Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: {1110}{1158}Ally, can we get to the recap? {1156}{1182}You remember the Kowalskis, {1182}{1217}they've owned the shop for 30 years, {1217}{1265}and they are attempting to set a record {1265}{1312}by making Buffalo's largest cookie. {1312}{1353}And� you have to wear this. {1353}{1382}A hair-net? {1382}{1408}Health Department... {1408}{1434}You are kidding!... {1434}{1482}You're working along the cookie,|you have to follow the law. {1482}{1529}I just did the hair. The hair is perfect. {1529}{1577}All right! Give it to me... {1661}{1737}God, why do you hate me? {1737}{1770}We're rolling� {1770}{1809}... and speak. {1809}{1937}For 3 decades the Kowalski family bakery|has been a mainstay in downtown Buffalo, {1938}{2034}known for their sinfully-sweet,|cream-filled Polski piroghis. {2034}{2130}and the occasional sugar-induced comma that follows. {2130}{2203}But today, in honor of their 30th anniversary {2203}{2285}they invited us to ride along {2285}{2380}as they go for the record of Buffalo's biggest cookie. {2431}{2526}Vol? Vol? Do you need a tissue or something? {2535}{2605}Can we get Vol a tissue?|Or a spoon? {2605}{2724}Good that I was wearing this today.|�Cause we wouldn�t want any stray hairs into the dough. {2724}{2752}You wanna do this again? {2752}{2796}No. We can cut and move on. {2796}{2836}Moving on! {2836}{2867}So, tell me momma, {2867}{2944}why make Buffalo�s biggest cookie? {2944}{3015}Well, man from Health Department {3015}{3111}say he find rat pellet in our pastry. {3127}{3222}But I say: No! Is big chocolat sprinkle! {3228}{3295}But he shut store down. {3295}{3365}So we clean up, {3365}{3402}make big cookie {3402}{3488}for to bring customers back.. {3488}{3537}Oh, I admire your candor. {3537}{3587}Let�s try that again, shall we?? {3587}{3633}So, tell me momma {3633}{3703}Why make Buffalo�s biggest cookie? {3703}{3798}So the children of the neighborhood will be happy? {3825}{3919}That�s right. It must be wonderful|to see the smiles on their little faces. {3919}{4014}I work in back, I see no smiles. {4065}{4137}The previous Buffalo record was 8 feet 7 inches {4137}{4203}made by Gladys Pelznick. If this cookie beats Gladys�s {4203}{4241}it�s going to prove once and for all {4241}{4304}that the Kowolskis have much more free time. {4304}{4385}And the cookie is...|10 feet 4 inches!!! {4385}{4442}We have a new record! {4477}{4548}We need some inspirational music! {4965}{5029}But what are we really looking at here? {5029}{5077}Is it just a big cookie? {5077}{5152}Or does this cookie represent the pride of Buffalo? {5152}{5230}It�s dedicated and hard-working citizens|the key ingredient. {5230}{5296}� with a few nuts thrown in. {5296}{5386}And finally, the love of our families, {5386}{5438}which provides the warm chewy center {5438}{5532}making our beloved Buffalo the sweetest place to live. {5543}{5650}And that�s the way the cookie crumbles�|I�m Bruce Nolan. {5654}{5718}Eyewitness News. {5777}{5819}What do you think? {5819}{5865}I think it�s really good. {5865}{5889}It sucks! {5889}{5925}A story about a cookie!... {5925}{5975}Pilsbury Doughboy would be disgusted. {5975}{6067}Honey, it was funny, it made me laugh! {6067}{6118}It�s nothing wrong with making people laugh! {6118}{6156}I�ll never be an anchorman! {6156}{6178}Not with this. The job�s right there! {6178}{6203}But I can�t reach it. {6203}{6235}Because every time they make me do {6235}{6275}this kind of stuff {6275}{6333}I have that act like a total goof|in order to make it work.. {6333}{6376}I have no credibility. {6376}{6419}Not good� Not good! {6419}{6467}Well, now you just sound silly. {6467}{6491}You know what, forget it. {6491}{6543}It�s not important! Right?|It�s not important! {6543}{6587}Let�s watch it one more time.|- Oh, no. {6587}{6615}Just once more.|- No. {6615}{6643}Please.|- No! {6643}{6731}Bruce, you promised that would help me with this photo album! {6731}{6780}Now you get your goofy but over here! {7020}{7115}Now you just go through this stack|and pick your favorites. {7200}{7261}Oh, come on, this is fun, right??|Isn�t this fun?. {7261}{7307}This is nice... {7307}{7376}Evan is gonna get that anchor job {7376}{7403}Bruce!|- He�s a favorite!. {7403}{7477}You know what, let�s forget it,|let�s just forget it... {7477}{7572}This is just our life, we can always|have some kid do it for us. {7600}{7644}Whoa, hold the phone!... {7644}{7695}I like like this one. {7695}{7724}Our weekend at the lake. {7724}{7748}Where did you get that? {7748}{7791}That was supposed to be in our private stash. {7791}{7821}You look look perky, huh?|must�ve been cold... {7821}{7869}All right, just give it to me. {7869}{7912}No, I�ll put this on my computer,|use it as wallpaper. {7912}{7959}OK, give it to me, come on! {7959}{7990}No, no, no. {7990}{8075}All right, fine! Do with it what you will.|I don�t care! {8075}{8170}I will do with it what I will. {8183}{8233}You know what, I might even send this to Playboy. {8233}{8293}I hear their way-outs can be quite tasty... {8293}{8365}All right, give it to me! Right now! {8365}{8419}Professional fighter! {8535}{8630}Sweetie, time to get up. {8637}{8732}Nooo, good dream! No... {8950}{9016}Well, the 'Buffalo Sabers' lost again last night {9016}{9060}at the hand of the 'Toronto Maple Leafs'. {9060}{9140}Of course they lost. They�re my team! {9140}{9192}�that�s the way the cookie crumbles�� {9255}{9302}You know, I think there might be something|to this cookie line� {9207}{9349}All the greatest anchors have had|their own signature sign-out. {9445}{9501}� and that�s the way it was� {9501}{9577}� and that�s the way the cookie crumbles�|Aha, aha, I like it! {9719}{9757}Oh, no� {9757}{9782}Grace, the dog! {9782}{9814}I�m in the shower! {9925}{9984}Bad dog! {9984}{10141}Inside bad, outside good. {10202}{10274}Oh, you�re done now! Great. {10274}{10370}B-E-A-UTIFUL! {10385}{10480}Come on. Let�s go back inside and have a shit! {10564}{10622}What is the deal? {10622}{10673}We are having a blood drive. {10673}{10724}Creepy. Needle scare. {10724}{10755}They need my blood. {10755}{10827}I have a very rare blood type. I am AB positive. {10827}{10930}Oh? I�m IB positive. �I be positive�|they�re not touching me with no needle! {10930}{10983}This is so� {11015}{11045}Helpful and life-saving.|- Not, is it�s blood. {11045}{11116}It�s blood. Blood is supposed to stay inside the body. {11116}{11157}That�s how it�s meant to be. {11157}{11225}They must be stockpiling this stuff|in a warehouse, it�s all frozen on ice {11225}{11281}and they tell everybody there�s a shortage. {11281}{11345}It�s not true.|Where did you hear that? {11345}{11381}From a very reliable friend of|a friend of a girl {11381}{11472}whose sister is going out with a figure|very high up in the government. {11472}{11535}But for your own protection,|I cannot discuss it at this time. {11535}{11630}Now get out, before they see us together. {11679}{11727}Oh, here, hold on. {11727}{11761}You need to these more than I do. {11761}{11800}What is �these�? {11800}{11894}Prayer beads, the kids made them for me.|They will keep you safe. {11923}{12018}I hope they�re powerful! I�m gonna need|a friggin� miracle to get to work on time! {12261}{12353}This isn�t happening. Not now! {12353}{12403}Not this week. {12403}{12500}Not this week! {12500}{12553}Oh Gosh. {12553}{12619}Yeah! Yeah! The meeting started! Without me. {12619}{12714}This is my luck! {12835}{12930}Oh, God.|Come on! {12977}{13019}Jesus! {13152}{13181}Are you blind? {13181}{13277}No, but I am late! {13301}{13374}Is your child in dire jeopardy? {13374}{13432}Find out tonight, after the game. {13432}{13471}OK, promos are approved. {13471}{13544}Jack, should we be focusing on Pete�s retirement? {13544}{13587}I mean this IS his last week! {13587}{13640}Yeah, Jack, any word on the open anchor position? {13640}{13707}Evan, if I know something, you will know something. {13707}{13771}Sorry, I�m late! {13771}{13805}The traffic. {13805}{13872}You guys already played the spots? {13872}{13915}Tonight�s story, Bruce {13915}{13963}But we�re gonna go with Evan�s piece. {13963}{14016}The sex scandal in the mayor�s office for sweeps. {14021}{14116}Oh, yeah... Sweeps. {14140}{14235}� and that�s the way the cookie crumbles. {14240}{14287}I�m just messing with you, Bruce. {14287}{14430}See, you just got to remember that|the news room is like a big cookie. {14491}{14518}You like jazz, Evan? {14518}{14542}Yes. {14542}{14636}Then I�ll play something for you. {14758}{14788}I can hold that note all day, buddy. {14788}{14831}Knock it off, guys. {14831}{14887}Bruce, we�re gonna keep your story in reserve. {14887}{14926}Now can we get back to the board? {14926}{14979}So that we have something to put|on the air, today? {14979}{15052}Great choice, Jack!|This is the Cadillac of bolognas. {15052}{15079}OK, thanks. {15123}{15155}Yes, sure Bruce, what do you need? {15155}{15190}Sweeps... {15190}{15214}Oh, Bruce� {15214}{15235}Jack� Jack! {15235}{15286}Hear me out here. I�m starting to get desperate, man. {15286}{15344}I�m pusing 40. What have I got to show for it? {15344}{15403}I�ve hit some kind of ceiling here. {15403}{15454}There�s an antiBruce barrier that I can�t get past. {15454}{15532}And Evan, he�s loving it, by the way... Loving it! {15532}{15628}He gets all the stories, all the sweeps.|Maybe I should be more like Evan. {15628}{15673}You want to be like Evan? {15673}{15700}Evan is an asshole. {15700}{15727}I can be an asshole. {15727}{15774}No Bruce, you can�t. {15875}{15908}Are you going to pick that up? {15908}{15958}No.... I�m sorry� {15958}{16036}It�s just this anchor thing that�s driving me nuts! {16036}{16062}Hi Susie. {16062}{16078}Hi Susie. {16078}{16150}Hi Jack. {16150}{16246}Look Bruce, you are a better reporter.|You make people laugh! {16246}{16341}All right, look.|Today is the 156th anniversary|of the Maiden of the Mist. {16350}{16439}I want you in Niagara Falls in an hour. {16439}{16488}The Maiden of the Mist?|It�s always live... {16515}{16567}But Evans is the one that does the live feeds... {16567}{16636}Now you AND Evan get the live feeds. {16636}{16700}I�m going live?|And sweeps? {16700}{16759}You�re interested, Bruce?|I�ll see your out-takes. {16759}{16824}Jack, you�ll not regret this.|And I�ll not forget you. When I go national. {16895}{16989}Hmm� can you?|Thanks, pal. {17018}{17062}Can I have your wish now? {17062}{17086}I�ll put it in the wish jar.|Thank you. {17086}{17112}Ok. {17162}{17224}Look at that! That�s a big wish! {17232}{17301}Oh no, no! Mark, don�t eat that! {17329}{17369}Don�t put that in your mouth�|That�s paste, honey! {17429}{17497}That must�ve tasted awful. {17497}{17547}Mommy! {17547}{17591}My small Zoe! {17591}{17639}Did you have a good time with aunt Gracey today? {17639}{17691}See how nice this is? {17691}{17737}A baby on the hip?|- Oh, is incr?vel {17737}{17832}Oh, it�s amazing, you became mom.|The transformation is complete! {17858}{17886}I�ll get it. {17886}{17912}Small Wonders daycare. {17912}{17936}Grace? {17936}{17997}No! It�s Debbie. The sister whose life|you�ve not wasted. {17997}{18053}All right, OK, OK.|- Bye Debbie! {18053}{18145}Hi! Sorry, Debbie forgot to take her meds today... {18145}{18201}Where are you? {18201}{18249}Oh, a little place called The Winners� Circle! {18249}{18310}I�m at the Falls, doing a live report. {18310}{18358}Live? That�s great! {18358}{18431}Yes! It�s happening, hon.|I got sweeps and I�m live. {18431}{18505}You know what that means? That I am able to walk on my feet. {18505}{18575}You know, like I might have to do|in a live news anchor situation... {18575}{18611}Oh, my Gosh...|- Yes! {18611}{18659}That�s what we�ve always talked about, Grace. {18659}{18697}Jack practically told that to me. {18697}{18730}Practically? {18730}{18789}Well, he didn�t spell it out, but legally he can� {18822}{18872}But that is exactly what happened to Susan Ortega {18837}{18913}before they bumped her up to the desk!. {18913}{18941}That�s good, that�s good. {18941}{18967}That�s GOOD! {18967}{19077}Ok� Oh, honey, you know, I just don�t want you|to get too ahead of yourself. {19081}{19131}Bruce�|- I gotta go, they�re calling me in. {19131}{19177}Ok, honey, good luck! I love you! {19249}{19299}Let�s do it. {19299}{19345}They want you close to the fall. {19345}{19395}Really? I�m gonna get soaked! {19395}{19443}That�s the point. They want you to put this on. {19443}{19493}Part of the conditions for us getting an exclusive. {19493}{19585}You know what?|Nothing can bother me today. {19585}{19752}Ok, now remember, it�s the|156th year anniversary, 149 capacity, {19767}{19829}they cater to tourists, honeymooners� {19829}{19861}I got it. {19861}{19897}OK. {19897}{19927}And you are going to be interviewing Irene Dansfield. {19927}{20023}Irene! A pleasure to meet you. Really. {20023}{20067}You look beautiful. {20067}{20103}Irene�s mother was on the maiden voyage. {20103}{20139}Wow! I am impressed! {20139}{20151}Nine seconds! {20151}{20195}Nine seconds? Holly hell! {20195}{20257}OK, 9 seconds? {20257}{20317}� but because of the fast response, the toxic chemicals {20317}{20377}were cleaned up without incident.|Susan. {20377}{20436}Bruce Nolan is standing by in Niagara Falls {20436}{20500}But before we go out to Bruce {20500}{20545}we have an announcement to make. {20545}{20593}As everyone knows, after 33 years {20593}{20665}our beloved Pete Fineman is retiring. {20665}{20784}Pete�s shoes are virtually impossible to fill.|But the show must go on. {20793}{20870}And we can think of no one better than our very own� {20870}{20906}� Evan Baxter. {20906}{20989}Oh, God� {21025}{21055}Congratulations, Evan. {21055}{21150}Thanks Susan, I�m thrilled and honored, and as you said|no one can replace the great Pete Fineman {21171}{21201}but I will do my best. {21201}{21303}I have to say, I am so proud to be a part|of our local community of Buffalo {21303}{21416}and I think, in a lot of ways|a great city is like a great recipe. {21416}{21533}You take some hardworking citizens, some caregivers, {21533}{21628}maybe a few nuts� {21656}{21822}� all sprinkled with the love and support of our good families.|Ultimately that makes one sweet place to live. {21843}{21893}That was amazing.|- Oh, I meant it. {21893}{21941}I wish I�d written something better. {21941}{22013}And now let�s go live to that whacky Bruce Nolan|at the Niagara Falls. {22013}{22060}Hey, whacky Bruce! {22138}{22202}Bruce? Talk, Bruce. Hello? {22202}{22230}Talk, honey. Talk. {22230}{22257}What�s going on? {22257}{22286}We�ve got an Walt Disney. {22286}{22312}He�s frozen solid! {22312}{22352}He may not have the audio.|Check the feed. {22352}{22408}We may be having a bit of technical difficulty. {22408}{22445}The feed�s good, Jack. {22445}{22478}Come on. Talk, Bruce! {22478}{22520}Damn it! {22554}{22617}Oh, come on baby, say something! {22617}{22647}Bruce {22647}{22682}Talk! {22735}{22765}Hi, Susan! {22765}{22801}Thank you, God!|- Bruce Nolan here, {22803}{22901}aboard the Maiden of the Mist, in the fabulous|Niagara Falls, New York. {22901}{22997}First off let me give another congratulation {23002}{23091}to Evan Backstabber� pardon me, Bastard�|Baxter, rather. It is good to see {23091}{23246}what someone with real talent can do when|great opportunities are given to them instead of me. {23246}{23317}Anyway, I�m here with Catherine Hepburn�s mom {23335}{23362}Tell me, why did you throw {23362}{23456}the blue jewel over the railing in the Titanic? {23463}{23524}Did you feel bad at all while you let|Leo DiDicaprio drown {23524}{23596}while you were safe floating on the big door? {23596}{23709}Were you taking turns, or were you just too afraid|to freeze your big fat ass off? {23727}{23847}I guess that�s all life, isn�t it? Some people|are drenched, freezing to death on a stupid boat, {23847}{23914}with a stupid hat, {23914}{24009}while others are in the comfy news studio,|sucking up all the glory. Oh, well. {24057}{24114}Oh, look, there�s the owner of the Maiden of the Mist! {24114}{24158}Let�s have a talk with him, shall we?? {24158}{24227}Come here, Bill.|No no no, come on, let�s have a talk. {24227}{24280}What you are doing? {24280}{24347}You�ve been running the Maiden of the Mist|for 23 years. Tell me: {24347}{24386}Why do you think I didn�t get the anchor job? {24386}{24464}Look, I don�t want any problems.|- Is it my hair, Bill? {24464}{24500}Or my teeth are not white enough? {24500}{24539}Or like the great Falls, {24539}{24607}it is the bedrock of my life, {24607}{24702}Eroding beneath me! {24702}{24822}Eroding! ERODING! {24831}{24872}Cut the video. {24872}{24896}OK. {24944}{25002}I�m Bruce Nolan, for Eyewitness News. {25002}{25071}Back to you, fuckers! {25071}{25115}Oh, my God. {25288}{25352}That is the motivation that I needed! {25352}{25387}Right there! {25387}{25457}Thank you! {25457}{25520}Thank you, WKBW {25520}{25597}Wimpy kiddy baby whiners! {25597}{25687}That�s what it stands for! {25687}{25749}I�ll see you on Channel 5! {25749}{25796}Where they do the real news. {25903}{25938}Hey! {26008}{26080}What are you doing over there? {26080}{26147}Come on, leave the poor guy alone! {26147}{26229}Are you OK, man? {26229}{26295}Yeah, you better keep walking. {26295}{26339}What? What did you say? {26339}{26410}Run! {26458}{26515}Oh, God! {26515}{26624}Ok ok ok.. It was just a joke. {26624}{26708}Hey, you forgot your things! {26779}{26851}Say something now. Say something. {26938}{27129}B-E-A-UTIFUL. Pretty. {27152}{27273}That�s what I got... That�s what I got|for trying to help up some.... {27345}{27393}Oh, don�t look at me, Walter. {27423}{27518}Oh, no! {27527}{27622}That is my payment, I guess. {27622}{27669}That is my reward. {27778}{27826}Just? {27826}{27897}Just get a clue! {27907}{27947}Thank God you�re all right! {27947}{28005}God? Yeah, let�s thank God, shall we? {28005}{28067}For his blessings are raining down upon me. {28067}{28103}Wait! That�s not rain! {28103}{28140}Bruce, please don�t do that, honey. {28140}{28212}You know that everything happens for a reason. {28212}{28247}That I don�t need. {28247}{28291}That is a clich�. That is not helpful to me. {28291}{28334}�A bird in the hand is worth two in the bush�! {28334}{28382}I have no bird. I have no bush. {28382}{28431}God is taking my bird and my bush. {28431}{28463}Oh, I see. {28463}{28506}So God is picking on you,|is that what you�re saying? {28506}{28583}No! He is ignoring me completely! {28583}{28674}He�s far too busy getting Evan everything he wants. {28674}{28699}Oh, that�s great, Sam. {28699}{28727}But you missed your target. {28727}{28763}I am over here! {28763}{28787}Why are you getting mad at the dog?. {28787}{28825}It�s not the dog�s fault. {28825}{28859}No, it�s God�s fault. {28859}{28895}He gave him the wrong coordinates. {28895}{28932}OK, enough! {28932}{28961}Would you stop being such a martyr? {28961}{29018}I am not being a martyr. I am a victim! {29018}{29124}God is a mean kid sitting on an anthill|with a magnifying glass, and I am an ant. {29124}{29179}He could fix my life in 5 minutes if he wanted to. {29179}{29244}But he�d rather burn up my feelers|and watch me squirm! {29244}{29318}Sweetheart, I know you�re mad,|it�s completely understandable. {29318}{29437}What Evan did was slimy and wrong.|But this day could�ve been so much worse. {29440}{29489}I�m just glad you�re OK... {29489}{29539}OK?? Newsflash: I am not OK! {29539}{29606}I�m not OK with a mediocre job. {29606}{29659}I�m not OK with a mediocre apartment. {29659}{29754}I�m not OK with a mediocre life! {29922}{29975}So it�s that you think that we have? {29975}{30012}A mediocre life? {30012}{30046}Don�t make this about you. {30046}{30136}About me? How can I make this about me? {30136}{30183}It�s about you! {30183}{30219}It�s always about you! {30219}{30267}Perfect, perfect! {30267}{30387}I�ve had the worst day of my life|and � {30524}{30614}OK God� You want me to talk to you? {30614}{30690}Then tell me what�s going on. {30690}{30785}What should I do? Give me a signal. {30829}{30923}I need your guidance, please, send me a sign. {31013}{31108}Oh, what�s this joker doing now? {31198}{31292}OK, all right. I�ll try it your way. {31316}{31412}OK. Lord, I need a miracle. {31440}{31535}I Am desperate. I need your help, Lord. {31554}{31649}Please, reach into my life. {31649}{31728}Oh. What the h... {32803}{32861}Fine. The gloves are off, pal. {32861}{32956}Come on, let me see that wrath. {32956}{33050}Smite me! Oh, mighty smiter! {33050}{33123}You are the one who should be fired! {33123}{33232}The only one around here not doing his job is you! {33254}{33341}Answer me! {33665}{33737}Sorry, I don�t know you. {33737}{33832}I�d call you if I did. {34120}{34215}Oh God. {34293}{34388}Hello, 776 2323. {34939}{35034}No, this has got to stop! {35109}{35153}All right, let�s get it straigth. {35153}{35201}That�s house, this is the bathroom. {35201}{35301}House, bathroom. Bathroom, house. {35347}{35442}What�s the point? {36103}{36151}Denied that promotion at work? {36151}{36187}Is life unfair? {36187}{36223}Is there someone less talented than you {36223}{36263}reaping all the benefits? {36263}{36292}Is your name Bruce? {36292}{36358}Then do we have a job for you! {36358}{36438}We�re located at 77256, 23rd Street. {36438}{36533}So come on down, or we�ll just keep|beeping you. {36934}{37029}OMNI PRESENTS. {37036}{37084}OK. The glass is half full. {37084}{37156}Oh, Jesus! OH! {37156}{37219}Come on, look! {37219}{37314}What is this? What is this? {37366}{37461}Oh, Jesus� Thank you! Thank you again. {37810}{37899}You�re looking for room 7. {37899}{37967}Yeah, I figured. {37967}{38019}Want me to even those up for you? {38114}{38141}How do I get to room 7? {38141}{38233}That�d be on the 7th floor.|The stairs are right over there. {38233}{38283}I�d rather take the elevator. {38283}{38329}Out of order. {38329}{38378}I want the stairs though.|There�s always a second choice. {38378}{38431}You mind giving me a hand with this floor? {38431}{38503}What? That�s good. {38503}{38571}Are you serious? {38571}{38666}Oh, I� I�m kinda busy. {38666}{38697}Amm� Raincheck? {38697}{38783}I�ll hold you to it. {38783}{38878}I�m free on the 7th, at 7. {38915}{38986}7th at 7 it is. {39059}{39116}This looks promising. {39226}{39272}Hello? {39395}{39461}Hello? {39461}{39526}I�m looking for whoever runs this joint. {39526}{39565}Be right with you. {39565}{39648}I�m trying to fix a light.|Tell me if it�s working. {39648}{39707}Yeah. Seems to be. {39707}{39733}Kinda bright though. {39733}{39841}Yeah. It is to most people|who spend their lives in the dark {39841}{39925}trying to hide from me. {39936}{39988}Oh, the elevator�s broken, huh? {39988}{40083}Yeah, but� I�ll get around to it. {40094}{40130}You installed a clapper? {40130}{40224}No, but� catchy thing, isn�t it? {40224}{40272}Clap on, clap off. {40272}{40320}Clap on, clap off, the clapper! {40345}{40416}Just can�t get it out of my head. {40416}{40464}Oh, good luck with that. {40464}{40522}I�m gonna go now. {40522}{40616}OK, but the boss will be right up. {40759}{40827}You must be Bruce. {40827}{40923}I�ve been expecting you. {40923}{41017}This is hilarious. So you�re the boss,|and the electrician, and the janitor. {41026}{41078}Must be a killer Christmas party. {41078}{41173}Don�t get drunk though. One of you|might need a ride home. {41192}{41257}You always were funny, Bruce. {41257}{41305}Just like your father. {41305}{41364}He didn�t mind rolling up his sleeves either, son. {41364}{41452}People underestimate the benefits of|good old manual labor. {41452}{41487}Just think a minute. {41488}{41615}Some of the happiest people in the world,|go home smelling to high heaven at the end of the day. {41627}{41668}What is this? {41668}{41754}How do you know my father|and how did you get my pager number? {41754}{41811}Oh, I know quite a lot about you, Bruce. {41823}{41917}Just about everything there is to know. {41920}{42027}Everything you�ve ever said|or done or thought about. {42040}{42136}Right there in that file cabinet. {42136}{42208}Wow! A whole drawer just for me?|- Yes. {42208}{42314}Mind if I take a look?|- It�s your life. {42314}{42362}This ought to be good. {42730}{42823}This last entry was a little disturbing. {43082}{43133}�The gloves are off, God�. {43133}{43189}�God has taken my bird and my bush�. {43189}{43268}�God is a mean kid with a magnifying glass�. {43271}{43342}Smite me! Oh, mighty smiter! {43353}{43410}Now, I�m not much for blasphemy {43410}{43472}but that last one made me laugh. {43472}{43567}You spying on me? {43590}{43662}Who are you? {43662}{43707}I am the one. {43707}{43802}Creator of the heaven and the earth.|The alfa and the omega. {43826}{43881}Oh, I see where this is going. {43881}{43925}Bruce, {43925}{43956}I am God. {43956}{44001}Bingo! Yutsee! {44001}{44052}Is that your final answer? {44052}{44140}The answer is.. God! {44140}{44189}Well, it was nice to meet you, God. {44189}{44222}Thank you for the Grand Canyon {44222}{44270}and good luck with the apocalypse. {44270}{44310}Oh, by the way� {44310}{44368}You suck! {44368}{44432}You know what? It would have been|a little bit more impressive though {44432}{44506}if you hadn�t used the cheesy file cabinet illusion. {44506}{44550}Anybody with a brainstem can tell {44550}{44619}that that drawer has been fed through the wall|from the other side. {44619}{44715}All I have to do is find the crease.|Right around here. {44718}{44763}There is a seam here. {44766}{44835}A hollow spot... {44890}{44942}Where? {44942}{45037}Through a wall of concrete? {45062}{45150}OK, that is a good one. {45150}{45198}OK, how many fingers am I holding up? {45198}{45272}Now Bruce, �thou shall not tempt the Lord�.... {45272}{45302}Well, if you can�t do it� {45302}{45411}3! 2! 4! 9! 6! 8! 1! {45445}{45492}Ok. {45492}{45549}How many now? {45582}{45633}Seven! {45750}{45822}You�ve been doing a lot of complaining|about me, Bruce. {45822}{45870}Quite frankly, I am tired of it. {45870}{45940}Don�t come near me, seriously! When I�m backed|in a corner I�m like a wild animal. {45940}{45969}I don�t want to hurt you,|but I will out of instinct. {45969}{46081}You haven�t won a fight since grade 5,|and that was against a girl. {46095}{46183}Yeah, but she was huge, she had help� {46183}{46231}The sun was in her eyes. {46231}{46279}That ego! {46279}{46328}Anyway, I planned to offer you a job. {46342}{46366}What job? {46366}{46407}My job. {46407}{46437}You think you can do it better {46437}{46495}so here�s your chance. {46495}{46521}When you leave this building {46521}{46616}you will be endowed with all my powers. {46640}{46688}Whatever you say, pal. {46744}{46806}OK. That did not happen. {46930}{47008}No, no. I can find a better explanation for that. {47008}{47056}I am going through a breakdown,|that�s what it is. {47056}{47128}Normal everyday psychosis. {47134}{47216}Come on� Start! {47216}{47286}That was luck. {47383}{47441}Come on, calm down. {47441}{47481}You can not be God.|You don�t have his powers. {47505}{47576}If I was God, then I am Clint Eastwood. {47579}{47626}Holly hell! {47752}{47841}Be careful what you wish for, punk. {47841}{47922}No! {47922}{48013}I am a reasonable and sane human being. {48013}{48107}With a 44 Magnum,|the most powerful handgun. {48133}{48226}I am not Clint Eastwood.|I�m Bruce Nolan. {48631}{48679}This is not real.|This is not real. {48716}{48744}Coffee? {48744}{48789}Yeah. Coffee. Yeah. {48789}{48837}We have a special on soup today. {48837}{48881}No, that�s fine. Thank you. {48881}{48971}It�s tomato. I made it myself. {48971}{49017}Okay. {49018}{49065}Okay. {49835}{49869}Excuse me! {49869}{49963}I need a spoon. {50038}{50133}It�s OK, I found one. {50290}{50338}Here�s your soup. {50338}{50435}Oh, soup, right. Yeah, right. {51600}{51671}Having fun? {51747}{51842}Come, take a closer walk with me. {51857}{51901}Let me explain the rules. {51901}{51911}Rules? {51911}{51950}Yes, you left in such a rush {51950}{52030}I didn�t get a chance to explain. {52030}{52061}Two extra fingers {52061}{52122}freaked me out. {52122}{52169}I just figured I�d get your attention. {52169}{52256}I did the same thing on Gandhi.|He didn�t eat for 3 weeks. {52293}{52325}Anyway, here�s the deal: {52325}{52407}You have all my powers. Use them any way you choose.. {52407}{52440}There�re only two rules: {52440}{52536}You can�t tell anybody you�re God.|Believe me, you don�t want that kind of attention. {52536}{52630}And you can�t mess with free will. {52682}{52718}Can I ask why? {52718}{52765}Yes, you can! {52765}{52814}That�s the beauty of it! {52983}{53018}This is amazing! {53018}{53113}Speaking of amazing...|Excuse me. {53161}{53209}Holly sh.. {53209}{53247}Cow! {53247}{53318}Since you�re through with these,|I�m gonna keep �em.. {53318}{53366}Might come in handy some day. {53405}{53465}See you around, kid. {53465}{53493}Where�re you going? {53493}{53558}I�m taking a vacation. {53558}{53654}God doesn�t take vacations! Does he? {53657}{53729}Did you ever hear of the Dark Ages? {53729}{53825}Besides, I�m covered. You�re gonna|clean everything up in 5 minutes if you want to� {53825}{53873}Right? {53883}{53935}Ciao! {54976}{55062}And you saw it was good! {55628}{55723}B-E-A-UTIFUL! {55836}{55868}Check it out. Check it out. {55868}{55928}Check it out!. {55928}{56000}Oh look, it�s the hero.|�S up, homey? {56000}{56070}Yo, brethren? {56070}{56121}Blessings on your alley. {56121}{56164}Want another kick in the ass? {56164}{56221}You didn�t get enough?|You wanna get another, Mr. Hero? {56221}{56259}He wants some more. {56259}{56306}Surely I say onto you dudes, {56306}{56354}I do not wish to fight. {56358}{56403}So as soon as you apologize {56403}{56474}and make a full reckoning of the transgressions, {56474}{56547}I shall absolve you and continue|along the path of righteousness. {56564}{56659}What are you talking about, man? {56672}{56759}I don�t know if you lost it all|up in here or what, but check this out: {56759}{56816}You want me and my homies to apologize, right? {56852}{56876}I�ll tell you what. {56876}{56950}We�ll apologize, the day a monkey comes out my butt {56950}{57021}then you�ll get your �sorry�, how about that? {57033}{57072}What a coincidence! {57072}{57166}Because that�s today. {57536}{57608}Did that monkey just come out your crack, man? {57705}{57777}- This is witchcraft!|- He is the Devil! {57820}{57886}You guys leaving? {57908}{58002}Hey, don�t forget your parting gifts! {58608}{58664}Hey, you anal prowling butt monkey! {58664}{58759}Time for you to go home, little buddy. {59062}{59114}I am Bruce almighty! {59114}{59209}My will be done! {59819}{59856}My God! {59856}{59880}You can call me Bruce. {59880}{59909}What happened to you? {59909}{60005}You just seem so.. {60007}{60080}Happy. {60080}{60119}Why shouldn�t I be? {60119}{60145}On a night like this� {60145}{60193}These are amazing... {60193}{60217}What are these? {60217}{60313}A new breed. Cross-pollination|between tulips and daisies. {60313}{60408}I call them todaysies. {60410}{60479}OK. {60604}{60676}Honey, these flowers are really beautiful. {60676}{60698}But last night... {60698}{60793}Last night I was only human. {60873}{60914}Berry, help me out here. {62354}{62448}Oh. I�ve never seen the moon that big... {62794}{62842}Room? {62842}{62937}5 minutes! {63108}{63203}Light! {63244}{63305}I�ll be out in a minute! {63305}{63344}Don�t rush yourself. {63344}{63439}Some times anticipation can|heighten the pleasure. {63557}{63627}There�s a funny thing about pleasure� {63652}{63700}It can be quite� {63715}{63822}PLEASURABLE! {63831}{63926}Oh, my God! {64281}{64329}In international news {64329}{64403}Japanese relief workers are staging|a desperate effort {64403}{64474}to rescue hundreds of people stranded|by a freak tidal wave {64474}{64522}that hit Kidomoto city. {64521}{64563}Scientists say the tsunami {64563}{64615}may have been caused by what|they�re describing {64615}{64689}as unusual lunar activity. {64689}{64784}More on this as it develops. {64837}{64904}�protect my father, my mother,|and my little sister. {65020}{65097}�please, Lord, help me out of this crisis. {65416}{65511}Sam! {65941}{65994}Good boy. {65994}{66089}Aah! Forgot something? {66160}{66207}Good boy. {66207}{66274}There are girls in the house. {66319}{66390}Good morning!|- Good morning! {66393}{66440}I made your grilled cheese. {66440}{66488}My favy... {66488}{66523}Honey, last night was just.. {66523}{66572}Heavenly! I know. {66572}{66593}I mean� {66593}{66634}I woke up this morning and I felt {66634}{66681}like my boobs are bigger. {66681}{66729}Do they look bigger to you? {66729}{66755}What? {66755}{66851}Hum.. No.|Bigger... {66851}{66945}Oh come on, look at them... {66950}{66998}Please, they are definitely bigger, {66998}{67046}I mean, they look huge to me. {67046}{67097}Listen, I have that go. {67097}{67192}This has been the breast back�, breast� {67196}{67230}Thank you. {67230}{67266}Where are you going? {67266}{67362}To get my job back. {67559}{67640}Is that what I was driving? {67854}{67930}Whoa! Nice car, man. {67930}{68025}Yeah! It gets me from A to B. {68315}{68359}All this horse power {68359}{68454}and no room to gallop? {68459}{68554}Hi-ho Silver! Away! {68744}{68805}You certainly wouldn�t want to be a|fugitive on the run with Hank, {68805}{68888}Buffalo�s number 1 police dog,|on the job. {68888}{68960}This is Phil Simon reporting from the Police|canine training center, {68960}{68997}Channel 5 News. {68998}{69044}Cut it. {69155}{69222}Hey, look what the cat coughed up. {69222}{69283}Channel 7, right? You�re the guy|that went crazy. {69287}{69329}I had a bad moment. {69329}{69363}What are you doing here? {69371}{69400}Just looking for a story. {69405}{69429}There�s no story here. {69429}{69486}This pond is all fished out. {69486}{69539}You wouldn�t stand this stuff anyway. {69544}{69620}I don�t know. My instinct tells there�s something more. {69620}{69715}You could go with that.|Was certainly well in the past, right? {69883}{69977}Hey, Hank�s found something. {69977}{70049}We gotta body! {70049}{70071}Get the camera! {70071}{70121}No! {70128}{70169}The keys are inside! {70169}{70221}I guess every dog has its day. {70221}{70263}Hey kid, wanna make 10 bucks? {70263}{70287}Yes. {70287}{70313}Have you ever used one of these things? {70313}{70385}No. {70385}{70418}Seems to be in tune. {70418}{70456}Let�s do this. {70456}{70527}The body of Jimmy Hoffa was|uncovered in a field today, {70527}{70605}outside of a canine training center|in Buffalo, New York. {70605}{70657}Bruce Nolan was the first on the scene. {70657}{70696}Thank you, Jane. {70696}{70771}As you can see behind us,|the body is being carefully exhumed {70771}{70866}and will be transported to a medial facility|where DNA testing can {70866}{70890}confirm the identity. {70890}{70965}That, however, is merely a formality|at this point. {70965}{71060}As in a bizarre twist, the body was found buried|with the birth certificate {71060}{71103}and a complete set of dental record. {71103}{71165}I call that a red-letter day for any|canine unit. {71165}{71232}But was that enough for old Hank here? {71232}{71255}No, siree! Moments later {71255}{71334}He busted a local news camera crew {71334}{71393}with 100 kg of marijuana. {71393}{71439}I never saw that before! {71439}{71525}I swear! {71525}{71583}I am Bruce Nolan {71583}{71682}and that�s the way the cookie crumbles. {71857}{71924}Yes� Thank you, thank you. {71924}{71948}Hi, Bruce. {71948}{71976}Hi� Susan. {71976}{72017}Good work. {72017}{72112}I�m impressed. {72126}{72163}Jack, did you need me for something? {72163}{72196}Bruce, Bruce! {72196}{72246}Just the man I want to see. {72246}{72294}Hoffa� What are the odds of that? {72294}{72355}What are the odds of that?... {72355}{72382}Bruce, why don�t you sit down. {72382}{72412}OK. {72412}{72460}I am going to be straight with you. {72460}{72499}We want you back, Bruce. {72499}{72534}But I want that you understand {72534}{72602}it was not my decision to let you go. {72602}{72648}When the big guy gives the order� {72648}{72690}No harm, no foul, Jack. {72690}{72762}I needed some time to reassess my goals|and get in touch with my true self. {72762}{72790}You did that in a day? {72790}{72871}Imagine what I could do in 7� {72871}{72938}Look, Bruce, it is not in my power|to give you anchor. {72938}{72990}Now, as far a field reporting goes {72990}{73028}if you�re looking for a bump... {73028}{73074}Jack, let�s just cut the crap {73074}{73168}and get down to brass tags here. {73184}{73266}I�m kidding with you. {73266}{73338}Don�t even worry about it, my old friend. {73338}{73387}You just give me a camera, Jack. {73387}{73482}I�ll give you the news. {73627}{73716}My secret is to marinade everything {73716}{73771}in a spicy sauce {73771}{73867}for at least 24 hours|before I stir it into the chilli. {73867}{73915}Then I let it all come to a simmer. {74044}{74086}Hold it there, Hazel. {74086}{74131}You saw that? {74131}{74183}An asteroid or some kind of meteorite {74184}{74219}fell right outside {74219}{74267}the Mark Twain chili carnival. {74282}{74358}This should certainly spice things up a bit. {74358}{74421}The stories are all over town {74421}{74455}From the murder of Jimmy Hoffa, {74455}{74506}to a meteor crashing into Earth {74506}{74602}Bruce Nolan is rapidly becoming known as {74932}{75027}And that�s the way the cookie crumbles! {75140}{75190}Is it Bruce�s idea? {75190}{75259}He said he wanted me to have a day of beauty {75259}{75343}and luxurious serenity. {75343}{75368}I gotta tell you, {75368}{75419}He is really impressing me lately. {75419}{75509}You know where he�s taking me|to dinner tonight? {75509}{75538}Where? {75585}{75675}The Blue Palm??? {75675}{75721}Oh my God, I just got jealous. {75721}{75839}And he told me to prepare for the|most memorable night of our entire lives. {75844}{75926}Oh my Gosh, Grace, he�s gonna propose! {75926}{75966}No, stop it� No� {75966}{76029}Really? {76029}{76066}Yeah, really� Come on, you do the math: {76066}{76107}He sends you all day to a beauty spa, {76107}{76170}He takes you to the most romantic|restaurant in town, {76170}{76229}where you had your first date� {76229}{76277}Helloo! You know, I thought I�d never say this,|but Bruce is right, {76277}{76343}this is your big night.|Relax and enjoy it! {76343}{76414}Oh, God. {76488}{76583}Welcome to Eyewitness News at 6|with Susan Ortega, {76583}{76653}Evan Baxter,|Fred Donahue - sports. {76653}{76689}Dallas Coleman - weather. {76689}{76748}And now, Buffalo�s number 1 news team. {76748}{76787}Good evening and welcome to|Eyewitness News at 6. {76787}{76821}I am Susan Ortega. {76821}{76893}I am Evan Baxter, and here�s what�s making news. {76893}{76988}A potential scandal with the Buffalo PD|surfaced today, when the mayor� {77255}{77303}I�m sorry, I seem to have something in my throat. {77303}{77341}Somebody give him some water, please. {77341}{77436}It looks like my co-anchor may need|a glass of water! {77545}{77581}Here we go, sorry about that. {77581}{77620}In other news: {77620}{77700}The prime-minister of Sweden|visited Washigton today, {77700}{77795}and my tiny little nipples went to France. {77808}{77839}What did he just say? {77839}{77935}Check the prompter. {77935}{77976}The prompter�s fine. {77976}{78013}Evan, read the copy, please, {78013}{78072}the copy is good, just read it! {78072}{78153}The White House reception committee|greeted the prime rib roast minister {78153}{78248}and I do the cha-cha like a sissy girl. {78287}{78382}I lika do da cha-cha. {78506}{78600}I�m sorry, we seem to be having|some technical difficulties. {78600}{78695}In another news: {78719}{78818}My apologies... {80786}{80809}May I? {80809}{80904}Certainly. {80961}{81001}It�s perfect. {81001}{81097}She�ll love it. {81148}{81202}You know� {81254}{81318}I was going to wait till after the meal... {81318}{81390}� but I think it�s gonna burst out of me|like an alien if I don�t do it now. {81390}{81443}Oh, God. {81443}{81490}Ok. {81490}{81531}This is it, isn�t it? {81531}{81562}I do not know. {81562}{81605}I don�t know if I�m ready for this. {81605}{81687}I want to say I�m not ready for this,|I mean I don�t think I would have that� {81687}{81727}I am sorry, go on. {81727}{81771}I didn�t know this was so important for you. {81771}{81867}Me neither. {81894}{81966}Grace.|- Yes. {81966}{81976}Grace. {81976}{82070}Yes. {82138}{82203}I got anchor. {82275}{82312}Yes. {82312}{82377}Apparently, there was something with Evan, {82377}{82453}so he�s gonna finish up the week and {82453}{82543}I go live on Monday. {82543}{82614}That�s great, honey. {82614}{82662}I know, I know. {82720}{82771}So that�s what this is all about? {82771}{82835}Yes. {82835}{82876}Grace, we got anchor. {82876}{82974}Jack�s throwing me a party Friday night|at the Vanderbilt estate to celebrate. {82974}{82999}What�s the matter? {82999}{83094}Nothing. {83101}{83163}I was so stupid! {83163}{83211}Wow, it�s kinda loud in here, isn�t it? {83211}{83260}No, it�s not loud. {83260}{83308}Hey! Can you keep it a bit lower? {83308}{83355}Thank you! {83355}{83413}That was supposed to be funny? {83437}{83474}What did you say? {83474}{83558}What�s wrong with you? Stop yelling! {83587}{83682}Excuse me, I think I�ll take a little trip to the� {83720}{83791}The wine is going right through me. {83791}{83862}I�m so sorry, sorry... {83988}{84030}What is going on? {84030}{84078}What is this? {84078}{84173}Give me a break! {84230}{84326}Really something, isn�t it? {84346}{84395}Is this Heaven? {84395}{84464}No, it�s the Mount Everest. {84464}{84549}You should flip on the Discovery Channel|from time to time. {84549}{84608}But I guess you can�t now... {84608}{84659}� being dead and all... {84659}{84693}I�m dead? {84693}{84738}Nah� I�m just messing with you. {84738}{84781}That�s not funny, man! {84781}{84849}That is not funny! {84849}{84904}What about the voices in my head? {84904}{84945}Is that part of the hilarity? {84945}{84990}They�re prayers. {84990}{85064}And if you keep ignoring them,|they�re gonna build up on you like that. {85064}{85097}But it�s just noise. {85097}{85143}I can�t understand them! {85143}{85209}You�re not listening, son. {85209}{85263}Let�s see. {85263}{85337}You had my post for a little over a week now. {85337}{85431}How many people have you helped? {85473}{85531}I just care about a few things. {85531}{85594}I righted a few wrongs in my own life, first. {85594}{85621}OK? {85621}{85669}I was gonna help the others. {85669}{85710}I think I can help the world. {85710}{85740}The world? {85740}{85785}That wasn�t the world. {85785}{85879}Those were just Buffalo praying... {85930}{86011}I wouldn�t have started you off|on something you couldn�t handle. {86011}{86119}Well, you took the job, Bruce,|so I suggest you get to it. {86201}{86293}Prayers, prayers, ok, prayers. {86345}{86409}Organization! That�s what I need. {86409}{86459}A system. Something concrete. {86459}{86530}Concentrate. {86530}{86566}Files. {86566}{86661}Let all prayers be organized into files. {86753}{86801}Well, that takes care of the voices. {86801}{86896}Not exactly a space-saver...|Grace might notice. {86926}{86964}I know! {86964}{87059}Prayer post-its! {87346}{87399}OK, I need something of a lock. {87399}{87476}A security combination, a password. {87476}{87548}A password! {87612}{87671}You�ve got prayers! {87671}{87759}Well coming to the Revelations Supreme. {87759}{87854}You mass? No mess!|Downloading... Now. {88031}{88126}This is gonna take a while... {88211}{88305}1. 527. 503 prayer requests? {88383}{88479}Better manifest some coffee. {88505}{88714}Hello! Juan Valdez! {88915}{89010}Now that�s fresh-ground coffee|from the hills of Columbia! {89707}{89802}OK, I should have made some kind|of a dent, by now. {89846}{89929}Oh, come on! {89929}{89974}So many whiners! {89974}{90069}This is gonna suck my life. {90160}{90252}Yes! To all! {90252}{90299}There you go. {90299}{90394}Now everybody�s happy. {90549}{90591}I�ll drink to that. {90591}{90645}My tech stocks tripled in 5 days. {90645}{90707}You know something, John?|You seem taller. {90707}{90735}I am. {90735}{90770}My daughter pitched a new hitter. {90770}{90843}I lost 21 kilos on a Krispy Kreme diet. {90843}{90915}Hey, there he is, the man of the hour. {90915}{90951}Bless you. {90951}{91010}Bless all of you. {91010}{91070}Be truthful {91070}{91129}and do not commit sins,|or something. {91129}{91192}You should try that. It�s an excellent year. {91192}{91224}Hey, Bruce! {91224}{91262}How did you like the game today? {91262}{91312}I like the Sabers coach prays a lot! {91312}{91407}OK. {91864}{91918}Here is Bruce, Grace and Sam.|Leave a message. {91934}{91967}Grace? Are you there? {91967}{92008}Hello? It�s me. {92008}{92068}Hello. {92068}{92106}Come on, Grace. {92106}{92154}Come to the party. {92154}{92249}I�ll call you later, OK? {92270}{92366}Come on, Sam. {92377}{92471}Help me now, kid. {92490}{92584}Oh, Sam, don�t, come on! {92596}{92640}What is it you want, Berry? {92640}{92681}What do you want? {92681}{92714}You want the moon? {92714}{92802}Just say the word and I�ll throw a lasso|around it and pull it down. {92802}{92856}Hey, that�s a pretty good idea. {92856}{92898}I�ll give you the moon, all right? {92898}{92945}I�ll take it. {93477}{93572}Here is Bruce, Grace and Sam� {93577}{93673}Hi Bruce. {93673}{93721}What are you doing in here all alone? {93721}{93772}Alone� {93772}{93867}I mean {93882}{93954}I was gonna� give Grace a call. {93954}{94003}Yeah, I didn�t see her in there. {94003}{94075}How are you and Grace doing? {94075}{94157}Actually we had a bit of a fight. {94157}{94218}Kind of� not sure she�s�. {94218}{94273}You�re on fire, Bruce. {94273}{94349}Some women can�t handle the fire. {94349}{94411}Some can. {94411}{94457}That�s interesting, because� {94457}{94551}I never thought we would ever talk� {94770}{94866}Grace? {94997}{95034}You might wanna stop {95034}{95083}touching me now�. {95083}{95117}Grace! {95141}{95179}Grace! {95179}{95231}Grace, come here. {95231}{95307}It�s so weird, I was just calling you... {95307}{95393}Oh, and you thought that Susan�s mouth|was the phone? {95393}{95466}She kissed me.|I�m the kissee� {95466}{95512}Oh yeah, and you were putting up|a really big fight! {95512}{95549}I tried to fight her off, I tried to stop her, {95549}{95589}but she�s really strong. {95589}{95617}Ok! I screwed up! {95617}{95659}Can I make it up to you? {95659}{95707}Yeah, why don�t you give me a boat, Bruce? {95707}{95731}What? {95731}{95762}Yeah! A big boat. {95762}{95808}and maybe two big bags of cash. {95808}{95853}Then I�ll be happy. {95853}{95901}Lots of money and lots of stuff! {95901}{95951}Other people want idiotic crap, like {95951}{96021}getting married or having babies with|the man that they love for 5 years. {96021}{96051}But not me, Bruce! {96051}{96099}Just give me the boat. {96099}{96163}You wanted to stay single! {96163}{96199}Grace, do not do this! {96199}{96238}I�m not doing this. {96238}{96286}I�m undoing it.|I�ll be at Debbie�s. {96286}{96380}You take care of Sam until I make arrangements. {96405}{96484}You can�t leave me. {96484}{96537}I am the alpha, lady. {96537}{96622}I�m the omega, baby! {96622}{96716}OK, fine! I don�t need you. {96823}{96871}What�s the matter, Bruce? {96871}{96962}She can�t handle a little competition? {96962}{97057}The game�s been called|on account of rain. {97394}{97464}An unusually high number of lottery winners {97464}{97497}have left the officials concerned. {97497}{97579}More than 11. 000 winning tickets|have been turned in, {97579}{97659}all, strangely, from the Buffalo area. {97659}{97738}More on this story as it develops. {97738}{97795}Enjoying your party? {97795}{97890}Nothing like spending quality time|with good friends, huh? {97915}{97966}Grace left me. {97966}{98015}Yes. I know. {98015}{98072}She�ll take me back. {98126}{98182}She�ll take me back, right? {98182}{98276}Would you take you back? {98360}{98454}How do you make so many love you|without affecting free will? {98472}{98520}Welcome to my world, son. {98520}{98560}You come up with an answer to that one, {98560}{98624}you let me know. {98839}{98903}Rise and shine, Buffalo. {98903}{98997}It�s 70 and sunny, a perfect day to|forgive Bruce. {99220}{99248}Hello. {99248}{99295}Hi. {99888}{99933}Hi, can I get a small coffee to go? {99933}{99981}Sure, hon, just a second. {99981}{100086}K-TEL records brings you the 100|greatest love songs of all time. {100086}{100140}You�re gonna hear such classics as {100140}{100188}All you need is Bruce. {100188}{100228}If you can�t be with the one you love, {100228}{100272}then love Bruce. {100272}{100342}Do that to Bruce one more time. {100342}{100381}And who can forget that classic {100381}{100467}Bruce so horny. He love you long time. {100467}{100539}Order today, and we�ll throw in|at no extra charge the video {100515}{100574}Sweating to Bruce. {100574}{100643}Just dial 1-900-4 GIV-HIM! {100643}{100693}That�s 1-900-4 GIV-HIM! {100693}{100740}Do it now. {101393}{101454}Oh no, no. What�re you doing. Oh Gosh. {101454}{101499}Don�t put that in your mouth. Don�t eat that. {101499}{101553}Oh, that�s not good. Go to the bathroom. {101553}{101612}Please wash up your mouth and your hands. {101714}{101798}One more time and you�re gonna be|in a lot of trouble! {101785}{101859}All right, that�s it, that�s it! {101864}{101906}Hi. {101932}{102002}I surrender, I surrender! {102074}{102154}Hi... {102248}{102301}I�m� {102301}{102362}� doing my first anchor night. {102362}{102410}Wow! That�s great! {102410}{102457}So how have you been doing? {102457}{102512}Good.|- Yeah? {102514}{102542}Yeah, good. Just� {102542}{102585}Debbie won the lottery. {102585}{102617}Oh, yeah? You�re kidding� {102617}{102675}But I guess� so did 400,000 other people. {102651}{102746}So she won like� 17 dollars. {102821}{102893}I miss you. {103000}{103040}OK, I took the first step, {103040}{103084}jumped out on a ledge� {103127}{103170}� feeling pretty vulnerable too. {103170}{103213}I don�t know what you want me to say. {103213}{103239}Just say you love me and you want me back. {103239}{103269}No, Bruce� {103269}{103324}Come on, what about all the signs? {103324}{103379}How did you know about that? {103379}{103420}Did you talk to Debbie? {103396}{103465}Would it help if I just said I was {103465}{103499}a complete ass? {103499}{103537}Hey, you said �ass�! {103537}{103622}Yeah, but I was talking about a donkey. {103622}{103662}But I didn�t say �hole�. If I said �ass��� {103662}{103716}OK, OK, you know what honey,|let�s go, let�s go inside. {103716}{103760}All right kids, everybody inside! {103760}{103792}Time to go inside. {103792}{103839}Grace! {103839}{103887}Please. {103887}{103935}None of this seems right without you. {104023}{104071}I gotta go. {104071}{104141}Wait! {104269}{104340}How do you feel now? {104399}{104458}Have you completely lost your mind? {104458}{104487}Or are you drunk? {104487}{104558}I�m not drunk, I got the power� {104668}{104739}Love me. Love me! LOVE ME! {104884}{104955}I did. {105234}{105305}Yeah, I know. Free will� {105305}{105354}More power outages reported today {105354}{105400}caused by last week�s meteorite strike. {105400}{105490}Officials are desperately trying to repair {105490}{105568}several transformers damaged by the|ensuing electrical surge. {105568}{105628}The scene nearly turned violent {105628}{105675}when hundreds of disgruntled Buffalo residents {105675}{105738}protested last week�s lottery results. {105738}{105825}And doomsayers are pointing to|last week�s strange celestial events {105825}{105899}as signs that prophecy is now being fulfilled {105899}{105959}and world as we know it|may be coming to an end. {105993}{106037}The world�s gone mad. {106037}{106076}Bruce, 30 seconds. {106076}{106101}There we are. {106101}{106133}Your big debut. {106133}{106164}How�re you feeling? {106164}{106242}You know what? Fine, never better. {106242}{106290}The show must go on, right? {106349}{106375}What�s that? {106375}{106427}The Sabres won the Fraternity Cup . {106427}{106451}The Cup? {106472}{106497}Was that tonight? {106497}{106535}That�s great, isn�t it? {106535}{106576}It�s getting really crazy out there. {106576}{106628}We�re gonna kick live to Fred at the stadium, OK? {106628}{106674}5 seconds to the open. {106674}{106722}This is it! You ready? {106734}{106783}Born that way!|- Welcome to the Eyewitness News at 6. {106807}{106841}With Susan Ortega. {106841}{106885}Bruce Nolan, {106885}{106928}Fred Donahue � sports, {106928}{106963}Dallas Coleman - weather. {106963}{107009}And now, Buffalo�s number 1 news team. {107009}{107032}I am Susan Ortega. {107032}{107119}I Am Bruce Nolan, and here�s|what�s making news. {107143}{107173}What happened? {107173}{107201}We lost power. {107201}{107248}The transformer�s down again. {107248}{107319}Oh Jesus. It�s that damn meteorite. {107360}{107396}It�s OK, we�re back up. {107396}{107432}We apologize for the interruption. {107432}{107457}And now back to the news. {107457}{107468}Bruce. {107468}{107508}Thank you, Susan.|- I�m sorry. {107508}{107602}We�re going live to HSBC Arena,|where the Buffalo Sabres {107606}{107650}have won the Stanley Cup.|- Great. {107650}{107685}Fred.|- we Are ready {107685}{107768}We�re about to uncork some champagne|because the Sabres {107768}{107873}have won their first championship in 22 years.. {107912}{107948}What the hell... {107948}{108010}We�ll be back with the Sabers� Stanley Cup victory {108010}{108066}in just a hot second. {108060}{108090}In other news: {108090}{108116}What that hell! {108140}{108178}Oh, not again! What is it? {108178}{108206}The whole neighborhood is down. {108206}{108236}No, it�s not. {108236}{108326}In other news:|Fighting errupted {108326}{108370}in the Gaza Strip today {108370}{108392}as Israelis and Palestinians� {108412}{108433}Bruce. {108433}{108464}WHAT? {108464}{108491}We�ve got a situation here. {108491}{108516}They�re rioting right outside the station. {108523}{108566}You�re joking. {108566}{108619}The whole town is going crazy! {108731}{108778}Hey, Bruce, say something. {108783}{108825}Ladies and gentlemen, {108825}{108889}This just in: {108889}{109040}possibly the biggest breaking news|story this town has ever seen. {109198}{109282}And I gotta go. {109282}{109339}Sorry, Jack. {109339}{109434}Susan, it�s all yours. {109488}{109578}Sabres!|The Sabres rule! {109592}{109650}Down with the lottery! {109650}{109734}Prepare yourself! The is end is near! Prepare! {110025}{110091}Lottery of shit! {110091}{110165}Only 17 bucks! {110203}{110273}The Channel 7 lie! {110273}{110344}Oh no! {110615}{110686}God! {110743}{110804}God? {110804}{110862}Are you here? {110922}{110964}Hello! {110964}{110998}I need your help! {110998}{111069}Palms yes, palms yes. {111069}{111161}Clap on!|Clap on! {111253}{111325}Figures! {111379}{111420}Hello there. {111420}{111490}Bruce Almighty. {111523}{111574}Not as easy as it looks, is it, son? {111574}{111637}This God business. {111637}{111693}They�re all out of control! {111693}{111740}This mayhem, I don�t know what to do. {111759}{111842}Well, you�re right on time.|7 o�clock. {111883}{111978}7th at 7. {112311}{112381}All righty, then. {112413}{112451}There we are. {112451}{112511}That�s good. GOOD. {112535}{112577}It�s a wonderful thing. {112577}{112647}No matter how filthy something gets {112647}{112702}we can always clean it right up. {112728}{112814}They were so many. I just gave them all|what they wanted. {112814}{112838}Yes. {112866}{112949}And since when do they have a clue|about what they want? {113016}{113087}So what do? {113144}{113249}Parting a soup is not a miracle, Bruce.|It�s a magic trick. {113249}{113311}A single mom, {113311}{113359}who�s working 2 jobs,|and still finds time {113359}{113419}to take her son to practice,|that�s a miracle. {113419}{113515}A teenager who says no to drugs|and yes to an education, {113515}{113582}that�s a miracle. {113612}{113663}People want me to do everything for them {113663}{113707}What they don�t realize {113707}{113755}is they have the power. {113779}{113824}Want see a miracle, son? {113829}{113885}Be a miracle. {113968}{114015}Wait. Are you leaving? {114039}{114104}Yeah, I think you can handle things now. {114104}{114148}What if I need you? {114148}{114192}What if I have questions? {114192}{114287}That�s your problem, Bruce!|That�s everybody�s problem. {114292}{114363}Keep looking out. {114432}{114540}Order has been restored in Buffalo,|after this evening�s downtown riot. {114540}{114664}The state officials have suspended all,|lottery sales for further investigation. {115984}{116008}Thanks a million. {116008}{116036}No problem. {116036}{116084}God bless. {116201}{116273}Bruce giveth, Bruce taketh away. {116285}{116372}You don�t like it� {116566}{116610}Evan. {116617}{116664}Bruce. {116688}{116760}I suppose you�re here to gloat|about the anchor position. {116760}{116805}Go ahead.|Take your best shot. {116805}{116832}Actually� {116900}{116975}I just came to tell you that I�ve been|a royal prick. {116953}{116996}The anchor position is yours. {116996}{117053}I turned down the job. {117073}{117137}Well, I never really congratulated you|in the first place. {117164}{117215}Congratulations! {117269}{117315}Thanks, Bruce. {117315}{117353}In the financial world {117353}{117391}things are settling back to normal {117391}{117429}in what analysts are calling {117429}{117461}a fluke market fluctuation. {117475}{117515}You did the right move, Jack. {117515}{117544}So what about you? {117544}{117594}Are you ready to go back out there? {117623}{117683}To do the cutesy stuff?|The lighter side of the news? {117683}{117778}Lower and debase myself for the|amusement of total strangers? {117778}{117834}Yes, I could do that.|It sounds like fun. {117834}{117882}Good. {117900}{117942}OK, Sammy, let�s do it right. {117942}{117981}Follow the other dogs. {117981}{118071}I don�t want to make you feel bad,|but they�re laughing at you, pal. {118071}{118104}Come on, concentrate. {118104}{118179}Come on, do what you have to. {118179}{118251}What am I gonna do with you? {118291}{118364}I know this seems kinda crazy {118365}{118413}but desperate times {118434}{118509}call for desperate measures. {118509}{118601}OK, Sammy.|Do your thing! {118601}{118652}That�s it! {118652}{118724}Good boy! {118724}{118784}I�m training my dog. {119253}{119348}Yes! We did it! {119505}{119550}I�ll walk him up for you. {119550}{119613}Hi Deb. How are you? {119637}{119662}How�s Grace? {119662}{119756}I didn�t come to chat, OK, Bruce?|I came for Grace�s stuff. {119877}{119922}You need a... {119922}{119979}No, it�s OK, I�m fine. {120118}{120237}I wonder...|Maybe she wants that. {120336}{120429}This is full! You did all this? {120670}{120728}You know what I do every night|before I go to bed? {120728}{120848}I take my kids and maybe have a scoop|of ice-cream, watch a Conan... {120848}{120941}You know what Grace does? {120941}{121002}She prays. {121028}{121096}Most of the time for you. {121745}{121825}Wow, the woman does pray a lot. {121834}{121908}Find: Grace and Bruce. {122041}{122126}Dear God, please help Bruce.|He seems to be struggling. {122126}{122188}Dear God, give Bruce strength. {122188}{122225}Dear God, bless Bruce. {122225}{122269}Bruce, Bruce, Bruce! {122347}{122373}It�s her! {122410}{122514}She is praying now. Right now. {122538}{122609}Grace. {122658}{122763}Please, God. {122772}{122834}I still love him. {122883}{122955}But I don�t want to love him anymore. {122955}{123027}I don�t want to hurt anymore.|Please. {123027}{123099}Help me forget. {123099}{123166}Please help me let him go. {123166}{123274}Please, help me let him go. {123734}{123815}You win! {123816}{123865}I�m done. {123865}{123972}Please, I don�t want to do this anymore. {123972}{124033}I don�t want to be God. {124033}{124122}I want you to decide what�s right for me. {124122}{124221}I surrender to your will! {124925}{124951}Am I�? {124951}{125060}You can�t kneel down in the middle of a highway|and live to talk about it, son. {125061}{125100}But why? {125124}{125163}Why now? {125171}{125224}Bruce� {125224}{125296}You have the divine spark. {125296}{125415}You have the gift of being able to bring|joy and laughter to the world. {125416}{125488}I know. I created you. {125512}{125531}Quit bragging. {125531}{125623}You see? That�s what I�m talking about. {125623}{125694}That�s the spark! {125790}{125841}What do you want me to do? {125841}{125907}I want you to pray, son. {125907}{126060}Go ahead. Use them. {126129}{126212}Lord, feed the hungry. {126220}{126411}And� bring peace to all of mankind. {126432}{126459}How�s that? {126459}{126498}Great. {126498}{126565}If you want to be Miss America. {126577}{126613}Now, come on. {126613}{126685}What do you really care about? {126763}{126828}Grace. {126852}{126947}You want her back? {127047}{127126}No. {127126}{127198}I want her to be happy. {127217}{127270}No matter what that means. {127270}{127325}I want her to find someone {127325}{127482}to treat her with all the love {127482}{127589}that she deserved from me. {127589}{127685}I want her to meet someone {127772}{127846}who�ll see her always {127846}{127915}as I do now {128010}{128071}through your eyes. {128071}{128125}Now that�s a prayer. {128125}{128156}Yeah? {128156}{128200}Yeah. {128231}{128298}- That�s good.|- That�s good. {128298}{128346}That is GOOD! {128378}{128447}I�m gonna get right down to it. {128447}{128472}Clear! {128472}{128531}That didn�t feel very good. {128531}{128579}Clear! {128579}{128601}Got a rhythm? {128627}{128677}I got a pulse.|Let�s get him up. {128677}{128748}Let�s get a brace. {128820}{128874}Bruce. {128897}{128948}Bruce. {128972}{129008}Welcome back. {129032}{129081}You�re lucky of be alive, son. {129081}{129156}Someone up there must like you. {129495}{129594}Are you aware they keep that stuff|in a warehouse somewhere? {129662}{129717}Grace. {129741}{129811}Hi baby. {129836}{129940}Oh my God, look at you... {129940}{129998}I was such idiot. {129998}{130064}That�s OK. {130199}{130282}I don�t know what I would have done. {130282}{130415}I sort of wanted to be mad at you|for ever. {130681}{130765}Now you�re just showing off. {131000}{131032}Here is Bruce Nolan {131032}{131101}here at Buffalo�s first annual "Be the miracle"|blood drive. {131101}{131175}It�s a B-E-A-UTIFUL day. {131175}{131225}So come on down here, because the life you save {131225}{131261}could be mine. {131261}{131309}Let�s go over here with the Kowalskis, {131309}{131385}they cooked a very special cookie|just for this occasion. {131385}{131453}Sure it�s a little creepy� {131458}{131525}Thank you Momma, Vol, Finger, Nose. {131567}{131629}I myself have given blood|twice this week. {131629}{131677}For those of you who haven�t heard {131677}{131775}I�d like to introduce you to|the future Mrs. Exclusive. {131775}{131821}Grace Connelly. {131847}{131937}Look at her!|Isn�t she beautiful? {131958}{131985}She just gave blood {131985}{132052}and still has enough left to fill up her face. {132052}{132091}Yes, behind every great man {132091}{132152}there�s a woman rolling her eyes, folks. {132152}{132200}I�m Bruce Nolan for Eyewitness News {132200}{132270}with all the folks down here at the|blood drive, reminding you to {132270}{132348}BE THE MIRACLE! {132348}{132398}You heard them. {132398}{132455}Ok, cut it! Thank you, Bruce. {132455}{132524}Thank you, Ally. {132553}{132579}How was that? {132579}{132597}That was great!|- Really? {132597}{132641}That was really great. {132641}{132703}Now you should still go over there,|the nurse is waiting. {132703}{132727}Do I have to? {132727}{132762}No, it�s not gonna hurt. {132762}{132864}In fact, I think you�ll find it|quite pleasurable.66356