Original subtitles

You know what I'm going to do today?

I said, you know what I'm going to

do today?

Hmm.

I'm going to catch me a thief.

I said I'm going to catch me a

thief.

Interesting.

They've been stealing me blind.

They?

They, him, or somebody.

Stealing what, exactly?

Money?

Gloves.

Gloves.

Well, just because I manufacture them, that doesn't

mean I have to put up with a

pilferage.

What a nice word, pilferage.

That implies they're not stealing very many, doesn't

it?

They steal a box of six here, another

dozen pair there, and at the end of

the year, you And besides, there's the principle

of the thing, isn't there?

Exactly.

I couldn't have said it better.

How do you plan to catch your thief,

or thief, as the case may be?

I'm going to hire me a private detective.

A real private eye.

Just like in the movies.

Yep.

You do lead an exciting life, Ralph.

Yeah.

Yeah, I guess I do with that.

Okay, Gladys, let's go.

Well?

Well, give me the bad news first.

Six pairs of the fur-lined suede and

twelve pairs of the stretched number three.

You know, the racing gloves.

Ninety-six bucks.

I mean, I lock up this place, and

I go home and come back here, and

ninety-six bucks is walked right out the

door without even waving goodbye.

Plus forty-six dollars the week before.

Did you get a hold of that private

detective?

What's his name?

Semple?

I insisted that Mr. Semple give me three

references, and I checked each one out.

From what I could gather, he's about as

honest and straightforward as those people ever are.

Yeah, but is he any good?

He seems competent.

He'll be here at ten.

How many are out sick today?

Oh, just one, but that was expected.

Mr. Cotter came in at nine-fifteen and,

uh, left at nine-thirty to visit some

studios.

He said he'd be back by noon, unless

he got tied up for lunch.

Noon?

Huh.

Noon, huh?

What does Cotter think I'm running around here?

Some kind of a message centre?

All right, I got a message for him.

When he gets back here, tell him he's

fired.

But you fired him twice last month.

Then hired him back at more pay.

Talent.

You want to know something?

I hate talent.

The best designer in the business.

You still want to fire him?

All right, I'll give him one more chance,

but that's it.

Now look, when this Detective Semple gets here,

I want you to bring him right in.

And don't go around introducing him to everybody.

I want this to be an undercover operation.

How exciting.

Yeah, I guess maybe it isn't that.

I'm Semple.

Detective.

Private investigator.

What's the difference?

None.

Sit down.

You don't look like a detective.

I hope not.

Oh, yeah, I get it.

If you look like a detective, then it

couldn't be very private, could it?

Nope.

What's your problem?

They're stealing me blind.

Cash or kind?

Gloves.

I make gloves.

They're just ripping me off.

How many?

A dozen here, a dozen there.

It adds up.

How many employees you got?

Thirty-two.

Which one's stealing from you?

Which one?

What do you think I got you down

here for?

Let me show you something.

What did I just do?

You took a cigar.

Without your permission?

Yeah.

I stole it.

But you didn't say anything.

Why?

What the hell?

I mean, it's just a cigar.

What does it cost?

A buck a piece?

Two bucks.

I stole two bucks from you.

You saw me do it, and you didn't

say anything.

Their guys will sit back, watch their oldest,

most trusted employee steal from them for years.

Won't say a thing.

Then they call in a private investigator.

But they still won't tell them anything because

they want the P.I. to take all

the blame.

So that's why I asked you.

Who's stealing from you?

I don't know.

Could be anybody.

It could be my shop foreman or that

no-good designer of mine.

Or a cutter, maybe.

Anybody.

Look, gloves aren't big.

You can stick them in your pocket or

in your lunch bucket.

What if it was your secretary?

No, couldn't be her.

Yeah, but what if it was?

Well, I'd throw her out on her ear.

Prosecute?

Yeah.

I'd prosecute.

I think that you and me can do

some business.

Gladys, is that no-good cutter back yet?

He's back.

Well, tell him I want to see him.

Right.

Come in.

You wanted to see me?

Where the hell have you been all day,

huh?

Out.

Stealing, actually.

Where?

You know Garson?

Yeah, he's got a studio on 3rd.

Yeah, well, a little while ago I took

him out and convinced him to drink his

lunch and then we went back there and

said goodbye and not before I got a

look at what was lying upside down on

top of his desk.

Paris, huh?

Right off the plane.

I did that sketch from memory.

Yeah, that's good.

It's real good.

How, uh, soon could you...

Final drawings this afternoon.

Patterns tomorrow.

Maybe the day after.

Anything else?

Oh, no, that's all, I guess.

Can I keep this?

Sure, it's all up here.

Dinner's ready, Ralph.

I gotta get back to the shop tonight.

Really?

Whenever for?

Gonna set me a trap.

I didn't know you had rats.

Yeah, I got rats.

Human rats.

Thieves.

Oh, yes.

How was he, your, uh, detective?

He was a real smart little guy.

How long will you be gone?

A couple hours.

Three, maybe.

Why?

I just wanted to know if I should

wait up for you.

Yeah.

Why don't you wait up for me, and

I'll tell you all about it when I

get home.

Me and him, we're gonna set a trap

tonight.

Tell me something.

How does this stuff work?

It's simple.

It's just a fine, luminous powder.

It's in suspension.

We coat the gloves with it.

If you get it on your hands, it

won't wash off, and it glows in the

dark.

Banks sometimes use this stuff on bait money

during the holdup.

Oh, yeah, yeah, I read about that.

So, uh, if the gloves are stolen tomorrow

or the next day, all we gotta do

is line up everybody in a dark room.

Guy with the shiny hands is your thief.

Is this stuff poisonous?

Harmless.

Absolutely harmless.

I thought you

were gonna wait up.

I must have dozed off.

Well, don't you want to hear what happened?

Oh, I'm dying to hear, but I can't

wait till tomorrow.

I think I'm getting a headache.

Went off like clockwork.

Just like clockwork.

Does that mean you caught your thief?

No.

We just bait the trap.

Tomorrow we'll catch him.

Tomorrow or the next day.

Really exciting.

Yeah, as a matter of fact, it is.

How's your headache?

Worse.

Well, maybe you ought to see a doctor.

Tomorrow.

I have an appointment at 2.

Clockwork.

Just like clockwork.

It happened.

What happened?

12 pairs of black kids were stolen.

When?

As near as Thompson can figure.

Just before noon.

They sold them on their lunch hour.

Well, that's what they probably did.

Is everybody here today?

Everybody.

I mean, now.

Well, everybody but Cotter.

He had a meeting at 2, but said

he'd be back by 4.

It's almost 3.

Get ahold of Semple.

Tell him to get right over here.

Have a cigar.

So, happened already, eh?

Little before noon.

So, what do we do now?

Depends.

On what?

Whether you want to make a big stink

about it, or whether you want to keep

it all in the QT.

What do you mean?

Well, you can hurt all your people in

here at once, turn off the light, and

then publicly accuse the one who's got the

hands that glow in the dark.

Some guys like to do it that way.

Of course, it's not much good for your

employees' morale.

No, I can see where it wouldn't.

What's the other way?

Bring them in here one by one, turn

off the lights, and see who's got the

shiny hands.

The ones that don't, go back to work

and lose what?

A couple of minutes off the job.

And the one with the shiny hands, the

thief?

In two minutes, he's out of your life

forever.

No muss, no fuss.

Yeah.

Yeah.

I like that better.

That's the way we'll do it.

What's going on, Mr. Stackpole?

Well, we're doing a little survey here, Joe,

and what I'd like you to do is

to hold your arms out in front of

you like this, with your palms up, and

you count to ten, huh?

One, two...

Should I keep on counting, Mr. Stackpole?

Yeah, Joe.

Three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine, ten.

Thanks, Joe.

That's all?

That's all.

How many we got left?

Well, that's everybody but two.

Which two?

Your secretary and Mr. Cotter.

Oh, well, you don't have to worry about

my secretary.

You don't, I...

No.

I once knew a guy something like you.

Sort of a cream puff.

He had a nice little business.

A lot of cash, in and out.

Only trouble was, he wasn't making any money.

He and his bookkeeper couldn't figure it out.

So they called me in, and I did

a number on everybody that worked for him.

Except for his bookkeeper, who he was kind

of sweet on.

And it was her, huh?

It was her.

She was 28, and kind of curvy, and,

uh, she took him for over $100,000.

Never could make himself believe it.

Not even after he got the postcard from

her from Acapulco, saying, thank you for a

lovely vacation.

Laris, come in here for a minute, will

you, please?

One, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight,

nine, ten.

I hope you're satisfied.

I have never been so humiliated in my

life.

No one suspected you for a second, Gladys.

Well, I should hope not.

Oh, Gladys, is that no good Cotter back

yet?

He just came in.

Tell him I want to see him, please.

This, uh, Cotter, what does he do?

He's my designer.

Well, he's the last one on the list.

What if it ain't him?

If it ain't him, friend, then you got

real trouble.

What's going on?

We're running a little check on everybody.

I'd like you to hold out your hands

like this and count to ten.

No.

What's that?

No, N-O, no.

Hit the lights!

Wait a minute, wait a minute, Stackpole.

What, are you hiring hoodlums now?

All right, so I took a couple of

pair.

What's the big deal?

You stole from me.

Want me to call the cops?

No, just get him out of here.

Out of the building and onto the street.

I'll send him a check on his stuff

later.

You're lucky, kid.

Out.

That detective is a genius.

I took him out to dinner.

You don't say.

We had them all come in one by

one, see, and then we snapped out the

lights and they all held their hands out

like this.

And everybody was clean but him.

There he was, standing there with that silly

smirk on his face.

Sounds...

really exciting.

Yeah.

Yeah, it was exciting at that.

And guess who the thief was.

Haven't a clue.

Cotter.

Who?

Cotter.

You know, that la-dee-dah designer of

mine.

You met him at the Christmas party.

Yes.

Mr. Cotter.

Yeah.

And you want to know something?

I sort of knew it was him all

along.

What did the doctor say?

Doctor?

Yeah, the doctor.

You said you were gonna see him today.

Did he give you anything for your headaches?

No.

He said I should just get a lot

of rest.

Doctors.