Original subtitles

Oh my god hey what are you guys doing here?

What we can't say hi to our cool stepmom?

Bro, we really should stop calling her that.

I know I am legally your stepmom but you guys will always be my own.

Did you guys bring flowers?

Yeah.

Oh my god, you guys are so sweet.

Um, I'm gonna put these in some water, come on in.

Cool.

Well we're on spring vacation.

Yeah. I mean, shouldn't...

We just wanted to check on you.

Check on me? You guys should be at the beach doing all sorts of fun, cool stuff with your friends.

You don't need to check on me.

Well, having fun with you is awesome.

No, I'm boring.

No, you guys should be at the beach. Like, you guys shouldn't have flown here.

Why? Dad's not here, so we wanted to come spend time with you.

You're in this big new house all alone, so...

Yeah, you might get bored and lonely.

Well, I mean he's gone a lot, but it doesn't bother me. I have lots of things to do. I have hobbies.

Well, yeah, but you haven't seen us in a while. I haven't. I am really glad you guys are here.

We wanted to come keep you company. I always want to see my boys. And we appreciate you so much.

Yeah, but you know, there's other holidays. Not spring break. You guys should be partying.

What? No, I'd rather spend time with my mom. Yeah.

That's really, really sweet of you guys, but I swear, you like, live it up while you're

young.

I mean, you're not going to be young forever.

Um, yeah, but there's only so much time we can spend with our mom, you know?

What does that mean?

Quality time.

Quality time, okay.

Exactly.

I was like, excuse me.

Yeah, I miss it, you know?

You miss it?

Yeah.

Oh, that's so sweet.

You would make us breakfast in the morning, you would take us to the park, we would go

To the movies. Yeah, I remember Friday movie night always such a great memory. Movie nights were the best.

I mean, maybe I am a little lonely in the south. If you guys are gonna stay here,

I'll just make it the best spring break ever. Yeah. Are you guys okay with that? Yeah. Okay.

Well, I mean you guys can go up to your rooms. They're just how you left them.

I'm sure you need a shower after your flight and whatever you want to do and maybe I'll bake cookies or something.

Hmm. I do miss your cookies. Yeah, cookies.

Jeez, that sounds like a great idea.

Yeah, absolutely.

It's whatever you guys want to do.

Free range of the house.

Yeah?

Yeah.

You're so nice, mom.

Thank you.

I love when we have free range.

Yeah.

You're my voice.

Anything you want, anything I can do for you.

And you're the best mom ever.

Of course I am.

And you're sweet for saying it.

You always know how to give us a helping hand.

Anything you need, honey.

Just let me know.

Okay.

You're always there to count on.

Yeah. I mean I wish you guys would have let me know. I would have gone to the grocery store earlier.

All I had to do today was make cookies.

Maybe I should run to the grocery store and get some other things so I can make you guys a nice dinner later as well.

Yeah, I mean I can go ahead and make cookies. Your bedrooms are just how you left them.

I've only just been festing and, you know, the normal stuff.

So like go and do that and take a shower. I'm sure your flight was long.

And I'll start throwing those cookies.

Okay, we'll go do that sounds good. All right. See you soon. Mom. Absolutely babies

Love you

They don't care if it's perfect just a mom's cookies boys, are you done with your shower?

Yeah, the cookies just came out of the oven

They're still warm, don't touch them.

They smell so good.

Smells like childhood.

Well, I've been making the same recipe for years.

No!

Get them!

Yeah, why?

They're not done yet!

Boys, back in the house.

You know better.

Bring your manners home with you.

We have plenty of manners.

Come on.

Well, I'm sure you do.

You can't touch the hot cookies.

Yeah.

Yeah, of course. We'll wait.

Mm-hmm, you better wait.

Maybe you want everything to be just right.

I've gotten so bad at frosting cookies in my old age.

Stupid.

Let me just get this off.

Cookies look really good, Mom.

Aww, thanks, baby.

Of course.

I need that hand.

Thank you.

I'm just making a mess of all this frosting.

I don't think I whipped it right.

I need this.

Just put my hair in a ponytail.

Oh, that's better.

So, are you boys doing well in your studies?

Yeah, I'm learning a lot. I really like my professors too.

I'm glad. I'm glad we could pay for it. We don't want any of those student loans.

Maybe we should keep it that way.

Alright. Yeah.

You getting along with everyone?

Yeah.

Are you making trouble? It's okay, you can tell me if you're making trouble.

I've always gone on a first date already, but, you know, younger girls are not like...

Do you want me to set this over here?

Oh, okay.

Okay.

Older, experienced girls...

Older experienced? You prefer the older ones?

Oh, yeah.

You know, I never told your dad this, but...

I was always really into my professors.

That's why you're cooking the best cookies ever.

Yeah because we're going to keep paying that tuition.

Maybe it's because you're just starving. You need more sleep. You can't study because you gotta go find food.

Yeah, I'll make it worth it.

Oh, yeah.

Well, they told us about these privacy laws and you're technically not allowed to know what my grades are now that I'm in college.

So I'm taking advantage of that.

Uh-huh. Is that why I haven't been getting your mail?

I assumed you got a P.O. box.

Yep.

You know, you should be smarter like your brother and not get them sent here.

Oh, yeah, probably not. I'll take your advice.

Yeah, your dad worries. I'm sure you boys are doing just fine.

Yeah, but now he's always out of town.

Yeah, I know. But, you know, I found hobbies and stuff.

Yeah? Like what?

Uh, I'm sort of going to a Pilates class, yoga, walks at the park, hiking.

but you know hiking in Nevada is just like oh there's a red rock oh there's

another one and then that's Nevada so yeah there's just like a lot of rocks

not a lot of anything else you know and then like you step on stuff yeah but I

have a great mom like you at least out here it's just a bunch of red rocks

there's really nothing to do yeah I mean there's a bunch of red rocks but there's

Other types of rocks?

Like what? I haven't seen any.

I don't know. There's just other stuff that's hard.

But, um, anyways, um...

My teacher told me it's Nevada, not Nevada.

Listen here, young man. Where I come from, we say Nevada.

Really?

Yes.

Hmm.

But the locals?

You know damn well I'm not local.

You can hear it in that accent.

So, how are you enjoying the new home?

Yeah?

Yeah, the home is really nice, I'm really starting to like it.

And no, I haven't been here in a while, but it feels like home.

And honestly, the other home didn't feel like home too much, but it feels a lot better how

I feel like we've gotten closer.

It feels like we've really crossed a bridge, you know?

A little boundary or something.

Yeah.

I can't wait to eat these cookies.

Me too.

I'm super excited.

Too bad Dad's missing out.

He always misses out.

But at least we're here to take care of you.

Yeah, we take care of you good, Mom.

Are you excited for the cookies, Ryan?

I'm so excited.

Um, I'm kind of tired up here on the counter. I'm going to get down, Mom.

Okay.

My legs are killing me.

You're not going to be able to smell the cookies from back there.

It's okay, I have a pretty good smell.

Yeah?

Yeah.

The cookies are almost done.

I wish I could get some.

What's okay? I can have a snack for now.

A little snack.

Whatever you boys want. Anything I can do.

I'm the best mom ever.

Aww. That's what every mom wants to hear.

Yeah.

Mmhmm.

Got lucky with some pretty nice boys, though.

Aww, I certainly did. You're doing it with good intention.

Exactly.

Boys will be boys.

That's right, I just wish more moms would understand that.

Yeah, you gotta expect a little bit.

Feels like where I'm supposed to be, you know?

Yeah, I'm just so sad that you're missing out on all the spring break beach parties.

You could be in Cancun right now, instead you're in Nevada.

Well, but being down here, it's like, feels like it's where I came from.

Who needs young drunk college girls when you've got an awesome mom that can make you cookies?

That's what every mom secretly wants to hear.

Exactly.

I'm so ready for these cookies.

Mm-hmm.

Mm-hmm.

Mm-hmm.

Mm-hmm.

Mm-hmm.

Mm-hmm.

Mm-hmm.

Mm-hmm.

Mm-hmm.

Mm-hmm.

Mm-hmm.

Mm-hmm.

Mm-hmm.

Mm-hmm.

Mm-hmm.

Mm-hmm.

Mm-hmm.

Mm-hmm.

Mm-hmm.

That was delicious! But you know what's better? You guys can have milk and cookies. Milk too? Milk too of course!

Can't have cookies without milk.

Try one! Don't grab it. Grab one. Wear your manners.

You boys eat up. I'm gonna get ready for movie night like we used to do.

Delicious. They're the best.

Anything you guys need, just let me know.

Of course not.

Oh my god, have you guys seen this movie? I just put it on.

Like, best movie of the year, hands down.

I'm excited. No, I haven't seen it yet.

It's so, so, so good. All the red hats.

Really?

Mhmm.

And they're like, just telling everyone to look at the ground.

I guess I'll have to watch more movies like this.

Yeah, you should.

It's so funny.

But they never, they're really ambiguous about, like, who's who, but then they put on everyone's

red hats, so you know.

Right.

Let's put those on the table so we don't have, you know.

You guys should really watch this movie.

It's really good.

Yeah.

Yeah.

It's pretty good.

Yeah, we should definitely watch this.

Absolutely.

It's so interesting.

It is!

And look who plays the president.

Like, she's so good at it.

Whoa

I've seen some of her movies before. Yeah, it's a whole star-studded cat. It gets super crazy

And like the news anchors on it, uh-huh. Yeah, like wasn't she and the

Superhero movie as like the bad sister

Yeah, yeah, I think she won like best supporting role like a couple years ago. Oh my god

She was so hot in that too. Like with the like black latex

And now she's like this news anchor on this?

Mm-hmm.

I don't know why I disagree.

Well, maybe when I was your guy's age I would.

Don't tell your father.

Yeah, he's really missing out.

That's what I said earlier, don't tell your father about when I was in college.

That you were talking about older women. I was all about the professors.

I said that in the kitchen.

Um, I just...

I don't want to say anything.

I don't want to say anything.

You either.

No.

Mm-hmm.

I know you don't want to think that.

No way.

You're the one that still gets his grades in the mailbox.

You're not that bad.

Oh, yeah.

It's always comfortable in here.

Oh, scoot.

We should get a bigger TV in here.

Ooh, watch this printing, it's really fun.

Huh?

Yeah!

They're all flying shovels.

Oh my god, yeah, everyone's just flying shovels.

Like, where do they think that shovel's gonna go?

Maybe you should use the handle, lady.

I doubt it.

And later they have them on this new show- oh no, I don't want to give spoilers.

Yeah, don't worry, we're in the movie.

No, I don't want to ruin the movie for you guys.

It's just like old times.

You said you haven't watched it before, or you have?

I mean...

Okay, I'm in this big house by myself, leave me alone.

I have watched the movie, but you guys should watch it.

Best movie of 2020, whatever this year is.

Come on mom, no spoilers.

We've all lost track.

Yeah, this is the best way to watch movies.

With our mom.

Definitely.

She's the best.

She really is.

Can we watch another movie after this?

Always take care of us.

I'll hold your hair for you.

Like a good boy.

That popcorn was pretty good too. It was really good.

You want some?

Nah, I'm okay for now.

I miss having these movie nights.

You're a growing boy. I need some popcorn.

I like the writing in this movie. It's very natural dialogue.

I love the redhead in this movie.

Yeah, she's cute.

Ah, she's really cute.

Those bangs.

Don't tell your father I said that either.

Why not?

I don't think he knows I like girls.

What?

I mean, I didn't ever say that, but cute bangs.

You and dad haven't had a threesome?

I know your dad, he's such a fuckin' nerd.

That's where I get it from.

Definitely.

Do you think we'll make more cookies while we're here, Mom?

If you want cookies, I'll absolutely make you cookies, baby.

Yeah?

That's a great idea.

Yeah. Maybe not strawberry again.

Yeah.

I'll do chocolate.

Oh, chocolate chip?

Mmm, yeah.

Yes?

Maybe I'll make him oatmeal, I'll trick you.

Or like cream-filled?

Oh!

Yeah, I can make you a cream...

Aw, I can make you a Bavarian dessert.

Not the old ones.

I would never.

Those things are good.

I would never do that to you.

No, they're not.

They're delicious.

The Girl Scouts always sell them, and I throw that shit away.

You think they're chocolate chip, and they're not.

And you bite into them, and you're immediately disappointed.

My favorite are the Samoans.

Mmm.

Yeah, you put them in the freezer.

Mm-hmm.

But you know what? Enough about that.

Mom makes the best cookies, doesn't she?

Hell yeah, she does.

Yeah.

Aw, you boys are so sweet.

You take care of this.

This movie just keeps getting better and better.

All the transitions. Love it.

Like a good movie with the family. Yeah, I like how it started out like real slow and the action keeps on

Happening more and more. Gotta have a good build up. Mm-hmm. It's all about the climax. That's exactly what she's doing

She's trying to fight like show her findings

That's my favorite part the climax. Mm-hmm

It's just like an explosion in their face at the end

I know I love that I love this work the cinematic framing mm-hmm I didn't know

you were into production yeah you're a smart boy

maybe I'll overlook your bad grades yeah I like the brunette mm-hmm

she's cute I wonder if there's gonna be a second one I don't know I mean

with the ending.

Oh boy, I'm worried now.

Because you said you've seen it already, didn't you?

Yeah, are we about to see a clipping?

I wish there was an end credits scene.

I hope so, at least.

There might be.

Those are the best.

Those are my favorite.

That's why you don't leave the movie theater.

Exactly, can't wait.

I have a feeling I'm never going to leave mom's house though.

I think you're right.

You know mommy knows best.

Well sometimes.

I just do my best for you boys.

Yeah, we could just like take online classes.

No, you need to go out there and meet people and do stuff.

I don't know.

You don't want to be mommy boys your whole life, do you?

I wouldn't mind that.

Oh.

That's so sweet.

But you can help us with our homework.

Yeah, you used to.

I know, I master's degrees and now I bake cookies.

Mmm, this part's really good. Pay attention.

It's a really good one?

Mmm, this part's really good, yeah.

Nice.

You like this part too?

I'm home, I'm mom.

Hmm.

When did they finally do his hair and make-up?

His hair looks really...

I'm home.

This does not seem anything like the trailers.

I'm home.

Yeah, I don't remember this scene.

Don't you hate when they show a trailer and then they don't actually have that part in the movie?

I'm home.

So stupid.

I'm home.

What? No, keep it down, I'm trying to watch this.

Oh my god, the score on this movie is insane. Do you hear that track?

Yeah, it's really good.

I heard that one, so just shut up so you can focus on the movie. You man-horse!

Sorry, mom.

I taught you better than that.

I wonder if that's foreshadowing something.

You can tell. Something big's about to happen.

You see that, Mom?

This movie's crazy.

I told you.

You told me right.

Nothing like a movie night with Mom.

High five, man.

I love movie nights.

Me too, babe.

Dad is really missing out.

Such a good movie.

Too bad he couldn't be here.

He's always gone.

Right?

But it's like we're the men of the house now, you know?

Yeah.

Feels good.

Uh huh.

To be the men of the house.

Of course, babies.

I'm always taking care of your mommy.

Yeah.

Yeah, we take care of you real good.

That seems really good.

Super interesting.

Feels like a good part's coming up.

This was a great idea, bro.

Right? Wasn't it?

You have to pay attention to this part, it's just like the whole background for it, it's

like the whole end of the movie.

Pay attention.

Yeah, you should.

Yeah, yeah, I'm paying attention.

Yeah, pay attention.

You know, we should spend more time together, Mom.

Aww.

Aww.

It's really good.

Mm-hmm.

I told you, baby.

Yeah, it is good.

I told you.

Mm.

Are you sure you don't want more popcorn?

Yeah, I'm sure.

I think, I don't think I need a snack right now.

Mm-mm.

I feel like a good part's about to come on, so.

Mm.

I don't want to make you guys pause it.

Oh, that's good.

Still consider it, baby.

This is a boring movie.

Mm.

Yeah, it is.

Well, you have to watch this thing all the time.

I love you boys.

That's such a good movie.

Yeah.

I mean, his mother's talking to the president.

She doesn't care.

I'm surprised I haven't seen this yet.

Yeah, I'm really surprised I haven't seen this movie before.

Yeah, me too.

I'm going to be doing a video on this.

Yeah, that girl is really pretty.

You wear two of them.

Yeah, this part right here?

Yeah.

Things are getting good now.

One of these days you're going to have to actually go to a wedding.

We should go to the movie theater.

What do you think?

Hold on, let me take my dick out.

I know, we should.

Is there anything I can do for you?

You're the sweetest mom I've ever had.

Aw, thank God.

I can't wait to eat my cookies.

You were right, this is a good movie.

It's pretty good isn't it?

It's not too bad.

It's awesome.

I think the redhead is the best actress.

Oh yeah.

Mom, is it okay that my balls are slapping your cheek?

Awesome.

Oh, yeah.

Oh, yeah.

Now you want to switch around?

Yeah.

Let me get in there.

Hey, just be sure to pay attention to this part.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I can see you before the end of the movie.

We're paying attention.

Oh yeah, the movie, it's a really good part, I feel like it's about to get to the climax.

Thanks again for inviting us to watch this movie, man.

Still think the best part of today was the cookie, I mean cookies, yeah, the cookies were

pretty good.

We'll have to watch this movie again sometime, yeah, that's what I'm talking about.

Oh my god, it's getting to the really good part.

Yes, man.

Who's behind that door?

Oh shit.

Mom!

Oh my god.

Oh shit, the dude's alive! He's alive!

Oh, what? Dude!

Best movie ever!

Oh my god.

I think it's getting to the climax.

Yeah.

The movie's almost over, babies.

Oh, yeah.

I'm gonna come.

You're such a good boy for mommy.

Oh, yeah.

Oh yeah.

My two good boys.

Am I coming in your glasses?

Yeah, honey.

Of course.

Oh, you're such a good boy.

Oh, fuck.

What about you, bad breeder?

Oh, I mean, you're good at something, baby.

Oh, you'd never leave mommy alone on spring break.

Movie night next Friday?

Definitely.