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1
00:00:02,125 --> 00:00:04,333
(horn honking)
(gasps)
2
00:00:04,333 --> 00:00:05,708
Geez.
Hey.
3
00:00:05,708 --> 00:00:07,333
(growls)
4
00:00:07,333 --> 00:00:09,458
Dang.
5
00:00:09,458 --> 00:00:10,708
(panting)
6
00:00:13,959 --> 00:00:15,208
(grunts)
7
00:00:16,291 --> 00:00:17,375
PEDRO:
Hello, Napoleon.
8
00:00:17,375 --> 00:00:18,667
NAPOLEON:
Hey, Pedro.
9
00:00:19,792 --> 00:00:21,583
(grunting)
10
00:00:21,583 --> 00:00:22,667
(sighing)
11
00:00:27,125 --> 00:00:29,125
(rooster crowing)
12
00:00:29,125 --> 00:00:32,708
Good morning, and welcome
to Cock-A-Doodle, Preston!
13
00:00:32,708 --> 00:00:33,917
I'm Art Doodle.
14
00:00:33,917 --> 00:00:35,500
And I'm Janet Kocka.
15
00:00:35,500 --> 00:00:36,708
I hate this show.
16
00:00:36,708 --> 00:00:38,250
They have no chemistry at all.
17
00:00:38,250 --> 00:00:41,375
You don't need chemistry when
you're a babe like Janet Kocka.
18
00:00:41,375 --> 00:00:43,875
So, what did you do
last night, Art?
19
00:00:43,875 --> 00:00:46,667
Changed my oil,
buried my mother, went to bed.
20
00:00:46,667 --> 00:00:48,417
You lead the life, Art.
21
00:00:48,417 --> 00:00:49,417
Yeah, well.
22
00:00:49,417 --> 00:00:50,667
That Art Doodle--
23
00:00:50,667 --> 00:00:52,542
I could watch him
read the phone book.
24
00:00:52,542 --> 00:00:54,125
He does that
Fridays at 8:00.
25
00:00:54,125 --> 00:00:56,792
You know what time of year
it is, right, Art?
26
00:00:56,792 --> 00:00:58,875
Yeah, spray the
cattle for pinkeye.
27
00:00:58,875 --> 00:01:01,792
That and the Preston
Bed Races!
28
00:01:01,792 --> 00:01:04,083
Turn it up!
This is my segment!
29
00:01:04,083 --> 00:01:05,333
Every year,
30
00:01:05,333 --> 00:01:07,583
the citizens of Preston
race their beds
31
00:01:07,583 --> 00:01:10,667
down Main Street in the town's
most beloved tradition.
32
00:01:10,667 --> 00:01:11,750
Hey!
33
00:01:11,750 --> 00:01:13,166
Oh, man, what was I thinking
34
00:01:13,166 --> 00:01:14,333
with that ascot?
35
00:01:14,333 --> 00:01:15,834
JANET:
Anyone can win,
36
00:01:15,834 --> 00:01:18,500
but my money's on six-time
defending champion,
37
00:01:18,500 --> 00:01:20,166
Grandma Dynamite.
38
00:01:20,166 --> 00:01:21,875
(cheering and whooping)
39
00:01:21,875 --> 00:01:23,875
♪ ♪
40
00:01:25,291 --> 00:01:27,917
Grandma and I smoke
you guys every year.
41
00:01:28,000 --> 00:01:29,917
Your bed's too easy
to push, Kip.
42
00:01:29,917 --> 00:01:31,750
You're the smallest man
who ever lived.
43
00:01:31,750 --> 00:01:33,708
You only weigh, like, 40 pounds.
44
00:01:33,708 --> 00:01:36,417
Napoleon, you were born a loser,
you'll die a loser,
45
00:01:36,417 --> 00:01:39,834
and I will do interpretive
funk jazz on your grave.
46
00:01:39,834 --> 00:01:41,375
Good one, Kipper.
47
00:01:41,375 --> 00:01:42,917
So, what do you say?
48
00:01:42,917 --> 00:01:46,333
You ready to hop in Grandma's
bed and have a good time?
49
00:01:46,333 --> 00:01:47,417
Sick!
50
00:01:47,417 --> 00:01:48,875
Napoleon, it's a bed race.
51
00:01:48,875 --> 00:01:51,792
Everything is going to sound
like a double entendre.
52
00:01:51,792 --> 00:01:53,625
I got a double
entendre for you.
53
00:01:53,625 --> 00:01:55,792
You two are finally
gonna lose this year
54
00:01:55,792 --> 00:01:57,625
to Team Rico-poleon.
55
00:01:57,625 --> 00:01:59,917
Yeah, I already drew
us a sweet team logo.
56
00:01:59,917 --> 00:02:02,792
And I've been chugging
cow's blood.
57
00:02:02,792 --> 00:02:04,667
Worked for Dracula.
58
00:02:04,667 --> 00:02:06,041
He's fast as crap.
59
00:02:06,041 --> 00:02:08,417
GRANDMA:
Sorry, Rico. I didn't
hear what you said.
60
00:02:08,417 --> 00:02:10,917
I had these trophies in my ears.
61
00:02:10,917 --> 00:02:12,083
Oh, yeah,
Carlinda?
62
00:02:12,083 --> 00:02:13,583
Let's see how
tough you are
63
00:02:13,583 --> 00:02:15,917
without your beloved
butterscotch balls.
64
00:02:17,000 --> 00:02:19,166
(gagging and coughing)
65
00:02:19,166 --> 00:02:22,166
Nobody Heimlichs him
till I say so.
66
00:02:22,166 --> 00:02:24,875
(Rico gagging)
Not yet. Bluer.
67
00:02:24,875 --> 00:02:26,333
(gagging continues)
68
00:02:26,333 --> 00:02:28,333
(snoring)
69
00:02:29,291 --> 00:02:30,625
(gasps)
70
00:02:30,625 --> 00:02:32,333
Kip, there's no monsters.
71
00:02:32,333 --> 00:02:34,750
Turn the light off!
(truck horn blowing)
72
00:02:34,750 --> 00:02:37,959
Truck!
(horn blowing)
73
00:02:37,959 --> 00:02:39,959
Rico, what the heck
are you doing?!
74
00:02:40,041 --> 00:02:41,542
Training!
75
00:02:42,625 --> 00:02:44,792
Help! My wife's
having a baby!
76
00:02:44,792 --> 00:02:46,291
We need a bed!
77
00:02:46,291 --> 00:02:48,000
Sorry. Training!
78
00:02:48,000 --> 00:02:50,750
I knew that was
too good to be true.
79
00:02:50,750 --> 00:02:53,166
Why is this stupid race
so important to you?
80
00:02:53,166 --> 00:02:55,250
You think I'm a loser,
don't you, Napoleon?
81
00:02:55,250 --> 00:02:56,583
You know I do.
82
00:02:56,583 --> 00:02:58,625
It's pretty much the thing
I believe the most.
83
00:02:58,625 --> 00:03:00,375
Well, it wasn't always
like that.
84
00:03:00,375 --> 00:03:02,375
Get yourself
comfortable.
85
00:03:02,375 --> 00:03:04,625
Back in high school,
I had this friend.
86
00:03:04,625 --> 00:03:06,667
His name was Rico,
and he was me.
87
00:03:06,667 --> 00:03:08,291
Aw, dang, I messed that up.
88
00:03:08,291 --> 00:03:09,750
Anyway...
89
00:03:09,750 --> 00:03:12,792
(crowd cheering)
90
00:03:12,792 --> 00:03:16,041
Okay, the state championship
comes down to this one play.
91
00:03:16,041 --> 00:03:17,208
Coach, we got to
92
00:03:17,208 --> 00:03:18,708
(voice cracking):
throw the ball to Rico!
93
00:03:18,708 --> 00:03:20,500
Don't tell me
how to utilize Rico.
94
00:03:20,500 --> 00:03:22,375
I'm still the coach
of Rico's Team!
95
00:03:22,375 --> 00:03:24,083
Okay, we're throwing the ball
to Rico.
96
00:03:24,083 --> 00:03:25,500
Hey, where is Rico?
97
00:03:25,500 --> 00:03:27,083
(to the tune of "Mickey"):
Oh, Rico, you're so fine.
98
00:03:27,083 --> 00:03:28,667
You're so fine,
you blow my mind.
99
00:03:28,667 --> 00:03:29,875
Hey, Rico.
100
00:03:29,875 --> 00:03:31,125
Hey, Rico.
101
00:03:31,125 --> 00:03:32,500
That's me!
102
00:03:32,500 --> 00:03:34,834
I'd love to stay and flirt
with all you girls,
103
00:03:34,834 --> 00:03:36,667
but I got to go win the game.
104
00:03:36,667 --> 00:03:37,834
After you win
this game,
105
00:03:37,834 --> 00:03:39,500
I'm going to let
you do something
106
00:03:39,500 --> 00:03:41,125
I've only let 12
other guys do--
107
00:03:41,125 --> 00:03:42,542
buy me a root
beer float.
108
00:03:42,542 --> 00:03:44,458
Hot dang! Thanks, Candy!
109
00:03:44,458 --> 00:03:47,250
(whistle blows)
PRATT:
Rico, showtime!
110
00:03:47,250 --> 00:03:48,750
(crowd cheering)
111
00:03:48,750 --> 00:03:51,125
You're throwing the
ball to me, right?
112
00:03:51,125 --> 00:03:52,417
You know it, Rico!
113
00:03:52,417 --> 00:03:53,750
Hut, hut, hike!
114
00:03:53,750 --> 00:03:56,375
CROWD:
Yeah! Ri-co!
115
00:03:56,375 --> 00:03:58,291
Ri-co! Ri-co!
116
00:04:03,583 --> 00:04:05,917
Hey, the new Dodge Santana.
117
00:04:05,917 --> 00:04:07,458
(whistles)
118
00:04:07,458 --> 00:04:09,458
That thing's a mobile palace!
119
00:04:09,458 --> 00:04:10,834
(grunts)
Oh!
120
00:04:10,834 --> 00:04:12,583
(buzzer sounds)
121
00:04:12,583 --> 00:04:13,834
(crowd booing)
122
00:04:16,041 --> 00:04:19,750
And that was the day
I became Uncle Rico.
123
00:04:19,750 --> 00:04:22,542
Wake up! I was telling you
my origin story.
124
00:04:22,542 --> 00:04:24,500
More like
your "bore-igin" story.
125
00:04:24,500 --> 00:04:25,875
Take me home!
126
00:04:26,209 --> 00:04:28,792
Okay, soon as I figure out
how to ditch these wolves.
127
00:04:28,792 --> 00:04:31,291
(barking and howling)
128
00:04:31,291 --> 00:04:33,250
(band plays "Camptown Races")
129
00:04:33,250 --> 00:04:35,250
Hello, everybody.
I'm Mayor Odell.
130
00:04:35,250 --> 00:04:36,542
(booing)
131
00:04:36,542 --> 00:04:38,792
And it's a beautiful day
for a bed race!
132
00:04:38,792 --> 00:04:40,083
ALL:
Yay!
133
00:04:40,083 --> 00:04:42,625
Now, let's meet
your contestants.
134
00:04:42,625 --> 00:04:45,917
(band plays "Camptown Races")
135
00:04:46,000 --> 00:04:47,917
SCANTRONIA:
Hello.
136
00:04:48,000 --> 00:04:50,125
This is just my dog's bed.
137
00:04:50,125 --> 00:04:52,125
I know. It's crazy!
138
00:04:52,125 --> 00:04:53,458
(barking)
139
00:04:53,458 --> 00:04:56,583
This mattress costs more
than your homes!
140
00:04:56,583 --> 00:04:58,875
Way to rub their
noses in it, Mom!
141
00:04:58,875 --> 00:04:59,959
Cheer to your sensei!
142
00:05:00,000 --> 00:05:01,166
(cheering)
143
00:05:01,166 --> 00:05:03,250
They love us, baby!
144
00:05:03,250 --> 00:05:05,250
(whirring)
145
00:05:05,250 --> 00:05:06,834
Hello, race fans.
146
00:05:06,834 --> 00:05:08,375
We've already been disqualified,
147
00:05:08,375 --> 00:05:11,333
but my cousins worked
very hard tricking out this bed.
148
00:05:11,333 --> 00:05:14,458
("La Cucaracha" horn blows,
crowd cheers)
149
00:05:14,458 --> 00:05:18,208
And our reigning Bed Race
champion, six-time winner,
150
00:05:18,208 --> 00:05:19,792
Grandma Dynamite!
151
00:05:19,792 --> 00:05:23,708
(whooping, tires squealing)
152
00:05:23,708 --> 00:05:25,375
Yeah.
(cheering and whooping)
153
00:05:27,125 --> 00:05:28,834
I get to go
home with her.
154
00:05:28,834 --> 00:05:31,291
And... Rico Dynamite.
155
00:05:31,291 --> 00:05:32,458
(wheels squeaking)
156
00:05:32,458 --> 00:05:35,083
Hey, how y'all doing?
157
00:05:35,083 --> 00:05:37,792
The squeak just makes it
extra embarrassing.
158
00:05:37,792 --> 00:05:42,291
(grunting)
159
00:05:42,291 --> 00:05:44,834
Check it out, Napoleon.
160
00:05:44,834 --> 00:05:47,708
It's aerodynamic and snug
in all the right places.
161
00:05:47,708 --> 00:05:51,458
Gross! You look like a garbage
bag full of chicken wings.
162
00:05:51,458 --> 00:05:53,125
I also got science on my side.
163
00:05:53,125 --> 00:05:54,917
This bracelet has
a magnet in it.
164
00:05:54,917 --> 00:05:56,667
I bought it
from a SkyMall catalog
165
00:05:56,667 --> 00:05:58,834
I found at the site
of a plane crash.
166
00:05:58,834 --> 00:06:01,583
You can wear all
the magic crap you want.
167
00:06:01,583 --> 00:06:03,333
This is my race, Rico!
168
00:06:03,333 --> 00:06:06,458
That's why I'm in the Preston
Garden of Fame.
169
00:06:06,458 --> 00:06:10,041
KIP:
Yeah, next to Preston's
first monogamist couple.
170
00:06:10,041 --> 00:06:12,375
And the astronaut
whose car broke down here.
171
00:06:12,375 --> 00:06:13,750
NAPOLEON:
Wow.
172
00:06:13,750 --> 00:06:15,583
They got that up quick.
173
00:06:15,583 --> 00:06:17,875
(steam hissing)
(over radio):
Still waiting on a part.
174
00:06:17,875 --> 00:06:20,209
On your mark.
175
00:06:22,041 --> 00:06:23,209
Get set.
176
00:06:25,708 --> 00:06:27,125
It's bedtime!
177
00:06:27,125 --> 00:06:29,500
(gunshot, cheering)
178
00:06:29,500 --> 00:06:30,667
(laughing)
179
00:06:30,667 --> 00:06:32,792
(tires squealing, crashing)
180
00:06:42,917 --> 00:06:45,166
Not enough room for
both of us, Rico.
181
00:06:45,166 --> 00:06:46,583
(grunts)
Get out of my way!
182
00:06:46,583 --> 00:06:48,750
Over my sleek,
aerodynamic body.
183
00:06:50,500 --> 00:06:53,291
We're gonna win it, Percy!
184
00:06:53,291 --> 00:06:55,166
(metallic rattling
and squeaking)
185
00:06:57,125 --> 00:06:59,125
You'll suffer no more.
186
00:07:01,750 --> 00:07:03,125
REX:
Sorry for your loss.
187
00:07:03,125 --> 00:07:05,291
(grunting)
188
00:07:05,291 --> 00:07:06,458
(metallic rattling)
189
00:07:06,458 --> 00:07:08,166
(grunting)
190
00:07:08,166 --> 00:07:09,792
Oh. Geez!
191
00:07:09,792 --> 00:07:11,041
Ow!
192
00:07:11,041 --> 00:07:12,875
That had a battery in it, jerk!
193
00:07:13,209 --> 00:07:14,291
Looking winded, Rico!
194
00:07:14,291 --> 00:07:16,834
Well, you're looking like
a flappity old husk, Carlinda.
195
00:07:16,834 --> 00:07:18,708
(panting)
Why don't you
just drop out?
196
00:07:18,708 --> 00:07:21,792
Everyone knows how good you are
at dropping stuff.
197
00:07:21,792 --> 00:07:24,166
(Grandma laughs)
198
00:07:24,166 --> 00:07:26,208
If Grandma and
Kip beat us again,
199
00:07:26,208 --> 00:07:28,375
we'll be the laughingstock
of Family Night.
200
00:07:28,375 --> 00:07:29,625
I hear you, Napoleon.
201
00:07:29,625 --> 00:07:30,875
That's why
we're gonna cheat.
202
00:07:31,209 --> 00:07:32,125
Okay.
203
00:07:33,166 --> 00:07:35,291
(Napoleon grunts)
204
00:07:35,291 --> 00:07:36,542
I'll give you 50 bucks
205
00:07:36,542 --> 00:07:38,375
for that heavy lead
blanket you're wearing.
206
00:07:38,375 --> 00:07:39,667
Sold!
207
00:07:39,667 --> 00:07:42,041
Thanks! I'll
pay you later.
208
00:07:42,041 --> 00:07:44,375
One, that was not
yours to sell.
209
00:07:44,375 --> 00:07:46,917
And two, you're going
to be very sick tonight.
210
00:07:47,000 --> 00:07:49,250
(whirring)
211
00:07:49,250 --> 00:07:50,500
Uh...
212
00:07:50,500 --> 00:07:53,417
(grunting and panting)
213
00:07:54,708 --> 00:07:57,417
Hey, Kip.
214
00:07:57,417 --> 00:07:59,333
Hey, now I can't see.
215
00:07:59,333 --> 00:08:00,750
Make the switch, Napoleon!
216
00:08:00,750 --> 00:08:02,625
Huh? Huh? Huh?
217
00:08:02,625 --> 00:08:04,542
(panting)
218
00:08:04,542 --> 00:08:06,708
Kip, I'm hitting
the wall!
219
00:08:06,708 --> 00:08:08,792
Everything feels heavier.
220
00:08:08,792 --> 00:08:10,834
Yeah!
221
00:08:11,167 --> 00:08:14,250
(cheering)
222
00:08:16,167 --> 00:08:18,458
(Grandma panting,
wheels squeaking)
223
00:08:21,291 --> 00:08:23,333
(panting continues)
224
00:08:23,333 --> 00:08:24,500
(sighs)
225
00:08:24,500 --> 00:08:26,125
(cheering)
226
00:08:26,125 --> 00:08:28,542
We did it! We cheated
our way to victory!
227
00:08:28,542 --> 00:08:30,500
We're heroes! Sweet!
228
00:08:30,500 --> 00:08:32,417
What do you say we high-five?
229
00:08:32,417 --> 00:08:34,291
You don't ask.
Just do it.
230
00:08:34,291 --> 00:08:37,125
It worked!
231
00:08:40,291 --> 00:08:42,542
RICO:
And that's when I knew
232
00:08:42,542 --> 00:08:44,500
I won the Bed Race
fair and square.
233
00:08:44,500 --> 00:08:46,625
Next question.
(overlapping shouting)
234
00:08:46,625 --> 00:08:48,792
Deb Bradshaw,
Preston High School Bugle.
235
00:08:48,792 --> 00:08:51,291
Napoleon, what advice
do you have for young people?
236
00:08:51,291 --> 00:08:52,667
Follow your dreams.
237
00:08:52,667 --> 00:08:55,792
Also, never throw a water
balloon at a pickup truck.
238
00:08:55,792 --> 00:08:57,458
There might be a judge inside.
239
00:08:57,458 --> 00:08:58,834
As student body president,
240
00:08:58,834 --> 00:09:01,375
I present you
with a lifetime hall pass.
241
00:09:01,375 --> 00:09:03,708
This is good for any
hall in the school.
Sweet!
242
00:09:03,708 --> 00:09:05,125
What about stairwells?
243
00:09:05,125 --> 00:09:06,792
I'm not God, Napoleon.
244
00:09:06,792 --> 00:09:08,834
Rico, in honor
of your great victory today,
245
00:09:09,167 --> 00:09:11,125
I'm taking down
that picture you hate so much.
246
00:09:11,125 --> 00:09:13,834
The one that says, "Do not
take checks from this man"?
247
00:09:14,167 --> 00:09:16,542
No. This one.
248
00:09:16,542 --> 00:09:17,750
(applause)
249
00:09:17,750 --> 00:09:19,625
Hey, Rico, remember me?
250
00:09:19,625 --> 00:09:21,708
Candy? The head cheerleader?
251
00:09:21,708 --> 00:09:23,458
Head waitress now.
252
00:09:23,458 --> 00:09:25,333
I always knew
you were going places.
253
00:09:25,333 --> 00:09:26,708
Heard about
your big win.
254
00:09:26,708 --> 00:09:28,583
Did you hear about
my big divorce?
255
00:09:28,583 --> 00:09:30,417
Did you hear
about my big order?
256
00:09:30,417 --> 00:09:32,542
I ordered fries,
like, an hour ago.
257
00:09:32,542 --> 00:09:34,125
Well, as long
as you're with Rico,
258
00:09:34,125 --> 00:09:36,208
you can have anything
you want in this place.
259
00:09:36,208 --> 00:09:38,708
Can I have
that napkin dispenser?
260
00:09:38,708 --> 00:09:40,208
Sure.
Sweet!
261
00:09:40,208 --> 00:09:42,208
These things
never run out.
262
00:09:44,000 --> 00:09:46,625
Rico, I made a special sandwich,
named it after you.
263
00:09:46,625 --> 00:09:48,375
Really? What's it called?
264
00:09:48,375 --> 00:09:49,291
The Rico.
265
00:09:49,291 --> 00:09:50,875
Hey, that's my name!
266
00:09:50,875 --> 00:09:53,208
It's got crawfish,
peanuts and strawberries.
267
00:09:53,208 --> 00:09:55,291
Aren't you allergic
to all those things?
268
00:09:55,291 --> 00:09:58,208
Yeah, but how often do you get
a sandwich named after you?
269
00:10:00,500 --> 00:10:03,208
(muffled):
Delicious. Such an honor.
270
00:10:07,250 --> 00:10:09,458
117, 118.
271
00:10:09,458 --> 00:10:12,083
I can't believe
how much free stuff we got
272
00:10:12,083 --> 00:10:13,917
just for winning
that stupid race.
273
00:10:13,917 --> 00:10:15,750
Do you know how much
I would have had to pay
274
00:10:15,750 --> 00:10:16,959
for this dragon figurine?
275
00:10:16,959 --> 00:10:18,333
And I've got enough tile grout
276
00:10:18,333 --> 00:10:20,250
to last me the rest of my life!
277
00:10:20,250 --> 00:10:21,875
You don't even have a bathtub.
278
00:10:21,875 --> 00:10:23,583
The world is my bathtub,
Napoleon.
279
00:10:23,583 --> 00:10:25,250
When are you gonna learn that?
280
00:10:25,250 --> 00:10:27,959
Okay, well, I'm going inside now
'cause I've been with you
281
00:10:27,959 --> 00:10:30,208
all day, and I'm kind
of sick of you.
282
00:10:30,208 --> 00:10:32,708
Hang on a second. We got
to get our story straight.
283
00:10:32,708 --> 00:10:33,875
Ready?
Ready.
284
00:10:33,875 --> 00:10:36,750
We did not cheat.
285
00:10:36,750 --> 00:10:38,417
Okay.
286
00:10:38,417 --> 00:10:41,375
Attaboy. And should you
ever get the urge to talk,
287
00:10:41,375 --> 00:10:44,000
just remember there's plenty
more where these came from.
288
00:10:46,917 --> 00:10:48,875
(sighs)
289
00:10:56,625 --> 00:10:58,792
Good morning, sunshine!
290
00:10:58,792 --> 00:11:01,041
Grandma, that table's on fire!
291
00:11:01,041 --> 00:11:02,417
That's a stove.
292
00:11:02,417 --> 00:11:05,125
I'm making you
a nutritious breakfast.
293
00:11:05,125 --> 00:11:06,250
Breakfast?
294
00:11:06,250 --> 00:11:07,917
For me? Why?
295
00:11:07,917 --> 00:11:11,166
'Cause you're the new bed
racing champion in the house.
296
00:11:11,166 --> 00:11:12,542
Don't worry, Grandma.
297
00:11:12,542 --> 00:11:13,959
You'll win again next year.
298
00:11:13,959 --> 00:11:16,917
Oh, no, my racing days are over.
299
00:11:16,917 --> 00:11:19,542
You and Rico
showed me that yesterday.
300
00:11:19,542 --> 00:11:21,375
We did?
Yeah.
301
00:11:21,375 --> 00:11:22,959
I got to start
acting my age.
302
00:11:22,959 --> 00:11:25,458
I mean, my friggin'
name is Grandma.
303
00:11:25,458 --> 00:11:26,959
What the heck
are you wearing?
304
00:11:27,083 --> 00:11:28,542
It's called
a dress.
305
00:11:28,542 --> 00:11:29,834
Thought I'd
give it a try.
306
00:11:29,834 --> 00:11:30,917
What do you think?
307
00:11:31,000 --> 00:11:32,542
You look like a sissy.
308
00:11:32,542 --> 00:11:34,834
Grandma, there's a
solicitor at the door.
309
00:11:34,834 --> 00:11:37,667
Do you want your pepper
spray or your chasing bat?
310
00:11:37,667 --> 00:11:40,417
Kip, the man's just trying
to make a living.
311
00:11:40,417 --> 00:11:43,125
Let's hear what
he has to say.
312
00:11:43,125 --> 00:11:45,166
What the freak's
wrong with her?
313
00:11:45,166 --> 00:11:46,875
She's been acting
odd ever since
314
00:11:46,875 --> 00:11:48,792
you creamed our
A's in the race.
315
00:11:48,792 --> 00:11:51,750
This morning, I caught
her quilting this.
316
00:11:51,750 --> 00:11:52,917
Creepy.
317
00:11:55,208 --> 00:11:56,250
Wow, Napoleon.
318
00:11:56,250 --> 00:11:57,750
You got him right
in his third crotch.
319
00:11:57,750 --> 00:11:59,125
Whatever.
320
00:11:59,125 --> 00:12:02,083
Being an expert bowsman
isn't as fun as it used to be.
321
00:12:02,083 --> 00:12:03,291
You seem depressed,
Napoleon.
322
00:12:03,291 --> 00:12:04,875
Do you want
to talk about it?
323
00:12:05,209 --> 00:12:06,375
No.
324
00:12:06,375 --> 00:12:07,917
Okay, here's the deal.
325
00:12:08,041 --> 00:12:09,542
My grandma's gone loco.
326
00:12:09,542 --> 00:12:11,041
She's, like, friendly to people
327
00:12:11,041 --> 00:12:14,458
and whistling and clipping
out articles in the newspaper
328
00:12:14,458 --> 00:12:15,834
and mailing them to me.
329
00:12:15,834 --> 00:12:17,208
Getting mail is fun.
330
00:12:17,208 --> 00:12:18,750
Yeah, but
it's not her.
331
00:12:18,750 --> 00:12:20,917
She's just a boring
old lady now.
332
00:12:21,000 --> 00:12:22,834
Napoleon, you got mail.
333
00:12:26,834 --> 00:12:28,041
(groans)
334
00:12:30,125 --> 00:12:32,959
(sobbing)
335
00:12:33,041 --> 00:12:36,291
Sorry, honey, we'll go after
I get back from Afghanistan.
336
00:12:36,291 --> 00:12:40,166
It sure was nice of the owner to
close the theater just for us.
337
00:12:40,166 --> 00:12:42,291
And to convert my
home movies to 3-D.
338
00:12:44,417 --> 00:12:45,959
(screams)
Whoa.
339
00:12:45,959 --> 00:12:48,959
Looks like I just caught
a tight spiral from Cupid.
340
00:12:48,959 --> 00:12:49,959
Sick!
341
00:12:49,959 --> 00:12:51,166
(gasps)
Napoleon!
342
00:12:51,166 --> 00:12:53,000
Can't you see
I'm in mid-seduction?
343
00:12:53,000 --> 00:12:55,500
We need to talk,
without any broads around.
344
00:12:55,500 --> 00:12:57,250
No offense, milady.
345
00:12:57,250 --> 00:12:59,000
Here's the key
to the snack bar.
346
00:12:59,083 --> 00:13:01,208
Go get yourself
a "Tobleroney."
347
00:13:01,208 --> 00:13:03,208
And a box of Dots!
348
00:13:03,208 --> 00:13:05,375
Rico, I'm kind of
feeling guilty.
349
00:13:05,375 --> 00:13:07,166
We need to tell Grandma
we cheated.
350
00:13:07,166 --> 00:13:08,375
Oh, no, we don't.
351
00:13:08,375 --> 00:13:10,458
You like not paying
for your dragon figurines?
352
00:13:10,458 --> 00:13:11,458
Uh-huh.
353
00:13:11,458 --> 00:13:12,667
You enjoy roaming the halls
354
00:13:12,667 --> 00:13:14,708
at school like
an escaped gorilla at the zoo?
355
00:13:14,708 --> 00:13:15,875
Heck yes, I do.
356
00:13:16,209 --> 00:13:17,708
Then best you keep
your mouth shut.
357
00:13:17,708 --> 00:13:19,542
But I'm worried
about Grandma.
358
00:13:19,542 --> 00:13:21,083
I think her brain
is broken.
359
00:13:21,083 --> 00:13:22,458
What about your
Uncle Rico?
360
00:13:22,458 --> 00:13:24,208
This is the happiest
I've ever been.
361
00:13:24,208 --> 00:13:26,542
Look at me,
with a girl in a movie theater
362
00:13:26,542 --> 00:13:27,708
on a Saturday night.
363
00:13:27,708 --> 00:13:29,458
I'm like
the goll-dang president!
364
00:13:29,458 --> 00:13:32,667
I'm sorry, did you say
Dots or Duds?
365
00:13:32,667 --> 00:13:34,208
Dots! Geez!
366
00:13:35,417 --> 00:13:36,625
I'm serious, Napoleon.
367
00:13:36,625 --> 00:13:38,792
The town even wants
to put one of them
368
00:13:38,792 --> 00:13:40,875
bush statues of me in
the Garden of Fame.
369
00:13:40,875 --> 00:13:42,792
Please don't take
all this away from me.
370
00:13:42,792 --> 00:13:44,917
I don't want to die
alone in that van.
371
00:13:44,917 --> 00:13:46,959
Fine! Forget I asked!
372
00:13:47,041 --> 00:13:48,792
Here's your Duds.
373
00:13:48,792 --> 00:13:49,792
(groans loudly)
374
00:13:57,000 --> 00:13:58,166
(gasps)
375
00:13:58,166 --> 00:13:59,333
That was close.
376
00:13:59,333 --> 00:14:01,583
I almost had a bad dream.
377
00:14:01,583 --> 00:14:03,917
All the napkins
in the world
378
00:14:04,000 --> 00:14:07,333
can't wipe the guilt
off your face, Napoleon.
379
00:14:07,333 --> 00:14:08,333
Wha...?
380
00:14:08,333 --> 00:14:09,500
He's right, Napoleon.
381
00:14:09,500 --> 00:14:11,041
You cheated your Grandma.
382
00:14:11,041 --> 00:14:15,333
The dragon and I don't agree
on much, but we agree on this.
383
00:14:15,333 --> 00:14:16,875
You guys can talk?
384
00:14:17,209 --> 00:14:19,625
All your ill-gotten gains
can talk.
385
00:14:19,625 --> 00:14:23,542
Ill-gotten gains
lead to gain-gotten ills.
386
00:14:23,542 --> 00:14:24,792
Uh-huh.
387
00:14:24,792 --> 00:14:26,041
Wait, what?
388
00:14:26,041 --> 00:14:28,708
If you spent more time in class
389
00:14:28,708 --> 00:14:31,917
and less time in the hall,
you'd understand.
390
00:14:31,917 --> 00:14:34,125
(roars)
391
00:14:34,125 --> 00:14:36,750
You've peed on me
countless times
392
00:14:36,750 --> 00:14:38,959
and I've always
pretended not to notice,
393
00:14:38,959 --> 00:14:41,417
but this I can't ignore!
394
00:14:41,417 --> 00:14:43,250
Why aren't you
haunting Uncle Rico?
395
00:14:43,250 --> 00:14:44,959
He doesn't have a conscience.
396
00:14:45,041 --> 00:14:46,500
Or a bed.
397
00:14:46,500 --> 00:14:48,291
You've got to tell the truth.
398
00:14:48,291 --> 00:14:49,917
Admit your deceit!
399
00:14:49,917 --> 00:14:51,250
And if I don't?
400
00:14:51,250 --> 00:14:52,458
Oh, that does it!
401
00:14:52,458 --> 00:14:54,417
(muffled grunting)
402
00:14:54,417 --> 00:14:55,375
Stop it, bed!
403
00:14:55,375 --> 00:14:56,625
You're going too far!
404
00:14:56,625 --> 00:14:58,375
Yes, you said
there'd be no killing.
405
00:14:58,375 --> 00:15:00,000
I said lots of things!
406
00:15:00,000 --> 00:15:00,875
(muffled screaming)
407
00:15:01,000 --> 00:15:02,708
(roars)
408
00:15:02,708 --> 00:15:03,917
(gasps)
409
00:15:03,917 --> 00:15:06,375
Ididhave a bad dream!
410
00:15:16,500 --> 00:15:18,917
(winch whirring,
rhythmic beeping)
411
00:15:18,917 --> 00:15:20,333
Grandma, what are
you doing?
412
00:15:20,333 --> 00:15:21,875
Donating my car to charity.
413
00:15:21,875 --> 00:15:23,667
(truck drives away)
I'm getting too old to drive.
414
00:15:23,667 --> 00:15:25,917
But that's the car
I was born in.
415
00:15:25,917 --> 00:15:27,500
I don't need to go anywhere.
416
00:15:27,500 --> 00:15:30,083
I just want to enjoy
the rest of my life,
417
00:15:30,083 --> 00:15:34,458
staring out the window
and buying commemorative plates.
418
00:15:35,583 --> 00:15:37,417
Grandma,
419
00:15:37,417 --> 00:15:39,166
there's something
I have to tell you.
420
00:15:39,166 --> 00:15:40,333
Yes, dearie?
421
00:15:40,333 --> 00:15:41,959
It's about the bed race.
422
00:15:42,041 --> 00:15:43,792
Rico and I kinda...
423
00:15:43,792 --> 00:15:45,166
Come on, Napoleon.
424
00:15:45,166 --> 00:15:47,500
I don't want to die
alone in my van.
425
00:15:51,667 --> 00:15:54,917
Please tell me somebody
died in there with him.
426
00:15:54,917 --> 00:15:56,708
Nope. I died alone.
427
00:15:56,708 --> 00:15:58,458
Thanks a lot, Napoleon.
428
00:15:59,750 --> 00:16:02,417
You were gonna tell me
something about the bed race?
429
00:16:02,417 --> 00:16:04,250
Well, I thought this year,
430
00:16:04,250 --> 00:16:06,542
the parking was
a lot more convenient.
431
00:16:06,542 --> 00:16:09,083
That's not what
they're saying online.
432
00:16:11,166 --> 00:16:12,542
Grandma, she's eating
the sweater
433
00:16:12,542 --> 00:16:14,166
faster than you can knit it.
434
00:16:14,166 --> 00:16:16,667
I don't care,
she's good company.
435
00:16:16,667 --> 00:16:18,875
Aren't you, Tina?
436
00:16:19,209 --> 00:16:21,333
You're turning into one of
those crazy llama ladies.
437
00:16:23,125 --> 00:16:25,250
JANET:
Welcome to Preston's favorite
438
00:16:25,250 --> 00:16:28,125
midday show,Cock-A-Doodle Noon!
439
00:16:28,125 --> 00:16:30,250
We're taking our show
on the road today
440
00:16:30,250 --> 00:16:31,667
to the Garden of Fame.
441
00:16:31,667 --> 00:16:33,083
You know why, Art?
442
00:16:33,083 --> 00:16:34,250
I don't pry.
443
00:16:34,250 --> 00:16:36,125
For the en-shrub-ment ceremony
444
00:16:36,125 --> 00:16:40,583
of former disgrace-turned-Bed-
Race-champion, Rico Dynamite!
445
00:16:40,583 --> 00:16:42,875
(crowd cheering)
446
00:16:42,875 --> 00:16:44,083
They're honoring
your Uncle Rico.
447
00:16:44,083 --> 00:16:45,834
We should be there
to support him.
448
00:16:45,834 --> 00:16:47,625
Like I always embroider,
449
00:16:47,625 --> 00:16:51,500
"There's nothing more important
than family."
450
00:16:51,500 --> 00:16:54,792
In order to make room for
the topiary of Rico Dynamite,
451
00:16:54,792 --> 00:16:56,708
they're going to
have to destroy the one
452
00:16:56,708 --> 00:16:58,875
of former champion
Grandma Dynamite.
453
00:16:59,000 --> 00:17:00,417
You think
they're related, Art?
454
00:17:00,417 --> 00:17:01,834
Maybe.
455
00:17:01,834 --> 00:17:03,875
You can't let them
do that, Grandma.
456
00:17:03,875 --> 00:17:06,333
They'll probably
replant me somewhere nice,
457
00:17:06,333 --> 00:17:08,750
like a park
or a pet cemetery.
458
00:17:08,750 --> 00:17:11,083
Any idea what they're
going to do with Grandma?
459
00:17:11,083 --> 00:17:12,291
Mulch her?
460
00:17:12,291 --> 00:17:14,250
Actually, that's correct!
461
00:17:16,166 --> 00:17:17,500
Tell her.
462
00:17:17,500 --> 00:17:19,208
You can't talk;
I'm awake.
463
00:17:19,208 --> 00:17:20,500
You're daydreaming.
464
00:17:20,500 --> 00:17:22,458
Now snap out of it and tell her.
465
00:17:22,458 --> 00:17:24,625
Grandma, I can't
take it anymore!
466
00:17:24,625 --> 00:17:25,834
Rico and I cheated.
467
00:17:25,834 --> 00:17:27,250
You should've won that race.
468
00:17:27,250 --> 00:17:28,333
What are you saying?
469
00:17:28,333 --> 00:17:30,250
I'm saying, Rico and I cheated.
470
00:17:30,250 --> 00:17:31,625
You should've won that race.
471
00:17:31,625 --> 00:17:35,166
I knew I wasn't an old lady.
472
00:17:35,166 --> 00:17:36,708
To the Garden of Fame!
473
00:17:36,708 --> 00:17:37,875
How are we gonna get there?
474
00:17:38,209 --> 00:17:39,500
You gave your car to the Lord.
475
00:17:39,500 --> 00:17:41,917
I know something faster
than a car.
476
00:17:44,625 --> 00:17:46,166
Why is there
always a crazy
477
00:17:46,166 --> 00:17:47,834
low-pressure front
in this shed?
478
00:17:49,000 --> 00:17:51,834
(truck horn honks,
Napoleon and Kip scream)
479
00:17:54,417 --> 00:17:56,291
Pine veneer?
480
00:17:56,291 --> 00:17:57,500
Cheap.
481
00:17:57,500 --> 00:18:00,583
(sobbing):
It was all we could afford.
482
00:18:00,583 --> 00:18:02,583
Now let's meet
the artist responsible
483
00:18:02,583 --> 00:18:05,625
for all these entertaining
hedges, Pedro Sanchez.
484
00:18:05,625 --> 00:18:06,834
(applause)
485
00:18:07,167 --> 00:18:08,875
I know I'm perpetuating
a stereotype,
486
00:18:09,209 --> 00:18:11,625
but it would be a sin
to deny the world my gift.
487
00:18:11,625 --> 00:18:13,667
All right, Pedrah,
for this sculpture,
488
00:18:13,667 --> 00:18:16,458
I was thinking maybe I'd be
jumping over a mountain
489
00:18:16,458 --> 00:18:17,750
or a 7-Eleven.
490
00:18:17,750 --> 00:18:20,583
I don't tell the clippers
what to do, they tell me.
491
00:18:22,667 --> 00:18:26,291
And while Pedro engages in
his delicate ballet of bushery,
492
00:18:26,291 --> 00:18:27,875
let's all enjoy the destruction
493
00:18:27,875 --> 00:18:31,708
of Preston's beloved
Grandma Dynamite.
494
00:18:34,250 --> 00:18:36,917
(Napoleon and Kip gasping)
495
00:18:37,000 --> 00:18:38,708
(all screaming)
496
00:18:41,625 --> 00:18:42,542
(gasping)
497
00:18:44,458 --> 00:18:46,708
What's up, Jacob?
498
00:18:46,708 --> 00:18:47,917
(babbles)
499
00:18:48,000 --> 00:18:49,667
We're not keeping it.
500
00:18:53,166 --> 00:18:55,083
(bell clanging)
501
00:18:55,083 --> 00:18:56,583
We're not gonna make it!
502
00:18:56,583 --> 00:18:58,250
Hang on, kids.
503
00:19:01,583 --> 00:19:02,625
(gasping)
504
00:19:02,625 --> 00:19:03,834
(screaming)
505
00:19:04,167 --> 00:19:05,542
KIP:
Geez!
506
00:19:05,542 --> 00:19:07,417
(ship horn blows)
507
00:19:07,417 --> 00:19:09,500
(calypso music playing,
people chattering excitedly)
508
00:19:09,500 --> 00:19:11,083
Whoo-hoo!
509
00:19:11,083 --> 00:19:14,041
I didn't realize how
much I needed that.
510
00:19:18,583 --> 00:19:20,041
Don't mulch
my grandma!
511
00:19:20,041 --> 00:19:21,458
CROWD (chanting):
Mulch! Mulch! Mulch!
512
00:19:21,458 --> 00:19:23,000
KIP:
They can't hear you.
513
00:19:23,000 --> 00:19:24,333
Let me try.
514
00:19:24,333 --> 00:19:26,625
(softly):
Stop.
515
00:19:26,625 --> 00:19:27,625
Dang.
516
00:19:27,625 --> 00:19:29,875
There's no way we can stop them.
517
00:19:30,209 --> 00:19:31,208
Yes, there is.
518
00:19:31,208 --> 00:19:32,458
Throw me in!
519
00:19:32,458 --> 00:19:34,041
Am I asleep again?
520
00:19:34,041 --> 00:19:36,250
Yes, and you should
see a doctor about that.
521
00:19:36,250 --> 00:19:38,667
But for now,
wake up and throw me in!
522
00:19:41,291 --> 00:19:43,583
(screaming)
523
00:19:43,583 --> 00:19:47,917
It hurts more than
I could possibly imagine!
524
00:19:48,000 --> 00:19:50,417
(loud bang)
525
00:19:50,417 --> 00:19:52,834
Get your hands off my trunk!
526
00:19:52,834 --> 00:19:54,166
Set her down, boys.
527
00:19:54,166 --> 00:19:55,667
(crowd gasps)
528
00:19:55,667 --> 00:19:58,667
Oh, man, I wouldn't want
to be whoever she's mad at.
529
00:19:58,667 --> 00:20:00,375
Rico.
(gasps)
530
00:20:00,375 --> 00:20:02,875
Now, Carlinda,
I can explain.
531
00:20:02,875 --> 00:20:04,792
Get your head in here.
532
00:20:04,792 --> 00:20:06,750
Yes, ma'am.
533
00:20:07,834 --> 00:20:08,917
(grunting)
534
00:20:09,000 --> 00:20:12,208
I believe you have something
to tell my fans.
535
00:20:12,208 --> 00:20:13,750
After giving it
much thought,
536
00:20:13,750 --> 00:20:16,667
I've decided I can no longer
go on with this charade.
537
00:20:16,667 --> 00:20:18,166
I cheated in the bed race.
538
00:20:18,166 --> 00:20:19,333
(crowd gasps)
539
00:20:19,333 --> 00:20:22,333
Rico, give back your
key to the city.
540
00:20:22,333 --> 00:20:24,333
(grunting)
541
00:20:32,458 --> 00:20:34,667
Okay, before you do
whatever you're gonna do to me,
542
00:20:34,667 --> 00:20:36,250
let's not forget
all the good things
543
00:20:36,250 --> 00:20:37,667
Uncle Rico brought
to this world.
544
00:20:37,667 --> 00:20:38,834
Name one.
545
00:20:38,834 --> 00:20:40,500
Uh, the Rico Shuffle?
546
00:20:40,500 --> 00:20:43,250
(grunting)
547
00:20:43,250 --> 00:20:45,291
It never caught on
like I wanted.
548
00:20:45,291 --> 00:20:47,166
Put him out of
his misery, Grandma.
549
00:20:47,166 --> 00:20:49,583
Take off his
blindfold.
550
00:20:49,583 --> 00:20:51,083
I want him
to see this.
551
00:20:52,917 --> 00:20:53,917
(gasps)
552
00:20:53,917 --> 00:20:55,792
(sighs)
553
00:20:55,792 --> 00:20:56,834
Ta-da.
554
00:20:56,834 --> 00:20:58,000
It's beautiful.
555
00:20:58,000 --> 00:20:58,959
But why?
556
00:20:59,041 --> 00:21:01,500
Because Grandma's
the bigger man, idiot.
557
00:21:01,500 --> 00:21:04,375
Carlinda, if there's
any way I can ever make up
558
00:21:04,375 --> 00:21:06,625
for my despicable,
yet clever behavior...
559
00:21:06,625 --> 00:21:09,959
You can help me
un-donate my car.
560
00:21:09,959 --> 00:21:11,959
Kip, you got my
bolt cutters?
561
00:21:11,959 --> 00:21:13,417
You know it, G.
562
00:21:13,417 --> 00:21:14,834
To the convent!
563
00:21:14,834 --> 00:21:17,250
RICO:
All right, what's the plan?
564
00:21:17,250 --> 00:21:19,166
NAPOLEON:
Okay, I'll distract Jesus
565
00:21:19,166 --> 00:21:20,792
and you guys steal the car.
566
00:21:20,792 --> 00:21:23,250
PEDRO:I'm not comfortable
stealing from Señor Jesus.
567
00:21:23,250 --> 00:21:24,917
RICO:
Sorry, Pedro.
568
00:21:24,917 --> 00:21:26,792
You're up to your
pretty little neck in this.
569
00:21:26,792 --> 00:21:28,583
PEDRO:
Oy.
36027
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