All language subtitles for The.Simpsons.S29E13.3.Scenes.Plus.A.Tag.From.A.Marriage.1080p.AMZN.WEB-DL.DD+5.1.H264-SiGMA

♪ Your face ♪

♪ Is like a song ♪

♪ Your sweet eyes whisper ♪

♪ And I want to sing along ♪

♪ Your features ♪

♪ Are in tune ♪

♪ Let's sing together ♪

♪ And turn every month to June ♪

♪ Your face hums ♪

♪ Makes me a happy fella ♪

♪ No more ♪

♪ Singin' a capella ♪

♪ No ♪

♪ Longer lonely ♪

♪ Lovin' you only ♪

♪ Your lips ♪

♪ With mine will rhyme ♪

♪ And when they touch me ♪

♪ It's a symphony divine ♪

♪ Your cheeks ♪

♪ Your ears, your hair ♪

♪ Weave me a melody ♪

♪ A melody so rare ♪

♪ Your face hums ♪

♪ Makes me a happy fella ♪

♪ No more ♪

♪ Singin' a capella ♪

♪ No ♪

♪ Longer lonely ♪

♪ Lovin' you only ♪

Okay, movie's over.

The superheroes are friends
again. Let's get out of here.

We can't leave before the
post-credits sequence.

Why does Jeremy Renner
need two assistants?

Shh. Here comes the sequence.

The Avengers were too
strong for us, my Lord.

What? Who's that?

That's Spider-Man's Uncle Ben.

He was alive the whole time.

And evil.

With great power, comes
no responsibility.

Finally.

What? You saw it.

That was a mid-credit scene.
There's more.

Who the hell are you?

I'm assembling a team of the best

team assemblers in the world.

And I want you to help me
put together that team.

Assemblers assemble!

Time. To. Go.

But there's two more credit sequences.

When I was a kid, movies
ended when they ended.

The only reason you
stayed for the credits

was to see who sang "The Power of Love."

And it was usually Huey Lewis.

I liked the first post-credit
sequence the best.

I liked the fifth.

Pipe down. I'm trying to listen

to preseason minor league baseball.

And with the last

of the Isotopes pitchers

receiving Tommy John
surgery on the mound,

that's the ball game.
Good night, everybody.

Stupid baseball traffic.

I'm taking a shortcut home.

Kids, look. We used to live
here before we were married.

It's the old Beef Rendering District.

Ah, yes, Tallow-town.

At the end of every factory tour,

they gave you a free glass of blood.

Huh, it's really gentrified.

Oh, a store where you grind and flavor

your own house made toothpaste.

Ooh. Mmm. Terrible.

There's our old building. Look.

Our fifth floor walk-up apartment.

Dad, you walked up
five floors every day?

No. I took the elevator

to the top of the building next door,

then crawled across a plank to our roof.

Hey! I pioneered that trail!

Yeah, great. Thank you, Kit Carson.

Kids, you want to check
out our old apartment?

Huh? Huh?

I can tell from your tone
that we're going either way.

I have one tone.

Hi. You don't know me,
but I'm Marge Simpson.

Oh, yeah, I recognize that name.

In fact, we still get mail for you.

Mm.

Ooh.

Aw.

Oh, thank God.

A list of 101 new choking hazards.

Pacifiers?

No! No.

Maggie!

Oh, here.

So can I get you anything?

Weed? Edibles?

Pudding with a joint in the center?

But we need you out by 7:00.

We Airbnb this place every night

while we stay at a cheaper Airbnb.

Mmm. Disruptive.

Before Homer and I got married,
we had amazing times here.

Yeah, right.

Like you could possibly
ever have fun without us.

It was a wonderful time.

- We were living the DINK life.
- Dink?

- DINK: Dual income, no kids.
- Oh, DINK.

How come you can say dink when
you're talking about your jobs,

but I can't say dink when
I'm talking about my dingus.

Before we had you, life was a breeze.

We'd go to amusement parks without going

on those stupid baby rides.

Squeezing my butt into a little biplane

that only goes four feet off the ground.

Actually, Dad, it's supposed
to go 12 feet off the ground.

- D'oh!
- It was a great life.

We were swimming in DINKs.

See? That was the key to
their happiness... no kids.

We've been talking about
starting a family,

but we're just not sure we're ready.

We can't even agree on
what to name our ferret.

Yeah, we both like Caitlin,

but we just, we can't
agree on the spelling.

Well, we used to be just like you.

Childless and partying every night.

Hey, check out who crashed
the party, Kent Brockman.

Ooh, he does the animal adoption
segment on Thursday mornings.

Eh? Eh?

Yes, the biggest problem with winning

a local Humane Society Golden Pig Ear

is just staying humble.

This celebrity sighting will be the lede

for my gossip column, "Marge Madness."

- Hmm.
- Ow. What are you doing?

There isn't even a dartboard.

You're Marge Bouvier?

Oh, I read your listings every week...

correct dates, very few
typos, professional stuff.

- Mm.
- Just steer clear

of pet shelters and fun
runs, those are my beat.

Mr. Brockman, you're hurting my arm.

Oh, I'm sorry.

I just care about soft news so much.

I had a job at a cutting
edge new company

that would change the world.

Homer, next week we finally
take our revolutionary

teeth whitening strips to market.

I couldn't have done
it without you, man.

Together, we make an amazing team.

Me, with my advanced degrees
in medicine, chemistry

and business, and you, with
your gentle good humor.

I hear that.

I love it.

It's like I know you're
not listening to me,

but I'm not mad at you.

- I'm sorry, what?
- Exactly.

Buddy, whatever I make,
you get a piece of.

I hear that. I mean, I really hear that.

Homer took me to the
hippest spots in town.

Oh, Homie.

This is the happiest I've
ever been in my life.

Hold onto it, Marge.

Hold on and never let go.

- The moment?
- No, the rail!

Oh, quit resting.

We'd see classic movies
whenever we wanted.

Hey, some of us are trying
to enjoy the movie.

No, none of us are.

At least I died before I'm 30!

Yes, he was 47 when he made this film.

Did you two lovebirds-a know

there's a meteor shower tonight?

Homie. We should drive
to the desert and watch it.

What about the kids?
Oh, right, we have none.

So why can't you do stuff like that now?

Why do you think?

It couldn't be me, Booze 'n' snooze.

Why you little...

Marge!

Pick up the narrative!

We were having the time of our lives.

And then it came.

Have some num-num.

Who likes num-num?

You like num-num?

Oh, there's a meteor shower tonight.

We'll do the next one.

It's in 187 years.

Where are they coming from, outer space?

Have some num-num.

Who likes num-num? You like num-num?

Where did this beautiful man go?

Dad,

I know it was fun to be young and free,

but how could you ever replace us?

Pool table, jukebox, and
a vacation to Bermuda.

Dad! Can you please get to the part

where you reassure us how
glad you are we're here?

Hey, as long as I'm the
pool table, I'm cool.

Sweetie, I treasure you.

But before you kids,

I used to know the names
of people in bands!

And not just the singer,
but the guitar guy!

And baby Bart was the worst son
of a bitch you could imagine.

We were the first of
our friends to have a baby,

so we got lots of attention.

- Aw.
- Aw.

Aw, hey, little man. Up high.

Down low. Too slow.

Again!

All right. Up high.

Oh! Ow! What was that?!

Oh, that's tangelo! Come on!

That's the most acidic
of all the citrus fruits!

I see now that even
babies don't respect you.

Were you planning on bringing
this brat to board game night?

Oh, sea salt!

The biggest crystals of all!

We don't have a sitter.

Invitation rescinded!

Next, baby Bart ruined
my one shot at success,

my only fast pass to cash mountain.

Yes, thank you. You won't be sorry.

We're goin' places, Homer.

Soon you'll be in a higher tax bracket.

D'oh!

What's that thing on your shoulder?

Uh, my son.

You can't have a kid.

But I have a kid.

A kid indicates you took time
away from me to conceive.

It's like a virus. It starts spreading,

and suddenly everyone's getting married

when they should be working.

Working. Always working.

Ooh.

I have a difficult choice here.

You chose me over money?

Ooh! I deserved that.

And that. Now he's worth $10 billion.

I still have his phone number,
but I've never called it.

Well, why not?

He loved you before.

You're the same guy.

Yeah!

Homer Simpson?

Buddy, is that you?

I've been expecting this call for years.

You remember me?

Of course. I've been waiting
to say something to you.

Are you ready?

I sure am.

Good-bye

forever.

Oh.

Closure is supposed to be a good thing.

Also, I'm afraid, a newborn and
a journalism career did not mix.

This is terrible! I wanted
quotes from the swing set,

not price quotes on swing sets.

Party pics, not potty tips.

Glitterati, not babysitterati.

Are you getting my drift
or should I throw you an oar?

It's important for new
parents to know this stuff.

New parents? Eh.

They're not the audience
for the Leisure Section.

All they care about are babies.

Babies are boring. I'd
rather talk about soccer.

And I hate soccer!

Marge, do you like bacon?

Yes, ac...

Well, you got one last
chance to save yours.

Get me a good nightlife
story, or I'm replacing you

with someone with a nightlife,
Barbara Rellalinsky!

I will get the scoop.

So,

you've moved into
painting giant schnozzes.

Marge, the mouth has had its say.

Now it's time to find out
what the nose knows.

That's a pull-quote,
if ever I heard one.

Pretty much everything
I say is quotable.

Well, not that.

What are you doing here?

I'm so sorry, sweetie.

I know it's my night to watch Bart,

but he just won't stop fussing.

Did you try driving around
to make him fall asleep?

It only worked on me.

Next stop: Somali Pirate Island.

D'oh!

Bunny!

It's not art anymore!

It's a misshapen lump on the floor!

Not like this masterpiece!

Marge, this photo is dynamite!

Thank you!

Dynamite kills people!

Thanks to your kid, we just
lost all our art advertising,

the art gallery and Art's Deli,
which catered the event.

You're fired! Turn in your
press card and your fedora!

And I'm gonna erase your name
from this birthday card

we got for Doris.

See? It's gone! She won't
miss it. She never liked you.

But I still had the
greatest job in the world,

I thought: Being a mom.

Boy, if it wasn't for naptime,

we'd have all been dead
from the stress years ago.

I didn't do it.

You are banned forever from Gymdandee;

Our sister shops, Swimdandee
and Violindandee;

And all other Kid Kennel
enrichment centers

and baby prisons.

Hey, Homer.

Haven't seen you in a while.

I switched to donuts.

Oy.

Our dream life crumbling,

Homie and I sought
counseling at the church.

You were so very wise to
bring your problems here.

Now, won't you bow your heads

and watch this video.

Hello. I'm Professor Thernstrom,

author of Fractured Families
and How to Heal Them.

I think we all know who
Professor Thernstrom is.

Play the video.

Jane was an only child.

And science has proven
that only children

are lonely children

and lonely children are evil children.

Jane's problems became
the family's problems.

They came to see me,
and, nine months later,

Joe was born, and all was well.

Do not undertake procreation alone.

Warning: Second child
may cause loss of money,

limited vacations, and reduced sleep.

Do not have a second child
if you have heart problems,

are pregnant, or want to
keep your spare bedroom.

In rare cases, sibling
rivalry may occur.

That's it, Homie!

That's the answer!

We're having another child.

But just the one.

We're not Catholics.

And so we decided to have Lisa.

That's what this was building to?

I thought this was the story
of how we got our furnace.

Who would care how we got the furnace?

I would care.

It came with the house.

Mystery solved!

Finally, he's asleep.
Let's make another.

- Mmm, mmm.
- No. Oh, not here.

He might wake up. The only safe
place is out on the fire escape.

What if firemen need it?

I'll be quick.

Now Mother Nature does the rest.

Hmm...

Duh, girls don't like me.

Hey! No fair!

Hey, where did he get those glasses?

The saxophone makes sense,
but the glasses don't?

Shut up, you!

Shut up!

And so after a lot
of late-night ice cream

and pickles,

Lisa was born.

And the best part was

Bart became the calmest
boy in the whole world.

More or less.

Why, you...

You delightful little blessing.

Someone's gonna need
four months of rehab.

Not covered by insurance.

So a family with kids is a
different kind of happy,

but still happy.

Wow. Just, uh... wow.

Hey, where's your wife?

Uh, she left me forever
during your story.

If you look out the window,
you can probably see her.

Oh.

Why did you leave?!

Because I never want to be
stuck with people like you

who stunt each other's growth
with your rampant dysfunction!

Quick. Family smile.

Our lives are great!

We left out the happy parts
because they were boring!

Nothing wrong with this picture.

Get over here, Lisa.

The only way humanity survives

is if people perpetuate this lie.

Well, why is she frowning?

Is there some unhappiness you're hiding?

Um...

I'm gonna stake my whole
marriage on what you do next!

Smile. Don't be a dink.

Mm...

I love you, Miles!

You did it, sweetie.

You saved two bad marriages.

What's the first bad marriage?

Uh, I miscounted.

You saved one bad marriage. Just one.

Aw, reminds me of the
first time we hugged.

Great story.

Get out.

Well, we may not be ethical,

but we're a great team.

Just like Fred and Ethical.

Want to tell us how Maggie was born?

We told you that story.

- And how we got the dog?
- Found him at Christmas.

- And the origin of the cat?
- Nobody cares.

This was a nice idea, Homie.

I'm glad we came back here.

Just the two of us.

Just imagine what they'd do

if Grampa wasn't watching them.

I wish I'd never had kids.

Thank God there's no munitions
left in the factory.

Never too late for another!

No one's made it out in a half century!

I didn't even know
there were five of us!

Make room! What the...?

How did you get in here?

Mind your own business.