Original subtitles

Welcome to the south pole, son--

where all directions face north.

I wonder if that's why penguins are always

walking in circles...

their GPS devices are going nuts.

This is amazing, Dad.

- - Look at all that snow.

Remember that time Liam tricked Dash

into thinking that yellow snow meant

that there was gold buried underneath?

Yeah, and he started digging like crazy with his bare hands.

His bare hands, yeah.

Yeah, now that was amazing.

Yeah.

Everything about you boys is.

Hey, look. I think that's Elephant Island,

where Ernest Shackleton led

his Antarctic expedition in 1914.

I'm reading about it in The Dangerous Book.

You're still reading the book.

Makes me happy.

It makes me happy too.

Whoa.

How did a walrus get onboard?

Ooh! Uh, that's no walrus, son. That's Ernest's wife,

the Lady Shackleton. Be nice.

Yes, unfortunately, we didn't have orthodontists

back at the turn of the century.

Sorry, Mom--I mean, Lady Shackleton.

Boy, she really needs some serious headgear.

I wish her aim was as bad as her teeth.

Uh, Wyatt

And who the heck is Lady Shackleton?

Uh...sorry, Mr. Tree.

Just someone I confused for a walrus.

Thanks for coming in, Mrs. McKenna.

Of course. All...I'm just surprised

that, this time, it's for Wyatt. You know,

he's never been the problem before.

Yes, we have had a fair number of tête-à-têtes

regarding Dash's behavior...

and Liam was never shy about speaking his mind in class.

But...

this is a first for Wyatt.

He's a wonderful boy,

but we've just been noticing some odd behavior

ever since your husband's passing.

My condolences again, by the way.

Thank you.

Yeah, Wyatt's... he's been

in the clouds a little recently.

You know, I guess we all have.

This might just be his way of coping with the loss.

Our school counselor thought it might be a good idea

for him to actually speak with a therapist.

Yeah, of-of course.

You know, whatever he needs.

Do you think I should have his brothers see someone also?

Let's start with the easy one.

Yeah, okay.

I'm just gonna have to figure out

how I'm gonna pay for it. Um, money's been

- a little tight recently. - Oh, I can suggest

a clinic. Um, I went there

to quit smoking.

It was the only place I could afford

on a public school salary. I am down to

two packs of nicotine gum

and three shoulder patches a day.

So clearly, they know what they're doing.

Sure.

Hey, well, thank you, Mr. Dunnan.

Um...and don't take this the wrong way,

but I hope not to be back in this chair any time soon.

Mr. Dunnan, Dash McKenna was sent

to us again.

It's not my fault!

Ask the lunch lady when she wakes up.

Back in the chair.

Ah!

The Page of Pentacles.

There may be a positive financial venture

- in your future. - Perfect.

Uh, now, uh... do the cards say anything

specifically about Lucky Louie in the seventh at Ascot Park?

Terry, you know they don't work that way.

What kind of odds are you getting?

Well, he's-- Did I take

a wrong turn and end up in the dark ages?

Tarot cards

Be careful, Liam. You don't wanna tempt the fates.

"The fates." It's all mumbo-jumbo.

the Constitution,

trickle-down economics, and the sugary deliciousness

of Crunch Berry cereal.

- It is delicious. - We're living

in an age of science, people.

These cards are quackery, pure and simple.

I wouldn't be so sure. The powers of the Universe

existed long before your precious science.

Well, you can keep living in the dark,

but I don't have to, 'cause I can turn on a light.

Invented by a scientist.

Who was inspired by the Universe.

That was mapped by a scientist.

Maybe in this dimension.

Whoa...mind blown. That...

You know what? Maybe you're right.

Let's see what your kooky cards say.

Abracadabra and hocus-pocus.

Uh-oh. The five swords.

I think the Universe might have put a hex on you.

A hex. Yeah, right.

Okay, careful, Liam.

Soccer star David Beckham

once said the same thing to a voodoo priestess.

She put a foot-shrinking spell on him.

Now he buys all his shoes at Baby Gap.

Career over.

I'm not sure that's entirely factual,

but the point is to not tempt the Universe.

Consider it tempted. You hear that, universe?

Come and get me. I welcome your he--

Liam?

Psych. I told you,

there's no such thing as a hex.

I would've done that anyway.

This stupid dishwasher.

Everything comes out dirtier than when it went in.

Ah! I'll grab those.

You washed your shoes in the dishwasher?

- Mm-hmm. - It's a dishwasher.

Terry, it's right in the name.

I only put 'em in so it'd be a full load.

Always thinking responsibly.

And for the record, these aren't shoes.

They are Crocs.

Okay, well, when the dishwasher breaks

and we need to get a new one, who's gonna pay for it?

Because I sure can't.

Are you okay, Beth?

Oh.

It's just...

It's just little things like this, you know?

Like, I feel like--sometimes I feel like I'm doing okay,

and then everything just...

it just comes crashing down.

Come here.

But I can't let the kids see it, you know?

I have to... oh, I gotta get it together.

I gotta make things happy and normal for them, you know?

Beth, you are the most amazing woman I know...

and I once met Ellen DeGeneres.

Thank you.

Hey, Mom, did you...

Are you okay?

Yeah, I'm okay. I was just, um...

C-cutting onions for my oat...meal.

- Yeah. - You put onions

- in your oatmeal? - Oh, I put onions

in everything-- except onion soup,

which I prefer to make with leeks.

Oh, uh, Wyatt-- you have an appointment

for the doctor today... just, you know,

make sure you're doing okay.

So just like a checkup?

Yeah. Something like that.

Okay.

Okay.

Hi there, Wyatt.

I am...

...not that kind of doctor.

You're not

Well, I am more of a doctor for feelings.

So we're just gonna be talking today,

but if you're more comfortable doing that in your underpants,

- that is absolutely-- - Oh, no.

Um, I'm definitely, definitely not.

I'm Dr. Stevenson, but you can call me Kay.

'Kay...I mean, okay... Kay?

So, Wyatt, why don't you tell me what's been going on?

- Not much, really. - Well, I understand

that you lost your father.

I'm really very sorry.

Yeah.

Is there anything you'd like to talk about?

Well...there is one thing.

My dad left this book for me and my brothers...

and ever since then...

...there's been some weird stuff happening.

Oh, yeah

I don't know.

I guess...

I don't want you to think that I'm cuckoo.

Well, that's not really

a term we use around here.

I just want you to feel comfortable.

I talk to kids all the time, so believe me.

I am happy to hear whatever you have to say.

You'd be surprised

by some of the stories.

I mean, everything's...

- Dad. - Hey, champ.

Why am I here?

I thought a jungle adventure might cheer you up.

You always loved animals.

Plus, I heard someone say something

about a cuckoo bird somewhere around here.

No, I mean, why am I here...

talking to a non-underwear doctor?

Well...

Hey, Dash.

What are you doing here?

Searching for the lost city

of El Doritos.

Don't you mean El Dorado?

As long as they have Cool Ranch flavor,

I don't care what you call it.

I smell jalapeños. That way!

Your brother always did have a keen sense of smell.

Dad?

I really think Mom's worried about me.

Should I be worried about me?

Well, your mom loves you more than anything.

And if she wanted you to see a doctor,

I'm sure it's for the best.

But...does that mean I am a cuckoo bird?

No, son. Not at all.

But that is.

Yoo-hoo! Yoo-hoo! Wyatt?

- - Hate to interrupt

your daydream, but our time is up.

So maybe next time you can tell me about Doritos

or jalapeños, or whatever else you're daydreaming about.

Hah. Nice try, universe.

You know, I really think

I missed my calling.

I could've been a foot model.

These piggies definitely should've gone to market.

- I'm a little worried, Tiffany. - Relax, Beth.

I'm not ditching you for the foot model circuit.

It's way too much politics to deal with.

No, I'm talking about Wyatt.

Dr. Stevenson wants to see him again.

That's not so bad.

I prefer Ayurvedic healing over conventional psychotherapy,

but whatever helps, you know?

It's just so hard pretending

that everything is normal and fine, you know?

But I need to keep the kids' spirits up.

Yeah, that's all that matters right now, right?

Beth, kids are like the moon.

They go through phases.

Sometimes they're... full of wonderment and joy,

sometimes they're hidden by clouds and...

disappear for a few days.

The most important thing to remember

is that kids, just like the moon,

need a strong center to orbit around.

Wow.

That's really profound.

Although, did you just suggest that's it okay

for kids to disappear for a few days?

Days, weeks, whatever.

You know what? Maybe a family game of Twister.

That's always fun.

I wonder if we still have that board.

Something you'd like to talk about?

Nope. It was just another average,

non-eventful day.

Looks to me like you had a "hex-cellent" day.

There's no hex.

Statistically speaking, at some point in my life,

a simultaneous bird-squirrel attack was inevitable.

No, sweetheart.

The odds of it happening were 50/50.

Either the Universe put a hex on you

or it didn't.

And it did.

What up?

Hey, Dash.

- Can I ask you something? - You just did.

Can I ask you something else?

You just did. I can--I can do this all day.

Come on, I'm serious.

Have you noticed anything strange

happening since we got The Dangerous Book?

Well, ever since we got the book...

I...I...

You're not gonna laugh, are you?

No. No, not at all.

What is it?

I can see through walls.

S-s-seriously?

Of course not, lame-o!

No one can see through walls.

I mean, it's an awesome book, but it's just a book.

What !

Come on! Ow!

I'm in a tough spot here.

I love making fun of you, but I also love

- watching Liam suffer. - Get away from me!

- Get away! - Sorry, leaving wins.

Hello?

No...Patrick McKenna isn't here.

No, he won't be home any time soon.

Please take us off your list.

Hey, Mom.

Hey, there's my little Wyatt Earp.

What do you think about a game night tonight?

So now, I mean, I couldn't find Twister,

but I did find the board from Monopoly

and some wedges from Trivial Pursuit.

- Hm? - Uh...

I'm not really in the mood right now.

Oh, no, come on! It could be fun.

I mean, we could invent a new game

like your dad used to do. We'll call it, like, um,

"Triv-opoly" or "Monopo-suit."

That's okay. Maybe another time.

Tiffany, you gotta get those tarot cards back out.

The race was a disaster!

- Lucky Louie didn't win

He was still running when they started the next race.

Maybe somebody put a whammy on the jockey.

You know, he did have unusually tiny feet.

The horse or the jockey?

Both!

This whole family is cuckoo.

How can I not be?

The hoof--the hooves were definitely small.

Good news. I think

you're about to be off the hook

for the desk standing stuff.

Word on the street is Nicky Dermer had to use

his emergency pair of underwear.

Mr. McKenna.

Would you like to come to the board

and solve this equation?

I realize I posed that as a question,

but you don't really have a choice.

Cuckoo.

"Bad hair day."

But this is the look I was going for.

What's the matter, kiddo?

Dad...

Am I crazy?

Whoa, whoa, whoa. C-come here.

Come here. Come here, Wyatt.

No, you're not crazy. W...why would you think that?

I don't know. It just seems like

our whole family is nuts.

- And I keep seeing you, and... - Ah.

I get it.

Let's take a look at my specimen shelf, here.

That is Galileo.

And that's good old Socrates.

Two of the most creative and famous geniuses in history.

Know what they had in common?

They were both really tiny?

Well, yeah.

But they were also both once considered crazy.

Were they?

Nope.

They changed the way we see the world,

using only their brains and their imagination.

So did Marie Curie. So did Georgia O'Keeffe.

Everyone's imagination has the power

to transform the Universe, Wyatt.

But not everyone can tap into it.

You think maybe that's what I'm doing?

Maybe.

Or maybe your imagination is helping you

to deal with a difficult situation.

You are not crazy.

Thanks, Dad.

I'm just really glad

I get to keep seeing you.

Yeah, me too.

What do you say we take a crack at Einstein's...

I mean... What do you say

we take a crack at my theory

of gravitational waves?

I have no idea what that means, but...sure.

Incredible.

Al-although the answer we were looking for

was 1 and 2/3.

Whoo!

Okay.

Damn it.

Why aren't you working?

Nothing is working.

Are you okay, Mom?

I'm sorry, Wyatt. Sorry.

- For what? - Because...

Because it's Thursday. On Thursdays,

your dad always made us his famous grilled sandwiches

and I just...I can't get his darn machine to work.

- No. -

What's going on?

I'm sorry.

You guys, I'm trying to keep it normal for you,

and I'm trying to keep things happy,

but I can't.

I can't do it, and I can't hide it anymore.

It's okay, Mom. It's okay to be sad.

We all are.

I know I am.

Me too.

I guess...this is just how it's gonna have to be

for a while, but...

it'll get better.

We can make it happen.

We can make anything happen.

Yeah, we're all gonna be okay.

We'll be okay. Hm?

I love you guys.

I just wish that I could've gotten

your dad's Sub-Sub to work, you know?

I loaded all the ingredients in,

but nothing happened.

Let me take a look.

Oh!

That was amazing!

Can we do exploding sandwiches

every Thursday?

- I'm ready. - Did you get everything?

I think so.

Two roly-polys, four dog fingernails,

lock of human hair... and half of a fresh fig.

Yum.

Oh, that's pure potassium-bomb.

Undoing a hex is a very complicated procedure.

They can't just be removed.

They have to be transferred...

into another vessel.

Liam Gloucester McKenna...

are you prepared to humble yourself

before the Universe?

So prepared.

I give you Liam,

who humbly repents for having doubted you.

Yeah. Super sorry!

And from this day forward...

he promises never... Uh-oh.

The Bachelorette's about to start.

Um, promises to not ever doubt the Universe again,

keep an open mind, et cetera, et cetera.

Okay, the hex is off you and in that glass of water.

Get rid of it.

Wait...what?

Whoa, whoa, wait, wait, wait.

Wait.

That's it

What's off, dweeb?

Uh...

Nothing.

- - Ow, my foot!

Ow, the rest of me!