Original subtitles

I mean, he’s an actor, he’s better looking than me,

I have a hard time understanding why he’s still so nervous around me.

Well, maybe it’s all an act. Maybe he’s about to pull up, throw eggs at your face,

and call you Josie Grossie.

No, I think he really likes me.

I’ve hooked up with lots of actors. Trust me, they’re very vulnerable, anxious people.

Most of ‘em are on medication for depression.

Oh, no, no, he's not.

How do you know, have you asked him?

I mean, did you ever think you’d be dating someone more neurotic than you?

Okay, um, that's him.

So this conversation is... over.

Tyler...!

Hi, Nate!

What, what are...?

Thanks for the retweet. I got so many new followers.

Yeah. So no more complaining.

I missed you.

Prove it.

Go downstairs, wait for me.

You knew that Aaron was coming over.

Yeah? It's a big apartment.

It is my bed, Luke. You can't just-

Come on. It's our bed.

It's not like you and Aaron are using it any time soon.

You don't know that.

Oh. But I do.

You guys are like a straight couple.

You don't even like him!

So?

I've decided you should be my boyfriend.

Whoa.

Also hi how are you.

Good?

We’ve been dating for almost a month now and I really like you and I’m not dating anyone else and I get the sense that you feel the same way that I do?

And you don’t seem the type who would ask me to prom and then show up to my house in a limo and it looks like you’re holding a rose

but then it’s eggs and you throw eggs at my dress, I cry!

Is that Never Been K-

I also don't even care if you’re on anti-depressants because truth be told I take plenty of Klonopin myself.

And just because I want to date you more officially doesn’t mean we have to rush into the physical things but also it means we CAN, when you’re ready, you know?

Say something.

Can I come in?

Yeah.

Nate doesn't mind we're in his bed?

He loves it, actually.

- Really? - Yeah.

He's a kinkster.

He really likes to listen to it, by the way,

so don't hold back.

I didn't know Luke was seeing anyone.

He's not.

Ah. To be young.

So, Nate- - Listen, this is-

Luke knew that you were coming over-

He plays this, this, this game...

I really actually don't want to talk about Luke.

- Okay. - Yeah.

Doobeedoobeedoo!

Well. This is better.

Yes it is. Okay, listen, when I was talking to you before about-

Nathan?! Is that you?!

Oh hi, Debbie, hi, how are you?

Hi honey. Did you have a break-in last night?

Wait, what are you talking about?

Well, I was gonna call you but I don't have your number so I called your parents.

What happened?

Well. I came out on the deck late last night,

and there were two gentlemen up there?

Now I know that one of them wasn't you because you've got that sweet little piccolo voice.

Anyway, I called out your name, and, well then it just went quiet. I mean quiet as a graveyard.

So I pretended to go back into my flat, you know,

I slammed the door real loud but I stayed out here, kind of like Murder She Wrote?

Anyway! After a while, do you know what I heard?

The sounds of intercourse!

Luke.

Nathan, honey. You know that I love the gays.

I marched in the gay pride parade this summer with the TD Bank. It was hot.

- Jesus. - But my grandkids come over to visit quite often and,

I don't want them exposed to outdoor sex, especially since

they haven't been exposed to indoor sex!

Were they friends of yours?

Nathan?

Listen. All those things that I said before, I am sorry,

I should not have thrown that at you. So just,

Let's forget all of that.

I dont want to forget it!

Why?

I thought you already were my boyfriend. Right?

- Yeah! - Yeah.

- Okay. - Okay!

Um. Just. Um. Wait here.

Okay!

I’m just saying, it took several years of eating disorders and various addictions but I finally feel like me, you know?

Knock, knock, cover up!

Hey Tyler, put these on and give Luke and me a second to talk?

These are not cute.

Oh my god. Are you.. Aaron Rispoli?!

- Oh... - You are. Oh my god, Chatty Chad is like my favorite show ever! What are you doing here?!

Wait. Oh my god. I must be dreaming! This is amazing!

Okay...?

Oh.

- YAAAASSS! - Oh, you got it?

Yah. Oh. I’m gonna need you to post this to your instagram first.

What’s your number? - Nate??

- Actually... - 212? 646?...

What's up?

I think it’s time for you to move out.