Original subtitles

Check.

An eight in two.

It would have been better to sacrifice your

Queen.

I thought you were county standard.

So did I.

It must be rather embarrassing to have been

christened George Bernard, Mr. Shaw.

Not at all.

It was perfectly logical.

I was conceived on the night my parents

saw Arms and the Man.

You no doubt think GBS was a visionary

socialist.

Well, you'd be wrong.

He was a realist, like me.

His plays expounded socialism, freedom and equality and

made him a lot of money.

He was logical, like me.

Like chess.

How did you become the best chess player

in the world?

By a perfectly logical sequence of events.

I never had much time to play.

I had become a successful provincial newspaper publisher

by the application of sound business methods.

Poor Norman.

He's just out of hospital.

I got my leader writer to attack the

horror of street violence today.

Shows you the value of sympathy, Jerry.

Norman has now agreed to stock my newspapers.

Yeah, he was a toughie.

I thought the slashed tyres would be enough.

I'm not interested in details.

Is that all?

It's what we agreed.

Yeah, but but I had to pay the

heavy a bit extra.

That's your miscalculation.

I'll tell you what.

I'll settle for that receipt.

What receipt?

For the garage business.

You'd have got five years if I hadn't

refunded the money you stole.

Yes, I know GB and I'm very grateful,

but that receipt is as good as a

confession, you see.

Of course it is.

How could I possibly employ you for these

little services if I don't have some sort

of a safeguard?

You can trust me.

It was our 10th anniversary.

Hello, Frank.

Why haven't you invited me?

You'd be sick over the table.

Funny how we've stuck together, isn't it?

And gone our separate ways.

I say, GB, do you want any fagging

done?

Not at the moment.

Drink up.

You'd better go out the back way.

Paula was excellent value for money.

I gave her a house, a horse, a

Ferrari and a clothes account.

She graced my table and shared my bed.

Although after a time, we mutually deleted sex

from the agreement.

Success depends on logic, not love or sentiment.

You wouldn't miss it.

Ten thousand for six months.

What do I get for it?

Be logical, Frank.

Your firm's finished.

You couldn't repay me.

I could.

I can sell up if I can keep

the business going.

I've cooked the books.

The auditors are in.

Come on, Frank, I'll give you something.

You will?

An excellent five-star brandy.

Frank's killed himself.

I expect that will be the verdict.

I must see there's a good obituary in

the Herald tonight.

How much did he try and borrow last

week?

Ten thousand.

That's the slightest twinge of conscience.

No.

He was lucky for a time, but he

was weak.

A gambler.

He would have killed himself eventually.

Why should he do so with my ten

thousand pounds?

You are a bastard.

So you said when you married me.

I also said you were the most thoroughly

sensible man I know.

Logical.

Logical.

I congratulated myself on my calmness, but it

was followed by a wave of anger such

as I had never known.

I remembered when I was 11, my father

told me mother had left home forever to

live with another man.

I didn't employ a private detective.

He might have inhibited my future actions.

I said nothing.

While I considered the problem logically.

Paula had broken our agreement.

She no longer gave value for money.

Divorce?

No punishment.

She might even welcome it.

Disfigurement?

I couldn't divorce a scarred woman without incurring

censure.

There was only one solution.

Fresh problem.

I would be the obvious suspect.

Fag?

Fag?

Hello, GP.

This is an honour.

Come to inspect the stock.

I'll give you a good trade in.

Fourteen thousand.

Is that reliable?

Reliable?

Of course it's reliable.

It's just been serviced.

Where can we talk?

It's a bit like the hole, say that.

No problem.

I want someone to do a proper job.

Lubrication?

Who is it?

I'll handle it.

All I want from you is a name

and a telephone number.

And on no account must you mention my

name.

Is that clear?

Yeah.

Yeah, that's clear, GP.

I'm serious.

I know.

I know you are.

It's just that it's a bit strong, isn't

it?

If you don't want to help, say so.

How much?

A hundred.

And fifty?

All right.

Just for a name?

And absolute discretion.

I haven't let you down yet.

Can't afford to, can I?

Well, I'll ask around.

Is it for me?

GP?

Just a minute, Gerry.

Is it for me?

No, I just wanted to kiss you goodbye.

You're getting sentimental in your old age.

I must be.

I must fly.

Have a good day, darling.

And you, darling.

Yes, Gerry?

Jack Middleton.

Sherford 3261.

Phone him at four o'clock on Friday

afternoon.

He'll give you another name.

Thank you, Gerry.

And GP.

Yes.

Be careful.

An irony that did not escape me was

that my behaviour was exactly that of the

illicit lover.

The concealment.

The secret phone call.

Hi?

Jack Middleton?

That's right.

Gerry Wilde gave me your number.

A friend of mine needs a job done.

What are you talking about?

Who are you?

No names.

I'll be your friend.

Don't hang up.

It's a big job.

A lot of money.

For what?

My friend wants...

Somebody hit?

Disposed of.

Fifteen grand?

Fifteen.

That's much more than my friend expected.

Please yourself.

I must consult.

The money wouldn't be payable until the job

was done, presumably.

Half now, and half when it's done.

But that would mean trusting you with seven

and a half thousand.

Who's trusting who?

I don't even know your bloody name.

I couldn't stand being in someone else's hands.

I decided to confront Paula.

Force her to give up her lover.

But that weekend, we had another glittering party.

She hadn't told me she had invited her

lover.

Peter.

Peter Simpson, my husband.

Smashing place you've got here.

Come in.

Through here, Peter.

Ah, Anna.

Forgotten I'd invited him.

He hunts.

He's a canning firm.

I believe I've come across him.

He's a bit of a bore.

I thought I'd pay him some attention.

After all, they've never advertised with you, have

they, darling?

People said it was a memorable party.

I shall never forget it.

Only my chessboard drew me back to the

path of logic.

GB?

Steve?

Who is it?

Jack Middleton suggested I call about a removal

for a friend of mine.

Well, who are you?

No names.

That's a condition.

Ah, so Jack said.

Are you going to tell me the name

of the subject, or is that a secret

too?

Paula Shaw.

The Birches.

Lee Lane.

A woman?

Does that make any difference?

I'm no gentleman.

Can it be done by car?

An accident?

You've been reading too many books.

Look, it's got to be certain.

Simple.

If I can make it look like a

robbery, OK, but don't rely on it.

When?

One week after the first instalment.

Hello?

Yes.

I want used notes, fives and ones.

Drop it by a rubbish bin on the...

No.

If you want the job done...

You can see me or check on my

car.

I'll call you at the same time tomorrow

and tell you where to pick up the

money.

Of course Jerry and the other two would

know I had ordered the killing.

Jerry dare not talk.

The other two could prove nothing.

The cash had never been through my bank.

The police would find no motive.

I knew nothing of a lover, did I?

All I had to do now was sit

back and wait.

Seven days.

The night the deadline was passed, I came

home.

Paula.

Hello.

Oh, what a day.

I've been working so hard for you.

Got you some advertising space with Peter Simpson.

What do you think of that?

I'm strong.

Strong?

You look as if you've seen a ghost.

Oh, it's just some business deal.

I'm beginning to wonder if I haven't been

swindled.

Swindled?

You?

I don't believe it.

I've been getting no reply from a number

all day.

Could you check the line, please?

The number is?

Thelsby 2660.

And your number?

2425.

Just a moment, please.

It is a call box, sir.

That's impossible.

Thelsby 2660?

Yes.

That is a call box, sir.

A call box?

Perhaps he didn't want you to know his

name, either.

He said a week.

That was nine days ago.

How much did you give him?

Two thousand.

Well, have you checked with Jack Middleton?

That's your job.

He's your contact.

Phone him.

I want an explanation, and I want it

now.

You sound like old Parson.

I want an explanation.

Do you remember how I used to imitate

old Parson?

My school turn.

Oh, I say, you wouldn't have any of

that lovely malt whisky left by?

What are you doing?

Checking.

Hello, operator.

I've been trying to dial Sherford 3261.

But there's no reply.

Yes, I'll hold.

Thank you.

I see.

Thank you.

Thank you very much.

That's a call box, too.

What's going on?

You put me in touch with Middleton.

You must know him.

Yes, of course I know him.

I know him very well.

Who's trusting who?

I don't even know your bloody name.

Yeah.

I know Steve quite well, too.

It's got to be simple.

I want to use night's fives and ones.

Here.

You took the money.

You'll return it now.

Two thousand.

Seven and a half.

Hey, you told me two.

Hey, I bet you'd have cheated Steve out

of his second half, wouldn't you, eh?

You owe me that money.

I owe you?

I've always helped you, kept you out of

prison.

Yeah, and made me sign statements you'd have

a hold over me.

Do you think I enjoyed being your fag?

I've always hated you.

She hates you, too.

But I wouldn't try and do anything about

it because I'd have something very interesting to

tell the police.

I've been waiting all my life to get

something over you.

For a change.

And that is how I found the time

to concentrate on the game.

I became champion here.

Then, every month I started sending chess problems

to the world champions.

Challenging him to solve them.

He is never able to do so.

Since he never replies.

The only logical deduction from this is that

I, George Bernard Shaw...

Time for your medication, GB.

I, George Bernard Shaw, am the best chess

player in the world.

BANG!