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1
00:00:02,083 --> 00:00:04,333
(horn honking)
(gasps)
2
00:00:04,333 --> 00:00:05,667
Geez.
Hey.
3
00:00:05,667 --> 00:00:07,291
(growls)
4
00:00:07,291 --> 00:00:09,458
Dang.
5
00:00:09,458 --> 00:00:10,708
(panting)
6
00:00:13,959 --> 00:00:15,208
(grunts)
7
00:00:16,250 --> 00:00:17,375
PEDRO:
Hello, Napoleon.
8
00:00:17,375 --> 00:00:18,667
NAPOLEON:
Hey, Pedro.
9
00:00:19,750 --> 00:00:21,375
(grunting)
10
00:00:21,375 --> 00:00:22,667
(sighing)
11
00:00:27,125 --> 00:00:30,083
♪ ♪
12
00:00:36,000 --> 00:00:37,834
Awesome.
13
00:00:37,834 --> 00:00:39,000
Dang!
14
00:00:42,834 --> 00:00:45,708
KIP:
"If a farmer harvests
1,000 acres of corn,
15
00:00:45,708 --> 00:00:47,000
what will be its yield?"
16
00:00:47,000 --> 00:00:49,875
165,000 bushels.
Grandma, go!
17
00:00:49,875 --> 00:00:51,667
What's wrong
with this cow's teats?
18
00:00:51,667 --> 00:00:53,000
They're going
every which way.
19
00:00:53,083 --> 00:00:55,500
Bovine mastitis,
stage three! Rico!
20
00:00:55,500 --> 00:00:57,500
Why does my steak
taste like crap?
21
00:00:57,500 --> 00:00:58,708
Because you're a freakin' mooch.
22
00:00:58,708 --> 00:00:59,834
Get off my property.
23
00:00:59,834 --> 00:01:01,375
But if you really want to know,
24
00:01:01,375 --> 00:01:04,375
this is utility beef,
unfit for human consumption.
25
00:01:04,375 --> 00:01:06,125
Correct.
26
00:01:06,125 --> 00:01:07,792
You are on
fire, Napoleon.
27
00:01:07,792 --> 00:01:08,875
You know I am.
28
00:01:08,875 --> 00:01:10,667
Curtis and I are
totally gonna dominate
29
00:01:10,667 --> 00:01:12,917
the state competition again,
just like last year.
30
00:01:13,000 --> 00:01:14,500
(cow mooing)
31
00:01:14,500 --> 00:01:17,708
I even memorized the Future
Farmers of America Creed.
32
00:01:17,708 --> 00:01:20,959
"I believe in
the future of agriculture,
33
00:01:20,959 --> 00:01:23,667
"with a faith born
not of words but of deeds.
34
00:01:23,667 --> 00:01:24,959
I believe..."
35
00:01:24,959 --> 00:01:27,667
Well, I believe
we got to go.
36
00:01:27,667 --> 00:01:30,333
Fine! I'll just do it
for Tina.
37
00:01:30,333 --> 00:01:32,291
"I believe in the...
38
00:01:33,333 --> 00:01:34,959
Stupid lard!
39
00:01:36,750 --> 00:01:38,083
Jerks.
40
00:01:42,291 --> 00:01:45,291
Hey, Curtis, you ready
to kick some "A" at State?
41
00:01:45,291 --> 00:01:47,333
You know it!
Wow, Napoleon!
42
00:01:47,333 --> 00:01:49,667
You look so handsome
in your uniform.
43
00:01:49,667 --> 00:01:52,000
You should be the
FFA catalog model.
44
00:01:52,000 --> 00:01:54,208
I tried.
They liked my torso,
45
00:01:54,208 --> 00:01:55,792
but they hated my face.
46
00:01:55,792 --> 00:01:57,250
Well, good luck at State.
47
00:01:57,250 --> 00:01:58,708
Bring me home a T-shirt?
48
00:01:58,708 --> 00:01:59,792
Absolutely.
49
00:01:59,792 --> 00:02:01,875
They're $4.99.
50
00:02:03,458 --> 00:02:05,458
Ninety-nine!
51
00:02:07,083 --> 00:02:09,125
Deb looks cute today.
52
00:02:09,125 --> 00:02:11,417
Yeah. Too bad
she hates you.
53
00:02:11,417 --> 00:02:14,959
Well, well, if it isn't
the Future Failures of America.
54
00:02:15,041 --> 00:02:17,417
Yeah, right, Don, like
a farmer ever failed.
55
00:02:17,417 --> 00:02:19,625
So, what are you gonna do
this year, Napoleon,
56
00:02:19,625 --> 00:02:21,959
stick your hand
in a bunch of cow butts?
57
00:02:22,041 --> 00:02:24,208
Yea-heah!
58
00:02:24,208 --> 00:02:26,625
That event only happens
at nationals, Don.
59
00:02:26,625 --> 00:02:29,417
Besides, FFA isn't
just about farming,
60
00:02:29,417 --> 00:02:31,917
it's about friendship
and unforgettable memories.
61
00:02:31,917 --> 00:02:33,166
Right, Curtis?
62
00:02:33,166 --> 00:02:34,250
Curtis,
63
00:02:34,250 --> 00:02:36,083
what are you doing
on Don's side?
64
00:02:36,083 --> 00:02:38,625
Sorry, Napoleon,
but Don's razzing
really struck a chord.
65
00:02:38,625 --> 00:02:40,875
I'm gonna be one of
the popular kids now.
66
00:02:40,875 --> 00:02:43,375
You don't just quit FFA
and become popular.
67
00:02:43,375 --> 00:02:44,917
It doesn't work like that.
68
00:02:45,000 --> 00:02:48,291
Hey, Curtis, you coming to
my above-ground pool party?
69
00:02:48,291 --> 00:02:51,250
You know it!
Yea-hea-heah!
70
00:02:51,250 --> 00:02:52,875
(laughter)
71
00:02:52,875 --> 00:02:55,583
(long sigh)
72
00:02:55,583 --> 00:02:58,333
KIP:
♪ Time for some me time ♪
73
00:02:58,333 --> 00:03:01,166
♪ Bubble bath take me away ♪
74
00:03:01,166 --> 00:03:03,917
♪ Lavender
to clear my thoughts ♪
75
00:03:04,000 --> 00:03:07,542
♪ And now my bath is ready. ♪
76
00:03:11,417 --> 00:03:13,166
Dang it! Forgot Cornelius.
77
00:03:15,875 --> 00:03:16,875
(gasps)
78
00:03:16,875 --> 00:03:18,083
Spider!
79
00:03:18,083 --> 00:03:19,583
Grandma, are you
near the monitor?
80
00:03:19,583 --> 00:03:21,583
GRANDMA:
Always listening, Kipper.
81
00:03:21,583 --> 00:03:23,708
Get in here quick.
Daddy long legs.
82
00:03:23,708 --> 00:03:24,959
(running footsteps)
83
00:03:24,959 --> 00:03:26,375
Where is the sucker?
84
00:03:26,375 --> 00:03:27,542
(whimpers)
85
00:03:27,542 --> 00:03:29,542
Don't hurt it!
I know a Chinese guy
86
00:03:29,542 --> 00:03:31,083
who'll pay top dollar
for its venom.
87
00:03:31,083 --> 00:03:32,959
(Grandma grunts, duck squeaks)
Corny!
88
00:03:33,041 --> 00:03:34,458
(Grandma grunts)
89
00:03:35,917 --> 00:03:37,750
(Kip and Rico exclaiming)
He's got backup.
90
00:03:41,625 --> 00:03:42,792
(glass shatters)
91
00:03:42,792 --> 00:03:43,750
Geez!
92
00:03:43,750 --> 00:03:45,917
(Grandma screams)
93
00:03:45,917 --> 00:03:48,083
I don't care what
Chun-Wei is paying,
94
00:03:48,083 --> 00:03:49,458
I'm not going back in there
95
00:03:49,458 --> 00:03:50,792
until you get
that place fumigated.
96
00:03:50,792 --> 00:03:53,375
But where will we live
while our house is all gassy?
97
00:03:53,375 --> 00:03:55,542
Shaylene said we could
stay in that cabin
98
00:03:55,542 --> 00:03:56,875
where her uncle hung himself.
99
00:03:56,875 --> 00:03:58,000
Nonsense.
100
00:03:58,083 --> 00:04:00,000
My Santana sleeps
up to five people,
101
00:04:00,000 --> 00:04:01,083
six if they're missing limbs.
102
00:04:01,083 --> 00:04:02,375
You guys are staying with me.
103
00:04:02,375 --> 00:04:04,792
But Grandma says
I'm not allowed in your van.
104
00:04:04,792 --> 00:04:06,917
It's okay if I'm
with you, Kip.
105
00:04:07,000 --> 00:04:09,542
NAPOLEON:
Pedro, I really need you
106
00:04:09,542 --> 00:04:11,125
to be my partner at FFA.
107
00:04:11,125 --> 00:04:13,875
I'd like to help you, Napoleon,
but it's Spirit Week,
108
00:04:13,875 --> 00:04:15,542
and I'm under a lot of pressure.
109
00:04:15,542 --> 00:04:17,041
What do you think
of this one?
110
00:04:17,041 --> 00:04:18,875
I like it,
but I don't love it.
111
00:04:19,209 --> 00:04:21,125
You're impossible!
112
00:04:21,125 --> 00:04:22,125
(girls crying)
113
00:04:22,125 --> 00:04:23,667
You see what I'm dealing with?
114
00:04:23,667 --> 00:04:25,291
Come on, we'll make
a killer team.
115
00:04:25,291 --> 00:04:26,708
We always have.
116
00:04:26,708 --> 00:04:28,208
("Me and Julio Down by the
Schoolyard" intro plays)
117
00:04:28,208 --> 00:04:29,834
Whoa...
118
00:04:29,834 --> 00:04:31,959
Whee!
119
00:04:31,959 --> 00:04:34,291
♪ In a couple of days
they come and take me away ♪
120
00:04:34,291 --> 00:04:35,875
♪ But the press
let the story leak ♪
121
00:04:35,875 --> 00:04:37,792
(dog barking)
♪ And I'm on my way ♪
122
00:04:39,333 --> 00:04:42,125
♪ I don't know where I'm going ♪
123
00:04:42,125 --> 00:04:43,792
♪ I'm on my way ♪
124
00:04:43,792 --> 00:04:46,083
♪ I'm taking my time,
but I don't know where ♪
125
00:04:46,083 --> 00:04:50,083
♪ Good-bye Rosie,
Queen of Corona ♪
126
00:04:50,083 --> 00:04:51,291
(buzzer sounds)
127
00:04:51,291 --> 00:04:54,667
♪ See you, me and Julio
down by the schoolyard ♪
128
00:04:54,667 --> 00:04:57,083
(alarm ringing)
♪ See you, me and Julio ♪
129
00:04:57,083 --> 00:04:59,792
♪ Down by the schoolyard. ♪
130
00:04:59,792 --> 00:05:01,834
Okay, that last one
didn't happen,
131
00:05:01,834 --> 00:05:03,667
but we still make
a great team.
132
00:05:08,583 --> 00:05:10,583
Hmm?
133
00:05:10,583 --> 00:05:11,542
Yes!
134
00:05:11,542 --> 00:05:13,542
The glory of State awaits!
135
00:05:14,667 --> 00:05:16,542
I'm still recovering
from a s-st-stroke,
136
00:05:16,542 --> 00:05:19,291
so I'd appreciate it if you boys
would keep an eye on me.
137
00:05:19,291 --> 00:05:20,625
Whatever. Let's roll.
138
00:05:22,708 --> 00:05:25,542
BUS DRIVER:
Do you boys smell
b-burnt toast?
139
00:05:25,542 --> 00:05:27,208
NAPOLEON:
Yes. But I'm not sharing.
140
00:05:36,834 --> 00:05:38,166
Okay, Pedro.
141
00:05:38,166 --> 00:05:40,500
You better tie this
around your waist.
Why?
142
00:05:40,500 --> 00:05:43,083
So we don't get separated
when I get mobbed.
143
00:05:43,083 --> 00:05:44,333
I'm a superstar here.
144
00:05:44,333 --> 00:05:45,834
Whatever you say,
Napoleon.
145
00:05:48,875 --> 00:05:50,333
Uh...
146
00:05:50,333 --> 00:05:51,500
Hello?
147
00:05:51,500 --> 00:05:53,208
It's okay, Napoleon.
148
00:05:53,208 --> 00:05:54,417
I'll still wear the rope.
149
00:05:54,417 --> 00:05:58,458
Oh, my gosh,
it's Napoleon Dynamite!
150
00:05:58,458 --> 00:06:00,333
(kids screaming excitedly)
Ay!
151
00:06:00,333 --> 00:06:02,291
I've never been this
high in the air before.
152
00:06:02,291 --> 00:06:04,166
Welcome to my world, Pedro.
153
00:06:07,125 --> 00:06:09,041
KIP:
Good-bye, Tina.
154
00:06:09,041 --> 00:06:11,875
RICO:
So how do you guys like
living in a van so far?
155
00:06:11,875 --> 00:06:13,583
It's fun being
homeless, ain't it?
156
00:06:13,583 --> 00:06:16,792
I'm hungry.
And I never got
to finish my bath.
157
00:06:16,792 --> 00:06:17,834
Say no more.
158
00:06:17,834 --> 00:06:19,792
I'm gonna teach you two
to live Rico-style.
159
00:06:25,375 --> 00:06:27,041
You ready, Kipper?
160
00:06:27,041 --> 00:06:28,125
Are you sure about this?
161
00:06:29,500 --> 00:06:31,291
Oh, boy.
162
00:06:31,291 --> 00:06:33,166
Whoa!
163
00:06:37,083 --> 00:06:38,375
Wow, Kipper,
164
00:06:38,375 --> 00:06:40,417
you look like
an Acapulco cliff diver.
165
00:06:40,417 --> 00:06:42,625
You said you were gonna
get me something to eat.
166
00:06:44,375 --> 00:06:46,542
Ask, and ye shall
receive, Carlinda.
167
00:06:48,375 --> 00:06:50,333
Today's the day the soccer moms
168
00:06:50,333 --> 00:06:51,458
clean out their minivans.
169
00:06:51,458 --> 00:06:53,875
Juice boxes, string cheese,
stick candy...
170
00:06:53,875 --> 00:06:56,333
It's a treasure trove
for the culinary magpie.
171
00:06:56,333 --> 00:06:57,375
Is that jerky?
172
00:06:57,375 --> 00:06:59,208
Ah!
173
00:06:59,208 --> 00:07:00,250
Hey!
174
00:07:00,250 --> 00:07:01,625
A dry cleaning receipt.
175
00:07:01,625 --> 00:07:04,125
Looks like I got me
a new pantsuit.
176
00:07:04,125 --> 00:07:05,375
Nice.
177
00:07:05,375 --> 00:07:07,792
I judge a pig
like I judge a woman--
178
00:07:07,792 --> 00:07:08,875
by her personality,
179
00:07:08,875 --> 00:07:09,834
and back fat.
180
00:07:10,167 --> 00:07:12,500
ALL:
Ah...
181
00:07:12,500 --> 00:07:13,875
Thanks, Amanda.
182
00:07:14,000 --> 00:07:14,917
(squeals)
183
00:07:15,000 --> 00:07:16,458
Okay, I'll sign
your eggs now.
184
00:07:16,458 --> 00:07:18,166
(kids talking indistinctly)
185
00:07:18,166 --> 00:07:19,250
MAN: Hyah!
(whip cracks)
186
00:07:19,250 --> 00:07:22,291
Whoa, girl.
Easy now.
187
00:07:24,834 --> 00:07:26,417
What the crap? Filson?
188
00:07:26,417 --> 00:07:27,542
Who's Filson?
189
00:07:28,625 --> 00:07:30,166
FFA champion,
190
00:07:30,166 --> 00:07:31,500
five years running.
191
00:07:31,500 --> 00:07:34,209
Until last year,
when I wasted you.
192
00:07:40,500 --> 00:07:43,291
ANNOUNCER:
Looks like Filson has
this in the bag, folks.
193
00:07:43,291 --> 00:07:44,417
(cows moos)
194
00:07:44,417 --> 00:07:45,875
Wait! I don't believe it!
195
00:07:45,875 --> 00:07:47,834
Dynamite's going full udder!
196
00:07:49,250 --> 00:07:50,583
(cheering)
197
00:07:50,583 --> 00:07:51,625
Sweet!
198
00:07:51,625 --> 00:07:53,625
Yes!
199
00:07:55,417 --> 00:07:57,250
You were wearing
a sport bra?
200
00:07:57,250 --> 00:07:59,834
It was a men's "action bra."
Shut up!
201
00:07:59,834 --> 00:08:01,500
What are you doing here, Filson?
202
00:08:01,500 --> 00:08:03,542
I thought you graduated.
Nope.
203
00:08:03,542 --> 00:08:04,583
Failed English.
204
00:08:04,583 --> 00:08:05,834
(kids gasp)
205
00:08:05,834 --> 00:08:07,083
But you're great at English.
206
00:08:07,083 --> 00:08:08,875
Is I, Napoleon? Is I?
207
00:08:09,209 --> 00:08:10,125
(kids gasp)
208
00:08:10,125 --> 00:08:11,458
You failed on purpose!
209
00:08:11,458 --> 00:08:13,333
You didn't think I was gonna
let you have all the glory
210
00:08:13,333 --> 00:08:14,333
and the women, did you?
211
00:08:14,333 --> 00:08:16,166
You don't care about
the FFA, Filson.
212
00:08:16,166 --> 00:08:17,583
Your jacket's not
even regulation.
213
00:08:17,583 --> 00:08:18,875
You tore off the sleeves,
214
00:08:18,875 --> 00:08:20,417
and it's supposed to be
zipped up all the way.
215
00:08:20,417 --> 00:08:23,041
Nobody likes a bad boy
who doesn't play by the rules.
216
00:08:23,041 --> 00:08:25,041
He's so bad.
217
00:08:25,041 --> 00:08:26,917
What are you guys doing?
218
00:08:26,917 --> 00:08:28,166
Stop looking at him!
219
00:08:28,166 --> 00:08:31,583
Whoo! FFA!
Step back, kiss myself.
220
00:08:31,583 --> 00:08:33,583
(cheering)
221
00:08:39,333 --> 00:08:40,542
Pedro!
222
00:08:40,542 --> 00:08:42,291
Sorry.
223
00:08:44,417 --> 00:08:45,875
GRANDMA:
Rico, what are you doing?
224
00:08:45,875 --> 00:08:47,041
I want to watch TV!
225
00:08:47,041 --> 00:08:48,500
RICO:
When you live in a van,
226
00:08:48,500 --> 00:08:51,083
the whole world is your
personal television set.
227
00:08:51,083 --> 00:08:53,625
I do love
my trashy family dramas.
228
00:08:53,625 --> 00:08:57,291
Well, enjoy the latest episode
of329 Oneida Street.
229
00:08:57,291 --> 00:08:59,667
(music begins playing)
Okay, let me
get you caught up.
230
00:08:59,667 --> 00:09:01,458
Last week,
that girl there,
231
00:09:01,458 --> 00:09:03,834
she crashed her daddy's Miata
into a Cheesecake Factory.
232
00:09:03,834 --> 00:09:05,041
That's not good.
233
00:09:05,041 --> 00:09:07,041
And the mama thinks her
husband's cheating on her,
234
00:09:07,041 --> 00:09:08,291
but he's just
being secretive
235
00:09:08,291 --> 00:09:09,667
'cause he's planning
her birthday party.
236
00:09:09,667 --> 00:09:11,875
Oh, also,
he's cheating on her.
237
00:09:12,209 --> 00:09:13,458
This is my kind of show.
238
00:09:13,458 --> 00:09:15,542
Hey! You in the van!
239
00:09:15,542 --> 00:09:18,667
Uh-oh. Uh, I'll be back
after this short break.
240
00:09:18,667 --> 00:09:20,875
I told you to take
your peeping eyes elsewhere!
241
00:09:21,209 --> 00:09:21,875
(Kip yells)
242
00:09:22,000 --> 00:09:24,000
(punches landing)
KIP: My blouse! Ouch!
243
00:09:24,000 --> 00:09:25,625
KIP:
Geez!
244
00:09:25,625 --> 00:09:27,166
♪ ♪
245
00:09:28,291 --> 00:09:30,209
(sniffs)
246
00:09:32,125 --> 00:09:34,875
Filson may have
the glorious mane of a lion,
247
00:09:34,875 --> 00:09:38,125
but he wouldn't know
a silty loam from a sandy clay.
248
00:09:38,125 --> 00:09:40,667
Help! Help! Napoleon!
249
00:09:40,667 --> 00:09:42,875
The Egg Queen!
She needs me!
250
00:09:43,209 --> 00:09:46,041
But the judges are coming, and
my knowledge of dirt is limited.
251
00:09:46,041 --> 00:09:48,375
Your Majesty!
What's wrong?
252
00:09:48,375 --> 00:09:50,166
That billy goat stole my tiara.
253
00:09:51,875 --> 00:09:53,542
Not on my watch.
254
00:09:54,625 --> 00:09:56,625
Give it back, goat!
255
00:09:56,625 --> 00:09:57,625
(goat chokes)
256
00:10:03,291 --> 00:10:05,750
How could I ever repay you?
257
00:10:05,750 --> 00:10:08,250
Your buttermilk complexion
and livestock thighs
258
00:10:08,250 --> 00:10:09,417
are reward enough.
259
00:10:09,417 --> 00:10:10,417
(giggles)
260
00:10:10,417 --> 00:10:11,959
You're so sweet.
261
00:10:12,041 --> 00:10:15,583
I'm gonna treat you to some
fried dough and apple dandies.
262
00:10:15,583 --> 00:10:16,750
Sorry.
263
00:10:16,750 --> 00:10:18,291
I've got soil to judge.
264
00:10:18,291 --> 00:10:20,125
Soil will always be around,
265
00:10:20,125 --> 00:10:21,750
but I won't.
266
00:10:21,750 --> 00:10:23,291
Uh...
267
00:10:23,291 --> 00:10:24,500
(goofy laugh)
268
00:10:24,500 --> 00:10:25,458
Okay.
269
00:10:25,458 --> 00:10:27,083
(giggles)
270
00:10:27,083 --> 00:10:28,959
Now, we could stand here
talking all day
271
00:10:28,959 --> 00:10:32,417
about how the 45-degree angle of
this land is poor for drainage,
272
00:10:32,417 --> 00:10:35,166
but why criticize
this substandard sod
273
00:10:35,166 --> 00:10:37,417
when we could talk about
my new low-rise flare-leg jeans!
274
00:10:37,417 --> 00:10:38,458
Yeah!
275
00:10:38,458 --> 00:10:41,000
Come on!
(cheering)
276
00:10:41,083 --> 00:10:43,083
He's accurate
and sexy.
277
00:10:44,625 --> 00:10:47,208
We're going to need an
answer from Team Dynamite.
278
00:10:47,208 --> 00:10:48,875
How would you
evaluate this soil?
279
00:10:49,959 --> 00:10:52,458
It's pretty good, I guess.
280
00:10:52,458 --> 00:10:54,583
Hmm.
Hmm.
Hmm.
281
00:10:54,583 --> 00:10:56,583
Eh... I also have jeans.
282
00:10:56,583 --> 00:10:59,458
(grunting)
283
00:11:01,667 --> 00:11:02,667
(chuckles)
284
00:11:02,667 --> 00:11:04,417
Nicole, quit tickling me.
285
00:11:04,417 --> 00:11:07,083
(both laughing)
286
00:11:07,083 --> 00:11:09,291
Oh, I wish it were
pioneer times
287
00:11:09,291 --> 00:11:11,834
'cause I think
we'd be married right now.
288
00:11:11,834 --> 00:11:13,542
Napoleon, we just lost
the first event
289
00:11:13,542 --> 00:11:14,875
because you weren't here.
290
00:11:14,875 --> 00:11:16,500
Really? Sorry.
291
00:11:16,500 --> 00:11:17,834
Oh, it's all my fault.
292
00:11:17,834 --> 00:11:19,959
We spent the last hour
tickle-fighting.
293
00:11:19,959 --> 00:11:21,125
But don't worry,
294
00:11:21,125 --> 00:11:22,917
there's plenty
of events tomorrow.
295
00:11:22,917 --> 00:11:24,917
Yeah, Pedro.
It'll be fine.
296
00:11:24,917 --> 00:11:26,917
Loosen up, bro.
297
00:11:28,834 --> 00:11:30,959
Are you finished?
298
00:11:30,959 --> 00:11:32,792
Nicole, can you give us
a second?
299
00:11:32,792 --> 00:11:34,458
Sure.
300
00:11:34,458 --> 00:11:36,959
Look, I know I let you down,
301
00:11:36,959 --> 00:11:39,792
but even though Nicole will
probably be my wife someday,
302
00:11:39,792 --> 00:11:43,291
I'm gonna put things on hold so
we can focus on the competition.
303
00:11:43,291 --> 00:11:44,333
You promise?
304
00:11:44,333 --> 00:11:46,583
I'll go tell her
right now.
305
00:11:46,583 --> 00:11:49,208
Hey, Napoleon, meet me here
at midnight
306
00:11:49,208 --> 00:11:50,959
for a romantic picnic.
307
00:11:51,041 --> 00:11:52,000
Okay!
308
00:11:52,000 --> 00:11:55,208
It's done.
309
00:11:55,208 --> 00:11:58,000
If that guy doesn't want people
watching his family,
310
00:11:58,000 --> 00:11:59,750
they shouldn't be
so darn entertaining.
311
00:11:59,750 --> 00:12:03,542
Shouldn't we be in a hospital
instead of a taxidermy shop?
312
00:12:03,542 --> 00:12:05,917
And pay a million dollars
for a piece of thread?!
313
00:12:05,917 --> 00:12:08,708
All Dr. Howie charges is
a couple of roadkill skunks.
314
00:12:08,708 --> 00:12:11,291
(belches)
315
00:12:11,291 --> 00:12:13,458
All done, Kip.
316
00:12:13,458 --> 00:12:14,458
Really?
317
00:12:14,458 --> 00:12:15,917
That didn't hurt at all.
318
00:12:15,917 --> 00:12:17,792
Howie's fixed me up
plenty of times.
319
00:12:17,792 --> 00:12:20,917
He even replaced my bit-off ear
with one from a wolf.
320
00:12:28,542 --> 00:12:30,166
(grunts)
321
00:12:33,500 --> 00:12:34,708
Your Majesty?
322
00:12:34,708 --> 00:12:37,750
(soft music playing)
323
00:12:39,542 --> 00:12:42,291
"Close your eyes
and make a wish.
324
00:12:42,291 --> 00:12:44,875
Love, your Queen."
325
00:12:44,875 --> 00:12:46,125
Nicole!
326
00:12:46,125 --> 00:12:47,500
Pedro?!
327
00:12:47,500 --> 00:12:49,208
I thought you were
putting things on hold.
328
00:12:49,208 --> 00:12:50,708
You lied to me,
Napoleon.
329
00:12:50,708 --> 00:12:52,000
I don't care. Get out of here!
330
00:12:52,083 --> 00:12:54,166
I'm about to have a secret
dinner with my woman.
331
00:12:54,166 --> 00:12:55,917
In a hole?
332
00:12:55,917 --> 00:12:57,458
It's not a hole.
It's our love dungeon.
333
00:12:57,458 --> 00:12:58,959
Well, I don't think
she loves you.
334
00:12:58,959 --> 00:13:01,083
Look, her apples are fake.
335
00:13:01,083 --> 00:13:03,166
(engine rumbling)
What? Huh?
336
00:13:05,583 --> 00:13:07,291
(both gasping)
337
00:13:08,667 --> 00:13:11,458
(both grunting)
338
00:13:11,458 --> 00:13:14,083
Look what you've accidentally
done, my sweet!
339
00:13:14,083 --> 00:13:16,583
You're even dumber than
Filson said you were.
340
00:13:16,583 --> 00:13:17,750
Filson?!
341
00:13:17,750 --> 00:13:18,917
I wasn't gonna lose
342
00:13:19,000 --> 00:13:20,375
to you two years in
a row, Napoleon.
343
00:13:20,375 --> 00:13:21,750
Now, enjoy some
fireworks
344
00:13:21,750 --> 00:13:23,625
while I make out
with my fiancée.
345
00:13:23,625 --> 00:13:26,083
Pop me some sugar!
(moans)
346
00:13:26,083 --> 00:13:28,250
What?!
That's it, Nicole.
347
00:13:28,250 --> 00:13:29,750
You gotta decide right now--
348
00:13:29,750 --> 00:13:31,625
him or me.
(groans)
349
00:13:35,083 --> 00:13:37,583
Don't worry, Pedro,
she'll be back.
350
00:13:37,583 --> 00:13:38,917
You're crazy, Napoleon.
351
00:13:39,000 --> 00:13:40,750
Even the earthworms
are laughing at us.
352
00:13:40,750 --> 00:13:42,208
(giggling)
353
00:13:42,208 --> 00:13:43,542
You begged me to come, Napoleon.
354
00:13:43,542 --> 00:13:46,125
You said we were going
to be a team and rob banks!
355
00:13:46,125 --> 00:13:48,208
Well, you're a freaking
crappy teammate!
356
00:13:48,208 --> 00:13:50,250
Curtis never would've
let this happen to me.
357
00:13:50,250 --> 00:13:52,166
He knew how to
bridle my passions.
358
00:13:52,166 --> 00:13:53,750
Well, I'm not Curtis.
359
00:13:53,750 --> 00:13:55,291
I'm Pedro Montoya
Carlos Sanchez
360
00:13:55,291 --> 00:13:57,500
and you have shamed
and betrayed me. (spits)
361
00:13:57,500 --> 00:13:59,291
I don't care how
many names you have!
362
00:13:59,291 --> 00:14:01,166
You're dead!
363
00:14:01,166 --> 00:14:02,750
(both grunting)
364
00:14:09,041 --> 00:14:11,041
(grunting continues)
365
00:14:14,708 --> 00:14:16,375
Hey, sounds like Napoleon's
in trouble.
366
00:14:16,375 --> 00:14:18,291
Pedro, too.
367
00:14:18,291 --> 00:14:20,208
Man, I love my wolf ear.
368
00:14:23,250 --> 00:14:25,542
(both grunting weakly)
369
00:14:29,959 --> 00:14:31,583
All right, Pedro,
I'm sorry.
370
00:14:31,583 --> 00:14:33,834
I really did shatter
both our dreams.
371
00:14:33,834 --> 00:14:35,625
I forgive you, Napoleon.
372
00:14:35,625 --> 00:14:36,959
You were blinded by love.
373
00:14:37,041 --> 00:14:40,917
Someday when people find
our dead, decroded bodies,
374
00:14:41,000 --> 00:14:43,291
I hope they realize
that we were best buds.
375
00:14:43,291 --> 00:14:45,208
Let's make a friendship loogie.
376
00:14:45,208 --> 00:14:46,458
(both hawking)
377
00:14:53,000 --> 00:14:55,458
Buried alive, huh?
I know what that's like.
378
00:14:55,458 --> 00:14:56,708
Get us out of here!
379
00:14:56,708 --> 00:14:57,708
I'm on it!
380
00:14:57,708 --> 00:14:59,708
Ow!
Ah!
381
00:14:59,708 --> 00:15:01,375
GRANDMA:
Hit it, Rico!
382
00:15:02,208 --> 00:15:04,625
(both gasping)
383
00:15:04,625 --> 00:15:06,792
(tires screech)
384
00:15:06,792 --> 00:15:08,291
Let's go, Pedro!
385
00:15:08,291 --> 00:15:10,166
The finals have
already started!
386
00:15:14,542 --> 00:15:15,792
American.
387
00:15:15,792 --> 00:15:17,291
(applause)
388
00:15:17,291 --> 00:15:20,500
Fiesta Mexican blend.
389
00:15:20,500 --> 00:15:22,542
(applause)
390
00:15:22,542 --> 00:15:24,583
And...
391
00:15:31,208 --> 00:15:32,875
Uh...
392
00:15:34,208 --> 00:15:35,417
Swiss?
393
00:15:35,417 --> 00:15:36,375
Correct.
394
00:15:36,375 --> 00:15:37,458
(cheering)
395
00:15:37,458 --> 00:15:39,875
Whoo! FFA!
396
00:15:39,875 --> 00:15:41,708
NAPOLEON:
Lame.
397
00:15:41,708 --> 00:15:44,667
What the...?!
I thought I murdered you guys!
398
00:15:44,667 --> 00:15:47,750
Looks like you just got
kissed by a rose from the grave.
399
00:15:47,750 --> 00:15:50,208
Listen, you
gorgeous SOB,
400
00:15:50,208 --> 00:15:52,291
if you ever bury one
of my boys again,
401
00:15:52,291 --> 00:15:55,750
you're gonna become the
bad smell in my attic.
402
00:15:55,750 --> 00:15:58,708
Looky here, your grandpa can
threaten me all he wants,
403
00:15:58,708 --> 00:16:00,583
but I've already got this thing
in the bag.
404
00:16:03,667 --> 00:16:05,667
Plus, one of the judges
is braiding my hair.
405
00:16:05,667 --> 00:16:07,083
Oh, I can still be
impartial.
406
00:16:07,083 --> 00:16:10,166
Come on, Pedro.
Let's rock this mother.
407
00:16:20,625 --> 00:16:23,458
(bleating)
408
00:16:29,500 --> 00:16:31,333
(baby giggling)
409
00:16:31,333 --> 00:16:33,166
(cheering)
410
00:16:34,792 --> 00:16:38,417
Thanks, I was getting
all freaked out down there.
411
00:16:38,417 --> 00:16:39,375
Ooh!
(water splashes)
412
00:16:46,208 --> 00:16:47,959
(sighs)
413
00:16:48,041 --> 00:16:50,417
(device clicking)
414
00:16:52,208 --> 00:16:54,083
Mmm...
Mm-hmm.
415
00:17:01,333 --> 00:17:04,167
(whinnies happily)
416
00:17:07,083 --> 00:17:10,458
Well, it appears we have a tie
between Team Filson--
417
00:17:10,458 --> 00:17:12,041
I love you, Filson--
418
00:17:12,041 --> 00:17:13,208
and Team Dynamite.
419
00:17:13,208 --> 00:17:14,166
You know it.
420
00:17:14,166 --> 00:17:16,375
There's only one way
to settle this.
421
00:17:16,375 --> 00:17:19,708
One member from each team
must recite the FFA creed.
422
00:17:19,708 --> 00:17:20,750
(audience gasps)
423
00:17:20,750 --> 00:17:23,417
The creed! Sweet!
I got this.
424
00:17:23,417 --> 00:17:24,875
Filson, you're up.
425
00:17:24,875 --> 00:17:26,500
(applause)
426
00:17:29,417 --> 00:17:30,917
(applause ceases)
427
00:17:31,000 --> 00:17:33,375
I believe in the future
of agriculture
428
00:17:33,375 --> 00:17:36,417
with a faith born not of words
but of deeds.
429
00:17:36,417 --> 00:17:40,083
I believe that to live and work
on a good farm is pleasant
430
00:17:40,083 --> 00:17:41,583
as well as challenging.
431
00:17:41,583 --> 00:17:45,083
...for I know the joys and
discomforts of agricultural life
432
00:17:45,083 --> 00:17:48,667
which, even in hours of
discouragement, I cannot deny.
433
00:17:48,667 --> 00:17:49,708
(blows air)
434
00:17:49,708 --> 00:17:50,792
(chirping)
435
00:17:50,792 --> 00:17:52,291
ALL:
Aw...
436
00:17:52,291 --> 00:17:55,375
I can exert an influence
in my home and community
437
00:17:55,375 --> 00:17:59,792
which will stand solid for my
part in that inspiring task.
438
00:18:02,417 --> 00:18:06,250
(cheering)
439
00:18:06,250 --> 00:18:09,417
That flag always makes me wish
I hadn't deserted my unit.
440
00:18:14,500 --> 00:18:16,875
My name is Napoleon Dynamite,
441
00:18:17,209 --> 00:18:19,875
and here's my way better version
of the creed:
442
00:18:19,875 --> 00:18:23,166
I believe in the future
of agriculture,
443
00:18:23,166 --> 00:18:26,291
with a faith born
not of words but of deeds.
444
00:18:26,291 --> 00:18:28,208
That's it, Nicole,
go for his pits.
445
00:18:28,208 --> 00:18:29,708
(laughing)
446
00:18:29,708 --> 00:18:31,500
He's blaspheming our creed!
447
00:18:31,500 --> 00:18:32,667
(audience booing)
448
00:18:32,667 --> 00:18:34,875
On behalf of the
Future Farmers of America,
449
00:18:35,209 --> 00:18:36,500
I revoke your membership.
450
00:18:36,500 --> 00:18:39,834
You are no longer a future
farmer or an American.
451
00:18:40,750 --> 00:18:42,250
No!
(fingers snap)
452
00:18:43,917 --> 00:18:45,166
Hey, stop
dragging me! Gosh!
453
00:18:45,166 --> 00:18:46,834
And now we'd like to bring
Filson up
454
00:18:46,834 --> 00:18:48,250
so we can reveal
who the winner is.
455
00:18:48,250 --> 00:18:50,625
Wait!
456
00:18:50,625 --> 00:18:53,708
Even though Napoleon is
a crappy friend sometimes,
457
00:18:53,708 --> 00:18:55,500
he truly loves the FFA.
458
00:18:55,500 --> 00:18:57,834
So while you were tearing
the patch off his jacket,
459
00:18:57,834 --> 00:18:58,959
I wrote this song.
460
00:18:58,959 --> 00:19:01,375
(ballad playing)
461
00:19:05,708 --> 00:19:08,291
♪ I was thinking
the other day ♪
462
00:19:08,291 --> 00:19:12,291
♪ As Napoleon zipped his jacket
up all the way ♪
463
00:19:12,291 --> 00:19:15,083
♪ How he's proud
to be in the FFA ♪
464
00:19:17,834 --> 00:19:21,000
♪ He loves to milk cows
and shear sheep ♪
465
00:19:21,000 --> 00:19:24,291
♪ Judges piggies in his sleep ♪
466
00:19:24,291 --> 00:19:29,041
♪ He can make
a grown horse weep ♪
467
00:19:29,041 --> 00:19:32,125
♪ He's proud to say ♪
468
00:19:32,125 --> 00:19:34,708
♪ He's in the FFA ♪
469
00:19:34,708 --> 00:19:36,875
♪ And I'm proud to say ♪
470
00:19:36,875 --> 00:19:40,542
♪ He's my best hombre ♪
471
00:19:40,542 --> 00:19:43,875
♪ And I know
I wouldn't trade him ♪
472
00:19:44,000 --> 00:19:46,000
♪ For food or hay. ♪
473
00:19:47,750 --> 00:19:49,333
(audience cheering)
474
00:19:49,333 --> 00:19:51,625
(sniffles)
475
00:19:51,625 --> 00:19:55,583
That was the most beautiful song
about farming I've ever heard,
476
00:19:55,583 --> 00:19:59,333
and I'm including "Old McDonald"
and "Jimmy Crack Corn."
477
00:19:59,333 --> 00:20:00,834
(audience murmurs approval)
478
00:20:00,834 --> 00:20:03,250
This is what the FFA
is all about:
479
00:20:03,250 --> 00:20:05,917
friendship, loyalty,
and timely membership payments.
480
00:20:06,000 --> 00:20:10,208
Therefore, I declare
Team Dynamite the winner!
481
00:20:10,208 --> 00:20:11,750
(cheering)
482
00:20:13,208 --> 00:20:15,708
Y'all want to see my Speedo?
483
00:20:15,708 --> 00:20:17,417
(audience gasping)
484
00:20:17,417 --> 00:20:18,750
Put your pants
back on, son.
485
00:20:18,750 --> 00:20:19,875
Nobody cares.
486
00:20:19,875 --> 00:20:22,417
You don't like this one,
I got another.
487
00:20:22,417 --> 00:20:24,291
(fabric tears)
Oops! No, I don't!
488
00:20:24,291 --> 00:20:26,750
Welcome back to the FFA, son.
489
00:20:26,750 --> 00:20:28,375
Sweet!
490
00:20:28,375 --> 00:20:30,208
Nice save, Pedro.
491
00:20:30,208 --> 00:20:32,250
Curtis never would've done
that for me.
492
00:20:32,250 --> 00:20:33,750
You were right, Napoleon.
493
00:20:33,750 --> 00:20:36,458
We do make a pretty
awesome team.
494
00:20:36,458 --> 00:20:38,708
Hey, Pedro,
don't tell Deb
495
00:20:38,708 --> 00:20:40,875
about all that
tickling junk, okay?
496
00:20:40,875 --> 00:20:42,375
I saw nothing.
497
00:20:43,542 --> 00:20:45,959
Sure is good to have
our house back, Kipper.
498
00:20:45,959 --> 00:20:48,959
It'll be nice to stretch out
and have you razor my corns.
499
00:20:48,959 --> 00:20:50,417
Dang it.
500
00:20:51,667 --> 00:20:54,333
Grandma, Rico's
talking to his van.
501
00:20:54,333 --> 00:20:56,542
Yup.
He's pretty lonely.
502
00:20:56,542 --> 00:20:59,291
It was fun having company,
wasn't it, Santana?
503
00:21:01,750 --> 00:21:04,250
Aw, crap.
504
00:21:04,250 --> 00:21:06,125
Nah, I wasn't ignoring
you, Santana.
505
00:21:06,125 --> 00:21:08,542
I just had family over.
506
00:21:08,542 --> 00:21:09,834
Hey, Uncle Rico,
it still smells
507
00:21:09,834 --> 00:21:11,333
kinda poison-y
in the house.
508
00:21:11,333 --> 00:21:14,417
Would it be okay
if we stay one more night?
509
00:21:14,417 --> 00:21:17,417
Okay, Napoleon, last week,
the father got arrested
510
00:21:17,417 --> 00:21:18,959
for beating up
a Peeping Tom
511
00:21:18,959 --> 00:21:21,166
who, in a hilarious twist,
turned out to be Kip!
512
00:21:21,166 --> 00:21:22,959
NAPOLEON:
That daughter's pretty hot.
513
00:21:23,041 --> 00:21:24,375
GRANDMA:
Not for long
514
00:21:24,375 --> 00:21:27,542
if she keeps eating meat loaf
like that!
515
00:21:27,542 --> 00:21:29,083
NAPOLEON:
Rude.
32740
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