Original subtitles

Welcome back to another fun, nostalgic ride on Discontinued.

Hi folks, I'm Bruce Campbell.

You might know me from my cult classics

on the silver screen, or my iconic status

in the entertainment industry.

You might also know me from the Burbank Ace Hardware,

home and garden department.

I had to pick up a little slack for a few years there.

I'm transmitting live from the year 2037

from the safety of my bunker.

AI has taken over and it's a dystopian nightmare

filled with desolation and hopelessness.

On the bright side, I don't have to attend

any more gender reveal parties.

Welcome to Discontinued.

Ever since we humans hauled our hairy butts out of caves...

Watson, come in here.

...We've shared the world with technology.

Computer, set a five minute timer please.

We let them in, but couldn't get them out.

Launching the nukes in T-minus five minutes.

And these AI A-holes took everything.

Everything, that is, except for the stuff

that was before their time.

So, here I am, Bruce Campbell,

sealed inside a cave with the last shreds

of humanity's glorious past.

The stuff we discontinued.

Now, I'm not doing this alone, even though I easily could.

I've hired a crew in your time,

and asked them to look back at things in a different time.

Why? Well, to help you re-discover

the precious gems of the past

and to appreciate them before it's too late.

There's Disneyland's Videopolis.

This sounds like a place I wanna go.

[Bruce] That's what the local gangs said.

[Cody] Some of these gangs ended up considering Disneyland

as part of their turf.

We'll take a deep whiff...

Ooh, that's pungent.

...Of gas fumes and regret,

with Harley-Davidson cologne.

It smells like motor oil and domestic abuse.

And we'll watch the bell toll for Saved by the Bell.

That was literally part of my every day life.

But first... We're starting today

with a name known the world over,

who has served billions.

I'm talking about McDonald's,

Maccy D's, the Golden Arches.

McDonald's introduced the Arch Deluxe to the world,

targeted to mature adults,

which honestly sounded weirdly erotic.

Welcome to McDonald's after dark.

Let's drive right through this story.

Hi, I'm Andre from Discontinued,

and I'm heading out to the streets of Los Angeles,

hoping to find people who can remember

the fabled Arch Deluxe.

Have you ever heard of McDonald's Arch Deluxe?

Mm, no.

No, I never have.

I think it had spider earthworms.

What?

She seemed to be an unreliable source.

That is a happy meal, I guess. [laughs]

So, we headed back to the nostalgic connoisseurs

-to find out what is... -[man] McDonald's Arch Deluxe,

the country's favorite new burger.

And not just because of the hat.

[laughs]

What is an Arch Deluxe?

It just sounds like coronary artery disease.

See, this is a-- this is a grown person's burger, right here.

[Willie] The Arch Deluxe was like the little kid

wearing their parent's clothing.

You know, like when that kid just wanna be like,

"I'm a grown up too," and you just see, like,

the daughter just with the make-up all over the face.

It was a kid's meal for adults.

[Andre] Odd choice for the fast food restaurant

that introduced the world to Ronald,

and whatever fresh nightmare

these guys came from.

[Tony] A lot of times, this is a kid's first word.

"What we having for dinner?" "McDonald's."

That was grounds for celebration, my shirt was off,

I'm doing cartwheels in the backyard,

even though we didn't have a backyard,

-it was like a parking lot. -[Andre] While then,

these guys peddled McDonald's burgers and Happy Meals

quite successfully for over 20 years,

-until... ♪ Whopper, Whopper, Whopper ♪

...Burger King and Wendy's came around...

-Where's the beef?-...To butt in

on the market share in the late '80s.

[Joe] So, in the early '90s, McDonald's got the focus groups

and they did market research and they found out

everybody thought McDonald's was a kid restaurant,

and they were like, "No, we're not."

So, Ronald McDonald exchanged a wig...

-What would I do? -Yeah!

...For a hat.

So, they hired a chef.

[man] McDonald's Executive Chef.

They would say, like, "Was created by

"the Head Chef of McDonald's,"

who was not the Head Chef

at any McDonald's, I'm positive.

Yeah, he wasn't exactly Gordon Ramsay.

But, you know, they put him in every single commercial.

It's right up your alley.

[Andre] Real chef or not,

McDonald's took over a year

to come up with this new burger.

[Mike] They had special sauce.

They even threw bacon on it.

Like, this sandwich was fully equipped.

It was essentially in like a burger briefcase.

I remember, like, my dad ordering them

and it would, like, rip through the bag.

And, it was, like, a big burger, but that felt excessive.

[Andre] So, in order to appeal to adults,

McDonald's had to think outside the box.

A box so big, it ripped open the bag,

the bag of money they were about to drop

-on this marketing campaign. -Come on, Dad.

[Joe] So, they spent $200 million

to advertise this thing,

which is like one of the biggest ad campaigns

for this thing that nobody really wanted.

[Andre]200 million is small potatoes,

because McDonald's projected the Arch Deluxe

to pull in $1 billion their first year.

[hip hop plays]

The marketing team took a hard left turn

from McDonald land and into adult burger.

The slogan for the Arch Deluxe was...

[man] The burger with the grown up taste.

They were doing these commercials,

it was Ronald McDonald in a business suit.

That's, like, uncomfortable.

Like, clowns are creepy enough as is,

then when you dress them up like they're going

to a job interview, it's even scarier.

Cos they were like, "[BLEEP] kids, at this point."

A lot of adults don't want nothing to do with McDonald's

if they don't have kids, you gotta have kids in there.

[Andre] Okay, so they brought the kids

back into the commercials.

But, even those were a bit...

Arch Deluxe.

Urgh, gross.

You're telling me if I eat anything from McDonald's,

I'm gonna end up growing up.

I don't wanna grow up.

It might have failed even before it began.

Might have been too fancy for old McDonald's.

[Andre]The Arch Deluxe campaign

-confused everyone. -Nice hat.

[Andre] It alienated their target audience

and failed to bring in a new one.

After five years...

[Joe] Sales just kept declining,

till 2000, they're just-- they gave up,

and that's it, they pulled it.

And, I don't think anybody noticed.

I didn't even know the Arch Deluxe was discontinued.

I thought it was like the McRib, and it was gonna come back.

It just never came back.

[Andre] All in all, the Arch Deluxe went down

as the most expensive failed campaign

in McDonald's history.

For a burger nobody seemed to want, or like.

Wait a minute, no one liked the Arch Deluxe?

Oh.

Okay, maybe some people liked it.

I also liked it.

Thanks Andre. And now, it's time for another discontinued

in the wild from the past, in the present.

I have my correspondent, Andrea Lopez,

out in the street, so let it rip, Andrea.

Thank you Bruce. We're here, on the Venice boardwalk,

exploring, and we're gonna talk to some people

to see what they miss from previous generations,

and what relics of the past would they like to bring back.

What is the main thing you miss from the past,

and given the opportunity, what would you bring back?

I would have to say, probably,Nick at Nite from Nickelodeon.

It's one of my favorite things that I miss.

Who misses the '90s?

-Did you watch CatDog ? -Yes!

CatDog, CatDog, cat eating dog.

[laughs]

Hey Arnold! is definitely one.

Recess is an absolute favorite.

Wow, that just brought me back.

Oh, let's bring back Rocko's Modern Life.

-That's a really good one. -Definitely inappropriate,

loved every episode.

What do you miss from the past?

He probably misses the chicken

-he had this morning. -[laughs]

Anything about games

you'd love to see come back?

I know that Mario's huge right now,

but, like, Nintendo 64, I don't know if people

are even still playing it. I would love it

to make a huge comeback.

N64, the Crash Bandicoot game.

Oh, my... [stutters] I would have beat you.

Honestly, you probably would have beat me,

cos I was like four years old, but... [laughs]

That's not funny. [laughs]

Any styles from the '80s or '90s?

The cheetah prints.Cheetah Girls need a reboot.

I would probably go with puka shells.

-Really? -They're the best.

Yeah, actually jelly shoes, that was a big thing of mine.

If you wanted blisters fast...

-jelly shoes. -Jelly shoes.

You're also the hottest bitch on the beach.

-True, true. -[Bruce] Coming up...

The No-Soul Train, for the Disney Channel.

[Bruce] Pop on your mouse ears and let's revisit

the happiest place on Earth...

For gang members.

That led to the demise.

[Bruce]And, take a deep breath folks.

Legendary Harley-Davidson.

When Discontinued...

Things aren't easy in the year 2037.

As far as the eye can see, crumbling structures stand

as haunting reminders of a forgotten civilization.

But, when I'm stuck in a rut,

not sure where my life is going,

here's what I do...

[techno music plays]

A-ha!

That's right...

I get jiggy with it.

Well, Disney used a similar tactic in the '80s,

when it was trying to dance its way to a new audience.

I give you, Videopolis,

Disneyland's dance club.

A long time ago, in a theme park far, far away,

the empire known as Disney fought to stay relevant.

But, Star Wars, a 6ft rodent,

and even giant turkey legs weren't enough.

Disney needed a mouse metropolis,

or a video, or a...

-Videopolis. -Videopolis.

-Videopolis. -So, what is it called again?

♪ We're going to the top, Videopolis ♪

Videopolis was basically dance club at Disneyland.

Let's get into trouble with Nia Peeples!

For, you know, all the cool people

that hang out at Disneyland at night.

[Andrea] Yep, a dance club for kids.

♪ Do you smell trouble? ♪

What kind of trouble could your daughter possibly get into

with a free weekend and the keys to your car?

We drove all the way from Birmingham.

[Andrea] So, how did Mickey Mouse end up in da club?

Disney was trying to appeal to an older crowd

to move away from their family-friendly image.

Well, what are we waiting for?

I don't know, I have any kind of like suspicious activity

when adults want to lure teenagers into, like,

a room with a fog machine, and, like, flashing lights.

It's weird.

[Andrea] But, in 1984, Disney had fallen on hard times.

So, they brought in Michael Eisner,

former CEO of Paramount Pictures,

to help revamp the business.

The story goes that Michael Eisner

brought his son, Breck, to Disneyland one day,

and he said it was super lame, basically.

[Andrea]Baby Breck was super bored.

But, daddy had a super-duper idea.

Disney's full of all kinds of weird,

hang-around gimmicks, especially at the park,

and I think Videopolis was a great example of that.

[Andrea]With Eisner's green light,

sweaty teens got to boogie down at downtown Disney

in record time.

Videopolis opened on June 22nd 1985.

From development to opening took just about 100 days,

which is breakneck speed for Disney.

[Andrea] And, it was a fast pass to success.

[Cody] Videopolis was so popular,

and eventually saw such acts as Oingo Boingo,

The Bangles, New Kids on the Block.

And while teenage fans were screaming with excitement,

the Disney channel was busy capitalizing

on the Videopolis craze.

They ultimately had two TV shows,

one called Videopolis,

and a special calledVideopolis Superstars.

It was Soul Train. ..

[disco music plays]

...For the Disney channel,

AKA, the No-Soul Train.

[Andrea] Yeah, I know what you're thinking.

This sounds like a place I wanna go.

[Andrea] Exactly. But, Disney wasn't the only

place in town to cut a rug.

[Cody] Disney basically ripped off their idea

from Knott's Berry Farm, the local competitor,

who, in 1984, had opened an MTV-inspired

outdoor club called Studio K.

[Andrea]That was Knott's-very smart,

because a dance-off was the least of Disney's problems.

[Cody] In Orange County, gang violence between teenagers

became a huge problem,

and some of these gangs ended up considering

both Disneyland and Knott's as part of their turf.

-Gang-gangs?- [Andrea] Yeah.

And, we're talking more Bloods, Crips than Jets, Sharks.

So, you had kids that were like,

"No, my park's Disney,"

and, "My park's Knott's Berry"?

-Is that what you're saying? -[Andrea] Unfortunately,

that's exactly what we're saying.

Course they're starting gangs.

They're like, "Ah! I wanna [BLEEP] so bad,

"but I can't, so let me go fight

"people from Knott's Berry Farms."

Ultimately, although it happened on a night

that Videopolis wasn't operating,

two teens were shot, and one of them died,

in the parking lot of Disneyland,

and it was forever linked

in the public consciousness with Videopolis.

That led to the demise.

[Andrea] Although the incident wasn't entirely to blame,

add that to the growing shift in music taste,

and the park just couldn't keep up,

and decided to unplug the screens for good.

Thank God it's gone.

Although, for one night in 2020,

for '80s night...

They brought Videopolis back to the site where it used to be.

We are happy to report, no Gen Xers were harmed

in the gathering.

I don't get out much, due to the nuclear radiation index.

It's 1.3 million today.

But, when I used to venture out,

I was all about having a signature scent.

There were a lot of fragrances on the market.

What if I told you, there once was a fragrance

that was inspired by burning rubber,

exhaust fumes and knife fights.

Not wanting to be pigeon-holed as only a motorcycle company,

Harley-Davidson launched this baby, called Hot Road.

Let's jump on our hogs

and ride down Harley-Davidson's Hot Road.

Everybody knows Harley-Davidson's lifestyle line

runs deep, but in the '90s,

they wanted to see just how deep they could go.

The legendary Harley-Davidson.

Legendary Harley-Davidson.

[Andre] Who doesn't love Harley-Davidson?

[Daniel] Harley-Davidson was founded in 1903,

and is best known as a motorcycle company.

[Andre]The Milwaukee-based company

didn't waste much time branching out,

selling their first jacket in the 1920s,

they continued expanding, selling anything

they could slap their patch on.

Jackets and helmets and t-shirts.

[Andre]And luggage, and coolers,

plates, clocks, and I guess cologne

isn't sounding so weird, after all.

Harley-Davidson created a line of fragrances

in partnership with Loreal, called Hot Road.

It's called Hot Road.

You know what a hot road is? Tar.

Have you ever smelled tar?

Can't get it out of your nostrils

for, like, 47 miles down 78 turnpike.

It's disgusting.

"Someone's radiator leaking?"

"No, it's my new Harley-Davidson cologne."

It's called "Eau De Soft Tail."

I also got "Summer in Sturgis"

and "The Girl Fell Off."

[Andre] So, maybe those aren't real names.

But, the actual colognes were all too real.

Some of the fragrances they offered were Destiny Man,

Destiny Woman, Golden Sun, Black Fire.

And the price points ranged anywhere from $25 up to $60.

[Andre]Pretty steep for something

that was designed to smell...

Well, I'll let them describe it.

Ooh, that's pungent.

[April] It smells like motor oil and domestic abuse.

Makes you feel like, "I need to be wearing leather."

Eddie Murphy probably wore this in Raw,

cos when you wear leather, you need Harley on you.

Yeah, it smells like...

You're gonna go out for a pack of cigarettes

and never come home.

Harley-Davidson cologne is for a very specific demographic.

It's for men who are attracted to 45-year-old

chain smoking divorcees,

who cook a mean hot dog.

I remember my trash-ball uncle got it for my aunt

and thought it was like the best Christmas present ever.

I may have stolen it from

one of my aunt Julie's various boyfriends.

Honestly...

Maybe my aunt bought this for my uncle,

cos I don't think this is a female scent.

[Andre] These two couldn't be talking

about the same aunt, could they?

Target demographics aside, the hot-rod company

hit several speed bumps with consumers.

Oh, my God, of course it's a twist off.

Even the box, like...

I guess it kind of looks like leather.

Who at Harley was like, "Yeah!"

This is how you know men...

Men are into it. It looks like old space.

[echoing]

[Andre]I think she meant Old Spice.

Oh, I like that you just pour it on yourself.

That's nice. They don't even give you a spritzer.

Oh, it's one of these where it doesn't

even have a spray nozzle, you have to, like, dump.

You have to commit to the bit.

You dip and you tip. Right here.

Now you can go... [imitates spraying]

You wasting [BLEEP].

This, right here, could last you five years.

[Andre] At least he found the silver lining.

But, for everyone else, they just couldn't get past

the price, the name...

Hot Road. [laughs]

...The smell, or the image, to save the cologne.

That smells like Vietnam flashbacks.

[Andre] And, after a few years, or for this guy,

-two bottles... -That's five years.

Harley-Davidson decided to retire

the confused fragrance line.

I don't even know how to say this, is it "you day toilet"?

I'm not French, and they aren't either,

so they shouldn't have put that on there.

[Andre] Don't worry though, you can still

go visit this musky relic.

The Harley-Davidson failed perfume

and cologne lines can be found at the Museum of Failure

in Helsingborg, Sweden.

[Andre] He's not joking, that's a real place.

Yeah.

[Andre] As for Harley, their lifestyle brand

is still strong as ever.

I love Harleys, they're sick.

And, if you're looking for any last minute Christmas gifts

for your aunts... Or uncles,

you might be lucky and find a bottle or two on Ebay.

I hear they last five years.

-[Bruce] Coming up... -Saved by the Bell.

...It's excitement guaranteed.

I'm so excited!

I'm so excited!

People often ask me,

"How is it that you look so darn handsome all the time,

"despite being in the year 2037?"

Three words, folks. Moisturize, moisturize, botox.

They also ask me,

what was high school like for you?

Well, I tell them that high school was a blast.

I dated this hot girl, Kelly,

although she ended up hooking up with my friend, AC.

Then my friend, Jessie, started abusing caffeine pills.

Oh, wait, that's not my high school,

that's actuallySaved by the Bell.

Nothing can change a mood faster

than hearing that theme song from your favorite show.

[Discontinued theme plays]

But, for every kid in the '90s,

it was hearing that iconic school bell

-from the living room TV. -[school bell rings]

I dare you not to smile.

♪ It's alright ♪

♪ Cos I'm saved by the bell ♪

Saved by the Bell was my [BLEEP].

Saved by the Bell is some of my earliest memories.

That was literally part of my everyday life.

[Andrea] And he wasn't alone.

Saved by the Bell first aired in August of 1989 on NBC

and audiences couldn't get enough of these high schoolers.

[applause]

-You had Zack Morris. - Time to rock and roll,

- let the party begin. -And he was just the man,

he was cool.

Mark-Paul Gosselaar played Zack Morris.

He was charming, he was a ladies man,

he got into a lot of mischief.

Zack Morris was kind of, like,

a not nice person.

Don't be cruel.

But his hair was amazing.

[Andrea]But, before Zack and the gang

were partying at Bayside,

they were somewhere in Indiana,

on a series called Good Morning Miss Bliss.

It started out as Zack, they kept Screech,

they kept Lisa, then you had Mr Belding,

the Principal who's way too involved in the students' lives.

Then, those characters carried over into Saved by the Bell.

It was one of those whacky '90s transitions,

-they didn't tell you anything. - Really? I didn't notice.

[Andrea] After 13 episodes, the producers took a...

-Time out.-...To re-structure the show.

They moved to California, added three new characters,

and focused more on friend dynamics,

sparking the age-old school room debate,

which one are you?

I wanted to be like Zack Morris.

I wanted to be buff like A.C. Slater.

- Ding Dong. -Come on, now,

everybody wanted to be Slater, you know what I mean?

That fool had me doing crunches after school, like, every day.

Slater had the-- the-- What was that?

-The mullet with the jerry curl. -[Andrea] Mario Lopez' curls

and signature dimples had America's youth

in a choke-hold during the '90s.

Add Screech into the mix, they were quite the bro-some.

Screech was my guy. Awkward, but funny.

Do I have to wear your Aunt Helen's bra again?

He kept hitting on Lisa, she kept saying no.

Can't wait for you to guess.

-You love me? -Never.

Lisa Turtle, of course.

Hey... [chuckles] Hey!

Okay, Lisa Turtle.

First, why did they give her that last name?

She's the only black character, you give her "Turtle"

-as the last name. - How could you do that to me?

[Andrea] Clearly, there was no shortage

of crush-worthy characters.

Kelly Kapowski.

Oh, my God, Kelly Kapowski.

[Andrea] Kelly was added

as the all-American girl next door.

Kelly, you can DM me, what's up, girl?

You're embarrassing me.

I feel like that was every boy's crush

at some point, and then you grow up a little bit

and you think, no Jessie was the one.

Jessie, I mean...

[Andrea] Elizabeth Berkley originally auditioned

to play Kelly, but the producers decided

to create a character just for her.

[Jesus] I think I was looking for Jessie

in every girl that I dated. [sighs]

-I'm still looking for Jessie.-But, Saved by the Bell

wasn't just crushes and character flaws.

The series was also known for dealing with

relatable high school issues.

I do remember Jessie had a drug problem one time.

Very excited about the drug problem.

I'm so excited!

She was so excited.

I'm so excited!

"I'm so excited!" And then, you know,

Zack's shaking her and then she's so scared.

I'm so... [crying] ...Scared.

[Brian] That's a really powerful moment,

and as a kid, you were just like, "Whoa!

"Where can I get coffee pills

"to get a chick like Jessie Spano?"

[Andrea] And after four years,

the actors grew out of Bayside

and the show was canceled.

But, unlike our other discontinued items,

everyone wanted more.

So, the network gave us more.

They had Saved by the Bell: The New Class,

which lasted seven seasons.

And in 2020, Peacock rebootedSaved by the Bell.

We're back!

But, the nostalgia wasn't enough.

Saved by the Bell was discontinued, for real.

Looks like the king is dead.

So, in the end,Saved by the Bell

was too much of a good thing, and after 30 years,

America finally tapped out...

For now, anyways.

Let's recap, shall we?

From the Arch Deluxe burger that grew up too fast,

to the boogie moves that were busted

on the Videopolis dance floor,

to Harley-Davidson assuming their die-hard fans

yearned to smell like gas, fault.

And bidding adieu to the realistic daytime drama,

Saved by the Bell.

They all may be a distant memory,

but we're keeping them alive by celebrating them today.

I'm Bruce Campbell, signing off from my bunker.

Until next time, you'll just have to cry yourself asleep,

and please remember to have your pet spayed and neutered.

[rock music plays]