All language subtitles for Discontinued.2023.S01E02.1080p.WEB.h264-EDITH_track3_[eng]

[static]

Welcome back to Discontinued.
I'm Bruce Campbell,

known the world over
for my chiseled jawline

and uncanny ability to steal
every scene I grace.

I'm transmitting
from the year 2037,

from my impenetrable bunker.

AI has taken over.

In this dystopian landscape
there's no compassion...

...and humanity's darkest
impulses have taken hold.

Welcome to Discontinued.

Ever since we humans hauled
our hairy butts out of caves...

Watson, come in here.

...we've shared the world
with technology.

Computer,
what's the weather forecast?

We let them in but couldn't
get them out.

[computer] It looks like rain.
A reign of terror.

And these AI a-holes
took everything.

Everything, that is,
except for the stuff

that was before their time.

So, here I am, Bruce Campbell,
sealed inside a cave

with the last shreds
of humanity's glorious past.

The stuff we Discontinued.

[spooky music plays]

This TV show from the future

is here to remind you
to cherish the past,

by rediscovering things
that were sadly discontinued.

The word sadly does not
apply to mullets, however.

Now, I've hired
a team of reporters

in your present day
to help me out.

Don't worry, they're getting
internship credits.

On today's special report
from yesterday,

we'll talk Talkboy.

[man]
You can be as clever as Kevin

with Tiger's new Talkboy
tape recorder.

Stop drooling on me!

Stop drooling on me!

[Bruce] A car that's easy
to love, but hard to say.

The Lotus Espir-- Spirit.

[Bruce] And, also, everyone's
favorite resourceful hero,

Mullet Man, aka MacGyver.

He made a plane
out of bamboo poles,

soy sauce and fortune cookies.

Now, our first nostalgic
expedition

takes us back
to the pioneer days,

when those poor people
encountered vast challenges

and brutal conditions.

Of course, I'm talking about
Blockbuster customers.

Imagine a world where
you had to leave your house,

get in the car,
drive to a building,

trudge up and down aisles,

argue about what to pick
other than Evil Dead II,

rent a movie, drive back home,

bring up a story about an ex,
and why would you do that?

Watch the movie,
argue some more,

and then argue about
who's gonna return the movie.

For crying out loud!

So, let's be kind and rewind,

as we revisit the dramatic
twists and turns of Blockbuster.

This is Andre from Discontinued.

We're in Los Angeles
talking with people

about things from the past.

Do you know they actually
bought their movies,

video games, books
and music from stores?

You know, actual stores?
It's like Amazon in real life.

Do any of you remember
Blockbuster Video?

-Absolutely.
-Absolutely.

-Oh, yeah? Okay, okay.
-I still have my card.

-You still have your card?
-Yeah.

Look at that thing!
Feels like

it should be in a museum
or something.

In the future, that might
be the last remembrance

we have of a Blockbuster Video.

It's true. [laughs]

Oh, Blockbuster.

Blockbuster was the most
amazing place to be.

♪ Oh, what a difference
Blockbuster Video ♪

Blockbuster Video store.

[Andre]But, what is a video store?

Or, even, what is a video?

Let's rewind the tape
to the 1980s.

[Joe] Back then, like,
if you wanted to buy a VHS tape,

it cost, like, $98.

Which, in today's money,
is, like,

-a million dollars, I guess?
-[Andre] Yeah, not quite,

but, the only affordable way

to get the cinema experience
at home...

...was to rent movies, on tape,
from a store.

Video stores were everywhere,
they were mom and pop places,

nobody really made
the franchise yet.

[Andre] But, in 1985,
everything would change,

and it all began in Dallas.

But, far from the greasy
dealings of oil tycoons,

this geyser of money was tapped
by a database expert...

Uh, what's his name?

...named David Cook, who,
along with his wife, Sandy,

opened the first Blockbuster
in 1985,

and soon had dozens of stores,

largely because...

They had thousands of movies.

But, David Cook soon needed
a database for all his money,

because, when Blockbuster
quickly spread,

he cashed out,

and Waste Management
Inc's co-founder,

Wayne Huizenga, cashed in,

wasting no time enjoying
this large selection of films

from the kid's section.

It was family oriented,
but that's a good thing,

family oriented is a good thing,

but, I liked the mom
and pops better,

'cause of the porn.

Okay, sometimes,
I would take a detour

into that adult section
down here.

For me, as a little boy,
to be able

to just see the cover
was enough.

[Andre] It wasn't just
about the family movies.

Going to Blockbuster itself
was family entertainment.

Going to Blockbuster
was such a family thing to do.

Parents used to give it to us
as a treat.

Like, "Oh, if you guys
do good in school,

"we don't have any problems,
everybody does their chores,

"we can go to Blockbuster
on Friday."

Blockbuster on a Friday night

was like half party,
half terror dome.

Just picking that special one,

almost like picking a little
card for somebody's birthday.

[Chris] So, it was like,
"What up, Uncle Larry?"

Throat chop, Lethal Weapon III.

[laughs] You're too old
for this [bleep], Uncle Larry.

My mom sideswiped a car,

and we still went inside
and rented some movies.

[Andre]And every family has a secret,

in this case,
a secret weapon...

I owe Blockbuster
so much money.

...the late fee.

The late fees.
Those were just traumatic.

I owe Blockbuster
$11,000... [laughs]

...for All Dogs Go To Heaven 2.

Blockbuster is the reason
I have bad credit.

[Andre] Blockbusters late fees
became the stuff of legends.

In 2000 they raked in
$800 million in late fees.

Which, in today's money,
is, like,

a million dollars, I guess?

-[laughs]
-[Andre] No, that's still wrong.

And who can forget
the dreaded rewinding of tapes

-before returning?
-You didn't rewind the tape,

you got a penalty
for not rewinding the tape.

Be kind, rewind.

[Andre] As the family grew
and spread out

across the country,

and conquering
the video rental market,

a small media conglomerate
purchased Blockbuster.

[man] Viacom.

They bought it for $8.4 billion,
for a video store.

But, the Blockbuster saga
was about to take

another unexpected turn,

one that would forever change
the landscape of entertainment.

In 1997, Netflix comes along.

They weren't streaming
at the time,

it was mail order rentals.

[man] Netflix,
all the movies you want,

20 bucks a month,
and no late fees.

You could return it whenever
you wanted to.

[Andre]Blockbuster faced a choice

that would forever
alter its destiny.

They thought people would
always enjoy

this drive to this store,

versus having it
just mailed to you.

They had the opportunity
to buy Netflix

for something like 50 million.

Man!

Fools! Fools!

[Andre] If only they could
be kind and rewind

that decision,
because by 2010

the stop button
had been pushed.

This really is
the end of an era.

Blockbuster will close
all of its remaining stores,

about 300 of them...

[D'lai]
I used to work in Blockbuster.

I worked the last month.

Think of your last day
of school.

That was it, they were all done.

[Andre] And thus,
the end came for Block--

Except for one, in Bend, Oregon.

And that one's still standing.
Probably barely.

[reporter] If you wanna
rent movies from Blockbuster

in the United States today,

you'll have to come
to Bend, Oregon.

Strap in everybody,

the Griffins are going
on a road trip.

[Andre] Family Guy even
devoted a whole episode

on the video store hold-out.

Oh my God, it's real!
We made it!

Blockbuster was like
an adventure.

You had to plan to get a movie.

You've gotta plan movie night.

You had to be picky,
it was special.

It wasn't just about
that video,

it was everything
building up to it.

It was a treasure in my house,
we loved it.

We miss you, Blockbuster.

It's time to make our way into
the wild of the past,

in your present day,
with my special correspondent,

Andrea Lopez. In the meantime,

I'm gonna get some time
on the elliptical,

'cause this body
doesn't tone itself.

Andrea, take it away.

[Andrea] Hey, Bruce,
we're gonna try talk

to some unsuspecting park-goers

all about the games of the past.

Today we're focusing
on Do The Urkel.

You guys remember
Family Matters,

it's a television classic.

Do The Urkel
from Family Matters

is, like, the iconic character,

-the catchphrase that he had.
-Did I do that?

Did I do that?

Did I do that?

Like, he made that show special.

Accompanied with
the television show,

Milton Bradley released
this board game in 1991.

It amassed many fans,

probably because
it's very involved.

You can dress up like Urkel,

and you'd better believe
we're doing the Urkel dance.

Joining me for a game
of Do The Urkel

is Ivan
and his daughter, Miranda.

Oh, that's good.
Laugh and snort.

[laughs, snorts]

[Andrea] Also some adorable,
random kids

-we grabbed off the playground.
-[laughs]

Try to get in here.
What does that say?

Imitate Urkel.

You wanna say, "Hiya, big guy?"

Hiya, big guy.

Perfect.

[laughs, snorts]

[laughter]

Did I do that?

[laughter]

Do the Urkel dance.

Put your fingers up in the sky!

Can you hike your pants up?

Hike your pants up.

[Ivan] I see why this game
was discontinued.

Maybe if I was drunk,
then it might be a little fun.

-[laughs]
-Tequila shots.

-[Bruce] Coming up...
-[gasps] You guys have one?

I love the Talkboy.

Yo, I want this device.

...it's the greatest device

that everyone's
not talking about,

Looking back now
from the year 2037,

I can tell you that the '90s
was a magical time for kids.

A time when kids were content
with a simple device

using a cassette tape, called...

...The Talkboy.
You may have seen this baby

featured in a small, independent
movie called Home Alone 2.

Sadly, it only managed to gross
$359 million worldwide.

Alright,
let's turn up the volume

to hear more about the Talkboy.

It's 1992.

Hair metal is dead,
grunge is king.

Polo is out, plaid is in.

But, if you're 12 years old,

all you wanted for Christmas
was the Talkboy.

[gasps] You guys have one?

-Whoa!
-Yep, we have one.

It's like a cassette tape
recorder for children.

For the children at home,
this is a cassette.

[Andre]Just hit record...

[singing indistinctly]

...and let the magic happen.

-Can I just hear that back?
-[singing indistinctly]

[Andre] But, that's not all.

[man] It even has speed control.

-You can change the voice?- [Andre] Yes, sir.

[plays recording]Turn me inside out.

Feel like I'm in the movie, Saw.

There's only one key
to open the device.

This Talkboy is haunted.

It's in the stomach
of your dead cell mate.

[Andre] The Talkboy was a hit
with serial killers

-and kids alike.
-I love the Talkboy.

[Shane] The thing
kids wanted to do the most

was record and change
your voice

to do prank phone calls
and make credit card fraud,

like, that's what kids
wanted to do in the '90s.

Wow, man, I feel like
Macaulay Culkin's gonna pop out

and just beat my ass
right now and take this.

This is sweet. Can I have this?

[Andre] The Talkboy story begins
with the original Home Alone,

with that sadistic
little bastard...

-Kevin!-When Home Alone hit theaters

in 1990, it was a smash hit.

-[screams]
-I don't think there's a person

on this planet
that didn't see Home Alone.

[Andre] People loved
the heart-warming story

of parental neglect.

Where are you guys?

And so you had the success
of Home Alone,

Home Alone gave way
to Home Alone 2,

which, we all get lost
in New York sometimes,

-that was fun.
-[Andre] This time,

Kevin was abandoned
in a concrete jungle,

and up to his old tricks.

But, if Kevin
was going to make it here,

he needed a futuristic gadget.

Tiger Electronics designed
and produced it,

and they launched
the Talkboy.

[Kevin on Talkboy] Yes?

And I remember
watching that movie,

and going, "That's amazing,

"I wanna call a hotel
and book a room."

You know, he was just working
with it and changing his voice,

-and doing all this recording.
- Yes, sir.

[distorted voice]
I'd like a hotel room, please.

I was just, like,
"Yo, I want this device."

Luckily, the Talkboy
was released

just in time for the holidays.

I remember the tagline
for the Talkboy being...

[man] Now, you can
be as clever as Kevin,

with Tiger's new Talkboy
tape recorder.

[girl]
Stop drooling on me.

The Talkboy was so popular,

that it would disappear
off of shelves in five minutes.

[Andre] Talkboy made
talking recording pens.

[boy]
Check out my voice changer!

Kiss me, I'm a prince.

[distorted]Kiss me I'm a prince.

[Andre] And a version
that was redesigned

just for girls.

[Shane] I think my sister
did have a Talkgirl,

the pink one,
I think it was literally

the same thing,
wasn't it? Just pink.

You can't have a [bleep] gender
in the device.

Canceled.

[Daniel] It was finally
discontinued in 1999,

and it's surprising
that it lasted that long,

because it was a novelty item
associated with one movie.

So, was it the creepy voice,

the ability to commit
petty crimes,

or something else that
kept the Talkboy around

for way too long?

Macaulay Culkin,

100% popular Macaulay Culkin.

Like, Macaulay Culkin was hot.

He was so hot. [laughs]

So gross, ugh. For that time.

It's kind of sweaty, sorry.

I'm gonna give this back to you.

I guess he does have
a killer smile.

Now, buckle up and get ready
for a nostalgic trip,

featuring a British sports car
that became one of the most

memorable and beloved cars
of all time,

despite not having
any cup holders

or satellite radio.

Let's go full throttle, now,

on Lotus Esprit.

When we think of Lotus,
we think of waterlilies,

Chinese restaurants, maybe even
some sort of creepy bug.

Oh yeah, and the British
sports car with the silent "T."

The Lotus Espi-- spir--
the Lotus Espiri-- spirit.

It's a silent T.

Who puts an "E"
at the beginning of "spirit?"

I feel like when you say
Lotus Esprit

it makes it sound fancier
and more European.

[Andrea]The Lotus Esprit debuted

at the 1975 Paris Motor Show.

The lotus was one of
the quintessential '80s cars.

[Andrea] And it was all thanks
to Lotus founder,

Colin Chapman,
who started building race cars

in his garage in 1948.

But, by 1959,

he was selling
a different kind of car.

They were primarily
a kit car company.

-[man] Knight Rider.
-[Andrea] Not that Kit.

Kind of a smaller, cheaper car

that you could piece
together yourself.

[Andrea]Oh, the IKEA of automobiles.

Not very well respected
in the industry.

[Andrea] But, Lotus didn't
pack up and go home,

they went on a shopping Esprit.

A British sports car,
primed to give the Italians

a run for their money.

I feel like the Lotus
is the poor man's Ferrari.

Nobody really ever
aspires to a Lotus.

You never saw someone
with a Lotus.

[Andrea] Well, maybe it wasn't
as cool as a Ferrari.

And, if you did,
100% they dealt cocaine.

[Andrea] The Esprit had slick,
drug dealer good looks.

But, was it packing much
under the hood,

if you know what I mean?

Instead of a V8 or a V12,

you had a small
four-cylinder engine.

[Andrea]With such a tiny engine,

Lotus needed a boost
of big D energy...

[James Bond theme plays]

...from 007.

In 1977, the Lotus Esprit was
prominently featured

in the James Bond film,
The Spy Who Loved Me.

[Andrea]Honk if you love Roger Moore!

[horn tooting]

The origin story of how
that happened

is really interesting.

The head of Lotus PR
drove the Esprit,

and parked it in front
of the film production studio.

The studio executives saw
and were so impressed with it...

[Andrea] That they immediately
sprayed it down

with machine gun fire.

And then drove it
into the ocean.

Then it went underwater
as well,

they got the underwater
effect to it.

That was kind of smooth,
Lotus was fire.

[horn honks]

You know what?
I'm surprised it didn't get

a lot of draw back from, like,
Back To The Future fans.

It kind of reminded me
of that DeLorean.

[Andrea] Well spotted,
nostalgia connoisseur.

Well, remember Colin Chapman,
the man behind Lotus?

-Absolutely.-Well, he actually

helped engineer and design
the DeLorean.

It all makes sense now.

[lightning crackling]

[Andrea] The Esprit reached
new heights in the '90s,

when it starred
in Pretty Woman.

-Have you ever driven a Lotus?
-No.

You're gonna start right now.

I feel like Lotus is kind of
like the chunky one

in a boy band,
nobody really wants it,

but you'll take it
if you have to.

[Andrea] The Esprit,
like an aging Hollywood star,

ended its run in 2004.

[Daniel]
The design kind of aged,

this wedge shaped car
of the '70s and '80s

was no longer in vogue.

[Andrea] But the Lotus Esprit
had its day,

and is now starring
in the forgotten franchise

of the discontinued.

-[Bruce] Coming up...
-[PK] MacGyver...

-I think it was legendary.
-[Chris] Was he a detective,

or was he a cop?
I don't know what he did.

-He liked to blow stuff up.-...it's MacGyver,

the man who brought us
all closer together

using floss
and plumber's putty,

In your present day,
there's no shortage

of superheroes in Hollywood.

But not all heroes wear capes,

some wear tights
in addition to the capes,

but I wanna resurrect the hero
who can solve a crisis

with nothing more
than a paper clip

and some chewing gum,
whose problem solving skills

inspired a generation
of DIY enthusiasts.

Hold onto your duct tape,
as we unravel

the story of MacGyver.

The '80s were the heyday
of the action hero.

Schwarzenegger, Stallone,
that guy in Flash Gordon.

♪ Flash! Ah-ah... ♪

But one science teacher
proved that action

was sometimes
a chemical reaction.

-[man] Who are you?
-Name's MacGyver.

[theme music plays]

MacGyver was like a superhero
with no fancy powers.

[narrator] He's a genius.

But he could invent stuff.

[narrator] He'll mystify
you with his brain.

[Andrea] But above the brain
was a mullet,

and, under the mullet, a man.

A different kind of man.

He was like Rambo without guns.

I've never had much use
for guns anyway.

He wasn't like shooting
people up, he was like,

-"I'm gonna fix this."
-With what?

That's sulfuric acid
up there, remember?

[Andrea] MacGyver relied
on the sweet science

-of AP chemistry.
-Chocolate bars?

[MacGyver] The acid
will react with the sugar

to form an elemental carbonate,
a thick, gummy residue.

[Andrea]It was his sweet spot.

He could build anything
out of anything.

He made a plane
out of bamboo poles,

chopsticks, soy sauce
and fortune cookies.

He could make a gun
out of, like, a cup,

a rubber band
and some snap peas.

-[laughs]
-[Andrea] The DIY detective

was an instant hit.

The audience reaction
to MacGyver was great,

-people really loved him.
-Well, yeah.

When they were looking
for actors,

Henry Winkler is actually
one of the producers.

-What?
-Exactamundo.

He was, like, scouting, like,

"Who can we get
to play MacGyver?"

-[Andrea] How about this guy?
-[buzzer]

-This guy?
-[buzzer]

-This guy.
-[ding]

Richard Dean Anderson

did an episode of The Love Boat,

and Henry Winkler saw it
and said,

"I think that is our guy."

And Henry Winkler and John Rich
looked at each other

-and they went...
-Hey-hey!

-Yahoo! Yeah!
-[laughter]

[Andrea] Richard Dean Anderson
cruised into prime time

as good guy, MacGyver.

He had morals, he had ethics,
he was always trying

to help out the situation.

What was he?
Was he a detective?

Or was he a cop?
Was he a mechanic?

-I don't know what he did.
-He liked to blow stuff up.

[explosion]

So, he was a part of

the Department
of External Services.

[Andrea] Aka, latrine duty.

You know, kind of a code name
for the FBI in Hollywood land.

-You DEA?
-No, Phoenix Foundation.

[Andrea] Whatever he was,

he always knew
what he was doing.

What are you doing?

These wires control the door.

Should short out the lock.

[Andrea] MacGyver was
so popular, he became a verb.

"The door wouldn't open,
so I MacGyvered a lock pick,

"and I got in there."
Like, no, you--

that's breaking and entering.

[Andrea] But in the end,

no-one could
MacGyver their way

out of the end of an era.

[explosion]

And by 1992, they realized
it was time to wrap up MacGyver.

[Andrea] And while the show
was discontinued,

the character stayed with us

through shows
like The Simpsons.

-[Krusty] Surprise!
-This is kidnapping!

People are gonna know
I'm missing!

[Andrea] And, ultimately,
the sexy science teacher

with three names
and a golden mane

is here to stay.

Richard Dean Anderson...

Did someone mention my names?

[Andrea] Because the original
MacGyver series

may be discontinued,
but the legend lives on,

from SNL sketches...

♪ The guy's a freakin'
genius, MacGruber! ♪

...to an actual,
legitimate reboot.

And that happened in 2016,
Lucas Till took over the role.

[MacGyver]My name's MacGyver.

What do I do?
A little of this,

-a little of that.
-It had a really good run.

It ran all the way through
to 2021 on CBS.

[Andrea] But maybe it doesn't
matter who plays MacGyver.

It's the simple tools
MacGyver used

to bond us all together.

That's what really counts.

MacGyver was always outrageous.

It was amazing
how you could dream big

and create anything. [echoing]

And sometimes you just
have to use the resources

that you have handy,

and that's what MacGyver
was all about.

[Andrea] Using ingenuity,
science, smarts and style,

MacGyver MacGyvered his way
into our hearts.

Let's recap
our nostalgic journey.

Blockbuster was
a beloved "it girl,"

but after late fees
and Netflix,

it became a gone girl.

Talkboy took life imitating art
to a whole new level,

and left parents scrambling
to find the toy.

With a small engine,
low price tag

and movie star appeal,
Lotus Esprit left its skid marks

on the car industry.

MacGyver gave everyone
the hero they wanted,

and showed us how to stand up
to life's challenges

with nothing more than
a rubber band and a tooth pick.

They're all a distant memory,
but we're keeping them alive

by cherishing them today.

I'm Bruce Campbell,
signing off from my bunker.

Join me next time,
as I dazzle you

with my towering intellect
and infectious enthusiasm,

on the next episode
of Discontinued!

[theme music plays]