Original subtitles

Aaaand it is night.

Everyone, eyes closed, heads down.

- I see you peeking! - I see you peeking at me peeking!

- No peeking! - Fuck you.

Now. If you're the Mafia,

I need you to open your eyes,

choose silently one person among you to kill.

- Don't kill me, Mafia! - This is so exciting!

Everyone! Be quiet.

- I'm too beautiful to die. - Agree to disagree.

Excuse me! The townspeople of Valerie Cherish Valley are supposed to be sleeping!

- Sorrryyy. - Mafia, have you selected your kill?

Okay. Eyes closed. Heads down.

Detective? Wake up, and choose one person among you to check,

and I'll tell you whether or not they're the Mafia.

Thank you, Detective, head down.

Medic? Choose one person to save.

Uh-huh. Thank you, Medic.

Aaaand everybody wake up!

Last night. While the good townspeople of Valerie Cherish Valley slept silently in their beds,

There was a fire at the Old Mill!

Oh my God was everyone okay?

No, Alice. Somebody died. That's how this works.

Can I guess who the Mafia is?

- No, you're dead! - Right, but Marcus died.

Well, the group thought that Marcus was the Mafia,

so the group voted Marcus out, and Marcus went home

to spend some time with his "roommate."

You, my dear, are very much still here, you are dead,

and your eyes have been open the whole time!

Right, so I have a really good guess.

Okay, you know what? New rule! New rule.

Anyone who's been killed is not allowed to speak.

Oh! Right. Also, quick announcement: I bought a cookie cake for everyone,

- Yes, Alice! -Yaaaas! - So it'll be here in like thirty, forty-five minutes.

Oh my God, I love cookie cake!

- I don't eat. - Okay, look!

There was a fire at the Old Mill!

And when the owner of the Mill saw his family business going under,

He was, well he was so blinded with rage,

that he shot his domestic partner point blank

in the face!!

- Noooo!

- I'm sorry, Aaron, but you are dead.

Yeah. So just go ahead and take your lifeless gay carcass and remove it from the circle.

What was Aaron's role? Can we read his card?

No! Alice! No! We cannot read cards!

Well it has been an honor and a privilege, and I hope you catch the bastards who did this to me.

- See ya! - Bye! - Bye!!

Uh, there's some beer in the fridge.

Thanks, Luke.

If you wanted to grab me one.

Hah.

Why'd he have to be a domestic partner? He couldn't have been a husband?

Because that's the story. Okay?

They signed papers in a swing-state in the mid-nineties and they just never updated.

How many Mafia are there?

- Three. - That's a lot.

Okay! So. Are there any accusations?

Um. I'm pretty sure it was Tabitha.

- Why is it me? - I mean you haven't said anything this whole time.

I don't even know how to play this game. Like, this is my first time.

- You have your arms crossed. - Oh my God look, her arms are totally crossed.

That's because I'm nervous! Like, I don't know any of you, at all!

- She's a newer friend. - What about Paul?

You were talking a lot during that night round like you were trying to distract us.

You were talking a lot, too.

Yeah but you're wearing that shirt.

Okay. Look. You don't want to kill me.

Only a Mafia would say that.

It's just not a great shirt.

I'm the Detective, you guys.

- He's lying. - I'm not lying. - He's lying!

If you kill me, you all will be making a big mistake!

Luke's right. That's such a Mafia thing to say.

- Ugh. - Yes! - Josh has a point! - No. No!

It's like you can't trust anyone anymore.

Nathan! You having a party!

- Uh, hi Debbie! - I brought you a cheese plate.

I think Paul is the Mafia. And I say that we all kill him,

and put it on YouTube! - Okay.

Kill him! Kill her. Kill yourself.

Okay. Okay, everybody. Looks like we've got Tabitha and we've got Paul on the chopping block.

Are there any other final accusations to be made?

Luke.

I'm sorry, honey, can you speak up? You whisper too much.

Luke is the Mafia.

- No I'm not. - Please. Look at him.

Nice try, Nate. I'm not the Mafia.

He's lying. You can always tell when Luke is lying, 'cause it's every time he opens his mouth.

Wow. Interesting tactic there, dickface.

Listen. I'm kidding. I'm sorry. I'm totally kidding, but,

but you turn over Luke's card and I will bet you a hundred bucks that it's an Ace.

- Not the Mafia. - Luke, hold on.

Let Nate finish his accusation.

I mean, who else would want to kill Aaron, huh? Just think about it.

Wait, but everyone gets killed eventually, right?

Unless, of course, the Mafia's the last one standing.

I mean, Aaron's handsome, he's sweet, he's nice to me, of course Luke killed him.

- Nate... - No I'm serious.

I really, really like you.

You don't tease me, or manipulate me, or make me feel like shit all the time.

You listen to me. You, you, you laugh at my jokes. You know, he even cooks me breakfast.

I hear he knows Laura Dern.

So Luke killed him. 'Cause there was some fire at the Old Mill.

And Luke is the Mafia, so just, let's kill him off.

I kinda thought he was a townsperson.

If I wanted to kill Aaron, he'd be dead the first round.

Yeah! Wait.

I didn't do anything to your boring little boyfriend, okay?

He's not boring. You are a bad friend.

Literally all I do is listen to you whine. Now you have a boyfriend, you're still whining.

Act like an adult, stop mooching off your parents, do something with your life.

Says the guy who looks at Instagram for a living.

I have an actual job!

Unlike you who doesn't contribute anything except anxiety and fun facts about Aaron.

Guess what? I don't give a shit about Aaron.

- Awesome. - I told you he killed him.

I'm sorry everyone. This is how Nate plays party games. He doesn't know any better.

Turn over your card! We all know it's an Ace!

Oh my God. Are you gonna be okay?

I mean were we ever really friends?!

You were always sort of a leech.

I mean, you grab onto the first guy who looks in your direction.

Right, because God forbid we're not all looking at you.

I don't need you looking at me, Nate, just,

remember that I exist!

Well guess what? Your feelings are not my priority!

I KNOW!

I never should have let you stay here.

Yeah, well, I'm gone in a week.

I want you out in the morning.

Shall we vote?