Original subtitles

I personally think this storey is funny, but

if your sense of humour doesn't happen to

be the same as mine, then I'm afraid

you're going to be a bit disturbed by

what goes on.

And by the way, if any of you

are tempted to think it's all pretty far

fetched, then you should stop and think and

ask yourself seriously whether such a thing as

this could really happen.

The answer is yes, of course it could.

Even to you.

Billy Weaver was travelling down from London on

a slow afternoon train with a change at

Swindon on the way.

Sorry.

Not at all.

Excuse me.

Do you know Bath?

Certainly.

You, I take it, do not?

No.

This is my first visit.

Vacation?

No.

I've been assigned to our branch office.

You make yourself sound like a parcel.

Mr. Greenslade, he's our personnel manager at head

office in London.

He says, well, he says I'll profit from

the experience.

I sincerely hope you do.

What line of business are you in?

Insurance.

All risks.

I suppose I could say the same.

Bath is

the most beautiful city.

You'll like it, I'm sure.

One sometimes feels time has stopped in Bath.

My bunny lies over the ocean.

Oh, bring back my bunny to me.

Goodness me, it winds like a knife.

Goodbye.

Goodbye.

You could try the Bell and Dragon, straight

down the road about a quarter of a

mile.

They might take you.

You can't miss it.

A.A. recommends.

Right, thanks.

But if they're full, there are plenty of

B&Bs in Bath, and much cheaper, of

course.

B&Bs?

Bed and breakfast.

Landladies, kippers, roller towels.

Good luck.

God bless.

Bye-bye.

Be here soon.

I can feel it.

Silly boy.

You've made up your mind, really.

You know you have.

Please come in.

I haven't taken my finger off the bell.

Do come in.

It's so cold out, isn't it?

Yes, but...

You saw the notice in the window.

Yes, yes I did.

I knew you would.

Knew?

That's why I put it there.

You need a room.

Well, yes, as a matter of fact.

It's all ready for you, my dear.

But I was going to the Bell and

Dragon.

They're full.

Full?

They always telephone me when they are.

We have a little joke about it.

I'm their overflow, a sort of annex to

the official hotel.

Do come out of the cold.

Yes, thank you.

Thank you.

Oh, excuse my asking, but...

Four pounds.

You won't find anywhere more reasonable.

And that includes an egg for breakfast.

Oh.

Well, that's fantastic.

The Bell and Dragon charges more than double.

But they're full anyway.

Exactly.

Salesmen.

What we used to call commercial travellers.

I never take that sort of person.

Do come in.

I always put up the chain at night.

Safer.

Welcome home, dear.

Home?

I tell all my guests that to treat

my house as home.

Home from home, dear.

Oh, do put your hat there.

Thank you.

Let me help you with your coat.

Thank you very much.

I expect you are from London, aren't you?

That's right, yes.

You find Bath so much more restful.

Shall I lead the way?

Oh, please.

We have the house all to ourselves.

The fact is, I'm just a teeny-weeny

bit choosy.

Particular, if you see what I mean.

But I'm always ready.

Be prepared, as we used to say in

the Girl Guides.

Everything's always ready here.

Just on the off chance that an acceptable

young gentleman should come along.

And it's such a pleasure when I do

happen to open the door and see someone

standing there who's just exactly right.

Like you, dear.

This floor's mine.

I shouldn't rely on that, dear.

It stopped ages ago.

I see.

Quite.

Do you intend to work in Bath?

Yes, I've been sent down to our branch

office.

What for?

Oh, no.

After you, dear.

It's your room.

Thank you.

Oh.

It's super.

It's very nice.

I'm so glad you like it, dear.

The morning sun comes right in the window,

Mr Perkins.

It is Mr Perkins, isn't it?

No.

No, it's Weaver, as a matter of fact.

William Weaver.

Of course, Mr Weaver.

How silly of me.

Weaver.

Such a nice, reliable name, too.

I've put a hot water bottle in your

bed.

It's such a comfort, don't you think, to

find a hot water bottle in a strange

bed?

And do light the gas fire at any

time if you feel chilly.

Thank you.

That's very kind.

I'm so glad you materialised.

I was beginning to get worried in case

my inner voice had let me down.

Inner voice?

Intuition, dear.

But then, just as I thought it had

got too late, there you were.

Now, how about supper?

Oh, I'm not hungry, thank you.

I had some sandwiches on the train.

My mother made them.

Ham and watercress.

Oh, nice.

Plenty of iron in watercress.

Good for the blood.

Sir, I think I'll just go straight to

bed, as I've got to get up rather

early tomorrow, you see.

So's to report to the office.

Of course, dear.

Oh, uh, the you-know-where is at

the end of the passage.

Well, I'll leave you to unpack, but before

you go to bed, would you be so

kind as to pop downstairs and sign the

guest book on the piano?

Everyone has to.

It's the law of the land, and we

don't want to go breaking the law, do

we?

And remember, there's no barking when he comes

down.

Dear Mum and Dad, Just a quick newsflash

to say I've arrived in one piece.

Good lodgings with a nice landlady.

A bit crazy, but okay.

Sort of everyone's favourite aunt.

Very cosy.

Don't let my awful sisters drag you down.

Joke.

Love.

Billy.

I'm so glad you remembered the book.

That's funny.

These names.

Gregory Temple and Christopher Mulholland.

They're both such charming boys.

They sound sort of familiar.

Do they?

Hmm.

I'm sure I've heard of them somewhere before.

Really?

What fun.

Was it in the papers?

Oh, I shouldn't have thought so, dear.

Perhaps they're famous.

Footballers or pop stars.

Famous?

No.

They were extraordinarily handsome.

And the dates.

This entry's over two years old.

And Christopher Mulholland's is nearly a year before

that.

July 75.

How time does fly, Mr Wilkins.

Weaver.

W-E-A-V-E-R.

Silly me.

I do apologise.

In one ear, out the other.

That's me.

Weaver.

Mr Weaver.

Weaver.

I must cement it in my mind.

It's kind of peculiar.

You see, Mulholland and Temple sort of connect.

You know, go together in my mind like,

um...

Laurel and Hardy, you know?

I don't, dear.

Your tea's poured out.

Oh, you shouldn't have bothered.

I...

It was no trouble.

Do come and sit down.

That's right.

By me, dear.

Um...

Oh!

What I mean is, it...

Oh, it's stupid.

It's on the tip of me tongue.

Now, when have I heard those two names

before?

Got it!

Mulholland!

Sugar?

He was on a walking tour of the

West Country.

And he...

Oh, three lumps, please.

He was a schoolboy at Eton...

Oh, no, dear.

That can't be right.

My Mr Mulholland was at Cambridge.

He was an undergraduate.

Biscuit?

Yes, please.

How cosy.

The fire isn't too hot for you, is

it?

Oh, no, no.

I do hope you like China tea.

It's very nice.

Dear Mr Mulholland, such a one for his

tea.

I never saw anyone drink so much tea.

Has he stayed with you recently?

Sweet boy.

I know I saw him.

I know his name in the papers.

Oh!

Oh, my!

I like a ginger biscuit to be crisp.

Mr Mulholland is staying here now.

And Mr Temple.

They're both still with me.

Oh?

Will I meet them?

D.V., as we say.

God willing, dear.

Oh!

How old are you, Mr...

Mr...

Don't tell me!

Wheel...

Weaver!

There!

Oh, what a relief.

Yes.

18.

I'm 18.

18.

Oh, it's the perfect age.

Mr Mulholland was 17 when he first stayed

with me.

He can't have...

He can't have been.

He was.

But you can't go to Cambridge when you're

17.

You can if you're clever, dear.

He was terribly clever.

A scholar.

Very studious.

He was a trifle shorter than you.

And his teeth weren't quite so white as

yours.

You had the most beautiful teeth, Mr Weaver.

My dad calls them my whited sepulchres.

You should see the fillings at the back.

Mr Temple was rather older.

28, in fact.

But I'd never have believed him if he

hadn't told me.

He hadn't a blemish on his body.

A what?

His skin was just like a baby's.

More tea?

No, thanks.

That parrot...

When I first saw it...

You thought he was alive?

Yes.

Alas, no.

Poor Sinbad.

Can I look?

Of course, dear.

Pretty boy!

Sinbad always said that.

So full of himself.

It's amazingly clever.

Who did it?

It doesn't look dead at all.

I know.

I did it, dear.

You did?

Yes.

Oh, excuse me.

I do feel...

This room does get very warm.

Have you met Basil?

That's why he didn't bark when I came

in.

Basil was a terrible barker.

Oh.

He feels hard.

Must be awfully difficult to do a thing

like that.

On the contrary, no.

Not a creature one has loved.

That way one can go on loving him

forever and ever and ever.

Oh.

I'm sorry, I must sit down.

You did sign the book, didn't you?

Yes.

Good.

More tea?

No, thank you.

I stuff all my little pets when they

pass away.

I'm glad you remember the book.

Because later, if I forget, and you know

now what a one I am for forgetting,

I can always pop down and look it

up.

I still do that every day with Mr

Mulholland and Mr...

Mr...

Oh, there.

Gone again.

Temple.

Oh.

I remember now.

They were in the place.

I read...

Bedtime, dear.

Up we go.

Nearly there.

That's a good boy.

In we go.

The tea tasted bitter.

Quite, dear, exactly.

To help you sleep.

No.

Here.

I must breathe.

The place where you was bared, Billy.

Did you...

Did you undress me?

Of course, dear.

And believe me, you're just as handsome as

the others.

No need to bluff.

You're beautiful.

Sleep tight, Mr Wilkins.

Still reading, Mr Mulholland?

Can't you see that Mr Temple wants to

sleep?

Night's out,

boys.