.

Right, but apart from that.

Conversation's not really my strong point either.

I mostly hate talking to people,

but not to you.

Just afraid for you to dig any deeper.

There's not much to me.

I'm just a random bloke from Govan,

not to be romanticized.

Beth, I think you're amazing,

but we lead completely different lives.

Do you remember the ospreys?

Can you tell me how it is that each bird born

is aligned to the magnetic polarity of the Earth and sun?

No, but I bet you can though.

Well yeah, obviously I can.

I mean, at some point

there had to have been a genetic mutation.

You've got to be the only woman in the world

to try and seduce a guy by talking about mutants.

What I'm trying to say is,

there are some things in life I don't want to explain.

Some things just happen.

Oooh.

Good morning.

Morning.

Thank you for finishing the leaflets, Fiona.

I am not going to tell you about what may,

or may not, have happened last night.

Good morning, Ritchie love.

Morning.

Are you okay?

Fine.

Mmmhmm, I'm fine as well actually.

Couldn't be better, had a lot of sleep last night.

I don't know what Ritchie's up to,

still not a single bit of intel.

Damn it, missed him.

What're you doing?

Catching salmon.

- You're a moron. - And you're no fun.

Just let me know when we're off on a hotspot.

Fraser Gordon, you wee bastard.

Top quality herb.

It's been well for you?

You're in no trouble, I hope.

No, no trouble at all.

Top marks, we had no complaints.

No complaints.

Okay, okay, I trust you, Gavin.

But why did you text me to meet you out here?

Hmm?

What's going on?

There's some lads from Govan,

they're up in your part of the world.

They're looking for pearls.

I know it's your business, just being neighborly like.

Pearl fishers from Govan.

How quaint.

Leave 'em be.

Might take some of the heat off my Ukrainians.

Cops have been out in force,

ever since Alexi here pulled a gun on the rangers.

Thanks anyway, Gavin,

but I'm done with pearls.

It's an unsustainable business model.

Pull back.

Ritchie.

Ritchie.

What are you doing?

What's he doing here?

Gavin wants in on the pearls, partners, he says.

He spotted Fraser down on the river.

What, how could you be so stupid?

In all fairness, he's not that hard to spot.

Partners, with Gavin, no way.

Gavin says it's either a contract with us, or on us.

He made me dive until I found one, then he took it.

It was horrible.

Everything okay, Ritchie?

These are friends of mine, Fraser and Danny.

The pearl pirates?

- What? - No, no that's not us no.

From the police station, right?

Oh right, aye.

- Yeah, yeah. - Aye, I remember that.

Any friend of Ritchie's is a friend of mine.

Have you come to help with the canvasing?

Aye, exactly.

That's exactly why they're here big man, ay.

In fact, Fraser here has offered to be the main man,

haven't you, pal?

Aye, yeah.

That's great, that's just great.

Scottish mussels, save the Scottish mussels.

Come on everybody.

Save the mussels.

We've got to save them.

What are you wearing?

Why are you dressed like a giant vagina?

Buzz off, you wee pests.

Hey Fraser, Fraser, leave it.

Come on folks don't be shellfish, all for a good cause.

Here a man with a bit of style,

come on, surely you've got a few quid.

Good man, thanks very much, sir.

Come on…

What?

Ritchie Wallace, what a good man you are son,

charitable soul.

You know where I've just been?

Ramsey's Jewelers.

Young Fraser did good work this morning,

I'm wanting more of the same, Ritchie.

You guys'll get your cut.

I admire your setup, I really do.

I didn't know you had the gumption.

Vegan cupcake?

I baked them myself.

Alright?

That's good.

You boys haven't seen round the center yet, have you?

No.

You can touch it, don't be shy.

Yeah.

Fraser.

Ritchie.

Good little boy.

It's okay.

It's okay, Otto.

When I was in Kenya,

Interpol led on a raid on a rhino poacher.

We found a tent full of horns,

some still bloodied from being hacked off.

That tent gave me the same feeling this room does.

Just all that wasted life, you know.

I know.

I know.

I gave Beth my heart, but all she wanted was the physical.

Yeah, we were very physical, for hours, days on end.

When was this, then?

On a gap year in Sumatra.

Now, both of you just happen to be

in the highlands of Scotland, ay?

I want to be nearby when she realizes.

Realizes what?

Time to breed, time to mate.

What if she realizes she wants someone other than you?

I don't worry about the other men that enter Beth's life.

She needs an alpha male.

Hmm.

I appreciate this phase though, she's a scientist,

it's in her nature to experiment.

What's that?

My Mongolian yurt, it's where I live.

You live in a tent?

Wherever I am on the planet,

I like to connect to local customs and culture.

What's so Scottish about a Mongolian yurt?

Don't you forget the Highland Fling.

I expect to see you both.

We'll be there, thanks a million.

I really appreciate the work you do.

Cheers pal, see you later.

Sorry about that.

I'm really sorry about that, Ethan.

Just go quickly.

Oh.

Seeing all those dead mussels really made me think.

There's blood on our hands.

We're serial killers of mollusks.

I mean, I know they're not sentient beings,

but Fraser's not particularly a sentient being,

I wouldn't kill him.

I wouldn't kill me either.

Look, I don't like what we're doing either, right.

What we're doing?

You're just selling the pearls and eating cupcakes.

Fraser and I are the ones out risking life and limb.

But I'm the one that has to lie to these people every day.

I can't do it anymore.

And now that Gavin's on to us thanks to you two,

I don't see what options we have.

What you think we should stop,

you're going to quit the center?

I'm going to quit messing with the pearls,

but I'm not quitting the center.

I like working there.

We just need to string Gavin along for a bit, alright.

We'll play along without handing over any more pearls.

Oh.

I'd rather fish for salmon anyway.

Look.

I've been thinking I might move out here.

Out where?

I'll crash at Nettie's cottage.

You're leaving us in Govan

with Gavin and Murray breathing down our necks?

Nice.

Well, it's just easier for me,

it'll be closer to the center, that's all.

And don't worry about Gavin, I'll figure something out.

You're leaving?

Fraser, come on.

That's our ride, I'll see you for the night shift.

Will you not have a breakfast to go?

You need to keep your strength up

with this new found passion for the great outdoors.

No ta, everything we do is fried in beef fat.

Aye, finest melted cow.

I'm trying to go vegan.

I don't want to hurt the animals anymore.

Why didn't you say so?

This is a multicultural establishment, we cater for vegans.

There you go.

Cheers, Bill.

How long do we leave him in the cage?

Long enough to remind him where he comes from.

Shame we need to let him go, he is a cute little bugger.

Yes, and he's so fond of you.

Any final words?

Be safe out there, wee man.

It's a big bad world out there.

So you just find yourself a nice girl beaver and…

- Otter. - Otter.

Settle down in a nice fancy lodge.

Holt.

Do you mind?

Just trying to have a moment here.

Choose life.

I'll never forget you.

Just,

try and remember me

as the one that didn't want to shoot you in the head.

Don't eat the mussels.

Why has your man not called?

It depends what's going on at the center.

Sometimes they don't put the hotspots up,

or sometimes there are too many ranger patrols.

We just hang out and wait.

What the hell's this?

Fraser, Fraser, are you okay?

Oh Jesus.

Thank you, Mrs. Boyd, you take care now.

Turnout for the Highland Fling much healthier, Beth.

I guess that's thanks to your propaganda drive, Ritchie.

What about the mussel beds?

Not so good.

It's like those pearl pirates can read minds,

they always seem to be one step ahead.

We had four beds compromised in the last week alone.

How are they doing it?

Who's that?

Oh my god, Ritchie.

Otto, you came back, I can't believe it.

Hiya fella.

Oh, that a boy.

Treacherous beaver bastard.

Hi sweetness.

Hi.

How are you doing, Otto?

This is great, and it's vegan noodles for Danny.

Aye.

Sorry, I'm late.

Fraser, how are you doing, mate?

I'm scarred for life.

Ritchie, you've let me down.

I was promised pearls, and what do I get?

Nothing.

You didn't even respond when Fraser here was shot.

Maybe he's gone native.

Maybe you ought to have a word with

that wee English lass that runs the ranger center.

I'm sure I could twist her arm, and get what we need.

- You touch her… - And what?

You'd ruin things.

I mean, she's the key to the pearl beds.

And they're all focused on this big fundraiser

they're having tomorrow night.

There's just honestly no new information at the moment.

You need to be patient.

Ritchie, do we strike you as patient men?

Danny, is that your stomach rumbling?

I'm so hungry.

You need to get some meat in you.

At least pot is vegan.

It was good of Ethan to invite us to the party.

You're in love with his girlfriend aren't you?

She's not his girlfriend.

You need to let that one go, mate.

She's gorgeous, I agree, and clearly super smart,

but you're unemployed and skint.

It's not exactly a great match.

She fancies Ethan, and he lives in a mud hut.

Aye, well, you don't need money when you look like Ethan.

That guy has charisma.

I believe in you, Ritchie.

Danny's just cross 'cause he's hungry.

You're a smashing guy, and she'd be lucky to have you.

He's right.

You know what you have that he doesn't?

Scottish charm.

You can't beat a cheeky Scottish chappie.

Look at you, you handsome Gaelic devil.

Ethan can't compete with that.

Danny, Fraser, you made it.

I forgot how ridiculously good looking he is.

Never mind mate, plenty more fish in the sea.

I'm going with not Ethan.

And there's a little.

- You alright? - Hi.

I brought you something.

I know you didn't have time to go dress shopping,

and it belonged to my Aunt, like a million years ago,

but I just,

I thought it would look nice.

Oh.

It's beautiful.

Thank you.

Thanks.

Fiona, I got you something as well you know,

I just, I thought you'd like it.

Oh, vintage marl, I love it.

I love it.

I like the color, matches my dress.

- Yeah. - And my lipstick.

Now we've broke and spelt bread, we're truly brothers.

This vegan tzatziki is delicious.

Thank you, it's my own recipe.

Ritchie, are you unwell?

You seem dispirited.

No Ethan, I'm fine,

fantastic.

Hi, little…

Apart from this beaver hating me.

I might be able to help you with Otto.

I have a degree in animal hypnotherapy,

and I do know one or two things about beavers.

You can feel your body sinking into the floor.

You're so sleepy.

When you wake,

you will feel tightly bonded to the first person you see.

You will love and admire that person with all your heart.

Wake.

It worked, it actually worked.

- Ethan's incredible. - I know.

No, I mean really incredible.

I know.

I just love and admire him so much.

Will you dance with me?

I'll do anything for a good cause.

One, two, three, four.

One, two, three, four.

One, two, three, four.

I just love him so much.

Ritchie, I need a word with you.

Not now, mate.

No, I really need a word with you.

Back in a sec.

Lovely party.

Shame if anything were to happen to ruin this evening.

What do you want, Gavin?

I want my information tonight, Ritchie Wallace.

The location of the finest pearl beds in the River Tay.

I'm not leaving without it, savvy.

I said I would get it.

Aye, I heard that before.

I feel so helpless.

Gavin's gonna kill us all.

You, me, Beth, the beaver.

I told Ritchie pearl thieving was a bad idea.

You?

You idiots are the pearl thieves?

Where's Ritchie?

He's trying to stop Gavin from doing you in.

What do you mean, who's Gavin?

Ah, the key to the pearl beds herself.

Why are you bothering with a skinny wee tart like this for?

There's more genuine meat on a haggis.

That's Gavin.

Beth.

Don't speak to me ever again,

you despicable, vile human being.

Look.

At first, I didn't think it was that bad, pearl fishing.

You know, I just thought it was like normal fishing,

but we had a chance to win the jackpot.

It's like killing Otto for his pelt.

Look, I know that now.

You have made a complete fool out of me.

You have abused and insulted everything I hold most dear.

I've never known a girl so keen to taking off her clothes.

Get out, Ritchie.

You're lucky I'm not calling the police.

Beth, are you in there?

I think they're waiting for you to speak.

What's going on?

You know how we couldn't figure out

how the pearl thieves were always one step ahead,

how it seemed like they could read minds.

Well, who's the most recent addition to the center?

Otto.

Human addition.

Snake in our midst.

Get out, Ritchie.

Oh, you better do as the lady says.

I know all 64 deadly spots on the human body,

- and I will not… - Ethan.

Alright.

I'm leaving.

I'm so sorry.

I wish you could know how sorry I am.

- Uh. - Get out.

I thought we were brothers.

I will always love you, Ethan.

It's okay.

Skunk?

No thanks wee man, I've given it up.

Packed up the hydroponics lab and everything.

What about that?

It's risky.

I'm glad you're home.

Well, this pearl thing was never going to be long term,

was it?

I mean, I mean, god at least

it didn't end with us getting nicked.

She was always way out of your league and you knew that,

nice while it lasted.

At least we're free men.

This isn't freedom, Danny.

Mollusks, not men.

Mollusks, not men.

Mollusks not…

PC Dougie?

Oh, hang on I have to call you back, yeah.

Beth, are you alright?

There's been a chemical spillage

at Leon Whitehead's fish farm.

Thousands of gallons of toxic waste heading into the rivers,

and it's going to kill everything within a mile radius.

All your mussel colonies are in that radius.

Oh, what a shock.

I don't know what to do.

I mean, we can't just let it dilute naturally,

I have to do something.

I have to think of something.

Ritchie, Ritchie.

It's Fiona.

We can't stop the water,

so instead we're going to move

as many of the mussels as we can.

The poison will be on us

before we can move a fraction of them.

It will be like Moses leading the Israelites,

trying to hold back the mighty folds of the Red Sea.

The beast, the savages, the infidels, they'll all fall,

but we are going to have to stand up stronger

than we ever stood in our life before…

He's right, it's a waste of time.

You don't have enough pairs of hands.

This is it, this is our chance.

We get out there

and confess to everybody what we've been doing.

Time to see if this supportive community

is quite so supportive after all.

Stolen scallops?

You're fired, get out of here.

For those of you that know me and my pals,

you probably think we've never done a lot

to deserve any of your help,

and you'd be right.

In fact, we've never done very much at all.

Just spend most of our time drinking.

Good lads.

Messing about, and earning the odd backhander

by doing one or two things

that we're not particularly proud of.

But worst of all, we sat back and left others,

some of them not even Scottish,

to try and save our wildlife from extinction.

You know what, it's almost too late.

Any haddock?

Every single day somewhere on this planet,

an animal or a plant becomes extinct.

What about cod?

Cod's finished.

Things are just getting worse.

But today,

here in Glasgow, we can start to put things right.

Clear the roads!

Smart, very smart.

There's nowt more important than food.

A man after my own heart.

I've been away on a catering course.

Cooking for 300 every day, still a month to go.

Is that right?

I'm in the food industry myself, fish and chips.

The moment I saw you,

I thought I bet he's some young captain of industry.

That's me, an entrepreneur.

And I suppose, like all great men,

there's a good woman behind you.

Not yet, I've nay met the right one.

Mmm.

Leon Whitehead, he's never cared about

the welfare of his fish.

The suppliers used to tell me

how much pesticide he always ordered.

It's terrible.

Some people shouldn't be allowed to look after fish, or…

Ritchie, where are you going?

I won't be long.

Right, this better be important.

I've got a crisis on at the fish farm.

So I heard.

And, what do you want to talk about?

Just your false insurance claim.

Oh, come on.

Look, Leon I've been running these scams since a kid,

so I know when something's not right.

Guess you'll be claiming for what, 20,000 lost salmon?

That's a pretty big pay out.

The only thing is, I was up at your farm the other night,

and I know for a fact those salmon cages were nearly empty.

What were you doing at my farm?

That's not really relevant is it?

What is relevant is I hardly saw any salmon.

I never saw any fish food.

Fish food, what's fish food got to do with it?

Well, I'm assuming with all that pesticide

you've been storing up,

accidentally fell in the water,

the cage gates just happened to be open too,

and all the fish just washed out to sea

so nobody could count them.

You're not as dumb as you look.

Cheers.

You see, that's where I come in.

See, it doesn't matter that there's no bodies to count,

they're going to check your feed records.

And you haven't been feeding 20,000 fish have you?

Fish food.

Right, don't worry, I can get you receipts.

Stand up to interview, no questions asked.

Right, what do you want?

- 10%. - 5%.

I need the receipts pronto,

the loss adjuster comes tomorrow.

Done.

Done indeed, best come with me.

I'm gonna-

Thanks, Ritchie.

Whitehead's, like, a proper criminal.

You finally got one, ay?

Nice one.

Richard.

Calm down.

Come on children please, chop, chop.

Remember, we must save the mollusks.

Oh headmaster, you are so strong.

Chop, chop.

Pearl thieves,

silver BMW,

RU19444.

Okay and what about the…

Hello?

- They've hung up. - Who was that?

Didn't give a name.

I hate anonymous information.

Me too.

But I always act on it.

We're on a roll today.

We've got company.

- We clean? - Yeah, we're fine.

Right, well pull over.

- Problems, officers? - Routine check.

Check away please, be my guest.

Dougie, can you tell me the sentence

for tampering with mussels?

5,000 pound fine or six months in jail,

per shell.

Need a hand?

I can't thank you enough, sir.

Very proud of you, very proud.

- Twitch has gone. - Hah, very clever.

Up, up, up, up, up, up, up.

Ah, Ms. Pringle, Daphne.

I was just wondering whether you'd care to,

you know, once we get back, join me in a glass of sherry?

Oh Timothy,

I would love to.

Oh marvelous.

Ooh.

In a few minutes, there won't be a single thing left alive

in the river.

It's horrible, ay.

Think there's some poor wee mussel we missed?

Just sitting, minding his own business.

Shit.

- Ritchie, get out. - What?

The river's going into spate.

I didn't get him.

The undercurrent's too strong.

Beth, stay, Beth, stay to the shore.

Ritchie.

Help!

Ritchie, grab the line.

Help!

It's for shooting sharks,

it will hold both of you no bother.

We got this Beth.

Ah.

Keep going.

Pull yourselves to the shallows, yep.

Keep going, that's nice and easy, that's it.

That's it, use your hips.

Oh my god, oh I'm god.

- Are you okay? - Yeah.

Forgive me, please forgive me.

I did a terrible, stupid, stupid thing,

but all I want to do now is save Scottish wildlife.

And not just like the wee cuddly stuff,

like the wee horrible creepy things as well, you know.

I want to be a good man, a man with a purpose.

Like Ethan, but less of a prat.

I'm not a prat.

I want to be like you.

You're the strangest, most wonderful creature I've ever met.

I love you.

If you let me, I'll spend the rest of my life

taking care of you,

and the mussels.

Come on!

- Yeah. - Yay.

You're a true alpha male, Ritchie.

I couldn't have given you up to anyone less worthy, Beth.

Oh.

Alright so.

Still need to find a home for this wee guy.

Oh my god.

Oh my god.

Are you absolutely kidding me?

Yes.

Oh yes.

When you said they spat out pearls,

I thought you were having me on.

I'm the greatest man that's ever lived.

I'm off to Africa, broker some big animals.

Wooo.

Yeah, that's what I'll do.

One pearl, ethically gained.

No.

It fits.

Oh daddy, it fits.

Here, take it.

No, no, this one's on us.

Please, consider it a donation, to the center.

Well, this one's priceless.