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1
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1x08 - The Ballad of Autumn Gold
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-- Addic7ed.com --
3
00:00:17,420 --> 00:00:20,150
Any last questions before I
send you back in time to 1888?
4
00:00:20,160 --> 00:00:23,010
I do, Agent Garcia. What is it
that we're 'sposed to be doing?
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00:00:23,045 --> 00:00:25,150
I wasn't paying attention
because you're boring.
6
00:00:25,185 --> 00:00:26,764
Yeah, you're boring.
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00:00:26,765 --> 00:00:28,124
Oh, okay, we'll go through it
again. You see ...
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00:00:28,125 --> 00:00:29,950
Somebody named Black Bart
is stealing horses ...
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00:00:29,985 --> 00:00:32,260
from time itself.
10
00:00:32,295 --> 00:00:34,050
If we don't stop him in 1888,
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00:00:34,060 --> 00:00:35,484
- civilization will cease to exist because...
- Okay.
12
00:00:35,485 --> 00:00:37,690
...horses were the building
blocks of American society
13
00:00:37,725 --> 00:00:39,830
- in the late 1800s.
- Are you prepared?
14
00:00:39,840 --> 00:00:41,710
I've studied everything
there is to know
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00:00:41,745 --> 00:00:42,924
about Black Bart
and the Old West.
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00:00:42,925 --> 00:00:45,240
I'm terrific at rounding up posses.
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00:00:45,275 --> 00:00:47,430
And I'm great at killing things
with my gun.
18
00:00:47,465 --> 00:00:50,490
Ah, but you can't kill things
when you time travel, Branski.
19
00:00:50,500 --> 00:00:51,754
You see, there's a butterfly
effect and wh...
20
00:00:51,755 --> 00:00:53,970
Yeah, yeah, we get it.
21
00:00:54,005 --> 00:00:55,679
You can't kill anything
because of time travel.
22
00:00:55,680 --> 00:00:57,094
Can I at least kill horses?
23
00:00:57,095 --> 00:00:59,980
- Your mission is tosavethe horses.
- Hmm.
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00:01:00,015 --> 00:01:01,850
Have you ever, in your life, cared
25
00:01:01,885 --> 00:01:03,840
- about another living creature?
- Nope.
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00:01:03,875 --> 00:01:05,990
How 'bout this ...
you can kill aliens
27
00:01:06,000 --> 00:01:08,010
or anything not
from this Earth. Okay?
28
00:01:08,045 --> 00:01:10,390
- Okay.
- Okay. Heh. On your way, then.
29
00:01:10,425 --> 00:01:12,190
Good luck. Mwah.
30
00:01:12,225 --> 00:01:15,220
Mwah. Mwah.
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00:01:15,255 --> 00:01:18,920
M-m-m-m-m-mwah.
32
00:01:18,955 --> 00:01:21,020
Why do you have to be
so boring, Garcia?
33
00:01:21,030 --> 00:01:23,840
One of these days,
you'll make a friend.
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00:01:26,070 --> 00:01:29,370
Branski, we're in 1888!
35
00:01:29,405 --> 00:01:31,720
All this just to save
some stupid horses.
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00:01:31,755 --> 00:01:33,570
I've been practicing
all the colloquial phrases
37
00:01:33,605 --> 00:01:34,934
of the time ...
check it out.
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00:01:34,935 --> 00:01:38,730
How do, sir? I'm right heartily
pleased to make your ...
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00:01:38,765 --> 00:01:40,690
Ugh!
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00:01:40,725 --> 00:01:41,964
Ugh!
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00:01:43,045 --> 00:01:45,290
Sheriff!
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00:01:45,325 --> 00:01:47,800
I'm rightly taking that there
horse on behalf of Black Bart.
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00:01:47,835 --> 00:01:50,670
But it's our last doggone horse!
44
00:01:50,705 --> 00:01:53,010
Easy partner, no killing.
45
00:01:53,045 --> 00:01:56,759
- Remember what that boring guy said?
- Garcia...
46
00:01:56,760 --> 00:01:58,960
Get off your horse
and fight me like a man.
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00:01:58,970 --> 00:02:01,330
Get off your feet
and fight me like a horse!
48
00:02:01,365 --> 00:02:03,065
Okay.
49
00:02:08,230 --> 00:02:10,770
Black Bart'll be here tomorrow
at high noon
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00:02:10,805 --> 00:02:12,760
to kill y'all
and snake your final horse.
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00:02:15,335 --> 00:02:17,004
Sheesh.
52
00:02:17,005 --> 00:02:18,344
Black Bart and his boys
have ruined town.
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00:02:18,345 --> 00:02:20,780
They ride in from Jagged Gulch,
steal our horses,
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00:02:20,815 --> 00:02:22,660
and terrorize the people.
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00:02:22,695 --> 00:02:25,120
Not human.
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00:02:25,155 --> 00:02:28,050
- Not by far.
- Finally! Something to kill.
57
00:02:28,085 --> 00:02:30,140
I didn't think anybody
could stop Black Bart.
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00:02:30,175 --> 00:02:31,890
Until this buckaroo
came into town,
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00:02:31,925 --> 00:02:33,204
ripped one off his flesh saddle,
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00:02:33,205 --> 00:02:35,000
and another came out of
that there horse vagina.
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00:02:35,035 --> 00:02:36,880
That's the kind of courage
this town needs.
62
00:02:38,430 --> 00:02:40,720
Here's the official sheriff's horse,
Autumn Gold.
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00:02:40,755 --> 00:02:42,455
Treat him well.
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00:02:42,465 --> 00:02:44,580
We should take the fight
to Black Bart before high noon.
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00:02:44,615 --> 00:02:47,230
I'll scout out Jagged Gulch
on this dirty, disgusting horse.
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00:02:47,265 --> 00:02:49,060
We're going to need help
taking on the gang.
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00:02:49,095 --> 00:02:52,660
And that'll be in the skin of a
classic old-school western posse.
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00:02:52,695 --> 00:02:55,686
Assembled by yours truly!
69
00:02:58,225 --> 00:03:00,850
And, Jen, just have fun
in the Old West.
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00:03:00,885 --> 00:03:04,200
J.A.S.O.N., scan symptoms.
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00:03:04,235 --> 00:03:06,020
Typhoid fever,
symptoms accelerated.
72
00:03:06,030 --> 00:03:07,164
Prognosis ... positive.
73
00:03:07,165 --> 00:03:10,004
99% chance of full recovery with
immediate treatment of penicillin.
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00:03:10,005 --> 00:03:12,220
Hooray!
75
00:03:12,255 --> 00:03:14,470
Penicillin hasn't been invented
yet, you dumb [bleep].
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00:03:14,480 --> 00:03:16,200
[Bleep]!
77
00:03:16,235 --> 00:03:17,990
Chubbie, you're gonna
have to invent penicillin.
78
00:03:18,025 --> 00:03:19,619
I need you to buy
all these ingredients.
79
00:03:19,620 --> 00:03:23,230
It's expensive ... do whatever
you need to get the cash.
80
00:03:23,990 --> 00:03:26,990
Yes!
Sell that ass, Chubbie.
81
00:03:27,025 --> 00:03:30,220
Sell... that... ass...
82
00:03:30,230 --> 00:03:31,924
Oooooh, yeah!
83
00:03:36,770 --> 00:03:38,214
Which one of you dastardly dudes
84
00:03:38,215 --> 00:03:41,900
wants to join my posse
to take down Black Bart?
85
00:03:41,935 --> 00:03:44,470
Hows about you, partner?
86
00:03:46,325 --> 00:03:50,090
You made me walk backwards!
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00:03:50,125 --> 00:03:52,500
Better get you cleaned up,
Autumn Gold,
88
00:03:52,535 --> 00:03:54,530
if you want a guy like me riding you.
89
00:03:54,565 --> 00:03:56,214
Yeah, there you go.
90
00:03:56,215 --> 00:03:58,860
Huh, your mane is quite exquisite.
91
00:03:58,895 --> 00:04:02,230
And your coat ...
silky and smooth.
92
00:04:02,265 --> 00:04:04,860
I've never felt this way
about an animal before.
93
00:04:04,895 --> 00:04:07,040
Black Bart's never taking you.
Ever.
94
00:04:07,075 --> 00:04:09,470
I get it now ...
we have to save the horses.
95
00:04:11,795 --> 00:04:13,940
I tip my bonnet to Chubbette.
96
00:04:13,975 --> 00:04:15,359
She's making top dollar
97
00:04:15,360 --> 00:04:19,120
screwing all the ugliest,
diseased scoundrels in town!
98
00:04:19,130 --> 00:04:21,060
Contrary to what I said earlier,
99
00:04:21,095 --> 00:04:23,740
I'm terrible at rounding up posses.
100
00:04:23,775 --> 00:04:27,430
Just look at me ...
I'm an alcoholic.
101
00:04:29,040 --> 00:04:31,570
Need a rock tosser
for your posse?
102
00:04:31,605 --> 00:04:33,760
You've got it all figured out.
103
00:04:39,535 --> 00:04:41,144
It hurts! It hurts!
104
00:04:41,145 --> 00:04:43,610
- What is it? You have an STD?
- Ow! Ow!
105
00:04:43,645 --> 00:04:45,760
But we don't need the
penicillin anymore, Chubbie.
106
00:04:45,795 --> 00:04:47,495
Can't you see, we're both fine!
107
00:04:47,500 --> 00:04:50,750
Typhoid fever, Stage 2 ...
Hallucinations. Death imminent.
108
00:04:50,785 --> 00:04:52,670
Follow me, Chubbie!
109
00:04:52,705 --> 00:04:55,580
Remember, I know how to
handle things in the Old West.
110
00:05:00,280 --> 00:05:03,840
Excuse me sir, where in
tarnation is that Black Bart?
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00:05:04,920 --> 00:05:08,160
You don't say.
Much obliged.
112
00:05:08,760 --> 00:05:10,460
Hubba-bubba-bub-bub-bub!
113
00:05:12,175 --> 00:05:14,470
Chubbie, stop acting crazy.
114
00:05:14,505 --> 00:05:17,445
You're embarrassing me.
This way...
115
00:05:21,410 --> 00:05:24,450
Chubbie, this is the
roller-coaster line.
116
00:05:24,540 --> 00:05:26,885
Black Bart is actually a roller coaster.
117
00:05:30,060 --> 00:05:33,200
Ow, ow!
Ow! Ow! Ow!
118
00:05:38,310 --> 00:05:40,155
Black Bart, I was about
to get Autumn Gold,
119
00:05:40,156 --> 00:05:42,924
but someone got in the way ...
someone stronger than the others.
120
00:05:42,925 --> 00:05:46,020
Are you saying that he
is stronger than me?!
121
00:05:47,555 --> 00:05:49,520
Nobody's stronger
than Black Bart!
122
00:05:55,190 --> 00:05:57,310
Boy, that Black Bart is scary.
My heart's racing.
123
00:05:57,345 --> 00:05:59,609
Good thing you have a classic western
124
00:05:59,610 --> 00:06:01,874
- posse to back you up.
- Who the heck is this?
125
00:06:01,875 --> 00:06:03,575
Rock-throwing Rick!
126
00:06:03,595 --> 00:06:06,010
Black Bart is taking all
the horses into who-knows-where.
127
00:06:06,045 --> 00:06:08,410
Autumn Gold stay here.
French, stay here.
128
00:06:08,445 --> 00:06:10,849
- Useless rock guy...
- Rock-throwing Rick.
129
00:06:10,850 --> 00:06:12,414
...also stay here.
130
00:06:12,415 --> 00:06:15,050
Sometimes you gotta kill
a horse to save a horse.
131
00:06:42,400 --> 00:06:44,100
Aah!
132
00:06:47,320 --> 00:06:48,989
He used my head!
133
00:06:48,990 --> 00:06:53,220
Everybody in the posse was
essential, including me!
134
00:06:53,255 --> 00:06:55,210
I'm sorry I doubted you,
Rock-throwing Rick.
135
00:06:55,220 --> 00:06:58,030
You're a hero. I hereby
concede leadership to you.
136
00:06:58,040 --> 00:07:00,910
What do we do now,
Sheriff Rock-throwing Rick?
137
00:07:00,945 --> 00:07:02,790
Let's go through
that darn magic thing
138
00:07:02,825 --> 00:07:05,740
and save those darn horses
from that darn Black Bart.
139
00:07:19,775 --> 00:07:21,950
Chubbie, don't be crazy.
We can't get out of line.
140
00:07:21,985 --> 00:07:24,980
Purify toxins.
141
00:07:25,015 --> 00:07:26,654
Where... where am I?
142
00:07:26,655 --> 00:07:28,780
- Oh, yeah!
- I'm cured!
143
00:07:28,815 --> 00:07:29,979
Chubbie, you saved us!
144
00:07:32,985 --> 00:07:34,990
Horse-ificaton process.
145
00:07:38,715 --> 00:07:40,760
Huh?
Chubbie, you idiot!
146
00:07:40,795 --> 00:07:44,380
- You turned us into horses!
- Gimme a break, lady.
147
00:07:44,415 --> 00:07:45,919
Black Bart, that bastard.
148
00:07:45,920 --> 00:07:47,960
He's turning these beautiful
creatures into monsters!
149
00:07:47,995 --> 00:07:49,289
What should we do,
Rock-Throwing Rick?
150
00:07:49,290 --> 00:07:51,690
Partner, I'm fresh out
of rocks and ideas.
151
00:07:51,725 --> 00:07:53,618
But I reckon this here
French has the gumption
152
00:07:53,619 --> 00:07:54,880
to take this darn base down.
153
00:07:54,915 --> 00:07:57,507
Thanks, boss. If you ask
me, we have to gain access
154
00:07:57,508 --> 00:08:00,100
- to the ship's mainframe.
- And save the horses.
155
00:08:00,110 --> 00:08:01,810
Then set the ship
to self-destruct.
156
00:08:01,845 --> 00:08:04,650
- And save the horses.
- And then save the horses.
157
00:08:05,470 --> 00:08:07,054
That's the part I like.
158
00:08:07,055 --> 00:08:10,730
- Follow my lead, boys.
- I'll follow you anywhere.
159
00:08:12,580 --> 00:08:14,900
What now,
Sheriff Rock-throwing Rick?
160
00:08:14,910 --> 00:08:16,519
Maybe do something
to that shiny thing.
161
00:08:16,520 --> 00:08:17,979
Of course!
162
00:08:17,980 --> 00:08:21,100
Who's the leader of this here posse?
163
00:08:21,135 --> 00:08:22,794
That would be me,
a-and I don't mind telling you,
164
00:08:22,795 --> 00:08:24,590
I'm darn proud to be.
165
00:08:24,625 --> 00:08:26,590
Me and my boys are here to stop
your horse-thievin' ways,
166
00:08:26,625 --> 00:08:29,610
and if you have somethin' to
say, you need to say it to m...
167
00:08:31,870 --> 00:08:34,920
Heaven awaits, boss.
God bless your soul.
168
00:08:36,985 --> 00:08:40,710
I heard about you ...
you're supposed to be strong!
169
00:08:40,745 --> 00:08:44,080
I'm strong, but I'm also strong
enough to know when to be weak.
170
00:08:44,115 --> 00:08:45,744
You trying to confuse me?
I'm the strongest!
171
00:08:45,745 --> 00:08:47,840
Ain't nobody stronger
than Black Bart!
172
00:08:51,740 --> 00:08:53,004
What the hell
you gonna do with that?
173
00:08:53,005 --> 00:08:54,449
Shh.
It's gonna be okay.
174
00:08:54,450 --> 00:08:55,654
I'm gonna shoot you!
175
00:08:55,655 --> 00:08:58,470
Whoa!
Nobody's shooting anybody.
176
00:08:58,505 --> 00:09:00,205
Hey!
177
00:09:00,225 --> 00:09:01,904
Shh. Does that feel good?
Ohh, it looks good.
178
00:09:01,905 --> 00:09:04,060
- You are a gorgeous steed.
- Thank you!
179
00:09:04,095 --> 00:09:06,770
- Almost done now. You're special.
- Means a lot to me!
180
00:09:06,805 --> 00:09:08,870
Self-destruct sequence initiated.
181
00:09:08,880 --> 00:09:11,690
Hey, whoa! What?!
How dare you?!
182
00:09:13,350 --> 00:09:15,090
Nobody's getting off
this ship alive!
183
00:09:15,125 --> 00:09:17,700
And I took your brush!
184
00:09:30,920 --> 00:09:33,240
Self-destruct in 30 seconds...
185
00:09:33,275 --> 00:09:35,730
We'll never get out in time!
186
00:09:35,765 --> 00:09:37,660
Let's go!
Hop on!
187
00:09:37,695 --> 00:09:39,194
French, mount my niece!
188
00:09:39,195 --> 00:09:40,614
We're getting out of here on time ...
189
00:09:40,615 --> 00:09:42,420
and most importantly,
saving the horses!
190
00:09:46,095 --> 00:09:48,100
French!
Jen and Chubbie are horses!
191
00:09:48,110 --> 00:09:50,730
- Wow! Hah!
- Ow! You mother[bleep].
192
00:09:52,265 --> 00:09:55,040
Uncle Mark, you have to ...
193
00:10:10,170 --> 00:10:11,554
That's all of them.
194
00:10:12,770 --> 00:10:14,470
Not all of them.
195
00:10:15,330 --> 00:10:17,030
- They got you, Autumn Gold.
- No!
196
00:10:18,850 --> 00:10:20,550
Autumn Gold...
197
00:10:22,160 --> 00:10:23,860
...I love you.
198
00:10:35,930 --> 00:10:37,630
Damn, I missed.
199
00:10:52,275 --> 00:10:53,694
- Ow! Ow!
- Ow! Ow!
200
00:10:53,695 --> 00:10:57,380
- Aah! Stop it! Stop!
- Ow!
201
00:10:57,415 --> 00:11:02,195
-- Addic7ed.com --
15254
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