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Intro
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Music
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Mom, Dad
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have done it on cold party.
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Either you leave or I do.
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I'm happy now.
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Now get out of it saying you're going.
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Why the hell don't you go?
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Go for good and leave me in peace.
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Rates, gas, electricity.
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All final demands.
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One final demand I await with pleasure.
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The last judgement.
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When you'll be judged as well as me,
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you stale fish.
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That was seven pounds and twelve hours of
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oblivion.
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Perhaps they've come to cut something off.
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Your head I hope.
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Oh.
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Yes.
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I was wondering.
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Yes.
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Whether you were having any trouble with your
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water.
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Water is something that has never troubled me.
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No.
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No.
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That was just an excuse of course.
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I have been a marriage guidance counsellor and
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a Samaritan.
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I was wondering if I could help at
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all.
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No.
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Just to pay for the one you broke.
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Mrs. Locke, I have a friend in alcoholics
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anonymous.
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Will you get the hell out of here.
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Go and be a Samaritan to the strippers
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in Soho.
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I've done my best to be understanding Mr.
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Locke.
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But really these rows are quite intolerable.
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I shall make a complaint to the landlord.
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What did I keep them for?
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Mementos of mediocrity.
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They say success has to be paid for.
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Failure comes a bit more expensive.
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And I have to pay for your failure.
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Richard Mellor.
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Old Dickie.
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Damn his guts.
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Will you shut up.
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Damn travel agents.
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Damn photographers.
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Damn PAs.
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Damn PROs.
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Damn all the jerks who can't keep a
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deadline.
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You haven't done much today, have you?
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Moving these stones does my back in.
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If you went to the osteopath, his name,
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address and telephone number I gave you, you
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wouldn't have a bad back.
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I don't want an osteopath.
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I just want five minutes peace, please.
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You've had a whole day's peace while I've
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been seeing 20 dumb models.
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Oh, and fixing the air ticket.
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Hotel.
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Italian PR.
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He's an absolute idiot.
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Checking to see if I can get 40
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dresses through customs in Rome.
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Make sure I've got the hairdresser I want
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him to stand in.
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Why the hell do you still read Variety?
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Think you're going to make Broadway?
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Nostalgia, my love.
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I did make Toronto once.
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Where did you put my clothes?
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Clothes?
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My dry cleaning.
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Oh, God.
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That means you haven't collected it.
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It's too late.
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They're closed now.
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I'll go first thing tomorrow morning.
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I leave the house at eight.
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That means I've got to go shopping when
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I get there or boil in wool in
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Rome.
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I'm sorry.
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My mind was on other things.
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I've got to go to the theatre now,
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too.
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What for?
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It's early.
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We have an equity meeting.
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I haven't told you the show closes on
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Saturday.
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And it's most unlikely we'll get paid.
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Did you last get paid for anything?
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It's rough on the others, that's all.
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They're not subsidised by wives who fly first
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class to boil in wool in Rome.
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What time is the night boat to Dublin?
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Yes, yes, I said Dublin.
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And what train from London would connect with
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that?
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Is that the first train?
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And what time does that arrive in Dublin?
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Right.
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Thank you.
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Giles?
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Dickie.
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Good Lord.
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Do you still live over there?
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Yes, yes.
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Still full of actors?
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Well, there's one or two of us left.
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Are you off somewhere?
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Yes.
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Paris.
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What for a dirty weekend?
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The Puritan English would describe a lovers' meeting
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as a dirty weekend.
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No, no, those days are over, dear boy.
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When do you go?
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I've got a couple of hours to kill
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before I check in at the airport.
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I was just going down the road for
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a snifter.
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Ah, my local pub, yes.
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Well, I can do with a drink.
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Oh, good.
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Good.
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Is this your car?
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Yes, it was a present from Melissa a
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few years back.
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Oh, my God.
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Melissa!
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I think I need that drink.
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It's nice to see you.
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We never made this, did we, Gus?
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I carried a spear here once.
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Oh, yes.
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I'm working down the road, actually.
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Ah.
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But not that play that...
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You've got the worst notices I've read in
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30 years, yes.
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Oh, dear.
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Yes, we close on Saturday.
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Yeah, well, I didn't see your name outside
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the theatre.
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No, well, I've only got a very, very
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small pouch, you know, and I'm understudying as
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well.
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Will be bad, or was it just bad
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luck that our names aren't up there?
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Fergus Locke in King Lear.
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Yes, um...
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Richard Miller in...
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Pygmalion.
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I think I was a rather good Professor
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Higgins.
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In New Zealand.
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Why the hell do you need to play
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big parts?
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I've heard that Melissa's, um...
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Whatever the female of a tycoon is.
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What tycoon is?
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Oh, yes, she's got a chain of boutiques
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from here to Miami.
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So why don't you sit back and pack
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her in?
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Well, because...
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Because I think she's left me, Gus.
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She's gone to do a fashion show in
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Rome.
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She's got a chap there, I know that.
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And I don't expect her back.
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She will settle in some tax haven somewhere
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with her gigolo.
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Everything's in her name.
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All I've got is a car.
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So I'm an understudy.
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I'm out of work now, too.
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Well, if I'd known, I'd have...
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I'd have called you.
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Even after 25 years.
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Sympathy?
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No, no.
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Satisfaction.
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Because you, you bastard, you took her from
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me.
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If it hadn't been for that, we might
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have stayed friends.
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I've often missed you, Gus.
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We'd have rambled on like old hams do,
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about theatrical digs and disastrous tours.
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Yes, playing in...
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Oh, do you remember now?
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What the hell was the name of the
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play?
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End of the Brighton Pier.
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Oh, that's right, that's right.
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It was in the middle of a forsake
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game.
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Waves coming through the window.
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And I had to say the line, it's
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so quiet up here.
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And we both collapsed.
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All six.
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Two more, Kathleen.
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And I'll have a packet of those cicadas.
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Let's sit down, shall we?
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Is that pop time or real time?
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That's right by the radio.
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Only in a puritan country like England would
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they set pop talks five minutes fast to
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make you drink up soda.
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Oh, sorry.
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Water.
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Water.
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I said, did you want water?
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Oh, yes.
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Yes, please.
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Sir, what have you been up to lately?
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Oh, er...
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Walk-ons in TV, you know.
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I, er...
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I model a bit now.
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Clothes for the older man, you know, insurance
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ads.
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Plan for a happy retirement.
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I should hate your guts.
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Well, time cures all things.
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So they say.
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25 years.
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Haven't stopped me loving Melissa.
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Ah, well, a woman is only a woman,
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but a good cigar is a smoke.
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Oh, was that from some play we were
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in?
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Sounds like Noel Card.
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No, no.
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It's Rudyard Kipling.
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Could I, er...
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Yes, sir.
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Thank you.
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Do you remember the old storey about the
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two girls?
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One says to the other, do you like
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Kipling?
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And the other says, I don't know, I
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haven't done it yet.
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LAUGHTER Do you remember the lovely Noel Card
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storey?
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He was rehearsing some romantic piece of his,
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and the ingenue was a girl called Maureen
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Klopp.
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So when Noel saw the proofs of the
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bills, he took her aside and he said,
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Darling, you're a lovely girl in a lovely
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play, but I really can't have my name
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on the bill with someone called Maureen Klopp.
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So go away, darling, and come back tomorrow
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and tell me some nice, new, ethereal name
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you've found for yourself.
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So she went home, came back the following
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day, and Noel said, Have you found that
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name, darling?
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And she said, Yes.
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Noel said, Tell me.
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And so she said, Diana Klopp.
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LAUGHTER Yes, yes, I remember.
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Did you know him, Dickie?
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No, no.
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Then why do you call him Noel?
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Oh, God, Gus!
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It's an old actor's habit.
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We all do it.
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How was the marriage?
286
00:15:14,220 --> 00:15:15,500
There was a boy and a girl.
287
00:15:15,860 --> 00:15:16,080
Oh.
288
00:15:17,160 --> 00:15:18,400
And where are they?
289
00:15:19,520 --> 00:15:21,300
The boy's in New York.
290
00:15:23,240 --> 00:15:23,760
And?
291
00:15:24,520 --> 00:15:26,660
The girl does some sort of work with
292
00:15:26,660 --> 00:15:26,960
children.
293
00:15:27,400 --> 00:15:28,500
I've rather lost touch with her.
294
00:15:29,500 --> 00:15:31,560
Doesn't sound as though the love match worked,
295
00:15:31,800 --> 00:15:31,900
David.
296
00:15:33,360 --> 00:15:35,340
Well, I never made it as an actor,
297
00:15:35,500 --> 00:15:37,760
and Melissa was a great success.
298
00:15:38,440 --> 00:15:39,960
She got in on the 60s boom, then
299
00:15:39,960 --> 00:15:41,480
she went in for ethnic stuff, you know,
300
00:15:41,480 --> 00:15:42,660
caftans and all that.
301
00:15:43,360 --> 00:15:45,240
Then she made workmen's overalls a rage.
302
00:15:46,000 --> 00:15:47,900
So now there are girls all over the
303
00:15:47,900 --> 00:15:49,720
world walking around with the label Melissa on
304
00:15:49,720 --> 00:15:50,100
their bottoms.
305
00:15:52,960 --> 00:15:56,080
Whatever happened to that ghastly girl she went
306
00:15:56,080 --> 00:15:56,820
to art school with?
307
00:15:58,300 --> 00:16:00,960
Um, short legs and freckles and screwed back
308
00:16:00,960 --> 00:16:01,140
hair.
309
00:16:01,140 --> 00:16:02,220
Do you remember, she was sort of dumpy
310
00:16:02,220 --> 00:16:03,480
and I had to have every joke explained
311
00:16:03,480 --> 00:16:03,980
to her twice.
312
00:16:04,920 --> 00:16:05,780
God, she was awful.
313
00:16:07,080 --> 00:16:09,140
Smelt like the inside of a tart's handbag.
314
00:16:09,140 --> 00:16:09,780
What was her name?
315
00:16:11,200 --> 00:16:11,560
Audrey.
316
00:16:12,540 --> 00:16:13,260
Oh, yes.
317
00:16:14,100 --> 00:16:14,360
Yes.
318
00:16:14,360 --> 00:16:15,740
Whatever happened to her, did she ever get
319
00:16:15,740 --> 00:16:16,040
any work?
320
00:16:16,200 --> 00:16:16,920
No, not far.
321
00:16:17,580 --> 00:16:18,560
She married me.
322
00:16:21,400 --> 00:16:21,980
I'm sorry.
323
00:16:23,800 --> 00:16:32,080
LAUGHTER Oh, God!
324
00:16:32,260 --> 00:16:33,620
Oh, God, that was funny.
325
00:16:34,440 --> 00:16:37,540
I wish I'd heard that description all those
326
00:16:37,540 --> 00:16:39,220
years ago when I asked her to marry
327
00:16:39,220 --> 00:16:39,800
me.
328
00:16:41,740 --> 00:16:42,880
On the repeat.
329
00:16:44,940 --> 00:16:48,140
When you stole Melissa...
330
00:16:48,860 --> 00:16:51,220
Gosh, oh, yes, you did, you devious bloody
331
00:16:51,220 --> 00:16:51,560
liar.
332
00:16:52,960 --> 00:16:55,360
And the pair of you like birdlets who
333
00:16:55,360 --> 00:16:56,660
mess up the carpets.
334
00:16:57,800 --> 00:16:59,540
You messed up my life.
335
00:17:04,089 --> 00:17:05,250
Two more, Kathleen.
336
00:17:05,510 --> 00:17:06,970
No, no, this is my round.
337
00:17:09,730 --> 00:17:10,589
Diet, then.
338
00:17:12,430 --> 00:17:13,450
The same again, please.
339
00:17:21,829 --> 00:17:23,030
How was your marriage?
340
00:17:25,310 --> 00:17:26,890
Bust, like yours.
341
00:17:27,990 --> 00:17:28,950
We couldn't have children.
342
00:17:30,950 --> 00:17:33,410
Then she found out that I was chronically
343
00:17:33,410 --> 00:17:34,310
unfaithful.
344
00:17:35,450 --> 00:17:38,270
So she took to religion and illness.
345
00:17:41,470 --> 00:17:43,470
When she wasn't in church, she was in
346
00:17:43,470 --> 00:17:44,050
hospital.
347
00:17:45,710 --> 00:17:45,990
Sure.
348
00:17:46,950 --> 00:17:49,130
Well, Melissa was always doing the place up.
349
00:17:50,030 --> 00:17:51,550
If we weren't converting the attic, we had
350
00:17:51,550 --> 00:17:52,130
to have a patio.
351
00:17:52,630 --> 00:17:53,590
It was yesterday.
352
00:17:54,390 --> 00:17:55,990
With unpaid labour, mine.
353
00:17:59,110 --> 00:17:59,590
Melissa...
354
00:18:00,650 --> 00:18:01,130
was...
355
00:18:02,330 --> 00:18:03,290
And I've...
356
00:18:03,290 --> 00:18:04,610
I've known a few.
357
00:18:06,250 --> 00:18:13,350
The most beautiful woman, dressed or undressed, I
358
00:18:13,350 --> 00:18:14,770
have ever seen.
359
00:18:16,410 --> 00:18:18,750
You know who she reminds me of?
360
00:18:19,530 --> 00:18:19,790
No?
361
00:18:21,390 --> 00:18:25,010
You know what reminds me of her?
362
00:18:26,470 --> 00:18:30,990
Every time I see a picture of Marilyn
363
00:18:30,990 --> 00:18:37,250
Monroe, the hair that was blonde without being
364
00:18:37,250 --> 00:18:43,970
blonded, the vulnerable red mouth that was like
365
00:18:43,970 --> 00:18:45,630
a kiss without being kissed.
366
00:18:49,620 --> 00:18:50,700
Has she changed much?
367
00:18:51,840 --> 00:18:53,900
She was rich enough not to change.
368
00:18:55,920 --> 00:18:58,440
Bloody hell, with her, my whole life might
369
00:18:58,440 --> 00:18:59,060
have been different.
370
00:19:00,360 --> 00:19:02,540
Work, sex, and everything.
371
00:19:02,540 --> 00:19:03,960
Gus, that's fantasy.
372
00:19:07,540 --> 00:19:09,380
So what are you going to do when
373
00:19:09,380 --> 00:19:10,400
your show closes?
374
00:19:13,180 --> 00:19:14,040
Take a break.
375
00:19:15,040 --> 00:19:16,940
On what's left in our joint account.
376
00:19:18,100 --> 00:19:20,780
Go back to where I grew up, Suffolk,
377
00:19:20,780 --> 00:19:21,020
Norfolk.
378
00:19:21,700 --> 00:19:22,640
Find a pub somewhere.
379
00:19:26,820 --> 00:19:29,060
Yes, Audrey and I used to go cruising
380
00:19:29,060 --> 00:19:30,520
on the Norfolk Roads.
381
00:19:31,680 --> 00:19:33,180
We'd hire a boat, you know.
382
00:19:34,640 --> 00:19:37,200
It's a boring flat country.
383
00:19:39,220 --> 00:19:40,800
Too much water.
384
00:19:40,800 --> 00:19:45,400
The body of Mrs. Audrey Locke has been
385
00:19:45,400 --> 00:19:48,880
found in an apartment overlooking St. Martin's Lane.
386
00:19:48,880 --> 00:19:50,540
Police say it might not have been discovered
387
00:19:50,540 --> 00:19:51,080
for weeks.
388
00:19:51,400 --> 00:19:53,520
The tenants living below had not seen bloodstains
389
00:19:53,520 --> 00:19:54,140
on their ceiling.
390
00:19:54,740 --> 00:19:56,800
The police wish to interview Mrs. Locke's husband,
391
00:19:57,100 --> 00:19:59,460
Fergus Locke, described as an actor and...
392
00:19:59,940 --> 00:20:00,760
Mother of God!
393
00:20:00,760 --> 00:20:01,520
Over by the bar.
394
00:20:01,740 --> 00:20:02,200
Quick, move.
395
00:20:02,200 --> 00:20:03,080
Get over there.
396
00:20:03,300 --> 00:20:04,680
You're not the kind of chap who carries
397
00:20:04,680 --> 00:20:04,920
a gun.
398
00:20:04,920 --> 00:20:06,400
It's real, all right.
399
00:20:06,540 --> 00:20:07,240
You know when I got it?
400
00:20:07,360 --> 00:20:08,460
When you ran after Melissa.
401
00:20:08,660 --> 00:20:09,780
Don't move, Kathleen.
402
00:20:09,780 --> 00:20:11,560
I didn't come in here for the pleasure
403
00:20:11,560 --> 00:20:12,160
of your company.
404
00:20:12,600 --> 00:20:13,880
I thought if anything goes wrong, you might
405
00:20:13,880 --> 00:20:14,800
help me with an alibi.
406
00:20:15,420 --> 00:20:16,380
Well, now it has gone wrong.
407
00:20:16,760 --> 00:20:17,740
Stay where you are, Kathleen.
408
00:20:18,800 --> 00:20:20,480
I wouldn't want to shoot a girl from
409
00:20:20,480 --> 00:20:20,940
Galway.
410
00:20:22,340 --> 00:20:23,020
Mr. Murphy?
411
00:20:23,800 --> 00:20:24,580
Mr. Murphy!
412
00:20:25,260 --> 00:20:26,120
He's that murderer.
413
00:20:26,120 --> 00:20:26,940
Don't give him a chance.
414
00:20:27,520 --> 00:20:28,900
He never had a chance in all his
415
00:20:28,900 --> 00:20:29,080
life.
416
00:20:29,080 --> 00:20:29,820
Mr. Murphy!
417
00:20:46,050 --> 00:20:46,770
Thank you.
418
00:21:20,710 --> 00:21:22,030
Come on, come on.
419
00:21:22,030 --> 00:21:22,830
They'll never make it.
420
00:21:25,630 --> 00:21:26,870
Come on, they've got to be on that
421
00:21:26,870 --> 00:21:27,070
boat.
422
00:21:27,070 --> 00:21:28,310
They've got to be on that boat tonight.
423
00:21:29,170 --> 00:21:29,890
Come on.
424
00:22:07,740 --> 00:22:09,580
What the hell are the police doing here?
425
00:23:40,470 --> 00:23:41,810
Melissa.
426
00:24:33,800 --> 00:24:34,240
Melissa.
427
00:24:35,140 --> 00:24:36,100
Oh, no.
428
00:24:37,340 --> 00:24:39,020
Oh, my God.
429
00:24:40,900 --> 00:24:44,300
Oh, my God.
430
00:24:47,900 --> 00:24:48,620
Melissa.
27273
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