Original subtitles

A very

long time ago, when I was 20, I

was working for a large company out in

East Africa in Dar es Salaam, and one

morning, while I was shaving in the bathroom,

I happened to glance out of the window

at the gardener who was raking the gravel

on the driveway down below.

Behind him, right at that moment, I saw

a black mamba, six feet long, moving over

the gravel toward him.

Look out, Ndisho, I yelled.

Behind you, a snake.

He swung round.

Too late.

The mamba bit him on the ankle.

I got him to hospital in ten minutes,

but he died that day.

The krait, K-R-A-I-T, is

another of the killer snakes, and this one

is almost more frightening than the mamba because

he is so tiny, he looks like a

twig on the ground.

This storey is about a krait.

Better than the whole world is our India.

Harry Pope was on the waggon, and doing

very well.

He hadn't touched a drop for three weeks.

He'd just been asked by cable from his

boss in Melbourne a very serious question.

In accordance with the revised policy, which jobs

in his English teaching department could now be

Indianised, that is handed over to trained Bengali

teachers.

Harry had cable back immediately with just one

word, mine.

He hated India.

Cutting out the drink was all part of

the plan for a new, rejuvenated Harry Pope,

vital, dynamic, and posted home at last.

It's matching gales, and our garden is India.

Hard on the way!

Come on, Timber.

Come on.

Yeah!

All right, Sandra?

Why not?

Tell Bobby Timberwoods is taking me home.

Tell me, why'd they call you Timber?

Because my name is Woods.

I'm so glad you won.

How's Harry?

Don't worry, he'll be fast asleep.

I thought you were taking me home, darling.

I am, by way of the bungalow, darling.

You bachelors, so wild.

Not a care in the world.

So Harry's going home to England, then?

Mm-hmm.

Changed man.

Hasn't touched a drink for three weeks.

Resisting temptation.

Unlike some, I'm glad to say.

He's still up.

You said he'd be asleep.

Shh.

He needs to do all the housework.

It's awkward.

Don't worry.

Timber.

What about a nice drink?

Lovely.

Good.

Timber.

Timber.

Shh.

Did you hear something?

No, no.

Listen.

Timber.

Sounds ill.

Don't say he's gone back to the bottle.

Oh, darling, take no notice.

Wait a minute.

Timber, come here.

Quiet.

Timber, for God's sake.

Sounds bad.

Shh.

You haven't been drinking, have you?

Shh.

What's up?

You look terrible.

Don't move.

Take your shoes off.

Oh, I get it.

Take your shoes off.

You must move.

Timber?

Move slowly.

How long are you going to be?

Who's that?

Sandra.

Oh, great.

Tell him who I am.

Please.

I suppose he's drunk again.

Not so loud.

Just look at him.

I am.

Awful.

Like Bobby after squash.

Right, Harry.

Now, what is the problem?

It's a krait.

A krait?

A what?

A krait.

Snake.

I know that.

Where, Harry?

Where did it bite you?

How long ago?

Come on, Harry.

We've got to be quick.

Don't move.

It's on my stomach.

I haven't been bitten.

Not yet.

It's on your stomach.

They like the warmth.

I've been waiting for you.

How long?

Hours.

Bloody hours.

I can't keep still much longer.

I'm wanting to cough.

All right, Harry.

Just hold on.

We'll go now.

Take your shoes off.

Get some ice out of there.

A real boy scout.

What is the matter with you?

Can't you guess?

For heaven's sake.

Bloody stupid thing.

You can do something for a krait bite.

Two little cats suck out the poison.

You may believe they're fatal.

Well, what do you suggest?

You need a doctor, of course.

Sandra, you're brilliant.

I'll ring Dr. Kunzru.

No.

Why not?

Because he knows me.

He'll see me and he'll tell my husband.

Well, you'd better go then, hadn't you?

Before he comes.

How?

I can't walk.

Oh, hell.

Take that through and put it on his

forehead.

We've got the doctor coming, Harry.

Dr. Kunzru.

Lord!

For God's sake, can't you even?

I'm doing my best.

Dr. Kunzru?

Timberwoods.

It's an emergency.

Yes, Harry.

Harry Pope.

A krait.

No, he hasn't been bitten yet.

Timber says I'm to put this on your

forehead.

No.

Nothing.

Please.

Yes, yes.

It's on his stomach.

Yes, good.

Fine.

Right.

He's on his way.

He says he doesn't want the ice.

Come on, Harry, it'll do you good.

No.

It'll cool you down.

Don't move.

Don't.

I need a drink.

I'm not a bloody night nurse.

Never was and never will be.

Sorry about that.

She's not much help.

I could carefully lift the net.

Pull back the sheet.

I wouldn't disturb it.

I promise you.

Don't be a damn fool.

The light would frighten it.

It's dark under there now.

Timber?

I'll get rid of it.

Just hold on.

The doctor's coming soon.

Darling, you need a drink.

I don't.

And nor do you.

That's what you think.

I need something.

Oh, look what I've done.

Oh, God, I'm such a mess.

Thank God the doctor's here.

Don't forget, he mustn't see me.

For God's sake, Sandra.

I am not here.

Bloody well, stay here.

Doctor.

Has he been bitten yet?

No.

Good, then there's hope.

Don't worry, Mr. Pope.

There is plenty that can be done.

It is quite a simple matter.

But don't reply to me or look at

visions.

We win.

Yes.

We master fate.

An excellent

fellow.

With the serum, Mr. Pope, you're all right.

Even if you are bitten.

But don't move.

Give it time to work.

No movement yet.

I'll be back in just two ticks.

We don't care yet.

No, no.

The kitchen.

But the serum must give some protection, surely?

Yes, it might.

It might not.

You mean your serum is no bloody good?

Mr. Woods, the krait is possibly the most

poisonous snake in the world.

And there it lies on his stomach.

If it bites him there, it goes straight

to his bloodstream.

We must try and think of something else.

Why, we pull the sheet back fast and...

No, no, no, no.

It is not a matter to be gone

into a hurry.

Well, we must do something.

I mean, he's been lying there for hours.

Paper.

A piece of paper.

Yes.

To make a funnel, you know.

Fine.

We introduce an anaesthetic to the creature where

it lies.

Splendid.

An excellent idea.

No, but it's not such a splendid idea

because, as you know, a snake is a

cold-blooded animal and it won't work quickly

enough.

Chloroform, Will.

Chloroform.

And you have chloroform?

Yes, in my bag.

So you get the paper, OK?

And the paperclips.

Good.

Fine.

Paper.

Paper.

Oh, look.

Bob, you'll be going crazy.

It's possible.

Soon, soon.

Please, write me a letter.

You don't give a damn.

Of course I do.

Oh, please, Tim, please.

Later, for God's sake.

Mr. Woods is making a funnel.

And then, very carefully, we will pour chloroform.

Chloroform.

Now, it will feel very cold, of course,

at first, because I'm intending to soak the

sheet.

More speed, less haste, Mr. Pope.

Right.

Mr. Woods, you will have to pour because

I need both hands.

In the bag, the bottle with the red

label.

Yes.

Pour slowly at first.

Yes.

Now, breathe very lightly, Mr. Pope.

We wish to asphyxiate the snake, not yourself.

More.

It feels very cold, yes?

Good.

Good.

Soon, we send this creature absolutely to sleep.

Well done, well done.

Now, we just...

Three minutes, so far.

OK.

Don't move, Mr. Pope.

Where?

We must be careful.

It could be anywhere.

It could have gone inside his pyjamas.

Stay still.

It's not there.

At last.

It's gone.

It's bloody gone.

Are you certain you saw it, Mr. Pope?

Yes, under the sheet.

I felt it.

It's gone.

It's a miracle.

You didn't dream it, Mr. Pope?

You're calling me a liar.

Harry, for God's sake.

You dirty little sewer curvature.

Take it easy, Harry.

You bloody failed MD Calcutta.

That's quite enough.

Tell me in your native bloody wisdom that

I imagined it, or drank it, or drank

too much.

I'm afraid there's been a bit of a

mix-up.

Well, good night to you both.

Excuse me.

Doctor, there's something I must explain.

Please don't.

Mr. Pope has made himself quite clear.

I thought I'd left my keys here.

Perhaps in the car.

Yes, I came so quickly.

My car!

It's gone!

Exactly, that's what I was going to say.

I can't pull out my car.

It's my lifeblood.

Don't worry.

I know where it is.

I'll drive you.

Doctor, I must apologise for Harry.

You did an excellent job.

Thank you.

Thank you.

And I'm not a failed MD.

Just one.

You deserve it.

Just the one.

For the shock.

Just one.

Ah!

Ah!