Original subtitles

- Hi, Lonny

Freddie said something about driving up to his father's farm until Monday morning.

Took his new wife to London for a week.

Oh, it was a terrible drag. He never stopped moving at me all night.

Don't you just hate wet lips?

Of course I brushed.

And I think Freddie's kid brother who's AWOL from the Army.

I thought he ran away from home.

He got as far as the pool house.

Well, if it weren't for those sprinklers, he'd never get any water on him.

Tim, coming home for dinner?

I'll fix you your pot roast.

Yeah.

Later.

Yeah. Listen, I should go. Why don't you come about 12:30.

Okay, right, bye-bye. See you then.

I won't be home for dinner.

- Freddie? - Lenny.

Mrs. Austin?

Ivy, no!

What was that all about?

Oh, no. You get the car, I'll go see. Get the car.

- Ivy-- - Doris.

Doris, what is the matter?

- Ivy says she's leaving. - I am leaving.

- Just as soon as you get someone else. - Frank, she can't just leave her family.

- Just like that? - It's true, you have been like a family.

Like a family? Ivy, you are family.

I know what you really mean.

You wanna take your vacation now, go to Florida and see your folks.

Well, that's fine with us.

No problem at all. We'll fly you down and back.

Take all the time you want. Take a week.

There's none of my folks left in Florida.

We'll send you anyplace you wanna go.

- Africa? - I wanna move into the city, Mrs. Austin.

You have another job.

Judy Townsend. She came up here last Tuesday night and stole her...

-...right from under my nose. I'll kill her. - It's not the Townsends.

Did Judy Townsend offer you a job or didn't she?

- She's always offering me a job. - I knew it. I'll kill her.

- Listen, lvy, if it's a question of money... - Not money.

I'll increase the people for the heavy cleaning.

- It's not the work. - What then?

- Frank. - Just a minute.

- Wait in the car. - Wait, I wanna find out--

I'll just be a minute.

All right.

Well, we'll work something out, Ivy.

You're pregnant.

No.

Mrs. Austin, we both have work to do. May I?

You know, lvy, nine years ago, when we found you in Florida...

...you were an innocent, scrawny 18-year-old...

...ignorant in the ways of the world.

If I'm in the city, I can get my high-school diploma, then go onto secretarial school.

- You wanna be a secretary? - Yes, ma'am.

Well, anyway, it took me exactly one week to discover you were a gem.

And then, remember how--? Where do you keep the clean sheets?

In the hall closet. I'll get them all later.

You remember how I went to your grandmother and your aunt...

...and I asked them if they'd consider letting you come up north with us?

That's the best news they'd ever had, ma'am.

Ma'am.

You keep calling me "ma'am."

And I keep meaning to tell you to call me "Doris," like my friends.

Or "Mother," like Gena and Tim.

The fact I want to leave doesn't mean I don't love all of you.

- It's just there's nothing here for me. - Nothing?

I mean, you've got Mr. Austin, Tim, Gena, your work.

I look ahead and I don't see any of that.

Doris.

Doris, what is the problem?

- Ivy wants to leave. - I know that. But what's the problem?

-If that's not a problem-- - A maid wants to leave, you get another.

- Dad! - What do you mean, "Dad"?

Get three maids. Pick up the phone, dial the employment agency.

You tell them to send over 82 candidates, pick out 11 if you want.

- That simple? - Yes, it's that simple.

- And so another little problem is solved. - That's right.

Doesn't it matter to you that she's like a member of the family?

Well, how do you suggest that I express my grief?

Now, listen. This girl's been with us for seven years--

- Nine. - Nine years.

We all adore her, but if she wants to leave, there's nothing we can do about it.

Ivy.

- Is it anything that I've done? - Of course not, Gena.

Please don't make this any tougher. It's taken me three days...

-...to get up the courage as it is, girl. - Okay, sure.

It's not as if I'm never gonna hear from you again. You're gonna call me...

...at least five times a week, because I got to know the latest on Freddie, Lenny...

...Jay, Jonathan, Bruce, Dick and Larry.

You forgot Peter.

I'm sorry, Mrs. Austin.

But...

...what if another nine years goes by, nice and easy like the last...

...and I'm past 35 and I still have nothing?

Nothing? Oh, Ivy. You have a good job, people who care for you, a good home.

Just a minute, Doris. Now, I don't think Ivy's talking about any of those things.

It's not any of that.

In the city, I'll have a chance. At least I have to try.

Try for what? What do you want?

I'm not sure.

I just know I haven't got it now.

I like this.

Think it's a little long, Freddie?

- You think it's too long? - No.

Hey!

Come here.

Wiggy, would you take over for Miss Thompson? Sandy, I'll be back.

Freddie, please don't grope the help.

- Who let you out? - Never mind that, man. What's with Mom?

She's got the vapors. Says she's not going on the Paris trip.

Ivy's quitting.

You're putting me on.

- Why? - She wants to go out there.

- What's out there? - Secretarial school. Career, love, marriage.

- Oh, she wants the mainstream? - In no uncertain terms.

Well, we can't let her. No.

I mean, if she gets out from between me and Dad, he might...

He might enlist me in the Army.

Yeah. Listen, we gotta talk about this.

Stop drooling.

Establishment-orientated chicks turn me off, except as a social comment for my novel.

- I can't stand it here. - Why don't you quit?

Why don't you give me her telephone number.

If she wants to go to school, she can go across the street.

- She insists on moving into the city. - Why?

I don't know.

- Hi, Gena. - Hi.

All right, you guys, you've all seen Gena naked before.

It just occurred to me, this comes down to the one big difference...

-...between you and lvy. - Me?

- Yeah. - What's color got to do with it?

No, no, no, no. Not color. Come here.

Wherever you go, you got 11 guys looking to jump on you, right?

No. Maybe it's as simple as that.

Maybe all lvy needs is some guy to romance her a little.

I assume lvy is well-taken-care-of in that department.

No, no, no. Look, when is the last time Ivy had a proper date?

- I don't know. - See, I mean, it's easy for you.

Guys hang around here, they drive up to the house, drink the old man's Scotch.

- You got more action than you can use. - She goes into the city on her days off.

- So, what does she do there? - I don't know.

- You tell her what you do? - Yeah.

- She doesn't tell you what she does. - No.

Then maybe she doesn't do anything.

Well, what can we do about it?

What if we line her up with a guy?

Like who?

I'm afraid my friends wouldn't qualify.

You're damn right. None of them are good enough.

There's an idea.

- Not him. - Hey, man.

- What? - Hey, where are your bosses?

- In the office. - What's the number there?

Read it off the truck, man.

Give me some change.

- What are you gonna--? - What we need is a cat who's real safe.

- What are you gonna do? - A swinger but a bum.

- No. - Yeah. A cat we can control.

See, some guy who's gonna wine her and dine her, man, but he won't marry her.

A good-looking no-goodnik.

Par-Tal Trucking? Yeah, this is Mr. Austin of Austin Incorporated.

Yeah, I'd like to speak to Mr. Parks or Mr. Talbot.

All you have to do, you get lvy here around, like, 2:30.

Now, it's gonna look like an accident to her. But I'm gonna set this dude up.

- You can't use the business to blackmail. - Will you just get Ivy here, please?

Hello, Parks? Yes, this is Mr. Austin.

I was wondering if you were free to come up here for a little late lunch.

Hi, boss.

Hey!

Come here.

Hey, what's happening?

- Where's your father? - No, no. He didn't phone you. I did.

Listen, anything you wanna eat, I'll get it for you, man. Sit down.

What do you want?

- Some of that iced coffee will do. - No, no. That's iced tea. Hey, babe.

Little iced tea for Mr. Parks.

- So how you been? - Fine. Fine.

- I was fine Monday night, and I'm fine now. - Yeah, Monday night was a gas.

- You're not married, are you? - No. Why?

No, a nice-looking cat like you, you're obviously not uptight for bread.

You're not gay, are you?

- No, I'm not. - Well, you can't hardly tell these days--

You get me up here for a sociological discussion?

- No. - You owe me money?

- You know I'm strictly cash with you, man. - Then why did you get me up here?

We got a maid named lvy.

I want you to take her out.

Put that on my bill, baby.

While I'm here, I will talk to your father. You ought to be put away, man.

I worked this morning until 5:30. Then I had to be up at 8 to go to the office...

...because my partner, Prince Talbot, refuses to get up.

Two of my drivers are sick and half the deliveries are late.

What I'm trying to tell you is, this trip wasn't necessary.

- You'll like her. - What makes you think I'd be a good stud?

All spades are superior at that kind of thing.

Sonny...

...why aren't you wrapping packages...

...instead of procuring for colored domestics?

This is a very special case, man. She wants to quit after nine years!

- Then let her. - Impossible.

I got news for you, Charlie. Slavery's been abolished, man.

- All I want you to do is meet her. - You said you wanted me to take her out.

- Just meet her. - Why me?

Man, you fit the bill.

You obviously aren't married because you got problems of your own.

And besides, you're kind of a shady character.

Excuse me.

Would you mind leaving the tip?

- Sir? - Put that on my bill, baby.

Sorry, Tim, but orders from your father. Strictly cash.

You're kidding.

Hey, forgot your change, man.

I got it for you. What's your first name, by the way?

Jack.

I always think of you as "Par" of Par-Tal.

When you're not thinking of me as that uppity spade with the trucks.

- Hey. I love you, man. - Yeah.

- Why are you so hostile? - Damned if I know.

By the way, how did you expect to get me to do this?

By appealing to your better nature.

Okay-

Racial togetherness?

How about exposure?

- Exposure? - Yeah.

Yeah, I got a square friend of mine who writes articles for the Daily News.

And it occurred to me, you'd make a groovy subject for a piece, man.

Your whole trucking operation.

You wouldn't do that.

That's a fascinating story.

- You're a rotten kid. - I'm just trying to be helpful.

- I was a Boy Scout in my early adolescence. - You're wasting your time.

There's a wild coincidence, man. Lock, there's lvy now, with my sister, Gena.

Headline's "Truck Tycoon Trapped."

Hey, Gena.

Oh, lvy, there's Tim.

And I wonder who that good-looking man is with him.

Hey, Gena! Now, it's gonna be no problem at all to meet Ivy, man. No problem.

Hey, this is a surprise.

Yeah. I just talked Ivy into getting some shoes.

I don't need shoes.

Gena, this is Jack Parks. Jack, this is my sister, Gena.

- How do you do? - Hello.

You must be that marvelous Mr. Parks Tim's always talking about.

Yeah.

- You know, lvy, the one with all the trucks. - I never heard anything--

And this is lvy Moore, Jack.

- How do you do, Miss Moore? - Fine, I'm sure.

- I really don't need shoes. - Well, I don't see how you could...

...do without a pair of those...

...imported Italian Florentine flats.

Well, I gotta split.

Listen! Why don't we go down to the cafeteria for a bite? I'm starving.

- So am I. - I just fed you lunch.

I have a better idea. Mr. Parks, as long as you're in the neighborhood...

...come to the house for dinner. We'd love to have you.

- I thought you weren't coming home. - I changed my mind.

That's a great idea. What's for dinner tonight?

- I told you. Pot roast. - Groovy.

Jack, lvy's pot roast is out-of-sight, man.

I don't care for pot roast, man.

Neither do I. How about some of that fantastic bouillabaisse of yours?

Whatever you want.

Bouillabaisse takes a long time, but with me helping...

How is 9:00, Mr. Parks?

How is 9:00, Mr. Parks?

I have a feeling you're gonna get run over by a truck...

...and beaten up by a lot of colored people. Okay, babes?

Where to, man?

Get over to Northern Boulevard. I'll be picked up in Great Neck.

Not in Nassau! Do we have to?

- The state fuzz worry me. - A lot of things worry me, Jerry.

Now will you get up in the cab?

- Yeah. - Where's Jack?

- He's asleep again. - Well, wake him up.

Okay-

- What? - Billy wants you.

He called.

- Good evening. - Hi.

Hi. Big night tonight.

Hello.

And the winner, sir.

Dr. Morgan, a marker for 2 grand.

Numbers, dice. Big numbers!

Seven. The shooter loses.

- Having a rough night, Dr. Morgan. - Welcome back, Jack.

- My marker okay? - Yeah.

- Harry, give Dr. Morgan what he wants. - Thank you, Jack.

He's already into us for 5 grand from last month.

Yeah. What are you worried about?

Haven't you heard of the Morgan family?

Banks, Wall Street, the whole bit.

- He's one of those? - No, he's not.

He's a hustling chiropractor from Yonkers, So you don't let him get in too deep.

Business, man. I got problems with that shipping department.

Since when did you care?

Hey, this dress is gonna look fantastic on you.

- Wrong! - lvy, lvy, lvy.

- I won't wear it, and that's that! - You're a drag, you now that?

I mean, like, how come you keep your hair like this? Gotta be a better way.

- What difference does it make? - It's nothing to me.

But what if you go to live in the big city? You're gonna be looking to score with guys.

It just seems to me that you gotta be, you know, more with the scene.

- Anything else wrong with me? - I don't know. Gena?

Oh, if I could just have about 20 minutes with her.

Yeah. Like, see, maybe you could do something with her eyelashes.

- Oh, I could do so much with her eyes. - Yeah.

- Like sex them up, you know. - Right, right.

You're a fine one to talk.

Just look at you.

I agree with your father. You're a mess!

Go take a shower.

Okay, pick me up in a couple...

His car's here.

Hey, Jack, you're right on time. Oh, wow, you're gorgeous.

We're delighted you could come, Mr. Parks.

You'll love Ivy's cooking.

Excuse me.

Where are your folks? I thought they'd be here.

They suddenly couldn't make it, man. There's a big fire at the store.

Actually, it was a small fire. It could've been big, though.

Minor smoke damage?

- How about a drink? - I don't drink.

Some pot?

No, thanks.

Your folks know you keep pot in the house?

Oh, I haven't got any.

Then why did you ask me? Suppose I'd said yes?

Then I'd have looked around and pretended I'd just run out.

You're crazy.

Everybody over 30 like you think people my age are crazy.

That's the generation gap.

What's it called when people like you think everyone like me turns on all the time?

Stupidity?

I'll serve them. It's my job.

Evening.

Oh, won't you have some of Ivy's delicious canapés, Mr. Parks?

The stuffed green olives are...

Won't you sit down?

- Tim, why doesn't Mr. Parks have a drink? - No, he claims he doesn't drink.

- Coffee? - There should be some--

No, no. I'll get it. I'll get it.

Ivy, why don't you sit down.

These are very good.

Thank you.

Tell me, Mr. Parks, what do you think of the Black Power movement?

I think about it a lot.

- And do you approve of it? - I don't talk about it.

- Hey, coffee. - Oh, coffee.

Thank you.

Ivy goes to a lot of civil-rights meetings. Don't you, Ivy?

Once in a while.

It's a place sometimes to meet people.

I was in an elevator once with Ralph Bunche.

He stepped on my foot.

That can be a problem when you don't wear shoes.

No, he said, "Excuse me."

I've been on a lot of picket lines and things.

In fact, last year I was even in jail once overnight because I refused bail.

Ivy belongs to the NAACP. Don't you, Ivy?

Excuse me.

I really have to see about the dinner.

Excuse me.

I better help. Excuse me.

- What's the--? - Because he's colored...

-...you have to talk about colored things? - I don't.

Why do you make me sit in the living room? I never do that.

This is the first time we ever had a man like him here, Ivy. I think he likes you.

He doesn't like me.

If only you'd worn another dress.

- Gena! - Ivy...

...this is a business thing for Tim. It'll make him look good with Dad, okay?

Okay-

But I'm gonna serve the meal the way I'm supposed to.

- No nonsense about that. - Word of honor.

Coffee?

- No, thank you. - Yes, I'll have a cup.

- Would you like me to change the music? - No. It's fine.

- That was a very nice dinner. - Thank you.

It isn't hard when you know how.

Did you learn from your mama“?

My grandmama. She brought me up.

I hear that you...

I hear you wanna split from here. Why?

I mean, it looks like a pretty good setup.

Too good.

I don't want to die here.

Well, you gotta die some place.

Well, isn't it better if you don't go ignorant and alone?

Much better.

Thank you.

I want to go to school. Maybe learn to be a secretary.

I'd like to meet people.

- Where are you from? - Florida.

You're from the West Indies, aren't you?

Yes. You can still hear it?

A little.

Brandy, Jack?

- Bran--? - No, thank you.

Cigar?

Your father will kill you. Those are Cubans he smuggled from Canada.

He knows I smoke these all the time.

How do you like her?

She's okay. But she's not my type.

What, because she's a domestic?

The domestic.

You wind up married to a girl like that.

No, no. We don't want that, though. See, man. No...

- Would you like a pear with your cheese? - I would.

Where do you go on a big date?

- Out. - No, no. What do you do?

If I wanna take a chick out and I really wanna impress her.

First, I'd get dressed.

No, no. After that, man. I mean, like, what's your favorite food?

Japanese.

There's a lovely place on East 53rd Street.

But you gotta call the day before. Very expensive.

Tim, help lvy.

Ivy, you're beautiful. Listen, thanks a lot.

Business-wise, things are going great for me in there.

Better take that pear out to Jack.

And tell him it's okay for Monday.

- What's okay for Monday night? - He wants to take you out.

That's what he said. Dinner. Show.

- He didn't ask me. - Because Monday isn't your night off.

He figured he'd check with us.

I said it was fine. The folks are going to the golf banquet.

- What golf banquet? - The golf banquet.

You don't believe me? Ask Gena.

Get out there before he thinks you don't want to go.

Why would he want to take me out?

Maybe he's looking for a religious experience.

Monday night would be just fine.

- Monday? - For the Japanese dinner.

- Folks won't be home. Inventory. - Golf banquet.

Golf banquet.

Monday night.

You know, one good meal deserves another. So Monday night is just fine.

You two are really very cute.

I'm really beginning to like you.

That's better than not liking us.

Like I said, man, we love you.

Listen, my car should be here any minute now, but suppose I send it away?

Your folks aren't due back--?

- No, not for a couple of hours. - Why?

Well, since you're so interested in getting everybody all fixed up...

...how about me and you swinging together and let your brother take the maid?

You and me? What do you mean?

Come on, baby, you know what I mean.

And it doesn't matter that you don't have any pot. I got something much better.

If we all let our hair down...

...we could really, really trip out.

No, see, I don't think you quite understand.

What would you say they were, man?

Thank you.

- They look like aspirin. - Yeah. They look like aspirin.

Could I have a glass of water, please?

- Oh, no trouble at all. - Thank you.

They've got "B" written on them.

"B" is for "boffo," baby.

Two of those and we'll all be swinging from the chandeliers naked.

- Tim, he means an orgy. - Yeah.

See, I don't think you quite understand.

I understand, man.

I know where it's at with people like you in the suburbs.

Wife-swapping and key parties. But that ain't nothing, baby.

This is where it's at.

The car's here!

Thank you.

Just a little headache.

Thank you for the dinner.

We'll meet at the restaurant at 7:00, 220 East 53rd Street.

- Oh, you really don't have to, you know. - I know I don't.

See you.

Good night.

You know, I think he really does like me a little.

- Well, want to help with the dishes? - Oh, there aren't that many, Ivy.

Tim, what do you think?

Miss Moore?

Mr. Parks is awaiting you. Please.

Your shoes, please.

Your shoes.

Hello.

Some wild place.

Sit you down.

I ordered your sake warm, okay?

- Don't they speak English? - Yes.

Why do you talk to them in Japanese?

- Maybe because I'm pretentious. - No.

If you lucky enough to know a foreign language...

...you should use it as much as you can.

- Where'd you learn Japanese? - In the Army.

Don't mind my being served first. It's an old Japanese custom.

You like this kind of service, don't you?

Well, when you're born to it, baby.

Why pretend you haven't earned what you got?

Do I do that?

- I'd think you'd be proud. - Maybe.

But look at all you've done.

- What more you want? - I don't want to get married.

Did I say you did?

I just want that established.

I was married. That's a bad scene.

- Well, I don't want to get married either. - Yeah.

I don't!

I've scuffled for myself since I was 12...

...and I'm not giving that up for no two-bit hustler.

I don't mean you.

What could you want from me?

What would you be giving up?

I don't know.

The right to go where I want, do what I want.

Why did you come out with me...

...if there's nothing in it for you?

I'll have a good, interesting evening.

I'll steal an ashtray for my room.

That'll always remind me what a nice dinner we had.

It doesn't matter that we never see each other again. That happens.

Anyway, I get a nice dinner and Par-Tal Trucking stays in good with the Austins.

You do make me feel like a hustler.

- I don't mean to. - Does it happen often?

I mean, guys taking you out and, you know, not calling again.

Once in a while.

Those are the dues you pay for being free, aren't they?

Look, I know you have some place else to go.

What's it supposed to be, a play?

That's a real family. They live there.

All the time. Day and night. It's been going on for seven months.

How can I explain it? They just live there all the time.

Haven't you read about it?

I mostly watch TV. News and old movies.

Mama! I've got to go to the john!

Beautiful! Beautiful!

What happened?

They hardly ever say anything.

They're very alienated, you know.

It's just nice to be here when they say something.

Just like home, except if I worked for these people, I'd keep the place a lot neater.

I bet you would.

You've got six minutes to the 1:00.

I'll wait for the 3:30.

If I get home too early, I'll never be able to convince Gena and Tim...

-...that I had a wonderful time. -3:307

You mean you're gonna sit here for two and a half hours? Girl, that's crazy!

I did have a wonderful time.

Okay. Good night.

Good night.

You shouldn't wipe that off. It looks lovely.

Besides, it doesn't matter what people think.

See you.

Bye.

- Good morning. - Good morning.

I'll take care of this.

Kept some coffee hot for you.

Oh, it's too late.

Did you have a good time?

Marvelous.

He took me to see this weirdie family living on a stage.

The runaway priest still live with them?

- The one with the bongos? - Yeah.

When I was there two weeks ago, he was almost thrown out by the mother.

Don't you want some coffee?

See you at breakfast.

Ive?

Did he ask you out again?

Maybe he'll call.

He'd be crazy not to.

How are you?

Ace, deuce. Crap.

Down on the frontline. Coming out again.

Looking for me?

Pass the dice.

Buy me a drink?

Your dice, ma'am.

Brandy, please.

What can I do for you?

When are you gonna call lvy again?

Listen, you...

Why don't you just go on home?

- Don't blow your cool, man. - I'm not blowing my cool, man.

When I blow my cool, you get washed. Clear?

Now...

She was your family's maid, but she doesn't want to be anymore.

She wants to split. That's all there is to it.

No, no. Wrong, man.

I was a kid when Ivy came. I've known her half my life. She's like a sister.

- I don't wanna marry your sister. - Just take her out.

- You take her out. - I've thought of it. I've thought of it.

When I was 17, we were alone one night watching television, and I made a move.

She laughed. And I sprained my ankle.

Don't think that didn't come up in my analysis. I can't bear rejection.

Something wrong?

This hippie-dippy little mother is out-of-line again.

Oh, lay off him, man. He did his duty!

- Billy, are you married? - No. Separated.

Maybe you two could alternate.

Go home, boy. Play with your daddy's money.

See, I could make a very loud, indignant announcement...

...that these babies are loaded.

- Give me those dice. - No, no, no. I would.

You are gonna get smashed.

All you have to do is take her out once more.

I said, no.

Good evening, Mrs. Clark. Having a big night?

- Harry, I'm gonna need last night's receipts. - In a minute.

I'm sorry, we're booked for Monday, unless you want a single tomorrow.

Yes, we can take a pair near 6:00. Fine. You're all set. Bye-bye.

Hello, Par-Tal. Hi, Dr. Green. Sure, a single tonight? That's no problem.

Same place? Fine, you're set then.

Can I help you?

I'm looking for Mr. Parks' apartment.

Honey, I'm sorry. Jack's gotta work tonight.

- Who shall I say was calling? - That's all right.

Ivy Moore.

Wait a minute, wait a minute!

He's got a date with you.

- I thought he did. - I'm sorry, my mistake.

Harry, take over the pickups.

Mrs. Kling on two. Number one, Fifth Avenue.

Lurleen?

Your coat.

- I think we're going out. - No charge.

I'm Billy Talbot, Jack's partner.

- Is this the Par-Tal office? - The best part of it.

Hey, Jack.

The artist is Charles White.

- Hello. - Hey, man. It's late. You're not dressed.

- I'm taking Miss Moore out. - Take her with us.

- Jack, I need you. - What happens when I need you...

-...during the daytime operation? - That's not my bag.

- It's my bag. - Downstairs in 10 minutes. You too.

- Look, man, these 20-hour days-- - Ten minutes, man!

All right, kids. Turn off the television.

Five minutes with the fish, okay? That's all, five minutes.

Wake up, Morris, man. You're supposed to be vicious, baby. Come on, Morris.

- Who's been over-feeding Morris? - He's always hungry, Jack.

Piranhas are supposed to be hungry, baby.

A well-filled piranha is just another lazy fish, you hear?

I never saw a pet piranha before.

Well, it's a constant reminder to me of what it's like out there in the jungle of life.

Wake up!

This house is...

We own it. Par-Tal does, anyway.

- Any of these children yours? - No.

- Got any children of your own? - Nope.

I'm not sure I should even go out with you.

Why not?

Well, I seem to be in the way here.

Well, I didn't think I'd have to work tonight.

What kind of work do you do dressed like that?

You don't know?

Know what?

- I'm going to the movies. - Wait a minute.

Wait a minute.

Look, lady. I called you and asked you to go out, didn't I?

- Well, I'm gonna take you out, okay? - But you don't want to.

I want..

Say, what kind of place is this?

Lillian, look in on the kids and get them into bed for me, will you?

- Hey, Pat. - Hey, Billy.

- How many? - Thirty-six.

Okay, Billy, move her out.

And have Eddie check in at 11:30. I might want a pickup about 12:00.

You really didn't know about this, did you?

I don't know if I believe what I see even now.

- But I guess I should say I'm sorry. - What for?

There's nothing two-bit about your hustle.

Ladies and gentlemen, the games are now open.

Place your bets, please. Thank you.

Must be some lawbreakers abroad.

Must be.

Banco.

- What's it mean when they say "banco"? - I'll explain it to you later.

Those children there in the building, they just live there, huh?

Yes, like I said, we own the building, their parents work for us...

...and we all live in the house, okay?

Eleven. Winner, pay the line.

- I know a little bit about dice, and I got $10. - You're not allowed.

- Why not? - We don't take from blood.

- Yeah? - Do you want the pickup?

Well, do you or don't you?

I'm thinking, I'm thinking.

Listen to old lover-boy Billy. If you gotta think about it, don't do it.

Tell Eddie to...

...pick me up at 12:00. You know why?

I can handle her.

- Where is the...? - It's down that hall.

- What? - The bathroom.

I was looking for the kitchen.

You were looking for my kitchen?

Why were you looking for my kitchen?

I just wanna look at it.

Okay-

- My kitchen. - It's a little small.

Somebody really keeps it clean.

Lillian comes in every day, so I can't use you.

I'm not planning on doing that kind of work anymore.

Leave it. I will not get a hernia reaching for the ashtray.

You'd let me hold it if I was Japanese.

But you're not Japanese.

- You're a 28-year-old... - Twenty-seven.

- Colored girl looking to get married. - Why do you keep saying that?

Because I'm a 36-year-old colored man who's looking to stay single.

Is it true they give you baths?

- Who gives who baths? - Japanese girls.

I take showers twice a day.

Generally by myself. But it is fun to take...

-...a shower with someone. - I've never done that.

Well, you obviously have been going around with unsanitary men.

I don't go with anybody. Why don't you sit down and get comfortable.

I'm comfortable.

Why don't I rub your feet.

I can rub my own feet.

And I would, if they hurt.

Which they don't.

Just like color TV, the fish-tank. Or like home.

When I was a girl, my grandmama used to take me fishing.

Sometimes it was the only food we ever had.

- Do you ever go home? - No.

Well, there's a big orange-juice canning factory where my grandmama used to live.

Can I get you a cookie?

I think it's time I...

...took you home.

Oh, it's no problem. Tomorrow's my day off.

Well, I have to work night and day.

When you go to jail, can I bring you cookies?

That's not funny.

Will it be funny if you get caught?

You're a reformer. I knew it.

A holy-roller reformer.

I'm not.

I'm not anything. That's the trouble.

Wrong, lady.

- You're something. - Well, you don't want me...

...80 I can't be very much.

Suppose I did want you?

- I wouldn't mind. - You just throw yourself at anybody?

- Well, you're not just anybody. - That's right.

Look, I'll call Eddie, and he can ride you around a while before he takes you home.

Preserve your reputation as a swinger.

- Why wouldn't you mind? - Because I like you!

That goes to show how wrong you are. See that fish?

That piranha strikes at anything in its way. That's me.

And with little chicks like you, I'm murder, girl.

I mean, there are bodies strewn all over this city.

- I'll bet there are. - Yeah, you better believe there are.

You don't have to call anybody. I'll take the bus.

Oh, no, you won't.

I'm not going through that again, seeing you in that miserable place by yourself.

You're not giving me guilts, baby.

Well, I'm not going home in a limousine.

- All right, I'll take you home. - I don't want you to.

Come on.

Why'd you even bring me here?

Let's call it temporary insanity.

The last thing I wanna do is get involved with someone like you.

Well, you don't have to see me anymore.

- What kind of talk is that? - But I do like you.

You shouldn't like me.

I'm no good. I'm a piranha.

- What are you doing? - You were asleep.

And I couldn't sleep.

It's so quiet here.

- Do you know what? - What?

- There's one bobwhite at the Austins'. - Yeah?

Drives me crazy.

Your people are home.

I saw them through the window.

Go back to sleep.

Hey!

Let's take a shower.

Later.

Wait for me. I'll be out soon.

Come by at about 8:30, and I'll fix you something cold.

Hi.

Something sure smells good.

It may interest you to know that I have a limousine waiting.

And it is because that is class.

- Now, tell me everything. - Later. You get back to that blender.

- Well, I'll help just as soon as I change. - No, no, no, no.

It's still your day off. And besides, you have someone waiting.

Yes, ma'am.

I give you a simple thing to do, and you make a mess of it.

- Mother! - Can't you hear him?

- Where's his gray blazer? - His gray blazer.

- Hey, where's lvy? - Changing.

- Wherever Ivy put it, Frank! - You catch the limousine bit?

- Where are you going, Tim? - I'm going downtown for a burger.

I am making dinner, and you will stay and eat it.

I can't find it anywhere. And there's no hot water!

It was supposed to be fixed, Frank!

- She must've really made out. - I cannot bear vulgarity!

What's going on? Did you call the employment agency?

Why hasn't that been done? Why are we without a maid?

Why are we eating here on lvy's night out?

What are you trying to prove, Doris? This is ridiculous!

There's no ice in the bar.

I want my gray blazer!

Ivy?

- Ivy? yes?

Mr. Austin can't find his gray blazer.

It'll be back from the cleaner's tomorrow.

But, Ivy, there doesn't seem to be any hot water.

I know. It's that starter.

- It's manual. - Manual?

I'll fix it before I go.

Ivy?

I've never made gravy in my life.

Gena knows how.

What a terrible mistake.

I'm so stupid, Ivy.

Yes, I have such feelings of inadequacy.

So I decided, "Well, I've run a home before. I'll do it again."

It's a disaster.

- I tell you, that dinner smells good. - No, it doesn't.

- You're just out of the habit. - Why am I out of the habit?

Because I'm so used to you doing everything for me.

I've become too dependent, lvy, and that's always bad.

Oh, I don't know. Now and then you meet someone...

-...you don't mind depending on. - Like Mr. Parks?

Maybe.

You going out to dinner again with him tonight?

Right now.

Dinner and...

He wants to take me out to dinner, but I think I'm gonna cook for him.

Then a movie and...

...then...

...just, you know.

Yes, I know.

Did he ask you out tonight?

- Well, yes. - He asked you?

- Yes, why? - Well, it's simply...

...that I don't want you to get into any trouble, lvy.

No danger of that. I got those pills Gena gave me.

Pills. Pills?! Gena?

She said they were from your prescription.

- I was talking about the gambling. - Mother, the roast is ready--

- What do you know about the gambling? - Oh, Lord.

What did you have to threaten him with this time to get that limousine here?

- Mother, please! - What do you know about the gambling?

Well, won't somebody answer me?

Later.

I wanna know what you all know about Jack Parks!

What's going on?

- Ivy, what's the matter? - lvy, it isn't Mom's fault.

- She knows only what we told her. - I just learned.

- What did you learn? - What is it?

- Listen, lvy-- - Do you know about that truck?

- Yes. - Is that how you got him to do it?

- Do what? - Mother, it was not any of your business.

I guess it wasn't any of my business either!

So that's how you did it!

Threatened to tell about the gambling if he didn't take me out!

- He never wanted to take me out! - What gambling?

The worst I figured was he wanted to stay in good.

- Ivy, you're making too much of this. - I trusted you!

- You were supposed to be my friend! - I am your friend.

- You expect to make me stay here? - That's why we did it.

- Who did what? - Is that so bad, that we love you enough...

-...to want you to stay? - That's not why you want me to stay.

We'll even send you to secretarial school, the same way we'd send Tim and Gena.

Frank and I talked about it, didn't we, Frank?

You can live here and go to school, like they do.

I don't wanna be like Gena and Tim! Milk-fed and coddled!

I'm going to leave and live in the city, now!

- Ivy, please, will you let me explain? - Ivy, Ivy...

Ivy, I wanna know what's going on.

- Oh, Frank. - Don't "Oh, Frank" me!

Ivy, please. I don't understand, you know, ...

Whatever they did...

...well, maybe they meant well.

I hope they did.

Some big joke.

My hustler boyfriend.

And my family.

Ivy, I didn't mean to. Please, Ivy.

Nobody has to trick anybody into taking you out. Nobody!

Leave her alone.

You're all fired.

I don't want your crummy job.

And I don't mean only from the job. You're fired from the family.

- You cretin! And get your hair cut! - Don't you shout at him!

- Ready”? - No!

You can take off without me.

Well, what am I gonna tell Jack?

You tell him, for me, that I said that he's a low-down...

...scroungy, lowlife, miserable, rotten...

...West Indian!

Sure.

Ivy, please. Ivy, just...

- Get off the phone! - I have to call Lenny.

- Yeah, that's another cretin! - Now, I can't let him walk into this!

Tim?

Could I...

...borrow your old camp trunk?

Sure, Ive.

Thank you.

All right.

If that's what everybody wants...

...that's the way it's going to be.

I don't need any maid.

I used to run this house before lvy came...

...and I can run it again.

I don't have to go to Europe on the buying trip.

I don't have to work in the store anymore.

- Where is she? - She didn't come.

- I can see that, man, but why? - I don't know why, man.

She told me to tell you you were a scroungy, rotten, lowlife...

I lost her after "lowlife."

You stick close tonight. I may need you. Use my car.

What happened, baby?

- Turn right. - Jersey's to the left, baby.

We're going on Northern Boulevard.

To Nassau again? You're crazy.

- Jerry. - Okay.

- I'll have Eddie pick you up. - I won't be long. Circle around a while.

Oh, man!

- Why are we stopped? - We're on Long Island.

- Where? - The Austin house.

Then he's insane. Get out of here, man.

- He wants 10 minutes. - All right.

Give him 10 minutes, but have Eddie pick him up.

Okay-

What do you want?

- Where is she? - Doris, call the police.

Ivy?

On top of everything else, breaking and entering.

Ivy?

She's in there.

Get away from my door! I don't wanna see you!

Ivy, open this door, or I'll bust it down.

All right?

All right!

All right, now...

- Ivy-- - I told Eddie to--

He gave me your message.

- He forgot what came after "lowlife." - Rotten West Indian!

- I came to take you out of here. - No, you're not.

My guys will pick up your stuff later.

Come an, lvy.

Will you come on?

Help! He's a murderer!

I'll handle this. Why haven't the police arrived?

- Will you let me, please? - Tim!

- On top of everything else, kidnapping. - Tim.

Ivy, will you--? Now-- Stop running, girl, and listen to me!

- What do you want from me? - I told you, to take you out of here.

Well, she doesn't wanna go with you.

When did you start to care what she wants?

I care.

- I've always cared. - Just a minute, Doris. Let me handle this.

- Par-Tal is fired. My lawyer-- - What's Par-Tal got to do with this?

Well, isn't that why you got involved with Ivy in the first place?

Yes, that's right. I played your miserable game.

I allowed myself to be used because I thought I needed you. I don't need you!

There are other accounts.

And she doesn't need you.

Look, you had better get used to the idea of doing without her.

I mean, the whole world will not come to an end because your maid wants to quit.

You just may discover that you can survive without one little colored girl.

- Come on. - I don't want to go with you!

I'm taking you into the city. That's where you wanted to go, isn't it?

- Well, now you get what you want. - How does anybody know what I want?

Nobody asks me. People just tell me.

"Ivy, stay." "lvy, go."

- Doesn't anybody say "please"? - All right.

- Please. - No!

- Just a minute. - Hold it!

- Out of my way. - If you'll all just listen to me a second...

...I have a solution to everything!

- Ivy, I think we should get married. - Tim.

If that's too big a move for openers, we could live together a while.

- We'll get a little place in the East Village. - Tim.

- Okay, the West Village. - He means it.

Ive...

It makes perfect sense to me.

You're very attractive.

And you cook great, and nobody can say we don't know each other.

- And there just seems to be one problem. - What might that be?

You and Mom might object to the fact that lvy is six years older than I am.

Five and a half.

Ive...

I'd get a haircut if you asked me to.

I'll wear regular shoes.

I'll get a good job.

Like in advertising or something.

Ive?

You think it over, Ive!

I guess she has to think it over.

How am I gonna tell him no?

He'll understand.

The age difference.

It's not funny.

I guess it's not funny.

Ivy.

- Ivy, I came up here tonight" - For yourself.

No, to apologize.

No, you didn't.

You came because you feel guilty.

That's a part of it, I guess.

- Isn't that all of it? - No.

- I want to wipe the slate clean. - Okay.

So it's clean.

I don't need you to carry my bags and take me into New York.

That's not what I want to do.

- No?

Last night--

You don't owe me anything from last night.

If you don't stop being defensive, you're liable not to hear what I'm saying, okay?

Now...

Last night...

... made a commitment.

- I didn't ask for-- - It's nothing you asked for.

It's something I felt. It's something you can't control.

And, listen, that can be a little scary, especially when you...

When you think you don't want it.

Up until last night, it was all because of them.

But when I asked you for a date tonight, it was because of you.

And tonight when I was waiting for you...

...at the warehouse, I found myself really waiting...

...for you.

See?

And I was thinking...

...about all the wonderful ways...

...your face looks.

And I heard...

...that...

...slurry, down-home way you have of talking.

And I was...

...wondering what delicious kind of...

...thing you'd be wearing.

And I found myself...

...grinning a lot...

...at nothing in particular, just grinning.

And I had it all figured out that when you came up in the car...

...I would whip open the door...

...and scoop you up...

...and give you the biggest, fattest, juiciest...

...hello kiss you ever had.

Like this:

- Is that a hello kiss? - It ain't no goodbye kiss.

Listen, you...

Now...

I don't know where this is gonna take us...

...but for openers at least, it's gotta take us to New York.

There's a man at the door who wants to see you.

- Time to go. - He's really hysterical.

That little bag is all you'll need.

I'm giving you your last chance.

My last chance to do what, man?

To keep your mind on business, that's what, man.

Par-Tal's my business, man.

And what is that? A taxi service for lonely domestics?

I'm telling you, man, I'm bored with your behavior.

And I am bored working nights in that stupid truck.

And I'm bored with this square daytime deal.

Keeping books, making deliveries, making out with people I don't even like...

-...like the Austins. - What are you gonna do about it, man?

You like Par-Tal? You want Par-Tal? You can have Par-Tall

- I'll take it. - You got it!

Just give me the nighttime deal.

- We divvy right down the line. - You take Par-Tal, and I take that truck.

- You've got a deal. - You bet we got a deal. Shake.

Okay-

- You mean that, Billy? - Sure, I mean it.

The lawyers can work it out fair and square.

Yeah, we should have thought of that before.

- Yeah, makes sense, doesn't it? - Yeah.

You get what you want, I get what I want.

That's Eddie with your car. I'll take him back with me in the truck.

I'll see you around, man.

Now we begin.

- This is really leaving. - Yes, it is. Does it scare you?

- A little. How about you? - Nothing to be afraid of.

What are you gonna do?

- What? What? - Fine mess I got you into.

Compassion won't get me anything now, baby. Just bail me out of here.

You got it. What else can I do for you?

One call to my lawyer, one call to my lawyer.

How would you like a full-time, hardworking, daytime partner?

- You gotta get up at 7:30 every morning. - Say hello to Mr. Early-Morning Riser.

I Think I'd like that. Billy, you're gonna love being legitimate.

Sure.

You're not going to jail, huh?

Not a chance. But in case we did go to jail, would you bring us cookies?

- All right. - Something else.

- What? - What have you got against West Indians?