Original subtitles

Good evening.

I'm Helen Mirren, and you're watching

"Documentary Now!", Season 52.

In 1970, Broadway legends Simon Sawyer and Howard Pine

allowed filmmaker R.C. Baumgartner

to document the cast recording of their brand-new musical.

We give you the joy, the pain, and the music of "Co-Op".

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Season 3, Episode 3 Sync and corrections by FunnyFunk

[Horn honks]

[Band playing]

Hey, Dave.

Barbara, Alby and I accidentally grabbed each other's cases again.

Look, I need my trumpet.

- How many channels are we recording on? - Seven.

So we're definitely gonna need more than that.

Pbbbth.

At the co-op

It's beaux arts under scaffolding

The co-op

- Well, we had had such an enormous hit... - Huge.

...with "Has Anyone Ever Told You That You'd Look Better As A Brunette?",

which at the time was the longest title ever on Broadway,

though of course now everyone's copied it.

So what next? And then it hit us.

We were walking along 82nd and Third Avenue, which...

God and everyone else on Earth knows how beautiful that block is...

large, white, practical apartment buildings, and one of us said...

You said it. I did not say it.

"There must be 200 units of apartments in that co-op,

and that is 200 different stories,"

and we both thought there's a show in that.

I actually said, "That's not a good idea for a show".

Alright, this is it, people.

Settle.

"Co-Op"... take one.

At the co-op

It's Beaux-Arts under scaffolding

Co-op

The staff can't do anything

Co-op

But they might still strike this spring

That's the gossip at the mail drop

Here in our co-op

Whose package is this?!

Something from Overnight Insulin Emergency Providers?

Going once, twice?

Nope? Okay, garbage time.

Bye, bye, box!

Co-op

Why's the water shut off today?

Co-op

The super just walked away

Co-op

I'd rather squat in a loft than stay in this

One-stop flop

Called a co-op

22 floors and a roof deck that's off-limits

A 160 units managed by a staff of dimwits

We pay a king's ransom for a one-bedroom tomb

But you can sort of see the Chrysler from the window

In your room

The window in your room

And you don't own any land, just a box in the sky

- Yeah, yeah, yeah

- The neighbor's cooking kasha

- Yeah, yeah, yeah

- And your other neighbor died

Moving here felt lucky, but that time is forgot

But you'll never give up your spot

At the co-op

Our blessed co-op

Wow. Well, that was a hell of a good first take.

Let's move on. Okay.

Please let everybody know it's closed.

- You want me to do that? - Please.

Uh, okay. Uh, before we move on,

uh, Howard and Simon have a note.

Oh, you can...

Or, um...

a factoid, I guess.

This show, "CO-OP: The Musical", has been closed.

And I can tell by the look on all of your faces

that you didn't read the reviews that came out today,

and therefore were not able to, uh, anticipate this news,

but... but it... it is closed.

It's... it's, uh, it's over.

It's... it's not... it's... it's all done.

[All whispering]

Okay, we're back from the break.

I said "take 20", it's now half past,

so Larry, I want to go right into your number.

Larry? Put the coffee down.

Let's focus!

Alright. Come on. Come on!

Let's do this thing.

Orchestra? Always accelerando, okay?

But never beyond allegro.

That's no comment on all of you, obviously.

Hey, I speak Italian, capiche?

Oh, you read the Times.

So you think I can't sing fast, huh? [Bleep] critics.

This is why I don't read this shit because...

because it's beneath my vision.

L-Like this one, like this one.

"In his show-stopping solo 'Christmas Tips',

Mr. Lonson provided the night's only dramatic moment...

that is, with this actor so clearly out of breath

by the first stanza be able to finish the fast-paced song

or would he suffer cardiac arrest on-stage?"

Okay? Allegro? Presto. Fasto.

Huh? Huh?

I'll... I'll show you breath control.

Benedict: "Christmas Tips". Orchestra!

Man and Woman: Hello Robbie.

Hello.

Welcome home Mister and Mrs, what is this?

I'll tell you, this is just a package I've been holding

It's addressed to Mrs. Goldstein

What a co-op, what a lobby

Every slob is acting snobby

But you take a tip from Robbie

You should tip your doorman

The holidays are merry

All the secrets that I carry

One slip of the lip is scary

'Cause tomorrow you're not married

I open the door

Give kids high fives

One, two, three

I open the door

And I watch your lives

And the things you do

So you better tip me

'Cause I watch your lives

Mr. Adams, Mrs. Eve

This is your gift I do believe?

A tree planted in Tel Aviv?

For your marriage, I now grieve

You see only him, and me know

Back when you were getting chemo

That nurse who was Filipino

Got knocked up with a bambino

And he sent them off to Reno

You should have tipped me better

At least $100 and a sweater

Make it cashmere, there's a letter

From the nurse that would upset her

- And breath. - Full breath.

I open the door

Give kids high-fives

One, two, three

I open the door

And I watch your lives

Your private lives

Co-op, cooperate with me-eeee

[Panting]

Alright?!

That's how you do allegro.

It's a New York soap opera

One I've seen before

It's a New York soap opera

Open, close the door

Hi, Judy. Hi, Dee Dee.

Uh, you've been doing something wrong

for about three weeks, and it's been annoying me.

I want to talk to you about it right now.

- Uh, let's see here. - Okay?

Uh, bah, bah, bah, bah.

"It's a New York soap opera,

and for love stay tuned".

It's a New York soap opera, and for love stay tuned

It's a New York soap opera, and my heart is ruined

No. "Rooned".

And my heart is... what?

"Rooned". The word is "Rooned".

- "Ruined". - "Rooned".

- I'm... - R-U-I-N-E-D.

There's only one way to say it. "Rooned".

Ru-in-ed.

Okay, supposing I asked you, in the past tense,

how did you kill a whale?

- Is this a riddle? - No.

It's a simple question. How do you kill a whale?

I'm really intimidated by you right now.

You harpoon it, right?

Now say that in the past tense.

- "Harpoon-ed". - Right.

Now take off the "H" and the "A" and "R".

- "Pooned". - Now switch that "P" with an "R".

- "Rooned". - Yeah.

You've got it now. It's a New York...

Soap opera and for love stay tuned

It's a New York soap opera, and my love is... is rooned

Perfect. Now she's gonna say "harpooned" on this take, but that's not my fault.

Okay. This was a good exercise. Hi, Judy.

Hi.

Hope to see you at our holiday party tonight, Joe.

Holiday party?

God, no.

Hark the herald angels sing

Glory to the newborn king

Peace on Earth and mercy mild

God and sinners reconciled

[Music tempo increases]

If I'm being honest, it was all very harrowing

When the invite came for an evening of caroling

I don't like singing, I'm not much for conversation

And the combo of the two gave me such hesitation

I took a little something just to dull all the edges

Either that or I was certain to be jumping off the ledges

I'm really quite sorry, but I'm going to admit it

I'm really so sorry, if I could I would quit it

But the fact of the matter is I did a little cocaine tonight

God rest ye merry gentlemen

Let nothing you dismay

Remember Christ our savior was born on Christmas Day

I'm trying to relax but instead I keep finding

That I'm sweating from my brow

And my teeth won't stop grinding

And my mouth is as dry as the sand of the Sahara-y

So I miscalculated and I chugged down a sherry

The whole room is spinning and I want to take a knee

But instead I'll sneak a bump as I hide behind the tree

I'm really very sorry that I can't stop talking

I'm so very sorry for my chirping and my squawking

But the fact of the matter is I did a little cocaine tonight

Oh, man, here comes Ann

She's the athlete from 12G

She's the knees of the bees

Always making eyes at me

It would seem such a dream

If I asked her for a dance

But I just blew a rail and I'm gonna shit my pants

- Hey, Ann, I'm Joe but of course you know

- Hey there, Joe, yes, Joe, I know

- I don't know why I'm telling you so

- I was just about to go

- I just got here and grabbed a beer

- I'm partied out without a doubt

- Are people singing or is it clear

- When it comes to singing I can do without

- You look stunning, is your nose running

- Truth be told I have a cold

- I can get a tissue if it's an issue

- Oh, hell, I'm lying there's no denying

If I come clean don't start a scene

But in this moonlight, you're such a sight

That it just feels right to admit I did

A little bit of cocaine toniiiiiight!

- Do you have more? - I can get some.

This will be take one of "My Home Court".

And we're gonna get the dialogue

before the orchestra comes in, please?

Yes, right. So in this part of the show, Dee Dee's character

is trying to get an apartment in the building.

Right, so she's before the co-op board,

but to her, she's just one of the tenant's tennis coaches.

- Hmm. - So it's a... it's a wish song.

It's also a co-op board meeting.

It's a fantasy fulfillment song like.

"My Boy Bill" in "Carousel", which is a flawed show,

but it's still an "I want that" number.

Yes. It's also an "application for an apartment" number.

It's a "bureaucratic apartment

co-op board fantasy fulfillment" song.

Okay, let's roll!

Dee Dee, darling, when you're ready.

Norman: Thanks for the lesson today, Ann.

Be sure to ice that tennis elbow.

Say, do you know where the co-op board meets?

In the multi-purpose room. Why? Are you lost?

No. I have a meeting...

to be approved!

I'm a pro down at the bubble

I teach tennis for my pay

I don't mean your board much trouble

But may I join this game of doubles?

Can I play if I can pay?

You'll have questions with some top spin

And my answers may be lobs

But if you serve then I will volley

And we'll rally tilt its folly

And I'll earn 8K's key fob

The world out there is made of only grass and clay

Gimme concrete, be a sport I can conquer on that court

That apartment my home court

I can picture that studio fitted out

With my style

A brown and beige kinda mood, you know

And metro-hex Green tile

A framed Navratilova hangin' just above the sofa

And the brown and the beige and the brown and the beige

And the brown

There's a nude by Avedon just above the toilet

A naked guy with pubic hair and he's sort of...

I won't spoil it

The right erotic art

Says I'm sexual but smart

And the brown and the beige and the brown and the beige

And the brown

I'm gonna make a life up there

And the brown and the beige and the brown and the beige

With floor to ceiling teak

And the brown and the beige and the brown and the beige

It's a palace of 500-square

But it's Polynesian chic

Don't think it's an insane wish

That my chairs be winged and Danish

And the brown and the beige and the brown and the beige

And the brown

I'm laying my dreams on you

I already bought a fondue

And the brown and the beige and the brown and the beige

And the beige and the brown

With the brown and the beige and the brown and the beige

And the Brown!

Brown!

What a night, huh?

It's you guys I feel sorry for.

I mean, you know, you got to sit here and memorize these songs, these notes.

Jesus, look at all that.

You know, but I think we got it.

How am I? I'm good.

You know, I mean these things... they come and go,

but you guys... you're the artists.

I can pull the wool over the audience's eyes,

but you're there every night. It's your...

your opinion that I trust.

Am I bad at singing and acting?

Benedict: This is "I Gotta Go", take one.

Look at me, Cinderella

Stroke of midnight

Footmen? Gone.

My glass slippers?

Now they're Merrells

And Prince Charming?

He's just Ron

Spell is broken

Unenchanted

Sheets are soiled

Linens she picked up at Bloomies

For a marriage that I spoiled

I got to go, I got to go

God damn it.

Benedict: Okay, okay, hold a moment.

- I got to go! - I said "hold a moment", please.

Patty: Benedict, I've been here for 12 hours.

Let me just remind you.

I was supposed to sing at the beginning.

I was denied that opportunity again and again.

Now I have to go, so let's just do this,

and I'll try to do my best.

It... it... the whole thing is flaccid.

It's like a buoyancy, you know?

I agree. [Sighs]

Uh, Patty, once more from the top, please.

I got to go, I got to go

God damn it.

I got to hail a pumpkin coach

Aah!

"I Got to Go", take 11.

Patty: Benedict, just so we're clear,

earlier, many times, I mentioned

I had an eye-doctor appointment to get my eye scraped.

I have already taken the medication,

and it's ripping through my system,

so we need to be brisk with this.

Let's just do it.

And I got to go

I should do better or different than this

No [bleep] kidding.

"I Got to Go", take 15.

"I Got to Go", take 20.

I've got to go

Aah!

I got to hail a pumpkin coach

- [Bleep] sake. - Take 22.

I want to go

I want to go to the eye doctor now

As previously stated, you pompous beta males

"I Got to Go", take 27.

You know what? I'm just gonna go.

I hope you all have terrible lives.

Thank you. Wonderful job, orchestra.

And I worry we pushed her too far.

Actors have a point where over-noting

can almost hurt the performance.

Listen, she'll be back, and she'll be great.

If there's two things I know, it's women

and exactly what's going to happen in the future.

[Instruments tuning]

So I got to go

If I don't go, I'm gone

My life's past midnight

I got to go

Where there's breakfasts and crosswords

And "see ya tomorrow"s after the night

I got to go, I got to, I got to go

The world is a question

This room is an answer

And the answer is no

I got to go, I got to be free

Me!

Donna Bloom!

Oh!

Simon: Patty, honey, it's Simon.

You took that right off the page, and you made it soar.

Patty, Patty, come in here. We want you to listen to this.

C-Come listen inside.

Oh, the poor girl, she's blind as a bat.

[Instruments clattering]

Alright. The moment we've all been waiting for.

The last song.

This is the last song of "Coop".

- "Co-Op". - "Co-Op"!

- "Co-Op". - "Co-Op". Excuse me.

It has been a long 24-hour recording session,

and you all got terrible reviews,

and the show is closed, but you know what?

Let it go. That's my gift to you.

Simon: And we need to clear the space.

That's right. Poco's coming in to record an album, so we got to move fast.

Simon, was there anything you wanted to say?

When you lean into a rhyme,

you shatter the conversational tone of the lyric.

It's like nails on a blackboard to me, and I love you all.

Beautiful. Alright. Let's roll tape.

Five, six, seven, eight...

Excuse me! Wait! Damn it, kid!

You pushed my buttons.

You literally pushed every elevator button.

Awful lot of spunk, what a little punk

Hits every goddamn floor, runs out the door

I knew that that kid stunk

From one look at birth

I knew this day would come

Now he's a hoodlum

Going down?

We are going up

Are you certain?

Yep

Adam Klein, that prick pulled a little trick

Ugh, when will he grow up?

Kids like that don't grow up, no

They shoot up and die!

Man, you're an angry guy

I know

All I ever wanted was to not be a doorman

Maybe play for the Yankees

Or be wealthy in general

But we don't get what we want

So we must love what we get

Would you like to go out socially?

Uh, down?

No, we're going up

Some [bleep] kid pushed every floor

But come and ride because it's merrier with more

Yes, we're going up

Up to the penthouse in the sky

All 'cause little Adam Klein's a shitty guy

Yes, we're going up

Moving?

Moving so to speak

Not to be oblique

But the truth is I live somewhere else

It's unique

Til today I was lately a home-wrecking sneak

It was pretty bleak

Going down?

Ha! Here's the bastard now.

- Jesus Christ! - Have you any shame?

- Oh, my God.

- This the guy that cheats?

And I've the receipts

And his tipping is lame

Does the whole co-op suddenly know my affairs?

Care to take the stairs?

Ha, the stairs.

Yeah, right, I hate the stairs.

I mean, going down them isn't the worst, but going up...

Stairs in either direction is a nightmare.

God, I love elevators.

God, I love this co-op.

All: Me, too!

Me, three!

Yes, we're going up!

Co-ops crudely cooperate

It's a hassle, but still somehow kind of great

So we're going up

In this rising purgatory

Checking in on everyone and every story

Yes, we're going up

And the brown and beige and the brown and the beige

- And the brown.

- Yes, we're going up!

And the brown and beige and the brown and the beige

And the brown and beige and the brown and the beige

Co-op, I love you!

Sync and corrections by FunnyFunk

Repair and Synchronization by Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0