Original subtitles

Downloaded from YTS.MX

[laughter]

Official YIFY movies site: YTS.MX

[woman] Light another one.

I feel sexy.

[woman giggles]

[man 1] Shh. I spook easily.

Oh, Christ, who dropped the chicken?

I would have eaten that.

[man 2] Yeah.

It was foul.

[all laugh]

[man 1] The fowl was foul?

Oh, shit. The fowl was foul.

And the fair was fair.

-The fowl is fair. -The fair is foul.

My ass hurts.

I don'’t think that one works.

[all giggle]

-She'’s having a spell. -[man 1] God, so dramatic.

[no audio]

[no audio]

[indistinct chatter]

[Doug] ...The tip of that mountain

is going to go right into a customer'’s mouth

and make him happy.

Pat, Pat.

Okay, let'’s try it again,

but follow through this time

with that pretty little wrist of yours.

Well, let'’s hope 13'’s a charm.

Spin and pump. Spin and pump.

Yes.

Now that is a honey of a cone.

Mr. McBeth.

Come out here and get a look at your wife'’s beautiful cones.

I'’m so proud of you.

I love your cones, baby.

[all grunt]

[marching band playing]

[spectators shouting and cheering]

Norm Duncan. Is that you?

Come down to visit the little people, huh?

Hi, Joan. I'’ll just take a hot cocoa.

Oh. Coming right up.

Damn this cocoa. Damn this cocoa!

We'’re out of cocoa, Norm.

[Malcolm] Scotland sucks!

[Norm] Malcolm!

What are you doing here?

Just watching Donald'’s team getting their ass kicked.

Excuse me, Joan.

Why aren'’t you at the restaurant?

You'’re supposed to be working.

Doug said I could split. Place was dead.

[Norm] I specifically told Douglas

-to keep you on today. -Dad, there were no customers.

I'’m gonna need you and your brother to go there with me

after the game-- You hear me, Malcolm?

Oh, that young man'’s just crying out for a new mama.

[sizzling]

[laughs]

[door chime jingles]

How are you doing?

Malcolm, go help Douglas at the counter.

And, Donald, just bus some trays.

[whispering] Check this out.

Uh-oh.

Doug?

Oh.

Doug!

[door chime jingles]

[applause]

♪ Walking down this rocky road ♪

♪ Wondering where my life Is leading ♪

[Pat] That is complete bullshit, Mac,

and you know it.

You just don'’t give a rat'’s ass.

-I give a rat'’s ass. -No, you don'’t.

I give a rat'’s-- Hey, Jimmy McMann.

We'’re kind of in the middle of something here.

You know, I was just saying to my Helen the other night

what a looker that Pat McBeth is.

Well, that must'’ve went over well.

Hey, Jimmy, you know,

if you could go up to the bar, buy us a couple more beers,

bring them back here and then walk away,

that would be a little slice of heaven.

Jesus, Pat, the guy was just a little drunk.

-And you sit doing nothing. -What am I supposed to do?

You don'’t get it, Mac. You don'’t get it.

I spend eight hours a day

kissing up to that supreme moron, Douglas McFuck,

following his order to say "Have a nice day"

to every customer.

-Every fucking customer. -I know!

You know, you'’re the one running that place,

and we live in a truck.

We'’re just lucky we know the goddamn bartender.

How do you think I feel?

Look, Pat, I am going to talk to Duncan, you know?

-But I'’m waiting-- -Mac, I'’m going to go home.

I'’m tired.

Besides, I heard this story before. It kind of bores me.

And don'’t get in Banko'’s truck.

He can'’t form a fucking sentence.

What'’s wrong with Pat?

We had a little fight.

About Doug.

Who'’s Doug?

Jesus, Banko. Doug.

Fucking Doug McKenna, our manager.

Probably a little confusing for you,

because I'’m usually doing his job.

[sighs] And he never gets caught.

What?

He never gets caught.

Banko, do you think you'’re still having

your conversation at the bar?

Because now you'’re at a table, see?

And we have to start our own conversation.

A new one.

I'’m just saying he never gets caught stealing.

You'’ve seen Doug steal?

Yeah, all the time.

He steals money.

Of course.

[country music playing]

-[song stops] -[record needle scratches]

[bluesy rock music plays]

Tell me everything.

♪ A company ♪

♪ Always on the run ♪

[engine starts]

♪ Destiny ♪

♪ Oh, it'’s the rising sun ♪

♪ I was born ♪

Good night, Banko.

[Banko mumbles]

♪ Behind the gun ♪

♪ I'’ll make my final stand ♪

♪ Yeah ♪

♪ That'’s why they call me ♪

[thunder crashes]

♪ Bad company ♪

♪ I can'’t deny ♪

♪ Bad company ♪

♪ Till the day I die ♪

-Mac? -Yeah.

-Beth? -Mac.

[Jesse] Beth.

[Hector] Mac. Fleetwood.

-Mac... -...ramé.

[gasps] I love macramé.

Sí. Sí.

-You know, I made you something. -Really?

Yeah, it'’s a little macramé...

-[Hector] What? -[Jesse] ...thing.

Hey, Mac.

Would you like some wacky tobaccy...

Macky?

No, I'’m pretty drunk already.

Really? You don'’t seem drunk.

[Hector] Next time you should go home with the wife, Mac.

[Jesse] Or any loved one.

Love the one you'’re with.

Love the one you'’re with.

Are you guys together?

-[both] Ha! -He wishes.

No, our girlfriend'’s here.

Come on, she wants to tell your fortune.

-How did you know my name? -Wait, your name really is Mac?

That'’s weird. I thought we were just saying it like you say it.

Like, Yeah, "Watch your step, Mac."

-Or, "Up Yours, Mac." -Or, "Fuck off, Mac."

-I can'’t think of another one. -Oh, that'’s all right.

Here we are.

-Hi, Mac. -[door closes]

Sit down.

Sit down.

[Mac] All right.

[Jesse] Anthony!

-Anthony! -[giggles]

-[both] Anthony! -I'’m going to go home.

You know why? Because this is a little weird.

[in man'’s voice] Sit down, Mac!

You haven'’t been very happy, have you, Mac?

[in normal voice] Failure'’s cute in your twenties, isn'’t it?

Even though you ain'’t got money,

she'’s so in love with you, honey.

[inhales sharply]

[sighs]

[hiccups]

[in man'’s voice] Not so cute in your thirties.

[in normal voice] Now honey wants the money.

And there'’s no reason to stop now.

Screw management. You can do better.

Don'’t you think you deserve better?

Don'’t you think she deserves better?

Yeah.

-What is this? -[Stacy] Shh! I see a bank.

A Spanish bank?

El Banko.

You mean Banko?

He'’s not a...not a bank.

He'’s a friend of mine.

Anthony Bankoni.

Banko.

-Anthony! -Anthony!

[blows]

-Anthony! -Anthony!

-Sounds Italian. -[Stacy] Wait.

It'’s not a bank.

It'’s a restaurant with an intercom.

Interesting.

It fooled me, because it looks like a bank

with a drive-thru teller.

[in man'’s voice] For food?

How convenient.

But can you still make deposits?

What are you talking about?

[gasps] Sorry. Time'’s up for today, Mac.

-Huh? -Can'’t be late for my 3:00.

In the morning?

♪ Baby ♪

♪ When I think about you ♪

♪ I think about love ♪

[whispering] Jesus.

♪ Darling ♪

[Norm] As far as I'’m concerned, Malcolm,

we finished this conversation a long time ago.

No, Dad, we didn'’t. You did. You began it.

You said a lot of unreasonable stuff in the middle of it

then you fucking ended it.

You will not talk to me like that.

What, you'’re actually listening to me?

What is that supposed to mean?

You don'’t listen to either one of us.

Did you know Donald doesn'’t like football?

He only plays because you make him.

Of course he likes football. All young men like football.

♪ I learned the truth at 17 ♪

♪ That love was meant For beauty queens ♪

♪ And high school girls ♪

♪ With clear-skinned smiles ♪

♪ Who married young And then retired ♪

[Malcolm] I don'’t want to take over your restaurant, Dad.

I'’m in a great band, and we rock.

For Pete'’s sakes, I don'’t even know what that means.

What am I supposed to say to people?

Malcolm'’s not here, he'’s out rocking?

I mean, you sound like Scotland trash.

[Malcolm] Why don'’t you just sell the place?

All you do is sit in the back all day and sleep.

I sleep because I am tired from working, young man.

Which I happen to be late for right now

because of this nonsense.

Now you'’re on schedule for 5:00.

We can finish this then.

And I'’m not going to say this again:

hairnet or haircut.

-[volume turned up] -♪ Feel like making... ♪

-[Pat] Doug steals every day? -[Mac] That'’s what Banko says.

He just fills his pockets with order slips and cash.

Fucking Banko. That is a fucking miracle.

Why didn'’t he say anything?

Well, he didn'’t want to rat.

You want to play new manager and bad counter girl?

Oh!

[Pat] You wanted to see me, Mr. McBeth?

♪ Well, I feel like Making love ♪

[turns volume up]

[turns volume up]

♪ Well, I feel like Making love ♪

[mellow song turned off]

♪ ...feel like making love ♪

Ha, ha.

I hate him.

-No, you don'’t. -No, I do.

I wish he was dead.

Malcolm...

He just drives me nuts, that'’s all.

["Shooting Star" plays]

[laughs]

Rock block.

♪ Johnny was a schoolboy... ♪

[groans]

Rock block.

[both moan]

♪ And from then it didn'’t Take him long ♪

[laughing]

♪ Got himself a guitar ♪

♪ Used to play every night ♪

♪ Now he'’s in A rock '’n'’ roll outfit ♪

♪ And everything'’s all right ♪

♪ Don'’t you know ♪

What happened?

[coins clatter]

[door chime jingles]

Pat, I'’m so embarrassed in front of you.

I know that you'’re really the only person

that really cared about me.

What-- What is it?

Oh.

I was just thinking how I'’ve never...

heard anyone say something so...

wrong.

If I were you... Let me get that for you.

...I would take pride in the fact

that I could actually dress myself on a daily basis.

You are one dumb fuck, Douglas.

[chimes jingle]

[inaudible]

[Norm] Can you believe we never did this before?

That it took this tragic incident.

I realized today that you have been making

some wonderful suggestions that I really haven'’t appreciated.

I'’m ready to get serious about your traveling french fry truck.

And his little chicken pieces with the dipping sauce?

Well, let'’s not get crazy now.

I am in the business to make money, little lady.

Tonight, you two are going to witness history.

I know what people say.

Well, they think, you know, that I'’m crazy,

selling all my doughnut shops.

They think that I can'’t--

They think that I can'’t run a burger place.

-Oh, no. -No. They don'’t. No.

They don'’t.

I'’m going to let you both in on a secret.

No one knows.

No one.

Follow me.

Isn'’t that exciting?

What is it?

A blueprint.

I made it myself.

-Did you really? -Yeah.

Come on. Come on.

This is perfect.

Hey there, mister, now wait a minute.

You are not going to let your poor exhausted wife

drive home after such an awful day at work?

No, I'’m not.

[laughs] Oh.

[Pat clears throat]

Now that'’s perfect.

Hey there, hands on the wheel, you reckless driver.

All right, now...

[clears throat]

It'’s 5:00. You'’re both tired.

[yawns]

[yawning]

You'’re discussing what you should do for dinner.

Mac, what should we do for dinner?

-I don'’t know. -Well...

you don'’t feel like cooking tonight.

You'’re too tired.

I don'’t feel like cooking tonight.

I'’m too tired.

And I...

-I don'’t feel like eating out. -...don'’t feel like eating.

Now, you could get takeout,

but the lines are always so long, and it'’s so hot,

I don'’t even feel like getting out of the car.

You got a long one there.

We...we could get takeout,

but the lines are always so long and it'’s so hot,

I don'’t even feel like getting out of the car.

That'’s very good, Patsy.

Thank you.

Well, why don'’t we drive-thru?

Drive through what?

All right now,

you'’re on your way to your favorite restaurant, Duncan'’s.

And you pull in,

but you keep on going around to the back, because...

Whoa, whoa! What'’s this?

Well, there'’s a little booth back there,

and it'’s connected to the restaurant.

It'’s got a big window on it.

And you roll down your car window,

and you give somebody your order right from your car.

Window to window.

They turn around, give it to the kitchen.

Pay your money, get your food, you'’re on your way.

The fastest takeout in town. In the country. In the world.

Duncan'’s, home of the world famous drive-thru.

You don'’t need a booth.

What'’s that?

[Mac] You don'’t need the booth in the back.

You use an intercom.

The customer drives up,

talks into a speaker that'’s connected inside the restaurant.

It'’s faster. It'’s more efficient.

-Mac. -An intercom?

It'’s the future, Norm.

Huh.

Mac'’s intercom idea.

Oh, my God, I'’m going to be rolling in it!

Hey, this calls for some more Riunite.

And I know where there'’s one more bottle.

Oh, I can'’t stand it anymore. The wine can wait.

Hey, Mac, I'’m proud to announce...

that after today'’s strange turn of events,

I am ready to make you the new assistant manager of Duncan'’s.

Malcolm'’s going to need all the help he can get.

I'’ll go get the cups.

I can'’t think of anybody better qualified to assist him.

Congratulations.

I'’ll get the wine.

[Norm] I am quite the Chatty Cathy tonight, huh?

Yeah.

Whoa, easy there, Macky.

Yeah.

-[grunts] -Got it.

Oh, my God.

Hey, good for you. Good for you.

I just wish I saw it.

Jesus, Pat. I didn'’t hit him, all right?

I couldn'’t get the wine out of the fridge,

and the door...

I don'’t know,

but I don'’t think he'’s breathing.

[whispering] What?

I think he'’s dead.

Order up!

[groans]

We have to do it tomorrow.

Tomorrow?

Pat, what are we talking about?

Before he starts shooting his mouth off about the drive-thru.

-We have something tomorrow. -What?

-Banko'’s birthday. -Shit!

Pat...

what are we doing?

We'’re coming to our fucking senses,

that'’s what we'’re doing.

It was like I could read your mind in there.

I knew exactly what you were thinking.

I didn'’t know what I was thinking, Pat.

Mac, look at me.

Yes, you did.

You did.

Douglas was nothing.

We have to aim higher.

We can'’t exactly get Norm fired, now can we?

I knew about the drive-thru.

Of course you did. Of course.

Finally, finally he'’s going to use

some of your ideas, and what do we get?

I'’m the fucking assistant manager'’s wife?

-I didn'’t tell him-- -Listen to me. Listen to me.

Robberies...

go bad all the time, and...

accidents happen.

We'’re not bad people, Mac.

We'’re just...

underachievers that have to make up for lost time.

Pat...

Don'’t you think you deserve it, Mac?

[whispering] Huh? Don'’t you?

-Huh? -Yeah.

[Pat] Yeah.

[both moan softly]

Now all we need is the combination to the safe,

and it'’ll look more like a robbery.

We can get some starting-out money.

Fuck! Fuckety fuck!

Oh, it'’s Andy. It'’s just Andy.

Hey, Andy.

How'’s it going?

You two are still like a couple of teenagers.

[Mac, chuckling] Where are you living?

[Andy] In back of McLeary'’s garage.

Joe'’s putting me up.

-Joey'’s a nice... -Tell Joey we say hi.

Okay, I'’ll give you two back your privacy.

This town is too fucking small.

[dice rattling]

-Yahtzee. -Jesus, Banko.

That'’s a shitload of Yahtzees.

[Joan] You'’re a terrific player.

[Banko] Thanks. I usually just think,

"Wouldn'’t it be great to get a Yahtzee right now?"

And then sometimes I get it.

Sometimes I don'’t. You'’re up, Pat.

Mac, you sound awful.

[sneezes loudly]

Yeah, see, I have to take him home.

-[coughing] -He'’s fine.

I don'’t think he is. He'’s sick. Look at him.

He just needs another shot. Mac, you want do a shot?

I think that might help.

Yeah, better call it a night.

[Pat] Yup.

Oh, hey, there'’s Peg.

She made it.

My neighbor, Peg.

[all] Hey. Hi, Peg.

We thought you were pulling a double.

I'’m in the middle of it.

What do you think this is, my Yahtzee outfit?

[laughs]

Oh, hey, Mac isn'’t feeling well.

Maybe you could see if he has a fever...

Oh, no, I...

Sorry.

I'’ll be right back.

Whose turn is it?

[crickets chirping]

What?

This place gives me the creeps.

Excuse me, can I get some more ketchup?

Oh, no problem.

[door chimes jingle]

Careful driving.

Wake up, Dad.

I'’m quitting.

Oh, is it 10:00 already?

No, it'’s not quitting time. I'’m just quitting.

It'’s over. I'’m done.

Oh, no, now, wait a minute. Wait a minute.

I thought we had a deal.

Your deal sucks, Dad.

I can'’t stand this fucking place.

Mrs. Lenox, thank you. You can go now.

What is it, young man, that is so important tonight

that you'’re acting like a spoiled--

I told you. I have to go jam.

[Norm] I see, jamming is more important than making a living?

[Malcolm] This isn'’t making a living. This is a nightmare.

[air whirring]

I'’m sure he'’ll be right out.

I told him was gonna come down with something the way he...

Oh, here he comes.

Do I have a fever?

Oh, my God. You'’re burning up.

[sighs]

I had quite a fever, didn'’t I, baby?

Oh, you are giving me a fucking fever.

You were brilliant.

[Mac] Oh, shit. Malcolm.

[Pat] Are you sure?

-Yeah. -Did he see us?

I doubt it. He was going pretty fast.

But Norm must'’ve closed up early.

Go, Mac, go.

-I don'’t want to talk to him. -I know.

I just...

I don'’t want to talk to him.

-You don'’t have to. -I don'’t?

No.

You just have to kill him.

♪ One, two ♪

♪ One, two, three, four ♪

[turns radio volume up]

Yahtzee!

♪ Well, I take Whatever I want ♪

♪ And, baby, I want you ♪

♪ You give me Something I need ♪

♪ Now tell me I got something for you ♪

♪ Come on, come on Come on and do it ♪

♪ Come on and do What you do ♪

♪ I can'’t get enough Of your love ♪

♪ Huh ♪

♪ I can'’t get enough Of your love ♪

♪ I can'’t get Enough of your love ♪

♪ Listen ♪

♪ Well, it'’s late And I want love ♪

♪ Love that'’s gonna break me In two ♪

♪ Don'’t hang me up In your doorway ♪

♪ Don'’t hang me up like you do ♪

♪ Yeah ♪

♪ Come on, come on Come on and do it ♪

♪ Come on, come on-- ♪

Oh! Oh!

[groaning]

Oh, Pat. Mac. Thank God.

Somebody just hit me on the head.

[groaning]

Oh, my God. There he is.

Right there.

-Oh! -[body thuds]

Oh, my God. It'’s perfect. Perfect.

Mac, what are you doing?

He was getting up.

Christ, we need the combination.

I told you I did not want to talk to him.

-Well, he needs to talk to us. -Sorry.

-Very sorry. -I'’m sorry.

No, it'’s all right.

-[sighs] -Hey, hey.

You did really good with the last hit.

[band playing]

[laughing]

You have a wonderful tan.

Oh, thank you.

I own a salon on Main Street.

When a Tan Loves a Woman.

♪ '’Cause ♪

♪ I can'’t get enough Of your love ♪

♪ I can'’t get enough Of your love ♪

♪ I got to tell you, baby ♪

♪ Yeah, I love you so much ♪

♪ I can'’t get enough Of your love ♪

♪ I love you so much ♪

♪ I can'’t get enough Of your love ♪

♪ I can'’t get Enough of your love ♪

♪ I can'’t get enough Enough of your love ♪

♪ I can'’t get enough Of your love ♪

♪ Yeah, this woman This woman ♪

♪ Whoo ♪

♪ Oh, come on, baby ♪

♪ Come on and give it now ♪

♪ Yeah ♪

♪ Oh ♪

[Pat] What are you doing?

He won'’t give me the combination.

Well...

Well, take the fucking gag off.

-Oh, God! I'’m sorry. -Jesus.

Mac.

I know you don'’t do this every day,

and I think you are doing a fucking excellent job, okay?

[Mac] Okay.

But the thing is,

it'’s late and we need the goddamned safe open.

-I know. -Okay, good.

-Pat? -Yeah?

I don'’t think I can do it.

Yes, you can. All you have to do--

No, no, no I mean I don'’t think I can do it.

Okay. Well...

we'’re just going to take it one step at a time, okay?

-Okay. -Okay?

And right now...

all we need is the combination...

and then you can put the gag right back on.

-[Mac] Yeah. -[Pat] And Mac?

-[Mac] Yeah? -[Pat] It'’s not even going to be

like a real conversation,

because he'’s just going to be saying numbers, okay?

-Okay. -Good.

[whispering] Norm is escaping. Go get him.

Oh.

You just got here, man.

[Malcolm] I'’m sorry.

What the fuck?

[muffled protests]

All right. Okay.

I'’m going to take this gag off.

And all I want to hear is three numbers, okay?

If I don'’t, you are going to be one big, ugly french fry.

Mm, mm-hmm.

-Why? -That'’s it!

Aah! 24-12-30! 24-12-30!

[Pat] 24-12-30...

Ow.

It worked!

[Mac] Oh, thank God!

Holy shit.

Two points. Slam dunk.

[both scream]

-What? -[splash]

-[sizzling] -Ouch! Shit!

[sizzling]

[dice clatters]

Yahtzee.

Yah...

[oil bubbling]

It'’s all over.

You did it.

[laughs]

You did it, Mac.

And you were amazing.

Mac, it'’s done.

It can'’t be undone.

[whispers] Come here.

[Mac] I'’m sorry, Pat.

Sorry I lost it.

We should get out of here. How'’s your hand?

[Pat] I'’m fine. It'’s just a little burn.

Okay.

[sighs]

The lines are so long, and it'’s so hot.

I don'’t even feel like getting out of the car.

Shouldn'’t we get out of here?

Why don'’t we, uh...

drive-thru?

[pounding on door]

[oil bubbling and sizzling]

[jiggles doorknob]

[Malcolm] Hey, Dad!

[knocking on door]

Come on, Dad, wake up.

I'’m sorry, okay? Would you just wake the fuck up?

[knocking continuous]

Come on!

Loser.

[car door slams]

[tires screech]

Holy moly.

Oh!

[woman sobbing]

[indistinct murmurs]

How long can that go on?

I don'’t know.

[scoffs]

That'’s it. That'’s it.

Get over there and do something about it.

-What do you want me to do? -I don'’t know.

Take her into a room or something.

She'’s scaring the children.

And, you know, not one person

has looked over at me since we got here.

And I deserve a fucking Oscar for this performance.

God. Low class.

I can'’t stand low class at a fucking funeral.

[Pat] I don'’t know what it is.

I guess he was kind of like a father figure to me.

Yeah.

I just wish I could'’ve told him, you know?

We never say...

[sighs and sniffles]

...the things we want to say until it'’s just too late.

[sniffles]

Too damn late.

What, did you burn yourself?

What?

Yes, I burnt myself at work the other day.

Yeah, I think you were there, Banko.

I mean, uh...oh, no, you weren'’t there.

-He wasn'’t there. -No, he was not.

He was not. He was not.

[man] Mr. and Mrs. McBeth?

Yeah?

Lieutenant McDuff.

Ernie.

I'’m working the case.

[Pat] Oh!

Great.

I'’m Pat, and this is Joe.

Everybody just calls me Mac.

-That'’s Banko. -I'’ve spoken to Mr. Bankoni.

Oh, great.

I'’m here to drop off my cards,

which are on the coffee table next to my wife'’s baba ghanoush.

Your wife'’s what?

Baba ghanoush. It'’s a vegetarian dish.

Sounds scary, but it'’s good.

-You a vegetarian? -Yup.

-And your wife? -My wife?

She'’s vegetarian?

Oh, yeah. Whole family. You?

No.

They called me in because the Scotland PD

is a bit understaffed for this kind of thing,

and I'’ll tell you, they'’re not kidding.

These guys take turns sharing the bullet.

They only got one bullet?

Well, we don'’t have a lot of crime in Scotland.

[McDuff] Wouldn'’t it be nice if it was like that everywhere?

Then you'’d be out of a job.

It'’s not all it'’s cracked up to be.

Try working the restaurant business.

[McDuff] I wish.

Working the grill, frying the fries,

helping hungry people.

No, don'’t underestimate what you do, sir.

I envy you.

By the time I get to my customers,

they'’re usually dead.

At least you get a chance to kill them.

[chuckles] All that greasy food.

[both laugh]

Anyway, ahem...

if you have any information that that could help,

please call that number.

I'’ll probably be in touch anyway.

Good to meet you.

♪ He will walk into the room ♪

♪ And look at me ♪

[doorbell rings]

♪ And I'’ll melt away ♪

[Malcolm] Donald?

Hey, Donald?

Donald?

-What are you doing? -Nothing.

Christ, Donald, the doorbell'’s ringing.

They'’re here, and we haven'’t talked about this.

I don'’t care if they buy the restaurant.

I know, but there'’s money involved.

They said- we were rich. -We are.

Then I don'’t care.

I'’m going to make fondue.

Fine, Donald, fine.

But we'’re not talking about this again.

Good.

And make chocolate, not cheese.

-[blows] -Thanks, Don.

-That was delicious. -You'’re welcome.

Malcolm, this is crazy.

You'’re practically giving us the restaurant...

[Malcolm] Listen, I know how my dad felt about you two guys.

And me and Donald don'’t need it. He left us a shitload.

Besides, I guess I'’m kind of happy that they found the guy,

because now we can sell the place and it can all be over.

Found the guy?

[Malcolm] You didn'’t hear?

Yeah, some crazy homeless guy.

-[Mac] You'’re kidding? -[table thumps]

Doesn'’t make him guilty just because he'’s homeless, Malcolm.

Please, he was wearing all of Dad'’s jewelry.

He'’s either a murderer or Dad'’s boyfriend.

And besides, he'’s not even homeless.

He lives in the back of a garage.

Andy?

-You know him? -Kind of.

Joe McLeary puts him up sometimes.

[Malcolm] That'’s him. Yeah, McLeary'’s Garage.

That lieutenant arrested him the other day.

He says he just woke up with all my Dad'’s jewelry on.

What a lunatic.

That'’s why I never give those people money.

Malcolm, you don'’t have to be this generous...

Mac, do you have the keys or do I?

Because we really have to go.

[Malcolm] Oh, that'’s okay.

I guess if I wanted the place as much as you guys do,

my dad would'’ve died a happier man.

Oh, Malcolm, thank you.

And remember,

the most important thing is that we carry on his legacy.

You know, keep his name alive.

♪ Ah, ah, ah, ah ♪

♪ Ah, ah, ah ♪

♪ Ah, ah, ah, ah ♪

♪ Ah, ah, ah ♪

♪ Do you remember Back in old L.A.? ♪

♪ Oh, oh, oh ♪

♪ When everybody drove A Chevrolet? ♪

♪ Oh, oh, oh ♪

♪ Whatever happened To the boy next door? ♪

♪ The suntanned, crew cut All-American male? ♪

♪ Remember dancing At the high school hop? ♪

♪ Oh, oh, oh ♪

♪ The dress I ruined With the soda pop? ♪

♪ Oh, oh, oh ♪

♪ I didn'’t recognize The girl next door ♪

♪ With beat-up sneakers And a ponytail ♪

♪ Beach baby, beach baby Give me your hand ♪

♪ Give me something That I can remember ♪

♪ Just like before We could walk by the shore ♪

♪ In the moonlight ♪

♪ Beach baby, beach baby There on the sand ♪

♪ From July to the end Of September ♪

♪ Surfing is fun ♪

♪ We'’d be out in the sun Every day ♪

Yeah, can I have a six-piece little chicken McBeth.

A regular McBeth McBeth.

♪ Ooh, ooh ♪

♪ And I was everybody'’s friend ♪

♪ Ooh, ooh ♪

♪ Long hot days ♪

♪ Doo-doo, doo-doo, doo-doo ♪

♪ Cool sea haze ♪

♪ Doo-doo, doo-doo, doo-doo ♪

♪ Jukebox plays ♪

♪ But now it'’s fading away ♪

Drive through, please.

♪ Doo-doo, doo-doo ♪

♪ Doo-doo-doo, doo-doo-doo Doo-doo-doo ♪

[cash register dings]

♪ Ah, ah, ah, ah ♪

♪ Ah, ah, ah ♪

♪ We couldn'’t wait For graduation day ♪

♪ Oh, no ♪

♪ We took the car And drove to San Jose ♪

♪ Oh, oh, oh ♪

♪ That'’s where you told me ♪

♪ That you'’d wear my ring ♪

♪ I guess you don'’t remember Anything ♪

♪ Beach baby, beach baby Give me your-- ♪

-[dings] -Pick up, please.

Thanks for my thrill.

Have you been in town this whole time, Lieutenant?

No, weeks ago I left.

I let them handle it.

It seemed cut-and-dry.

It isn'’t?

[McDuff] Apparently not.

The DA'’s letting him go.

What about Norm'’s jewelry?

I'’m wearing it.

Just kidding.

It'’s all we had.

Believe it or not,

it'’s not enough to hold him.

No witness. No confession.

He'’s still a suspect, but I think...

Is this some kind of dip?

Um, yes, it is.

It'’s for ice cream. Would you like one, Lieutenant?

-I'’ll pay you for it. -That'’s okay.

So you were saying that you were thinking...?

[McDuff] I think we might be going in a different direction,

which, may I say, you two have done amazing things.

I hardly recognized the place.

Thanks.

Of course, when I saw it last,

there was a dead body in the fryolater.

[laughs]

Lieutenant, Channel 5 is doing a story

on our drive-thru next week, and we'’re going to have a party.

You should bring your family.

-Might do that. -[Kevin] Lieutenant?

Mr. McKane.

What do you say we step outside

and you can show me exactly what you'’re talking about.

You want to bring your son?

No, he'’s fine.

[car horn honking]

Now, if you'’re going to have a kegger, just keep it quiet.

I know how you drama geeks like to party.

You know, they'’re trying to make gambling legal in Atlantic City.

All right! I got the deed to the house in my pocket.

Shut up, Malcolm. It'’s a disease.

Sammy lost, like, a whole year'’s salary once in Vegas.

Sammy who?

Davis, Jr.

You'’re a freak, Donald.

Oh, yeah, it was-- It was definitely Malcolm,

and he was coming out of here like a bat out of hell.

We were coming from that direction, and...

"We"?

...going exactly the legal limit.

-What? -You said "we" just now.

When you called me, you said you were alone.

No, I wasn'’t alone. I was...

-I was giving somebody a lift. -Who'’s that?

Oh, Jesus.

Lieutenant, I-I love my wife.

I-I-I love her to death.

The devil'’s out to destroy me.

I don'’t know, he'’s out to take me down.

I'’m so ashamed.

Just, I'’m so ashamed.

Well, take it easy.

I don'’t need to know. It'’s not important.

-Yeah? -Yeah.

If you ever need a tan...

Hey!

Take it to my grave.

I guess that'’s standard procedure.

Huh.

I mean, like a maniac.

F this and F that about his poor father

who just wanted the best for him.

God bless him.

Again, when you left,

they were still in the middle of it?

And no one else was there?

No one.

Malcolm had just thrown out that poor customer

and closed the place early,

something his father never would have done.

How was your relationship with Malcolm?

Fine. I mean, he was a rude, selfish, evil young man.

But I never once judged him.

It'’s not my way.

Thanks.

You'’ve been helpful.

Oh, you'’re welcome.

Oh.

Thanks.

Mr. Bankoni.

Until 2:00 a.m.

Everybody was there.

Mac is really a great player, but he wasn'’t feeling too well.

So you didn'’t play Yahtzee with Malcolm that night?

No.

No, he-- He wouldn'’t go out with us.

You seen Malcolm and his dad quarrel?

Yeah, all the time.

You don'’t think Malcolm...?

I don'’t know.

Thanks. You'’ve been helpful too.

Oh.

Okay.

I'’m not going to hug you afterwards, okay?

No offense, but I'’d be pleased if you didn'’t.

I can'’t get over this place.

Did Mr. Duncan have this much success?

Well, he did all right, you know?

Primarily he knew the doughnuts, though.

Yeah, I got you.

It looks like it cost a fortune.

Well, Malcolm gave us a damn good deal,

and the truck'’s used...

When did you think of that drive-thru?

Thinking of getting into the business, Lieutenant?

You know, I'’m impressed.

Mr. Bankoni said...

you'’ve always had great ideas with the place.

He said he wasn'’t surprised at all by your success.

Is that what he said?

And this traveling french fry truck...

-French fry truck, that right? -Yeah, that'’s right.

You'’re going to give the fries away, right?

Yeah, yeah, yeah, once they taste my fries...

-They need them. More, more. -Yeah!

-That'’s right. -That'’s right.

Get them hooked, like kids on drugs.

It'’s wonderful.

I think he thinks Malcolm did it.

-What? -I don'’t know.

He asked a lot of questions about him.

Oh, my God.

-It can'’t be true. -No.

Of course not, but...

But he really hated his father.

"Put the knife down, Malcolm. Just put it down."

Yeah.

And then he put it down.

Hey, you want me to drop off the van at the garage when I'’m done?

It'’s been running kind of lousy.

Mac?

Oh, yeah. That'’d be fine.

You and Mr. McB.

were out with the Bankoni party that night?

Yes.

Yeah, I'’m an awful Yahtzee player.

Oh, I'’m not going to write that down.

Thank you.

Mac?

What?

How come you never told me about the drive-thru idea?

What are you talking about?

You told me all your other ideas.

We'’d be out drinking.

How come you never told me about that one?

It just came to me, I guess.

-When? -What the fuck?

What are you, like, Lieutenant McJunior, or what?

Do you have a big family?

Two wives and a boy.

-Oh. -I mean, two boys and a wife.

Ah. Well, that other would be convenient, I guess.

-Thanks. -Pat.

Thank you, Mrs. Pat.

You'’re welcome, Lieutenant.

Good luck.

[exhales]

I'’m sorry.

[laughs]

I'’m just going nuts, you know, with this party.

This whole party thing.

And, um...

I don'’t know why I didn'’t tell you about the drive-thru.

I just kept that one a secret.

Oh.

[woman, on TV] Anthony!

Anthony!

Anthony!

[TV narrator] Anthony Martinetti lived in Boston,

in the Italian North End,

the home of the Prince Spaghetti Company.

It'’s just unbelievable.

He'’s obsessed with Malcolm.

[giggles]

And why shouldn'’t he be?

I mean, really.

He hated his father...

which is awful.

But you know what?

The knife incident,

I really think the knife incident was the straw

that broke the camel'’s back.

Mac?

Banko'’s a problem.

Well, I think that'’ll be okay.

You know, it'’s Banko.

He'’s a problem.

-[piano being played] -[rhythmic clapping]

[all] ♪ Day by day ♪

-♪ Day by day ♪ -♪ Day by day ♪

♪ Oh, dear Lord ♪

♪ We celebrate ♪

-[stops playing] -♪ Day by... ♪

Nobody answered, so I let myself in.

You sound terrific.

[maracas rattling]

You know, Donald, I used to be a dancer.

[humming]

He left town.

He left town?

Just for a couple of weeks.

Unless his band does well and they tour or something.

I'’ll probably just stay at my neighbors'’

-till I finish high school. -Mm-hmm.

Then Malcolm has to give me my part of the money.

What money'’s that?

The inheritance. Dad left us a shitload.

Sorry, that'’s what Malcolm says.

-Ladies and gentlemen... -Guten abend.

Donald, I have to ask you something,

and I want you to be honest.

I don'’t think that'’s your business.

-What? -I just think that'’s personal,

and I don'’t see how that would have

anything to do with this.

I mean...

What were you going to ask me?

How'’d your dad and brother get along?

I was going to ask you.

Oh.

-[all singing] -[piano being played]

♪ I'’m just a lonely Rock and roller ♪

♪ Not the marrying type I told her ♪

♪ Trouble seems To follow me around ♪

♪ Another one-night stand ♪

♪ Partying down With the boys in the band ♪

♪ Eight hours in the van Till the next town ♪

[drumsticks clacking]

-[band plays up-tempo] -♪ Take a number ♪

♪ And get in line ♪

♪ We got to rock, rock rock And we'’re running behind ♪

♪ I got no time to waste Small talking ♪

♪ Hop onboard, baby Or you'’re gonna be walking ♪

♪ Ride, ride, ride ♪

♪ Down the Pennsylvania Turnpike ♪

♪ Drive, drive, drive ♪

♪ All night ♪

[gunshots on TV]

He'’s gone?

Ed? Ed!

He'’s gone?

Uh, the lieutenant?

Uh, yeah.

He went to Atlantic City.

Oh.

Uh, it'’s in New Jersey.

[scoffs]

So you'’d say you had a strained relationship with your dad?

No, Lieutenant, I would not say that.

You would say that.

I would say I had a sucky relationship with him.

But not sucky enough to stick his head into a fryolater.

Oh, that'’s disgusting.

Sit down.

You had a sucky relationship with your dad,

which looks like all Scotland knew about.

And there was a shitload of doughnut money

which went directly to you.

And your alibi, Malcolm, stinks.

"Just driving around thinking,"

is may be the worst alibi I ever heard.

-It'’s true. -It stinks.

The best thing about that alibi is it'’s so bad

it might be partly true,

because you strike me as smarter than that.

Which brings me to a point that you should pay attention to.

I don'’t want you to be guilty.

So, Mr. Duncan, take a breath, start again,

and let'’s have a conversation that makes you not guilty.

Don'’t you think we should talk about this?

About what?

You know what about, Mac.

You can'’t be stupid about this. We'’ve got to be careful.

You think I'’m stupid?

What'’s wrong? Why won'’t you talk to me?

Why can'’t you answer the question?

Because that question is stupid.

Well, there'’s nothing to talk about.

I'’m just going to go hunting.

[McDuff] Is there anybody else you can think of

who might have seen you that night?

Actually, there was. But it'’s dumb.

I was going about 90, they were going about 100.

-Who'’s that? -The McBeths.

What do you mean?

I saw them when I left the restaurant that night.

But we didn'’t exactly discuss my plans for the evening.

You said you left the restaurant about 9:30.

-I did. -Well...

the McBeth'’s were at a party that went pretty late,

so that doesn'’t help me.

Oh, it doesn'’t help you, Lieutenant?

-I'’m so sorry. -Malcolm...

What? I saw them.

I don'’t see what difference it makes, but it was them.

So I guess it was a lousy party,

because they sure were in a hurry to get away from it.

I can'’t believe I just drank that again.

Your water tastes like ass.

Mac?

I'’ll see you later.

[phone ringing]

Hello?

Uh...

[stammers]

Hello?

Oh, hey, Lieutenant. How are you doing?

Good. Ed, you have to get me a couple of things.

-How'’s Atlantic City? -It'’s good. Pay attention.

Did you get all stuffed on jambalaya and corn bread?

Listen to me.

First, I need Bankoni'’s phone number.

Banko? He was here tonight.

He-- He left you a note.

-Did he? -Yeah.

Read it to me.

Well, it-- It'’s sealed, Lieutenant.

Unseal it, Ed.

Well...

I feel kind of funny about it.

-Unseal it. -Okay.

Hold on.

Ed?

Ed!

"Lieutenant, I think you are wrong about Malcolm.

"There is something you should know.

"I am glad you'’re not here,

"because it is easier to write it then say it.

"Not everybody stayed at my party

"the night Norm was murdered.

"The McBeths left early.

"I guess you should call me things...

"have been kind of weird.

"I guess you should call me.

"Things have been kind of weird.

Banko."

He has really excellent penmanship, Lieutenant.

Call Banko.

Get him down to the station.

I'’ll be there in about three hours.

Do you want me to cuff him?

-[gunshot] -Nice shot, Mac.

And I know Pat cooks a mean squirrel.

Fuck you.

I'’m going to go down to the ridge.

Banko, grab some beers.

[man, over radio] I must not toil in my troubles.

Listen to the hidden words between the sentences

and repeat...

"Because I love, I am love."

[man chants]

Okay, here you go, Pat.

Everything all set for the big party?

-We'’re getting there. -I'’ll tell you, Pat,

Suzie here still loves the Whopper,

but you kids got me with that Big McBeth.

I'’m gone.

-[laughs] -Thanks, Frank.

So who'’s all that ointment for?

[chuckles]

That'’s sweet of you.

What?

Well, I-I saw you staring at it.

I know it'’s not a very pretty sight.

Thank you.

[door closes]

-Where'’s the phone? -In the kitchen.

[McDuff] Did you call McBeth'’s?

Because he works there.

Banko works there.

-Where? -[McDuff] McBeth'’s.

I'’ll do it, Ed.

[dialing]

-He was here. -[McDuff] Who?

Banko. He was looking for Malcolm.

What are you doing back so early?

Oh, this is Tommy.

-Hi. -Hi.

Yeah, hello.

Banko? No, he'’s not here.

No, he'’s not in today. He went hunting.

-He'’s hunting. -Hunting?

Yeah, he should be in tomorrow.

No, Mr. McBeth went hunting with him.

Hello?

Hello? Who are you looking for? Richard, who is this?

[Robert, over phone] Some guy looking for Banko.

[McDuff] Pat? Hi. It'’s me, Lieutenant.

Hello, Lieutenant.

Richard, thank you.

-I'’ve got it. -Robert.

-What? -Robert.

My name is Robert.

-Whatever. I'’ve got it. -Hello?

Thank you. I'’m sorry, Lieutenant.

Is there something wrong?

I need to ask Mr. Bankoni a question,

and I'’m told he'’s hunting.

Uh, yes, he is.

They, um... they go hunting every year.

-You know where they hunt? -No, I don'’t.

Oh!

You know, I think I have a map

at my house.

Why do I always have to be in the back?

What? Because you said you liked it in the back.

-[Hector] When? -[Jesse] Yesterday,

when we were fucked up and you went out for pizza, come on.

[Hector] No, I said I'’d be right back.

[Jesse] Oh.

[door slams]

[McDuff] I thought I'’d get here before you.

Oh, well, it sounded so important,

I just dropped everything--

It is. It is.

Would you like a cup of coffee?

-I can'’t stay. -Oh, okay.

Sorry.

I-I think I saw the map, uh,

on the refrigerator.

And...

there it is.

Yeah.

-East Denmark? -Yeah.

I think it'’s just north of Atlantic City.

[man chanting over car radio]

[man, over radio] Tomorrow is tomorrow.

Tomorrow is not today.

-Today is who I am. -[yawns]

[phone rings]

Hello?

[Joey, on phone] Pat, Joey McLeary.

-How'’s it going? -Oh!

Oh, good, Joey. Fine. How are you?

-How are the kids? -Little fuckers, Pat.

Right. What can I do for you?

Are you missing something?

[Pat] Oh. The van.

I promise tomorrow I'’ll send someone over to...

[Joey] Pat?

-What happened? -He'’s drunk.

Oh.

Hey, Pat.

[Kevin] Is something wrong with him?

Because if I didn'’t know better,

I'’d swear he was thinking out there today.

I mean, I could see those Banko brain cells moving.

Is he seeing that nurse?

She'’d make my brain cells move.

-I doubt it. -[scoffs]

-[Kevin] Should I wake him? -[all] No.

Just let him rest.

We'’ll save him some if you don'’t eat the whole fucking deer.

You know, last year you ate everything

but the goddamned head.

I would love some head.

-Shut the fuck up, Jimmy. -[laughs]

Shut up.

-What did I say? -Nothing.

You animals just sometimes forget

there'’s a fucking lady in the room, that'’s all.

Here you go. Dinner'’s served.

And this, Jimmy, is a fork.

Okay, sure thing.

Oh, wait, you don'’t know where Banko is, do you?

I'’m supposed to keep calling him,

but he doesn'’t answer.

No idea, Ed, sorry.

What?

What, like seal it in an envelope?

No.

No, Ed, you don'’t have to seal it.

Just-- Just make sure he gets the message.

Thank you.

That one'’s a piece of work.

What are you doing?

-I'’m saving your ass. -What do you mean?

I mean saving your fucking ass, Mac.

You got to talk to me. McDuff is all over us.

Lower the tone in your voice with me, please.

What about Malcolm?

I don'’t know, but something happened.

McDuff is looking for Banko. And guess what?

-He'’s passed out in our den. -Does McDuff know that?

No. He is spending the night in a motel in Jersey.

-How do you know that? -Because Ed told me everything

but his fucking dick size, that'’s how.

[phone rings]

Pick it up.

[phone ringing]

Hello?

Oh, Joey, I'’m sorry.

Can you pick up the van tomorrow?

Yeah.

Uh...

Tell him that...

Banko will pick it up in the morning.

Tell him.

Yeah, Joey, Banko will get it in the morning.

Okay, I'’ll tell him.

He said it'’s Saturday. They'’re not open till 12:00.

-What are you doing? -Do we have any Valium left?

-What are you doing? -I said, do we have any Valium?

Yes. Why?

Mix it with some Alka-Seltzer.

If Banko wakes up, give it to him.

I'’ll take care of the rest.

No, no, no. Mac, no.

You have to talk to me.

You have to tell me what you'’re doing.

-I don'’t know. -You don'’t know?

I said I don'’t know!

It'’s a surprise.

I'’ll take care of it.

Get off my fucking back.

Yeah?

Shit!

[sighs]

[grunts] Fuck!

[racks gun]

Whoa! Jesus.

Andy, it'’s me.

It'’s Mac.

-Mac? -Yeah.

-Is that you? -It'’s me.

Put the gun down.

Sorry.

I'’ve been a little paranoid lately.

I'’ll bet.

What are you doing here?

Picking up the french fry truck.

At 2:00 a.m.

Yeah. Yeah.

So you'’re here now? You'’re not...

In jail? Not anymore.

They got nothing on me.

I'’ll tell you, Mac, I didn'’t do it.

I woke up covered in jewelry.

Say, is that your gun, Andy?

Yes, sir.

Yeah, that'’s my baby.

-You want to hold her? -No.

No, I'’m not into guns.

Say, you got a couple glasses back there?

[both laugh]

That'’s the best offer I had in months.

Come on in.

You'’re my savior.

-How'’s Pat? -Oh, you know, she'’s good.

Fine.

[door closes]

Give me your shirt.

[man, over radio] Letting go of my worthlessness

is the gateway to rapture.

Hey, you really tied one on yesterday.

You were at our place.

I need you to pick up the truck.

I'’ll drop you on the way to the restaurant.

-Right now? What time is it? -It'’s 9:00.

But we got to haul ass.

[groans softly]

[Banko] It'’s closed.

[Mac] Um, yeah, I know.

He, uh, said he was going to leave the keys for us.

Look and see if they'’re in the truck.

I'’ll see if he left this open.

They'’re not in there.

Mac?

[gunshot]

[Ed] I'’m telling you,

I called it 95 times, Lieutenant.

I practically got it memorized.

He'’s just not there.

Huh. Anybody call?

Uh-huh.

-For me? -For you?

Oh, yeah, yeah.

Mrs. McBeth called.

She said she'’s sorry,

but she thinks she gave you the wrong map, and...

-She said something else. -Really?

What time she call?

Around three hours after you left.

That'’s convenient.

Oh, that'’s it.

She said that she hoped it wasn'’t too inconvenient.

-[feedback squeals] -Hello? Hello?

Check.

-Check? -[man] Hey, where does this go?

Just put the bitch in the corner, guys.

-They'’re ready. -Motherfucker!

Jesus.

Sorry, Richard.

We'’re a little tense... Robert.

Robert. Sorry, Robert. Thank you.

Thank you.

[applause]

[all applauding]

[Mac] Thank you...

for coming here today.

[smatter of applause]

Does anybody have any questions?

Mrs. McGuire?

I am so proud of you kids.

And, Pat, you look terrific.

Now don'’t tell me that fit right off the rack.

Yes, it did. Garrison'’s.

[Mrs. McGuire] You don'’t say?

Well, you look terrific.

Doesn'’t she, everybody?

-[Mrs. McGuire laughs] -[crowd applauds]

Banko.

Why did you kill me?

[Mac] What are you doing here?

Why did you kill me?

-[stammers] -Maybe you should--

-You should go sit down. -I didn'’t-- Who did this?

Maybe he should go sit down! Maybe he should go sit down!

My husband is a little overworked.

-Why did you kill me? -[Mac] Stop!

You stop saying that!

My husband is very overworked.

Actually, he'’s been working very hard to-to-to-to--

To put this thing together, and he has a condition

since he was a boy.

So why don'’t we all...?

[smatter of applause]

What the hell was that?

I call that a bad press conference.

I just...

There. I got to go. I got to go.

No. What? No, you can'’t leave.

-You can'’t leave. -I got to find them.

They'’ll tell me what'’s gonna happen.

Who? Who? Mac!

Mac, please don'’t leave.

Mac!

[sighs]

Is everybody having a nice time?

Donald, is that you?

-No. -How are you?

-Lousy. -How'’s your father?

-Dead. -Oh!

[laughs]

[wind gusting]

[Joey] And that'’s it. That'’s all I know.

-All right. Thanks. -Sure.

There'’s the wife and kids. If you'’ll excuse me.

Take it easy, Ed.

Oh, you too, Joey. How'’s the kids doing?

Right.

Are you going to go arrest them?

For what? Throwing a party? There'’s nothing there.

Andy'’s gun killed Banko. Now he'’s missing.

[children laughing]

[pounds on door]

Is everything okay, Pat? We heard about Banko.

No, everything is not okay, Frank.

But I need some more ointment for my burn.

Your burn?

Oh, come on, don'’t start that bullshit with me again.

Just give me the fucking ointment, okay?

-I don'’t see a burn-- -I don'’t give a fuck

what you see or don'’t see.

Just get me the ointment, all right?

And I don'’t want one of those little...

baby shit-ass tubes.

I need a vat of it.

My fucking hand is falling off!

Pat, are you on drugs?

I don'’t know, Frank.

Are you fucking your assistant?

What are you looking at, Nursie?

[crickets chirping]

[bottle clangs]

[Stacy chanting]

Tickets, please.

[vehicle approaching]

Mac?

[ball rattles]

[Pat] And this is the den.

[Pat clears throat]

Ha! Did I show you the den already?

-[door closes] -[gasps]

Mac, you'’re home.

[Mac] Hello, Lieutenant.

-Hello, Mac. -What brings you here?

Wait, don'’t tell me.

You'’re...

gracing our humble home with a vegetable dish

of some kind tonight, a little tidbit.

Show us how the other half lives.

Other half?

Did I say other half?

I mean...

Oh, fuck.

I'’m sorry.

You know what?

I'’m a little fucked up.

I meant...

better half.

That'’s what you think, don'’t you?

Mac.

No, I don'’t think that.

No.

No, you don'’t think that.

No.

It'’s them.

That'’d be mean.

And you don'’t think mean thoughts.

No, not you.

Just us vicious carnivores think mean thoughts, right?

Yeah.

You know, I'’m going to fix myself a drink.

I could make you a martini,

because it has a vegetable in it.

That would be a nice nutritious treat for you.

-You talking about olives? -Yeah.

That'’s a fruit, and not that nutritious.

[laughs]

[snorts]

[Mac] Well...

then I'’m not going to have one.

-[pouring drink] -You know what?

I'’m not going to have one, because I want to be just like

Big Daddy McDuff and his little McDuff'’s.

And I'’m going to start right now.

Eat healthy. That'’s my motto.

In fact, I'’m going to start this very moment...

with a little Jack and Tab.

I came by, because I wasn'’t sure

if you'’d heard about Mr. Bankoni'’s murder.

Why do you think I'’m so drunk?

All right then.

I won'’t take up any more time.

I wonder if you could...

both of you, do me a favor

and come over to my office tomorrow morning

about, I don'’t know, 8:30.

Tomorrow morning?

Yeah. If that'’s okay?

Just to talk.

It'’s no trouble at all.

Anything we can do to help.

Thanks.

Good night.

[door opens]

[door closes]

It'’s okay.

Everything'’s going to be all right.

No, Mac, everything'’s not all right.

Yeah, it is.

They told me that everything is going to be okay.

Yeah. Don'’t worry. You'’ll see.

Oh, I'’ll get that.

What?

[dial tone buzzing]

Hello? Hello?

Yeah, Mac speaking.

Oh. Hi.

Oh, is it serious?

Oh, well, I'’ll be right there.

-What? -Yeah.

-I got to go. -No.

Yeah. They forgot to tell me something.

Who? No, you can'’t-- You can'’t leave, Mac.

Don'’t worry. Don'’t worry.

I am going to take care of everything, Pat.

I'’m going to take care of you.

What?

[door closes]

♪ Well, I never been to Spain ♪

♪ But I kind of like The music ♪

♪ Say the ladies Are insane there ♪

♪ And they sure know... ♪

Good night, Lieutenant.

Good night.

Did you want me to shut off the lights?

That would leave me in the dark, Ed.

Oh. Okay.

[sizzling]

-I could eat a horse. -I could eat a cow.

I could eat a pig.

[rattling]

What'’s going on?

We'’re brainstorming.

-Why? -[Stacy] We just don'’t like

the detective calling you into the station.

At that ungodly hour.

Clearly he'’s not going to ask you questions.

♪ Feels so good ♪

♪ Oh, feels so good ♪

♪ Well, I never been to heaven ♪

♪ But I'’ve been to Oklahoma ♪

I'’ve got it. Mac should kill McDuff'’s entire family.

That'’ll stop him.

Oh, that would work...

about a thousand years ago.

-[Hector] What does that mean? -[Jesse] These are modern times.

You can'’t go around killing everybody.

Hey, come on!

Can you?

[man, over intercom] Hi.

Could I get a Big McBeth...

We'’re closed!

...and a large french fry...

I said, we'’re closed!

[in man'’s voice] We have to go straight

to the source of the problem.

[man, over intercom] Uh, you know what?

Can I change that?

I'’ll have the little chicken McBeth'’s

with extra sauce.

You'’d better come inside.

The drive-thru'’s closed for the evening.

♪ Well, I never been to Spain ♪

♪ But I kind of like The music ♪

-[Ed] How'’s Pat--? -[Mac] Good.

Lieutenant working tonight?

-McDuff? -Yeah.

Yeah, I just left him.

He was...

-Like working with him? -The lieutenant?

-Yeah. -Oh, yeah, he'’s really nice.

I kind of wish he would always be around.

Even though he'’s a little... pushy?

You know, he'’s always pushing people around.

Uh, well...

You see the way he drives around in that little German car?

Always avoiding meat.

Well, you know...

He sent you down here, didn'’t he?

-The lieutenant? -Yeah.

No. I was...

Could I try a different sauce?

I like a variety.

♪ In Oklahoma ♪

♪ Not Arizona ♪

♪ What does it matter? ♪

♪ What does it matter? ♪

[Ed] It'’s a surprise, Lieutenant.

You should just come down here.

I think you'’ll be pretty...

-Happy! -...happy.

-Yes. -I think you'’ll be pretty happy.

I don'’t have time to be happy, Ed.

[mouthing]

[hangs up]

Ed?

Jesus Christ.

You hungry, Lieutenant?

Let me get this straight. You got me here to kill me?

Norm wasn'’t enough?

Norm was an accident.

Accidentally he got tied up and fell in a fryolater?

You know, it'’s kind of hard to explain.

You sort of had to be there.

Maybe Pat can explain.

Is she somewhere too? Is she hiding?

Pat had nothing to do with it.

She loved Norm.

She love Banko too?

Your good friend?

How about Andy, the homeless guy?

We can'’t track him down.

Any idea where he is?

So I'’m next.

But after that?

Looks like you'’ll have to kill Malcolm.

All right, that'’s enough.

Then Donald,

because Donald'’s coming after you.

I hate to break it to you, Lieutenant,

but this is not an episode of Columbo, all right?

I'’m not going to break down, hand you the gun

and get waltzed out of here between good-looking cops

with my head bowed down.

[gun clicks empty]

You think I'’d let Ed put bullets in his gun?

The thing is, Ed knows there'’s no bullets in his gun.

[gun firing empty]

Maybe he'’s smarter than I thought.

[yawns]

♪ Well, I never been to heaven ♪

♪ But I'’ve been to Oklahoma ♪

♪ Well, they tell me I was born there ♪

♪ But I really don'’t remember ♪

[both grunting]

♪ In Oklahoma ♪

♪ Not Arizona ♪

[yelps and shrieks]

♪ What does it matter? ♪

Ha!

[all] Ew.

[sighs]

[breathing heavily]

[croaks weakly]

[laughs]

[sighs]

♪ I'’m gonna take A freight train ♪

♪ Down at the station, Lord ♪

♪ I don'’t care where it goes ♪

♪ Gonna climb a mountain ♪

♪ The highest mountain ♪

♪ I'’ll jump off Nobody gonna know ♪

♪ Can'’t you see ♪

♪ Whoa, can'’t you see ♪

♪ What that woman, Lord ♪

♪ She been doing to me? ♪

♪ Can'’t you see ♪

♪ Can'’t you see ♪

♪ What that woman She been doing to me? ♪

♪ I'’m gonna find me ♪

♪ A hole in the wall ♪

♪ I'’m gonna crawl inside And die ♪

♪ '’Cause my lady, now ♪

♪ A mean old woman, Lord ♪

♪ Never told me goodbye ♪

♪ Can'’t you see ♪

♪ Oh, can'’t you see ♪

♪ What that woman, Lord ♪

♪ She been doing to me? ♪

♪ Can'’t you see ♪

♪ Can'’t you see ♪

♪ What that woman, Lord ♪

♪ She been doing to me? ♪

♪ I'’m gonna buy a ticket now ♪

♪ As far as I can ♪

♪ Ain'’t a-never coming back ♪

♪ Ride me a southbound ♪

♪ All the way to Georgia, now ♪

♪ Till the train It run out of track ♪

♪ Can'’t you see ♪

♪ Oh, can'’t you see ♪

♪ What that woman, Lord ♪

♪ She been doing to me? ♪

♪ Can'’t you see ♪

♪ Whoa, can'’t you see ♪

♪ What that woman, Lord ♪

♪ She been doing to me? ♪

♪ Can'’t you see ♪

♪ Whoa, can'’t you see ♪

♪ What that woman ♪

♪ She been doing to me? ♪

♪ Can'’t you see ♪

♪ Whoa, she such a crazy lady ♪

♪ What that woman ♪

♪ What that woman She been doing to me? ♪

♪ Take a number And get in line ♪

♪ We got to rock, rock, rock And we'’re running behind ♪

♪ I got no time to waste Small talking ♪

♪ Up onboard, baby Or you'’re gonna be walking ♪

♪ Ride, ride, ride ♪

♪ Down the Pennsylvania Turnpike ♪

♪ Drive, drive, drive ♪

♪ All night ♪

♪ Fly, fly, fly ♪

♪ Down the Pennsylvania Turnpike ♪

♪ We'’ll take you any place ♪

♪ You want to go tonight ♪

♪ We wail in Scottsdale ♪

♪ We knock them down In Uniontown ♪

♪ We wreck them up In Bethlehem ♪

♪ And jump all over them In Jonestown ♪

♪ Bedford, Summerhill Greenville ♪

♪ Ride, ride, ride ♪

♪ Down the Pennsylvania Turnpike ♪

♪ Drive, drive, drive ♪

♪ All night ♪