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1
00:00:00,868 --> 00:00:03,335
¶¶
2
00:00:03,337 --> 00:00:05,170
Okay, I'm ready
for Vegas.
3
00:00:05,172 --> 00:00:07,072
Wait--
hand sanitizer,
4
00:00:07,074 --> 00:00:08,841
Band-Aids,
toilet seat covers.
5
00:00:08,843 --> 00:00:11,410
Yep, I'm ready.
6
00:00:11,412 --> 00:00:13,946
I'm proud of you, Lizzy,
being all spontaneous
7
00:00:13,948 --> 00:00:17,116
and going to Vegas
on two weeks' notice.
8
00:00:17,118 --> 00:00:19,251
So I'll miss
Suze Orman's TED Talk.
9
00:00:19,253 --> 00:00:22,421
I'll catch the highlights
on "Rachel Maddow."
10
00:00:22,423 --> 00:00:24,456
That's the gayest thing
you've ever said.
11
00:00:25,526 --> 00:00:28,127
And that includes,
"Luke, I'm gay."
12
00:00:29,096 --> 00:00:31,630
Viva Las Vegas,
baby!
13
00:00:35,102 --> 00:00:37,336
Are you going to visit
or to work?
14
00:00:39,373 --> 00:00:41,273
I actually did work in Vegas.
15
00:00:41,275 --> 00:00:44,009
I was the top showcase girl
at Sapphire, which means--
16
00:00:44,011 --> 00:00:46,078
Oh, I think I know
what that means.
17
00:00:47,314 --> 00:00:49,281
That I sold
the most sapphires.
18
00:00:49,283 --> 00:00:51,216
It was a jewelry store...
19
00:00:51,218 --> 00:00:53,852
inside a strip club.
20
00:00:53,854 --> 00:00:56,555
I knew we'd end up there.
21
00:00:56,557 --> 00:00:58,791
I love that we're going back
to the place where it all began
22
00:00:58,793 --> 00:01:00,459
to celebrate our two-month
anniversary.
23
00:01:00,461 --> 00:01:01,493
Aww.
24
00:01:01,495 --> 00:01:02,828
It's cute that
you're celebrating
25
00:01:02,830 --> 00:01:04,096
your two-month
anniversary.
26
00:01:04,098 --> 00:01:06,799
You and a bunch
of seventh-graders.
27
00:01:06,801 --> 00:01:09,334
And I'm so glad you could
come with us, Lizzy.
28
00:01:09,336 --> 00:01:11,470
What's more romantic
than sharing a junior suite
29
00:01:11,472 --> 00:01:14,406
with my new husband and
the woman he got pregnant?
30
00:01:16,310 --> 00:01:18,510
Look at me.
I got a lady on each arm,
31
00:01:18,512 --> 00:01:19,945
a suitcase full
of Red Bull,
32
00:01:19,947 --> 00:01:22,548
and a two-for-one
to "The Vagina Monologues."
33
00:01:23,918 --> 00:01:25,484
That's playing
in Vegas?
34
00:01:25,486 --> 00:01:29,354
No, actually,
it's "Rick's Vagina Monologues."
35
00:01:30,825 --> 00:01:32,758
He gets them to talk.
36
00:01:34,195 --> 00:01:37,396
Please tell me there's
audience participation.
37
00:01:39,533 --> 00:01:40,899
¶¶
38
00:01:40,901 --> 00:01:46,438
¶ Ooh ooh ooh ooh ooh
ooh ooh ooh ooh ooh ¶¶
39
00:01:48,476 --> 00:01:49,875
So this is where
you got married
40
00:01:49,877 --> 00:01:51,076
and perhaps contracted
41
00:01:51,078 --> 00:01:53,645
one or more
of the "hepatie-tie."
42
00:01:53,647 --> 00:01:55,881
It is, but it didn't
look like this.
43
00:01:55,883 --> 00:01:59,051
I mean, it didn't look
much better than this.
44
00:01:59,053 --> 00:02:00,552
Well, the good news is,
45
00:02:00,554 --> 00:02:02,888
I am no longer sad
that I missed your wedding.
46
00:02:04,191 --> 00:02:06,024
Excuse me, sir...
47
00:02:06,026 --> 00:02:08,460
Ma'am.
48
00:02:08,462 --> 00:02:10,829
What's going on?
'Cause we got married here.
49
00:02:10,831 --> 00:02:12,731
No, you didn't.
Yes, we did.
50
00:02:12,733 --> 00:02:14,366
No, you didn't.
51
00:02:15,669 --> 00:02:18,904
None of the weddings that
happened here were legal.
52
00:02:18,906 --> 00:02:20,439
Sorry, you got scammed.
53
00:02:20,441 --> 00:02:22,741
This place was a front
for the mob.
54
00:02:23,911 --> 00:02:25,144
This is messed up.
55
00:02:25,146 --> 00:02:26,945
I can't believe
this isn't a real chapel.
56
00:02:26,947 --> 00:02:31,550
Yeah, what house of God
doesn't have a stripper pole?
57
00:02:31,552 --> 00:02:33,552
Luke, do you know
what this means?
58
00:02:33,554 --> 00:02:36,054
It means... I didn't
miss your wedding.
59
00:02:36,056 --> 00:02:38,257
And now I get
to be your best man.
60
00:02:38,259 --> 00:02:39,558
And you get to have
a real ceremony.
61
00:02:39,560 --> 00:02:41,593
Wow, that's
a large blood stain!
62
00:02:42,696 --> 00:02:45,430
Lizzy, my visa
expires in a week.
63
00:02:45,432 --> 00:02:46,632
If we're not
married by then,
64
00:02:46,634 --> 00:02:48,400
I'll be exiled
back to England,
65
00:02:48,402 --> 00:02:50,102
forever banished
from this land.
66
00:02:50,104 --> 00:02:53,572
Would you just speak
American for one second?
67
00:02:53,574 --> 00:02:54,907
I'll be sent
back to England
68
00:02:54,909 --> 00:02:57,576
and put on a permanent
no re-entry list.
69
00:02:57,578 --> 00:03:00,245
Well, I love you, and I'm not
gonna let that happen.
70
00:03:00,247 --> 00:03:01,613
All right? We'll just
get married again.
71
00:03:01,615 --> 00:03:04,082
There's a chapel
across the street, see?
72
00:03:04,084 --> 00:03:05,584
Just past
"Nude, Nude, Nude,"
73
00:03:05,586 --> 00:03:08,287
it says, "Wedding,
Wedding, Wedding."
74
00:03:08,289 --> 00:03:09,488
Wait, you guys,
75
00:03:09,490 --> 00:03:10,989
you have a week
to get married.
76
00:03:10,991 --> 00:03:13,058
I mean, I could plan something
really nice for you.
77
00:03:13,060 --> 00:03:15,494
I have been called
"the organizer's organizer"...
78
00:03:15,496 --> 00:03:19,464
by me... to myself...
while I'm organizing.
79
00:03:21,135 --> 00:03:22,568
I do kinda feel like
I missed out
80
00:03:22,570 --> 00:03:25,437
on some of that
traditional wedding stuff.
81
00:03:25,439 --> 00:03:26,638
I never got a chance
to propose,
82
00:03:26,640 --> 00:03:28,674
or ask your dad
for his blessing,
83
00:03:28,676 --> 00:03:32,444
or make bad decisions
at a bachelor party.
84
00:03:32,446 --> 00:03:36,148
Dude, look at her, you're
marrying a bachelor party.
85
00:03:36,150 --> 00:03:37,516
Aw, Lizzy,
I'm touched...
86
00:03:37,518 --> 00:03:39,818
and someday, you will
be again, too.
87
00:03:41,889 --> 00:03:43,355
You know what?
88
00:03:43,357 --> 00:03:45,791
Let's do it right...
89
00:03:45,793 --> 00:03:46,992
starting now.
90
00:03:52,132 --> 00:03:55,300
Prudence Merlizabeth Baines.
91
00:03:55,302 --> 00:03:58,070
Will you marry me?
Oh, wait,
wait, wait.
92
00:03:58,072 --> 00:04:00,339
Here's a ring.
93
00:04:04,245 --> 00:04:08,146
Luke, I'd marry you
a thousand times.
94
00:04:08,148 --> 00:04:10,249
But let's try
and cap it at two.
95
00:04:12,419 --> 00:04:13,719
I'm sorry, can I have
that ring back?
96
00:04:13,721 --> 00:04:15,754
That was
my last peach one.
97
00:04:22,263 --> 00:04:23,962
¶¶
98
00:04:23,964 --> 00:04:26,898
Okay, the wedding planning
is in full swing.
99
00:04:26,900 --> 00:04:28,100
And remember
when I said
100
00:04:28,102 --> 00:04:29,768
I had something
big a-brewin'?
101
00:04:29,770 --> 00:04:31,103
Lizzy, I know you're pregnant,
but I don't need
102
00:04:31,105 --> 00:04:33,939
to be on every part
of your journey.
103
00:04:33,941 --> 00:04:36,508
No! You wanted
to ask Prudence's dad
104
00:04:36,510 --> 00:04:37,909
for her hand
in marriage.
105
00:04:37,911 --> 00:04:39,745
Well, someone is a bit
of an Internet sleuth
106
00:04:39,747 --> 00:04:41,546
and tracked down
a Mr. Martin Baines
107
00:04:41,548 --> 00:04:43,115
in Splitwick, England.
108
00:04:43,117 --> 00:04:44,716
Oh, wow,
you found his number?
109
00:04:44,718 --> 00:04:46,351
No, that would be
average "best man-ing."
110
00:04:46,353 --> 00:04:49,655
This little lesbo
went to the market.
111
00:04:51,425 --> 00:04:53,392
Is this a riddle?
112
00:04:54,728 --> 00:04:57,429
I flew in
Prudence's dad!
113
00:04:57,431 --> 00:04:58,730
His cab just
got here!
114
00:04:58,732 --> 00:05:00,699
He is sitting
on the couch right now!
115
00:05:00,701 --> 00:05:02,968
If I had a mic,
I'd drop it.
116
00:05:04,271 --> 00:05:07,739
Oh, my God, I'm about to meet
my future father-in-law!
117
00:05:07,741 --> 00:05:09,074
What do I do?
How do I look?
118
00:05:09,076 --> 00:05:11,743
Do I curtsy?
Yes, curtsy-- no!
119
00:05:11,745 --> 00:05:13,745
Just relax, okay?
120
00:05:13,747 --> 00:05:15,414
Be your amazing self.
121
00:05:15,416 --> 00:05:17,115
Ask for
his daughter's hand.
122
00:05:17,117 --> 00:05:18,750
And just remember
that you're supposed to get
123
00:05:18,752 --> 00:05:21,119
your best man a gift,
so cashmere will do.
124
00:05:23,357 --> 00:05:24,623
Thank you.
125
00:05:24,625 --> 00:05:26,425
You really are
the greatest best man.
126
00:05:26,427 --> 00:05:27,859
Yeah, I guess
the key to being
127
00:05:27,861 --> 00:05:29,995
a great best man
is being a woman.
128
00:05:33,100 --> 00:05:37,035
Mr. Luke, I'm Baines--
Bad start.
129
00:05:37,037 --> 00:05:38,337
Um...
130
00:05:38,339 --> 00:05:40,772
I'm Luke. It's a pleasure
to meet you, sir.
131
00:05:40,774 --> 00:05:42,507
Oh, please,
call me Martin.
132
00:05:42,509 --> 00:05:44,343
Lovely home
you have here.
133
00:05:44,345 --> 00:05:45,577
I come bearing gifts.
134
00:05:45,579 --> 00:05:46,978
Here's an airplane
blanket.
135
00:05:50,250 --> 00:05:52,751
And instructions
for a water landing.
136
00:05:54,455 --> 00:05:55,987
Thank you.
137
00:05:58,625 --> 00:06:00,859
Look, I'm just gonna
come out and say it.
138
00:06:00,861 --> 00:06:02,160
I love Prudence.
139
00:06:02,162 --> 00:06:04,796
She makes me happier
than I've ever been.
140
00:06:04,798 --> 00:06:06,998
And I want to spend
the rest of my life with her.
141
00:06:07,000 --> 00:06:09,401
So with your blessing,
I'd like to--
142
00:06:09,403 --> 00:06:10,902
'Ello, love!
143
00:06:10,904 --> 00:06:13,171
Martin!
What are you doing here?
144
00:06:13,173 --> 00:06:15,640
I flew your father in!
That's not my father!
145
00:06:15,642 --> 00:06:17,843
Well, I'm pretty sure--
I'm her husband.
146
00:06:19,012 --> 00:06:21,780
What?
Come again?
147
00:06:21,782 --> 00:06:23,248
My ex-husband.
148
00:06:23,250 --> 00:06:25,984
No, husband-- I never signed
the divorce papers.
149
00:06:25,986 --> 00:06:27,386
We're still married.
Oh!
150
00:06:31,191 --> 00:06:34,025
This little lesbo went
to the wrong market.
151
00:06:37,231 --> 00:06:40,165
I'm so sorry I never told you
I was married before.
152
00:06:40,167 --> 00:06:42,200
But it's not
something I'm proud of.
153
00:06:42,202 --> 00:06:43,368
I was very young.
154
00:06:43,370 --> 00:06:45,036
I was very young
when I went through
155
00:06:45,038 --> 00:06:47,939
my eyeliner phase, but I
showed you the picture!
156
00:06:49,676 --> 00:06:51,410
Well, I'm telling you now!
157
00:06:51,412 --> 00:06:53,478
And I was desperate
to get out of my house.
158
00:06:53,480 --> 00:06:54,980
We were really poor.
159
00:06:54,982 --> 00:06:58,116
I had to share a bed
with six of my seven sisters.
160
00:06:58,118 --> 00:07:00,419
Beatrice slept standing up
like a horse.
161
00:07:01,722 --> 00:07:04,589
Prudence, how could you
not tell me?
162
00:07:04,591 --> 00:07:06,024
I just wanted
to erase the past
163
00:07:06,026 --> 00:07:08,026
and pretend it never
happened.
164
00:07:08,028 --> 00:07:10,695
I thought I was divorced!
I signed the papers!
165
00:07:10,697 --> 00:07:13,932
But, apparently,
that wanker never did.
166
00:07:13,934 --> 00:07:17,402
That is something you should
maybe follow up on!
167
00:07:19,072 --> 00:07:22,407
I know "I'm sorry"
doesn't fully cover it,
168
00:07:22,409 --> 00:07:23,809
but if I had flown in
your father,
169
00:07:23,811 --> 00:07:25,243
that would have been awesome!
170
00:07:25,245 --> 00:07:28,146
Can we all just take
a moment to imagine that?
171
00:07:29,349 --> 00:07:31,116
Lizzy, how the hell
did this happen?
172
00:07:31,118 --> 00:07:32,918
Prudence told me that
her father's name was Martin.
173
00:07:32,920 --> 00:07:35,320
So we can pass the blame
around a little.
174
00:07:38,225 --> 00:07:40,692
I took "Baines"
when I married him.
175
00:07:40,694 --> 00:07:43,428
And I kept it because
my maiden name was hyphenated,
176
00:07:43,430 --> 00:07:45,797
and it caused me a lot
of grief growing up.
177
00:07:45,799 --> 00:07:48,366
What was your name?
178
00:07:48,368 --> 00:07:52,103
It was Prudence Merlizabeth
Hardmeat-Buttswallow.
179
00:07:55,609 --> 00:07:57,576
You know what?
180
00:07:57,578 --> 00:07:59,277
Good choice.
181
00:08:00,981 --> 00:08:02,180
That's the stuff
we would have learned
182
00:08:02,182 --> 00:08:03,381
if we spent
our second date
183
00:08:03,383 --> 00:08:04,783
doing hand stuff
in a movie theater
184
00:08:04,785 --> 00:08:06,551
instead of getting
married in Vegas.
185
00:08:08,155 --> 00:08:09,354
All right,
I'm gonna handle this.
186
00:08:09,356 --> 00:08:10,856
I'm gonna get
in his face.
187
00:08:10,858 --> 00:08:12,390
I'm gonna make him sign
those divorce papers,
188
00:08:12,392 --> 00:08:14,359
and I'm gonna put him on
the next plane out of here.
189
00:08:14,361 --> 00:08:15,827
Look, before you go
out there,
190
00:08:15,829 --> 00:08:17,429
just know
he's a bit shifty.
191
00:08:17,431 --> 00:08:19,030
He got kicked out of
the Splitwick Cricket Club
192
00:08:19,032 --> 00:08:21,500
for using a weighted wicket.
193
00:08:22,936 --> 00:08:25,136
Okay, I heard "shifty."
194
00:08:26,106 --> 00:08:28,039
And I can handle him.
195
00:08:28,041 --> 00:08:30,108
Let's hope
he can handle me.
196
00:08:31,278 --> 00:08:33,912
That bent my fingernail
all the way back.
197
00:08:34,882 --> 00:08:37,282
Don't!
198
00:08:37,284 --> 00:08:38,583
All right, Martin,
we need to talk.
199
00:08:38,585 --> 00:08:40,619
Actually, I need to talk,
you need to listen.
200
00:08:40,621 --> 00:08:42,220
Or there's a third option--
we could both talk
201
00:08:42,222 --> 00:08:43,955
at the same time
and see who listens to what.
202
00:08:43,957 --> 00:08:44,523
What?
What?
203
00:08:48,395 --> 00:08:51,296
See? That got us nowhere.
So let me start.
204
00:08:51,298 --> 00:08:53,131
Pretty curious,
isn't it,
205
00:08:53,133 --> 00:08:54,900
that your wife
never told you about me.
206
00:08:54,902 --> 00:08:56,167
First of all,
she's my wife.
207
00:08:56,169 --> 00:08:57,569
That's what I said,
"She's my wife."
208
00:08:57,571 --> 00:08:59,037
So that's settled.
209
00:09:00,507 --> 00:09:02,374
No, it's not settled.
Prudence signed those
210
00:09:02,376 --> 00:09:05,677
divorce papers a long time ago,
and you should've, too.
211
00:09:05,679 --> 00:09:08,980
I let Prudence go once,
and now that I've found her,
212
00:09:08,982 --> 00:09:13,385
I am never
letting her go again.
213
00:09:16,623 --> 00:09:18,957
Now, you go!
214
00:09:20,060 --> 00:09:22,160
Oh, I'll go.
You're gonna sign those papers
215
00:09:22,162 --> 00:09:23,528
or I'm gonna kick your ass.
216
00:09:23,530 --> 00:09:27,365
Ooh, bad boy come
to rough me up, eh?
217
00:09:29,069 --> 00:09:31,436
This'll be fun.
You hit me, I hit you.
218
00:09:31,438 --> 00:09:34,172
You hit me, I hit you.
You kick me, I kick you.
219
00:09:34,174 --> 00:09:36,341
Sorry, mate, sorry, mate.
Pint for you, pint for me.
220
00:09:36,343 --> 00:09:38,476
Let's just cut to the end.
First round's on you.
221
00:09:52,426 --> 00:09:55,527
Look, I printed up standard
British divorce papers.
222
00:09:55,529 --> 00:09:58,363
Cost me 15 quid,
whatever that is.
223
00:09:58,365 --> 00:10:00,498
All we gotta do
is get Martin to sign it.
224
00:10:00,500 --> 00:10:02,000
Yeah, good luck
reasoning with the guy.
225
00:10:02,002 --> 00:10:05,070
He'll steal the watch
right off your-- what?!
226
00:10:06,440 --> 00:10:08,440
I left it at home.
227
00:10:10,377 --> 00:10:13,445
Dude's in a drinking contest
with himself...
228
00:10:19,252 --> 00:10:22,487
...and he's gonna win.
229
00:10:22,489 --> 00:10:24,856
Look, that's why you guys
are all here, okay?
230
00:10:24,858 --> 00:10:27,492
To create a festive atmosphere,
so he gets so drunk,
231
00:10:27,494 --> 00:10:29,060
he doesn't even know
what he's signing.
232
00:10:29,062 --> 00:10:30,528
Yes, but when it comes
to drinking,
233
00:10:30,530 --> 00:10:32,297
no one can
keep up with him.
234
00:10:32,299 --> 00:10:34,766
He was once told by an angry
mob of football hooligans
235
00:10:34,768 --> 00:10:36,468
to please calm down.
236
00:10:37,904 --> 00:10:39,137
Okay, listen,
I got this.
237
00:10:39,139 --> 00:10:40,372
He doesn't know
that I'm pregnant.
238
00:10:40,374 --> 00:10:41,706
I will go shot
for shot with him.
239
00:10:41,708 --> 00:10:43,308
Even if you weren't
pregnant, your idea
240
00:10:43,310 --> 00:10:45,310
of "raging" is late-night
"House Hunters"
241
00:10:45,312 --> 00:10:46,911
and chardonnay on ice.
242
00:10:46,913 --> 00:10:48,580
'Ello, 'ello!
243
00:10:49,750 --> 00:10:52,751
Pints taste like
a possum's piss over here.
244
00:10:52,753 --> 00:10:54,919
So, we are switching
to whiskey.
245
00:10:54,921 --> 00:10:57,622
Ha-hoo!
To Martin!
246
00:11:03,830 --> 00:11:06,865
Feel that one going down,
don't you?
247
00:11:06,867 --> 00:11:09,067
Yeah...
you do.
248
00:11:11,104 --> 00:11:12,904
Should we throw
another one back?
249
00:11:12,906 --> 00:11:15,674
I like your style.
But hands off, love, I'm taken.
250
00:11:26,553 --> 00:11:28,753
Luke, you're not such
a bad bloke.
251
00:11:28,755 --> 00:11:30,522
Thanks for keeping
the missus warm for me.
252
00:11:30,524 --> 00:11:32,157
I wasn't keeping
her warm for you.
253
00:11:32,159 --> 00:11:33,391
Oh, it's big of you
to admit you're impotent
254
00:11:33,393 --> 00:11:35,126
in front of everyone.
255
00:11:35,128 --> 00:11:37,662
Hey, I can get it up,
I can get it way up!
256
00:11:43,437 --> 00:11:45,070
He can.
257
00:11:54,247 --> 00:11:55,613
Okay, I think
he's drunk enough.
258
00:11:55,615 --> 00:11:58,083
He just exposed himself
to our neighbor's dog.
259
00:11:59,152 --> 00:12:01,352
Poor Coco.
260
00:12:01,354 --> 00:12:02,787
Look, sit him
on the couch.
261
00:12:02,789 --> 00:12:04,923
I'll grab a pen and trick him
into signing the papers.
262
00:12:14,501 --> 00:12:17,569
Hey! Hey, Pru Pru,
don't be shy.
263
00:12:17,571 --> 00:12:20,572
Come over here and let's
reenact our wedding night.
264
00:12:21,508 --> 00:12:23,508
How? You gonna sleep
with my cousin
265
00:12:23,510 --> 00:12:25,877
and then get into an
argument with a post box?
266
00:12:28,582 --> 00:12:31,516
Darling, let's not fight
in front of company.
267
00:12:31,518 --> 00:12:33,084
You're the company,
jackass!
268
00:12:34,554 --> 00:12:36,788
Just piss off,
you bloody bastard!
269
00:12:39,392 --> 00:12:43,394
Oh, and, dude, I saw what
Coco saw, and I got you beat.
270
00:12:50,036 --> 00:12:52,937
I'm starting to think
Prudence doesn't like me.
271
00:12:52,939 --> 00:12:54,339
Which is a pity
272
00:12:54,341 --> 00:12:56,608
'cause she's the only woman
I've ever loved.
273
00:12:56,610 --> 00:12:58,376
Yeah...
274
00:12:58,378 --> 00:13:00,745
Did you want to register
to vote here?
275
00:13:05,118 --> 00:13:07,452
Can I vote for Prudence
to love me?
276
00:13:07,454 --> 00:13:10,789
And less money
for those bloody schools?
277
00:13:10,791 --> 00:13:13,391
Maybe it's time
to move on from Prudence.
278
00:13:13,393 --> 00:13:15,927
I mean, you're a...
catch.
279
00:13:18,398 --> 00:13:20,598
Nah, I'm--
Am I?
280
00:13:22,068 --> 00:13:24,569
Do tell.
281
00:13:24,571 --> 00:13:27,405
Okay, um...
well, you're tall.
282
00:13:27,407 --> 00:13:31,509
Hmm.
And let's say, handsome.
283
00:13:31,511 --> 00:13:34,078
Aren't you
my angel tonight?
284
00:13:34,080 --> 00:13:35,413
Look, I'll be whatever
you want if you just
285
00:13:35,415 --> 00:13:37,348
sign these divorce papers.
286
00:13:39,586 --> 00:13:41,786
I've always been
suspicious of women.
287
00:13:43,523 --> 00:13:45,623
Like they're using me
for something.
288
00:13:45,625 --> 00:13:47,225
But not a little
something-something,
289
00:13:47,227 --> 00:13:49,861
if you know
what I'm-- sex.
290
00:13:52,265 --> 00:13:55,433
Oh, not gonna use you
for that, nope.
291
00:13:55,435 --> 00:13:58,436
But I'm sure a lot of women
would be lucky to have you.
292
00:13:58,438 --> 00:14:02,040
Like you?
Oh, boy.
293
00:14:02,042 --> 00:14:03,374
'Cause I've had
my eye on you
294
00:14:03,376 --> 00:14:05,910
since you paid for
my flight out here.
295
00:14:07,347 --> 00:14:09,547
Is it...
mutual?
296
00:14:16,389 --> 00:14:18,556
I don't know.
I, uh...
297
00:14:18,558 --> 00:14:20,124
I can't really
commit to someone
298
00:14:20,126 --> 00:14:22,026
until I see their...
signature.
299
00:14:22,028 --> 00:14:24,829
You kinky devil.
300
00:14:26,366 --> 00:14:28,499
You're about to.
Okay.
301
00:14:32,772 --> 00:14:33,872
Hmm?
302
00:14:47,153 --> 00:14:48,453
What do you mean
you didn't get him
303
00:14:48,455 --> 00:14:50,054
to sign the divorce papers
last night?
304
00:14:50,056 --> 00:14:52,056
Actually, I think
Martin's moved on.
305
00:14:52,058 --> 00:14:53,258
On to what?
306
00:14:53,260 --> 00:14:56,227
'Ello, love!
Oh.
307
00:14:56,229 --> 00:14:58,263
Mwah.
308
00:15:04,938 --> 00:15:06,437
Be a dear...
309
00:15:06,439 --> 00:15:09,374
whip up some breakfast for me
while I powder my peter.
310
00:15:10,343 --> 00:15:14,646
Sorry, Pruze.
You snooze, you lose!
311
00:15:20,186 --> 00:15:21,753
¶¶
312
00:15:21,755 --> 00:15:23,922
I was just trying to encourage
Martin to move on.
313
00:15:23,924 --> 00:15:26,624
Luckily, he passed out
before he could move onto me.
314
00:15:29,029 --> 00:15:31,296
Actually, this might
work for us.
315
00:15:31,298 --> 00:15:32,830
He's not into
Prudence anymore,
316
00:15:32,832 --> 00:15:35,867
so all you have to do
is pretend to be straight,
317
00:15:35,869 --> 00:15:38,503
lead him on until
he signs the papers.
318
00:15:40,373 --> 00:15:41,973
Just a little bit
of flirting.
319
00:15:41,975 --> 00:15:43,841
Second base, max.
320
00:15:45,245 --> 00:15:48,313
Luke, ew, no!
That is not my wheelhouse!
321
00:15:48,315 --> 00:15:49,847
Uhh!
322
00:15:49,849 --> 00:15:51,816
Lizzy, if I'm not
divorced and re-married
323
00:15:51,818 --> 00:15:53,718
in four days,
I'm gone.
324
00:15:53,720 --> 00:15:55,286
You gotta take one
for the team.
325
00:15:55,288 --> 00:15:57,422
I don't
play for that team!
326
00:15:59,592 --> 00:16:02,593
Okay, you don't have to play,
just show up to practice.
327
00:16:04,397 --> 00:16:06,197
Ah, all cleaned up.
328
00:16:06,199 --> 00:16:09,600
I, uh, improvised a bidet
in there-- hope that's okay.
329
00:16:11,137 --> 00:16:13,571
Last night was fun, eh?
Whoo-hoo!
330
00:16:13,573 --> 00:16:16,741
All I can remember
is this one calling me handsome
331
00:16:16,743 --> 00:16:20,778
and then, uh, things
got a little hazy.
332
00:16:20,780 --> 00:16:22,580
Did we...
333
00:16:22,582 --> 00:16:26,117
Yeah, Lizzy,
did you...
334
00:16:27,287 --> 00:16:29,420
Yeah, um...
335
00:16:29,422 --> 00:16:31,489
We had...
336
00:16:31,491 --> 00:16:33,658
boy-girl sex.
337
00:16:35,962 --> 00:16:39,664
And it was the best
boy-girl sex I've ever had.
338
00:16:40,700 --> 00:16:42,800
Ooh, that's
gotta sting, Pru.
339
00:16:42,802 --> 00:16:46,070
Remember when we had
boy-girl sex?
340
00:16:48,508 --> 00:16:50,608
I just don't think
I can be with you again
341
00:16:50,610 --> 00:16:52,810
in a heterosexual way...
342
00:16:54,447 --> 00:16:56,981
as long as you're still
married to Prudence.
343
00:16:58,785 --> 00:17:00,852
Sorry, Pru,
but I always thought
344
00:17:00,854 --> 00:17:03,988
I could do better
than you, anyway.
345
00:17:03,990 --> 00:17:07,125
I'm about to slap the accent
right out your mouth.
346
00:17:09,362 --> 00:17:11,129
I never loved you,
Martin.
347
00:17:11,131 --> 00:17:12,463
I was only
using you to get out
348
00:17:12,465 --> 00:17:14,465
of a bad situation
at home.
349
00:17:14,467 --> 00:17:15,666
Why else would
I marry you after only
350
00:17:15,668 --> 00:17:17,735
knowing you
for three days?
351
00:17:19,706 --> 00:17:21,806
That's just
the jealousy talking.
352
00:17:21,808 --> 00:17:24,709
Hey, Lizzy, fancy another
British invasion?
353
00:17:27,313 --> 00:17:29,547
I don't think so,
Marty.
354
00:17:29,549 --> 00:17:33,017
'Cause you just divorced
your wife for a lesbian!
355
00:17:33,019 --> 00:17:34,719
Boom!
356
00:17:38,658 --> 00:17:42,527
Wait, so what
I'm hearing is...
357
00:17:42,529 --> 00:17:45,029
I bagged me a lesbian?!
358
00:17:47,500 --> 00:17:49,500
That is quite a coup.
359
00:17:49,502 --> 00:17:51,035
I gotta go call me mates!
360
00:17:51,037 --> 00:17:52,670
No!
361
00:17:52,672 --> 00:17:54,672
No, that's not
what I'm saying!
362
00:17:54,674 --> 00:17:56,774
There was no invasion!
363
00:17:59,145 --> 00:18:02,713
Oh, my God, I'm divorced!
I'm so relieved.
364
00:18:06,119 --> 00:18:07,885
Are you all right?
365
00:18:07,887 --> 00:18:10,755
We also got married
after a couple days.
366
00:18:12,158 --> 00:18:14,892
Were you using me to get out
of a bad situation?
367
00:18:16,563 --> 00:18:20,164
Yeah, I know, totally gay.
368
00:18:20,166 --> 00:18:22,867
Well, not anymore.
369
00:18:22,869 --> 00:18:25,703
You wanna say hi?
No!
370
00:18:25,705 --> 00:18:26,871
All right, talk to you
later, mate.
371
00:18:26,873 --> 00:18:28,473
So, here's what
I'm thinking.
372
00:18:28,475 --> 00:18:30,608
I move in here,
we summer in Splitwick.
373
00:18:30,610 --> 00:18:31,876
I don't have much pride,
so I'm happy
374
00:18:31,878 --> 00:18:34,946
to stay home
while you work.
375
00:18:34,948 --> 00:18:36,647
But I don't clean,
I don't cook,
376
00:18:36,649 --> 00:18:37,882
and I definitely don't want
a bunch of stinky kids
377
00:18:37,884 --> 00:18:39,951
ruining your better bits.
378
00:18:43,323 --> 00:18:45,590
Oh, you--
you don't want kids.
379
00:18:45,592 --> 00:18:46,791
No.
380
00:18:46,793 --> 00:18:48,926
Actually, that's gonna
be a problem,
381
00:18:48,928 --> 00:18:52,830
because last night when
we were doing the... sex....
382
00:18:54,300 --> 00:18:57,468
I'm pretty sure
you got me pregnant.
383
00:18:57,470 --> 00:19:00,204
What?
Oh, no...
384
00:19:04,244 --> 00:19:06,777
I couldn't have put one
up your duff that fast.
385
00:19:08,081 --> 00:19:10,848
I'm just gonna go see
if I have a pregnancy test,
386
00:19:10,850 --> 00:19:13,618
'cause I'm pretty sure I got
some stuff in my duff.
387
00:19:15,421 --> 00:19:16,954
Okay, well, um...
388
00:19:16,956 --> 00:19:19,624
fingers crossed
it's just sour stomach!
389
00:19:20,960 --> 00:19:23,027
Just a bit
of the botty totty.
390
00:19:24,430 --> 00:19:27,031
I'm-- I'm sorry, Prudence,
I don't know what to believe.
391
00:19:27,033 --> 00:19:29,534
First, you lied to me
about ever being married.
392
00:19:29,536 --> 00:19:30,935
And then I find out
393
00:19:30,937 --> 00:19:33,871
you married Voldemort
after three days also!
394
00:19:35,842 --> 00:19:38,709
Our situation
is completely different.
395
00:19:38,711 --> 00:19:41,179
I married you after five!
396
00:19:42,348 --> 00:19:44,248
Oh, two extra days!
397
00:19:44,250 --> 00:19:46,117
Now I feel
like a princess!
398
00:19:47,120 --> 00:19:48,753
Luke, I understand
you're angry.
399
00:19:48,755 --> 00:19:50,188
Just let me explain.
400
00:19:50,190 --> 00:19:52,790
There's nothing to explain.
This is a pattern.
401
00:19:52,792 --> 00:19:54,292
You marry the first
sucker you meet
402
00:19:54,294 --> 00:19:56,160
to solve your problems!
403
00:19:57,730 --> 00:20:00,965
Did you marry me because you
were about to be deported?
404
00:20:00,967 --> 00:20:04,001
Luke, I didn't use you
to stay in the country.
405
00:20:04,003 --> 00:20:07,672
I wanted to stay in the country
so I could be with you.
406
00:20:07,674 --> 00:20:09,640
You know what
we have is real,
407
00:20:09,642 --> 00:20:11,609
and you know that
I love you.
408
00:20:11,611 --> 00:20:15,279
Is exactly what you would say
if you were using somebody.
409
00:20:16,649 --> 00:20:18,182
Luke, please!
410
00:20:18,184 --> 00:20:19,517
You have to believe me.
411
00:20:19,519 --> 00:20:20,885
Actually, I don't.
412
00:20:20,887 --> 00:20:22,920
I just have to get
out of here.
413
00:20:27,126 --> 00:20:29,327
This is a bunch
of measuring spoons.
414
00:20:30,730 --> 00:20:33,698
These are my keys!
415
00:20:37,070 --> 00:20:41,072
Martin, someone's gonna
be a daddy!
416
00:20:43,276 --> 00:20:44,609
Martin?
417
00:20:44,611 --> 00:20:47,712
Wow, that was fast.
418
00:20:48,748 --> 00:20:50,214
Martin's gone!
419
00:20:50,216 --> 00:20:52,383
So is Luke.
What?
420
00:20:52,385 --> 00:20:55,019
He's convinced
I was using him.
421
00:20:55,021 --> 00:20:56,787
He's really upset.
He's just took off.
422
00:20:56,789 --> 00:20:59,023
Where'd he go?
423
00:20:59,025 --> 00:21:02,460
I don't know.
Oh...
424
00:21:03,863 --> 00:21:06,430
So what you're
saying is...
425
00:21:06,432 --> 00:21:08,633
it's just you
and me now.
426
00:21:15,541 --> 00:21:17,808
It's just you and me.
427
00:21:19,345 --> 00:21:21,379
I'm gonna see how far
Martin got-- no?
428
00:21:26,986 --> 00:21:29,120
Anyway...
31183
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