Original subtitles

Intro

Music

Mom, Dad

have done it on cold party.

Either you leave or I do.

I'm happy now.

Now get out of it saying you're going.

Why the hell don't you go?

Go for good and leave me in peace.

Rates, gas, electricity.

All final demands.

One final demand I await with pleasure.

The last judgement.

When you'll be judged as well as me,

you stale fish.

That was seven pounds and twelve hours of

oblivion.

Perhaps they've come to cut something off.

Your head I hope.

Oh.

Yes.

I was wondering.

Yes.

Whether you were having any trouble with your

water.

Water is something that has never troubled me.

No.

No.

That was just an excuse of course.

I have been a marriage guidance counsellor and

a Samaritan.

I was wondering if I could help at

all.

No.

Just to pay for the one you broke.

Mrs. Locke, I have a friend in alcoholics

anonymous.

Will you get the hell out of here.

Go and be a Samaritan to the strippers

in Soho.

I've done my best to be understanding Mr.

Locke.

But really these rows are quite intolerable.

I shall make a complaint to the landlord.

What did I keep them for?

Mementos of mediocrity.

They say success has to be paid for.

Failure comes a bit more expensive.

And I have to pay for your failure.

Richard Mellor.

Old Dickie.

Damn his guts.

Will you shut up.

Damn travel agents.

Damn photographers.

Damn PAs.

Damn PROs.

Damn all the jerks who can't keep a

deadline.

You haven't done much today, have you?

Moving these stones does my back in.

If you went to the osteopath, his name,

address and telephone number I gave you, you

wouldn't have a bad back.

I don't want an osteopath.

I just want five minutes peace, please.

You've had a whole day's peace while I've

been seeing 20 dumb models.

Oh, and fixing the air ticket.

Hotel.

Italian PR.

He's an absolute idiot.

Checking to see if I can get 40

dresses through customs in Rome.

Make sure I've got the hairdresser I want

him to stand in.

Why the hell do you still read Variety?

Think you're going to make Broadway?

Nostalgia, my love.

I did make Toronto once.

Where did you put my clothes?

Clothes?

My dry cleaning.

Oh, God.

That means you haven't collected it.

It's too late.

They're closed now.

I'll go first thing tomorrow morning.

I leave the house at eight.

That means I've got to go shopping when

I get there or boil in wool in

Rome.

I'm sorry.

My mind was on other things.

I've got to go to the theatre now,

too.

What for?

It's early.

We have an equity meeting.

I haven't told you the show closes on

Saturday.

And it's most unlikely we'll get paid.

Did you last get paid for anything?

It's rough on the others, that's all.

They're not subsidised by wives who fly first

class to boil in wool in Rome.

What time is the night boat to Dublin?

Yes, yes, I said Dublin.

And what train from London would connect with

that?

Is that the first train?

And what time does that arrive in Dublin?

Right.

Thank you.

Giles?

Dickie.

Good Lord.

Do you still live over there?

Yes, yes.

Still full of actors?

Well, there's one or two of us left.

Are you off somewhere?

Yes.

Paris.

What for a dirty weekend?

The Puritan English would describe a lovers' meeting

as a dirty weekend.

No, no, those days are over, dear boy.

When do you go?

I've got a couple of hours to kill

before I check in at the airport.

I was just going down the road for

a snifter.

Ah, my local pub, yes.

Well, I can do with a drink.

Oh, good.

Good.

Is this your car?

Yes, it was a present from Melissa a

few years back.

Oh, my God.

Melissa!

I think I need that drink.

It's nice to see you.

We never made this, did we, Gus?

I carried a spear here once.

Oh, yes.

I'm working down the road, actually.

Ah.

But not that play that...

You've got the worst notices I've read in

30 years, yes.

Oh, dear.

Yes, we close on Saturday.

Yeah, well, I didn't see your name outside

the theatre.

No, well, I've only got a very, very

small pouch, you know, and I'm understudying as

well.

Will be bad, or was it just bad

luck that our names aren't up there?

Fergus Locke in King Lear.

Yes, um...

Richard Miller in...

Pygmalion.

I think I was a rather good Professor

Higgins.

In New Zealand.

Why the hell do you need to play

big parts?

I've heard that Melissa's, um...

Whatever the female of a tycoon is.

What tycoon is?

Oh, yes, she's got a chain of boutiques

from here to Miami.

So why don't you sit back and pack

her in?

Well, because...

Because I think she's left me, Gus.

She's gone to do a fashion show in

Rome.

She's got a chap there, I know that.

And I don't expect her back.

She will settle in some tax haven somewhere

with her gigolo.

Everything's in her name.

All I've got is a car.

So I'm an understudy.

I'm out of work now, too.

Well, if I'd known, I'd have...

I'd have called you.

Even after 25 years.

Sympathy?

No, no.

Satisfaction.

Because you, you bastard, you took her from

me.

If it hadn't been for that, we might

have stayed friends.

I've often missed you, Gus.

We'd have rambled on like old hams do,

about theatrical digs and disastrous tours.

Yes, playing in...

Oh, do you remember now?

What the hell was the name of the

play?

End of the Brighton Pier.

Oh, that's right, that's right.

It was in the middle of a forsake

game.

Waves coming through the window.

And I had to say the line, it's

so quiet up here.

And we both collapsed.

All six.

Two more, Kathleen.

And I'll have a packet of those cicadas.

Let's sit down, shall we?

Is that pop time or real time?

That's right by the radio.

Only in a puritan country like England would

they set pop talks five minutes fast to

make you drink up soda.

Oh, sorry.

Water.

Water.

I said, did you want water?

Oh, yes.

Yes, please.

Sir, what have you been up to lately?

Oh, er...

Walk-ons in TV, you know.

I, er...

I model a bit now.

Clothes for the older man, you know, insurance

ads.

Plan for a happy retirement.

I should hate your guts.

Well, time cures all things.

So they say.

25 years.

Haven't stopped me loving Melissa.

Ah, well, a woman is only a woman,

but a good cigar is a smoke.

Oh, was that from some play we were

in?

Sounds like Noel Card.

No, no.

It's Rudyard Kipling.

Could I, er...

Yes, sir.

Thank you.

Do you remember the old storey about the

two girls?

One says to the other, do you like

Kipling?

And the other says, I don't know, I

haven't done it yet.

LAUGHTER Do you remember the lovely Noel Card

storey?

He was rehearsing some romantic piece of his,

and the ingenue was a girl called Maureen

Klopp.

So when Noel saw the proofs of the

bills, he took her aside and he said,

Darling, you're a lovely girl in a lovely

play, but I really can't have my name

on the bill with someone called Maureen Klopp.

So go away, darling, and come back tomorrow

and tell me some nice, new, ethereal name

you've found for yourself.

So she went home, came back the following

day, and Noel said, Have you found that

name, darling?

And she said, Yes.

Noel said, Tell me.

And so she said, Diana Klopp.

LAUGHTER Yes, yes, I remember.

Did you know him, Dickie?

No, no.

Then why do you call him Noel?

Oh, God, Gus!

It's an old actor's habit.

We all do it.

How was the marriage?

There was a boy and a girl.

Oh.

And where are they?

The boy's in New York.

And?

The girl does some sort of work with

children.

I've rather lost touch with her.

Doesn't sound as though the love match worked,

David.

Well, I never made it as an actor,

and Melissa was a great success.

She got in on the 60s boom, then

she went in for ethnic stuff, you know,

caftans and all that.

Then she made workmen's overalls a rage.

So now there are girls all over the

world walking around with the label Melissa on

their bottoms.

Whatever happened to that ghastly girl she went

to art school with?

Um, short legs and freckles and screwed back

hair.

Do you remember, she was sort of dumpy

and I had to have every joke explained

to her twice.

God, she was awful.

Smelt like the inside of a tart's handbag.

What was her name?

Audrey.

Oh, yes.

Yes.

Whatever happened to her, did she ever get

any work?

No, not far.

She married me.

I'm sorry.

LAUGHTER Oh, God!

Oh, God, that was funny.

I wish I'd heard that description all those

years ago when I asked her to marry

me.

On the repeat.

When you stole Melissa...

Gosh, oh, yes, you did, you devious bloody

liar.

And the pair of you like birdlets who

mess up the carpets.

You messed up my life.

Two more, Kathleen.

No, no, this is my round.

Diet, then.

The same again, please.

How was your marriage?

Bust, like yours.

We couldn't have children.

Then she found out that I was chronically

unfaithful.

So she took to religion and illness.

When she wasn't in church, she was in

hospital.

Sure.

Well, Melissa was always doing the place up.

If we weren't converting the attic, we had

to have a patio.

It was yesterday.

With unpaid labour, mine.

Melissa...

was...

And I've...

I've known a few.

The most beautiful woman, dressed or undressed, I

have ever seen.

You know who she reminds me of?

No?

You know what reminds me of her?

Every time I see a picture of Marilyn

Monroe, the hair that was blonde without being

blonded, the vulnerable red mouth that was like

a kiss without being kissed.

Has she changed much?

She was rich enough not to change.

Bloody hell, with her, my whole life might

have been different.

Work, sex, and everything.

Gus, that's fantasy.

So what are you going to do when

your show closes?

Take a break.

On what's left in our joint account.

Go back to where I grew up, Suffolk,

Norfolk.

Find a pub somewhere.

Yes, Audrey and I used to go cruising

on the Norfolk Roads.

We'd hire a boat, you know.

It's a boring flat country.

Too much water.

The body of Mrs. Audrey Locke has been

found in an apartment overlooking St. Martin's Lane.

Police say it might not have been discovered

for weeks.

The tenants living below had not seen bloodstains

on their ceiling.

The police wish to interview Mrs. Locke's husband,

Fergus Locke, described as an actor and...

Mother of God!

Over by the bar.

Quick, move.

Get over there.

You're not the kind of chap who carries

a gun.

It's real, all right.

You know when I got it?

When you ran after Melissa.

Don't move, Kathleen.

I didn't come in here for the pleasure

of your company.

I thought if anything goes wrong, you might

help me with an alibi.

Well, now it has gone wrong.

Stay where you are, Kathleen.

I wouldn't want to shoot a girl from

Galway.

Mr. Murphy?

Mr. Murphy!

He's that murderer.

Don't give him a chance.

He never had a chance in all his

life.

Mr. Murphy!

Thank you.

Come on, come on.

They'll never make it.

Come on, they've got to be on that

boat.

They've got to be on that boat tonight.

Come on.

What the hell are the police doing here?

Melissa.

Melissa.

Oh, no.

Oh, my God.

Oh, my God.

Melissa.