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1
00:00:02,803 --> 00:00:04,203
OH, DUDE. HEY.
2
00:00:04,205 --> 00:00:05,504
OH, UH, I NEED
TO TELL YOU SOMETHING,
3
00:00:05,506 --> 00:00:07,673
AND I REALLY -- I DON'T WANT YOU
TO FREAK OUT, OKAY?
4
00:00:07,675 --> 00:00:08,941
WHAT IS IT?
5
00:00:08,943 --> 00:00:10,776
I'M NOT SURE
HOW TO SAY THIS, BUT, UH...
6
00:00:10,778 --> 00:00:13,345
YOU'RE WEARING
A TURTLENECK.
7
00:00:14,448 --> 00:00:17,116
OH, WAIT. HOLD ON. IS SOMEONE
FORCING YOU TO WEAR IT?
8
00:00:17,118 --> 00:00:20,119
OOH, BLINK
IF THEY'RE LISTENING.
9
00:00:20,121 --> 00:00:23,622
NICKI JUST SENT THIS
AS A LITTLE GIFT.
10
00:00:23,624 --> 00:00:26,625
NICKI, UH, WAS MY GIRLFRIEND
TILL SHE MOVED AWAY.
11
00:00:26,627 --> 00:00:29,328
AND THEN DUMPED HIM.
12
00:00:29,330 --> 00:00:30,729
POINT IS,
WE FaceTime EVERY NIGHT,
13
00:00:30,731 --> 00:00:32,965
AND I WANTED TO SHOW HER
THAT I WAS WEARING IT.
14
00:00:32,967 --> 00:00:34,133
OH, THAT'S SO SWEET.
15
00:00:34,135 --> 00:00:35,467
SEE? CANDACE GETS IT.
16
00:00:35,469 --> 00:00:37,636
IT'LL BE SO MUCH EASIER
FOR HER TO MOVE ON
17
00:00:37,638 --> 00:00:40,372
IF SHE THINKS
YOU DON'T HAVE A CHIN ANYMORE.
18
00:00:46,981 --> 00:00:48,680
ME? NO, YEAH,
I WORK OUT.
19
00:00:48,682 --> 00:00:51,717
THREE NIGHTS A WEEK --
CARDIO HIP-HOP.
20
00:00:56,490 --> 00:00:57,556
OH, WHAT'S WRONG?
21
00:00:57,558 --> 00:01:00,259
HE'S DANCING LIKE
A "PEANUTS" CHARACTER.
22
00:01:01,996 --> 00:01:03,996
NO, HE'S --
HE'S TRYING TO FLIRT
23
00:01:03,998 --> 00:01:05,164
WITH MY FRIEND ERICA,
24
00:01:05,166 --> 00:01:06,665
BUT IT'S NOT GOING
VERY WELL.
25
00:01:07,368 --> 00:01:09,835
WERE YOU DONE
WITH THAT BEER?
26
00:01:09,837 --> 00:01:12,171
NO.
BUT I DON'T MIND.
27
00:01:12,173 --> 00:01:15,174
SHE'S LIKE THE SWEET
LITTLE SISTER I NEVER HAD.
28
00:01:15,176 --> 00:01:16,842
SHELLY, YOU'VE GOT
A LITTLE SISTER.
29
00:01:16,844 --> 00:01:19,311
YEAH,
BUT SHE'S A BITCH.
30
00:01:20,514 --> 00:01:22,514
TEXT ME IF YOU WANT TO HANG OUT
AFTER WORK.
31
00:01:22,516 --> 00:01:23,582
ALL RIGHT.
32
00:01:23,584 --> 00:01:25,017
[ CHUCKLES ]
33
00:01:25,019 --> 00:01:26,418
BYE, DANNY.
34
00:01:26,420 --> 00:01:28,020
ALL RIGHT, MAN, LOOK,
I'M GONNA TELL YOU SOMETHING
35
00:01:28,022 --> 00:01:29,121
THAT YOU'VE ONLY HEARD
ONCE BEFORE,
36
00:01:29,123 --> 00:01:30,589
AND IT WAS THAT TIME
37
00:01:30,591 --> 00:01:33,258
YOU FELL INTO THE DOLPHIN TANK
AT THE AQUARIUM --
38
00:01:33,260 --> 00:01:34,460
BRACE YOURSELF.
39
00:01:34,462 --> 00:01:36,261
SHE WANTS TO HAVE SEX
WITH YOU.
40
00:01:36,263 --> 00:01:38,797
NO, SHE DOESN'T.
41
00:01:38,799 --> 00:01:41,433
SHE JUST WANTS TO HANG OUT
AFTER WORK.
THE BAR CLOSES AT 2:00.
42
00:01:41,435 --> 00:01:43,268
WHERE DO YOU THINK
SHE WANTS TO HANG OUT?
43
00:01:43,270 --> 00:01:46,805
HOPEFULLY
IN THEM TIGHT-ASS JEANS.
44
00:01:46,807 --> 00:01:49,541
LOOK, I'M NOT LOOKING
FOR A RELATIONSHIP, OKAY?
45
00:01:49,543 --> 00:01:52,277
NICKI AND I,
WE'RE STILL KIND OF, YOU KNOW --
46
00:01:52,279 --> 00:01:54,279
LOOK, NICKI IS SEEING
OTHER PEOPLE --
47
00:01:54,281 --> 00:01:56,548
PROBABLY NAKED.
48
00:01:56,550 --> 00:01:58,550
AND I'M SURE THEY ALL LOOK
BETTER THAN YOU.
49
00:01:58,552 --> 00:02:01,220
BESIDES, ERICA JUST GOT OUT
OF A RELATIONSHIP HERSELF,
50
00:02:01,222 --> 00:02:03,422
SO SHE'S PROBABLY DOWN
FOR A ONE-NIGHT THING.
51
00:02:03,424 --> 00:02:04,556
WOMEN AREN'T INTO THAT.
52
00:02:04,558 --> 00:02:05,891
Leslie:
WHOA, WHOA, WHOA.
53
00:02:05,893 --> 00:02:07,726
SOMETIMES WE ARE.
54
00:02:07,728 --> 00:02:09,495
OKAY, ONE-NIGHT STANDS
ARE LIKE FAST FOOD.
55
00:02:09,497 --> 00:02:10,896
SURE, YOU FEEL GUILTY
THE NEXT DAY,
56
00:02:10,898 --> 00:02:12,931
BUT SOMETIMES
YOU JUST NEED SOMETHING CHEAP
57
00:02:12,933 --> 00:02:14,399
YOU CAN ENJOY
IN YOUR CAR.
58
00:02:16,437 --> 00:02:18,637
I'M NO STRANGER
TO THE ONE-NIGHT STANDS,
59
00:02:18,639 --> 00:02:19,671
ALL RIGHT?
60
00:02:19,673 --> 00:02:20,739
I KNOW HOW IT WORKS.
61
00:02:20,741 --> 00:02:23,675
GO TO A PARTY,
YOU MEET A PRETTY GIRL,
62
00:02:23,677 --> 00:02:24,943
YOU'RE LIKE, "SUP?
63
00:02:24,945 --> 00:02:26,745
WANT TO TRY SOME SEX?"
64
00:02:28,749 --> 00:02:32,117
SO YOU'VE NEVER HAD
A ONE-NIGHT STAND.
65
00:02:32,119 --> 00:02:35,587
I ONLY HAVE
ONE-NIGHT STANDS.
66
00:02:35,589 --> 00:02:37,589
I MEAN, SURE,
I'D LOVE A TWO-NIGHT STAND,
67
00:02:37,591 --> 00:02:39,825
BUT THEY USUALLY CALL IT
AFTER THE FIRST.
68
00:02:39,827 --> 00:02:42,394
OCCASIONALLY DURING IT.
69
00:02:43,931 --> 00:02:46,265
YOU NEED TO GET BACK OUT THERE.
COME ON. IT'S TIME.
70
00:02:46,267 --> 00:02:47,499
OKAY, YOU KNOW WHAT?
WHAT THE HELL.
71
00:02:47,501 --> 00:02:49,601
I'M GONNA DO IT.
I'M GONNA TEXT HER.
72
00:02:49,603 --> 00:02:51,336
[ SIGHS ]
73
00:02:51,338 --> 00:02:54,006
"MY DEAREST ERICA..."
74
00:02:54,008 --> 00:02:55,941
NO, NO, NO.
75
00:02:55,943 --> 00:02:57,276
NUH-UH.
76
00:02:57,278 --> 00:02:59,978
YOU GET SIX WORDS,
THREE OF WHICH MUST BE
77
00:02:59,980 --> 00:03:02,514
"SLAP THAT ASS."
78
00:03:06,220 --> 00:03:08,954
"ERICA? JUSTIN.
79
00:03:08,956 --> 00:03:10,889
TONIGHT...
80
00:03:10,891 --> 00:03:12,724
SLAP THAT ASS."
81
00:03:14,000 --> 00:03:20,074
Advertise your product or brand here
contact www.OpenSubtitles.org today
82
00:03:26,040 --> 00:03:28,707
PERFECTION, HUH?
83
00:03:28,709 --> 00:03:30,909
THAT'S MY BUTT.
84
00:03:30,911 --> 00:03:34,713
LOVE THE CONFIDENCE,
BUT WE USE PROFESSIONAL MODELS.
85
00:03:34,715 --> 00:03:35,914
[ CHUCKLES ]
86
00:03:35,916 --> 00:03:38,317
WELL, THEN,
I JUST GOT DRAFTED TO THE PROS,
87
00:03:38,319 --> 00:03:40,485
BECAUSE THAT'S MY ASS.
88
00:03:41,488 --> 00:03:43,255
HUH. IT COULD BE.
89
00:03:43,257 --> 00:03:45,524
I MEAN, SOME DAY.
90
00:03:45,526 --> 00:03:47,726
IF YOU WORK
A LOT HARDER.
91
00:03:50,064 --> 00:03:52,731
THAT'S MY ASS, DAMN IT.
LOOK.
92
00:03:54,201 --> 00:03:57,336
DISROBE AND STRIKE
THE POSE, PLEASE.
93
00:03:59,440 --> 00:04:02,441
YEAH, THE DIMPLES
DO LINE UP.
94
00:04:04,545 --> 00:04:07,279
WHEN I TOLD THE GYM MANAGER
IT WAS MY BUTT,
95
00:04:07,281 --> 00:04:08,680
HE CALLED ME A LIAR.
96
00:04:08,682 --> 00:04:09,881
IT'S NOT FAIR
97
00:04:09,883 --> 00:04:12,351
BECAUSE I'VE BEEN WORKING
REALLY HARD ON MY BODY.
98
00:04:12,353 --> 00:04:13,885
I'VE BEEN DRINKING LESS.
99
00:04:13,887 --> 00:04:15,020
WHAT?
100
00:04:15,022 --> 00:04:17,322
You said to bring
the whole bottle.
101
00:04:19,293 --> 00:04:21,226
[ Singsong voice ]
I WAS JOKING.
102
00:04:21,228 --> 00:04:23,095
[ Laughing ] OH.
BUT SINCE IT'S HERE...
103
00:04:24,131 --> 00:04:27,032
YOU KNOW, I DON'T THINK
I CAN GO BACK IN THERE.
104
00:04:27,034 --> 00:04:29,768
SEEING THAT POSTER
WILL JUST MAKE ME TOO SAD.
105
00:04:29,770 --> 00:04:31,470
OKAY, THAT GYM
DOESN'T DESERVE TO HAVE
106
00:04:31,472 --> 00:04:32,871
ANY PART OF YOUR BODY
ON ITS WALLS,
107
00:04:32,873 --> 00:04:35,440
ESPECIALLY
YOUR SWEET, LITTLE BOTTOM.
108
00:04:36,377 --> 00:04:38,710
WE'RE GONNA GET
YOUR ASS BACK.
109
00:04:38,712 --> 00:04:41,046
BUT WHEN WE DO,
YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO RETURN IT
110
00:04:41,048 --> 00:04:43,615
TO WHATEVER BLACK GIRL
YOU STOLE IT FROM.
111
00:04:46,220 --> 00:04:47,319
ERICA TEXTED BACK!
112
00:04:47,321 --> 00:04:48,553
ERICA TEXTED BACK!
113
00:04:48,555 --> 00:04:49,888
IT'S ON. IT'S ON.
114
00:04:49,890 --> 00:04:52,224
WHAT HAPPENS NOW?
DO I GET A HAIRCUT?
115
00:04:52,226 --> 00:04:53,825
DO I NEED
HER FATHER'S PERMISSION?
116
00:05:00,734 --> 00:05:04,236
[ CHUCKLES ]
117
00:05:04,238 --> 00:05:08,240
LAST NIGHT WAS AMAZING.
118
00:05:08,242 --> 00:05:11,009
I WISH YOU WERE THERE.
119
00:05:15,082 --> 00:05:17,082
YOU KNOW,
THE WALLS ARE SO THIN,
120
00:05:17,084 --> 00:05:18,750
I KIND OF FEEL LIKE I WAS.
121
00:05:20,454 --> 00:05:22,321
BY THE WAY,
DID I HEAR SPANKING?
122
00:05:22,323 --> 00:05:25,757
BRIEFLY,
BUT I ASKED HER TO STOP.
123
00:05:25,759 --> 00:05:27,592
THE KEY
TO A ONE-NIGHT STAND
124
00:05:27,594 --> 00:05:29,261
IS THAT WHEN SHE LEAVES,
YOU JUST LET HER GO.
125
00:05:29,263 --> 00:05:31,763
NOW, YOU DON'T WANT TO DATE HER.
SHE DOESN'T WANT TO DATE YOU.
126
00:05:31,765 --> 00:05:33,999
SO DON'T SAY OR DO ANYTHING
TO LEAD HER ON.
127
00:05:36,337 --> 00:05:39,604
HEY.
I'M GONNA TAKE OFF.
128
00:05:39,606 --> 00:05:40,639
COOL.
129
00:05:40,641 --> 00:05:43,008
YOU DID A GREAT JOB
LAST NIGHT, BAE.
130
00:05:49,483 --> 00:05:52,284
[ DOOR CLOSES ]
131
00:05:52,286 --> 00:05:53,385
[ DOOR OPENS ]
132
00:05:53,387 --> 00:05:55,120
FORGOT MY KEYS.
133
00:05:55,122 --> 00:05:57,022
SORRY.
134
00:05:57,024 --> 00:05:58,390
I FEEL SO STUPID.
135
00:05:58,392 --> 00:06:00,359
I SHOULD SAY SOMETHING
TO MAKE HER FEEL BETTER.
136
00:06:00,361 --> 00:06:01,893
NO. THINK "BRAVEHEART."
137
00:06:01,895 --> 00:06:03,695
[ Scottish accent ] HOLD.
138
00:06:04,998 --> 00:06:07,699
HOLD.
139
00:06:07,701 --> 00:06:09,701
HOLD.
140
00:06:11,238 --> 00:06:12,404
[ CHUCKLES ]
141
00:06:12,406 --> 00:06:14,406
[ BOTH CHUCKLE ]
SO, I'M GONNA GO.
142
00:06:14,408 --> 00:06:16,908
I'LL SEE YOU AROUND --
OR NOT AROUND, YOU KNOW?
143
00:06:16,910 --> 00:06:18,977
IT KIND OF FELT LIKE
THIS WAS A ONE-NIGHT THING.
144
00:06:18,979 --> 00:06:20,379
NOT THAT YOU'RE
THAT TYPE OF GIRL.
145
00:06:20,381 --> 00:06:21,646
I MEAN,
YOU DESERVE MANY NIGHTS.
146
00:06:21,648 --> 00:06:23,849
I WAS LUCKY TO GET ONE.
[ CHUCKLES ]
147
00:06:23,851 --> 00:06:27,853
I-I GUESS, UH, UM -- UM --
WHAT I'M TRYING TO SAY IS...
148
00:06:27,855 --> 00:06:29,588
HOLD.
149
00:06:29,590 --> 00:06:32,824
...WE SHOULD --
WE SHOULD GO OUT AGAIN.
150
00:06:37,831 --> 00:06:40,832
I DIDN'T THINK THAT'S WHAT
THIS WAS, BUT WHAT THE HELL?
151
00:06:40,834 --> 00:06:43,001
[ Normal voice ] BYE, ERICA.
IT WAS GREAT SEEING YOU.
152
00:06:43,003 --> 00:06:44,069
BYE.
153
00:06:48,742 --> 00:06:50,442
HEY, MAN.
154
00:06:50,444 --> 00:06:52,744
YOU WANT TO DO THIS
NOW OR LATER?
NOW.
155
00:06:58,185 --> 00:06:59,551
Brett: OKAY.
156
00:06:59,553 --> 00:07:04,122
OPERATION BOOTY RECALL
IS IN FULL EFFECT.
157
00:07:04,124 --> 00:07:07,359
THIS HEIST WILL BE EXACTLY
LIKE "OCEAN'S ELEVEN,"
158
00:07:07,361 --> 00:07:09,861
ONLY INSTEAD OF MISTERS PITT
AND CLOONEY
159
00:07:09,863 --> 00:07:12,798
PORTRAYING MOUTHWATERING
CAT BURGLARS...
160
00:07:16,870 --> 00:07:19,438
SORRY, GOT LOST THERE
FOR A SECOND.
161
00:07:19,440 --> 00:07:23,108
AND, YES, CANDACE,
BEFORE YOU ASK, I AM GAY.
162
00:07:23,110 --> 00:07:24,609
I HAD NO IDEA,
163
00:07:24,611 --> 00:07:27,312
BECAUSE ALL OF MY GAY FRIENDS
ARE IN GREAT SHAPE.
164
00:07:27,314 --> 00:07:29,681
[ LAUGHS ]
165
00:07:31,218 --> 00:07:33,885
I'M SO SORRY.
166
00:07:33,887 --> 00:07:34,953
OFF YOU POP.
167
00:07:34,955 --> 00:07:35,887
OKAY.
168
00:07:35,889 --> 00:07:37,789
SHELLY,
YOU ARE GONNA KEEP
169
00:07:37,791 --> 00:07:39,624
THE DOUCHEY GYM MANAGER
OCCUPIED.
170
00:07:39,626 --> 00:07:41,660
I NEED TO KNOW MORE
ABOUT MY CHARACTER.
171
00:07:41,662 --> 00:07:43,829
CAN I BE
A JAPANESE BUSINESSMAN?
172
00:07:45,499 --> 00:07:46,765
SURE, WHY NOT?
173
00:07:46,767 --> 00:07:48,133
THEN I'LL CREATE
A DISTRACTION
174
00:07:48,135 --> 00:07:50,335
BY LIFTING
A TREMENDOUS AMOUNT OF WEIGHT --
175
00:07:50,337 --> 00:07:51,770
GETTING BANGED
BY EVERYONE'S EYES
176
00:07:51,772 --> 00:07:55,807
CHECKING OUT MY BIS, TRIS,
AND THIGHS.
177
00:07:57,344 --> 00:07:59,811
THAT'S ABSOLUTELY
HORRIFYING.
178
00:08:01,281 --> 00:08:03,949
SO WHEN THE DOUCHEY GYM MANAGER
GOES UP TO BURSKI,
179
00:08:03,951 --> 00:08:06,518
I'LL SWITCH LESLIE'S POSTER OUT
FOR A NEW ONE,
180
00:08:06,520 --> 00:08:10,522
AND JUST LIKE THAT,
[WHOOSHES] WE'RE GONE.
181
00:08:10,524 --> 00:08:12,624
WHOSE BUTT ARE YOU GONNA USE
FOR THE FAKE POSTER?
182
00:08:12,626 --> 00:08:15,360
CANDACE,
WE NEED A FAVOR.
183
00:08:15,362 --> 00:08:17,762
OH, PLEASE.
SHE'S SO TINY.
184
00:08:17,764 --> 00:08:21,099
SHE COULD GO CAMPING
IN MY PANTIES.
185
00:08:21,101 --> 00:08:22,467
QUICK QUESTION --
186
00:08:22,469 --> 00:08:24,936
WHERE WOULD SOMEONE SIGN UP
FOR THE PANTY CAMPING?
187
00:08:28,141 --> 00:08:29,374
NO, NO, I GOT IT.
188
00:08:29,376 --> 00:08:30,642
YOU CAN TELL THEM.
189
00:08:30,644 --> 00:08:32,944
JUSTIN BLEW
THE ONE-NIGHT STAND.
190
00:08:32,946 --> 00:08:34,646
HE COULDN'T LET
ERICA LEAVE,
191
00:08:34,648 --> 00:08:36,648
AND NOW HE'S DATING A GIRL
HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE.
192
00:08:36,650 --> 00:08:38,717
SHE CAME BACK IN FOR HER KEYS
AND I PANICKED.
193
00:08:38,719 --> 00:08:39,951
OH, YOU NEVER GO
BACK IN.
194
00:08:39,953 --> 00:08:43,221
I'VE LEFT BEHIND
KEYS, PURSES, A DOG.
195
00:08:45,192 --> 00:08:47,659
I'M LIKE THE OPPOSITE
OF A NAVY SEAL.
196
00:08:47,661 --> 00:08:49,127
I LEAVE EVERYTHING BEHIND.
197
00:08:49,129 --> 00:08:51,997
THIS IS LIKE AMANDA
ALL OVER AGAIN.
198
00:08:51,999 --> 00:08:53,999
THAT WAS JUSTIN'S
COLLEGE GIRLFRIEND.
199
00:08:54,001 --> 00:08:56,201
JUSTIN WANTED OUT
BUT HE COULDN'T END IT,
200
00:08:56,203 --> 00:08:58,570
SO THEY STAYED TOGETHER
UNTIL SHE GRADUATED
201
00:08:58,572 --> 00:09:01,206
WITH A DEGREE IN ZOOLOGY
AND MOVED TO THE CONGO
202
00:09:01,208 --> 00:09:04,576
TO FOLLOW HER DREAM
OF LIVING WITH THE BABOONS.
203
00:09:06,079 --> 00:09:08,246
HOW DID YOU FINALLY
LET HER KNOW IT WAS OVER?
204
00:09:08,248 --> 00:09:10,982
UNFORTUNATELY, WE WEREN'T
ABLE TO HAVE THAT CONVERSATION
205
00:09:10,984 --> 00:09:13,485
BEFORE SHE WAS TORN APART
AND EATEN BY THE BABOONS.
206
00:09:13,487 --> 00:09:15,420
WHY DON'T YOU
JUST TELL HER
207
00:09:15,422 --> 00:09:18,323
YOU'RE NOT REMOTELY INTERESTED
IN ANY TYPE OF RELATIONSHIP?
208
00:09:18,325 --> 00:09:19,591
JUST DAGGER HER, MAN.
NO!
209
00:09:19,593 --> 00:09:20,692
I'M NOT THAT HEARTLESS.
210
00:09:20,694 --> 00:09:22,060
DID SHE TEXT ME TODAY
211
00:09:22,062 --> 00:09:24,229
AND ASK IF I WANT TO GO
TO BRUNCH TOMORROW? YEAH.
212
00:09:24,231 --> 00:09:26,231
AM I ACTUALLY GONNA GO?
213
00:09:26,233 --> 00:09:27,832
YES. I LOVE BRUNCH.
214
00:09:27,834 --> 00:09:30,902
LOOK, WE'LL GO
ON A COUPLE DATES,
215
00:09:30,904 --> 00:09:32,771
THEN I'M GONNA TAKE
A "BUSINESS TRIP."
216
00:09:32,773 --> 00:09:34,873
SPOILER ALERT --
I'M NOT ON A BUSINESS TRIP.
217
00:09:34,875 --> 00:09:36,775
I'M JUST HOME
CATCHING UP ON "SCANDAL."
218
00:09:36,777 --> 00:09:38,510
THEN SHE'LL MEET
SOMEONE ELSE.
219
00:09:38,512 --> 00:09:41,046
SHE'LL LET ME DOWN EASY.
NO ONE GETS HURT.
220
00:09:41,048 --> 00:09:44,249
JUST NOBODY TELL NICKI
THAT I'M FAKE-DATING SOMEONE.
221
00:09:44,251 --> 00:09:47,586
SHOULD WE NOT TELL HER
WHILE SHE'S REAL-DATING SOMEONE?
222
00:09:56,930 --> 00:10:01,266
AND A BEER
FOR MY NEW FAVORITE TEDDY BEAR
223
00:10:01,268 --> 00:10:02,934
WHOSE NAME IS...
224
00:10:02,936 --> 00:10:06,071
WHEN I WAS A KID, I ACCIDENTALLY
ATE MY TEDDY BEAR'S EYES.
225
00:10:06,073 --> 00:10:07,739
WE COULDN'T AFFORD
A NEW ONE
226
00:10:07,741 --> 00:10:09,541
BECAUSE OF MY DAD'S
GAMBLING PROBLEM,
227
00:10:09,543 --> 00:10:11,943
SO I MADE EYES
OUT OF PASTA SHELLS -- SHELLY!
228
00:10:14,281 --> 00:10:17,048
THAT WAS
AN INCREDIBLY SAD RIDE,
229
00:10:17,050 --> 00:10:19,484
BUT I'M GLAD
YOU GOT THERE.
230
00:10:20,754 --> 00:10:24,055
SHE'S A BREATH OF FRESH AIR
BUT A DREADFUL WAITRESS.
231
00:10:24,057 --> 00:10:25,590
I DID NOT ORDER
A HOT DOG.
232
00:10:25,592 --> 00:10:29,794
NOR DO THEY SERVE
HOT DOGS HERE.
233
00:10:30,564 --> 00:10:32,597
ERICA. HEY.
WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?
234
00:10:32,599 --> 00:10:34,432
[ SIGHS ]
I WAS JUST LEAVING.
235
00:10:34,434 --> 00:10:37,302
HEY, MAYBE IN THE FUTURE,
TRY HARDER TO BE A REAL MAN.
236
00:10:37,304 --> 00:10:38,503
WILL DO.
237
00:10:43,076 --> 00:10:44,442
WHY WOULD SHE
SAY THAT?
238
00:10:44,444 --> 00:10:46,344
UH, I THINK
SHE WAS JUST OFFERING
239
00:10:46,346 --> 00:10:48,246
SOME FRIENDLY ADVICE,
YOU KNOW?
240
00:10:48,248 --> 00:10:50,115
UH, ALSO, I BROKE UP
WITH HER FOR YOU.
241
00:10:50,117 --> 00:10:53,318
WHAT KIND OF PERSON BREAKS UP
WITH A GIRL FOR ANOTHER MAN?
242
00:10:53,320 --> 00:10:56,087
A BEST FRIEND,
A HERO, A MENTOR.
243
00:10:56,089 --> 00:10:57,188
I COULD GO ON.
244
00:10:57,190 --> 00:10:59,124
I DIDN'T
WANT TO DO THIS --
245
00:10:59,126 --> 00:11:01,459
A WARRIOR.
246
00:11:01,461 --> 00:11:03,595
I DIDN'T WANT TO DO THIS
YOUR WAY, ALL RIGHT?
247
00:11:03,597 --> 00:11:05,263
I DIDN'T WANT TO BE
A BAD GUY.
248
00:11:05,265 --> 00:11:07,465
WHOA, WAIT.
HOLD ON ONE SECOND.
249
00:11:07,467 --> 00:11:08,867
YOU THINK I'M A BAD GUY.
250
00:11:08,869 --> 00:11:10,869
YEAH, I JUST SAID THAT.
251
00:11:10,871 --> 00:11:13,271
THAT'S NOT TRUE.
I'M ALWAYS TRYING TO HELP YOU.
252
00:11:13,273 --> 00:11:14,472
YOU GUYS HEARD
WHAT HE DID,
253
00:11:14,474 --> 00:11:16,341
SO LET'S TAKE
A LITTLE VOTE.
254
00:11:16,343 --> 00:11:19,511
IF YOU THINK DANNY'S A BAD GUY,
RAISE YOUR HAND.
255
00:11:27,487 --> 00:11:30,388
WHAT ABOUT YOU, CANDACE?
256
00:11:30,390 --> 00:11:32,057
NO, THANK YOU.
I REALLY NEED THIS JOB.
257
00:11:32,059 --> 00:11:34,859
SO I'M JUST TRYING
TO LEARN NAMES AND MAKE FRIENDS.
258
00:11:36,163 --> 00:11:38,563
DON'T WORRY, SWEETHEART.
YOU HAVE PLENTY OF FRIENDS HERE.
259
00:11:38,565 --> 00:11:39,831
THANK YOU, AND, UH...
260
00:11:39,833 --> 00:11:41,566
WAIT, YOUR NAME
IS EASY TO REMEMBER
261
00:11:41,568 --> 00:11:44,135
BECAUSE WHEN WE FIRST MET,
BASED OFF OF YOUR CLOTHING
262
00:11:44,137 --> 00:11:45,637
AND THE WAY YOU RUBBED
MY SHOULDERS,
263
00:11:45,639 --> 00:11:47,405
I THOUGHT FOR SURE
YOU WERE A LESBI--
264
00:11:47,407 --> 00:11:50,308
LESLIE!
265
00:12:00,520 --> 00:12:03,655
OH. KONNICHIWA.
266
00:12:03,657 --> 00:12:06,925
I'M A JAPANESE BUSINESSMAN.
267
00:12:06,927 --> 00:12:09,661
YOU MEAN YOU'RE A BUSINESSMAN
FROM JAPAN.
268
00:12:09,663 --> 00:12:11,596
OH, NO.
I'M OF JAPANESE DESCENT.
269
00:12:11,598 --> 00:12:13,598
I THINK
I WAS VERY CLEAR ON THAT.
270
00:12:13,600 --> 00:12:17,168
ALL RIGHT,
I GOT 275 COMING UP.
271
00:12:17,170 --> 00:12:18,436
[ GRUNTS ]
272
00:12:18,438 --> 00:12:19,938
OH, MY GOD!
273
00:12:19,940 --> 00:12:20,839
BIG MISTAKE!
274
00:12:20,841 --> 00:12:23,074
HELP ME!
HELP ME! HELP ME!
275
00:12:23,076 --> 00:12:25,343
[ GROANS ]
276
00:12:36,456 --> 00:12:39,124
THAT'S YOUR BRITISH BUTT,
ISN'T IT?
277
00:12:39,126 --> 00:12:42,127
WELL, A LITTLE FREE ADVERTISING
NEVER HURT ANYONE, MATE.
278
00:12:46,066 --> 00:12:48,299
TA-DA!
279
00:12:48,301 --> 00:12:50,201
OH, YOU GOT
MY ASS BACK!
280
00:12:50,203 --> 00:12:51,770
AW, I LOVE YOU GUYS.
281
00:12:51,772 --> 00:12:52,871
YEP.
282
00:12:52,873 --> 00:12:54,606
NOW WE JUST HAVE TO GET
SHELLY BACK.
283
00:12:54,608 --> 00:12:57,876
I FEAR HE MAY NEVER
BREAK CHARACTER.
284
00:12:57,878 --> 00:13:00,478
HE JOINED A JAPANESE
DATING SITE.
285
00:13:00,480 --> 00:13:04,516
[ Guttural voice ]
J-DATE.
286
00:13:06,119 --> 00:13:07,385
SO, BECAUSE OF JUSTIN,
287
00:13:07,387 --> 00:13:08,987
YOU ALL NOW THINK
THAT I'M A BAD GUY,
288
00:13:08,989 --> 00:13:11,256
BUT I CONTEND
THAT WHEN IT COMES TO WOMEN,
289
00:13:11,258 --> 00:13:12,590
I AM NOT THE BAD GUY.
290
00:13:12,592 --> 00:13:14,225
DO YOU KNOW WHO IS? NO.
291
00:13:14,227 --> 00:13:15,727
NO.
292
00:13:15,729 --> 00:13:17,695
YES, BUT THIS
ISN'T ABOUT YOU.
293
00:13:18,498 --> 00:13:19,764
JUSTIN.
294
00:13:19,766 --> 00:13:21,733
WHEN IT COMES
TO LETTING DOWN WOMEN,
295
00:13:21,735 --> 00:13:23,468
YOU'RE MUCH WORSE
THAN I AM.
296
00:13:23,470 --> 00:13:25,770
THAT'S INSANE.
297
00:13:25,772 --> 00:13:27,806
WELL, I SAY LET'S LET
THE PEOPLE DECIDE.
298
00:13:29,409 --> 00:13:30,909
THIS COURT
IS NOW IN SESSION.
299
00:13:30,911 --> 00:13:33,411
JUSTIN KEARNEY
vs. DANNY BURTON.
300
00:13:33,413 --> 00:13:35,246
NOBODY WANTS TO DO
YOUR FAKE TRIAL.
301
00:13:35,248 --> 00:13:38,616
[ Normal voice ] OH, I'D LOVE
A NEW CHARACTER TO GET LOST IN.
302
00:13:38,618 --> 00:13:41,486
I'LL BE THE TOUGH JUDGE
THAT SAYS THINGS LIKE
303
00:13:41,488 --> 00:13:42,754
"I'LL ALLOW IT,
304
00:13:42,756 --> 00:13:45,590
BUT YOU'RE ON THIN ICE,
COUNSELOR."
305
00:13:46,593 --> 00:13:48,259
NOW LET'S GET
THIS TRIAL UNDERWAY.
306
00:13:48,261 --> 00:13:50,094
FINE.
YOU WANT TO PLAY?
307
00:13:50,096 --> 00:13:51,496
SURPRISE, DANNY.
308
00:13:51,498 --> 00:13:54,265
I WAS CAPTAIN OF MY DEBATE TEAM
IN COLLEGE.
309
00:13:54,267 --> 00:13:57,435
THAT'S NOT A SURPRISE,
NERD.
310
00:14:00,106 --> 00:14:04,509
AS FOR MY FIRST WITNESS,
I CALL LESLIE BURTON.
311
00:14:04,511 --> 00:14:06,010
[ GASPS ]
312
00:14:06,012 --> 00:14:09,747
[ MURMURING INDISTINCTLY ]
313
00:14:11,117 --> 00:14:13,117
NOW, AS DANNY'S SISTER,
314
00:14:13,119 --> 00:14:15,520
I CAN IMAGINE
THAT HE HAS HOOKED UP
315
00:14:15,522 --> 00:14:17,155
WITH SOME OF YOUR FRIENDS.
316
00:14:17,157 --> 00:14:19,324
ALL OF MY FRIENDS.
317
00:14:19,326 --> 00:14:21,459
AND HOW DID
THOSE RELATIONSHIPS END?
318
00:14:21,461 --> 00:14:22,861
HORRIBLY.
319
00:14:22,863 --> 00:14:25,563
"HORRIBLY."
320
00:14:26,566 --> 00:14:28,299
THEY WERE ALL CRUSHED.
321
00:14:28,301 --> 00:14:30,869
I WEEP FOR THEM.
322
00:14:32,405 --> 00:14:34,472
YOUR WITNESS.
323
00:14:43,650 --> 00:14:45,750
JUST ONE QUESTION.
324
00:14:48,855 --> 00:14:50,822
NOW, AFTER I DAGGERED
YOUR FRIENDS,
325
00:14:50,824 --> 00:14:52,991
WERE THEY --
WERE THEY STILL HUNG UP ON ME?
326
00:14:52,993 --> 00:14:55,493
NO. THEY NEVER THOUGHT
ABOUT YOU AGAIN.
327
00:14:55,495 --> 00:14:56,761
THEY MOVED ON QUICKLY.
328
00:14:56,763 --> 00:14:58,763
INTERESTING.
INTERESTING.
329
00:14:58,765 --> 00:15:00,565
I WOULD LIKE
TO NOW CALL
330
00:15:00,567 --> 00:15:02,667
THE NEW WAITRESS
TO THE STAND.
331
00:15:02,669 --> 00:15:04,836
OBJECTION, YOUR HONOR!
RELEVANCE.
332
00:15:04,838 --> 00:15:07,839
I'M TRYING TO ESTABLISH
A PATTERN OF BEHAVIOR.
333
00:15:07,841 --> 00:15:11,042
THE ACCUSED IS SO DESPERATE
TO BE LIKED
334
00:15:11,044 --> 00:15:15,914
THAT HE STRINGS PEOPLE ALONG
IN ALL ASPECTS OF HIS LIFE.
335
00:15:17,117 --> 00:15:18,182
I'LL ALLOW IT,
336
00:15:18,184 --> 00:15:20,685
BUT YOU'RE ON THIN ICE,
COUNSELOR.
337
00:15:20,687 --> 00:15:22,687
[ LAUGHS ]
338
00:15:24,057 --> 00:15:27,225
NOW, CANDACE...
339
00:15:27,227 --> 00:15:28,826
[ CLEARS THROAT ]
340
00:15:32,198 --> 00:15:33,531
YOU DO, UH, REALIZE
341
00:15:33,533 --> 00:15:36,200
THAT YOU'RE
A HORRIBLE WAITRESS, RIGHT?
342
00:15:37,938 --> 00:15:40,672
I DO.
343
00:15:44,311 --> 00:15:47,211
HAS JUSTIN BEEN SAYING THINGS
TO YOU LATELY
344
00:15:47,213 --> 00:15:48,546
LIKE "MONEY'S TIGHT"
345
00:15:48,548 --> 00:15:51,082
OR "DON'T WORRY
IF YOU GET A BETTER JOB"?
346
00:15:51,084 --> 00:15:52,150
HE HAS.
347
00:15:52,152 --> 00:15:54,218
AND WOULD YOU BE SHOCKED
IF I TOLD YOU
348
00:15:54,220 --> 00:15:56,821
THAT HIS PLAN WAS TO EVENTUALLY
REDUCE YOUR SHIFTS
349
00:15:56,823 --> 00:15:59,624
SO YOU WOULD JUST LEAVE
SO HE DIDN'T HAVE TO FIRE YOU?
350
00:15:59,626 --> 00:16:01,559
YOU WERE GONNA DO THAT?
351
00:16:01,561 --> 00:16:04,495
[ SCOFFS ]
352
00:16:04,497 --> 00:16:06,731
NOT ANYMORE.
353
00:16:11,004 --> 00:16:14,072
"NOT ANYMORE."
354
00:16:16,176 --> 00:16:20,345
UH, BAILIFF, WOULD YOU PLEASE
LET IN MY SURPRISE WITNESS?
355
00:16:22,515 --> 00:16:24,582
[ ALL GASP ]
356
00:16:24,584 --> 00:16:27,752
[ MURMURING INDISTINCTLY ]
...ERICA.
357
00:16:30,423 --> 00:16:35,093
NOW, HOW DID IT FEEL
358
00:16:35,095 --> 00:16:38,196
WHEN YOU FOUND OUT THAT JUSTIN
DIDN'T WANT TO DATE YOU?
359
00:16:38,198 --> 00:16:39,964
I WISH HE HAD
JUST BEEN STRAIGHT WITH ME.
360
00:16:39,966 --> 00:16:42,100
I MEAN, HE MADE IT SEEM LIKE
IT COULD BE SOMETHING.
361
00:16:42,102 --> 00:16:45,770
THANK YOU
FOR BEING BRAVE.
362
00:16:49,376 --> 00:16:52,210
BRETT, COULD YOU READ THAT
BACK TO US, PLEASE?
363
00:16:52,212 --> 00:16:56,014
NO. THIS IS JUST
A CASH REGISTER, MATE.
364
00:16:58,451 --> 00:17:01,152
ERICA, I'M...
365
00:17:01,154 --> 00:17:03,888
I'M SO SORRY.
366
00:17:03,890 --> 00:17:05,923
THANKS.
367
00:17:07,961 --> 00:17:10,828
WOW.
368
00:17:10,830 --> 00:17:14,232
ALL THOSE
WHO FIND JUSTIN GUILTY,
369
00:17:14,234 --> 00:17:15,833
PLEASE SAY "AYE."
370
00:17:15,835 --> 00:17:17,168
AYE. AYE.
AYE. AYE.
371
00:17:17,170 --> 00:17:18,536
I REST MY CASE.
372
00:17:18,538 --> 00:17:21,639
AND THEN TO CELEBRATE,
I'D LIKE TO DO THE RUNNING MAN.
373
00:17:24,177 --> 00:17:25,309
I'LL ALLOW IT.
374
00:17:30,884 --> 00:17:32,984
YOU CAN GLOAT LATER.
375
00:17:32,986 --> 00:17:34,519
I'M SUPPOSED TO FaceTime
WITH NICKI RIGHT NOW.
376
00:17:34,521 --> 00:17:36,387
YOU NEED TO UNDERSTAND
THAT STRINGING SOMEONE ALONG
377
00:17:36,389 --> 00:17:38,189
IN A RELATIONSHIP THAT'S
GOING NOWHERE IS NOT COOL.
378
00:17:38,191 --> 00:17:40,158
WHY DO YOU CARE SO MUCH
ABOUT THIS?
379
00:17:40,160 --> 00:17:41,492
NICKI: Justin?
380
00:17:41,494 --> 00:17:42,927
Babe, are you there?
381
00:17:42,929 --> 00:17:45,530
BECAUSE THAT'S EXACTLY
WHAT NICKI'S DOING TO YOU.
382
00:17:45,532 --> 00:17:46,864
SHE'S STRINGING YOU ALONG
383
00:17:46,866 --> 00:17:48,499
IN A RELATIONSHIP
THAT'S GOING NOWHERE.
384
00:17:48,501 --> 00:17:51,402
YOU'RE WRONG.
385
00:17:52,672 --> 00:17:55,039
DUDE,
YOU AND NICKI ARE OVER,
386
00:17:55,041 --> 00:17:58,009
AND IT'S OBVIOUS
TO EVERYONE BUT YOU.
387
00:17:58,011 --> 00:18:00,378
DO YOU ALL
FEEL THAT WAY?
388
00:18:00,380 --> 00:18:02,213
YEAH.
YEAH.
389
00:18:02,215 --> 00:18:03,614
SORRY.
390
00:18:03,616 --> 00:18:04,949
WELL, YOU KNOW WHAT?
391
00:18:04,951 --> 00:18:07,051
YOU GUYS DON'T KNOW
WHAT'S GONNA HAPPEN.
392
00:18:07,053 --> 00:18:08,853
WELL, YOU KNOW WHAT?
IF YOU WON'T LISTEN TO ME,
393
00:18:08,855 --> 00:18:10,855
THEN MAYBE YOU'LL LISTEN
TO THE VOICE OF OUR GENERATION.
394
00:18:10,857 --> 00:18:13,791
DON'T YOU DARE
USE TAYLOR SWIFT AGAINST ME.
395
00:18:15,528 --> 00:18:18,696
YOU AND NICKI
ARE NEVER, EVER, EVER
396
00:18:18,698 --> 00:18:21,099
GETTING BACK TOGETHER.
397
00:18:22,535 --> 00:18:24,769
LIKE, EVER.
398
00:18:36,216 --> 00:18:38,382
HEY, UM...
399
00:18:38,384 --> 00:18:42,720
ARE YOU JUST SITTING
IN THE DARK ALONE, DEPRESSED?
400
00:18:42,722 --> 00:18:44,755
NO.
401
00:18:44,757 --> 00:18:47,391
EVERY LIGHT IS BURNT OUT.
402
00:18:47,393 --> 00:18:50,795
IF YOU DON'T BELIEVE ME,
TRY THE SWITCH.
403
00:18:55,335 --> 00:18:59,237
WELL, I WAS OBVIOUSLY HOPING
FOR SOME KIND OF MIRACLE THERE.
404
00:18:59,239 --> 00:19:01,439
I DIDN'T MEAN
TO HURT YOU, OKAY?
405
00:19:01,441 --> 00:19:05,443
I JUST -- I DON'T WANT
ANYBODY MESSING WITH MY BOY.
406
00:19:05,445 --> 00:19:07,478
I-I FEEL STUPID.
YOU GUYS CAN GO.
407
00:19:07,480 --> 00:19:09,914
NO, IT'S OKAY, MAN.
WE'RE HERE FOR YOU.
408
00:19:09,916 --> 00:19:11,782
YEAH. THERE'S NO PLACE
WE'D RATHER BE.
409
00:19:11,784 --> 00:19:12,783
WE LOVE YOU, MAN.
410
00:19:12,785 --> 00:19:15,920
WHOSE HOUSE IS THIS?
411
00:19:17,157 --> 00:19:19,423
CAN I TALK TO YOU ALONE
FOR A SEC?
412
00:19:19,425 --> 00:19:20,291
YEAH, SURE.
413
00:19:20,293 --> 00:19:22,793
GUYS, STAND OUT
ON THE PORCH.
414
00:19:22,795 --> 00:19:24,095
WHAT?
415
00:19:26,099 --> 00:19:29,100
THERE ARE OTHER ROOMS
WE COULD WAIT IN.
416
00:19:29,102 --> 00:19:30,668
NO. GO OUT ON THE PORCH.
417
00:19:30,670 --> 00:19:32,336
THIS IS THE WORST ROOM.
418
00:19:36,442 --> 00:19:37,808
I, UM, CALLED NICKI
419
00:19:37,810 --> 00:19:40,344
AND ASKED HER
TO BE HONEST WITH ME.
420
00:19:40,346 --> 00:19:44,282
SHE APOLOGIZED
FOR STRINGING ME ALONG.
421
00:19:45,385 --> 00:19:48,519
THEN SHE DAGGERED ME, DANNY,
RIGHT IN THE HEART.
422
00:19:49,622 --> 00:19:52,957
[ SIGHS ]
423
00:19:52,959 --> 00:19:54,792
SORRY, BUDDY.
THAT SUCKS.
424
00:19:54,794 --> 00:20:00,264
THEY SAY IT TAKES LIKE A DAY
FOR IT TO STOP HURTING, RIGHT?
425
00:20:03,069 --> 00:20:06,837
M-MAYBE FOR YOU,
IT'D TAKE LIKE SIX OR EIGHT.
426
00:20:06,839 --> 00:20:08,139
DAYS?
427
00:20:08,141 --> 00:20:12,677
DAYS, YEARS, WHATEVER.
LOOK, I --
428
00:20:12,679 --> 00:20:15,680
THE TRUTH IS, JUSTIN,
YOU'RE A GREAT GUY, YOU KNOW?
429
00:20:15,682 --> 00:20:19,083
AND -- AND ONCE YOU MOVE ON
AND GET RID OF THOSE KHAKIS,
430
00:20:19,085 --> 00:20:21,419
THE WORLD'S GONNA OPEN UP
FOR YOU.
431
00:20:21,421 --> 00:20:24,088
THANKS.
432
00:20:24,090 --> 00:20:25,523
SEAL IT WITH A HUG.
433
00:20:25,525 --> 00:20:29,560
ALL RIGHT. ONLY 'CAUSE
NO ONE'S WATCHING, OKAY?
434
00:20:29,562 --> 00:20:31,996
OH, SHUT UP.
435
00:20:32,732 --> 00:20:35,833
Shelly: AWW.
436
00:20:35,835 --> 00:20:37,468
HI, BOYS.
437
00:20:39,572 --> 00:20:41,706
[ KNOCK ON DOOR ]
438
00:20:41,708 --> 00:20:43,107
WHAT'S UP?
439
00:20:43,109 --> 00:20:44,542
WELL, STRANGEST THING --
440
00:20:44,544 --> 00:20:47,712
NO ONE CAN SEEM TO FIND
THE POSTER OF MY BUTT.
441
00:20:47,714 --> 00:20:50,581
THAT IS STRANGE.
442
00:20:50,583 --> 00:20:53,718
IT'S HANGING ABOVE YOUR COUCH,
ISN'T IT?
443
00:20:53,720 --> 00:20:55,319
YES.
444
00:20:57,023 --> 00:20:59,590
REALLY, BURSK?
[ SCOFFS ]
445
00:20:59,592 --> 00:21:01,726
YOU JUST BOUGHT YOURSELF
446
00:21:01,728 --> 00:21:04,595
MY SIGNATURE
DISAPPROVING HEAD SHAKE.
447
00:21:07,867 --> 00:21:10,601
FOR SHAME.
448
00:21:23,883 --> 00:21:25,349
OH.
448
00:21:26,305 --> 00:21:32,201
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