Original subtitles

Nice bear suit, buddy!

Hello?

It's just not working out, Phil.

You're not happy with us

and we're not happy with you.

I'm sorry, but how do you know I'm not happy with you?

I read what you write. It's between the lines.

You're firing me for subtext?

You're not being constructive.

I don't find this

to be a very constructive experience.

Let's not burn any Bridges, Phil.

Shit!

Aah!

You can show people, all right?

You said so yourself a hundred times over,

it's a stepping stone.

To what?

I'm finished, em, okay?

Fired from the stranger?

You can't get any lower.

Why'd I ever leave that job in Memphis?

To fall in love with me.

That's why.

My parents are gonna kill me.

The secret to our ab slammer

is our ab slammer patented technique.

Oh, it's amazing.

You mean I only need to do this video

three days a week

to get the beach body I've always dreamed of?

Are you forced to spread butter with a knife

like some sort of caveman?

Are you gonna come to bed?

Introducing sputter.

It's spreadable butter.

Sputter--

The issue of research involving stem cells

derived from human embryos

is increasingly the subject--

You've reached 861-4800.

To leave a message for Phil, press one; For Doug, press two;

for snow wolf, press three; And for Emily, press four.

Hey, asshole, grant here.

Come on, pick up! Pick up! Pick up!

I know you're sitting on the couch, right?

Right in the middle of that stinky couch of yours.

Come on, pick up the phone!

Pick up! Pick up! Pick up!

So you got sacked? You leaving town?

I should.

Answer my question.

No, no. I've got Emily and there's--

good, we need to talk.

Meet me at the comet in 20 minutes,

and don't be late.

They say it's called the comet

because one landed here once,

but do comets land, man?

Oh, bravo!

Free at last. You did it.

No, seriously, corporate employment

is as dead as the old world order.

You should thank Nick

for pulling the scales off your eyes.

The usual.

Why weren't you at the cha-cha last night?

Dude, the murder city devils destroyed it without--

murder city devils? Are they local?

Oh, my God, are you serious right now?

Fuck me, man!

What do you listen to, Celine Dion?

No wonder they sacked you.

Hey, where's his tomato? Come on.

You know what? It's fine, all right?

It's fine because, because

I'm coming to a really, really big decision

and I want you to be the first to hear about it.

The city council primaries?

I'm gonna run.

I'm serious.

It's because of this guy, huh?

Richard McIver.

He has got to go down.

He's awful,

and no one with, like, three working brain cells

is stepping up to run against him, so I'm going to.

Oh, you think this is funny?

What? All right.

No, I got to show you a thing or two.

Grant? Grant!

Hey! Come on.

I hate that, though.

There are never any parking meters ever!

Gonna get a ticket,

yeah, yep, thanks to McIver and his henchmen.

And how long have you harbored

this grudge for the guy?

Since forever.

But you've never mentioned it?

I was waiting for things to hit critical mass.

Look, there it is!

There. There it is.

That?

Yeah, that.

The key my electoral strategy, my victory.

All right, great. Can we go home now?

A promise from the 1960s, Phil, from the world's fair.

From before we were born.

A super ass modern mass transportation system

that was to have spread its wings all over the city,

barely touching the neighborhoods

it was to pass over.

And you know why? Look at the base.

Smaller than a taco stand.

But there's only one stop

in the middle of nowhere downtown.

Two idiot Miles long

to a really useful space needle.

But it's electric and elegant as shit.

A miraculous machine and, listen, silent, right?

Like the breeze, like magic.

But most important of all, it's cheap.

And you want to know how many times McIver

and his fucking fuck goons have voted it down

so they could build

whatever the shit they wanted?

Stealing millions off all those good folk

living right down there.

You know how many times?

A zillion, to make money from building those, see?

Highways that have bisected and trisected

and now they want to build on the ground,

right in the middle of all our traffic jams,

a heavy fucking tank train system.

Exactly, which they call light rail,

and, of course, they're lying about that, too.

They steal and cheat and over here, huh?

They're buying up land from there to there.

Come on, Phil.

To there...And, no.

And all the way, all the way over here.

Phil, they're just cutting our city into pieces!

And even worse, oh, look at her.

Look at her, Phil. She's so beautiful.

This is what we need to save right here!

And you want to know the first thing that I do

when I get elected?

I'm gonna walk into the city chambers

in my beautiful white fur.

I will not be made a victim

of your cowardly ways! Never!

Save the polar caps! Build the monorail!

Save the planet, you fucks!

Reowr!

Doesn't it matter to you

that you have no experience in politics?

I'm a journalist. People respect that.

You're an unemployed music critic.

People know the difference.

All right, you know what?

I'm running in the primaries

and I'm gonna get myself into that general election

and then I'm gonna win this thing.

And you know what else, Phil?

You're gonna do it with me.

It's the reason you got fired.

It's destiny. It is.

Have you wondered exactly when it was

that you first lost your mind?

What's so funny?

Have you even considered McIver is black?

And?

And he's, like, the only black city councilman.

Okay, so what?

What, are we practicing reverse racism now?

No, I'm practicing my power of thinking.

I mean, grant is white and he's unqualified.

He's bombastic.

It's not funny, it's embarrassing.

I mean, grant's gonna get laughed out of the primaries

and so are you.

Why are you even doing this?

Does it matter?

Okay, so you got fired

so now you can just say fuck you to everyone?

You're smart.

Thanks, dad.

I don't tell you that enough.

I am gonna run

Grant Cogswell's city council campaign!

1, 2, 3, Cogswell.

For city council!

Shit, what he said, dude.

What did he say?

You're my campaign manager.

You're the one who sent out all those emails.

Where's at least somebody?

You were supposed to follow up with--

I hate this chair. It hurts my back.

Why would you have chairs like this

in your coffee shop?

It's not my coffee shop.

Fix this, Phil!

Fix it!

Wow!

Hey!

Hey! You think you look like a politician

when you storm off like that?

I mean, waitresses, they vote, too, you know.

I hate these shoes!

I need better arch supports!

Look at this.

People whine and bitch about traffic all day long,

but do they think of a way out? Huh?

You screw mass transit for the working class

and you screw it for the entire system!

The suckage trickles up!

McIver's flushing Seattle down the toilet

and he doesn't even know it!

Hey! Doesn't this suck, huh?

Doesn't it? Doesn't it suck?

Look at where you're sitting right now, huh?

Don't make me get out there!

Look at what we've done to each other!

Get out of here, jerk!

Doesn't this awful traffic bug you into action? Huh?

Would you like to support my campaign

for stalled mass transit?

Doesn't this suck?

Get out of here, you lunatic!

Grant!

The monorail, your monorail.

We can have it across the city

in five years, if even that.

And it'll pay for itself

in less than a Seattle heartbeat.

And yet McIver wants a debacle

that'll cost a fortune.

Why does he want this?

For the greenbacks, my fine feathered friends,

to plump his already pot-belly,

money-hungry construction pimps

that fill up his campaign coffer!

They call it light rail.

What does that even mean, light rail?

My butt hole!

It's crazy lies, lies on top of lies.

So he'll continue to rape this city,

but I love this place.

I love it.

I love it so much

that I've carved its seal onto my arm.

So give me your endorsement.

Rise above it all!

We can't offer you our endorsement.

But nobody cares about your monorail more than I do.

In fact, I'm the only one who showed up

to this little function thing of yours today.

That's got to mean something.

Which is why we can't risk

what little influence we have on fringe politics.

Fringe politics.

You mean, politics that don't compromise?

That speak the truth,

which is the only way to beat them, Clair.

Not by playing into their conniving little fingers

like lambs to the slaughter.

Please help us. We can do--

I can do this!

Otherwise, you guys are just another fucking social club

on a list sucking each other off!

All right, all right.

Listen, can I just--

can we just use your name in public?

Absolutely not.

God! Mmm!

What a fucking bitch!

You know, grant, you talk a lot of shit.

What we need to do is embrace our position.

We're the little guys.

People like the little guys.

It's more satisfying when they win.

Then why do incumbents always get re-elected?

Because they stack the cards in their favor!

No, they rig the fucking system, man!

They choose how much money you can spend,

what the jurisdictions are.

They even got those little voter pamphlets rigged.

What are you talking about?

The voter pamphlets,

you know, the things that they send out in the election,

you know, or polls and shit.

They even got the little government stamp on it

and everything.

Only in Seattle,

you can't say anything about the incumbent in it.

You can't even mention the incumbent's name.

It's the law. It's a joke.

You sure about this?

That's why I verbalized it.

We're being gagged here, man.

You know, when I worked in Memphis,

it was for this alt weekly

that let me dig into all kinds of stuff.

Man, that city was so messed up.

Poverty, corruption, cronyism.

The cops were a bunch of racist Hicks

still into Jim crow, but no one cared.

You know what I did?

My back hurts. Can we just go?

I sued them.

I took them to court and I won, twice.

You got a coat? A tie?

Seattle itself has demonstrated

a targeted and intentional bias

toward limiting the political effectiveness

of candidates who wish to challenge incumbents.

Here's a voter pamphlet

from last year's city council election in San Francisco.

You'll notice a place for candidates

to put pros and cons,

reasons why they think they should be elected

and why the incumbent totally fricking sucks.

Same with Los Angeles and New York.

And even Dallas fucking Texas!

I mean, but Seattle,

west coast liberal progressive Seattle,

10 years ago, the Seattle city council passed an ordinance

forbidding candidates from mentioning their opponents

in their voter pamphlet statements.

It's total bullshit! Just bullshit!

They've rigged the whole tottering system

to stay in power!

Well, I'm sure you're making a valid point

and we'll give it--

it's not just that!

It's the incumbent can say

whatever the hell he wants!

He can brag, he can manipulate,

lie about his resume, his voting record.

Even fuck his purple pet parakeet

and grill it in the microwave for breakfast.

But can a challenger target these inane insanities?

Can he expose it

in the one document that most voters actually read? No!

Fuck. Sorry.

Now, correct us if we're wrong here,

but isn't restricting our ability

to comment upon matters of public record

a violation of the first amendment?

Some would say you're using this lawsuit

to take advantage of the free media.

Well, it's true that every candidate

who's challenging an incumbent

wants as much exposure as possible.

He's on TV! It's grant!

It's too important for the people to be exposed

to all ideas, brilliant, constructive, idiotic.

Exposure, it's an issue

that affects every candidate in every part of the city.

Get out! It's that grant guy.

You got to be kidding me.

This is really important in every position, not just me.

No way!

For those of you that don't know,

grant is something different.

Different is good, right?

So...

Grant Cogswell.

Mass transit is a social justice issue.

When you hear McIver pimping his light rail plan,

the sound you really hear is that of a giant toilet

flushing away the city's under-class.

I mean, he'll never build this so-called light rail

'cause it's just a giant ploy.

A train five times the size of any trolley?

It'll never stop even close to fast enough.

It'll run over children and cats and dogs

until they have to put up heavy fences and walls,

and there goes the neighborhood, folks.

While McIver and his buddies

will be living in fancy mansions,

driven into the city by limos,

and we'll all be stuck

in a hell of noise, litter, and danger.

I'll take any questions, if there are any.

My name's grant Cogswell,

so if you have any questions--

we need contributions

and, you know, we need volunteers.

We can't do this on our own, so, if...

You know, anything.

This is grassroots, folks.

These guys are the underdogs

because everything they're saying

is not packaged or scripted or paid for by big business.

Now, here's a guy

who actually believes in something.

When's the last time you saw a politician do that?

So let's give him every penny we got.

Volunteer.

Let's see if this crazy son of a bitch

can actually get some good done in this city for once, right?

Well, I think you've actually

made a smart move with this thing,

no matter what people are saying.

What exactly are people saying?

You got fired,

pissed off your boss,

now you got a credibility problem.

But if you can get a no-name clown like grant

decent numbers in the primary,

there are people who'll pay for that.

Really?

I've been covering city council elections

in the weekly for, like, forever,

so even if you think all this sounds like bullshit...

Lunch is on you, by the way.

Lunch, right.

How do we get decent numbers?

Stay above the fray.

Ignore the other candidates.

Fire only at McIver.

If you're running grant as a populist,

make him look like one.

Have a crowd of volunteers around him

wherever he goes, an entourage.

Right, the entourage strategy.

And never look like you don't have an answer.

If someone asks you something that stumps you,

ask him to repeat the question.

It buys you time to think

without making you look like W.

Would you repeat the question?

McIver's smart, he's witty, he's friendly,

but he's not gonna have a lot of volunteers.

He'll have money, but you won't,

so you got to start aggressive.

Pitch grant to all the papers.

Strange if you don't.

It's unusual for Mr. Fredericks

to see someone who drops by unannounced.

But he won't return my calls.

I can give you his voice mail.

Look, all I can offer you is my silent support.

Simply isn't conducive to my own platform.

Okay.

How do you plan to support us silently?

We're grateful to be aware

of your candidate's position,

but the king county labor council

has already pledged its support to Mr. McIver.

Can you explain to me why you would do that?

McIver's record on labor is only passable at best.

Sorry.

Thank you.

My name's Phil Campbell

and grant's running against Richard McIver.

Your name's Phil Campbell?

Afraid so.

Don't you write for the stranger?

Yeah, wrote, past tense.

You heard of the Aaron Roberts shooting, right?

This is the guy who dug up all that dirt

on the police oversight committee.

I could tell you about it, but then you might quote me.

What are these?

I'm running grant Cogswell's campaign for city council.

Grant Cogswell?

Isn't he that music critic who's suing the city?

He's got quite a temper, doesn't he?

He's a very passionate guy.

Well, if circumstances should change,

I've got a reporter

heading out on maternity leave

in a couple of weeks.

That's amazing! When do you start?

Could you repeat the question?

What?

I'm stalling.

It's a political trick,

buying time by making the other person ask you again.

Okay.

When do you start?

Well, I have to tell grant first,

but the guy gave me till Tuesday

to make a final decision.

So...

It is gonna kill grant.

What are you talking about?

I mean, grant's psychotic, Phil,

and you're playing into his delusions of grandeur

by pretending with him that he's running for office,

and that's what's killing grant.

I understand.

I know, you're right.

Of course, I've had my fun.

Well, I know this is hard.

No, it's okay.

First thing tomorrow, it's done.

It's done.

I'm not nervous.

I didn't say you were.

You're implying if I ask you how I'm doing.

I don't appreciate that kind of affront to my confidence.

It makes me nervous.

Look at my hands.

McIver's gonna be here today.

It's part of his job.

He must go down.

He must go down!

You're gonna stay on point, though, right?

Right? Only local issues,

no big talk about multinationals and sweatshops.

Leave me alone!

The greed of those at the top

has always affected the lives of those less fortunate,

those less willing to steal with impunity,

and that's why I want to ensure

that our police and firefighters

have better training equipment.

We need to keep safe those that keep us safe.

Who did you vote for president in 2000?

I did not vote for George Bush.

That's not answering the question.

That's Pernell Alden, fool of all fools.

He once tried to punch me out.

I gave it to him, though.

I'm sure you did.

He's nine points ahead of you in the polls.

That's him! That's the asshole!

He's totally oblivious,

just like his leadership style.

And next on our list is an incumbent, Richard McIver.

Beth.

Good evening. How's everyone?

Good looking group, you are.

This primary brings us into a new millennium.

Now, whether that's meaningful

or just another date on the calendar

depends on what we want Seattle to be,

upon our ability to choose our future willfully

and with our eyes open.

Now, how do we prepare for this?

I have had the privilege

of being in position on city council

to watch as our perspective on the future

has changed over the years, and changed radically.

Am I right, guys?

I mean, not to mention the forces that are at play

whenever we try to peer into that future,

forces that I grapple with daily

as a city council member.

You know, he doesn't seem like an asshole.

That's what assholes do.

They get you by not seeming like assholes.

Decisions we make today will have long-lasting impact.

Did you know he'd be this good at it?

Actually, this is the first time

I've seen him up close.

By expanding state route 520 over lake Washington.

How far do we push development

at the expense of our own environment?

Do we want to be a city of automobiles, huh?

Or are we willing to make the necessary sacrifices

to bring about true mass transportation?

God, he's so full of shit!

Look, there's the bitch. They're all here.

These are difficult choices,

but with choices comes opportunity, okay?

Thank you for listening.

Oh, oh, and I would appreciate your vote.

So I'd like to see you all at the polls, all right?

Thank you so much. Thank you for your time.

The 36th district will now hear a statement

from candidate grant Cogswell.

This is gonna be interesting.

Hi. My name's grant Cogswell.

I'll be running in the primaries

for city council position number eight,

Mr. McIver's seat.

Jesus Christ, with choice comes opportunity?

What opportunity? To expand the 520 bridge?

We can't do it!

I grew up in the area where the I-90 freeway was expanded

and look at it.

It's a mess of dirt, grime, litter, pollution.

It's criminal...

And you know it.

McIver talks about wanting to provide equal opportunity

for all of Seattle.

What the hell is he talking about

when he supports ideas like these?

He's totally in bed with the construction bozos,

which is why he's pushing for this so-called light rail

which, by the way, is just brave new world double-speak

for a 100-ton heavy rail catastrophe!

Sorry. I just...

Mass transit is a social justice issue, folks.

You provide a safe, reliable way

for someone to get from home to work,

and what you're really doing

is providing a safe, reliable way

for that person to earn a living,

to connect with others,

to live a life of community

that includes all of us, not just the rich!

McIver talks about the committee

to approve the committee

that approves other committees.

This is just off the charts awful!

You're one of those committees!

Extend the monorail. Elegant and inexpensive.

The monorail beautifies the neighborhoods it serves.

It brings humanity to the fore,

and anyone who opposes that

might as well be the devil, as far as I'm concerned!

Thank you, Mr. Cogswell.

Come on! Let's go!

Now I'd love to bring up my neighbor, Jim Charleston.

I fucked up!

I called him the devil!

That was so stupid!

Somebody's gonna quote that.

Somebody's gonna quote that.

God, this is over. The whole thing is over.

It's over! God, why did I say that?

I was so sweaty up there.

Why was it so hot in there?

It was stupid.

Did you hear me? I sounded like Nixon.

First off, no one is gonna quote you.

Yes, they are.

Grant, no one is gonna quote you

because there were no political reporters in there.

Trust me, I looked.

And I actually thought you sounded pretty good.

No, I didn't. No, don't do that.

Don't lie to me.

Fuck!

And McIver, what the hell was that?

He sounded like angels were coming out of his mouth.

He's got a whole team of guys

that are writing his speeches for him.

It's--

hey, so that's grant and that's Phil.

Guys, this is Kevin and Willis.

Hi. Hi.

I'm sorry. I'm really awful with names.

Oh, no sweat. I'm Wayne.

We met at the rally in the alley.

We handed out your flyers.

Oh, right.

You had the che Guevara t-shirt?

Yeah, totally. Dude, grant,

that speech was just, like, so fucking awesome, man!

It was just like grant is the only one

who's willing to stand up to McIver

and say, like, stop spewing bullshit.

Bullshit.

McIver is out there

just, like, saying lies, lies, lies,

and grant's just, like, shooting it down

with truth, truth, truth.

Why don't you spew truth?

And fucking, you know,

hold my hair back while I spew truth.

That's a good slogan.

You should have seen it. He was possessed, em.

Applause, everything.

I can't do it.

I can't walk out on him. I can't.

But you can walk out on being a writer?

And a weekly is a great place for you.

Fuck the stranger.

I thought you wanted us

to not look like college students anymore

with six roommates.

Sorry.

Sorry, guys.

I have to do what I believe in.

And grant is what you believe in?

Cool.

Do you have a second?

I just want to ask you about grant--

hey, you guys are doing great, by the way.

Hi, how are you? Can you help us?

Can we just get a minute of your time?

No, thank you.

Hi, do you like politics?

Um, no.

I don't like politics, either. They're fucking bullshit.

And I'm going over there as well, so this really works out.

There's this one politician, though, grant Cogswell.

He's fucking awesome.

He's, like, teaching all the other politicians

to, like, have a heart and feel and love.

He's sort of like the wizard of oz

if he were all the characters.

Well, what do you want me to do?

Oh, just sign this,

and I also need your phone number

and then I can just let you know

about political rallies, elections,

and just, like, nonpolitical endeavors.

Cogswell for president!

Let's get him in the white house!

We are fully tweaked, my friend.

You want some?

It's laced with speed, 'cause, you know, speed.

All right. Sorry.

Guys, I need you to wake up. Come on.

Come on. I got to get to work.

Guys, guys, again, it's work.

All right. Here, watch your head.

Watch your head.

Thank you, Emily!

Can you see

if there's a lot of debris downstairs?

Um, no, no.

Oh, my God!

Oh, my God.

Oh, my God. Oh, my God.

Whoa, what are you doing in my room?

What time is it?

I did not see a plane go in.

I just saw another plane.

Hi.

It's me.

Oh, my God, have you heard?

Yeah, horrible. What do you know?

Nothing. Just the same as you.

I'm just watching the news.

Dan baylor from nbc news--

no, no.

Oh, my God.

Oh, my God!

I'm gonna go.

Oh, my God!

Stupid motherfuckers!

Don't they know we got nukes?

They picked the wrong motherfucking country.

Where the hell are you?

We're supposed to be talking to the leash law people right now.

Turn your television on.

I don't have a TV.

You been to my house 800 times. What is this?

Are you coming to pick me up or not?

You need to get over here now.

Everyone was running. People just took off.

Everyone ran.

People ducked into doorways

and people that stopped looked behind.

Good morning. Thanks for coming.

Hey.

Hey.

I know. Me, too.

Pretty much impossible

to get out of bed this morning, right?

We got to see those buildings come down?

And then there's all those people,

the innocent lives of families.

I mean, how do we keep a campaign going?

I don't think we can.

Except I promised a guy last night

that I'd go give blood.

So I went over to the red cross

and the line, the line was...

The line was around the block.

All us poor stupid people,

'cause who are we gonna give our blood to?

And then there's the flags.

There's flags everywhere,

and I got to admit, you know,

I didn't like... I didn't like the flag.

I just...I mean, what was it invented for?

For us to salute to

like we're a bunch of eighth graders

or to go off to war under

like Vietnam and pearl fucking harbor?

What do we do now, nuke somebody?

Who are we supposed to kill?

And then-- I don't know, you know--

I start thinking about this little monorail

and, uh...

And I start to kind of know

exactly what we're supposed to be doing,

and that's to put one foot in front of the other

and say no to the terrorists

and say no to the violence and the destruction of things

and say yes to the building up of something.

It doesn't matter what it is.

It doesn't matter.

And when someone asks you why,

why now?

I don't know.

I mean, I guess you got to tell them this:

That there's never been a more important time

to set aside fears and selfishness

and reach out to somebody.

Just reach out and participate

in some genuine life-changing action.

Hey, guys, here.

Does anybody need a large?

There's a lot of larges.

What size?

Large. Just put it over your--

I got this one.

Remember, the election's in two weeks.

Are you registered to vote?

Great. Grant Cogswell. He's running for--

The election's in six days, sir.

Hey, tomorrow's the election.

Go vote for the monorail.

Have you been to the polls this morning?

Don't forget to vote. Hey!

Vote for Cogswell.

One hour till closing.

What do you mean your TVs don't work?

I already told grant

I was having trouble with the satellite.

Well, I'll have to get the results off a laptop then.

You can only use the Internet for a minute or so

'cause a gotta run credit cards through that phone line.

Don't set your laptop on the bar.

Some idiot could spill on it and I'll get blamed for it.

No problem.

Okay, Sandy, we just need a couple more.

I'll do it during a slow jam. There's a problem by the door.

What do you mean?

Come by the door!

Stay by that door, okay?

He's kind of like a gothic William Wallace.

Like, did you see that movie Braveheart?

There's, like, the meanest agent I ever saw.

Yeah. Right here?

Hi, is there a problem?

There sure is a problem.

Tommy booked me to dj my debut set at 9:00.

So what are you doing here?

What the fuck's going on?

It's no big deal.

They're hosting some election thing.

They'll be out of here by 9:00!

Whoa, Tommy! No, we won't.

In elections, the results don't even come in till 9:00.

There's no way we're gonna be out of here by 9:00.

I'm booked at 9:00!

I got a flyer that says so!

Okay, I'm sorry, but so what if you have a flyer?

We have flyers. You want to see our flyers?

Show him our flyers.

Tommy, what's going on?

If you two idiots cannot conduct yourselves as gentlemen

in front of my clients,

I'm gonna throw both your asses out of here!

Now figure this out!

I can't deal with this bullshit!

You want me to go talk to him?

Fucking amateurs!

And they got a fucking pixies cover band playing.

Yeah. Are you okay?

Total bullshit.

Look, why don't you just do your thing

while we wait for the campaign results?

Can we do that? Look at it this way.

You'll be getting a new audience, huh?

I'm so not digging your crowd, man.

I'll get some volunteers to bang their heads.

They have to do what I say... It's for school credit.

What about the pixies band?

Fuck the pixies!

Hey, Phil. Phil.

Hi.

Your idea?

Absolutely.

Quite an interesting night, huh?

Have you seen the raw data?

I've been a little preoccupied.

Yeah, well, you ought to get un-preoccupied.

Excuse me. Excuse me.

Shit!

Hey, Tommy, can I use the Internet?

I need to get online. I need to check--

I have to check the results.

I have to pay the bills!

Who's gonna hand out on the paraphernalia?

I need you to do this for me, please.

Please, please, please, just sit down.

I need you to just keep clicking on this button.

To open up, we need to hit the net, okay,

in order to get the results.

Again, again, just keep--

yeah, yeah, yeah, like a monkey, I know.

Yes, Phil Campbell here with the Cogswell campaign.

Just checking, did we get 10% to qualify?

I got something! I got something!

Never mind. What does it say?

Okay, um--

Phil, Phil, Phil!

Those people who were trying to get a circle pit going.

What's a circle pit?

It's like a mosh pit,

but it's circle 'cause they like to be safer.

And then, like, Willis, like, punched a guy

and the guy's like "you don't do that to me"

and then Willis, like, he's got some dad issues right?

And so then I think he just, like, reminded him--

okay, Wayne, Wayne, Wayne.

I'm coming! I'll deal with it.

It's, like, did you see rocky?

Imagine if a couple of those guys were--

I'm coming. Theresa.

The numbers started coming up,

but I got kicked off.

The line's busy.

Stop your music!

It's insane.

What the fuck?

This is how people listen to music!

You can't listen to it with just your ears!

You gotta listen with your whole motherfucking body!

Phil! Phil!

Phil!

I don't know, I've been staring at that screen so long,

I could have it wrong,

but you have to see this. Right here.

Awesome.

Great. Great. Let's pick 'em up

out there over the bar, okay?

Hi, this is Emily. Please leave me a message.

Shit.

Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa!

Don't--leave it.

Hey, hey, hey.

What's going on here?

What's going on?

26%!

I've been looking all over for you.

If McIver goes below 50,

he'll look weak in the general election.

What?

Below 50 percentage points

he'll look weak in the general election.

People will take you seriously.

People with money.

Grant could win this thing.

I said I'm gonna go to that bar,

I'm gonna get stinking drunk,

and put it on your tab.

28%! 28%!

Holy shit! Holy shit!

Hi, this is Emily. Please leave me a message.

Dammit!

Are you kidding? This is politics.

Politics, bitches!

This is how you fucking run a campaign.

I'm fucking writing it in blood.

Someone give me a razor

so I can write it in blood!

Blood of the fucking innocent!

49%!

Let's hit 50!

God, I love this!

People have been telling us all week

how politics doesn't mean anything anymore.

But you just all proved them wrong!

'Cause it's grassroots politics, folks. Grassroots!

In all this glorious, wild, fucking bloom,

breaking it all up.

The concrete and the asphalt

and the lies!

And the lies!

The lies!

'Cause here we are!

We are in the general election!

Have you seen the numbers?

Yeah, we're all pretty stunned here actually.

Here?

I'm at the office.

Well, get the fuck over here.

You're missing the party. We did it.

We actually fucking did it!

Em, hey, are you okay?

Em, what's wrong?

Emily?

Nothing. I'm fine. It's just--

yeah, I know, I know.

It's weird, but it's amazing, too.

I understand. Look, where are you?

I'll come to you. Are you at the office?

No, don't come to the office.

Hi, here you are.

Way better than the bar.

I can finally hear myself think.

You got to come over, though, experience the love.

Well, congratulations.

You've done something truly amazing here.

Oh, please, you hate grant.

You think I've unleashed a monster.

Oh, come on.

You like McIver better.

I don't know McIver.

I just know what I've been through

because of your desire

to throw the guy out of office.

Have you even noticed, like,

what's happened to the house?

Did you know that on Monday I walked in

and two volunteers were fucking on the kitchen floor?

Yeah.

Sorry.

I'm not a prude, Phil.

No, I know, I know.

And there's something wonderful

about this thing that you've harnessed here.

I mean, it's brilliant, actually.

Look, it's just a few more weeks, em, okay?

And then they'll be out of our house forever.

But what if you win, Phil?

Have you given that any thought?

I don't even want to have

this conversation with you tonight,

but one of our staff officers is moving

and she needs someone to take over her lease.

Phil, I haven't been able to work at home in weeks

or get any sleep.

And I talked to our landlady

and she's willing to prorate my lease

until you can find someone new,

so I'm not leaving you in the lurch.

Are you breaking up with me?

Phil, are you even listening to me?

This new place, it's on queen Anne.

It's...It's exactly the neighborhood

you've always talked about.

It's got great views of the sound

and, like, real space.

You know, I finally have some money, so--

yeah, no, I know you do, Emily,

and you do hate grant and you do love McIver

and you do think you know

exactly what is right for me right now, so--

that's not true.

I mean, I proved you wrong.

I've proved that I'm actually good at this campaign stuff

and smart as hell and that is just too much for you.

It's too much for me? Really?

Is that what it is?

It's too much for me that you may knock off

a perfectly qualified and honest representative

because you can, because he's black and vulnerable?

It's too much for me

that, like, whatever conscience I know you once had

has seemingly evaporated?

Have you even thought about

who you've had to draw out of the woodwork

to vote against the black guy?

I'm sorry.

I should have given you this night.

I'm sorry.

Bye.

Bye.

Tommy? Tommy!

Something strong. Yeah?

Just the bottle.

If anyone deserves it, buddy, it's you.

Oh, I'll have to charge you by the shot,

but I'll put it on the DJ's tab.

Congratulations.

Standing tall, are we?

Do you know what this is?

The monorail lady's greatest hits?

Ha ha. Addresses, phone numbers,

every person in the city who loves your monorail

and hates that heavy light rail system.

The ones who vote. 30,000 names.

You win with this.

It took me two years to compile it.

Just tell me you know how to use it.

I know how to use it. Tommy!

Yo? Madam?

Yeah, thanks.

So you're endorsing grant then?

Are you kidding?

Grant is out of his mind,

but here he is in the general election

with a real shot at bringing the monorail to Seattle.

Cheers.

Just don't tell him where it came from,

unless, of course, he wins.

Want to dance?

What?

Want to dance with me?

Hello?

You need to come over right now to my place.

Just come over right now.

Grant?

We're in big trouble!

The fucking FBI.

What?

They're here. Just come over, come over.

Where were you?

You must be Phil, the campaign manager.

Yeah, that's right.

What's going on?

Why don't you take a seat?

You're aware that, in the wake of 9/11,

any breach of security must be taken seriously,

especially as it pertains to government buildings.

You know who might have access

to your campaign materials,

specifically your posters and signs?

Yeah, well, I keep some in my car.

The rest are at my house.

Are there any unaccounted for?

Uh...Some of the volunteers may have a few.

Is that a bear suit?

Um...Yes.

Where were you last night?

He was with me.

We were at a bar

celebrating my win in the primaries.

There was at least 100 witnesses.

What happened?

There was a break-in at city hall.

We're still reviewing the security tapes.

Someone entered the office of councilman McIver

and plastered it with signs and posters

of Mr. Cogswell here.

You think a class 2 felony is funny?

No. No, sir.

Call the aclu! Call them, Phil, now!

Grant, they don't defend against breaking and entering.

Be honest, Phil. Do you know who did this?

Wayne. It has to be Wayne.

Are you sure?

He was the only one that has the signs.

I put him in charge of finding places to hang them.

By himself?

Hey, the signage stuff

was never quite legal to begin with.

Yeah, this is way beyond sticking signs on a highway!

Where the hell were you last night?

Ruining my life.

What?

Nothing.

Emily left me.

Are you serious?

Yeah.

I'm sorry.

Then I lost my mind and--

you got to get your mind back, all right?

I know you're hurting right now,

but you got to find a way to fix this.

Just fix it. Fix it, Phil!

Do they know it was us?

It was just a prank.

It was supposed to be funny.

Shit! Shit!

Guys, keep your voices down.

Okay.

And, no, they don't know it was you,

but they're gonna find out, okay?

They have a list of everyone working at the campaign,

so expect a visit from the FBI.

They're going over the security tapes right this second.

Look, how smart were you guys about this? Huh?

Did anybody see you?

We're firing you from the campaign.

What the fuck, man?

Then they're gonna know that it was us that did that shit!

We did it for you, you know what I mean?

Like, we did it for grant, for the campaign.

It was just a prank, you know.

It's supposed to be funny.

Well, maybe three weeks ago it would have been,

but now--

you can't do this, man!

You can't fucking do this!

I have to

or you'll take grant down with you.

That's politics.

We are launching our own investigation into the matter.

Until then, I cannot comment any further.

Yes.

No.

I don't know. I'm sorry.

Hang it up.

Hang it up!

Let it go.

The posters were discovered this morning

when councilman Richard McIver

walked into his office here at city hall.

Councilman McIver, a word, please, sir?

Yes, yes, it was quite unnerving.

I mean, quite a shock.

Bastard! Lying, fucking, manipulative bastard!

Cogswell, who made it past yesterday's primary

and into the general election

for McIver's seat on the city council,

is known for running a reckless campaign.

FBI and local officials, however,

believe that the break-in was committed--

Actually it's a relief.

That isn't why I called.

But be honest, Phil.

I mean, what if he had been elected?

He knows nothing of teamwork or consensus building,

any of the things that make up a real politician.

It would have blown up in our faces.

I don't care about our faces, Clair.

I care about what happened with us last night.

Yeah.

I wasn't myself, okay?

I have a girlfriend who I love.

Of course, you do.

I didn't even know what I was doing last night.

Who does?

You know what? Forget it.

You know what they say about bedfellows in politics.

Hello?

Phil?

Phil?

Here's my list for when I'm elected,

things I'm gonna compromise on and things I'm gonna fight for.

I'm trying to get a handle

on what I can really do on the council,

you know, think pragmatically here.

It's time to face the reality of this, Phil,

'cause I'm not gonna give up.

I'm gonna grow up.

Okay, what brought this on?

A dream.

I was at the top of a building,

a tall, tall building, and I jumped.

The sidewalk rushing in on me and I knew that I was dead.

I knew it was the end for me,

and just as I was about to hit the concrete,

right at that last second,

I look up toward the sky one last time,

and suddenly...

I was flying.

I mean, it was like an omen, man,

an omen of hope and possibility,

and I knew as clear as the mountains and the sky...

We're gonna win this thing, Phil,

and we're gonna win it big.

All right, grant, let's go.

Many are calling your campaign overly militant.

You have sued the city,

someone on your staff has vandalized city hall,

and this is all in an effort

to oust the only major African American representative

we have in Seattle.

Well...

I can't be black,

if that's what you're asking,

but the real question should be

can my opponent give you a better Seattle than I can?

He likes to call me a single-issue candidate,

but what he doesn't realize

is that I've carefully analyzed the situation

and the single best way

to bring real change to Seattle

is with the monorail.

It will unify us, rich and poor.

It will diminish pollution

because it runs on electricity.

It'll enhance the neighborhoods

that it sails over because it's beautiful.

And once that is finished,

then I'll get back into what needs to be--

it's all fine and good to have a dream, grant,

and to attack those of us

who have been in the trenches for years

trying to do good by this city.

But we are trying to build a mass transportation system

and we're trying to do it in the real world.

Oh, the real world.

That's what you call it?

Where hard-working poor people

are walled off from the good jobs downtown

because they don't have a car?

Where low-income housing is demolished

so the big boys

can build a life-sized train set?

Or a highway that runs over the water

that'll dump enough muck

to sterilize every variation of salmon for 200 Miles?

No, I'm sorry, Mr. McIver.

That's not the real world that I live in.

And if somebody wants to call me militant

for speaking the way I do,

then I'll take it as a compliment.

Mr. McIver?

Frankly, I don't know how to respond to that.

I have been fighting body and soul

for this city for 15 years.

I'll stand on my record.

All right, I'll tell you what.

We're almost out of time as it is.

I'm gonna give you each 20 seconds.

What is it that you want the voters to know, Mr. Cogswell?

I'm a grassroots activist.

My opponent is running an insider campaign.

He's got a political consultant

and a P.R. Team and a host of lobbyists.

So please come out and vote.

Vote, vote, vote, always vote.

And we need volunteers and we need money

because my opponent is also out-spending me 10-1

because he's getting the big $600 contributions

that he voted in to raise the contribution limit!

Councilman McIver, you have 20 seconds as well

to wrap this up.

You know, Tate, I...

I love this city.

I've given my life to it.

All right.

Well, it is Richard McIver and grant Cogswell.

They are running in a race that is just too close to call

for city council position number eight.

I'll tell you what we're gonna do.

We're gonna take a quick break.

For another position here on weekday on KUOW.

I blew that motherfucker out of the water,

out of the fucking water!

Yeah, you did, grant.

He's so entangled in his own bureaucratic intestines,

he couldn't even find his own asshole.

Do you hear what he said when I told him--

why didn't you shake his hand?

He's the bad guy, Phil.

You don't shake hands with the bad guy.

And we're the good guys?

Yeah, of course.

Why? Why? Because we sued the city,

broke into offices, spun 9/11 our way,

and now we're gonna beat the big bad black guy?

Why didn't you shake his hand?

I want an answer.

I told you my answer.

That's not good enough.

That's not good enough because what happens if we do win?

Huh? What are you gonna do then?

You gonna insult your way into getting a monorail built?

Wearing a polar bear outfit,

threatening to jump off a bridge if you don't get your way?

Fuck it.

Hey, grant, grant, grant.

I've got some great news from queen Anne.

Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. No! No!

excuse me, sir.

You're gonna have to go through the metal detector.

take everything out of your pockets.

Don't forget the button. Everything metal.

Here you go.

Mr. Campbell?

Yes?

sir.

I was surprised.

Me, too.

Have a seat.

So what's so important,

other than getting to the voting booth tomorrow?

Well, the campaign,

we never apologized for the break-in.

We spun it,

but we didn't say we were sorry.

I'd say that was politics.

I guess.

Besides, kids do what they do.

Lord knows, mine did.

Grant should have shaken your hand.

I'd say that was politics, too.

And that makes it right?

I don't know.

Maybe sometimes there are things more important

than simply being right or wrong.

How do you feel about being his proxy?

Yeah, I need all 30,000 names

re-contacted before 10 P.M. tonight.

Yes, I'm serious. Yes, just do it.

All right, guys. Are we doing this or what?

Where you guys headed?

All right, guys, 5,000 names left.

We're gonna make this 4,000 names left.

We will make this.

Oh, dear God,

if I got to talk to one more special interest nut job

wanting a law protecting their leg hair.

This is grant Cogswell.

Guys, shh! Shh! Shut up!

Wow.

Yes, thank you, sir.

I'd appreciate that very much.

I would enjoy that. I would.

I think some good might come of that, too, yes.

Yes, for everyone.

Okay.

Who was that?

Grant, what's going on?

That was McIver.

What?

He's not pressing charges.

He had the city council write a letter to the FBI.

Wayne's off the hook. We all are.

He wants to drive me to the polls tomorrow to vote,

take me out for drinks afterwards.

Whoa, whoa. Whoa! Whoa!

In his car?

You're gonna drive in his car?

No, no! It's a setup, man!

We can't do this!

Do you know what's gonna happen

if they photograph you

coming out of your opponent's car?

At least take my bike, man.

We can't contaminate our message like this

at the very last minute!

Everybody keep working.

Does anybody have a skateboard?

You're the public transportation candidate.

Fantastic, guys.

Where you at in the list?

Awesome. Great job, you guys!

Will someone get some sandwiches for these guys, please?

Guys, great job. Great job, you guys.

Where you at on your list?

Have you called all these yet?

Hi. Yes, hi, ma'am.

This is Phil Campbell.

I'm calling from the campaign

for grant Cogswell for city council.

Grant...Grant Cogswell.

City--yes.

You did? You did vote?

Hi, this is Phil Campbell.

I'm calling from the campaign

for grant Cogswell for city council.

I just wanted to make sure

that you were going to vote today.

That's right. Mm-hmm.

Right, well, we appreciate your support,

and if you can tell--

he's here. He's here.

Okay, I'm gonna go vote now.

Yeah!

Have you guys all voted?

Vote for me, obviously!

Whoo!

Got you, grant.

Knock 'em dead, grant.

Hey.

Ready to do this?

Hi.

Hi.

Oh, wow.

Wow, you even got a puppy.

Don't. Don't. She's cute.

Sorry, sorry, sorry.

Just hold her there.

It's a submissive urination problem.

She walking you enough, huh?

Sorry. Here, let me get it.

Yeah, I got it.

So what brings you here?

Could you repeat the question?

No, I just...

I wanted to make sure you voted.

Is today the election?

I'm kidding.

It's gonna be close.

Yeah, I heard.

Your polling location is 223 Roy.

It's a brick building.

You enter on the right side.

Don't vote your conscience.

I didn't.

Thank you.

You're welcome.

You look like a Bible salesman.

Yeah, right.

Grant Cogswell for city council!

46%.

Guys! Guys!

Greg Nichols is emerging clearly as the leader.

Mark center has settled for third place.

We got new numbers? We got new numbers?

We're not greedy here, right?

All we really need is 50.0000001%, right?

That's all we need! That's all we need!

That's it.

We're looking now at the current vote for city council.

At this point, it looks like all incumbents are ahead,

although lots of precincts have not put in their report.

That can change very quickly.

And I think we have some evidence

that it's gonna start changing.

We need 3%. Ready, guys?

3%! 3%! 3%!

3%! 3%! 3%!

The closest race of the night

is for council position number eight

in the race between the incumbent Richard McIver

and challenger grant Cogswell.

Cogswell! Cogswell! Cogswell!

People, that's 1%.

You guys are doing this. This is for Seattle.

This is for the monorail!

Come on, we can do this! We can change Seattle!

1%! 1%! 1%!

0.2%, 0.2.

0.2! 0.2!

0.2! 0.2!

It's happening! Yes!

Oh, man, we got this in the bag.

Put it in the bag, put it in the trunk.

What is it? What is it?

Drive with this, bitches!

Come on, come on. Show us what's next.

Come on, come on. What's the next one?

Theresa, what is it?

Come on, what's the number?

Still good. Still in there.

Gonna go back up.

It's okay. The polls are closing.

It fluctuates.

You just wait for the next number.

Fluctuation!

It's all right. It's all right.

That's a lot, Phil.

Just wait for the next numbers.

Wait for the next numbers.

What's the next number?

That's fine, right?

Anyway, it's only, like, 30 votes.

Come on, 30 votes.

30 votes.

30 votes. 30 votes.

30 votes. 30 votes.

And the polls are now officially closed.

We are now ready to predict tonight's results.

It does appear that all of the city council seats

will remain in the hands of the incumbents.

As for the mayor's race--

no! No!

No, still, we can do this.

30 votes! 30 votes!

30 votes! 30 votes!

30 votes! Everyone!

30 votes!

They're gonna revise the numbers.

Like, remember what happened with bush?

And it went to court and the whole--

wait, everybody, wait! Wait!

Hold on!

There'll still the absentee ballots, right?

Absentee ballots!

Who wasn't absent from school

at least once, right?

There's absentee ballots.

They are the smartest voters out there.

Smartest voters out there.

We're gonna have those votes.

It's only 30 votes, you guys!

We can win this! We're gonna win this!

Yeah.

And while we wait to hear the final--

the victory announcement for us.

I would like to do some of my grant Cogswell impressions.

Richard McIver, Richard McIver

has flushed Seattle down the toilet

and he doesn't even know it, folks.

And I hate these shoes!

I hate these shoes. I need better arch support.

Reowr!

We have just begun!

Polar bear. Polar bear.

Reowr!

Reowr!

Aah!

McIver has won

and now we have to contend with this.

We love you, grant!

48%!

Do you know what that means?

It means that we're the trees and the rain.

Seattle!

Seattle!

And we will not sleep,

not today, not yesterday, not 100 years from now,

because we've woken them up out of their hibernation!

Reowr!

And that's why, first and foremost,

I got to thank one son of a bitch,

one son of a bitch above all else,

and that's my polar bear tamer extraordinaire!

Get up here!

Go, go. Wayne. Wayne.

Yes, and Wayne

for almost going to jail for this campaign,

and Theresa, our wonderful office coordinator

who almost swallowed a bear.

And Evan salt.

And Evan salt, who's--

I thought I might find you here.

Who designed our t-shirts.

Defeat hurts!

I've been thinking about things.

I think you may have been right

about, like, a thing or two.

Michael Hanson?

I've missed you... Kind of.

You look... Not bad in a tie.

I love you guys all!

Let's just go crazy!

Reowr!

Marry me.

What?

Hey, I almost got a polar bear elected to office.

Hey, hey, McIver's on!

McIver's on.

While this has been a victory for me,

it's been a narrow one.

I just want you to know that I take that to heart.

The next several months, we'll be working together.

Would you repeat the question?