Original subtitles

Ladies, welcome to this week's meeting

of the Literary Ladybugs.

Last month's discussion

of The Poisonwood Bible was wonderful.

Oh, I'm still thinking about it.

The wife character.

Oh, Orleanna--

Orleanna Price.

Yeah she was so strong.

But so fragile.

All those years in her husband's shadow.

Oh.

Should I read the Bible-Bible,

now that I've read The Poisonwood?

Oh, I wouldn't bother, the female characters are terrible.

Don't sleep on Salome.

Oh, Blaine, you are my gift that keeps giving.

Just call me the snack man.

He is a snack.

Yes, thank you Blaine,

just don't be distraction to sweet Lenora.

No boys allowed?

How come he gets to play?

Edwin designs costumes for the Met.

Not a distraction.

He looks pretty distracted to me.

Anyway, I got your emails

that some of our recent books were too long.

Which brings us to our latest read,

Anna Karenina, SparkNotes.

- Yes. - I couldn't put it down.

Beautiful summaries.

Did you see the index?

Oh, I didn't.

Candice, the font is so beautiful.

Um.

Nathan, you snuck up on us.

You all know my delicate son, Nathan.

Hey.

And say hi to Debbie.

Hey, Nathaniel!

Hi Debbie.

What did he say?

You're looking extra pale, honey,

let's remember the Vitamin D.

What the hell is this?

Our book club.

The Literary Ladybugs.

Formerly known as the Babes in Bookland.

Soon to be known as The Spine-Al-Taps, that was mine.

Is there any reason why you're in the middle

of my living room?

Our living room.

I told them it was all right.

Thanks so much Blaine.

You got it.

So, you decided to monopolize my space once again.

Well, I'm sorry we're in your space, honey,

but you know our townhouse.

No matter which floor you're on

there is no good light for another hour.

And I can't be trusted in the dark.

You all having wine?

Hey, the more the merrier.

I disagree, actually.

They're having wine, Roger!

How about you let the woman

who paid for your apartment use it as she pleases?

Can you all see me?

I mean, I think I should lean in.

Can you see me if I-

Roger, you were wrong, I need to lean in!

What happened to my clothes?

Oh, Blaine spilled his Hoegaarden on my blouse.

And you could see my brassiere.

I certainly couldn't attend book club

with an exposed brassiere, right, Blaine?

Can you imagine my attending book club

with an exposed brassiere?

Okay, well, all my clothes are wet.

Just borrow some of my clothes.

That's so nice Blaine, do you have a child's medium?

Go digging, buddy.

I'm telling you girls, Blaine could fix a light bulb

if it shattered.

Well you could shatter my heart.

I will if you're not careful.

Let's begin.

What was your initial reaction to Anna Karenina SparkNotes?

Did it draw you in right from the beginning,

or did it take some time?

You know what I loved?

That character list...

- Ooh! - Those Russian names though?

It's too long.

But so beautiful to look at.

Yes.

Anyone need more wine?

Whoa, twist my arm.

I was really getting into it.

Anna was having that gorgeous affair with Count Vronsky

and then she kills herself?

I am so tired of character synopses that end like that.

Yeah I was really invested in Anna's affair

during the summaries of the first five parts,

and then, you know I started skimming,

and then...

I lost track.

Are you gonna finish that?

And why is it, the moment she gets some action,

she kills herself?

Oh I don't know, let's see,

because it was written by a man?

I hate men.

Look, after I left Bruce,

oh Nancy you don't know this.

After I left Bruce, I went on a full sexual walkabout.

Slept with at least a dozen men in the tri-state area,

and some in New England.

Look at me.

Not dead yet.

Wow.

Where'd he go?

Bruce sells auto parts in Toledo.

Oh God, that is so sad.

Uh, no, where's my boyfriend?

Which one, me or Walker?

Who's Walker?

I don't know a Walker.

Oh, speaking of walkabouts,

he's the guy Nate slept with.

Nathan!

Why are you telling them this?

Luke could never lie to me.

I could never lie to Ellen.

And you wanted to talk about that here?

This is where you wanted to discuss it?

This is a discussion circle.

Can someone tell me where we are?

Because I can't find what page, I just can't find it.

What's wrong with you?

Ooh, someone hand him a glass of wine.

I don't want wine.

No, just an open relationship.

So that's why you wanted to wear my clothes!

Is my face flushed?

We can change the subject,

but whoops, cat's out of the bag.

Nate's sleeping with Walker.

They got all sweaty and they did it all night.

Thank you for inviting me.

Now, this is actually fabulous,

and we can use this as an opportunity--

Yes, yes, it's just like Anna's complacency

with Karenin and her deep-rooted desire for Vronsky.

And don't get me started on Kitty's appetite for Vronsky,

launching her into a union with Lëvin,

thereby confusing feminine subservience with happiness.

For real.

You got all that from the SparkNotes?

Well darling, the print is so large.

Why don't you go warm up the bed?

Now, let's turn to the study guide.

Does anyone have the page number?

52!

Thank you, Nancy.

Now in discussing Anna's, well, walkabout--

Okay, I'm not sleeping with Walker.

Yes, I mean, I was with...

But actually in terms of--

Honey, why don't you join the circle?

No, I'm not joining the circle.

That is such a Prince Stepan Arkadyevich Oblonsky thing

to say.

It so is.

Nathaniel, I'm quite impressed with your exploration.

I've always encouraged my own children to do the same.

With Lacy and Logan it was much harder.

I could never get them to leave their little tree house.

What they did up there all those nights we'll never know.

But Luke, I hope you've been able to explore as well.

Yeah, I should probably cut back.

Especially since you've only been with the one.

Cut back?

Well, to be fair, I've only had actual sex with...

Wait, hold on.

You don't know the number?

Well, are we counting oral, ass play, fetish

and my slaves, or I--

Ladies, play close attention.

Because this connects right back to Vronsky's racehorse.

Mom, be quiet.

Nathan, in the Literary Ladybugs,

we use discussion phrases like, "in addition to that",

or "taking a contrasting"--

I'm not in your book club.

Not with that tone, you're not.

Why don't you have some wine, Nate?

Thank you.

Ooh, it's been a week.

I thought we agreed to try this out and see how we feel.

If I knew you were going to sleep with half of Manhattan--

Don't slut-shame me.

Don't slut-shame him.

You were saying?

Now does group sex count as one,

or do I count each individual?

Oh my God, I'm gonna lose my mind.

Let's focus back in.

Part seven, Anna's death.

Too sad, right?

Mom, no one wants to hear from you right now!

Don't talk to her like that.

Thank you Luke.

Of course, of course you take each other's side,

like always.

Is anybody on my side, or am I just like, completely alone?

I am never not on your side.

Well it doesn't feel that way

for somebody who's always here but I have no privacy,

and I barely have a boyfriend unless you count the guy

who screws anything that moves.

- That's my son.

And I feel like I am about to burn down this apartment

if you do not give me the details.

So how many guys, Luke, I want a number.

Who cares?

You slept with Walker, you had your fun.

We stopped halfway through!

You still went out with him!

Because you told me to!

Boys, this is not in the SparkNotes.

Mum, shut up!

Walker was one guy and you went out with what?

20?

Or 30?

Okay, ladies, why don't we reschedule?

Yeah, yeah, that is the best news

that I have heard all day.

Right, so more on Anna Karenina next week.

Anna Kare-

Oh my God, I bought the wrong book.

I'm so sorry, everyone.

Trish, Nancy.

No, no, no, no, this is a good thing.

Because now, you're finally getting the hell out of my life.

And now, maybe, you can finally have a life of your own!

Nate.

You are my life.

And you don't think that's a problem?

This is the biggest mistake I've ever made.

Call her later when you cool down.

No, no, no.

You are the biggest mistake I have ever made.

You don't care about me.

You make me feel like you have all the answers,

and I have none,

so you concoct this open relationship bullshit

as a way to push me away,

because actually you don't care about me.

So how many guys did you fuck?

Please tell me, I really wanna know!

Just give me a number!

Zero.