Original subtitles

It is

very seldom that a short storey writer is

able to make anything worthwhile out of an

incident that actually happened, but this storey is

one of the rare exceptions.

I myself met the Umbrella Man on a

street in New York City, and I followed

him, just as in this storey, and I

was delighted and amazed by what I found.

I must confess to you that I tried

the same experiment myself a few days later

to see if it really worked, and it

did.

I only hope that on the next rainy

day that comes along we won't have thousands

of you going out and doing the same

thing.

It would cause chaos in the land.

Sir, I want a room.

One night.

Right.

Oh, I'll sign the book, sir, would you,

uh, please?

Say, yes?

Do you have such a thing as a

list of the public houses in this town?

A what?

Public houses.

Inns.

Holsteries.

Bars.

Public houses.

Pubs.

A list.

Of those in the centre of your charming

little town.

Yes, a list.

It's only this.

That'll do nicely.

Roommate.

First floor.

Thank you.

Was there something else, sir?

Yes.

A porter.

A porter?

Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha.

No porter.

I say, you don't happen to know the

weather forecast, do you?

The what?

The weather.

The weather.

Tomorrow's weather.

No idea.

I don't care about the weather.

I'm stuck in here all day.

I hear you've had some heavy rains the

past few days.

I don't notice the weather.

Yes.

Heavy.

Very heavy.

In the east of the country, dry days

are special, providing a welcome change after the

recent heavy rain.

It may become cloudy towards evening, but for

the most part, the day will be dry

and sunny.

And that's the weather.

Damn.

Do you want a paper?

No.

Here is a special announcement.

We regret the A25 from Cambridge is running

approximately 15 minutes late.

Going to be 15 minutes late.

Again.

Hello, Arthur, Wendy.

Andrew.

You won't need that today, will you?

What?

Umbrella.

Better safe than sorry.

The forecast was dry and sunny.

It's the weather we've been having.

Can't be too careful.

Ridiculous.

Bake a bun?

No.

Would you like some coffee, dear?

No, thanks.

I'll just pass you to the buffet.

I don't want a cup, either, thanks.

Darling.

I love you.

I love you.

Oh, God.

Oh, Andrew.

When are we going to meet?

I mean, properly.

What about lunchtime today?

I've got the hairdressers at 11, but I

can be through by 1.

Damnation, I can't.

I've got a business lunch.

Oh, darling.

Do you think...

Does Arthur suspect?

Of course not.

He looks at me so strangely.

Does Jennifer suspect?

No.

She's more interested in her cats than she

is in me.

Oh, darling.

If only...

Ahem.

Ha!

Damn, sir.

What?

Bring an umbrella in weather like this.

You're wet.

That's your job, Andrew.

You're wet, old son.

Ha!

Morning.

Thank you.

Is that it?

Yeah.

Where's the nearest church?

The what?

Church.

Place of worship.

House of God.

Temple.

Chapel.

Church.

What denomination?

Any denomination.

Straight down the road.

Turn right.

I can't get four across.

I'll do what.

I'll see if your wife can help.

I'm no good at crosswords.

Have a look.

You'll know.

Tricky.

Want me to tell you?

No, I'll go on struggling.

The answer is mistrust.

Ah, it's coming in.

What train are you coming back on?

I don't know.

The 520.

I thought you said the 520.

I'll try to be on it.

The 520.

So sorry.

Nearly forgot.

I do

hope you'll excuse me.

Yes?

I wonder if I could ask a small

favour.

Only a very small favour.

What do you want?

Well, as a matter of fact I've got

myself into a bit of a scrape and

I need some help.

Not much, I assure you.

It's almost nothing in fact but I do

need it.

I haven't got any money.

You see madam, old people like me often

become terribly forgetful.

I'm sorry but I don't give for beggars.

Madam, I assure you I'm not a beggar.

Do I look like a beggar?

I beg you to believe madam that I

am not in the habit of stopping young

ladies in the street and telling them my

troubles.

I suppose not.

You see, I've never forgotten it before.

You've never forgotten what before?

My wallet.

Please go away.

I shall call the police.

Allow me to explain.

Do me the courtesy.

You see, I left my wallet in my

other jacket.

Now isn't that the silliest thing to do?

I have told you I am not going

to give you any money so there is

no use asking me for money.

No, I'm not asking for money.

Good gracious, heaven forbid I should ever do

such a thing.

Then why are you asking?

Allow me to explain.

Now, when I first saw you taking cover

I said to myself what an attractive woman.

Fresh from the hairdresser no doubt.

Smart, elegant with a kindly not to say

considerate face.

And yet...

And yet what?

Well you'll forgive me saying this I know

but I couldn't help feeling that you are

possessed of a certain sadness.

Sadness?

I mean I'm probably quite wrong.

No, no.

No, no, go on.

Well, I saw in your eyes a lost

fatherly look that hinted at pain.

Forgive an old man's impertinence but you seemed

to me so terribly terribly touchy.

Did I?

Yes.

And so I thought that you were the

one person to approach because my dilemma might

in turn be of some help however small

to you.

How do you mean?

I wish to offer this umbrella of mine

to protect you.

Go on Fred.

Madam I don't wish to encroach or pry

on your private affairs but if as I

suspect at this moment you are suffering from

some unrequited love a longing, an ache then

I can think of nothing worse than to

endure such suffering of the heart in the

pouring rain.

It is depressing.

All I ask in return is five pounds

for my taxi fare home.

You are asking me for money.

Madam I am not without means.

I think I told you I left my

wallet in the other jacket.

Now if I'm to get this weary old

body home I need the taxi fare.

And all I can offer in return is

my umbrella.

And I believe I may be of some

service to you as an avid walker.

If you had no money in the first

place then how did you get here?

I walked.

Every day I go for a lovely long

walk and then I summon a taxi to

take me home.

I do it every day of the year

come rain or shine.

Then why don't you walk home now?

I wish I could.

I really wish I could but I don't

think I would make it on these silly

old legs of mine.

I've gone far too far already.

It's um It's a lovely umbrella.

Yes.

It's um It's silk.

I can see it is.

Then why don't you take it?

I mean it cost me over twenty pounds

and that was several years ago but that's

of no importance as long as I can

get home.

I don't think it's right that I should

pay you five pounds for a silk umbrella

that cost you over twenty.

Just take the taxi fare and be done

with it.

I wouldn't dream of taking money from you.

Take the umbrella dear lady.

Keep the rain off your beautiful hair and

let your spirit be chilled just a little.

How does it show so clearly?

Just a look in your eye.

Just one more thing.

Remember this.

No man is worth the tears of a

beautiful woman.

Good day ma'am.

Music Music

Well well well well.

What?

what?

I thought to myself as I was trying

to find a taxi and getting soaked in

the skin I thought to myself Andrew will

be all right.

Andrew brought his umbrella.

it was stolen.

stolen?

yeah.

well I was lunching in a pub.

I got back to the office several of

my colleagues have had theirs stolen too.

I went round to the police station to

report it.

they had several complaints.

damned odd.

damned annoying.

well Wendy you'll be furious.

why?

you had a hair down today.

probably looks like a drowned rat by now.

drowned rat indeed.

don't worry Arthur I didn't buy a new

one.

no a most extraordinary thing happened.

a man dear kind old man asked me

if I would buy his umbrella.

swine.

I beg your pardon.

your umbrella was stolen.

you're a liar.

swine.

what on earth are you talking about?

I'm talking about you and Wendy.

you met at lunchtime didn't you?

you gave me your umbrella.

you met at lunchtime and then you invented

some cock and bull storey about theft in

the police.

come on.

what a fool I've been.

you think I'm blind?

Arthur stop this at once.

secret looks and whisperings to size.

you met at lunchtime for God knows what

reason and he gave you his umbrella.

this is rubbish nonsense absolute madness.

in the first place there isn't my umbrella.

don't lie to me.

you can lie in court.

court?

what do you mean court?

I'll name you as correspondent.

Arthur for God's sake.

you're behaving like a maniac.

this umbrella was sold to me.

I don't want to hear any more lies.

you just listen to her.

shut up!

I know you're in love with her.

I am not in love with her.

I'm a happily married man.

happily married man?

I am.

I don't give a fig for you.

you may not give a fig but you

gave her your umbrella.

I can prove I didn't.

this is absolute madness.

come with me now to the police station.

I demand you come with me to the

police station.

you accuse me of treachery.

you threaten me with divorce proceedings.

umbrellas.

could be.

we have pulled in a man.

a well-known con merchant known as the

major, the commander, the rural Dean and even

chief inspector.

I hadn't connected him with the umbrellas.

an umbrella man.

he's come down in the world.

we'd need you to identify him madam.

well of course you'd identify him.

it's a great deal at stake.

people's happiness depends on this inspector.

we'll chummy in will you?

better be the man.

otherwise happiness won't be a word much use

around these parts.

well madam is this the man who sold

you the umbrella?

no I've never seen him before.

so I wanted to hear.

both be hearing for my solicitor in the

morning.

how could you Wendy?

this is the man isn't it?

how could you?

how could you?

no man is worth the tears of a

beautiful woman.

on your way then are you sir?

yes off to Manchester I think.

Manchester?

always rains in Manchester.

yes yes I know.