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1
00:00:00,735 --> 00:00:04,069
¶¶
2
00:00:04,071 --> 00:00:05,437
Good morning, roomies.
3
00:00:05,439 --> 00:00:08,907
Thank you for both being
fully clothed today...
4
00:00:08,909 --> 00:00:11,210
so far.
5
00:00:11,212 --> 00:00:13,445
And thank you for not
walking in two minutes ago.
6
00:00:14,715 --> 00:00:17,216
Uck, straight people.
7
00:00:18,552 --> 00:00:21,353
So how you
feeling, Mommy?
Pretty good, Daddy.
8
00:00:21,355 --> 00:00:22,921
Should we never call
each other that again?
9
00:00:22,923 --> 00:00:24,590
Absolutely not.
Yeah.
10
00:00:24,592 --> 00:00:27,059
Lizzy, I know I've only had
a few weeks for it to sink in,
11
00:00:27,061 --> 00:00:28,427
but I still can't believe
12
00:00:28,429 --> 00:00:30,295
you're gonna be
having my hubby's baby.
13
00:00:30,297 --> 00:00:31,597
And I can't believe
someone as hot as you
14
00:00:31,599 --> 00:00:34,533
would marry into
a situation like this.
15
00:00:34,535 --> 00:00:36,535
And I can't believe your
second date was your wedding.
16
00:00:36,537 --> 00:00:39,371
Look at us, we all
can't believe things!
17
00:00:39,373 --> 00:00:42,441
I've made you a nice
English breakfast.
18
00:00:42,443 --> 00:00:44,076
I used to fix this
all the time for my mum
19
00:00:44,078 --> 00:00:45,344
when she was
pregnant with my sisters,
20
00:00:45,346 --> 00:00:47,780
and they all turned out
perfectly healthy...
21
00:00:47,782 --> 00:00:49,381
except for Kathy.
22
00:00:50,584 --> 00:00:52,217
Prudence made you
bangers and mash,
23
00:00:52,219 --> 00:00:54,319
which is food
and not a cop show on USA,
24
00:00:54,321 --> 00:00:55,954
as I originally
thought.
25
00:00:55,956 --> 00:00:58,390
What is this plate?
This isn't my plate.
26
00:00:58,392 --> 00:01:00,793
Who brought in
outside plates?
27
00:01:00,795 --> 00:01:03,362
Calm down, Anal Annie.
28
00:01:03,364 --> 00:01:07,066
Never gonna
say that again either.
29
00:01:07,068 --> 00:01:09,568
That's Prudence's plate--
her stuff finally arrived
from England.
30
00:01:09,570 --> 00:01:12,237
It's official, you can't
get rid of me now.
31
00:01:12,239 --> 00:01:15,374
Right, right,
time will tell.
32
00:01:16,710 --> 00:01:19,445
But I'm sure I can make room
for a couple of plates.
33
00:01:19,447 --> 00:01:20,979
Oh, there's way more
than that in there.
34
00:01:20,981 --> 00:01:22,314
I'll show you.
35
00:01:22,316 --> 00:01:23,582
If we can get
this door open.
36
00:01:30,157 --> 00:01:32,224
Wow, this is not--
37
00:01:32,226 --> 00:01:35,227
I am not...
handling this well.
38
00:01:35,229 --> 00:01:37,663
Relax, I know it looks
like a lot of boxes.
39
00:01:37,665 --> 00:01:39,865
But who's counting?
40
00:01:39,867 --> 00:01:42,234
I am... there's 39!
41
00:01:42,236 --> 00:01:45,104
These boxes
aren't even labeled.
42
00:01:45,106 --> 00:01:46,872
Don't they have Sharpies
where you come from
43
00:01:46,874 --> 00:01:49,475
in Candy Land or Hogwarts?
44
00:01:49,477 --> 00:01:52,377
I'm from a small village
called Splitwick.
45
00:01:52,379 --> 00:01:54,480
It's just east
of Dungle Boon Heath.
46
00:01:55,516 --> 00:01:56,882
And I don't
need labels.
47
00:01:56,884 --> 00:01:59,284
Look, this one's got all
my jumpers and trainers.
48
00:01:59,286 --> 00:02:01,186
Oh, this one's got
my kitchen bits.
49
00:02:01,188 --> 00:02:03,789
None of those
are real things.
50
00:02:03,791 --> 00:02:04,890
Oh, look!
51
00:02:04,892 --> 00:02:06,091
It's my granny's
cock!
52
00:02:06,093 --> 00:02:08,260
What's that?
What?
53
00:02:08,262 --> 00:02:11,730
She meant rooster.
Thank God.
54
00:02:11,732 --> 00:02:15,234
This cock has been in
my family for over 100 years.
55
00:02:16,403 --> 00:02:18,770
I need to find
a special place to stick it.
56
00:02:19,940 --> 00:02:22,875
Can you please tell her
to say "rooster"?
57
00:02:24,078 --> 00:02:25,844
Nope.
58
00:02:25,846 --> 00:02:31,250
¶ Ooh ooh ooh ooh ooh
ooh ooh ooh ooh ooh ¶¶
59
00:02:31,252 --> 00:02:32,684
So what are we thinking?
60
00:02:32,686 --> 00:02:34,153
Dig right in,
be done by lunch,
61
00:02:34,155 --> 00:02:35,954
or straight
to the Dumpster?
62
00:02:35,956 --> 00:02:38,423
Hey, remember,
she's my wife.
63
00:02:38,425 --> 00:02:39,558
And you're the one
who insisted
64
00:02:39,560 --> 00:02:40,959
that we all
live together,
65
00:02:40,961 --> 00:02:43,562
'cause you're a great friend
and a great roommate.
66
00:02:43,564 --> 00:02:45,764
I guess I have
been pretty great.
67
00:02:47,234 --> 00:02:50,002
I don't know
if I would say hero.
68
00:02:50,004 --> 00:02:52,704
No one did.
69
00:02:52,706 --> 00:02:55,707
So I guess I will
continue to be awesome
70
00:02:55,709 --> 00:02:58,577
and generously open my home
to all of your stuff.
71
00:02:58,579 --> 00:02:59,578
Great!
72
00:02:59,580 --> 00:03:00,812
Oh, how about I take
the big hall closet?
73
00:03:00,814 --> 00:03:03,682
How about you
shut your mouth?
No--
74
00:03:03,684 --> 00:03:05,918
Sorry.
75
00:03:05,920 --> 00:03:07,920
Is that closet special?
76
00:03:07,922 --> 00:03:11,056
Is it the one
you came out of?
77
00:03:11,058 --> 00:03:12,591
Yeah.
78
00:03:12,593 --> 00:03:14,927
There's one closet
for everybody...
79
00:03:14,929 --> 00:03:17,596
and it's here.
80
00:03:17,598 --> 00:03:20,632
That closet is where she keeps
her ex-girlfriend Erica's stuff,
81
00:03:20,634 --> 00:03:22,334
even though she
moved out three years ago.
82
00:03:22,336 --> 00:03:24,603
Lesbians move in quick,
83
00:03:24,605 --> 00:03:27,172
but they get over
each other real slow.
84
00:03:27,174 --> 00:03:28,941
Wow!
85
00:03:28,943 --> 00:03:31,777
Three years and you still
have your ex's things?
86
00:03:31,779 --> 00:03:35,047
Lizzy, I knew you
were uptight and OCD
87
00:03:35,049 --> 00:03:37,349
and often humorless.
88
00:03:37,351 --> 00:03:39,851
I didn't realize
you were such an avoider.
89
00:03:39,853 --> 00:03:41,253
What? I'm--
you--
90
00:03:41,255 --> 00:03:42,721
No, I am not an avoider.
91
00:03:42,723 --> 00:03:46,491
I would just rather talk
about a more pressing issue.
92
00:03:46,493 --> 00:03:48,760
Like, how about
those super volcanoes?
93
00:03:48,762 --> 00:03:52,364
One of those mothers goes off,
none of this means nothin'.
94
00:03:52,366 --> 00:03:53,765
Look, Prudence is right.
95
00:03:53,767 --> 00:03:55,701
You've been avoiding this
for a long time.
96
00:03:55,703 --> 00:03:58,237
I tried to tell you,
your sister tried to tell you,
97
00:03:58,239 --> 00:04:01,306
every therapist you fired
tried to tell you.
98
00:04:01,308 --> 00:04:03,342
It's time to let go
of Erica's stuff.
99
00:04:03,344 --> 00:04:05,244
She broke up with you
on your birthday,
100
00:04:05,246 --> 00:04:07,246
then hooked up with
your Pilates instructor.
101
00:04:07,248 --> 00:04:08,513
In Erica's defense,
she did say
102
00:04:08,515 --> 00:04:11,817
she forgot
it was my birthday.
103
00:04:11,819 --> 00:04:13,685
Lizzy, enough already,
get over her.
104
00:04:13,687 --> 00:04:15,954
Oh, my God, thank you.
"Get over her."
105
00:04:15,956 --> 00:04:18,357
That is the best advice
I've heard since my dad
told me,
106
00:04:18,359 --> 00:04:21,460
"Just be straight."
107
00:04:21,462 --> 00:04:23,528
You should know
more than anyone
108
00:04:23,530 --> 00:04:25,530
that this isn't easy--
I loved her.
109
00:04:25,532 --> 00:04:27,266
Lizzy, you poor thing.
110
00:04:27,268 --> 00:04:29,668
No.
I'm so sorry.
111
00:04:29,670 --> 00:04:32,137
Do you know what?
I'm gonna help you
get over Erica.
112
00:04:32,139 --> 00:04:34,106
There's a reason
I came into your life.
113
00:04:34,108 --> 00:04:37,442
Me meeting Luke, marrying him,
all my things arriving.
114
00:04:37,444 --> 00:04:39,511
It's all part of your path.
115
00:04:39,513 --> 00:04:44,449
There is a lot of you
on my "pahth."
116
00:04:44,451 --> 00:04:46,785
I know...
you got lucky.
117
00:04:48,822 --> 00:04:50,956
And we are gonna
get through this together!
118
00:04:50,958 --> 00:04:53,392
Ugh, okay, fine,
I will clean out the closet!
119
00:04:53,394 --> 00:04:54,693
You guys were right.
120
00:04:54,695 --> 00:04:56,395
You know, it's time that
I start to deal with--
121
00:04:56,397 --> 00:04:58,897
See you later,
suckers!
122
00:05:03,003 --> 00:05:04,836
¶¶
123
00:05:04,838 --> 00:05:07,939
I know I was a tad bit resistant
to deal with the closet.
124
00:05:07,941 --> 00:05:09,508
I had to chase you
through a quinceanera
125
00:05:09,510 --> 00:05:11,143
in a park,
and you bit me.
126
00:05:12,780 --> 00:05:14,479
You know what's crazy?
127
00:05:14,481 --> 00:05:17,316
I don't remember
any of that.
128
00:05:17,318 --> 00:05:19,718
And I don't even know
why I avoided doing this.
129
00:05:19,720 --> 00:05:21,553
Feels good to
let this stuff go.
130
00:05:21,555 --> 00:05:23,689
Prudence was right...
say it.
131
00:05:23,691 --> 00:05:26,658
I'm cleaning out the closet,
don't push me.
132
00:05:26,660 --> 00:05:29,761
But this does feel good!
Yeah!
133
00:05:29,763 --> 00:05:33,131
It's gonna feel even better
when we set it on fire.
Yes!
134
00:05:33,133 --> 00:05:35,701
Oh, my God! Guess what
I just found in box 17.
135
00:05:35,703 --> 00:05:37,569
Oh, thanks for
labeling those, Lizzy.
136
00:05:38,772 --> 00:05:41,139
Luke, did I ever
tell you about the spring
137
00:05:41,141 --> 00:05:42,974
when I was hospital
puppeteer in Prague?
138
00:05:42,976 --> 00:05:45,510
He doesn't even know
your middle name.
139
00:05:45,512 --> 00:05:48,080
I do, it's...
140
00:05:48,082 --> 00:05:50,215
Mer... lizabeth?
141
00:05:50,217 --> 00:05:52,484
You remembered!
142
00:05:52,486 --> 00:05:53,752
Well,
at the hospital,
143
00:05:53,754 --> 00:05:55,587
I used to put on shows
for all the children.
144
00:05:55,589 --> 00:05:56,788
Well, if it's anything
like the show
145
00:05:56,790 --> 00:05:57,989
you gave me last night,
146
00:05:57,991 --> 00:06:00,926
those are some
lucky, lucky kids.
147
00:06:00,928 --> 00:06:03,628
Actually,
they were quite sick.
148
00:06:03,630 --> 00:06:05,497
But I always used
to cheer them up with...
149
00:06:05,499 --> 00:06:08,033
¶¶
150
00:06:09,136 --> 00:06:10,268
What...
151
00:06:10,270 --> 00:06:12,070
Whoa!
152
00:06:13,774 --> 00:06:16,375
Dr. Charlie
and Miroslava!
153
00:06:17,644 --> 00:06:19,678
These are like
my little wooden babies.
154
00:06:19,680 --> 00:06:21,580
Let me see if I can
still do their voices.
155
00:06:21,582 --> 00:06:23,515
Oh, this keeps
getting better.
156
00:06:23,517 --> 00:06:24,850
Well-done, Lizzy,
157
00:06:24,852 --> 00:06:28,053
for washing that lesbian
right out of your hair.
158
00:06:28,055 --> 00:06:31,556
Chin up, you'll meet
someone someday.
159
00:06:31,558 --> 00:06:34,860
Yeah, smile more maybe.
160
00:06:34,862 --> 00:06:36,628
The puppets are
probably very jetlagged.
161
00:06:36,630 --> 00:06:38,663
Why don't we find them
a nice place to rest?
162
00:06:38,665 --> 00:06:40,332
I'll find somewhere
really special to put them.
163
00:06:42,102 --> 00:06:44,569
And an issue
arises for you.
164
00:06:44,571 --> 00:06:47,372
Ah...
there's no issue.
165
00:06:47,374 --> 00:06:48,940
Oh, so marionettes are not
166
00:06:48,942 --> 00:06:50,909
the one thing in life that
freaks you out the most?
167
00:06:50,911 --> 00:06:54,546
What? No, I mean, maybe
when we were, like, kids.
168
00:06:54,548 --> 00:06:56,148
But also, last year,
169
00:06:56,150 --> 00:06:58,250
I do recall a little
peeing of the pants
170
00:06:58,252 --> 00:07:00,285
when one scared you
at the farmers market.
171
00:07:00,287 --> 00:07:01,753
You don't expect it.
172
00:07:01,755 --> 00:07:03,522
I was looking for a ripe
avocado, they should warn you--
173
00:07:03,524 --> 00:07:06,124
puppet parade,
Sundays at 2:00!
174
00:07:06,126 --> 00:07:08,593
So you're not gonna be honest
with your wife about this?
175
00:07:08,595 --> 00:07:10,495
No, because it's fine.
176
00:07:10,497 --> 00:07:13,131
Lizzy, I've been
thinking about it,
177
00:07:13,133 --> 00:07:15,967
and you need to return
Erica's things to her in person.
178
00:07:15,969 --> 00:07:17,936
Noo, n-n-no.
179
00:07:17,938 --> 00:07:20,405
Baby, you weren't here
during the Erica years.
180
00:07:20,407 --> 00:07:23,141
Lizzy is strong, but this
girl's like her kryptonite,
181
00:07:23,143 --> 00:07:26,111
you know, if kryptonite
had perky B-cups.
182
00:07:26,113 --> 00:07:27,746
Yeah, but if she
sticks with my plan,
183
00:07:27,748 --> 00:07:29,815
she'll be done
with Erica for good.
184
00:07:29,817 --> 00:07:31,483
Here's what you do.
185
00:07:31,485 --> 00:07:32,884
Do you have a pen?
No.
186
00:07:32,886 --> 00:07:35,387
Okay, write this down.
187
00:07:35,389 --> 00:07:36,788
You pick
a neutral location,
188
00:07:36,790 --> 00:07:38,723
somewhere you've
never been together,
189
00:07:38,725 --> 00:07:40,258
don't dress
like a scarecrow,
190
00:07:40,260 --> 00:07:42,627
and you tell her
there's no room for her
191
00:07:42,629 --> 00:07:44,463
in your closet
or your life.
192
00:07:44,465 --> 00:07:46,131
Then you get up
and just walk away.
193
00:07:46,133 --> 00:07:47,966
Lizzy, trust me.
194
00:07:47,968 --> 00:07:50,302
My plan will finally
give you closure.
195
00:07:50,304 --> 00:07:53,472
If you won't hear it from me,
I'll get Miroslava.
196
00:07:53,474 --> 00:07:55,507
No!
197
00:07:55,509 --> 00:07:57,108
Lizzy, you can't
see Erica.
198
00:07:57,110 --> 00:07:58,577
You know what
she does to you.
199
00:07:58,579 --> 00:08:00,946
She plies you with
compliments, sucks you in,
200
00:08:00,948 --> 00:08:04,683
you forget the fact that
she's a human bag of turds.
201
00:08:04,685 --> 00:08:07,319
You're right,
you're right.
202
00:08:07,321 --> 00:08:10,922
And, Prudence, your plan
was kind of enticing
203
00:08:10,924 --> 00:08:13,725
when it wasn't
super insulting.
204
00:08:13,727 --> 00:08:17,095
But Luke does know me better,
and I'm not going to see Erica.
205
00:08:17,097 --> 00:08:19,064
'Cause that'd be
really stupid.
206
00:08:19,066 --> 00:08:20,232
So stupid.
207
00:08:20,234 --> 00:08:21,733
Erica, hi.
208
00:08:21,735 --> 00:08:25,003
Thank you for meeting me
at this neutral location.
209
00:08:25,005 --> 00:08:28,006
This is where we first
said we loved each other.
210
00:08:29,409 --> 00:08:31,843
Damn it!
211
00:08:38,986 --> 00:08:43,855
I know that's just the air
conditioning making you move.
212
00:08:45,759 --> 00:08:50,028
I'm okay, I'm okay,
I'm okay, I'm okay,
I'm okay.
213
00:08:50,030 --> 00:08:51,596
So listen, Erica,
here's the plan.
214
00:08:51,598 --> 00:08:54,132
I got your stuff in my trunk
and I'm here to return it to you
215
00:08:54,134 --> 00:08:56,067
because I am on
a different "pahth."
216
00:08:56,069 --> 00:08:58,837
Path. Path.
217
00:08:58,839 --> 00:09:00,839
Honestly, I didn't hear
anything you just said.
218
00:09:00,841 --> 00:09:03,909
Is it possible
you got more beautiful?
219
00:09:06,079 --> 00:09:09,714
I guess it
is possible... heh.
220
00:09:09,716 --> 00:09:11,049
But, no!
No, no, no.
221
00:09:11,051 --> 00:09:13,251
I know what you're doing
and I'm not--
222
00:09:13,253 --> 00:09:15,854
No, missy.
223
00:09:15,856 --> 00:09:20,525
Okay, I'm just saying,
you look... really good.
224
00:09:20,527 --> 00:09:21,893
Do I look all right?
225
00:09:21,895 --> 00:09:25,797
Yeah, you look good,
you look really, really good.
226
00:09:25,799 --> 00:09:27,332
What are we doing?
227
00:09:27,334 --> 00:09:28,900
Let's just go back
to my place.
228
00:09:28,902 --> 00:09:30,669
I got you that chardonnay
you really like.
229
00:09:30,671 --> 00:09:33,572
The one with the little pig
in the tuxedo on the label.
230
00:09:33,574 --> 00:09:36,775
I do love black-tie pig.
231
00:09:36,777 --> 00:09:38,310
But look...
232
00:09:38,312 --> 00:09:40,612
I'm-- I'm in
a different place, okay?
233
00:09:40,614 --> 00:09:42,147
Some big changes.
234
00:09:42,149 --> 00:09:43,882
Turns out gluten
wasn't the problem.
235
00:09:43,884 --> 00:09:46,017
It was dairy.
236
00:09:46,019 --> 00:09:47,886
And possibly
a bigger headline
237
00:09:47,888 --> 00:09:49,788
is that Luke and I
are having a baby.
238
00:09:49,790 --> 00:09:51,389
You're pregnant?
239
00:09:53,527 --> 00:09:57,495
My biggest headline
was my new smoothie recipe.
240
00:09:57,497 --> 00:09:59,731
Wow, a baby.
241
00:09:59,733 --> 00:10:01,366
I'm happy for you.
242
00:10:01,368 --> 00:10:04,869
That was always something
we talked about doing together.
243
00:10:04,871 --> 00:10:07,372
Yeah, well, it's kinda
hard to do it together
244
00:10:07,374 --> 00:10:09,441
when you're not together.
245
00:10:09,443 --> 00:10:10,875
And I've moved on.
246
00:10:10,877 --> 00:10:13,511
Then what are
you doing here?
247
00:10:13,513 --> 00:10:17,048
I...
248
00:10:17,050 --> 00:10:19,718
came to return your stuff.
Ohh.
249
00:10:19,720 --> 00:10:23,488
And tell you about
the whole dairy thing.
250
00:10:23,490 --> 00:10:25,924
And now I am...
251
00:10:25,926 --> 00:10:29,861
standing up...
and I am walking away.
252
00:10:29,863 --> 00:10:31,329
Okay.
253
00:10:33,133 --> 00:10:34,566
Good-bye.
254
00:10:43,944 --> 00:10:45,844
What do you mean
you saw Erica last night?
255
00:10:45,846 --> 00:10:49,447
We said it would be stupid
to see her again, stupid!
256
00:10:49,449 --> 00:10:51,182
I know!
257
00:10:51,184 --> 00:10:53,318
But then I did
and we got to talking,
258
00:10:53,320 --> 00:10:54,519
and, you know,
we're lesbians.
259
00:10:54,521 --> 00:10:56,855
Even in a breakup,
we're chatty.
260
00:10:57,924 --> 00:10:59,257
But it wasn't
a big deal.
261
00:10:59,259 --> 00:11:02,093
Lizzy,
I'm so proud of you!
262
00:11:02,095 --> 00:11:05,563
You followed my plan
and now you've got closure.
263
00:11:05,565 --> 00:11:09,134
Is that a bug bite
on your neck?
264
00:11:09,136 --> 00:11:11,336
No!
265
00:11:11,338 --> 00:11:14,239
It's a hickey!
266
00:11:14,241 --> 00:11:15,707
You made out with her?
267
00:11:15,709 --> 00:11:18,843
Just a little, like you do
when you say good-bye.
268
00:11:18,845 --> 00:11:20,245
What?
269
00:11:20,247 --> 00:11:22,180
That was not
part of my plan.
270
00:11:22,182 --> 00:11:25,150
You see what happens when
you don't write things down?
271
00:11:25,152 --> 00:11:26,384
So that's it?
272
00:11:26,386 --> 00:11:27,852
She just walked you
to your car,
273
00:11:27,854 --> 00:11:29,521
you didn't make out a little
more and you didn't say,
274
00:11:29,523 --> 00:11:32,924
"You smell good, you smell
really, really good."
275
00:11:32,926 --> 00:11:35,894
I can't help it
if she smells good!
276
00:11:35,896 --> 00:11:37,729
Okay, but then after that,
did you at least, like,
277
00:11:37,731 --> 00:11:40,498
give her her stuff back
and walk away with
your head held high?
278
00:11:40,500 --> 00:11:43,535
I mean, I don't know
if I would say that...
279
00:11:43,537 --> 00:11:46,938
I knew I should've
burned Erica's stuff
when I had the chance.
280
00:11:46,940 --> 00:11:49,107
Lizzy has no backbone
when it comes to her.
281
00:11:49,109 --> 00:11:50,542
Come on, yes, I do.
282
00:11:50,544 --> 00:11:52,043
When are you gonna
see her again?
Tonight.
283
00:11:52,045 --> 00:11:54,212
She's coming over,
I'm making her dinner.
284
00:11:55,515 --> 00:11:58,817
Oh, that's
gonna show her!
285
00:11:58,819 --> 00:12:02,721
Oh, no, I think I may have
led her down the wrong path.
286
00:12:02,723 --> 00:12:04,589
I haven't misjudged
a situation this badly
287
00:12:04,591 --> 00:12:08,126
since I let Kathy swim
in the ocean by herself.
288
00:12:08,128 --> 00:12:10,028
And you know what?
289
00:12:10,030 --> 00:12:12,397
I don't need your approval
or your permission, okay?
290
00:12:12,399 --> 00:12:13,832
Erica's changed.
291
00:12:13,834 --> 00:12:15,500
She was sweet and caring
292
00:12:15,502 --> 00:12:17,202
and so supportive
about the baby.
293
00:12:17,204 --> 00:12:19,871
And she gave me
a new smoothie recipe.
294
00:12:19,873 --> 00:12:22,240
You might not need
my approval,
295
00:12:22,242 --> 00:12:24,309
but this is my house
and I don't want her in here.
296
00:12:24,311 --> 00:12:27,812
This is our house and you don't
get to decide who's in my life!
297
00:12:28,982 --> 00:12:31,416
Do you know what
the definition of insanity is?
298
00:12:31,418 --> 00:12:32,851
I forget,
299
00:12:32,853 --> 00:12:35,687
but I'm pretty sure it's
what you're doing right now.
300
00:12:35,689 --> 00:12:37,689
Look, I was happy
to avoid the closet.
301
00:12:37,691 --> 00:12:38,857
You guys are the ones
that wanted me
302
00:12:38,859 --> 00:12:40,492
to deal
with Erica's stuff.
303
00:12:40,494 --> 00:12:42,927
And it's not like you don't
know anything about avoidance.
304
00:12:42,929 --> 00:12:45,296
How you doing with
those marionettes?
305
00:12:45,298 --> 00:12:48,466
Do not avoid this
conversation about avoidance
306
00:12:48,468 --> 00:12:50,001
by talking about
my avoidance!
307
00:12:50,003 --> 00:12:51,469
This is completely different,
308
00:12:51,471 --> 00:12:53,772
and I'm dealing
with the puppets!
309
00:12:53,774 --> 00:12:57,008
By sneaking out of your bedroom
and sleeping on my floor
in a fetal position?
310
00:12:57,010 --> 00:13:00,245
"I'm okay, I'm okay."
You are not okay!
311
00:13:00,247 --> 00:13:02,113
Well, at least I'm not getting
played like a puppet,
312
00:13:02,115 --> 00:13:05,517
and not a good one,
'cause I see your lips movin'.
313
00:13:05,519 --> 00:13:07,452
That's a ventriloquist,
you dummy!
314
00:13:07,454 --> 00:13:10,155
I'm not the dummy, you're
the one making the huge mistake.
315
00:13:10,157 --> 00:13:13,258
But it's your life, and so when
she breaks your heart again,
316
00:13:13,260 --> 00:13:14,959
do not come crying to me.
317
00:13:14,961 --> 00:13:18,863
Well, don't come crying to me
when I don't come crying to you!
318
00:13:23,703 --> 00:13:24,903
Great.
319
00:13:24,905 --> 00:13:27,338
Right about now,
the Lucifer of lesbians
320
00:13:27,340 --> 00:13:28,773
is sitting in my living room,
321
00:13:28,775 --> 00:13:33,011
worming her way back into
Lizzy's stupid, stupid life.
322
00:13:33,013 --> 00:13:34,879
Look, man, you did
what you could.
323
00:13:34,881 --> 00:13:36,247
Let's look
at the positives.
324
00:13:36,249 --> 00:13:37,782
You married
a beautiful lady.
Mm-hmm.
325
00:13:37,784 --> 00:13:39,551
You got another
one pregnant.
Yeah.
326
00:13:39,553 --> 00:13:42,387
And you're the
second-handsomest man
at this bowling alley.
327
00:13:43,924 --> 00:13:47,091
Marcus, uh, let me
ask you something.
328
00:13:47,093 --> 00:13:50,495
Do you have any
irrational fears?
329
00:13:50,497 --> 00:13:51,863
Not really.
330
00:13:51,865 --> 00:13:55,233
Just clowns, birds,
nuns, rain, elves.
331
00:13:56,503 --> 00:13:59,204
Nothin' to be ashamed of.
Why, what's going on?
332
00:13:59,206 --> 00:14:02,440
Prudence has
these marionettes, uh...
333
00:14:02,442 --> 00:14:03,875
and they're freaky.
334
00:14:03,877 --> 00:14:07,412
It's like they got something
going on behind the eyes.
335
00:14:08,648 --> 00:14:09,914
You know what?
336
00:14:09,916 --> 00:14:11,416
This is ridiculous,
I'm just gonna tell her.
337
00:14:11,418 --> 00:14:13,351
That you're scared
of puppets?
Yeah.
338
00:14:13,353 --> 00:14:16,020
Yeah, sure, if you never
want to have sex again.
339
00:14:17,657 --> 00:14:19,724
I do want
to have sex again.
340
00:14:19,726 --> 00:14:22,493
Then you are not
scared of puppets.
341
00:14:22,495 --> 00:14:24,028
You need to man up.
342
00:14:24,030 --> 00:14:26,130
Just never look those
puppets in the eye.
Yeah?
343
00:14:26,132 --> 00:14:28,399
And tell that devil woman
she's not allowed
in your house!
344
00:14:28,401 --> 00:14:30,602
Yeah!
And then give your employee
the rest of the day off
345
00:14:30,604 --> 00:14:32,337
for giving you
such good advice!
346
00:14:32,339 --> 00:14:33,571
Yeah!
347
00:14:33,573 --> 00:14:34,806
I don't think so.
348
00:14:36,743 --> 00:14:39,577
Well, this turned out great.
349
00:14:39,579 --> 00:14:42,413
A romantic dinner
with my sister
350
00:14:42,415 --> 00:14:44,816
and her husband.
351
00:14:46,119 --> 00:14:48,353
I'm sorry Erica
stood you up.
352
00:14:49,456 --> 00:14:52,490
Can't say I didn't see this--
Then don't.
353
00:14:56,596 --> 00:14:57,962
¶¶
354
00:14:57,964 --> 00:15:00,365
Thanks for coming over.
Please eat everything.
355
00:15:00,367 --> 00:15:04,969
The salad's delicious--
I candied the walnuts myself.
356
00:15:04,971 --> 00:15:07,005
Erica's the worst.
357
00:15:07,007 --> 00:15:10,441
She says "vahz"
instead of vase.
358
00:15:10,443 --> 00:15:13,544
Get a life.
359
00:15:13,546 --> 00:15:15,747
I say "vahz."
360
00:15:15,749 --> 00:15:17,515
Yeah, but I don't
listen to you.
361
00:15:19,185 --> 00:15:22,420
Anyway, I am loving
this "tomahto" salad.
362
00:15:27,494 --> 00:15:31,162
None of this would have happened
if it wasn't for Prudence.
363
00:15:31,164 --> 00:15:34,032
Luke and I were perfectly fine
before she showed up.
364
00:15:34,034 --> 00:15:36,601
We never fought,
we never had conflict.
365
00:15:36,603 --> 00:15:39,604
So you hate Prudence
because she's made your
life more interesting.
366
00:15:39,606 --> 00:15:42,707
No, because she's invaded
my life and wreaked havoc.
367
00:15:42,709 --> 00:15:43,975
"Deal with the closet,
368
00:15:43,977 --> 00:15:47,045
see your ex-girlfriend,
get closure."
369
00:15:47,047 --> 00:15:50,281
I mean,
look at this place!
370
00:15:50,283 --> 00:15:52,817
Okay, she should stop
telling me how to live my life
371
00:15:52,819 --> 00:15:54,786
and deal with her
own baggage, okay?
372
00:15:54,788 --> 00:15:57,488
I mean, hello,
where is my fire lane?!
373
00:15:59,893 --> 00:16:02,293
How many cocks
are in this box?!
374
00:16:04,097 --> 00:16:08,166
That's a messed up
guessing game.
375
00:16:08,168 --> 00:16:09,367
14?
376
00:16:09,369 --> 00:16:11,135
Lizzy!
377
00:16:15,208 --> 00:16:17,475
I'm fine, I landed
on bubble wrap.
378
00:16:17,477 --> 00:16:18,977
Where's Erica?
379
00:16:18,979 --> 00:16:22,480
I have a whole speech ready,
and it's in all caps.
380
00:16:22,482 --> 00:16:24,215
Erica stood me up.
381
00:16:24,217 --> 00:16:27,051
You were right...
I shouldn't have seen her.
382
00:16:27,053 --> 00:16:30,688
And, of course,
I got hurt.
383
00:16:30,690 --> 00:16:33,224
It was a huge mistake.
384
00:16:33,226 --> 00:16:36,494
I'm afraid this might be
a tiny bit my fault.
385
00:16:36,496 --> 00:16:37,829
A tiny bit?
386
00:16:37,831 --> 00:16:39,464
Because I followed
your plan,
387
00:16:39,466 --> 00:16:40,798
I got my heart broken
388
00:16:40,800 --> 00:16:42,767
and I spent way too much
money on an outfit
389
00:16:42,769 --> 00:16:46,070
that I'm probably gonna
bust out of in a week anyway.
390
00:16:47,207 --> 00:16:51,175
And I should've listened
to you about Erica.
391
00:16:51,177 --> 00:16:52,276
But don't worry, okay?
392
00:16:52,278 --> 00:16:55,146
I won't come
crying to you.
393
00:16:55,148 --> 00:16:57,882
What if I just
come to you?
394
00:17:05,525 --> 00:17:06,657
Ohh...
395
00:17:06,659 --> 00:17:08,993
I just feel
so stupid.
396
00:17:08,995 --> 00:17:10,294
But for a minute,
397
00:17:10,296 --> 00:17:12,230
it felt nice to have
somebody to be with again.
398
00:17:12,232 --> 00:17:14,465
You know, the way
you guys have each other.
399
00:17:14,467 --> 00:17:15,833
And you guys, too.
400
00:17:15,835 --> 00:17:18,102
Love you, baby.
Meh, it--
401
00:17:21,007 --> 00:17:24,108
It's just... sometimes
it's hard to be alone.
402
00:17:24,110 --> 00:17:26,778
Hey, you're not alone,
you got me.
403
00:17:26,780 --> 00:17:28,146
And me, too.
404
00:17:30,583 --> 00:17:31,783
In a pinch.
405
00:17:34,821 --> 00:17:36,788
I'll just
stand over here.
406
00:17:45,198 --> 00:17:48,232
Ohh, and I still have to
give her her stuff back.
407
00:17:48,234 --> 00:17:51,869
I can think of something way
more satisfying to do with it.
408
00:17:51,871 --> 00:17:53,037
I really thought you
were gonna suggest
409
00:17:53,039 --> 00:17:54,672
giving her stuff
to the less fortunate.
410
00:17:56,409 --> 00:17:59,243
Here's the visor Erica
bought me in wine country
411
00:17:59,245 --> 00:18:01,779
that she said
looked better on her.
412
00:18:01,781 --> 00:18:04,882
I think it would
look better on fire.
413
00:18:04,884 --> 00:18:07,051
Erica used to
call me a munchkin,
414
00:18:07,053 --> 00:18:10,154
like that's a compliment
to an adult woman.
415
00:18:11,257 --> 00:18:13,491
Let's burn these
glasses without lenses
416
00:18:13,493 --> 00:18:16,160
she wore like a whore.
417
00:18:16,996 --> 00:18:18,563
Lizzy,
I feel terribly.
418
00:18:18,565 --> 00:18:21,265
I wish there was something
I could do to make it up to you.
419
00:18:21,267 --> 00:18:23,201
I've always
been a meddler.
420
00:18:23,203 --> 00:18:24,469
My mother used to say,
421
00:18:24,471 --> 00:18:27,071
"Stay out of it,
Prudence Merlizabeth."
422
00:18:28,708 --> 00:18:32,477
Well... this is
the last of it.
423
00:18:32,479 --> 00:18:33,945
Guess this is good-bye.
424
00:18:33,947 --> 00:18:35,246
It doesn't
have to be.
425
00:18:35,248 --> 00:18:39,217
Holy crap,
you're a quiet walker.
426
00:18:39,219 --> 00:18:42,086
Wait, is that
my sweatshirt?
Yeah.
427
00:18:42,088 --> 00:18:44,021
You break her heart,
we burn your stuff...
428
00:18:44,023 --> 00:18:47,792
three years later,
when you least expect it.
429
00:18:47,794 --> 00:18:50,161
Stay out of this, Luke,
it's none of your business.
430
00:18:50,163 --> 00:18:52,230
Oh, this is
totally my business.
431
00:18:52,232 --> 00:18:55,333
She's my best friend--
you hurt her, you hurt me.
432
00:18:55,335 --> 00:18:57,702
We're like one person
with one heart...
433
00:18:57,704 --> 00:18:59,570
two brains, four arms,
434
00:18:59,572 --> 00:19:02,707
a penis, a vagina,
and I guess two sets of teeth.
435
00:19:02,709 --> 00:19:04,375
Luke, I got this.
436
00:19:04,377 --> 00:19:06,410
Good, 'cause it was
getting away from me.
437
00:19:06,412 --> 00:19:08,379
Look, Erica,
438
00:19:08,381 --> 00:19:09,981
it was a bad idea
to see you.
439
00:19:09,983 --> 00:19:11,382
I should've stayed away.
440
00:19:11,384 --> 00:19:13,351
And I don't know if I'd say
you're a bad person...
441
00:19:13,353 --> 00:19:15,653
She'll say it.
You're a bad person.
442
00:19:18,057 --> 00:19:19,824
It's just you don't
do a lot of good things.
443
00:19:19,826 --> 00:19:21,125
I know.
444
00:19:21,127 --> 00:19:23,961
But I'm in therapy now
because of you.
445
00:19:23,963 --> 00:19:27,298
And it's 100%
out of pocket.
446
00:19:27,300 --> 00:19:29,634
You did a million
good things for me.
447
00:19:29,636 --> 00:19:30,935
No, I didn't.
448
00:19:30,937 --> 00:19:33,137
Like what?
449
00:19:33,139 --> 00:19:35,640
You loved me when
I didn't deserve it.
450
00:19:35,642 --> 00:19:39,343
You saw my inner beauty,
past all my outer beauty.
I did.
451
00:19:41,114 --> 00:19:43,047
Give me another chance.
452
00:19:43,049 --> 00:19:46,417
I mean, if you
still have feelings.
453
00:19:46,419 --> 00:19:48,920
I mean, I don't know if--
454
00:19:48,922 --> 00:19:51,055
Oh, come on!
Pull it together!
455
00:19:51,057 --> 00:19:53,824
I've moved on.
Oh, yeah, with who?
456
00:19:53,826 --> 00:19:55,693
With me.
457
00:19:57,630 --> 00:19:58,629
Wow.
I knew it.
458
00:19:58,631 --> 00:20:00,298
God, I miss college.
459
00:20:00,300 --> 00:20:04,068
I just moved in, and we
are crazy about each other.
460
00:20:04,070 --> 00:20:06,204
And we mouth kiss
all the time.
461
00:20:06,206 --> 00:20:08,339
And it feels right.
462
00:20:10,777 --> 00:20:13,811
This... is
my new type.
463
00:20:13,813 --> 00:20:17,515
Well, then maybe you should
know, the other night,
she kissed me.
464
00:20:17,517 --> 00:20:19,116
How dare you?
465
00:20:19,118 --> 00:20:22,420
I forgive you.
466
00:20:22,422 --> 00:20:23,521
Okay.
467
00:20:23,523 --> 00:20:24,422
Well, then.
468
00:20:24,424 --> 00:20:26,424
I guess this
is good-bye.
469
00:20:26,426 --> 00:20:28,426
Yeah, it is.
470
00:20:28,428 --> 00:20:30,361
And your smoothie
recipe is way off!
471
00:20:33,132 --> 00:20:36,300
Look at him sleeping,
Dr. Charlie.
472
00:20:36,302 --> 00:20:38,035
Let's slit his throat.
473
00:20:38,037 --> 00:20:39,804
I got a knife
from the kitchen.
474
00:20:39,806 --> 00:20:42,440
Don't ask me how.
475
00:20:42,442 --> 00:20:44,809
That's it, I'm done!
476
00:20:44,811 --> 00:20:47,144
What is it, darling?
They're trying to kill me!
477
00:20:47,146 --> 00:20:49,347
Who?
Dr. Charlie and Miroslava!
478
00:20:49,349 --> 00:20:51,315
They got a whole plan!
479
00:20:51,317 --> 00:20:53,317
You were having
a nightmare.
480
00:20:53,319 --> 00:20:55,453
Look, I was
trying to man up,
481
00:20:55,455 --> 00:20:58,489
but they scare the crap
out of me and I don't
want them in my room.
482
00:20:58,491 --> 00:21:01,325
Why didn't you just
say so in the first place?
483
00:21:01,327 --> 00:21:03,427
Because I was afraid you
wouldn't be into me anymore,
484
00:21:03,429 --> 00:21:05,730
you know,
sexually and whatnot.
485
00:21:07,367 --> 00:21:09,100
There's nothing more
attractive than a man
486
00:21:09,102 --> 00:21:10,935
who's not afraid
to be vulnerable.
487
00:21:10,937 --> 00:21:13,604
You like vulnerability?
488
00:21:13,606 --> 00:21:16,474
I could cry
while we do it.
489
00:21:18,044 --> 00:21:20,244
Oh, I'll give you
something to cry about.
490
00:21:23,116 --> 00:21:25,616
Uck, straight people.
491
00:21:27,453 --> 00:21:28,753
Anyway...
36183
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