Original subtitles

What do you say, Uncle George?

You all want to borrow how much?

I told you we want to borrow $25

,000.

To buy a stock car and go off

racing around the dirt tracks at county fairs.

Could win a lot of money.

We'll pay back.

Probably pay it all back inside a year.

What do you say?

What do I say?

I say no, that's what.

In fact, I say hell no.

Now I sure am sorry to hear you

say that, Uncle George.

Which, which one are you?

Don't really matter much now, does it?

He is in there and that thing is

sticking up right out of the middle of

his back.

Oh, they did it to him.

I know those.

Take it easy.

Oh, easy now, Miss Mary.

There's no rush.

I'm sure old George, I reckon, isn't going

to get up and go anywhere.

So if you just take it easy now

and take Eddie and me in and show

me where he is.

In there in the den and he is

dead.

That's where he is.

Well, then let's go in and take a

look at him.

Come on.

Come on.

Yeah, he's, he's dead all right.

Just like you said.

Uh, Eddie, why don't you see if you

can lift some prints around here, particularly off

the handle that night.

Well, I'll try, Milt, but I don't think

your perpetrator is going to leave any prints

on the instrument of death.

You know, nowadays, your perpetrators, see, they take

about two seconds killing and then you got

five minutes of wiping.

Yeah, well, see what you can do, see

what you can do.

All right.

Miss Mary and I want to go in

the other room in here and have a

nice little, little visit.

All right?

Come on, Miss Mary.

Now, why don't you just sit right down

here, Miss Mary, and make yourself comfortable, huh?

Okay.

Well, I reckon you want to know what

I saw.

I sure appreciate it.

Well, I had just gone out to the

barn.

We got some old hens that like to

nest out there.

And I thought I'd gather some eggs for

George's dinner.

Lunch, you city folks call it.

Oh, now, Miss Mary, you can't hardly call

me city folks.

Well, I found more than half a dozen.

As I came out of the barn, I

saw him getting in that fancy pickup of

theirs and just...

You seen who, Miss Mary?

The twin.

The twin?

Which twin?

I don't know which one it was.

I've been George's housekeeper for 15 years.

And I helped raise those two whelps when

their mama and papa died.

And I never have been able to tell

them apart.

But you're sure?

You're sure that you saw one of them

running out of the house?

That's the God's truth.

And then I went in there and found

poor old George.

What's going on here, Sheriff?

Come on in here, boys, and sit down

right over here.

I have some very bad news for you.

Sit down.

Well, did you find out anything?

The instrument of death was wiped clean as

a whistle, just like I said it would

be.

Sheriff, what's he talking about, instrument of death?

Well, boys, your uncle is dead.

He was stabbed to death not more than

45 minutes ago.

Miss Mary here found his body.

And she says that she saw one of

you boys running out of the house afterwards.

So it looks like I'm going to have

to ask a few questions.

Now then, may I read them her rights?

Oh, yeah, I keep forgetting.

Go on, Eddie, read them her rights.

Okay, here we go.

You have a right to remain silent.

You have a right to a lawyer.

If you can't afford a lawyer...

Of course, I guess you boys can afford

just about anything you want to now that

old George is dead, though.

But if you can't, then the county is

going to pay for one for you.

That's it.

You boys want to answer a few questions?

Sure.

Okay.

Okay.

Well, I might as well ask you the

big one.

Either you boys killed your uncle?

Well, I didn't.

Me neither.

Well, I guess I better ask you another

big one.

Which one of you boys is going to

get all of that George's money now that

he's dead and gone?

Well, I'll get half.

And I'll get the other half.

And just how much would that half come

to?

I mean, about, it won't have to be

accurate.

A couple million.

Each.

At least.

Each?

I heard that old George kept you boys

in a pretty short string.

I mean, just an allowance, that was about

all, right?

Fifty bucks a week.

And room and board.

And all we had to do for it

was put in about 60 hard hours a

week around this place.

We figured it out one time, didn't we?

He was paying us, oh, maybe 85 cents

an hour.

Either one of you boys remember where you

were about 45 minutes ago?

That would make it, yeah, high noon, straight

up.

Sure, I remember.

I was at the Corral Bar on Route

61.

Anybody see you out there?

Yeah.

Yeah, Sally saw me.

Sally Fenton.

What time does the bar open up?

Oh, about 11.30. About when did you

leave this Corral Bar?

About 12.30. Where'd you go?

I went down to Al's to pick him

up.

And here we are.

Yeah, here we are.

You're, uh, who are you?

Which one of you, who are you?

I'm Donald.

You're Donald.

And you're David.

All right, David.

All right, where were you 45 minutes ago?

Straight up noon.

At Al's garage?

Hell no, I wasn't over at Al's garage.

I was at the Corral Bar.

Ask Sally Fenton, she'll tell you.

What, are you trying to tell me that

both of you were at the same place,

the Corral Bar, at the same time?

He wasn't there, but I was.

I don't know where he was, but I

can prove I was there.

Oh.

Oh, you're cute.

Yeah, oh, you're damn cute, you are.

You're both gonna maintain the same alibi, hmm?

Looks that way, doesn't it?

But one of you was lying.

Well, I ain't.

Me neither.

Me neither.

What do you make of it?

I think it's like you said, male to

male.

It's cute.

It's real cute.

Let me talk this past you.

These two yo-yos get together and they

decide, agree to murder their uncle old George

for his money, right?

A couple million bucks apiece.

That's a pretty good motive, huh?

Except everybody would suspect them first, right off,

first thing, hmm?

So what do they do?

They do the impossible.

They are both in the same place, at

the same time, and each one of them

has got a witness to prove it.

Cute, huh?

Real cute.

Well, it's, uh, it's gonna be up to

the law to decide which one of you

were where and when.

And I guess it's gonna be up to

us to prove which one of you did

it.

All I know is that I think one

or probably both of you are lying in

your teeth.

Hey, Milt.

I got an idea here.

Let's hear it.

Well, let's say we, uh, run both these

boys over at that corral bar with us,

huh?

You mean let that little barmaid over there

take a look at them?

Yeah, right.

Well, what about their lawyer?

Well, he's over at Brightsville.

I don't see a way in the world

he could be here within the next two

hours.

We just might have it cleared up by

then.

Well, no, we can't force them to do

it.

I mean, we can't make them do it.

No.

We could, uh, ask them, you know, real

polite-like.

Huh.

Can't see any harm in doing that.

Well, how about it?

You boys willing to go?

You mean out to the corral bar and

see Sally?

Well, that's what I had in mind, yeah.

You have to put the cuffs on?

Well, no, I don't reckon I have to

put the cuffs on, no.

You planning to make a run for it?

Why should I?

I ain't done nothing.

Me neither.

Yeah, this has got to be out of

your own free will, you understand?

I ain't gonna force you to go.

Okay.

Which one of you?

Donald.

You're Donald.

All right, David, what do you say?

You agree?

Yeah, I'm willing.

So long as there ain't no cuffs.

You sure you ain't planning to make a

break for it?

I mean, all this talk about cuffs.

Why should I?

Ain't killed nobody.

Me neither.

Me neither.

Hey, you boys sit down right over here.

Right here.

Eddie, you keep an eye on him.

I don't trust him.

I hate to go make a run for

it.

Afternoon.

Hey.

Hi.

You're Sally Fenton, right?

Huh?

You're Sheriff Singleton?

Uh-huh.

So, what's going on?

Well, you know old George Jevin?

Um, I don't know him exactly, but I

see him in here from time to time.

Why?

Well, I'm looking into his murder.

Oh, my God.

Yeah, that's why I would have to ask

a few questions, Sally, if that's all right.

Sure.

The...

You know the two boys over here, the

twins?

Yeah, I know them.

Were either one of them or both of

them in here today around lunch hour on

12 noon?

Uh, one of them was.

Which one?

He didn't say.

Didn't you ask him?

Well, I used to, but I don't anymore.

I mean, they always lie to me.

They're sort of joking, you know.

So, I just stopped asking.

You think that one of them killed their

uncle?

Honey, I don't know who killed him yet

exactly.

That's what I'm trying to find out.

That's why I have to ask you all

these kind of questions, okay?

Um, well, uh, the joker got here like,

um, maybe like 15 minutes after I opened.

That's like 11.45. Joker?

Oh, well, that's what I call them both

now.

Because they...

I mean, I have to call them something.

You know, they won't tell me the right

names.

Uh-huh.

11.45, huh?

Uh-huh.

All right, then what happened?

Well, um, oh, it was just me and

him, you know, here.

And he ordered a beer.

A beer?

Uh-huh.

A draft beer?

Yes.

In a glass?

Yeah.

Where is it?

What?

The glass?

The glass.

I washed it.

I washed all of the glasses.

Why?

I got it, fingerprints, right?

Yeah, fingerprints.

You mean not even identical twins have fingerprints

that are exactly alike?

I'm sorry, I washed them.

I...

Yeah.

Oh, honey, I know, I know how you

might be feeling, Sally.

But this is murder, honey.

It's bad, you know?

Yeah.

Yeah.

So, let's just move back a little, huh?

Okay.

Now, you, uh, are you sure that you

got here at 11.30?

Well, I might have been a little bit

late, you know.

Um, I had to go to the shopping

centre.

I had to buy, um, kitty litter and

I had to get fish food for my

goldfish.

And, um, oh, then I saw this belt

in Jerry's window and so I had to

buy it, of course.

So, um, I bought that and, um, well,

that couldn't have put me, like, you know,

four minutes late or so.

Belt?

Yeah.

Do you like it?

Oh.

Oh, yeah, yeah, that's very pretty, yeah.

Yeah.

Are you absolutely sure that there was nobody

else in the bar at the same time

that Trin was here?

Nope, just him and me.

Huh.

You sure nothing else happened?

Anything, anything at all?

Anything?

No.

No?

Well, no.

I mean, literally, that's about all.

Except, um...

Except what?

Well, see, it was just, you know, I

mean, since there was nobody else here, we

just, we started fooling around a little bit,

you know.

Oh.

I mean, nothing serious.

Heh, heh, heh, heh.

Um, you've forgiven old man's curiosity, but, uh,

just what exactly does none serious fooling around

consist of?

No, no.

You know.

No, no.

Stop it.

No, no, no.

Just kissing and hugging.

Kissing and hugging?

Mm, that's all.

Just kissing and hugging?

Uh-huh.

That's all.

Well, I guess it's not so much different

nowadays, eh?

No, I...

Do you remember which twin it was that

you kissed?

Well...

No.

No?

No.

No.

Oh.

You mean you've kissed both twins?

Sure, why not?

I mean, I like it.

I like them.

So why just let him kiss me?

There's nothing wrong in that, is there?

Oh, no, sugar.

No, nothing.

That's not a thing.

Did, uh, Sally tell you something interesting, Bill?

Well, she told me her version of your

visit.

Or yours.

Whatever.

Now I'd like to hear what you boys

have to say.

Well, look, if we're going to be here

all afternoon, how about a drink, huh?

Yeah, sure, why not?

What do you want?

Scotch and water.

How about you?

Scotch and water.

Of course.

Eddie, will you hold those drinks for me?

I'll have a beer.

And then, uh, call the coroner and, uh,

ask him if he's made up his mind

yet about whether or not old George was...

died of a stab wound.

Do that, Bill.

All right, boys.

That's your version.

Mine?

Yeah.

You, what, what, what?

You or Donald?

Donald, yeah.

Yours.

Well, I got here a little before 12.

Had a beer.

Talked to Sally for a while.

And we, uh...

we kind of fooled around a little.

Hugging and kissing?

Do you know, Sheriff, that's exactly what happened

to me.

Word for word.

Oh, you, you're slick, you two are.

You're really slick.

Your whole scam depends upon nobody, but nobody

being able to tell you apart, right?

I don't know what you're talking about, Sheriff.

Me neither.

Yeah, but there's gotta be a way.

There has got to be a way.

I mean, no two people in the world

are exactly alike.

You don't believe that, do you?

Sure I do.

Me too?

Well, you would, wouldn't you?

But I've been thinking...

Here we go.

Got us two scotch waters, a couple of

beers.

Oh, and I talked a corner on the

phone, Milton, there's definitely a knife a done

old George in, just like we thought it

was.

I figured.

You've been thinking what, Milton?

I've been thinking, back when I was a

young buck about your age, racing around the

country in my pappy's 1936 Ford convertible, chasing,

chasing the girls.

Back then, about a hundred years ago, it

began to dawn on me that no two

girls ever kissed just exactly the same way.

You know what old Milt here is?

Yeah, he's a regular Perry Mason.

You know what he's gonna ask us to

do, don't you?

Sure do.

Kiss Sally.

What do you think?

Well, it ain't exactly the shabbiest way I

can think of to spend an afternoon.

Yeah, me neither.

You think it'll hold up in court, Milton?

That's my problem.

Sally!

Come on over here, honey, I got a

little favour to ask you.

Sure thing.

I mean, this is gonna sound like a

very peculiar request, but I want you to

kiss these two boys.

Would you do that?

In public?

Yeah, right out here in front of the

good Lord and us and everybody.

Why?

Well, you see, sugar, I want you to

try to remember which one of the boys

it was that you was fooling around with

in here today, you know?

Oh, yeah.

You think you can do that for me?

Yeah, I can try.

All right.

If you guys are willing.

Oh, they're willing.

Oh, yeah, we're willing.

More than willing.

Okay.

All right, who's first?

I think I ought to.

See you tonight.

I'm closer and all.

Okay, sugar.

Buck her up.

That's enough.

Thank golly, I knew there was something I

was missed.

You sit right down there, son.

Oh, is that the way you got kissed

today at noon?

Yeah.

You sure?

Yeah, I'm positive.

Well, I'm right here, I'm right here.

I'm gonna put your arms around me.

Really, sugar, I just...

Come on, honey, please, I'm not gonna hurt

you.

I'm just a harmless old man.

That's it, come on in.

Come on close, that's right.

Now, he had his hand here.

And he was moving it down your back.

And he got down and he held your

waist tight up against it.

Yeah.

You sure?

Yeah, just like that.

And you just bought that belt today?

Uh-huh.

Take it off.

Touch nothing but the buckle.

Well, it don't matter, because your fingerprints are

gonna be all over it anyway.

That's it, now.

Be handed very directly there to Deputy Reed.

Well, what do you say, Eddie?

Do you think that that patent leather's gonna

hold any fingerprints?

Just like his warm wax mill.

Sit over there, boy.

You and I sit right down next to

your wife.

Sit down, you two, sit down.

Now, I'll bet the rent money that whichever

one of you didn't kill old George was

in here and has got his fingerprints all

over that belt.

And while he was hugging and kissing here,

the other one was out at the ranch

there killing poor old Uncle George.

I...

I can't remember which.

One of you was which.

I'm David.

The hell he is, I'm David.

He done it, Sheriff.

He killed Uncle George.

He's lying.

I didn't kill anybody, he did.

We'll know soon enough who did it.

But you're both guilty of conspiring to do

it and aiding and abetting each other in

that murder.

And neither one of you is ever gonna

get a chance to spend one penny of

that $4 million.