Original subtitles

I never should have let you stay here.

Yeah, well, I'm gone in a week.

I want you out in the morning.

Fuck!

He doesn't hate you!

He's just intimidated by you and he's a monster like in a very casual way.

It's been a really good week without him, and I have gotten a lot of work done...

I don't even care what he's been up to but what do you think he's been up to?

No! Aaron, I don't have feelings for him. That's-

That's ridiculous!

Yeah! I mean, Luke is handsome if you're the kind of person who likes symmetry,

but, hello, we live in Los Angeles.

Oh - um...

He's, um, calling me right now. Should I, uh...

Okay, um, okay, I'm gonna call you back.

Hello?

Hiiii...

- So I think I left my razors at your place. - I'm sorry for the way things escalated... Oh.

I can swing by in about a half hour, pick them up?

Okay. Sure.

- Yo. - It was open.

Look, I'm not proud of how I acted.

In front of everyone. That was...

Well, it just came spilling out and it was like this freight train,

I couldn't even stop it.

Oh! Sure. Sure.

I really hate that I told you to leave, but you know,

you and I both know this was not working.

At first it was all retweets and Jessica Jones.

But then I meet Aaron, who's, you know, like, just the greatest, and,

okay, like, before our first date, you were telling me,

do you remember this? You were kind of helping me?

You remember that? That was really fun.

And Aaron keeps asking me,

"Why does Luke despise me? Did I do something?" And I'm like,

"he doesn't despise you, he will follow you back eventually, trust me."

But you, of all people, know my success rate with guys, so why wouldn't you root for this?

Aaron is like, a ten. And I'm like a Midwestern six, seven at best.

And it's like this big moment for me,

like, I can't tell why he even likes me, like why is he even attracted to me? It's actually crazy and I do not understand it.

And all I wanna do is celebrate this with you, my best friend,

but all you wanna do is shit on it.

And how many guys come over here, and I just let it happen

in my bed, and make you huevos rancheros

while I watch you stick your tongue down someone's throat who you're never even gonna see again,

and look, I don't judge. Look at me. I don't judge!

But it just feels like, and please, you gotta just stop me if I'm totally off-base here, but it feels like...

Aaron and I, we have this connection, and then maybe you...

Or... not! I don't know!

But you gotta tell me!

You never want to talk about anything serious, you make fun of me every time I do,

and then cut to us screaming at each other in front of all of our friends and ruining a perfectly good round of Mafia, it's insane!

If you care about this friendship, then you will just talk to me.

I shouldn't have to choose between my boyfriend and my best friend!

It's not fair, so please don't make me!

This, this has gotten so out of hand, and

I know that I've pissed you off here and there,

and I know that I'm a lot to handle,

but you are a lot too!

And I miss you!

A lot.

Say it again.

I miss you so mu--

- Does this- - I bought you Twitter followers last night.

You... What did you do?

Well I knew you wanted more.

So I bought you like fifteen thousand Twitter followers.

On a website. You can do that.

Umm... that's not-

Now you have a bunch. I just thought...

- Okay... - 'Cause you had said that...

Am I breaking up with Aaron? I mean-

It was sort of a goodbye gift.

No, no listen, we can...

...If you want.

I'm getting transferred. My job.

What does that mean?

I'm moving to New York.

Wait, what?!