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-- Addic7ed.com --
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1x07 - The Bractegon
3
00:00:30,652 --> 00:00:33,070
If these Toilet Bowl
Monsters are as predictable
4
00:00:33,071 --> 00:00:35,288
as I think they are,
they'll be here in the sewers.
5
00:00:35,290 --> 00:00:37,124
Attracted to the
smell of their own dead.
6
00:00:37,126 --> 00:00:40,660
So much to hate about these
so-called Toilet Bowl Monsters.
7
00:00:40,662 --> 00:00:42,396
Next thing you know,
they'll crawl out of the toilet
8
00:00:42,398 --> 00:00:44,564
with tiny suitcases ready to move in.
9
00:00:44,566 --> 00:00:47,801
Rent free.
That's not fair.
10
00:00:47,803 --> 00:00:49,137
Toilet Bowl Monsters!
11
00:00:51,673 --> 00:00:53,340
All right, everyone,
no class next week,
12
00:00:53,342 --> 00:00:55,375
as I'll be on one amazing trip.
13
00:00:55,377 --> 00:00:57,310
In the meantime,
please direct your attention
14
00:00:57,312 --> 00:00:59,546
to the numerical puzzle
I've left on the board.
15
00:00:59,548 --> 00:01:01,248
Remember the words
of our school's founder,
16
00:01:01,250 --> 00:01:03,583
and my great-grandfather,
Harold Boddington ...
17
00:01:03,585 --> 00:01:05,819
"The world is a puzzle to be solved!"
18
00:01:05,821 --> 00:01:07,888
It's the spirit of our great university.
19
00:01:07,890 --> 00:01:10,123
And anyone who can solve this
while I'm gone
20
00:01:10,125 --> 00:01:11,925
will get an immediate "A"
for the semester.
21
00:01:11,927 --> 00:01:15,262
But good luck, you'd have
to be a puzzle-solving genius.
22
00:01:15,264 --> 00:01:18,498
Uh, Professor Lane!
I think... I've got it!
23
00:01:18,500 --> 00:01:20,167
Be my guest, Miss Sanders.
24
00:01:20,169 --> 00:01:22,469
I think it's... a new shape.
25
00:01:22,471 --> 00:01:25,105
Has anybody ever seen a shape
like this before?!
26
00:01:25,107 --> 00:01:26,407
Triangle.
27
00:01:26,408 --> 00:01:29,243
I agree with the bully, Jennifer.
You did not provide an answer.
28
00:01:29,244 --> 00:01:33,280
It's just a ridiculous shape.
Class dismissed.
29
00:01:33,282 --> 00:01:36,716
But, Professor Lane, I triple-checked
that shape in my mind ...
30
00:01:36,718 --> 00:01:38,618
The Bractegon is
more than a shape, Jennifer!
31
00:01:38,620 --> 00:01:40,358
- Bractegon?!
- That word...
32
00:01:40,430 --> 00:01:43,156
just slipped out, means nothing.
33
00:01:45,694 --> 00:01:46,928
Hey!
34
00:01:49,031 --> 00:01:50,931
J.A.S.O.N., call Matt.
35
00:01:50,933 --> 00:01:54,134
Calling the guy you think is
your boyfriend for some reason.
36
00:01:54,136 --> 00:01:55,369
Jen, I'm kind of busy.
37
00:01:55,370 --> 00:01:57,137
There's a weird guy following me.
38
00:01:57,139 --> 00:01:58,506
Can you meet me on campus?
39
00:01:58,507 --> 00:02:00,140
I'm... kind of busy.
40
00:02:00,142 --> 00:02:02,275
Remember,
you're the only girl for m...
41
00:02:02,277 --> 00:02:03,877
Hello?
42
00:02:04,079 --> 00:02:07,747
- Hey!
- What's he saying?
43
00:02:07,749 --> 00:02:09,549
Peenie Squeezie!
44
00:02:09,551 --> 00:02:11,251
His name is "Peenie Squeezie"?
45
00:02:11,253 --> 00:02:12,386
Uh-huh! Uh-huh!
46
00:02:12,387 --> 00:02:14,454
- Hey!
- Holy shit!
47
00:02:14,456 --> 00:02:15,690
Oof!
48
00:02:15,691 --> 00:02:18,458
Chubbie, don't [bleep]
with Peenie Squeezie.
49
00:02:18,460 --> 00:02:19,994
- Whuh? Whuh?
- That shape!
50
00:02:19,995 --> 00:02:22,329
- Wh-whuh?
- He wants us to follow him!
51
00:02:24,733 --> 00:02:26,733
The school's founder, Boddington ...
52
00:02:26,735 --> 00:02:28,169
what does he have to do
with the shape?
53
00:02:28,170 --> 00:02:30,844
Hey!
54
00:02:31,607 --> 00:02:33,007
Hey!
55
00:02:36,478 --> 00:02:38,612
Nice work, Peenie Squeezie.
56
00:02:38,614 --> 00:02:40,247
We've been expecting you.
57
00:02:44,620 --> 00:02:47,187
I'm out!
French, get the last one!
58
00:02:48,991 --> 00:02:52,058
I... I can't.
This Toilet Bowl Monster...
59
00:02:52,060 --> 00:02:55,229
- is too handsome!
- Pull the trigger!
60
00:02:55,230 --> 00:02:58,177
If he's pregnant, we're screwed!
61
00:02:58,867 --> 00:03:01,502
- I'm sorry!
- Happens to the best of us.
62
00:03:01,503 --> 00:03:03,570
I can only assume
he's some sort of sex wizard
63
00:03:03,572 --> 00:03:04,872
for the Toilet Bowl Monsters.
64
00:03:04,873 --> 00:03:07,707
We'll just have to go deeper
to stop him.
65
00:03:07,709 --> 00:03:09,543
My apologies
for Peenie Squeezie, here.
66
00:03:09,545 --> 00:03:13,281
- His methods are crude but effective.
- Who are you people?
67
00:03:13,282 --> 00:03:15,749
The Secret Society of the Bractegon!
68
00:03:15,751 --> 00:03:18,418
Professor Lane?! But you
made fun of my new shape.
69
00:03:18,420 --> 00:03:20,620
Jen, what you drew wasn't new...
70
00:03:20,622 --> 00:03:22,522
it's the very first shape.
71
00:03:22,524 --> 00:03:25,292
We need your help
for a special puzzle.
72
00:03:25,294 --> 00:03:26,527
Do I have a choice?
73
00:03:26,528 --> 00:03:28,295
- Hey!
- 'Course you have a choice!
74
00:03:28,297 --> 00:03:29,730
You have a special talent.
75
00:03:29,731 --> 00:03:31,998
Nobody's ever solved
that equation so quickly.
76
00:03:32,000 --> 00:03:35,702
Will you join us on our quest
to solve the ultimate puzzle?
77
00:03:35,704 --> 00:03:38,638
I'll need to check with my uncle.
78
00:03:38,640 --> 00:03:40,473
Jen, will you come
to the sewers right now?
79
00:03:40,475 --> 00:03:42,043
We're fighting
Toilet Bowl Monsters.
80
00:03:42,044 --> 00:03:43,411
They're smelly and nasty.
81
00:03:43,412 --> 00:03:46,513
- I'm in.
- Misha Barron.
82
00:03:46,514 --> 00:03:49,716
Professor of linguistics and
lifelong puzzle enthusiast.
83
00:03:49,718 --> 00:03:51,351
And I'm her husband, Leopold!
84
00:03:51,353 --> 00:03:52,920
I just do whatever the wife tells me.
85
00:03:52,921 --> 00:03:55,956
And if it's Bractegons today,
hey, let's have some fun!
86
00:03:55,958 --> 00:03:57,491
It's nice to be in the presence
87
00:03:57,492 --> 00:03:59,192
of high-minded people for once.
88
00:03:59,194 --> 00:04:03,550
- Yes, especially Peenie Squeezie.
- Hey!
89
00:04:05,179 --> 00:04:07,863
Hey!
90
00:04:08,870 --> 00:04:10,704
My great-grandfather, Boddington,
91
00:04:10,706 --> 00:04:12,973
founded not only our school,
but this Society.
92
00:04:12,975 --> 00:04:15,809
And he chose this location
for very specific reasons.
93
00:04:15,811 --> 00:04:19,145
It stands directly
on top of the only entrance
94
00:04:19,147 --> 00:04:21,281
to the lost city of Gulgonia!
95
00:04:21,283 --> 00:04:24,818
There lies an artifact,
the Lost Puzzle, if you will,
96
00:04:24,820 --> 00:04:27,420
that when solved
will change the world!
97
00:04:27,422 --> 00:04:29,222
Right, you sold me.
I'm in.
98
00:04:29,224 --> 00:04:31,324
It's guarded by very intense puzzles!
99
00:04:31,326 --> 00:04:32,627
You know,
before I married my wife,
100
00:04:32,628 --> 00:04:34,694
she never said one word
about puzzles.
101
00:04:34,696 --> 00:04:36,163
But when in Rome, right?
102
00:04:36,164 --> 00:04:38,531
Harold Boddington himself
went through this door
103
00:04:38,533 --> 00:04:41,234
70 years ago and never came out.
104
00:04:41,236 --> 00:04:43,069
You sure you want to do this?
105
00:04:43,071 --> 00:04:45,839
The Founder's words
were why I chose this school!
106
00:04:45,841 --> 00:04:47,841
Hey, le... eh,
let the girl have her fun!
107
00:04:47,843 --> 00:04:49,909
Then let's do it!
And hey ...
108
00:04:49,911 --> 00:04:52,612
looks like our dogs
are becoming friends.
109
00:04:52,614 --> 00:04:54,181
Hey!
Wh-wh-wh-whuh?
110
00:04:54,182 --> 00:04:55,416
Wh-wh-wh-whuh...
111
00:04:57,886 --> 00:04:58,953
- Hey!
- Oof!
112
00:04:58,954 --> 00:05:00,554
Wh-wh-wh-wh-whuh.
113
00:05:07,754 --> 00:05:10,230
Dang!
Why's everything so loud? Right?
114
00:05:10,232 --> 00:05:11,865
No way out now...
115
00:05:11,867 --> 00:05:15,235
Good. I am not leaving
until we solve these puzzles.
116
00:05:15,237 --> 00:05:18,471
Expect traps.
The smelly and nasty Gulgons
117
00:05:18,473 --> 00:05:21,174
would do anything
to protect the Lost Puzzle.
118
00:05:21,176 --> 00:05:26,279
- Don't touch anything.
- "Smelly and nasty"?
119
00:05:26,281 --> 00:05:29,217
Sheesh!
120
00:05:32,788 --> 00:05:34,155
Thanks, pal!
121
00:05:34,156 --> 00:05:35,156
- Hey!
- Aaghh!
122
00:05:35,157 --> 00:05:37,323
- Hyah!
- Oof! Ohh.
123
00:05:38,994 --> 00:05:40,327
Keep clear of the slime.
124
00:05:40,328 --> 00:05:43,163
Slime?
Give me a break over here!
125
00:05:43,165 --> 00:05:45,498
Slime.
126
00:05:45,500 --> 00:05:48,301
Oof!
127
00:05:48,303 --> 00:05:49,603
Misha!
128
00:05:49,604 --> 00:05:51,172
Just go!
Leave me!
129
00:05:51,173 --> 00:05:52,806
All right, come on, honey!
Fun's over.
130
00:05:52,808 --> 00:05:56,110
- Unstick yourself!
- I can't. We'll die together.
131
00:05:56,111 --> 00:06:00,046
Huh. Damn.
Okay. Well, that kind of sucks.
132
00:06:00,048 --> 00:06:02,849
Shame.
They just didn't have it.
133
00:06:07,823 --> 00:06:10,256
This key must belong
to one of these doors,
134
00:06:10,258 --> 00:06:11,891
but which one?!
135
00:06:15,931 --> 00:06:17,564
This is a leap of faith, Jennifer.
136
00:06:17,566 --> 00:06:19,265
A classic optical illusion puzzle.
137
00:06:19,267 --> 00:06:21,601
You really think
this ceiling is lowering on us?
138
00:06:21,603 --> 00:06:23,570
Yes! I do!
139
00:06:25,507 --> 00:06:26,974
Oh, come on.
You're smarter than this.
140
00:06:26,975 --> 00:06:29,042
Spikes?
Obviously not real.
141
00:06:29,044 --> 00:06:31,678
Aghh!
My head hurts for some reason...
142
00:06:31,680 --> 00:06:33,613
This Bractegon has a slight rectangle
143
00:06:33,615 --> 00:06:38,418
on the bottom, not a square!
144
00:06:38,420 --> 00:06:40,286
Go ahead, run away from the ...
145
00:06:41,723 --> 00:06:45,058
Aaah!
146
00:06:46,128 --> 00:06:48,462
- Jump, Chubbie!
- Hey!
147
00:06:49,765 --> 00:06:52,632
You can do it, Peenie Squeezie!
148
00:06:52,634 --> 00:06:55,101
Hey...
Heeeeeeeey!
149
00:06:55,103 --> 00:06:58,805
Peenie Squeeezieeee!
150
00:07:04,346 --> 00:07:06,012
Look, Chubbie.
It's him!
151
00:07:06,014 --> 00:07:08,748
Founder Boddington!
This is where he got stuck ...
152
00:07:08,750 --> 00:07:11,952
actually stuck, too.
On this Word Jumble.
153
00:07:11,953 --> 00:07:14,020
I don't know why he couldn't
figure this one out.
154
00:07:14,022 --> 00:07:16,256
It's pretty easy.
155
00:07:20,862 --> 00:07:23,263
My word. What ...
what year is it, dear girl?
156
00:07:23,265 --> 00:07:26,166
I don't want to shock you, sir,
but it's the future.
157
00:07:26,168 --> 00:07:28,201
You were punished
for giving the wrong answer.
158
00:07:28,203 --> 00:07:29,170
It was "Zupelz" ...
159
00:07:29,171 --> 00:07:31,137
the common
19th-century exclamation
160
00:07:31,139 --> 00:07:33,306
given when a mother
successfully births twins.
161
00:07:33,308 --> 00:07:34,642
Amazing!
You freed me.
162
00:07:34,643 --> 00:07:37,076
You've got a lot
of pure puzzle power in you.
163
00:07:37,078 --> 00:07:39,779
Well, "the world is
a puzzle to be solved."
164
00:07:39,781 --> 00:07:43,884
Ha! I used to say something
a little like that. Shall we?
165
00:07:43,885 --> 00:07:46,219
The lost city of Gulgonia!
166
00:07:46,221 --> 00:07:49,322
No one has laid eyes on this
place for thousands of years.
167
00:07:49,324 --> 00:07:51,391
It's... incredible.
168
00:07:51,393 --> 00:07:54,727
Home of the
ugly little Gulgon creatures.
169
00:07:54,729 --> 00:07:58,119
I suspect they've all died off.
170
00:08:01,336 --> 00:08:02,603
The jewel of Gulgonia.
171
00:08:02,604 --> 00:08:06,339
Th... The Sacred Temple
of the Puzzle!
172
00:08:06,341 --> 00:08:08,641
Young lady, when I said
"the world was a puzzle
173
00:08:08,643 --> 00:08:10,243
to be solved," I meant it.
174
00:08:10,245 --> 00:08:12,478
This puzzle controls
the shape of the Earth.
175
00:08:12,480 --> 00:08:14,849
And when it's solved, you
and I will change the world
176
00:08:14,850 --> 00:08:17,785
to its purest and final form ...
a Bractegon!
177
00:08:17,786 --> 00:08:19,286
What are you talking about?
178
00:08:19,287 --> 00:08:22,288
Ohh, my penis
is hard thinking about it.
179
00:08:33,902 --> 00:08:36,836
Stop, Jen. You don't want
to touch that globe puzzle.
180
00:08:36,838 --> 00:08:39,138
But the Founder and I
are gonna solve the puzzle
181
00:08:39,140 --> 00:08:42,008
- of Earth together.
- And kill billions in the process.
182
00:08:42,010 --> 00:08:43,743
One twist and turn
of that globe thing
183
00:08:43,745 --> 00:08:45,012
and half the world eats it.
184
00:08:45,013 --> 00:08:47,982
We had a chat with their village elder,
Wise Leader Gizzaro, here.
185
00:08:47,983 --> 00:08:50,650
These Toilet Bowl Gulgons
are smart.
186
00:08:50,652 --> 00:08:53,853
- And handsome!
- You cannot solve the planet puzzle,
187
00:08:53,855 --> 00:08:56,556
for the planet puzzle
was already solved long ago.
188
00:08:56,558 --> 00:08:58,125
We are its sworn protectors.
189
00:08:58,126 --> 00:09:01,227
Earth will never be
a Bractegon ever again.
190
00:09:01,229 --> 00:09:03,496
I guess not all puzzles
are meant to be solved.
191
00:09:03,498 --> 00:09:07,269
No! I must solve it!
192
00:09:07,304 --> 00:09:11,204
Like hell you will.
I love round Earth!
193
00:09:17,512 --> 00:09:20,147
- What in the...?
- That's Pure Puzzle Energy!
194
00:09:20,148 --> 00:09:22,615
To contain it, one must solve
the Ultimate Puzzle.
195
00:09:22,617 --> 00:09:24,417
It's beyond any mortal capacity!
196
00:09:24,419 --> 00:09:26,819
Not even the Gulgons
can solve this one!
197
00:09:26,821 --> 00:09:28,755
What kind of puzzle is it?!
198
00:09:28,757 --> 00:09:32,192
The one I was born to solve!
199
00:09:51,313 --> 00:09:55,381
That should be me!
I want the pure puzzle energy!
200
00:09:56,384 --> 00:10:00,219
Huh. Yes!
I feel the puzzle power!
201
00:10:01,222 --> 00:10:02,356
Wait!
202
00:10:02,357 --> 00:10:03,857
Wait!
203
00:10:09,464 --> 00:10:11,431
How did you contain
the puzzle energy like that?!
204
00:10:11,433 --> 00:10:13,766
I ran into outer space
and a portal opened up.
205
00:10:13,768 --> 00:10:16,703
I split into a dozen
multicolored copies of myself,
206
00:10:16,705 --> 00:10:17,972
all running in unison.
207
00:10:17,973 --> 00:10:19,306
There was
this majestic music
208
00:10:19,307 --> 00:10:21,307
and giant circular flashes
of colored light.
209
00:10:21,309 --> 00:10:23,910
Then I found myself standing
before a giant alien head.
210
00:10:23,912 --> 00:10:25,479
He said...
211
00:10:25,480 --> 00:10:27,714
and then I replied with...
212
00:10:27,716 --> 00:10:29,950
There was a whip sound...
and then I returned.
213
00:10:29,951 --> 00:10:31,118
I transferred the energy
to Boddington,
214
00:10:31,119 --> 00:10:32,553
turning him into a Bractegon,
215
00:10:32,554 --> 00:10:35,247
thus saving the world.
216
00:10:38,660 --> 00:10:41,627
French, I'd like to introduce
you to my wife and children.
217
00:10:41,629 --> 00:10:45,431
Twins? You're a little virile
sex machine, aren't you.
218
00:10:45,433 --> 00:10:47,200
Zupelz to you both!
219
00:10:48,770 --> 00:10:51,537
Not again!
220
00:10:52,907 --> 00:10:54,640
Hey!
221
00:10:54,642 --> 00:10:58,544
- Wh-wh-wh-whuh.
- Oh, Peenie Squeezie!
222
00:10:58,746 --> 00:11:02,606
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