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1
00:00:02,125 --> 00:00:04,375
(horn honking)
(gasps)
2
00:00:04,375 --> 00:00:05,708
(groans)
3
00:00:05,708 --> 00:00:07,333
(growls)
4
00:00:07,333 --> 00:00:09,458
Dang.
5
00:00:09,458 --> 00:00:10,792
(panting)
6
00:00:13,959 --> 00:00:15,250
(grunts)
7
00:00:16,291 --> 00:00:17,458
PEDRO:
Hello, Napoleon.
8
00:00:17,458 --> 00:00:18,792
NAPOLEON:
Hey, Pedro.
9
00:00:19,792 --> 00:00:21,250
(grunting)
10
00:00:21,250 --> 00:00:22,708
(sighing)
11
00:00:29,333 --> 00:00:32,542
(phone ringing)
12
00:00:32,542 --> 00:00:36,333
Hi. This is Napoleon Dynamite
calling from thePreston Bugle.
13
00:00:36,333 --> 00:00:37,875
Would you like to buy
ad space
14
00:00:37,875 --> 00:00:40,208
in our crappy newspaper
that nobody reads?
15
00:00:40,208 --> 00:00:42,291
Why not?!
16
00:00:42,291 --> 00:00:44,750
Napoleon, I don't want to
tell you how to do your job,
17
00:00:44,750 --> 00:00:47,667
but your sales technique
leaves a lot to be desired.
18
00:00:47,667 --> 00:00:50,500
I thought you didn't want to
tell me how to do my job, Deb.
19
00:00:50,500 --> 00:00:51,959
This paper's lame.
20
00:00:52,041 --> 00:00:54,875
I'm only doing this because I
wanted to be called "Scoop."
21
00:00:54,875 --> 00:00:56,417
This is a sad day to be a
school newspaper editor, kids.
22
00:00:56,417 --> 00:00:58,166
You know why?
23
00:00:58,166 --> 00:01:01,458
Because your wife left you
for her calligraphy instructor?
24
00:01:01,458 --> 00:01:04,375
No, Scoop. Although that was
one beautiful Dear John letter.
25
00:01:04,375 --> 00:01:06,333
Is it because newspapers
have words
26
00:01:06,333 --> 00:01:07,834
that we're expected to read?
27
00:01:07,834 --> 00:01:08,917
I'm afraid so, Summer.
28
00:01:09,000 --> 00:01:09,959
I knew it!
29
00:01:10,041 --> 00:01:11,125
But a free press
30
00:01:11,125 --> 00:01:13,875
is the cornerstone
of any democracy.
31
00:01:13,875 --> 00:01:15,625
It's the only way to deliver
breaking news
32
00:01:15,625 --> 00:01:17,375
on a monthly basis.
33
00:01:17,375 --> 00:01:19,250
I appreciate your passion, Deb,
34
00:01:19,250 --> 00:01:21,917
but I'm afraid it's time
to stop the presses for good.
35
00:01:24,583 --> 00:01:26,417
Wait!
Whuh?
36
00:01:26,417 --> 00:01:29,333
Just give me 24 hours
to come up with a great story
37
00:01:29,333 --> 00:01:31,917
that will send sales through
the roof and save the paper.
38
00:01:31,917 --> 00:01:33,583
Just 24 hours!
39
00:01:33,583 --> 00:01:35,417
Yes, I heard you the first time.
40
00:01:35,417 --> 00:01:36,625
Very well, Deb.
41
00:01:39,291 --> 00:01:41,291
Does this mean I have to
keep calling people?
42
00:01:41,291 --> 00:01:42,291
You bet!
43
00:01:42,291 --> 00:01:43,583
(sighs)
44
00:01:45,834 --> 00:01:49,125
This is Napoleon Dynamite
from thePreston Bugle.
45
00:01:49,125 --> 00:01:51,875
Well, I think your name
is stupid!
46
00:01:55,375 --> 00:01:57,250
(grunts)
47
00:01:57,250 --> 00:02:01,250
Grandma, I found a gingersnap
and a gun in the backseat.
48
00:02:01,250 --> 00:02:05,125
Yikes! I gotta find a safer
place to hide my gingersnaps.
49
00:02:05,125 --> 00:02:08,291
Okay, a good reporter
doesn't find great stories.
50
00:02:08,291 --> 00:02:10,917
She finds good stories
and makes them great.
51
00:02:10,917 --> 00:02:13,542
She also thinks
to herself, not out loud.
52
00:02:13,542 --> 00:02:16,208
Hey, Deb, you should do
an exposé on me.
53
00:02:16,208 --> 00:02:17,667
Did you know I
was a Gerber Baby?
54
00:02:17,667 --> 00:02:18,959
That's a lie.
55
00:02:18,959 --> 00:02:21,208
But I have worn the same
pair of pants for five years.
56
00:02:21,208 --> 00:02:22,667
Would your readers
care about that?
57
00:02:22,667 --> 00:02:24,250
You should write
about how Napoleon
58
00:02:24,250 --> 00:02:25,583
is afraid of the vacuum.
59
00:02:25,583 --> 00:02:28,375
Shut up! You don't know
anything about journalism!
60
00:02:28,375 --> 00:02:30,792
Who are you telling
to shut up?
(cocks gun)
61
00:02:30,792 --> 00:02:32,375
Give me that!
Dang it.
62
00:02:32,375 --> 00:02:33,959
You should do an
article about
63
00:02:33,959 --> 00:02:36,125
why the pharmacy
closes so early.
64
00:02:36,125 --> 00:02:39,458
It says 6:00 p.m. on the door,
but they lock up at 5:45!
65
00:02:39,458 --> 00:02:42,166
Those are pretty much the
worst stories I've ever heard.
66
00:02:42,166 --> 00:02:44,959
Look, Deb, if you really want
to save your horse's life...
67
00:02:45,041 --> 00:02:47,417
I'm trying to save
the school paper!
68
00:02:47,417 --> 00:02:50,917
Whatever. You should do a story
about the Mineshaft Monster.
69
00:02:50,917 --> 00:02:53,500
Nobody's ever seen
the Mineshaft Monster.
70
00:02:53,500 --> 00:02:55,834
He's like Bigfoot--
he's not real.
71
00:02:55,834 --> 00:02:58,417
You just lied three times
in that statement.
72
00:02:58,417 --> 00:03:00,083
If he's not real,
how do you explain
73
00:03:00,083 --> 00:03:02,750
all the cattle
mutilations in 1971,
74
00:03:02,750 --> 00:03:04,542
and all the nightmares
I have about him?
75
00:03:04,542 --> 00:03:05,625
You want a story, Deb?
76
00:03:05,625 --> 00:03:08,166
How about
"Man Throws Perfect Spiral"?
77
00:03:09,291 --> 00:03:10,208
Whoa, I did it!
78
00:03:10,208 --> 00:03:11,708
Hello, Dynamite family!
79
00:03:11,708 --> 00:03:13,625
Ouch! Mi cabeza!
80
00:03:13,625 --> 00:03:17,041
(gasps)
That gives me a great
idea, Mr. Rico!
81
00:03:17,041 --> 00:03:18,583
Fantastic!
82
00:03:18,583 --> 00:03:20,166
But no questions
about my war record.
83
00:03:20,166 --> 00:03:22,917
I'm technically still
supposed to be in Kuwait.
84
00:03:25,000 --> 00:03:27,166
So anyway, Pedro,
here's the idea.
85
00:03:27,166 --> 00:03:30,083
An all-access,
no-holds-barred interview
86
00:03:30,083 --> 00:03:31,583
with the Student Body President!
87
00:03:31,583 --> 00:03:33,125
There are so many more
interesting people
88
00:03:33,125 --> 00:03:34,500
at the school than me.
89
00:03:34,500 --> 00:03:35,917
You should interview
that history teacher
90
00:03:36,000 --> 00:03:37,583
who plays the banjo.
91
00:03:37,583 --> 00:03:39,917
Or that girl who went to Israel
and never shuts up about it.
92
00:03:40,000 --> 00:03:41,708
Come on, Pedro. Please?
93
00:03:41,708 --> 00:03:43,500
You don't want
the school paper to die
94
00:03:43,500 --> 00:03:45,500
under your administration,
do you?
95
00:03:45,500 --> 00:03:47,625
Okay, Deb,
I'll let you access me.
96
00:03:49,333 --> 00:03:51,959
And in Israel, they have
this stuff called falafel.
97
00:03:51,959 --> 00:03:54,417
It is so much better
than anything in America!
98
00:03:54,417 --> 00:03:55,792
Ugh!
99
00:03:55,792 --> 00:03:58,000
(rooster crowing)
RADIO ANNOUNCER:
Buenos dias!
100
00:03:58,083 --> 00:04:01,708
Yo soy Felipe con
el Loco Zoológico Mañana!
101
00:04:01,708 --> 00:04:03,250
(ahoooga horn blares on radio)
102
00:04:03,250 --> 00:04:08,333
Y ahora numero uno un éxito
que no es Lady Gaga!
103
00:04:08,333 --> 00:04:09,708
(pop music plays)
104
00:04:09,708 --> 00:04:11,333
Hey.
105
00:04:11,333 --> 00:04:12,667
Good morning,
Mr. President!
106
00:04:12,667 --> 00:04:14,500
Why are you watching me sleep?
107
00:04:14,500 --> 00:04:15,917
I'm shadowing you.
108
00:04:15,917 --> 00:04:17,250
I want our readers
to feel like
109
00:04:17,250 --> 00:04:19,208
they're with you
every minute of the day.
110
00:04:19,208 --> 00:04:20,917
Okay, but the
sounds you hear
111
00:04:20,917 --> 00:04:24,625
for the next five minutes
are off the record.
112
00:04:24,625 --> 00:04:27,834
So what does the president
eat for breakfast?
113
00:04:27,834 --> 00:04:32,375
Tasty-O's. They're a lot like
Cheerios but not as tasty.
114
00:04:32,375 --> 00:04:34,875
So you prefer
showers to baths?
115
00:04:34,875 --> 00:04:37,458
I follow my heart.
116
00:04:37,458 --> 00:04:39,583
So, you're Pedro's friend.
117
00:04:39,583 --> 00:04:41,291
That must be exciting.
118
00:04:41,291 --> 00:04:42,959
What the heck
is wrong with you?
119
00:04:42,959 --> 00:04:44,458
Just pretend
I'm not here.
120
00:04:44,458 --> 00:04:46,333
Have your normal
morning conversation.
121
00:04:46,333 --> 00:04:48,333
Okay. Hey, Pedro?
122
00:04:48,333 --> 00:04:49,583
Yes, Napoleon?
123
00:04:49,583 --> 00:04:52,625
Would you rather wrestle a
bear or karate-fight a moose?
124
00:04:52,625 --> 00:04:54,792
Hmm. I'd probably
wrestle the bear.
125
00:04:54,792 --> 00:04:57,333
I don't know.
The bear has wicked claws,
126
00:04:57,333 --> 00:05:00,041
but the moose has more
woodland allies.
127
00:05:00,041 --> 00:05:01,542
I'd still pick the bear.
128
00:05:01,542 --> 00:05:04,125
Yeah, me, too.
129
00:05:04,125 --> 00:05:05,583
Why aren't you
writing this down?!
130
00:05:05,583 --> 00:05:07,000
This is gold!
131
00:05:09,166 --> 00:05:11,083
(clock ticks loudly)
132
00:05:13,625 --> 00:05:16,208
Carl, Carl's
Clock Repair.
133
00:05:16,208 --> 00:05:17,583
(chuckles)
134
00:05:17,583 --> 00:05:20,250
Here's your problem--
it's set too loud.
135
00:05:20,250 --> 00:05:23,834
That'll really emphasize
the passage of time.
136
00:05:25,500 --> 00:05:26,917
Mr. President, we have a problem
that only you can solve.
137
00:05:27,000 --> 00:05:28,667
What is it?
138
00:05:28,667 --> 00:05:30,667
How do you say "water"
in Spanish?
139
00:05:30,667 --> 00:05:32,417
Agua.
140
00:05:32,417 --> 00:05:34,291
You're amazing.
141
00:05:34,291 --> 00:05:36,250
Pedro, the cheerleading
team needs money,
142
00:05:36,250 --> 00:05:38,375
but I can't think of a
single fund-raising idea.
143
00:05:38,375 --> 00:05:41,291
Wait a second, bake sale,
car wash, kissing booth.
144
00:05:41,291 --> 00:05:43,375
You're right,
there's lots of ways.
145
00:05:43,375 --> 00:05:45,291
Thanks, Pedro.
146
00:05:45,291 --> 00:05:47,917
Sometimes you just have
to let them talk.
147
00:05:48,000 --> 00:05:49,417
How's that
clock doing?
148
00:05:49,417 --> 00:05:51,458
Good.
Great!
149
00:05:53,000 --> 00:05:55,417
Well, that's basically
my day, Deb.
150
00:05:55,417 --> 00:05:58,083
Oh, Pedro, I can't
thank you enough.
151
00:05:58,083 --> 00:05:59,917
This is going to be
such a good article.
152
00:06:00,000 --> 00:06:02,083
I've got so much
great stuff.
153
00:06:02,083 --> 00:06:04,041
Oh... who am I kidding?
154
00:06:04,041 --> 00:06:06,375
I've got nothing.
155
00:06:06,375 --> 00:06:07,834
I'm sorry, Deb.
156
00:06:07,834 --> 00:06:10,750
It's not your fault Preston is
the most boring city in America.
157
00:06:10,750 --> 00:06:13,917
(sighs)
I guess this is the end
of the school paper.
158
00:06:14,000 --> 00:06:17,083
I can't believe the Morse
code club outlasted us.
159
00:06:17,083 --> 00:06:18,625
(beeping)
160
00:06:18,625 --> 00:06:20,917
(laughs)
Too soon!
161
00:06:21,000 --> 00:06:22,792
Pedro, I was up all night
162
00:06:22,792 --> 00:06:24,875
thinking about our
conversation yesterday,
163
00:06:25,209 --> 00:06:26,583
and I've had a
complete change of heart.
164
00:06:26,583 --> 00:06:28,458
I'd rather
karate-fight a moose.
165
00:06:28,458 --> 00:06:29,625
It's your funeral.
166
00:06:29,625 --> 00:06:30,875
(crowd chattering)
167
00:06:31,209 --> 00:06:32,875
Newspaper story!
Read all about it!
168
00:06:32,875 --> 00:06:35,875
Hey, look at all the jerks
buying the school paper.
169
00:06:36,000 --> 00:06:38,208
You really did the right
thing by helping Deb.
170
00:06:38,208 --> 00:06:40,417
But nothing interesting
happened all day.
171
00:06:40,417 --> 00:06:42,208
She must be a
really good reporter.
172
00:06:46,000 --> 00:06:47,125
COACH PRATT:
Most boring city in America?
173
00:06:47,125 --> 00:06:50,417
He's obviously never been
to Whitefish Bay, Wisconsin!
174
00:06:50,417 --> 00:06:51,917
And I suppose my father's
175
00:06:51,917 --> 00:06:54,333
escrow company is boring?!
Right.
176
00:06:54,333 --> 00:06:57,458
Am I offended?
Yeah-hah!
177
00:06:57,458 --> 00:06:58,834
(cries out)
178
00:06:58,834 --> 00:07:01,542
Ugh! Wednesday lunch
is lasagna and fries?
179
00:07:01,542 --> 00:07:03,708
Why do they do that?!
180
00:07:10,542 --> 00:07:12,167
Traidora!
181
00:07:13,417 --> 00:07:15,625
Oh, the headline, yeah.
182
00:07:15,625 --> 00:07:18,417
I thought about going with
"President Gets Clock Fixed,"
183
00:07:18,417 --> 00:07:19,625
but this was juicier.
184
00:07:19,625 --> 00:07:21,875
You were right--
caught my eye.
185
00:07:22,209 --> 00:07:23,500
But now the
whole school hates me.
186
00:07:23,500 --> 00:07:24,750
It's not my fault.
187
00:07:24,750 --> 00:07:26,291
You agreed to
the interview.
188
00:07:26,291 --> 00:07:28,250
Yeah, Pedro.
You did do that.
189
00:07:28,250 --> 00:07:31,166
You said all-access,
no-holds-barred.
190
00:07:31,166 --> 00:07:32,667
You could have held
one of the bars.
191
00:07:32,667 --> 00:07:35,208
Yeah, Deb.
Just one freakin' bar.
192
00:07:35,208 --> 00:07:37,792
Just tell everyone you got it
wrong and I didn't say it.
193
00:07:37,792 --> 00:07:39,208
But you did say it!
194
00:07:39,208 --> 00:07:42,291
The first rule of reporting is
to put the truth above all.
195
00:07:42,291 --> 00:07:44,834
And the first rule of friendship
is to not screw Pedro.
196
00:07:44,834 --> 00:07:46,875
Yeah, Deb, you should never...
197
00:07:47,209 --> 00:07:48,583
You can't agree
with both of us, Napoleon.
198
00:07:48,583 --> 00:07:50,625
Yeah, Napoleon.
Whose side are you on?
199
00:07:52,333 --> 00:07:53,708
Uh...
200
00:07:53,708 --> 00:07:55,875
(fire alarm ringing)
(Napoleon grunts)
201
00:07:59,458 --> 00:08:00,542
(grunts)
202
00:08:00,542 --> 00:08:02,375
Why are you wailing
on that can?
203
00:08:02,375 --> 00:08:03,792
It didn't betray you.
204
00:08:03,792 --> 00:08:06,208
Yeah, I know.
I'm just filled with rage.
205
00:08:06,208 --> 00:08:08,041
You're making too big
a deal of this.
206
00:08:08,041 --> 00:08:09,708
It's just the
stupid school paper.
207
00:08:09,708 --> 00:08:10,875
Nobody else cares.
208
00:08:10,875 --> 00:08:12,041
REX:
There he is!
209
00:08:12,041 --> 00:08:14,125
The kid who hates us!
210
00:08:14,125 --> 00:08:15,834
REPORTER:
Mr. Sanchez,
211
00:08:16,167 --> 00:08:18,041
what do you find
so boring about Preston?
212
00:08:18,041 --> 00:08:19,500
Are you bored
right now?
213
00:08:19,500 --> 00:08:21,417
Do you think this
is a huge overreaction
214
00:08:21,417 --> 00:08:23,208
for something printed
in a high school newspaper?
215
00:08:23,208 --> 00:08:25,500
Well, to be honest...
216
00:08:25,500 --> 00:08:27,041
Oye Presidente Pedro,
217
00:08:27,041 --> 00:08:28,917
usted es un hombre
despreciable!
218
00:08:28,917 --> 00:08:30,125
(ahoooga horn blares)
219
00:08:30,125 --> 00:08:31,917
Not you, too,
Felipe in the morning!
220
00:08:32,000 --> 00:08:33,166
(ahoooga horn blares)
221
00:08:33,166 --> 00:08:34,667
(both panting)
222
00:08:34,667 --> 00:08:40,083
Y ahora para la música nueva
que no esReba McEntire!
223
00:08:40,083 --> 00:08:42,083
(upbeat country music plays)
224
00:08:44,000 --> 00:08:45,917
GRANDMA:
Here's your Helper.
225
00:08:46,000 --> 00:08:47,333
Sorry, we're out of hamburger.
226
00:08:47,333 --> 00:08:49,291
Thank you for
sheltering me
227
00:08:49,291 --> 00:08:51,375
from the angry town,
Señorita Dinamita.
228
00:08:51,375 --> 00:08:53,917
It's nice to have
some diversity in the house.
229
00:08:53,917 --> 00:08:56,667
I don't know why you hate
Preston so much, Pedro.
230
00:08:56,667 --> 00:08:58,542
I can't think of a
more exciting town
231
00:08:58,542 --> 00:09:00,375
from which to access
the Internet.
232
00:09:00,375 --> 00:09:01,625
I don't hate Preston!
233
00:09:01,625 --> 00:09:03,250
I just made an innocent remark
234
00:09:03,250 --> 00:09:06,041
that blew up in my face,
surprising me greatly.
235
00:09:06,041 --> 00:09:08,083
Yeah, that's the advantage
of being an old lady.
236
00:09:08,083 --> 00:09:10,083
I can say any rotten thing
I want
237
00:09:10,083 --> 00:09:11,834
and people just think
I'm a "character."
238
00:09:12,167 --> 00:09:13,375
Watch this.
239
00:09:13,375 --> 00:09:15,875
Hey, mailman!
240
00:09:16,209 --> 00:09:18,375
I get one more
wet catalog
241
00:09:18,375 --> 00:09:20,208
and I'm putting a
bullet in your head!
242
00:09:20,208 --> 00:09:21,875
(laughing):
Oh, Mrs. Dynamite.
243
00:09:22,209 --> 00:09:23,708
You are a character!
244
00:09:23,708 --> 00:09:26,583
Things look bad now, but I'm
sure the good people of Preston
245
00:09:26,583 --> 00:09:28,375
will eventually forgive me.
246
00:09:28,375 --> 00:09:29,542
You got that right, Pedrah.
247
00:09:29,542 --> 00:09:31,250
When I lost that
big football game,
248
00:09:31,250 --> 00:09:34,041
I thought my life was ruined
forever, but look at me now!
249
00:09:34,041 --> 00:09:36,291
(bell dings)
Whoop, my underwear's
done boiling!
250
00:09:39,875 --> 00:09:42,917
On second thought,
I better face the town now
251
00:09:42,917 --> 00:09:45,125
so I can continue washing my
underwear like a human being.
252
00:09:45,125 --> 00:09:46,458
(bell dings)
253
00:09:46,458 --> 00:09:48,250
And there's my poached eggs!
254
00:09:48,250 --> 00:09:50,667
(crowd chattering)
255
00:09:50,667 --> 00:09:53,667
Pedro, you've done a great thing
by appearing here today.
256
00:09:53,667 --> 00:09:55,750
(scattered applause)
(weakly):
Yay.
257
00:09:55,750 --> 00:09:58,750
You've given us a focal point
to direct our various rages
258
00:09:58,750 --> 00:10:00,875
and disappointments,
whatever those may be.
259
00:10:00,875 --> 00:10:02,250
I'm unemployed!
260
00:10:02,250 --> 00:10:03,834
My sports team lost!
261
00:10:03,834 --> 00:10:05,667
My liposuction hurts.
262
00:10:05,667 --> 00:10:07,959
My wives are
plain and dim!
263
00:10:07,959 --> 00:10:09,417
ALL:
We is.
264
00:10:09,417 --> 00:10:11,750
I'm sorry for all
your crazy problems,
265
00:10:11,750 --> 00:10:13,500
but if you'll allow
me to explain...
266
00:10:13,500 --> 00:10:15,750
No! You might change our minds!
267
00:10:15,750 --> 00:10:17,291
Stone him!
268
00:10:17,291 --> 00:10:19,208
(crowd shouting)
269
00:10:19,208 --> 00:10:21,834
Don't worry, little
buddy, I got this.
270
00:10:21,834 --> 00:10:23,625
(crowed cheering)
271
00:10:23,625 --> 00:10:25,500
(Jamiroquai's "Just Dance"
plays)
272
00:10:25,500 --> 00:10:28,875
♪ Nothing left for me to do
but dance ♪
273
00:10:28,875 --> 00:10:30,458
♪ All these bad times
I'm going through... ♪
274
00:10:30,458 --> 00:10:33,250
Whoa, look at him prance
and strut about the stage.
275
00:10:33,250 --> 00:10:36,000
He's losing weight
and having fun.
276
00:10:36,083 --> 00:10:38,166
What were we angry about again?
277
00:10:38,166 --> 00:10:42,208
It's a trap! He's trying to
dance his way into our hearts!
278
00:10:42,208 --> 00:10:43,625
(crowd booing)
279
00:10:43,625 --> 00:10:45,792
(Napoleon and Pedro cry out)
280
00:10:45,792 --> 00:10:48,625
(panting)
Frankly, I'm surprised
it worked the first time.
281
00:10:54,375 --> 00:10:56,959
(snoring)
282
00:10:57,041 --> 00:10:59,708
♪ Grandma's very sleepy ♪
283
00:10:59,708 --> 00:11:02,750
♪ Firearms are safe
with me ♪
284
00:11:02,750 --> 00:11:05,041
♪ My foes
will start respecting me ♪
285
00:11:05,041 --> 00:11:07,083
(gun cocks)
286
00:11:07,083 --> 00:11:09,458
♪ She's not sleepy
as I thought ♪
287
00:11:09,458 --> 00:11:12,583
♪ I'm going to eat some jelly. ♪
288
00:11:12,583 --> 00:11:13,959
That's a catchy little
tune there, Kip.
289
00:11:13,959 --> 00:11:15,291
Let me try.
290
00:11:15,291 --> 00:11:17,625
♪ Rico is the
thief of hearts ♪
291
00:11:17,625 --> 00:11:19,125
♪ Full of sexy body parts. ♪
292
00:11:19,125 --> 00:11:20,542
(gun cocks)
Oh!
293
00:11:23,083 --> 00:11:24,333
Lunch is so much more fun
294
00:11:24,333 --> 00:11:26,166
with just the two of us,
isn't it, Napoleon?
295
00:11:26,166 --> 00:11:27,708
What are you talking about?
296
00:11:27,708 --> 00:11:29,583
Pedro always shares
his tots with me.
297
00:11:29,583 --> 00:11:31,125
(muffled):
I'll share with you.
298
00:11:31,125 --> 00:11:32,291
Forget that, Deb.
299
00:11:32,291 --> 00:11:34,417
All you ever eat
is cottage cheese.
300
00:11:34,417 --> 00:11:36,166
You should've just
written a story about
301
00:11:36,166 --> 00:11:38,625
the Mineshaft Monster,
like I ordered you to.
302
00:11:38,625 --> 00:11:40,750
(bell jingles)
303
00:11:43,083 --> 00:11:45,000
NAPOLEON:
Pedro, come here.
304
00:11:46,333 --> 00:11:47,500
Hello, Napoleon.
305
00:11:47,500 --> 00:11:49,208
Hello, girl who ruined my life.
306
00:11:49,208 --> 00:11:51,000
Hello, guy who
doesn't understand
307
00:11:51,000 --> 00:11:52,667
journalistic integrity.
308
00:11:52,667 --> 00:11:55,375
Well, I guess that's
that. Friends again.
309
00:11:55,375 --> 00:11:57,667
You guys want to go
throw stuff off a roof?
310
00:11:57,667 --> 00:11:59,417
We're not friends,
Napoleon.
311
00:12:00,458 --> 00:12:01,917
Yeah, we're pretty
much enemies.
312
00:12:01,917 --> 00:12:03,750
So I think you have to choose
who you want to hang out with.
313
00:12:03,750 --> 00:12:06,625
What? It took me 16 years
of putting up with idiots
314
00:12:06,625 --> 00:12:08,291
to find two friends
I could stand.
315
00:12:08,291 --> 00:12:09,792
I'm not choosing!
316
00:12:09,792 --> 00:12:11,834
Well, I'm not staying here
with her.
317
00:12:11,834 --> 00:12:13,708
And I'm not staying
here with him.
318
00:12:13,708 --> 00:12:16,083
He's not even
here anymore!
319
00:12:16,083 --> 00:12:18,583
Ugh.
I hate sitting alone.
320
00:12:18,583 --> 00:12:20,291
(giggling)
321
00:12:20,291 --> 00:12:23,500
Hi. I know you don't know me,
but can I sit with you guys?
322
00:12:23,500 --> 00:12:25,125
The more, the merrier.
323
00:12:26,208 --> 00:12:27,959
What's your name?
324
00:12:27,959 --> 00:12:29,708
Geez. Do you always
talk this much?
325
00:12:29,708 --> 00:12:31,834
(man muttering)
Hmph!
326
00:12:33,583 --> 00:12:36,792
Ugh.
I hate sitting alone.
327
00:12:36,792 --> 00:12:38,500
♪ To think that only yesterday ♪
328
00:12:38,500 --> 00:12:39,834
(horns honking,
Napoleon exclaiming)
329
00:12:39,834 --> 00:12:41,583
♪ I was cheerful, bright
and gay ♪
330
00:12:41,583 --> 00:12:44,959
♪ Looking forward to,
but who wouldn't do ♪
331
00:12:45,083 --> 00:12:47,083
♪ The role I was about to play ♪
332
00:12:47,083 --> 00:12:50,291
♪ But as if to knock me down ♪
333
00:12:50,291 --> 00:12:53,208
♪ Reality came around ♪
334
00:12:53,208 --> 00:12:55,208
(crying)
♪ And without so much
as a mere touch ♪
335
00:12:55,208 --> 00:12:58,375
♪ Cut me into little pieces ♪
336
00:12:58,375 --> 00:13:00,625
♪ Leaving me to doubt ♪
337
00:13:00,625 --> 00:13:03,834
♪ Talk about God and His mercy ♪
338
00:13:03,834 --> 00:13:06,875
♪ Oh, if He really does exist ♪
339
00:13:06,875 --> 00:13:08,583
♪ Why did He desert me? ♪
340
00:13:08,583 --> 00:13:10,125
(Napoleon grunting,
duck quacking)
341
00:13:10,125 --> 00:13:12,583
♪ In my hour of need ♪
342
00:13:12,583 --> 00:13:14,792
♪ I truly am indeed ♪
343
00:13:14,792 --> 00:13:17,208
♪ Alone again ♪
Checkmate.
344
00:13:17,208 --> 00:13:19,375
♪ Naturally ♪
345
00:13:19,375 --> 00:13:20,875
(grunts)
346
00:13:21,000 --> 00:13:22,917
♪ Alone again ♪
347
00:13:23,000 --> 00:13:25,500
♪ Naturally. ♪
348
00:13:25,500 --> 00:13:27,834
Okay, net's ready.
349
00:13:27,834 --> 00:13:31,250
We haven't played badminton
as a family in a long time.
350
00:13:31,250 --> 00:13:34,166
Yeah, well, normally I
play with Pedro and Deb,
351
00:13:34,166 --> 00:13:35,917
but I'm kinda stuck
with you guys.
352
00:13:35,917 --> 00:13:38,834
Why don't you just imagine
we're your friends?
353
00:13:44,500 --> 00:13:45,959
That was sick.
354
00:13:45,959 --> 00:13:48,208
Okay, birdie-up!
355
00:13:48,208 --> 00:13:49,834
(grunts)
356
00:13:49,834 --> 00:13:53,375
Ouch. You definitely put
some English on that.
357
00:13:53,375 --> 00:13:55,208
I think I have
a chest concussion.
358
00:13:55,208 --> 00:13:56,792
Why are you
so fragile?
359
00:13:56,792 --> 00:13:58,208
My eardrums!
360
00:13:58,208 --> 00:14:00,166
Napoleon, I know you
miss your friends,
361
00:14:00,166 --> 00:14:01,625
but you gotta
be patient.
362
00:14:01,625 --> 00:14:03,834
Yeah, everyone will forget
how much they hate Pedro
363
00:14:03,834 --> 00:14:06,500
when a new,
more exciting story comes along.
364
00:14:06,500 --> 00:14:09,291
Like a six-headed baby
or a war in outer space.
365
00:14:09,291 --> 00:14:12,125
Yeah, I guess
that would do it.
366
00:14:12,125 --> 00:14:13,875
I think a bee
went up my shorts.
367
00:14:14,209 --> 00:14:15,083
(buzzing)
Oh.
368
00:14:15,083 --> 00:14:16,750
Yup, it did.
369
00:14:16,750 --> 00:14:19,208
(bell rings)
370
00:14:20,250 --> 00:14:21,583
Hmm?
371
00:14:22,875 --> 00:14:24,917
I like girl clothes.
372
00:14:26,333 --> 00:14:27,917
(grunts)
373
00:14:27,917 --> 00:14:29,208
Yes!
374
00:14:30,834 --> 00:14:32,458
Thank you for
coming here today.
375
00:14:32,458 --> 00:14:34,375
I can't believe
you trapped us.
376
00:14:34,375 --> 00:14:36,208
And there weren't even
any girl clothes.
377
00:14:36,208 --> 00:14:38,667
Both of you shut up!
Here's the deal.
378
00:14:38,667 --> 00:14:41,333
I figured out a way for the
three of us to be buds again.
379
00:14:41,333 --> 00:14:43,667
But we're gonna
have to work together.
380
00:14:43,667 --> 00:14:44,917
I hope you went to
the activities board
381
00:14:45,000 --> 00:14:46,375
to reserve this gym.
382
00:14:46,375 --> 00:14:47,875
Yeah, I talked to Lucy.
383
00:14:47,875 --> 00:14:49,583
We're good until next period.
384
00:14:49,583 --> 00:14:50,708
Go on, then.
385
00:14:50,708 --> 00:14:53,250
Look, Pedro wants the
town to stop hating him,
386
00:14:53,250 --> 00:14:55,417
Deb wants to be
a good reporter,
387
00:14:55,417 --> 00:14:57,417
and everybody wants me
to be happy.
388
00:14:57,417 --> 00:14:58,875
How do we accomplish
these goals?
389
00:14:58,875 --> 00:15:00,250
Three simple words:
390
00:15:00,250 --> 00:15:02,375
"Mine Shaft Monster."
391
00:15:03,750 --> 00:15:05,583
You didn't talk
to Lucy, did you?
392
00:15:05,583 --> 00:15:07,291
She was away
from her desk!
393
00:15:07,291 --> 00:15:08,917
Look, we need
a big news story
394
00:15:09,000 --> 00:15:10,875
to knock Pedro
off the front page,
395
00:15:10,875 --> 00:15:13,041
and a photo of the
Mineshaft Monster will do that.
396
00:15:13,041 --> 00:15:14,708
Forget it, Napoleon.
397
00:15:14,708 --> 00:15:18,166
There is no monster, except
the one I'm tied up next to.
398
00:15:18,166 --> 00:15:20,500
And while I do believe
in monsters of all types,
399
00:15:20,500 --> 00:15:21,917
I would never work
with someone who would
400
00:15:22,000 --> 00:15:24,041
sell out a friend
for a snappy headline.
401
00:15:24,041 --> 00:15:27,125
Fine, if you two don't give
a crap about our friendship,
402
00:15:27,125 --> 00:15:30,208
I'll just have to give enough
crap for the three of us!
403
00:15:30,208 --> 00:15:31,500
(Napoleon growling angrily)
404
00:15:31,500 --> 00:15:32,667
(door opens, closes)
405
00:15:34,625 --> 00:15:37,792
DEB:
Why did you want
girl clothes?
406
00:15:37,792 --> 00:15:39,375
Who doesn't?
407
00:15:48,208 --> 00:15:50,583
Oh, man, I remember
this mineshaft.
408
00:15:50,583 --> 00:15:52,750
My friend, Dave, died
here in high school.
409
00:15:52,750 --> 00:15:54,166
I brought the prettiest
girl to that funeral.
410
00:15:54,166 --> 00:15:55,500
Her name was...
411
00:15:55,500 --> 00:15:58,166
Her name was Jordan,
you made out next to the coffin!
412
00:15:58,166 --> 00:16:01,333
You only tell this story,
like, every day.
413
00:16:01,333 --> 00:16:04,417
So when the monster shows,
you put him in a headlock,
414
00:16:04,417 --> 00:16:05,834
and I'll snap the picture.
415
00:16:06,167 --> 00:16:07,375
Then I'll try to save you
416
00:16:07,375 --> 00:16:09,917
before he rips out your
pancreas and drinks its juice.
417
00:16:10,041 --> 00:16:11,583
I don't know, Napoleon.
418
00:16:11,583 --> 00:16:13,083
I don't like having
my picture taken.
419
00:16:13,083 --> 00:16:14,875
(coyote howls, both gasp)
What was that?
420
00:16:14,875 --> 00:16:16,250
It was a freakin' coyote.
421
00:16:16,250 --> 00:16:17,583
It was the ghost of Dave.
422
00:16:17,583 --> 00:16:18,875
I still owe him money.
423
00:16:19,209 --> 00:16:20,917
How can you owe a ghost money?
424
00:16:20,917 --> 00:16:22,250
Because I bet him 20 bucks
425
00:16:22,250 --> 00:16:24,041
he wouldn't jump down that
mineshaft. You coming?
426
00:16:24,041 --> 00:16:26,625
No way! I'm not a big chicken
like you?
427
00:16:29,458 --> 00:16:32,417
Okay, Mineshaft Monster,
you don't scare me.
428
00:16:32,417 --> 00:16:34,417
(owl hoots)
429
00:16:34,417 --> 00:16:36,708
(creaking)
430
00:16:36,708 --> 00:16:38,250
But that owl sort of does.
431
00:16:38,250 --> 00:16:39,917
(thunder crashing)
432
00:16:39,917 --> 00:16:41,417
That makes it worse.
433
00:16:41,417 --> 00:16:43,291
(shrieks)
(grunts)
434
00:16:44,375 --> 00:16:46,583
I don't know
how I feel about that.
435
00:16:49,959 --> 00:16:51,500
This is Napoleon's
video journal.
436
00:16:51,500 --> 00:16:53,834
Let's see, it's day... one.
437
00:16:53,834 --> 00:16:55,333
I already ate all my food.
438
00:16:55,333 --> 00:16:56,708
It was pretty good.
439
00:16:56,708 --> 00:16:59,083
No sign of the
Mineshaft Monster yet.
440
00:16:59,083 --> 00:17:00,834
Um, if you're watching this,
441
00:17:01,167 --> 00:17:02,667
that'd be pretty weird
'cause I'm pretending
442
00:17:02,667 --> 00:17:04,458
this rock is a camera.
443
00:17:04,458 --> 00:17:06,875
I'm super cold,
I'm haunted by my past,
444
00:17:06,875 --> 00:17:09,792
and animals act really weird
at night.
445
00:17:09,792 --> 00:17:11,000
(bicycle bell rings)
446
00:17:11,000 --> 00:17:12,375
Shh...
447
00:17:12,375 --> 00:17:14,291
Eerie.
448
00:17:14,291 --> 00:17:16,333
(water running)
449
00:17:16,333 --> 00:17:19,458
Grandma, when I'm older,
can I have a gun?
450
00:17:19,458 --> 00:17:20,625
Nope.
451
00:17:20,625 --> 00:17:22,125
Can I dream of
having a gun?
452
00:17:22,125 --> 00:17:23,291
Nope.
453
00:17:23,291 --> 00:17:24,458
(vehicle approaching)
454
00:17:27,333 --> 00:17:28,458
(sighs)
455
00:17:28,458 --> 00:17:30,458
What the...?!
456
00:17:30,458 --> 00:17:33,333
You left Napoleon out
in the woods by himself?!
457
00:17:33,333 --> 00:17:35,166
Are you an idiot?!
458
00:17:35,166 --> 00:17:38,083
Sure sometimes, but there was
this ghost you see, and...
459
00:17:38,083 --> 00:17:39,667
That was no ghost!
460
00:17:39,667 --> 00:17:41,792
That was the
Mineshaft Monster!
461
00:17:41,792 --> 00:17:43,583
You believe in that nonsense?
462
00:17:43,583 --> 00:17:44,917
(grunting)
463
00:17:44,917 --> 00:17:46,917
Permission to stay behind
and finish the dishes?
464
00:17:46,917 --> 00:17:50,333
Get inside!
Geez!
465
00:17:50,333 --> 00:17:53,625
NAPOLEON:
Hey, Monster, come here.
466
00:17:53,625 --> 00:17:56,542
Don't worry, nobody's
gonna take a picture of you.
467
00:17:56,542 --> 00:17:58,542
(chuckles)
Sucker.
468
00:17:58,542 --> 00:18:01,583
(roaring)
469
00:18:01,583 --> 00:18:03,583
Oh, dang.
470
00:18:03,583 --> 00:18:07,750
I am Napoleon Dynamite
of the human race.
471
00:18:07,750 --> 00:18:10,333
Prepare to be photographed.
472
00:18:10,333 --> 00:18:12,875
Ah! It's bright!
473
00:18:13,000 --> 00:18:16,583
Deb, why are you wearing
a lame monster costume?
474
00:18:16,583 --> 00:18:18,083
I thought it was scary.
475
00:18:18,083 --> 00:18:19,750
My mom said it was scary.
476
00:18:19,750 --> 00:18:21,667
That's 'cause
she's too supportive!
477
00:18:21,667 --> 00:18:23,166
What are you doing
down here?
478
00:18:23,166 --> 00:18:25,583
I was worried about you
being out here all alone,
479
00:18:25,583 --> 00:18:27,125
so I thought I'd help
you get your picture.
480
00:18:27,125 --> 00:18:30,083
Drink coasters?
Macaroni?
481
00:18:30,083 --> 00:18:32,875
This isn't a monster--
it's freakin' rainy day fun.
482
00:18:33,209 --> 00:18:35,208
(vicious roaring nearby,
Deb screams)
483
00:18:35,208 --> 00:18:36,917
(snarling)
484
00:18:37,000 --> 00:18:39,000
(growling)
485
00:18:42,708 --> 00:18:44,625
(both yelling)
486
00:18:44,625 --> 00:18:47,125
(roaring)
487
00:18:47,125 --> 00:18:49,291
PEDRO:
Are you going to take
my picture or what?
488
00:18:49,291 --> 00:18:50,417
Pedro?
Pedro?
489
00:18:50,417 --> 00:18:51,583
(unzipping)
490
00:18:51,583 --> 00:18:53,291
Now that's how you make
a monster, Deb.
491
00:18:53,291 --> 00:18:56,125
Fangs, appendages,
no sequins.
492
00:18:56,125 --> 00:18:58,792
I was building it for the
Dia de los Muertosparade,
493
00:18:58,792 --> 00:19:00,333
but I decided
to break it out early
494
00:19:00,333 --> 00:19:01,542
so you could get your picture.
495
00:19:01,542 --> 00:19:02,708
See?
496
00:19:02,708 --> 00:19:04,166
You guys thought
you hated each other,
497
00:19:04,166 --> 00:19:05,750
but you came up
with the same plan
498
00:19:05,750 --> 00:19:07,417
so we could all
be friends again.
499
00:19:10,041 --> 00:19:12,250
Pedro just did it way cooler.
500
00:19:12,250 --> 00:19:15,792
Sorry, Deb. I just think
you suck at making monsters.
501
00:19:18,083 --> 00:19:21,000
Sorry I didn't get a
picture of the monster, Pedro.
502
00:19:21,000 --> 00:19:23,208
I guess I'm gonna be
on the front page forever.
503
00:19:23,208 --> 00:19:27,208
Wait, what if we start a big
fire, or a war in outer space?
504
00:19:27,208 --> 00:19:28,917
I don't think
those are good ideas.
505
00:19:28,917 --> 00:19:30,083
At least
I'm pitching.
506
00:19:30,083 --> 00:19:31,250
(vehicle approaching)
507
00:19:33,000 --> 00:19:35,125
Thank goodness
you're okay, Napoleon.
508
00:19:35,125 --> 00:19:36,917
That gol dang monster
could have deboned you
509
00:19:36,917 --> 00:19:38,875
and worn you like
a human poncho.
510
00:19:39,209 --> 00:19:40,500
What's wrong with you people?
511
00:19:40,500 --> 00:19:42,500
There is no monster!
512
00:19:42,500 --> 00:19:44,375
(wailing cry)
(gasps)
513
00:19:46,083 --> 00:19:47,917
(all gasping)
514
00:19:47,917 --> 00:19:50,625
Rico...!
515
00:19:50,625 --> 00:19:51,583
Dave!
516
00:19:51,583 --> 00:19:54,166
Dude, you still owe me 20 bucks
517
00:19:54,166 --> 00:19:56,291
for jumping down that mineshaft.
518
00:19:56,291 --> 00:19:57,708
(screams)
I'll get you the money!
519
00:19:57,708 --> 00:19:59,125
You're just gonna have to wait
520
00:19:59,125 --> 00:20:00,875
till I sell my screenplay.
And write it.
521
00:20:01,209 --> 00:20:02,166
Got any ideas?
522
00:20:02,166 --> 00:20:03,959
Oh, for cryin' out...
523
00:20:03,959 --> 00:20:06,083
Listen, hippie...
(grunts)
524
00:20:06,083 --> 00:20:09,959
(gun cocks)
KIP:
Put the grandma down.
525
00:20:11,667 --> 00:20:13,792
Hey, man,
I don't want any trouble!
526
00:20:14,500 --> 00:20:16,208
(grunts)
527
00:20:16,208 --> 00:20:18,166
Kip, you can't
kill a ghost.
528
00:20:18,166 --> 00:20:19,417
You can't?
529
00:20:19,417 --> 00:20:21,375
Not without
charmed weaponry.
530
00:20:21,375 --> 00:20:23,208
Gosh, read a book!
531
00:20:23,208 --> 00:20:24,667
(roars)
532
00:20:24,667 --> 00:20:26,792
Hey, Dave!
Double or nothing says
533
00:20:26,792 --> 00:20:28,708
you won't jump down
that mineshaft again.
534
00:20:28,708 --> 00:20:31,959
40 bucks?!
You're on, sucker!
535
00:20:32,041 --> 00:20:33,375
(chuckles, grunts)
536
00:20:33,375 --> 00:20:37,375
(yelling)
537
00:20:37,375 --> 00:20:39,875
(thud)
Ow. My ghost back.
538
00:20:39,875 --> 00:20:41,834
Idiot.
539
00:20:43,166 --> 00:20:44,500
GRANDMA:
Look at that!
540
00:20:44,500 --> 00:20:47,834
We're the original Ghostbusters!
541
00:20:47,834 --> 00:20:49,000
Deb, I thought
that story was
542
00:20:49,000 --> 00:20:50,750
supposed to knock me
off the front page.
543
00:20:50,750 --> 00:20:52,500
Well, at least
you're below the fold.
544
00:20:52,500 --> 00:20:56,166
Yeah, took me 15 years
to get there.
545
00:20:56,166 --> 00:20:58,375
Hey, you guys want to go
to the Tots 'n' Nuggs
546
00:20:58,375 --> 00:20:59,792
and share your
food with me?
547
00:21:08,834 --> 00:21:10,834
(bicycle bell rings)
548
00:21:12,375 --> 00:21:13,583
(clicks tongue)
549
00:21:14,583 --> 00:21:16,542
Who are you waving at,
Napoleon?
550
00:21:16,542 --> 00:21:17,917
Just a friend, Deb.
551
00:21:18,000 --> 00:21:19,583
Just a friend.
36743
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