Original subtitles

[theme music playing]

Oh, wow.

What a story.

Good, huh?

Huh, fantastic.

I mean, what a writer, what a woman.

Well, you got any idea what our next assignment is yet?

Well, sure.

I thought you'd never ask.

You mean you know?

Yeah.

Why do you act so surprised?

Because every time I ask you what

the next assignment is, you say something like, I don't know.

All I know is that we're supposed to be here.

Does the name Natasha Gudonov ring a bell?

Does the name Natasha Gudonov ring a bell?

Are you kidding?

She's my favorite.

That's who I've been reading!

Here, look at this.

"The Krakov Caper, the True Story of Secret Agent Roger

Bolt," by Natasha Gudonov.

Ah, Natasha Gudonov, a woman that is the envy of all women

and desired by all men--

tall, blond, mysterious, sultry, beautiful, as alluring as she

is deadly, a former double-agent agent from Moscow.

Her real name is Helen Hopnagel

and she's a former fast food waitress from Milwaukee.

You're kidding.

No, I'm not kidding.

Well she still looks like this though, right?

Mm-hm.

Good.

That's all that counts.

Mark.

Well, you know, all I mean is, what does

it matter what her name is?

She needs help.

I mean, this is a person whose prayers need answering.

I mean, it's a crummy job, but somebody's got to do it.

And we will do it, Jonathan, because she is our assignment.

She's not our assignment.

Don't say that.

Well, Mark, she's not our assignment.

I asked you not to say that.

Oh come on.

Don't sulk.

I'm not sulking.

All right.

I am sulking.

You get me all worked up about Natasha Gudonov and then--

Look, all I did was ask if her name rang a bell.

Well it did. It did.

It rang a whole lot of bells.

OK?

Do you want to know what our assignment is?

No.

All right, yes.

What's our assignment?

Birdy Belker.

What?

Birdy Belker.

What is a Birdy Belker?

Birdy Belker's the person that really writes

those stories about Roger Bolt, and all

the other stories that say, written by Natasha Gudonov.

Birdy Belker is our assignment.

[typewriter typing]

[sneezing]

Have you got that story done yet?

No, no.

[sneezing]

Oh.

Isn't there something you can do about that cold?

You've had it for months.

It's hay fever.

[laughing]

Don't be absurd.

There isn't any hay around here.

All there is that dying plant.

Can't you get rid of it?

It needs me.

Well, I need you to finish that story.

Natasha Gudonov doesn't miss deadlines.

Yes, Ms. Hopnagel.

HELEN: Don't ever call me that!

No, no, no.

I'm sorry, Ms. Gud--

Gud--

[sneezing]

OLIVER: Belker, do you have Natasha's story yet?

Almost, Mr. Crump.

Crumpy, darling.

Oh, Natasha, my darling.

Kiss, kiss, Crumpy!

Now listen, you don't worry about the story.

You take all the time you need, Natasha.

[inaudible] darling.

Belker here is almost finished writing, I mean, typing it.

Aren't you, Belker, sweetie?

Yes, Ms. Hop--

Hop-- Hop--

[sneezing]

You ought to do something about that cold, Belker.

You'll infect half the office.

Oh, it's hay fever.

OLIVER: And you ought to get rid of that plant too.

Its dead.

It's dormant.

Well then it died in its sleep.

It needs me.

OLIVER: Yeah, and I need you too because my girl's out sick

and I need these retyped, by tomorrow morning,

unless you have some other plans for the evening?

No.

I-- I don't have any other plans.

[sneezing]

I better get out of here before I catch pneumonia.

Yes.

Natasha, can I buy you some dinner tonight?

No, thank you, Crumpy, darling.

I have that dress party tonight.

Oh yes, yes, yes.

Of course.

JONATHAN (VOICEOVER): Birdy Belker, a meek 30-year-old lady

with no gentlemen callers, no girlfriends,

and no plans for the evening.

She has nothing but a dead plant and the story

she writes about the man of her dreams,

secret agent Roger Bolt.

Every night she goes home alone to an empty dark apartment,

where she has a cup of bullion and a donut,

pours over stacks of declassified government

documents, looking for references to secret agent

Roger Bolt, who's been dead since 1968.

She does the same thing every night,

except Friday night, when she has dinner with her parents.

And every Friday night they ask her the same three questions.

So how was work this week?

Fine, just fine.

How's the car running?

Good, Pop, real good.

Did you meet any men?

No, Ma.

JONATHAN (VOICEOVER): Then her mother

tells her how old she is.

You're 30-years-old, Birdy.

JONATHAN (VOICEOVER): And her mother

tells you what time it is.

It's later than you think.

JONATHAN (VOICEOVER): Then she does the tick tock speech.

You have a biological clock, Birdy.

Maybe you can't hear it ticking, but I can.

Tick tock, tick tock, tick tock.

JONATHAN (VOICEOVER): Birdy doesn't answer her mother.

She waits for her father to do that.

She'll meet a man.

MRS. BELKER: When?

When the right one comes along.

MRS. BELKER: And what if he doesn't?

Birdy, you've got to go out and find a man.

She should take a class.

I've taken classes, Ma.

MR. BELKER: She's taken classes.

MRS. BELKER: You call those classes?

She took a rudeness class.

Assertiveness training, Ma.

Yeah, and the hocking and the chopping class.

Self-defense for single women.

MRS. BELKER: Single women.

And who do you think you're going to meet at a class called

self-defense for single women?

Single men?

No, a whole room full of single women with biological

clocks hocking and chopping at imaginary single men.

JONATHAN (VOICEOVER): And then her mother rests her case.

I rest my case.

How we going to handle this one, Kimosabe?

What do you mean?

I mean, what are we going to do?

Are we going to get a job at her magazine?

We going to move in next to her?

We going to do repairs?

How are we going to get close enough to help her?

According to you, she's shy and timid and scared of everything.

I don't know how we're going to get close enough even to strike

up a conversation with her.

I mean, all she does is talk to dead plants.

Well, we can't handle this the usual way, that's for sure.

I think the best thing is just, be honest with her.

Tell her who we are and we're here to help her.

Direct approach, huh?

Right.

Well, you're probably right.

Shy and timid as she, she'd probably only talk to an angel.

[sneezing]

That's her.

The poor shy thing.

Well, let's go.

[humming]

Excuse me, Miss.

Freeze, dirt-bag!

What?

Freeze, I said!

One more step and you're dead meat!

I'm trained in martial arts and this is lethal gas.

Birdy, we're not muggers.

Stay where you are, street scum.

How'd you know my name?

I know a lot about you, Birdy.

You see, I'm an angel.

You expect me to believe that, Bozo?

MARK: Well, he's telling you the truth.

Stay back, punk!

I'm warning you!

Look, there's nothing to be afraid of!

You asked for it, you big gorilla!

JONATHAN: Birdy!

Birdy!

Birdy!

It's breath spray.

You took the wrong can out of your purse.

MARK: Now look, miss.

Ee-ya!

Ow.

OW.

Birdy, will you listen to me?

Rape!

JONATHAN: Birdy. Shh.

Shh.

Now listen to me.

I'm an angel and I can prove it.

Go up to your apartment and look at your plant.

My plant?

What's with my plant?

Just go up and look at your plants.

Don't move.

I'm warning you.

Don't move.

Oh come on, John.

Why don't we just forget it?

I mean, some people don't want help.

Some people are beyond help.

Oh, come on, Mark.

You're just sore.

Oh, tell me about it.

How did you do that to my plant?

I told you.

I'm an angel.

That's right, you told me.

But you really are?

As God as my witness.

Birdy: Oh.

I really hope your stomach is feeling better.

Oh yeah, it's a lot better.

I should be back on solid food, two or three years.

Oh, gosh.

It's all my fault. Some people aren't meant to be assertive.

This kind of thing happens to me all the time.

I should just stick to what I am, a mouse.

Oh, come on, Birdy.

That's not true.

Well, yes it is.

A man asked me to lunch once.

He just wanted to sell me life insurance.

But my mother convinced me that it was a real date.

And I wanted my breath to be kissing sweet.

I grabbed the wrong can the too.

You mean you--

Yeah.

I maced myself.

People in emergency room were very nice.

They said it happens all the time,

but, uh, I could hear 'em laughing outside.

Birdy, the other day, what did you pray for?

Birdy: What do you mean?

When you said your prayers, what did you ask for?

The usual, uh, God bless my mother and father and everyone

I love, and for there will be peace in the world.

And you asked for something for yourself too.

How did you know?

You pray that you learn how to live, not just exist.

I mean, really live.

And that's why we're here.

You mean you're both angels?

No. No, no, no.

He is.

I'm an ex-cop.

Now what do you want for yourself?

Oh, well, not much.

I-- I don't want money or glory.

And I don't really care that Natasha puts

her name on everything I write.

What do I want?

I want someone to share things with.

I guess I want the same thing my mother wants for me.

Well, you know that's going to be pretty hard to find,

just sticking around your own apartment all the time.

You know what you ought to do.

You ought to join a club or something.

That way you'll meet a bunch of people

who are all interested in the same thing, huh?

By the way, what are you interested in?

Espionage.

Oh.

Well, uh, forget the club.

I know it sounds crazy, but that's

what I really am interested in.

I love espionage.

And Roger Bolt.

Yeah, especially Roger Bolt. That's him.

What-- you mean you really knew him?

Oh no, no.

He died in 1968.

But I know more about him than anyone.

I know every case that's ever been declassified.

I know what his favorite food was--

angel hair pasta in a white sauce with caviar on top.

And his favorite drink--

vodka martini on the rocks with three olives.

I know the way that he would tilt his head

and say, "Bolt, the name, Roger Bolt."

Oh, Roger Bolt. Oh, sometimes I dream that it's 1967,

and I meet him on the Orient Express, halfway to Istanbul.

He's in trouble.

He's being followed.

He needs a cover.

He sees me sitting alone in the dining car, sipping espresso.

He races over to me and says, "My name is Bolt, Roger Bolt."

And I say, "My name Belker, Birdy Belker."

And what happens then?

The alarm clock goes off.

You know, Birdy, fantasies are fine.

But what you need in your life is

the real thing, not some secret agent that died 20 years ago.

Yeah.

I know.

I heard that radio psychologist once,

Dr. Ruth Eastheimer talk about fantasy lovers.

She calls them ghostly lovers, someone you make up

or someone you could never have, someone

you spend your whole life looking for, waiting for.

Yeah, someone who keeps you from meeting the real thing.

Yeah.

She said the only way you can get rid of a ghostly lover

is to live out the fantasy.

Well, you know, like, kind of see

what the pitfalls would be if you ever

were really to meet the guy.

Want to know how hopeless I am?

There was an article in the paper

today that they found Roger Bolt's

car in a bonded warehouse and they're

going to auction it off.

For a second I even thought about going down and buying it.

What stopped you?

Mark, it's a 1964 Aston Martin DB4.

Not exactly my style.

Well maybe it ought to be your style.

Mark, I really don't think a sports car is the answer.

Sure it is.

Some women go out and buy a new dress to cheer themselves up,

or a new hat.

You know, a swanky car like this might just be the ticket,

give her a whole new outlook on life.

Mark, I really don't--

Oh!

Roger Bolt's car!

Birdy Belker is Roger Bolt's car!

Birdy, maybe you should just take a class.

Oh, no, no.

Oh, excuse me for disagreeing with an angel,

but I think your friend here is right!

I think you're right!

[speaking russian]

English, please.

You know, it is very dangerous for us to be meeting like this.

It's much more dangerous for me.

I don't have diplomatic immunity.

So what is so urgent?

This.

They found Roger Bolt's car.

They're auctioning it off tomorrow.

So?

The Krakov papers.

We never found them on Bolt's body.

/ We didn't find them in his apartment,

and we never found the car.

Now that's where they must be.

He must have hidden them in the car.

What does it matter?

It's been almost 20 years.

Popovich is dead already.

But I'm not.

Now if someone gets a hold of those papers

and puts two and two together, it'll

lead directly to me, and to you, Boris, our whole network.

We can't afford that.

We cannot allow that car to fall into anybody

else's hands but ours.

You may be right, comrade.

I'll see to it that the car is stolen before the auction.

No.

It'll create too much suspicion.

We'll just buy the car.

Right.

It's very possible that they would

have somebody there watching to see who's doing the bidding.

This whole thing could be a trap.

You'll work through a purchasing agent.

You won't meet him directly.

Your only contact with him will be by phone.

He will bid for you as an anonymous buyer.

Now don't worry about it.

It's done all the time.

It won't create the least bit of suspicion.

All right, comrade.

I'll see to the arrangements myself.

Whatever happens, Boris, we have to get

that car, one way or the other.

Well, where are they?

I don't know.

She just said to wait for 'em.

I wish they'd hurry up.

Come on, you're just miffed because it

was my idea to buy the car.

I'm not mad.

Come on, you are.

You're miffed.

You heard what she said on the phone.

The father's behind her 100%.

He's going to help her buy the car.

I'm telling you, Jonathan, pizzazz.

Just what the doctor ordered, pizzazz.

Yeah, I just hope you're right.

Well what does that mean?

It means I just hope you're right.

Oh you don't think so, huh?

I just have a feeling, that's all.

What kind of feeling?

I don't know.

It's not as simple as just buying a car.

There's something more here, some--

some kind of presence.

Birdy: Jonathan!

Hi.

Hi.

Jonathan Smith, Mark Gordon, these

are my parents, Mr. And Mrs. Belker.

Oh, so you're the gardener.

I beg your pardon?

I told you, he's an angel, Ma.

Oh.

Nice, maybe.

Angel?

We'll see.

I think we better go in.

Listen, angel, I've gone along with this

because it makes my baby happy.

I don't know who you are, fella, but you keep your hands off

of her plants until you marry.

The plants?

All those wishing to bid today must register here

and obtain a number.

Welby, of Welby and Shelby.

I'm a purchasing agent.

I'll be bidding for my client who wishes to remain anonymous.

I'll require a telephone.

Of course, Mr. Welby.

$6,500 going once, going twice.

Do I hear any other bids?

Sold to the gentleman in back for $6,500.

[applause]

The next classic up for bid is this 1964 Aston Martin BB4,

owned by the late Roger Bolt. The car's

been warehoused since 1968 and will be sold as is.

We make no guarantees about its mechanical condition.

We will start the bidding at $3,000.

Do I hear $3,000?

Are you bidding that?

You'll have to hold the card up high.

Don't by timid.

That's-- that's it.

I have $3,000.

$4,000.

AUCTIONEER: $4,000.

Do I hear five?

MAN: Five. - Five.

Thank you.

Do I hear six?

$10,000.

AUCTIONEER: $10,000.

Do I hear 11?

Going once and twice.

11.

AUCTIONEER: 11 going once, going twice.

WELBY: $15,000.

AUCTIONEER: 15.

Do I hear 16?

16.

Do I hear 16?

Pop, what will we do?

Go ahead.

We can go up to 20, but that's all I've got.

AUCTIONEER: $16,000.

$16,000.

I have 16.

$17,000.

AUCTIONEER: 17, I have 17.

Do I hear 18?

18?

It's the chance of a lifetime to own the car

of the legendary Roger Bolt.

$18,000.

AUCTIONEER: 18.

18.

Should I go 19?

AUCTIONEER: 18. 18.

I have 18.

19.

AUCTIONEER: 19.

I have 19.

Do I have $20,000/

$19,999.99.

$19,999.99.

Are there any more bids?

Do we have any more bids?

The bid is at $20,000.

AUCTIONEER: It's a classic, ladies and gentlemen.

Shall I go higher, sir?

AUCTIONEER: You'll really love it.

Oh my God.

AUCTIONEER: $19,999, going once, going twice,

sold to the little lady.

[applause]

I couldn't thank you, Pop.

It's OK.

I love you.

And I love you too!

Now drive it around until you meet somebody!

Oh!

There you are, my dear.

Not a fingerprint on it.

Drive it in good health.

Oh, yeah.

Hey look, why don't we follow you, make sure you get home OK?

You know, these foreign jobs can

be a little tricky sometimes.

- Thanks. - OK.

Just take it slow.

OK.

You see her face?

I'm telling you, it's pizzazz.

Yeah, you told me and I went along with it.

What's wrong?

I don't know.

I've just got this feeling again.

There's just something about that car.

Come on, baby.

Come on.

Start for Birdy.

If you don't mind my saying, I think

it could use a bit more choke.

Oh yeah.

[scream]

You're-- you're--

The name's Bolt, Roger Bolt.

Oh!

Let's get her in a chair.

Yep.

Jonathan, what is going on?

I mean, one minute she's fine, the next minute

she's passing out.

I mean, is she OK?

Yeah, she's going to be fine. Don't worry.

I'll tell you in a minute.

Let's just get us some water.

Yeah, right.

JONATHAN: That's all right.

He's already getting it.

Who?

JONATHAN: Him.

Jon-- uh, Jonathan, that's uh, that's you doing that, right?

I mean, with the stuff.

JONATHAN: The what?

MARK: The water!

I mean, you're doing it, right?

No, no.

I told you, that's him.

Him?

Him, oh him.

Oh, thanks Roger.

Come on, now wake up, Birdy. Try to wake up.

Have a little water.

ROGER: You poor thing.

You look as if you've seen a ghost.

The ghost!

JONATHAN: Oh, not again.

A ghost?

Where?

Well, there.

MARK: Who?

Him.

Who him?

JONATHAN: Him, him.

Who him him?

Mark, will you stop asking me questions until I can get

Birdy to stay conscious for more than five seconds

at a time, huh?

Look, Birdy, wake up.

Come on, wake up.

And don't pass out again until I can tell you what's going on.

Jonathan, will you just answer me one question?

Is there a ghost in here?

Yes!

I'll see you later. JONATHAN: Oh, Mark.

Come on. Why are you so scared?

Why?

He's dead.

Well so am I.

Yeah but I can see you.

I can't see him.

Ah.

I can see him.

Oh, Birdy, you're awake.

Birdy Belker, I'd like you to meet Roger Bolt--

the ghost of Roger Bolt.

[sighing]

I'll wait for you in the car.

Nice meeting you, Roge.

The pleasure is mine.

Oh, he can't hear you either.

Oh.

No.

Birdy's the only mortal who can see you or hear you.

Why?

Probably because you're the one he's haunting.

Oh, don't put it like that, old chap.

Don't think of it as haunting.

Think of it as, well, hanging around.

I-- I don't understand.

Well, you see, Birdy, some spirits when their bodies

die just aren't ready to go.

Up there, hm?

Yeah, or down there.

That hasn't been decided in your case, Roger.

Look, I'm sorry. I don't make the rules.

He does.

Yes, of course.

When you do see him, you just might mention that I don't

take well to tropical climes.

Prickly heat.

I get a rash.

Oh, why is he haunting me?

You bought the car.

Roger goes with the car.

Don't I get any say in this?

I'm afraid not, Roger.

How about me?

Oh yeah.

You can get rid of the car.

But then he'll haunt whoever I give the car to?

That's right.

.

Oh low, what's this?

"The Krakov Caper, the True Story of Secret Agent

Roger Bolt" by Natasha Gudonov.

Natasha Gudonov.

Birdy, darling, here's a thought that just popped in as it were.

Why don't you give me--

give the car to this splendid creature.

It seems she's a friend of mine already, this Natasha Gudonov.

Looks good enough for me.

I'm Natasha Gudonov.

You're-- well, you're remarkably photogenic,

I must say.

Oh, no.

No, no.

That's Helen Hopnagel.

Mr. Crump puts her picture on the stories

because he thinks that she writes them.

But I'm the true keeper of the flame

of Roger Bolt. I know every case that you have ever worked on.

Well, I'm sure you do, but don't you think she's

more the Aston Martin type?

Birdy, this is your decision to make.

I'm not telling you what to do, but the boss doesn't usually

do things without a reason.

What do you mean?

Well, this just might be a chance to get

rid of your ghostly lover.

Ghostly lover?

Do you mean me?

Yes.

You're my ghostly lover, Roger!

Yeah, but the Roger Bolt of your dreams

never really existed, Birdy.

You made him up in your mind, a superhero,

loving, compassionate, kind.

Hush, old boy.

You'll turn my head.

Yeah, and who in real life was selfish, egotistical,

and a womanizer, now just maybe getting

his last chance before the boss gives

him a one-way ticket south.

I'll tell you, Birdy.

I think you two just might need each other.

Yeah.

Birdy Belker and Roger Bolt, together at last.

[tires peeling out]

You let that car slip through your fingers, you idiot.

I don't know what happened.

But don't worry.

We know who's got the car, some woman named, uh, Birdy,

Birdy Belker.

Who is she?

Nothing, a nobody.

We can take care of her.

Well there aren't going to be any slip-ups this time.

I'm going with you.

Just-- just to steal a car?

Not just a car.

We can't take any chances that this woman found the papers.

She must die.

[humming]

Yoo hoo?

Oh.

[humming]

You're certainly happy this morning.

Oh yes.

I guess I am.

I'm in love.

In love?

Uh, yeah, with--

with my car.

[laughing]

OLIVER: Natasha!

Natasha, how are you?

Crumpy, darling!

You-- you-- you know my wife, Mrs. Crump.

Oh!

Mr.s Crumpy, darling.

How nice to see you.

Yeah.

Uh, Belker!

Go get me the McKinnley file.

My girl's out sick and I don't know where she put it.

Yes, Mr. Crump.

[humming]

Be right back, darling.

Oliver!

That girl called you darling!

That's nonsense.

She was probably just talking to Natasha.

HELEN: That's right, Mrs. Crumpy, darling.

Now let's see.

Where is that story she was writing--

typing!

/

Natasha, Helen, whatever your name is, why can't you hear?

It's time like this and women like you that make a man know

what a drag it is being dead!

Helen, darling, let's cut the small talk.

What do you say, hmm?

Oh no!

No!

Oh!

Oh.

Crumpy, control yourself!

Oliver, how could you?

I, uh, I don't--

don't know what you're talking about.

I-- I didn't touch her.

How could you, right there--

right there in front of me?

Birdy, Birdy, Birdy, darling.

It's not what you think.

Oh no?

I saw you groping that groping that blond bimbo

right there at my desk!

Who are you calling a bimbo!

Oh, please.

I swear I didn't touch her.

She's insane.

Ah, Jonathan was right.

You're nothing but a womanizer.

Oh I'm glad I found out.

Now I'm rid of you at last!

You may have gotten rid of your little Tootsie,

but I'll not get out of your life that easily.

I know a divorce lawyer that will make Marvin Mitchelson

look like Winnie the Pooh!

OLIVER: Oh, please, Clara, listen.

The girl's demented.

She talks to dead plants.

Clara, please!

I've got to stop her.

A little late for that, Roger.

Smith, you've got to talk to her?

Why, so you could break her heart again?

Smith, you're a man.

You can understand.

I've been in a warehouse for almost 20 years,

and then to see something like that Hobnagel.

You know, Roger, you got something most people never

get, a second chance, and you let it slip

right through your fingers.

And then you walked all over the only person who's

ever really cared about you.

Please, I'll do better next time.

I-- I promise.

There isn't going be any next time, Roger.

She's taking the car to the warehouse.

When she brings it back, your second chances are over.

Oh!

Birdy, listen to me, please.

No, Roger.

I'm a person.

I'm not like the furniture.

I've got feelings too.

I-- I know you're a person.

No, I'm more than that.

Roger Bolt, more than just a person, I'm me, Birdy Belker,

and I'm woman, W-O-M-A-N. And you,

you've got a one-way ticket south,

Buster, cause I'm getting rid of this car

and everything that's in it.

[tires peeling out]

[tires peeling out]

- Follow that car. - What's wrong?

I'm not sure.

Just follow it.

[police sirens]

Birdy, just because a man's been

put on a rather strict diet doesn't

mean he can't read the menu.

Oh.

That's all I was doing, I swear it.

Ha.

Oh, you might have been able to sell that can of beans

to the old Birdy Belker.

You're looking at the new Birdy Belker, a woman scorned.

Birdy, do you know anyone in an anonymous black car

who might be just the tiniest bit peeved with you?

Don't change the subject.

You're nothing but a cad.

Bolsky.

It's not Bolsky.

I saw you nibbling at her neck.

I'm not talking about Hobnagel.

I'm talking about Bolsky.

Yeah, you're full of Bolsky.

Boris Bolsky, there!

He's got a gun.

A gun?

That's Boris Bolsky, the man that killed me.

Are you sure?

I've only been killed once, darling.

I'm quite sure.

Well, what does he want with me?

The Krakov papers, I hid them in the car.

Ah!

They prove that Yuri Popovich isn't really a defector,

but he's really a spy.

But Popovich has been dead for years.

Really?

I didn't even know he was ill.

Werner!

Werner?

Werner, the-- the stodgy fella from the agency?

What about him?

Well, he-- he vouched for Popovich.

He convinced the agency that Popovich

was a genuine defector.

So if Popovich is a spy--

So is Werner!

Right!

Right indeed!

Ah, that's brilliant.

Well done, darling!

Good thinking!

[tires squealing]

[horn honking]

Well done again, Birdy, my dear, I underestimated you.

You really are a most extraordinary woman.

Did you mean it?

Yes.

Birdy, there isn't time.

You get out and make a run for it.

All they want is the car.

No.

What about you?

If I get rid of the car, you may be in for a bad case

of prickly heat.

Does it matter?

You were going to do that anyway.

No.

No, I wasn't.

I would have cooled down.

I would have changed my mind.

Well, you should have.

I'm everything you said I was.

I didn't think I could change, even if I had a second chance.

But you've got to run now, Birdy,

while there's still time.

You-- you'd risk your immortal soul to save me?

Why not?

You're the only person who's ever really cared for me.

Oh, I'm not leaving ya.

Birdy, you've got to!

Oh, no.

I always dreamt that we would meet on the Orient Express,

halfway to Istanbul.

Birdy, we're just off the San Bernardino freeway,

halfway to Barstow.

Whatever.

For the time in my life, I don't feel like a mouse.

I feel like a--

[tires squealing]

All right.

Out of the car.

Out!

Out!

The name is Belker, Birdy Belker.

Yeah?

Well they'll get it right in the morgue.

Now where are those papers?

I said, where are those papers?

[laughing]

What is the matter with you?

I don't know!

[gun shot]

Freeze, dirt-bag!

It will take more than mouthwash

to stop Boris [inaudible].

Oh yeah?

Yah!

[police siren]

Birdy.

Birdy, are you all right?

Yeah.

Right, everybody freeze!

Now what's going on?

Officer!

There are papers in this car that

prove these two men are spies!

Now put the cuffs on them and send for the meat wagon!

Roger, we did it!

We did it!

I am no spy.

Roger!

I am diplomat.

Roger?

Rollie?

He's gone.

MARK: Hey, Jonathan, listen to this.

"The Secretary Who Came in From the Cold--

Typist Captures Spy Ring, a True Story of Birdy Belker."

Who cares about fame and glory?

Where's Roger?

Where's Roger Bolt?

Birdy, he finally met someone he cared

about more than he did himself.

He risked his immortal soul to save you.

In so doing, he saved himself.

You mean, he's up there?

He must be.

It's all over.

My dream's over.

No, Birdy, your life's just beginning.

Go on, it's time to live in the real world.

The real world is lonely, Jonathan.

[inaudible]

Where you going, Birdy?

I think I'll go for a ride.

At least I still have his car.

See ya, fellas.

Oh!

Oh! Oh!

I'm sorry sorry.

No, no, no, no, no.

It's not your fault.

Oh yes it is my fault.

No.

You don't have to do that.

You.

You!

Me?

Yeah, you!

You're the lady in the newspaper.

You're-- you're Birdy Belker.

Yeah.

Yeah, yeah!

It's me.

Wow, I can't believe it.

This is great.

What a life you've had.

I have to tell you, it's--

it's an honor to meet you.

Me?

Yeah.

Oh.

I'm sorry.

I'm-- I'm Alvin Mintz.

Oh.

Hi, Alvin.

Hi.

Well, I'm just moving in here.

Here?

Oh yeah.

Oh, I live her.

Great.

I'm, um, I'm in 2A.

You're kidding.

I'm in 2C.

Well, uh, maybe we can get together sometime?

Well, sure.

How about now?

I mean, you know, we're neighbors.

So we can make a casserole or something.

Yeah.

It sounds great.

Let me help.

Thanks.

Is that your car?

Oh yeah.

I'm thinking of selling it.

I've kind of out-grown it.

Come on.

Well, we did it again, Kimosabe.

You got to admit my idea worked.

She met someone and Roger's upstairs.

I got to hand it to you.

When you're right, you're right.

Well, maybe next time you'll take my suggestion.

You know what I mean?

[honking]

[engine starting]

ROGER: Bolt's the name, Roger Bolt. Need a lift?

[theme music playing]