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Thank you, gentlemen.
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End this afternoon's lectures.
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Thank you.
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Good morning.
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Good morning.
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I'm Max Killader.
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Professor Max Killader?
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That is quite right.
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If you'll just wait a moment, Professor, I'll
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tell the assistant manager that you're here.
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Thank you.
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Do you mind filling out one of these
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for me, please?
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Not at all.
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Oh, Mr Cranley?
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Yes, it's Bates here.
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Yes, Professor Max Killader has arrived.
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Yes, sir, I'll do that right away, sir.
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The assistant manager will be with you in
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one moment, sir.
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Very good.
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Are they tarts?
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I'm sorry?
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The girls, are they tarts?
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Oh, I believe the students, Professor, are here
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for the conference.
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Yes, yes, of course.
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Many of them are here for my lectures.
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This is a holiday resort.
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Surely some of them are lobby girls?
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Ah, well, I...
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Can I help?
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I hope so, sir, because the professor here
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has a query.
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Well, that's what we're here to answer.
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Professor Killader?
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That's right.
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I'm Jasper Cranley, the assistant manager of the
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Greenleaf.
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How do you do?
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How do you do?
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Now, how can I help you, sir?
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Well, I simply ask if some of these
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girls here were hookers.
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Hookers?
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Yes.
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What a suggestion.
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Why, Professor Killader, the Greenleaf is just about
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the most discriminating hotel on the island.
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These girls are graduate students, most of them.
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I can assure you our security would allow
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nothing off colour in the lobby.
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Really?
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How depressing.
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Now then, we were expecting you yesterday, Professor.
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I was delayed in Tokyo.
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I tried to cable from Moscow airport, but
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you know how ludicrously inefficient the Russians are.
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Fifteen, please.
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Do I have a suite or a room?
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Why, Professor, all of our accommodation consists of
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studio suites, which are made up of a
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large living area, a terrace, with a jacuzzi
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equipped bathroom.
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Yes, yes, I understand.
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It's a room.
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I suppose Professor Medox of Yale has got
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the only proper suite.
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I can assure you, Professor, there is no
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favouritism at the Greenleaf.
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All of you visiting archaeologists will receive the
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same high standard of personalised service and ultra
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modern but gracious accommodation.
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Why are these called the Virgin Islands?
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I've no idea.
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Seems a trifle ominous.
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I'll have a maid bring up your whisky,
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sir.
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Are the maids available?
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This is a decent hotel, Professor.
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Really?
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I'm sorry.
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I apologise.
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I guess it's just that I'm feeling a
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little bit jumpy, sir.
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You see, my wife's returning from Boston tomorrow
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with our little girl, and I'm always kind
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of nervous when they fly, sir.
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Still, Professor, it might save embarrassment if you
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would just remember that this is a conference
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hotel.
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Curly, have this put up in the lobby,
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please.
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I'll have it attended to, sir.
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Thank you.
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So, Barnum's arrived, has he?
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Good morning, Professor Maddox.
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Morning.
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You've turned your lobby into a casino.
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Really?
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The greatest showman of archaeology does the Mortimer
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Wheeler stunt.
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People come up to him with a bit
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of pottery or such like, and he says
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what it is, what they are.
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Only he does it for money.
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He bets the customers $100 he'll get it
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right.
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Does he always win?
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No, not always.
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Merely a modest nine times out of ten.
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Just enough to make him a small fortune.
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But I think he does it mainly to
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impress the girls.
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I see.
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Is there a Mrs Colada?
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No.
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He's, shall we say, addicted to variety.
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If Max Colada sees a girl twice, he
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thinks the affair's getting stale.
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You mean he's a womaniser, a seducer.
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The Casanova de nos jours.
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You wanted to see me, Mr Cranley?
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I'm the roommate.
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Oh, yes.
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Aren't you the English girl, Ellie...
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Ellie Somerton.
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That's it, Miss Somerton.
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Are you here on a working vacation, Miss
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Somerton?
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Yes, I am.
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I need some sun.
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Going to medical school when I get back.
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Oh, really?
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I have a great respect for doctors.
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Would you please take a bottle of single
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malt whisky to room 15?
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Of course.
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And you take care now.
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Yes, Mr Cranley.
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What do you mean, take care?
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Oh, it's nothing to get upset about.
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Jeff, would you please put one in each
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room, please?
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It's just that sometimes some of our visitors,
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our gentleman visitors, they get the wrong idea
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about our girls, if you take my meaning.
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You mean they assume we're cool girls?
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Oh, no, no, no, no.
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That's putting far...
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Yes, I guess that's it.
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Oh, it's happened to me before.
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I've had some extraordinary experiences.
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Once in a hotel in Grand Rapids...
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Yes, yes, yes.
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Well, we're just running a conference centre here,
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Miss Somerton.
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We don't often encounter these types of problems.
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But the chap in 15's an exception.
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Oh, well, Professor Collada is a very distinguished
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archaeologist.
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But off the record, he's also some sort
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of a Casanova.
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Seems he's irresistible to some women.
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That's him there.
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Doesn't look irresistible to me.
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Room service.
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Come in.
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The door's not locked.
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Ah, a woman.
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Just what I need.
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Now, just a minute.
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To help me unpack.
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I'm afraid that's not possible.
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I'm only allowed to do room service.
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But I'm the original helpless male.
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Observe this scene of primal chaos.
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Yeah, it's a bit of a mess.
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Here.
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What's all that for?
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A tip, of course.
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But if you could see a way to
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lending a hand...
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Oh, all right.
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But not a word to anyone.
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Of course not.
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I'll pour us a drink.
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Oh, no, you won't.
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Very well.
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I'll pour myself a drink.
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Are you interested in archaeology?
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Yes.
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I don't know much about it.
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Going to be a doctor.
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Are you now?
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Thank you.
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You seem surprised.
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I confess I am.
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Cheers.
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Summer job.
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Going to medical school in October.
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Really?
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Yeah.
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Is that all right?
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Well, very ship-shape indeed.
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Here.
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Thank you, sir.
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You're a remarkably attractive girl.
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And you're a very accomplished flatterer.
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I am indeed.
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Perhaps we should have dinner together and compare
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notes.
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We poor skivvies aren't allowed to dine with
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the guests.
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Pity.
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How can we meet again?
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Send down for something.
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I'll have to bring it up, won't I?
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Splendid idea.
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That poster of yours in the lobby?
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Yes.
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What does it mean?
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It means that the fool and his money
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are soon parted.
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If you want to know how, be in
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the lobby at about ten this evening.
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Irish filigree brooch.
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Late 12th century.
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Almost certainly from Connemara.
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Must be part of the Templeton horde.
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Am I right?
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Happily, yes.
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Oh, well.
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Thank you.
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Thank you.
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Well, it's Chinese, I'm sure.
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Yes.
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It's a Tang shirt on glazed pottery.
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Am I right?
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I'm afraid not, Professor Gelada.
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It is prehistoric Greek.
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Greek?
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What?
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Made from Yellow River clay?
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Very well.
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I'll pay you, but as you know, I
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have the right to submit the object to
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an appropriate authority.
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And if he or she supports my judgement,
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you will then have to decide whether to
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return my money.
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But by then, whatever you decide, you will
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be an object of ridicule, Professor Dakthatidas.
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Possibly I have made an error.
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I brought several pieces.
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Let me see.
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Greek.
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Yes, of course.
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This is the Chinese and not the Greek
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shirt.
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Thank you.
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So sorry, Professor.
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So sorry, Professor.
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This is mine.
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Oh.
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Thank you.
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Very sinuous.
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Classic example.
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That's all very well, but what is it?
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It's an amulet.
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I'm an Indian.
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Mid-12th century.
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Probably from Arizona.
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Right?
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Well, I never thought you'd guess that.
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I was with my daddy when he found
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it.
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Oh, Professor Dalton of Veracruz.
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Oh, then you must be Angela Dalton.
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Do you believe it?
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That's right.
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And there goes my fun money.
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Well, a girl's fun money is a serious
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matter.
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Come here.
286
00:09:32,390 --> 00:09:35,610
Stand here beside me and we'll see if
287
00:09:35,610 --> 00:09:37,610
we can think up some consolation prize.
288
00:10:01,450 --> 00:10:06,540
Is everything all right, Miss Dalton?
289
00:10:14,840 --> 00:10:18,160
And so we should never forget when challenged
290
00:10:18,160 --> 00:10:21,500
by historians that the records may, and were
291
00:10:21,500 --> 00:10:24,720
frequently intended to, tell lies.
292
00:10:25,780 --> 00:10:31,380
But the artefacts are themselves crystallised truth.
293
00:10:31,960 --> 00:10:32,440
Very good.
294
00:10:32,440 --> 00:10:33,040
Thank you very much.
295
00:10:48,930 --> 00:10:50,270
Hi, Mrs. Cranley.
296
00:10:50,430 --> 00:10:51,490
How nice to see you.
297
00:10:51,630 --> 00:10:52,290
Hello, Jeff.
298
00:10:53,530 --> 00:10:54,990
Lizzie, what are you doing here?
299
00:10:55,090 --> 00:10:56,410
I thought I'd better come home and check
300
00:10:56,410 --> 00:10:56,890
up on you.
301
00:10:57,030 --> 00:10:57,390
What?
302
00:10:57,610 --> 00:10:58,350
I'm teasing.
303
00:10:58,490 --> 00:10:59,010
We missed you.
304
00:10:59,370 --> 00:10:59,890
Both of us.
305
00:10:59,990 --> 00:11:01,330
But you're not due back till tomorrow.
306
00:11:01,490 --> 00:11:01,750
Right.
307
00:11:01,930 --> 00:11:02,390
Off I go.
308
00:11:02,490 --> 00:11:03,570
No, no, no, no, no.
309
00:11:04,830 --> 00:11:06,670
Well, at least you'll be a happy man.
310
00:11:07,170 --> 00:11:07,870
Boy, the bag.
311
00:11:07,970 --> 00:11:08,230
Thank you.
312
00:11:08,430 --> 00:11:09,110
Let me hold it.
313
00:11:11,230 --> 00:11:13,010
Telephone call for Professor Smith.
314
00:11:13,450 --> 00:11:15,350
Professor Smith to reception, please.
315
00:11:15,590 --> 00:11:17,010
Now, Jasper, what is the matter?
316
00:11:17,950 --> 00:11:18,970
Oh, it's nothing.
317
00:11:20,050 --> 00:11:21,770
It's just so great to have you both
318
00:11:21,770 --> 00:11:22,150
back.
319
00:11:22,470 --> 00:11:23,650
I'm always afraid when you go to the
320
00:11:23,650 --> 00:11:24,710
States that you'll stay there.
321
00:11:24,950 --> 00:11:25,830
Why would I do that?
322
00:11:26,290 --> 00:11:27,510
Because I'm such a dumbo.
323
00:11:27,990 --> 00:11:30,310
You're so artistic and educated and from New
324
00:11:30,310 --> 00:11:32,290
England, and I'm from Beatrice, Nebraska.
325
00:11:32,750 --> 00:11:34,350
Jasper, you're not a dumbo.
326
00:11:34,530 --> 00:11:37,630
Maybe you're not an intellectual, but I had
327
00:11:37,630 --> 00:11:38,650
enough of those in college.
328
00:11:38,650 --> 00:11:40,970
I wasn't very impressed with their human qualities.
329
00:11:41,190 --> 00:11:43,890
You're the kindest, strongest man I ever met.
330
00:11:45,310 --> 00:11:47,530
And I wouldn't have anyone else for a
331
00:11:47,530 --> 00:11:47,790
husband.
332
00:11:48,550 --> 00:11:49,730
Now, come on.
333
00:11:50,150 --> 00:11:50,610
Let's go.
334
00:11:51,090 --> 00:11:53,430
It is time to put up the poster
335
00:11:53,430 --> 00:11:54,750
of the voodoo man.
336
00:11:54,910 --> 00:11:55,270
What?
337
00:11:57,290 --> 00:11:59,090
That's Professor Max Collada.
338
00:11:59,730 --> 00:12:01,210
You better be careful if you bump into
339
00:12:01,210 --> 00:12:01,550
him.
340
00:12:07,270 --> 00:12:09,170
I trust you'll have a dervish with me.
341
00:12:09,170 --> 00:12:11,190
The most civilised of all cocktails.
342
00:12:11,430 --> 00:12:12,270
I can't.
343
00:12:12,530 --> 00:12:14,010
That's why I ordered two, please.
344
00:12:15,330 --> 00:12:15,950
Oh, all right.
345
00:12:16,250 --> 00:12:17,050
I've had a hell of a day.
346
00:12:17,150 --> 00:12:17,570
Very good.
347
00:12:17,730 --> 00:12:18,190
Sit down.
348
00:12:18,350 --> 00:12:19,130
Only for two minutes?
349
00:12:19,330 --> 00:12:19,690
Of course.
350
00:12:22,710 --> 00:12:23,790
May I know your name?
351
00:12:24,290 --> 00:12:24,510
Ellie.
352
00:12:24,870 --> 00:12:25,450
Ellie Somerton.
353
00:12:25,650 --> 00:12:26,470
Cheers, Ellie Somerton.
354
00:12:26,930 --> 00:12:27,230
Cheers.
355
00:12:29,310 --> 00:12:31,390
I say, I was very impressed.
356
00:12:31,490 --> 00:12:31,730
Really?
357
00:12:32,130 --> 00:12:32,650
What by?
358
00:12:32,750 --> 00:12:34,150
Your amazing performance.
359
00:12:34,430 --> 00:12:36,290
You know, identifying those things in the lobby.
360
00:12:36,290 --> 00:12:38,510
How can you possibly know so much?
361
00:12:38,510 --> 00:12:40,730
Well, I have a most capacious brain.
362
00:12:41,090 --> 00:12:42,430
Can any archaeologist do that?
363
00:12:42,550 --> 00:12:43,370
Certainly not.
364
00:12:43,370 --> 00:12:44,430
If they could, they would.
365
00:12:44,970 --> 00:12:47,150
I'm a television star in five countries and
366
00:12:47,150 --> 00:12:49,190
I make three times as much that way
367
00:12:49,190 --> 00:12:50,710
as I do by being a professor.
368
00:12:50,950 --> 00:12:51,850
I'm not surprised.
369
00:12:52,110 --> 00:12:53,270
You won every single time.
370
00:12:53,430 --> 00:12:54,450
I don't often lose.
371
00:12:54,630 --> 00:12:56,730
Still, you mustn't think I'm just a showman.
372
00:12:57,150 --> 00:12:59,610
I'm also the world's leading authority on the
373
00:12:59,610 --> 00:13:01,190
pre-Columbian era.
374
00:13:01,850 --> 00:13:03,930
Some of those objects were very beautiful.
375
00:13:03,930 --> 00:13:06,610
That little statue, a Truscan, was it?
376
00:13:07,550 --> 00:13:07,890
Hmm.
377
00:13:09,290 --> 00:13:10,510
That was rather delicate.
378
00:13:11,870 --> 00:13:15,570
Of course, aesthetic considerations are secondary to an
379
00:13:15,570 --> 00:13:16,290
archaeologist.
380
00:13:19,830 --> 00:13:20,230
Wait.
381
00:13:25,270 --> 00:13:28,390
I have something here that might interest you.
382
00:13:30,170 --> 00:13:31,670
It's lovely.
383
00:13:32,170 --> 00:13:32,930
What is it?
384
00:13:32,930 --> 00:13:34,310
Oh, it's unique.
385
00:13:34,590 --> 00:13:37,150
I found that figurine myself in Central America.
386
00:13:37,810 --> 00:13:40,030
It has certain Mayan features but is not
387
00:13:40,030 --> 00:13:42,730
closely related to any known Mayan artefact.
388
00:13:43,290 --> 00:13:46,710
So, it might represent a lost civilisation.
389
00:13:46,970 --> 00:13:47,330
Really?
390
00:13:47,650 --> 00:13:48,630
I see.
391
00:13:48,630 --> 00:13:50,710
It's a little awe-inspiring, isn't it?
392
00:13:50,870 --> 00:13:53,830
Well, I'd like you to have it.
393
00:13:54,250 --> 00:13:55,070
You're joking.
394
00:13:55,250 --> 00:13:55,790
Not at all.
395
00:13:56,410 --> 00:13:58,770
Lovely things belong to those who appreciate them.
396
00:13:58,970 --> 00:14:01,430
It must be really old and valuable.
397
00:14:01,430 --> 00:14:04,070
About 900 years old.
398
00:14:04,650 --> 00:14:08,010
Its value is that it'll always remind you
399
00:14:08,010 --> 00:14:08,370
of me.
400
00:14:09,290 --> 00:14:10,050
I see.
401
00:14:10,290 --> 00:14:11,510
No, no, please, please.
402
00:14:11,510 --> 00:14:14,090
I find you tremendously attractive but the figurine
403
00:14:14,090 --> 00:14:15,870
is yours with no strings attached.
404
00:14:16,310 --> 00:14:18,690
After all, there are quite a few, how
405
00:14:18,690 --> 00:14:20,770
shall I put it, willing dames in the
406
00:14:20,770 --> 00:14:21,030
hotel.
407
00:14:21,510 --> 00:14:22,030
Yes.
408
00:14:23,110 --> 00:14:24,830
And I should warn you, Mr Crowley's noticed
409
00:14:24,830 --> 00:14:26,010
what you get up to with them.
410
00:14:26,210 --> 00:14:27,390
He's very cross about it.
411
00:14:27,390 --> 00:14:28,470
I dare say.
412
00:14:29,110 --> 00:14:31,590
Well, Puritans spend half their lives in a
413
00:14:31,590 --> 00:14:31,970
rage.
414
00:14:35,230 --> 00:14:39,190
About the figurine, I ask only one thing.
415
00:14:39,750 --> 00:14:40,350
What's that?
416
00:14:41,170 --> 00:14:42,490
Don't ever sell it.
417
00:14:43,010 --> 00:14:45,450
I'm bestowing upon you an object of beauty,
418
00:14:46,150 --> 00:14:47,470
not an investment.
419
00:14:48,590 --> 00:14:49,350
Do you promise?
420
00:14:50,090 --> 00:14:51,410
Yes, of course.
421
00:14:51,750 --> 00:14:52,310
Thank you.
422
00:14:59,760 --> 00:15:00,380
Um...
423
00:15:00,380 --> 00:15:02,140
It's a wonderful present.
424
00:15:02,900 --> 00:15:03,320
Sure.
425
00:15:11,940 --> 00:15:12,560
Sure.
426
00:15:15,340 --> 00:15:17,260
Oh, Mrs Cranley, going for a walk?
427
00:15:17,400 --> 00:15:17,620
Yes.
428
00:15:17,620 --> 00:15:18,420
Mrs Cranley.
429
00:15:20,340 --> 00:15:21,960
Mrs Cranley, hello.
430
00:15:22,460 --> 00:15:22,720
Hello.
431
00:15:23,240 --> 00:15:24,180
I'm Max Calada.
432
00:15:24,600 --> 00:15:25,160
I know.
433
00:15:25,660 --> 00:15:27,960
Your husband has been awaiting your return with
434
00:15:27,960 --> 00:15:30,480
scarcely concealed desire, and I'll see why.
435
00:15:30,760 --> 00:15:31,200
Yes.
436
00:15:31,660 --> 00:15:33,720
Well, we just got back from the States
437
00:15:33,720 --> 00:15:34,500
and it was wonderful.
438
00:15:35,220 --> 00:15:35,480
Yeah.
439
00:15:36,740 --> 00:15:38,500
Nearly as attractive as her mother.
440
00:15:39,640 --> 00:15:42,560
Oh, it's clear that motherhood suits you.
441
00:15:42,840 --> 00:15:45,280
Some women find it to be an almost
442
00:15:45,280 --> 00:15:46,460
erotic experience.
443
00:15:46,580 --> 00:15:47,680
Is that how it strikes you?
444
00:15:48,200 --> 00:15:49,100
Well, I...
445
00:15:49,100 --> 00:15:49,960
I don't really know.
446
00:15:49,960 --> 00:15:51,920
I would imagine you were a woman with
447
00:15:51,920 --> 00:15:53,860
strong erotic feelings.
448
00:15:53,860 --> 00:15:58,000
I've noticed that physical beauty and voluptuous nature
449
00:15:58,400 --> 00:15:59,720
often go together.
450
00:16:01,440 --> 00:16:02,900
I have to walk her now.
451
00:16:03,020 --> 00:16:03,720
Of course.
452
00:16:04,020 --> 00:16:06,680
I trust we'll have an opportunity to probe
453
00:16:06,680 --> 00:16:08,760
these mysteries further sometime.
454
00:16:09,180 --> 00:16:09,880
I doubt it.
455
00:16:09,880 --> 00:16:10,220
Goodbye.
456
00:16:10,400 --> 00:16:10,700
Please.
457
00:16:15,700 --> 00:16:16,340
Cranley!
458
00:16:16,940 --> 00:16:19,320
I'd like to order a bottle of champagne.
459
00:16:19,580 --> 00:16:20,300
What for, Professor?
460
00:16:20,300 --> 00:16:22,400
To celebrate your wife's return, I just made
461
00:16:22,400 --> 00:16:24,620
her acquaintance, and I'd be delighted if you'd
462
00:16:24,620 --> 00:16:26,240
both join me at the cocktail hour.
463
00:16:26,460 --> 00:16:27,980
I'm sorry to have to say this, Professor,
464
00:16:27,980 --> 00:16:29,460
but I do not feel happy for my
465
00:16:29,460 --> 00:16:30,540
wife to be in your presence.
466
00:16:30,660 --> 00:16:30,840
What?
467
00:16:31,240 --> 00:16:32,720
I have explained to her how I feel,
468
00:16:32,720 --> 00:16:33,740
and she understands.
469
00:16:34,540 --> 00:16:39,680
Cranley, I have no design on your wife.
470
00:16:40,140 --> 00:16:40,720
Why not?
471
00:16:41,140 --> 00:16:41,960
She's female.
472
00:16:42,920 --> 00:16:44,800
Professor Collada, I have a great respect for
473
00:16:44,800 --> 00:16:45,260
your learning.
474
00:16:45,480 --> 00:16:46,860
And I have to tell you that my
475
00:16:46,860 --> 00:16:48,340
wife has an interest in archaeology.
476
00:16:48,440 --> 00:16:51,220
As a student, she went on some digs.
477
00:16:51,580 --> 00:16:53,360
But after some of the things I've seen,
478
00:16:53,520 --> 00:16:53,800
sir...
479
00:16:53,800 --> 00:16:55,620
What exactly have you seen, Cranley?
480
00:16:57,100 --> 00:16:58,380
Just one example, sir.
481
00:16:59,180 --> 00:17:01,220
Yesterday afternoon, as I happened to be inspecting
482
00:17:01,220 --> 00:17:03,780
the air conditioner in room 16, through the
483
00:17:03,780 --> 00:17:06,260
open door, I saw Professor Roday's wife leave
484
00:17:06,260 --> 00:17:06,680
your room.
485
00:17:06,839 --> 00:17:07,980
Now I know that she's French.
486
00:17:07,980 --> 00:17:10,920
So, as it happens, Professor Roday has a
487
00:17:10,920 --> 00:17:13,119
bad heart and can't make love.
488
00:17:13,400 --> 00:17:14,839
Do you expect his wife to live like
489
00:17:14,839 --> 00:17:15,240
a nun?
490
00:17:16,760 --> 00:17:18,700
She came to my room of her own
491
00:17:18,700 --> 00:17:21,920
free will, and her husband knows that she
492
00:17:21,920 --> 00:17:23,140
came for besettings.
493
00:17:23,140 --> 00:17:24,400
Too sophisticated for me, Professor.
494
00:17:24,900 --> 00:17:26,160
All I know is that if you lay
495
00:17:26,160 --> 00:17:27,740
a hand on my wife, I'll hit you
496
00:17:27,740 --> 00:17:28,280
on the jaw.
497
00:17:28,540 --> 00:17:31,560
Oh, you Puritans do love hitting people, don't
498
00:17:31,560 --> 00:17:31,780
you?
499
00:17:31,880 --> 00:17:32,100
No.
500
00:17:32,340 --> 00:17:33,660
I try to avoid violence.
501
00:17:33,800 --> 00:17:36,080
Cranley, why don't you trust your wife?
502
00:17:36,080 --> 00:17:36,800
What?
503
00:17:36,940 --> 00:17:38,120
What's that supposed to mean?
504
00:17:38,380 --> 00:17:41,100
Well, you're apparently terrified of my meeting her
505
00:17:41,100 --> 00:17:41,440
again.
506
00:17:41,680 --> 00:17:42,340
Not terrified.
507
00:17:42,640 --> 00:17:44,180
I just don't want her to have to
508
00:17:44,180 --> 00:17:46,320
repulse insulting and unwanted advances.
509
00:17:47,080 --> 00:17:49,820
Now, if you'll excuse me, Professor, I have
510
00:17:49,820 --> 00:17:50,560
to phone through an order.
511
00:17:51,260 --> 00:17:51,740
Certainly.
512
00:17:52,520 --> 00:17:54,160
Uh, what do you have to order?
513
00:17:54,520 --> 00:17:55,520
A horse whip?
514
00:18:00,540 --> 00:18:01,260
Come in.
515
00:18:01,260 --> 00:18:02,280
The door is not locked.
516
00:18:03,340 --> 00:18:04,420
Where shall I put it?
517
00:18:04,420 --> 00:18:05,920
On the table, please.
518
00:18:07,940 --> 00:18:08,760
Where's the sandwich?
519
00:18:09,300 --> 00:18:09,940
What sandwich?
520
00:18:10,320 --> 00:18:12,000
I ordered a smoked salmon sandwich.
521
00:18:12,320 --> 00:18:13,100
I wasn't told.
522
00:18:13,100 --> 00:18:13,820
I'll go and get you one.
523
00:18:13,940 --> 00:18:14,480
No, no, no.
524
00:18:14,480 --> 00:18:15,160
It's not important.
525
00:18:15,280 --> 00:18:15,940
I'll tell you what.
526
00:18:16,240 --> 00:18:18,000
In the wardrobe, on the shelf, there's a
527
00:18:18,000 --> 00:18:19,160
packet of chocolate chip cookies.
528
00:18:19,260 --> 00:18:20,340
Get them down from you, please.
529
00:18:24,560 --> 00:18:25,360
What happened?
530
00:18:34,110 --> 00:18:34,970
Oh, dear.
531
00:18:35,250 --> 00:18:35,890
Oh, dear.
532
00:18:36,070 --> 00:18:36,550
Oh, dear.
533
00:18:36,550 --> 00:18:39,850
You told me my statuette was unique.
534
00:18:39,990 --> 00:18:40,350
I know.
535
00:18:41,190 --> 00:18:42,210
It was a lie.
536
00:18:42,830 --> 00:18:44,630
You mean it was all nonsense, about the
537
00:18:44,630 --> 00:18:45,730
Mayan features and...
538
00:18:45,730 --> 00:18:45,970
No, no.
539
00:18:46,090 --> 00:18:47,130
That was quite accurate.
540
00:18:47,310 --> 00:18:49,030
It has certain Mayan attributes.
541
00:18:49,350 --> 00:18:52,270
I can swear to that because I designed
542
00:18:52,270 --> 00:18:52,950
it myself.
543
00:18:54,170 --> 00:18:56,430
You said it was 900 years old.
544
00:18:56,590 --> 00:18:57,670
Slight exaggeration.
545
00:18:58,210 --> 00:19:00,750
It's actually nine years old, made for me
546
00:19:00,750 --> 00:19:02,670
by an old Peruvian friend who lives in
547
00:19:02,670 --> 00:19:03,210
the Andes.
548
00:19:03,210 --> 00:19:04,710
Very skilful carver.
549
00:19:05,710 --> 00:19:09,730
These four are the last of an original
550
00:19:09,730 --> 00:19:11,300
batch of 100.
551
00:19:12,430 --> 00:19:13,050
100?
552
00:19:13,610 --> 00:19:15,150
What on earth do you want with 100?
553
00:19:15,450 --> 00:19:18,110
Well, since you and I seem destined to
554
00:19:18,110 --> 00:19:21,610
have only a platonic relationship, I might as
555
00:19:21,610 --> 00:19:22,390
well come clean.
556
00:19:23,450 --> 00:19:24,970
I give them to girls.
557
00:19:25,290 --> 00:19:26,670
Yes, I'd got that far.
558
00:19:26,870 --> 00:19:28,370
Not to all girls, mind you.
559
00:19:28,590 --> 00:19:29,670
Only special ones.
560
00:19:29,670 --> 00:19:33,590
Only the ones I might have married if
561
00:19:33,590 --> 00:19:34,810
I were the marrying type.
562
00:19:35,130 --> 00:19:36,930
Do you give them to the girls before
563
00:19:36,930 --> 00:19:39,070
or after you've worked your wicked will on
564
00:19:39,070 --> 00:19:39,310
them?
565
00:19:39,810 --> 00:19:40,850
Always after.
566
00:19:41,010 --> 00:19:41,850
Of course after.
567
00:19:42,050 --> 00:19:45,650
It's a keepsake, a parting gift, a memento,
568
00:19:46,110 --> 00:19:49,630
a pledge that perhaps I don't know where,
569
00:19:49,630 --> 00:19:53,490
I don't know when, we might meet and
570
00:19:53,490 --> 00:19:54,210
do it again.
571
00:19:54,650 --> 00:19:57,410
That's very moving, but you gave me mine
572
00:19:57,410 --> 00:19:57,830
before.
573
00:19:57,830 --> 00:19:58,650
I know.
574
00:19:59,130 --> 00:20:02,130
Sheer waste, especially when stocks are getting so
575
00:20:02,130 --> 00:20:02,450
low.
576
00:20:02,830 --> 00:20:06,370
But I felt, you know, that it might...
577
00:20:06,370 --> 00:20:07,170
Soften me up?
578
00:20:07,330 --> 00:20:08,270
Put bluntly, yes.
579
00:20:08,270 --> 00:20:10,130
You are a despicable rogue.
580
00:20:10,450 --> 00:20:11,630
Suppose I am, really.
581
00:20:12,150 --> 00:20:13,590
But an ingenious one.
582
00:20:14,370 --> 00:20:17,050
And statuettes may be fakes, but they are
583
00:20:17,050 --> 00:20:17,530
attractive.
584
00:20:18,070 --> 00:20:19,170
A bit like me, perhaps?
585
00:20:19,350 --> 00:20:20,830
Not in the least like you.
586
00:20:21,030 --> 00:20:21,470
A little bit.
587
00:20:22,630 --> 00:20:24,670
Well, perhaps a tiny bit.
588
00:20:26,270 --> 00:20:29,330
Ellie, you are rubbishing when you laugh.
589
00:20:29,330 --> 00:20:30,530
No, don't start that.
590
00:20:31,090 --> 00:20:32,430
I know you're just a con man.
591
00:20:32,950 --> 00:20:37,810
You can't possibly think I'd succumb knowing what
592
00:20:37,810 --> 00:20:38,310
I do.
593
00:20:44,450 --> 00:20:46,350
Apologise and tell her that I'm attending to
594
00:20:46,350 --> 00:20:47,050
it myself.
595
00:20:47,310 --> 00:20:48,070
Yes, thank you.
596
00:20:49,250 --> 00:20:51,450
Jeff, number 19's just been on to me
597
00:20:51,450 --> 00:20:52,510
about her rose hip tea.
598
00:20:52,650 --> 00:20:54,130
Says she's been waiting nearly half an hour.
599
00:20:54,610 --> 00:20:54,930
19.
600
00:20:55,550 --> 00:20:56,670
That would be Ellie's number.
601
00:20:57,070 --> 00:20:58,610
She seems to have got stuck somewhere.
602
00:20:58,770 --> 00:20:59,090
Stuck?
603
00:20:59,330 --> 00:21:01,010
Yeah, she took some teeth in number 15.
604
00:21:01,230 --> 00:21:01,550
15?
605
00:21:02,890 --> 00:21:04,410
I know just who it would be.
606
00:21:04,510 --> 00:21:05,330
Leave it with me, Jeff.
607
00:21:05,910 --> 00:21:06,850
Yeah, but if I could get hold of
608
00:21:06,850 --> 00:21:08,130
another girl...
609
00:21:13,950 --> 00:21:14,270
Yes?
610
00:21:16,670 --> 00:21:18,770
Professor, it's Jasper Cranley, the assistant manager of
611
00:21:18,770 --> 00:21:19,030
the hotel.
612
00:21:19,150 --> 00:21:20,330
I'd like a word with you, please, sir.
613
00:21:20,690 --> 00:21:22,070
Oh, not him.
614
00:21:22,190 --> 00:21:23,190
Not him.
615
00:21:23,350 --> 00:21:24,190
Not him.
616
00:21:24,190 --> 00:21:25,390
What is it about?
617
00:21:26,130 --> 00:21:27,430
I have reason to believe that you have
618
00:21:27,430 --> 00:21:28,850
Ellie Somerton with you, sir.
619
00:21:29,110 --> 00:21:29,430
Really?
620
00:21:31,510 --> 00:21:32,150
What reason?
621
00:21:32,630 --> 00:21:33,790
Don't play games with me, professor.
622
00:21:33,950 --> 00:21:34,610
No, it doesn't matter.
623
00:21:35,570 --> 00:21:36,930
You're right, Mr Cranley.
624
00:21:37,770 --> 00:21:38,710
I am here.
625
00:21:39,150 --> 00:21:41,090
This is very sad, Miss Somerton, especially after
626
00:21:41,090 --> 00:21:41,610
my warning.
627
00:21:41,990 --> 00:21:43,030
If you felt you were in any danger,
628
00:21:43,130 --> 00:21:44,210
all you had to do was come to
629
00:21:44,210 --> 00:21:44,310
me.
630
00:21:44,310 --> 00:21:45,570
Don't be silly, Mr Cranley.
631
00:21:45,570 --> 00:21:46,650
I'm not in any danger.
632
00:21:46,970 --> 00:21:48,150
And as for you, professor, I shall have
633
00:21:48,150 --> 00:21:49,470
to report you to your superiors.
634
00:21:50,170 --> 00:21:52,330
I have no superiors, and I'm breaking no
635
00:21:52,330 --> 00:21:52,710
laws.
636
00:21:52,710 --> 00:21:54,170
So if that's all you have to say,
637
00:21:54,290 --> 00:21:55,090
kindly leave us alone.
638
00:21:55,230 --> 00:21:56,690
You may not be breaking any law, professor,
639
00:21:56,690 --> 00:21:58,150
but you're sure as hell busting our house
640
00:21:58,150 --> 00:21:58,870
rules wider.
641
00:21:59,150 --> 00:22:00,550
So I'd like you to check out by
642
00:22:00,550 --> 00:22:01,090
noon tomorrow.
643
00:22:01,230 --> 00:22:02,850
But that's not fair, Professor Collard.
644
00:22:02,850 --> 00:22:03,670
That's enough out of you.
645
00:22:03,670 --> 00:22:04,290
You're fired.
646
00:22:04,470 --> 00:22:05,930
I'm entitled to a week's pay in lieu
647
00:22:05,930 --> 00:22:06,350
of notice.
648
00:22:06,350 --> 00:22:07,050
Oh, you'll get it.
649
00:22:07,270 --> 00:22:07,910
You'll get it.
650
00:22:08,270 --> 00:22:09,010
You think that's funny?
651
00:22:09,230 --> 00:22:10,030
You think that's funny?
652
00:22:10,030 --> 00:22:10,770
Then try this.
653
00:22:11,170 --> 00:22:12,470
You'll get out of my hotel by midnight.
654
00:22:16,070 --> 00:22:17,890
What an extraordinary fellow.
655
00:22:18,590 --> 00:22:19,950
He is worse than the Russians.
656
00:22:19,950 --> 00:22:22,830
They at least send you a girl, even
657
00:22:22,830 --> 00:22:24,790
if they try to blackmail you afterwards.
658
00:22:24,890 --> 00:22:26,450
Oh, Cranley's so stuffy.
659
00:22:26,450 --> 00:22:26,950
Of course.
660
00:22:27,950 --> 00:22:30,510
Well, cheers.
661
00:22:30,930 --> 00:22:31,350
Cheers.
662
00:22:35,210 --> 00:22:35,670
Mmm.
663
00:22:37,030 --> 00:22:38,170
You've been fired.
664
00:22:39,590 --> 00:22:42,650
Well, you'll have to accept something now.
665
00:22:42,890 --> 00:22:44,330
Oh, no, honestly, I'm all right.
666
00:22:44,570 --> 00:22:45,550
But I promise you this.
667
00:22:46,110 --> 00:22:49,290
No matter how great my need, I'll never
668
00:22:49,290 --> 00:22:51,630
sell my unique mind study.
669
00:23:03,990 --> 00:23:08,730
First century A.D. Roman-Egyptian, but not
670
00:23:08,730 --> 00:23:10,710
a particularly distinguished example.
671
00:23:11,350 --> 00:23:11,930
Am I right?
672
00:23:12,610 --> 00:23:12,990
Yes.
673
00:23:14,070 --> 00:23:14,990
Thank you.
674
00:23:16,050 --> 00:23:16,770
Thank you.
675
00:23:17,570 --> 00:23:19,870
All right, Mr. Knowall, how about this little
676
00:23:19,870 --> 00:23:20,130
novel?
677
00:23:21,570 --> 00:23:22,990
Where did you get this?
678
00:23:23,510 --> 00:23:24,630
Is this from...
679
00:23:24,630 --> 00:23:25,910
Never mind where I got it.
680
00:23:25,910 --> 00:23:27,010
Do you know what it is?
681
00:23:27,210 --> 00:23:28,870
I know exactly what it is.
682
00:23:29,410 --> 00:23:30,410
It's a fake.
683
00:23:30,650 --> 00:23:31,530
Are you sure, Professor?
684
00:23:31,810 --> 00:23:33,530
I'm not only sure, I can prove it.
685
00:23:33,970 --> 00:23:34,610
Can you now?
686
00:23:35,150 --> 00:23:37,250
Well, that's very interesting to me, considering that
687
00:23:37,250 --> 00:23:39,430
my wife dug it up for herself.
688
00:23:41,010 --> 00:23:41,430
What?
689
00:23:41,810 --> 00:23:43,950
Yes, when she was a student and went
690
00:23:43,950 --> 00:23:45,270
on some archaeological digs.
691
00:23:45,570 --> 00:23:47,350
That statue has been sitting on our ankh's
692
00:23:47,350 --> 00:23:48,630
table ever since we got married.
693
00:23:48,630 --> 00:23:50,170
Would you like to up the stakes a
694
00:23:50,170 --> 00:23:51,070
little bit on this one, Professor?
695
00:23:51,190 --> 00:23:52,270
Shall we say $500?
696
00:23:53,350 --> 00:23:56,050
Did you say your wife dug this up?
697
00:23:56,410 --> 00:23:56,750
Yes.
698
00:23:57,530 --> 00:23:57,990
Come on, Lizzie.
699
00:23:58,450 --> 00:23:59,050
Don't be frightened.
700
00:23:59,610 --> 00:24:00,790
Tell this wise guy where you got this
701
00:24:00,790 --> 00:24:00,970
thing.
702
00:24:01,610 --> 00:24:02,330
Come on, darling.
703
00:24:02,590 --> 00:24:03,490
Tell him what this is.
704
00:24:04,870 --> 00:24:06,110
It's Central American.
705
00:24:06,290 --> 00:24:07,730
It shows Mayan influence.
706
00:24:07,890 --> 00:24:09,130
It's about 900 years old.
707
00:24:09,390 --> 00:24:09,770
There.
708
00:24:10,370 --> 00:24:11,930
You still think it's a fake, Professor?
709
00:24:12,570 --> 00:24:13,390
Let me see.
710
00:24:15,830 --> 00:24:19,650
Did you find it six years ago at
711
00:24:19,650 --> 00:24:20,470
Yucatan?
712
00:24:21,810 --> 00:24:22,650
Yes.
713
00:24:23,670 --> 00:24:24,450
I remember.
714
00:24:25,490 --> 00:24:28,990
That is, I remember reading about that excavation.
715
00:24:29,870 --> 00:24:32,130
Well, let me see.
716
00:24:33,410 --> 00:24:35,310
Oh, I was wrong.
717
00:24:36,430 --> 00:24:37,510
It's genuine.
718
00:24:38,630 --> 00:24:41,750
Well, win a lot, lose a few.
719
00:24:42,290 --> 00:24:43,990
Here's your $100, Grandma.
720
00:24:47,610 --> 00:24:48,850
Thank you, Professor.
721
00:24:49,370 --> 00:24:50,690
No man is infallible.
722
00:24:51,510 --> 00:24:52,310
Thank you, darling.
723
00:24:52,650 --> 00:24:53,110
Now, come along.
724
00:24:53,110 --> 00:24:53,830
We've made our point.
725
00:25:07,380 --> 00:25:09,920
Well, this is a well-preserved item.
726
00:25:10,320 --> 00:25:11,560
A belt buckle, I believe.
727
00:25:12,380 --> 00:25:13,640
Second century Roman.
46720
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