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1
00:00:02,125 --> 00:00:04,375
(horn honking)
(gasps)
2
00:00:04,375 --> 00:00:05,708
(groans)
3
00:00:05,708 --> 00:00:07,375
(growls)
4
00:00:07,375 --> 00:00:09,458
Dang.
5
00:00:09,458 --> 00:00:10,792
(panting)
6
00:00:14,208 --> 00:00:15,250
(grunts)
7
00:00:16,333 --> 00:00:18,667
Hello, Napoleon.
Hey, Pedro.
8
00:00:19,375 --> 00:00:21,250
(grunting)
9
00:00:21,250 --> 00:00:22,708
(sighing)
10
00:00:29,166 --> 00:00:30,917
So, Pedro, the other day,
11
00:00:30,917 --> 00:00:33,250
I found, like,
a scientist's secret diary,
12
00:00:33,250 --> 00:00:36,250
and it said if you burp,
sneeze, fart and yawn
13
00:00:36,250 --> 00:00:38,250
at the same time,
you explode.
14
00:00:38,250 --> 00:00:39,542
Science is amazing.
15
00:00:39,542 --> 00:00:40,917
B.S., Napoleon.
16
00:00:40,917 --> 00:00:42,417
Scientists don't
keep diaries.
17
00:00:42,417 --> 00:00:43,792
They have logs.
18
00:00:43,792 --> 00:00:46,333
Secondly, I know two people
who have snee-furped
19
00:00:46,333 --> 00:00:47,708
and lived to blog about it.
20
00:00:47,708 --> 00:00:49,333
Well, they're liars!
21
00:00:49,333 --> 00:00:51,375
All the air leaving your body
would create a super-vacuum
22
00:00:51,375 --> 00:00:54,333
and turn you into an upside-down
blood fountain. Gosh!
23
00:00:54,333 --> 00:00:56,500
This is the dumbest argument
I have ever heard.
24
00:00:56,500 --> 00:00:58,667
Let's try it
and see who's right!
25
00:00:58,667 --> 00:01:00,458
(grunts)
My pack!
26
00:01:00,458 --> 00:01:02,834
(birds singing)
27
00:01:05,417 --> 00:01:07,208
(sighs)
28
00:01:07,208 --> 00:01:08,667
(low, volcanic gurgling sounds)
29
00:01:08,667 --> 00:01:10,375
The root beer
has reached the cabbage.
30
00:01:10,375 --> 00:01:11,625
I think we're a go.
31
00:01:11,625 --> 00:01:13,458
Initiating pepper cloud.
32
00:01:14,625 --> 00:01:16,458
Any last words, Napoleon?
33
00:01:16,458 --> 00:01:20,625
Pedro, if I die, have a hawk
sprinkle my ashes in Bear Lake.
34
00:01:20,625 --> 00:01:21,667
As you wish.
35
00:01:21,667 --> 00:01:23,375
Snee-furp
in three,
36
00:01:23,375 --> 00:01:24,625
two and one.
37
00:01:24,625 --> 00:01:27,208
(stomach rumbling,
Napoleon groans)
38
00:01:27,208 --> 00:01:28,542
(grunting)
39
00:01:28,542 --> 00:01:29,708
(Napoleon passes wind, grunts)
40
00:01:29,708 --> 00:01:30,917
(wind whistling)
41
00:01:30,917 --> 00:01:32,917
Have you boys seen my cabbage?
42
00:01:34,500 --> 00:01:36,250
Oh, there it is!
43
00:01:36,250 --> 00:01:37,500
(wind whistling)
44
00:01:37,500 --> 00:01:39,708
What are you idiots looking at?
(Napoleon groans)
45
00:01:39,708 --> 00:01:40,959
Get out of the way!
Get out of the way!
46
00:01:40,959 --> 00:01:42,333
(Napoleon grunts)
47
00:01:42,333 --> 00:01:43,583
(Grandma grunting)
48
00:01:43,583 --> 00:01:44,875
Get off of me!
49
00:01:44,875 --> 00:01:46,291
GRANDMA (coughs):
Oh.
50
00:01:46,291 --> 00:01:47,333
Sorry I didn't explode, guys.
51
00:01:47,333 --> 00:01:48,625
I totally forgot to yawn.
52
00:01:48,625 --> 00:01:50,375
Are you okay,
Grandma?
53
00:01:50,375 --> 00:01:52,458
No, I'm not okay!
54
00:01:52,458 --> 00:01:55,333
Your dingbat brother just broke
my transition lenses!
55
00:01:55,333 --> 00:01:56,875
Boy, you really
done it now.
56
00:01:56,875 --> 00:01:59,959
A good pair of photo-grays
will set you back $28,
57
00:01:59,959 --> 00:02:01,667
and that's without
the croakies!
58
00:02:01,667 --> 00:02:04,333
$28?! I'll never have
that kind of money!
59
00:02:04,333 --> 00:02:06,291
Now, Carlinda,
I keep telling you,
60
00:02:06,291 --> 00:02:08,458
these nephews of mine
need to get a job.
61
00:02:08,458 --> 00:02:09,667
Ow!
62
00:02:09,667 --> 00:02:11,625
Don't tell me how
to raise my boys!
63
00:02:11,625 --> 00:02:15,500
Napoleon, you're getting a job
to pay for these.
64
00:02:15,500 --> 00:02:16,750
What about Kip?
65
00:02:16,750 --> 00:02:19,500
Kip's too frail for today's
modern workplace.
66
00:02:19,500 --> 00:02:21,750
Besides, he's gonna be my eyes.
67
00:02:21,750 --> 00:02:23,333
I can't see a thing.
68
00:02:23,333 --> 00:02:24,625
Why can'tIbe your eyes?
69
00:02:24,625 --> 00:02:26,917
Because I'm way better
at describing stuff.
70
00:02:26,917 --> 00:02:29,834
Like how I always say a baby's
hand looks like a starfish.
71
00:02:30,917 --> 00:02:33,667
Whoa! That is dead-on accurate,
Kipper.
72
00:02:36,875 --> 00:02:39,625
Hey, Napoleon, we
just refilled our
bean bag chair.
73
00:02:39,625 --> 00:02:42,542
Do you want to come over
and sit in it with me?
74
00:02:42,542 --> 00:02:43,708
My mom will supervise.
75
00:02:43,708 --> 00:02:44,959
That sounds pretty sweet,
76
00:02:45,041 --> 00:02:47,708
but I'm kind of going through
a family crisis right now.
77
00:02:47,708 --> 00:02:49,792
Oh, my gosh, is there
anything I can do?
78
00:02:49,792 --> 00:02:51,375
Not unless you've got,
like, a billion dollars
79
00:02:51,375 --> 00:02:53,000
for a new pair of these.
80
00:02:53,083 --> 00:02:54,708
WOMAN:
Well, Napoleon, I know how
81
00:02:54,708 --> 00:02:56,000
debt can weigh on a man.
82
00:02:56,083 --> 00:02:58,166
So, I'm gonna recommend
you drop out.
83
00:02:58,166 --> 00:03:00,041
Can't I just get
an after-school job?
84
00:03:00,041 --> 00:03:01,500
Here's my résumé.
85
00:03:01,500 --> 00:03:04,417
You can call my references
to find out how awesome I am.
86
00:03:04,417 --> 00:03:05,917
Okeydokey.
87
00:03:05,917 --> 00:03:07,917
(touch-tone dialing)
88
00:03:08,000 --> 00:03:09,917
(phone ringing)
Hello?
89
00:03:10,041 --> 00:03:12,041
This is Suzanne Critchlow
at P.H.S.
90
00:03:12,041 --> 00:03:15,291
Yeah, I'm checking references
on a Napoleon Dynamite.
91
00:03:15,291 --> 00:03:16,917
Yeah, he's okay,
I guess.
92
00:03:17,000 --> 00:03:18,375
Wow, impressive.
93
00:03:18,375 --> 00:03:19,708
Well, let's see
94
00:03:19,708 --> 00:03:21,959
what we have in the old
Job Opportunities Box.
95
00:03:22,041 --> 00:03:23,917
Peach pitter.
Lame.
96
00:03:24,000 --> 00:03:26,166
Midwife.
Gross.
97
00:03:26,166 --> 00:03:27,708
Prison snitch.
98
00:03:27,708 --> 00:03:29,208
Maybe.
Oh,
99
00:03:29,208 --> 00:03:30,500
well, this one's interesting.
100
00:03:30,500 --> 00:03:31,917
There's an animal
breeding facility
101
00:03:32,000 --> 00:03:33,333
that needs an extra hand.
102
00:03:33,333 --> 00:03:34,542
What kind of animal?
103
00:03:34,542 --> 00:03:37,083
Uh, I don't really know
what this is.
104
00:03:37,083 --> 00:03:39,291
Would you object to working
with something called a...
105
00:03:39,291 --> 00:03:41,083
a liger?
106
00:03:41,083 --> 00:03:42,750
Huh?
107
00:03:42,750 --> 00:03:44,083
Are you freaking
kidding me?!
108
00:03:44,083 --> 00:03:46,583
I only had, like, 14 dreams
about them last night!
109
00:03:46,583 --> 00:03:49,667
It's a lion and tiger mixed,
bred for its skills in magic.
110
00:03:49,667 --> 00:03:51,583
They're the most gorgeous blend
of beasts
111
00:03:51,583 --> 00:03:53,250
that God never intended.
112
00:03:53,250 --> 00:03:54,625
Well, don't get too excited.
113
00:03:54,625 --> 00:03:56,750
It's 40 miles away.
114
00:03:56,750 --> 00:03:59,125
(panting)
115
00:04:00,542 --> 00:04:03,417
Hey, Grandma,
I just got a sweet new job!
116
00:04:03,417 --> 00:04:05,333
Kip, you suck!
117
00:04:05,333 --> 00:04:08,583
Well, that was uncalled for.
118
00:04:08,583 --> 00:04:12,083
Now read slowly, Kipper,
so Grandma can imagine.
119
00:04:13,417 --> 00:04:17,041
"As Lance emerged
from the Jacuzzi
120
00:04:17,041 --> 00:04:21,750
and reached for his chaps,
a Savannah blew away his..."
121
00:04:21,750 --> 00:04:23,708
Blew away his what?!
122
00:04:23,708 --> 00:04:25,083
Spit it out, Kip!
123
00:04:25,083 --> 00:04:27,458
Um... his undies.
124
00:04:27,458 --> 00:04:29,458
Grandma, does the Lord know
you're reading this?
125
00:04:29,458 --> 00:04:31,750
I'm not the one
reading it, Kip.
126
00:04:31,750 --> 00:04:33,166
You are.
127
00:04:33,166 --> 00:04:34,333
Dang it.
128
00:04:34,333 --> 00:04:37,291
(panting)
129
00:04:39,834 --> 00:04:41,667
(grunts)
130
00:04:41,667 --> 00:04:43,500
Well, hello, son.
131
00:04:43,500 --> 00:04:46,333
You must be the awkward boy
from the high school.
132
00:04:46,333 --> 00:04:47,458
I guess.
133
00:04:47,458 --> 00:04:48,625
(laughs):
Howdy, I'm Cody,
134
00:04:48,625 --> 00:04:50,333
and this is my
mating partner, Dody.
135
00:04:50,333 --> 00:04:52,166
Who cares?
Where are the ligers?
136
00:04:52,166 --> 00:04:54,500
(laughing):
Now hold on to
your ham steaks.
137
00:04:54,500 --> 00:04:57,083
Before we let you run
willy-nilly with our hybrids,
138
00:04:57,083 --> 00:04:59,417
we have to show you a
brief orientation film.
139
00:04:59,417 --> 00:05:00,583
Well, hurry up!
140
00:05:00,583 --> 00:05:02,166
(patriotic music plays)
141
00:05:02,166 --> 00:05:04,125
MALE NARRATOR:
America's Fighting Crossbreeds!
142
00:05:04,125 --> 00:05:06,792
Looking for a knockout blow
to end World War II,
143
00:05:06,792 --> 00:05:08,792
President Harry Truman
has a brainstorm.
144
00:05:08,792 --> 00:05:10,792
From an oval-shaped office
in the White House,
145
00:05:10,792 --> 00:05:13,166
Truman unveils his plans
for a new super weapon
146
00:05:13,166 --> 00:05:15,083
to our nation's top scientists.
147
00:05:15,083 --> 00:05:17,125
I call it a Lygor!
148
00:05:17,125 --> 00:05:19,250
Yee-hee! (laughs) Yee-haw!
149
00:05:19,250 --> 00:05:22,125
I wish that guy was
our president right now.
150
00:05:22,125 --> 00:05:25,208
And thus, Shasta,
the first liger, was born.
151
00:05:25,208 --> 00:05:28,083
Just watch as he gives what-for
to these patriotic convicts.
152
00:05:28,083 --> 00:05:30,250
(convicts screaming)
153
00:05:30,250 --> 00:05:32,250
It wasn't long
before the pieces were in place
154
00:05:32,250 --> 00:05:33,625
for a liger invasion.
155
00:05:33,625 --> 00:05:35,125
But ultimately,
Truman lost interest
156
00:05:35,125 --> 00:05:37,583
and decided to go another way.
157
00:05:37,583 --> 00:05:40,208
But should atoms ever come
into short supply,
158
00:05:40,208 --> 00:05:42,542
we can all rest easy, knowing
our friend the liger
159
00:05:42,542 --> 00:05:45,125
stands ready to fight...
for freedom!
160
00:05:45,125 --> 00:05:47,166
(roaring)
161
00:05:47,166 --> 00:05:48,375
(projector clicking)
162
00:05:48,375 --> 00:05:51,125
I'm so freaking proud
right now.
163
00:05:51,125 --> 00:05:53,708
So Napoleon, are you ready
to see some ligers?
164
00:05:53,708 --> 00:05:55,583
I've been ready my whole life.
165
00:05:55,583 --> 00:05:57,583
Then I give you...
166
00:05:57,583 --> 00:05:59,291
Ligertown.
167
00:05:59,291 --> 00:06:01,542
(roaring)
168
00:06:01,542 --> 00:06:04,166
(wooden pecking)
169
00:06:04,166 --> 00:06:05,834
(purring and meowing
like kittens)
170
00:06:05,834 --> 00:06:07,166
(hammock creaking)
171
00:06:07,166 --> 00:06:09,208
(TV game show theme plays)
172
00:06:09,208 --> 00:06:10,834
These are ligers?
173
00:06:10,834 --> 00:06:12,875
(meows and purrs)
174
00:06:12,875 --> 00:06:14,417
I should have picked
prison snitch.
175
00:06:14,417 --> 00:06:16,375
(wooden pecking)
176
00:06:19,458 --> 00:06:21,083
What have you done
to the ligers?
177
00:06:21,083 --> 00:06:23,083
They're so peaceful
and decroded!
178
00:06:23,083 --> 00:06:24,333
Are you kidding?
179
00:06:24,333 --> 00:06:27,041
These ligers have a lifestyle
most animals would dream of.
180
00:06:27,041 --> 00:06:30,125
Come here, Buttercup,
Gingersnap!
181
00:06:30,125 --> 00:06:31,041
Brunch is ready!
182
00:06:31,041 --> 00:06:32,375
What are you
feeding them?
183
00:06:32,375 --> 00:06:34,041
French toast sticks
and tube yogurt.
184
00:06:35,667 --> 00:06:38,417
Aren't you doing anything to
cultivate their magic abilities?
185
00:06:38,417 --> 00:06:41,291
If you're referring
to the magic they've brought
186
00:06:41,291 --> 00:06:42,875
into our childless
marriage...
187
00:06:42,875 --> 00:06:44,291
I wasn't.
188
00:06:44,291 --> 00:06:45,375
Fair enough.
189
00:06:45,375 --> 00:06:48,166
Now, you strike me
as a boy who likes to sing.
190
00:06:48,166 --> 00:06:49,875
I'm pretty much the
best singer I know.
191
00:06:49,875 --> 00:06:52,208
Fantastic, 'cause
this is the time of day
192
00:06:52,208 --> 00:06:53,792
where we sing
the pride to sleep.
193
00:06:53,792 --> 00:06:56,208
♪ Some day
somebody's gonna make you ♪
194
00:06:56,208 --> 00:06:58,583
♪ Wanna turn around
and say good-bye ♪
195
00:06:58,583 --> 00:07:00,166
♪ Until then, baby ♪
196
00:07:00,166 --> 00:07:02,125
♪ Are you gonna let 'em hold you
down and make you cry? ♪
197
00:07:02,125 --> 00:07:03,458
♪ Don't you know? ♪
198
00:07:03,458 --> 00:07:05,625
♪ Don't you know,
things can change? ♪
199
00:07:05,625 --> 00:07:07,458
♪ Things will go your way ♪
200
00:07:07,458 --> 00:07:09,458
♪ If you hold on ♪
(contented purring)
201
00:07:09,458 --> 00:07:11,583
♪ For one more day ♪
202
00:07:11,583 --> 00:07:15,208
ALL:
♪ Hold on for one more day! ♪
203
00:07:15,208 --> 00:07:18,208
I'm still pissed, but that was
a pretty sweet song.
204
00:07:19,875 --> 00:07:22,208
GRANDMA:
Kip, if anything
happens to my Seville
205
00:07:22,208 --> 00:07:23,708
while you're my eyes,
206
00:07:23,708 --> 00:07:26,542
it's coming out of your
next government check.
207
00:07:26,542 --> 00:07:28,750
Come on, get in there!
208
00:07:28,750 --> 00:07:30,750
Grandma, I don't feel good
about this.
209
00:07:30,750 --> 00:07:32,250
Maybe I should drive.
210
00:07:32,250 --> 00:07:34,291
You don't have the leg strength.
211
00:07:34,291 --> 00:07:35,417
Dang it.
212
00:07:35,417 --> 00:07:37,166
(engine starting)
213
00:07:37,166 --> 00:07:38,834
(engine revving,
tires squealing)
214
00:07:38,834 --> 00:07:41,208
(tires peeling,
engine roaring)
215
00:07:41,208 --> 00:07:43,333
Hey, I'm pretty
good at this!
216
00:07:43,333 --> 00:07:44,542
Child.
(screams)
217
00:07:44,542 --> 00:07:45,875
Horse.
(neighing)
218
00:07:45,875 --> 00:07:47,208
Pedro.
Ay-yi-yi.
219
00:07:47,208 --> 00:07:48,250
Sister wives.
220
00:07:48,250 --> 00:07:49,792
Hey!
(screaming)
221
00:07:49,792 --> 00:07:51,583
By the by,
where are we going?
222
00:07:51,583 --> 00:07:53,208
We're going to the
Kuttin' Korral,
223
00:07:53,208 --> 00:07:55,458
so Lopan can
frost my tips.
224
00:07:55,458 --> 00:07:57,250
(engine revving)
225
00:07:57,250 --> 00:07:58,417
Slower.
226
00:07:59,291 --> 00:08:00,333
Slower.
227
00:08:01,250 --> 00:08:02,250
S.O.B.
228
00:08:02,250 --> 00:08:04,208
(yells)
229
00:08:04,208 --> 00:08:07,291
(crash, tires squealing)
230
00:08:11,458 --> 00:08:13,208
(entrance bells tinkling)
231
00:08:13,208 --> 00:08:15,291
Hello, Princess!
How are you?
232
00:08:15,291 --> 00:08:17,333
You are looking so big
and sexy today!
233
00:08:17,333 --> 00:08:20,375
Lopan, you sure know
how to treat a lady.
234
00:08:20,375 --> 00:08:22,583
Oh, stop it!
You are crazy!
235
00:08:22,583 --> 00:08:25,583
You are so
big and crazy!
236
00:08:25,583 --> 00:08:27,667
(leaf blower whirring)
237
00:08:27,667 --> 00:08:29,667
Okay, listen up.
238
00:08:29,667 --> 00:08:31,333
I want everyone here to know,
239
00:08:31,333 --> 00:08:33,625
I'm very disappointed
in you as a species.
240
00:08:33,625 --> 00:08:35,625
(loud moan)
241
00:08:35,625 --> 00:08:38,333
What'syourdeal?
242
00:08:38,333 --> 00:08:39,875
(moaning)
243
00:08:39,875 --> 00:08:41,667
Whoa! You're with child!
244
00:08:41,667 --> 00:08:43,375
(panicked moaning)
Oh. Sick!
245
00:08:43,375 --> 00:08:44,375
Stay in there!
246
00:08:44,375 --> 00:08:46,792
Come on, guys!
Your lady needs you.
247
00:08:46,792 --> 00:08:48,208
(remote clicks,
TV volume increases)
248
00:08:48,208 --> 00:08:49,708
("Sanford and Son" theme
playing)
249
00:08:49,708 --> 00:08:51,500
(purring)
250
00:08:51,500 --> 00:08:53,208
Here.
251
00:08:53,208 --> 00:08:54,375
Shoot it into this.
252
00:08:54,375 --> 00:08:55,708
(plop)
253
00:08:57,375 --> 00:08:59,750
(purrs and mewls)
254
00:08:59,750 --> 00:09:02,208
I'm not fainting about this.
255
00:09:02,208 --> 00:09:03,834
I'm fainting about
something else.
256
00:09:03,834 --> 00:09:04,834
(sighs)
257
00:09:04,834 --> 00:09:06,500
(harp plays arpeggio)
258
00:09:06,500 --> 00:09:10,500
MAJESTIC VOICE:
Napoleon? Napoleon?
259
00:09:10,500 --> 00:09:13,417
Tina, you noble lard, stop.
260
00:09:15,834 --> 00:09:17,708
(gasps)
I know you!
261
00:09:17,708 --> 00:09:19,250
You're... You're...
262
00:09:19,250 --> 00:09:22,708
I am Shasta, the first
and greatest of all ligers.
263
00:09:22,708 --> 00:09:24,291
My liege.
264
00:09:24,291 --> 00:09:25,458
I've always dreamed
of meeting you.
265
00:09:25,458 --> 00:09:26,625
Can you read my thoughts?
266
00:09:26,625 --> 00:09:28,500
Hold on. Let me think
of a number.
267
00:09:28,500 --> 00:09:30,250
Three.
(gasps)
Sweet!
268
00:09:30,250 --> 00:09:32,375
But that's not why
I summoned you to...
269
00:09:32,375 --> 00:09:34,333
Napoleon, please stop thinking
of numbers.
270
00:09:34,333 --> 00:09:35,417
Sorry.
271
00:09:35,417 --> 00:09:37,291
Mankind has reduced my breed
272
00:09:37,291 --> 00:09:40,333
to a life of gluttonous leisure
and be-tube-ed yogurt.
273
00:09:40,333 --> 00:09:42,291
So you want me
to kill Cody and Dody?
274
00:09:42,291 --> 00:09:44,750
Why would you...?
No, Napoleon.
275
00:09:44,750 --> 00:09:47,834
The cub you birthed represents
our last hope.
276
00:09:47,834 --> 00:09:49,542
He is the chosen one,
277
00:09:49,542 --> 00:09:52,792
and he lies swaddled
in that 12-piece bucket.
278
00:09:52,792 --> 00:09:55,250
(whirring, ding)
279
00:09:55,250 --> 00:09:56,417
(mewing)
280
00:09:56,417 --> 00:09:59,333
To you, I entrust
the ultimate task:
281
00:09:59,333 --> 00:10:02,333
restoring the liger
to its once noble standing.
282
00:10:02,333 --> 00:10:04,667
You must become its father.
283
00:10:04,667 --> 00:10:05,583
Okay.
284
00:10:05,583 --> 00:10:06,750
Good-bye, Napoleon.
285
00:10:06,750 --> 00:10:08,667
Wait!
I have an important question.
286
00:10:08,667 --> 00:10:09,917
Yes, Napoleon?
287
00:10:10,000 --> 00:10:11,917
If you sneeze, fart, burp
288
00:10:12,000 --> 00:10:13,542
and yawn at the same time...
289
00:10:13,542 --> 00:10:16,583
Good-bye,Napoleon.
290
00:10:16,583 --> 00:10:18,083
I knew they could fly!
291
00:10:18,083 --> 00:10:20,083
I'm right about everything.
292
00:10:20,083 --> 00:10:21,917
(harp plays arpeggio)
293
00:10:21,917 --> 00:10:23,917
My word is my bond, Shasta.
294
00:10:24,000 --> 00:10:25,959
You can count on me.
295
00:10:26,041 --> 00:10:27,917
(purring)
296
00:10:27,917 --> 00:10:30,333
Don't worry. I'll take
good care of him.
297
00:10:30,333 --> 00:10:33,083
And you'd better take dang
good care of my moon boot.
298
00:10:37,792 --> 00:10:40,792
Okay, little fella,
the first thing we're gonna do
299
00:10:40,792 --> 00:10:42,542
is learn how
to hunt fresh steaks.
300
00:10:42,542 --> 00:10:44,291
(whirring)
301
00:10:44,291 --> 00:10:45,917
Come on, go chase it!
302
00:10:46,041 --> 00:10:47,208
Increase your blood lust.
303
00:10:47,208 --> 00:10:49,959
Hey, Napoleon, the bead store
is having a sale on beads.
304
00:10:50,041 --> 00:10:51,208
Want to come with me?
305
00:10:51,208 --> 00:10:52,458
My mom will supervise.
306
00:10:52,458 --> 00:10:54,333
Can't you see I'm
training my liger?
307
00:10:54,333 --> 00:10:56,250
Ohh, it's so cute.
308
00:10:56,250 --> 00:10:57,750
Careful,
he'll rip your heart out!
309
00:10:57,750 --> 00:10:59,125
(slurping)
310
00:10:59,125 --> 00:11:00,917
You meanmeltmy heart out.
311
00:11:01,000 --> 00:11:01,917
I know what I meant.
312
00:11:02,000 --> 00:11:03,667
Where's its mother?
313
00:11:03,667 --> 00:11:05,125
Uh, it's an orphan.
314
00:11:05,125 --> 00:11:07,041
I found it lying
in a mini-snow cave.
315
00:11:07,041 --> 00:11:09,125
Well, you shouldn't
be feeding it raw meat.
316
00:11:09,125 --> 00:11:10,417
It needs mother's milk.
317
00:11:10,417 --> 00:11:11,375
I'm on it.
318
00:11:11,375 --> 00:11:13,708
Are you kidding me, Napoleon?
319
00:11:13,708 --> 00:11:16,417
These paps have
been dry since '65.
320
00:11:16,417 --> 00:11:19,125
What about your grandma?
321
00:11:19,125 --> 00:11:20,959
No, it needs animal milk.
322
00:11:21,041 --> 00:11:22,542
(bleats)
323
00:11:22,542 --> 00:11:24,250
Tina's a girl, right?
324
00:11:24,250 --> 00:11:25,959
How the heck should I know?
325
00:11:25,959 --> 00:11:27,458
(startled grunt)
326
00:11:27,458 --> 00:11:29,083
(slurping)
327
00:11:29,083 --> 00:11:30,208
Napoleon,
328
00:11:30,208 --> 00:11:31,375
it's working!
329
00:11:31,375 --> 00:11:32,583
(pop)
330
00:11:32,583 --> 00:11:36,125
(ferocious meowing)
331
00:11:37,125 --> 00:11:38,500
(metallic scratching)
332
00:11:38,500 --> 00:11:39,375
Sweet.
333
00:11:39,375 --> 00:11:42,125
Hey, who's clawing the van?
334
00:11:42,125 --> 00:11:44,375
I'm trying to record a message
for my answering machine.
335
00:11:44,375 --> 00:11:45,500
(click, beeping)
336
00:11:45,500 --> 00:11:47,625
You've reached Rico Industries.
337
00:11:47,625 --> 00:11:50,250
For romantic bodyguard services,
press one.
338
00:11:50,250 --> 00:11:53,959
For life coaching or human
scarecrow work, press two.
339
00:11:54,041 --> 00:11:55,125
(meows excitedly)
340
00:11:55,125 --> 00:11:56,250
Dang.
341
00:11:56,250 --> 00:11:58,208
You're becoming noble as crap.
342
00:11:58,208 --> 00:12:00,041
Father's proud of you.
343
00:12:00,041 --> 00:12:02,125
And mommy is, too.
344
00:12:02,125 --> 00:12:03,708
Uh...
345
00:12:03,708 --> 00:12:05,041
(tiny roar)
346
00:12:05,041 --> 00:12:08,041
(roar echoing)
347
00:12:10,250 --> 00:12:12,125
(distant roar echoing faintly)
348
00:12:12,125 --> 00:12:13,083
Huh?
349
00:12:13,083 --> 00:12:14,583
(roaring)
350
00:12:27,166 --> 00:12:28,291
(huge roar)
351
00:12:34,291 --> 00:12:36,500
(roaring continues)
352
00:12:45,125 --> 00:12:47,291
Look, Napoleon, he's laughing.
353
00:12:47,291 --> 00:12:49,333
(meowing and purring happily)
354
00:12:49,333 --> 00:12:50,875
Stop treating him like a baby.
355
00:12:50,875 --> 00:12:53,542
You've got to push him higher
so he can catch some air.
356
00:12:55,875 --> 00:12:57,667
(thud)
357
00:12:57,667 --> 00:12:59,166
Uh-oh.
358
00:13:01,625 --> 00:13:03,166
(purring)
Are you okay?
359
00:13:03,166 --> 00:13:05,291
(meows)
He's all right.
360
00:13:05,291 --> 00:13:06,750
He can handle way
more G's than that.
361
00:13:06,750 --> 00:13:08,041
Napoleon,
362
00:13:08,041 --> 00:13:09,417
I know you mean well,
363
00:13:09,417 --> 00:13:11,500
but why are you
so tough on him?
364
00:13:11,500 --> 00:13:14,166
Because if he doesn't have
a strong father figure,
365
00:13:14,166 --> 00:13:16,750
he's gonna turn out
to be strange and lonely.
366
00:13:16,750 --> 00:13:18,166
Trust me, I know.
367
00:13:18,166 --> 00:13:22,250
Oh, Napoleon, I don't think
you're either of those things.
368
00:13:22,250 --> 00:13:23,667
I was talking about Kip!
369
00:13:23,667 --> 00:13:24,792
Gosh!
370
00:13:24,792 --> 00:13:26,333
Come on, let's get
out of here.
371
00:13:26,333 --> 00:13:29,667
I haven't taken a dump
in like five days.
372
00:13:29,667 --> 00:13:31,250
OFFICER ELWOOD:
Dispatch...
373
00:13:31,250 --> 00:13:32,542
I'm currently under attack
374
00:13:32,542 --> 00:13:34,375
by some kind
of wild feline species.
375
00:13:34,375 --> 00:13:35,542
(roars)
376
00:13:35,542 --> 00:13:36,834
Can I get a description?
377
00:13:36,834 --> 00:13:39,375
Well, it's a proud,
magnificent beast.
378
00:13:39,375 --> 00:13:42,417
A creature that moves
with liquid grace.
379
00:13:42,417 --> 00:13:45,166
Okay, I'll get this right over
to the mayor's office.
380
00:13:47,166 --> 00:13:49,625
I knew this day would come.
Good-bye, Tracy.
381
00:13:55,792 --> 00:13:58,250
Next stop, Orlando!
382
00:13:58,250 --> 00:14:00,667
Whee...
383
00:14:00,667 --> 00:14:01,834
(thud)
384
00:14:05,166 --> 00:14:07,166
Next stop, Orlando!
385
00:14:09,542 --> 00:14:12,375
(ligers roaring,
townspeople screaming)
386
00:14:13,417 --> 00:14:14,708
(man screaming)
387
00:14:14,708 --> 00:14:17,208
Not my size.
388
00:14:17,208 --> 00:14:20,125
Not my style.
389
00:14:20,125 --> 00:14:21,333
Bingo!
(roars)
390
00:14:21,333 --> 00:14:22,375
(gasps)
391
00:14:22,375 --> 00:14:23,792
(yells)
392
00:14:23,792 --> 00:14:25,125
(crunching)
393
00:14:25,125 --> 00:14:27,500
Too quick for you, furball.
394
00:14:27,500 --> 00:14:29,875
(thumping, yelling)
395
00:14:29,875 --> 00:14:31,458
(grunt, thud inside dojo)
396
00:14:31,458 --> 00:14:34,250
And that's how you punch
somebody in the brain.
397
00:14:34,250 --> 00:14:37,917
Let's have a big hand
for Sensei Trevor!
398
00:14:37,917 --> 00:14:39,625
(sneezes)
399
00:14:39,625 --> 00:14:40,792
My allergies.
400
00:14:40,792 --> 00:14:42,333
Did somebody bring
a cat in here?
401
00:14:42,333 --> 00:14:43,417
(roars)
402
00:14:43,417 --> 00:14:45,291
Starla, help!
403
00:14:45,291 --> 00:14:46,417
(grunting)
404
00:14:46,417 --> 00:14:47,917
Hey, Eyeballs,
405
00:14:47,917 --> 00:14:50,250
how do Grandma's pumpkins
look in this one?
406
00:14:50,250 --> 00:14:51,417
Oh, man.
407
00:14:51,417 --> 00:14:52,959
They're huge and ferocious.
408
00:14:52,959 --> 00:14:55,125
That's what your
grandpa used to say.
409
00:14:55,125 --> 00:14:56,333
I'm serious, Grandma,
410
00:14:56,333 --> 00:14:57,917
there's a couple of
mutant pumas outside
411
00:14:58,000 --> 00:14:59,291
trying to crush your car.
412
00:14:59,291 --> 00:15:00,250
(roars)
413
00:15:00,250 --> 00:15:01,917
My car?!
414
00:15:02,000 --> 00:15:02,917
(gunshots)
415
00:15:03,000 --> 00:15:04,625
(air hissing)
416
00:15:04,625 --> 00:15:07,209
Jeeeeeeeeeez!
417
00:15:10,209 --> 00:15:11,917
(everyone talking at once)
418
00:15:11,917 --> 00:15:15,083
People, these ligers present us
with a crisis the likes of which
419
00:15:15,083 --> 00:15:18,291
we haven't seen since
the British Invasion of '64.
420
00:15:18,291 --> 00:15:20,583
I think we all need
to urinate in the same mug
421
00:15:20,583 --> 00:15:22,417
and sprinkle it on our crops.
422
00:15:22,417 --> 00:15:24,375
That's your answer
to everything, Lyle!
423
00:15:24,375 --> 00:15:26,875
I'm gonna organize me a
safari and make some money.
424
00:15:27,209 --> 00:15:30,083
I hear liger blood is an
aphrodisiac in Mogadishu.
425
00:15:30,083 --> 00:15:31,125
Everybody, shut up!
426
00:15:31,125 --> 00:15:32,875
With the mayor
and police chief gone,
427
00:15:32,875 --> 00:15:34,625
I reluctantly volunteer
my services
428
00:15:34,625 --> 00:15:36,583
to lead you weaklings
to victory!
429
00:15:36,583 --> 00:15:38,417
I second and
approve that, baby.
430
00:15:38,417 --> 00:15:40,083
Well, according
to the city charter,
431
00:15:40,083 --> 00:15:42,708
the chain of command falls
to the student body president.
432
00:15:43,375 --> 00:15:45,959
I accept.
433
00:15:46,041 --> 00:15:46,959
This is bull crap!
434
00:15:47,041 --> 00:15:48,708
I challenge your authority.
435
00:15:48,708 --> 00:15:50,500
Security, have him removed.
436
00:15:50,500 --> 00:15:51,959
You got it, jefe.
437
00:15:52,041 --> 00:15:54,083
I'm a heartbeat away, Pedro!
438
00:15:54,083 --> 00:15:54,959
Heartbeat away!
439
00:15:55,041 --> 00:15:56,250
(grunting)
440
00:15:56,250 --> 00:15:58,917
Okay, I think this liger
invasion can be solved
441
00:15:59,000 --> 00:15:59,959
without any bloodshed.
442
00:16:00,000 --> 00:16:02,250
In my village,
when a monster came to town,
443
00:16:02,250 --> 00:16:04,500
such as a chupacabra, or Satan,
444
00:16:04,500 --> 00:16:06,166
they were just searching
for something.
445
00:16:06,166 --> 00:16:08,041
Money?
A state championship?
446
00:16:08,041 --> 00:16:10,417
A crazy Brazilian blowout?
447
00:16:10,417 --> 00:16:11,500
Maybe.
448
00:16:11,500 --> 00:16:12,917
Or maybe it's something
less stupid.
449
00:16:13,000 --> 00:16:14,041
Hmm...
450
00:16:16,083 --> 00:16:18,458
(crunching, moaning)
Do you think everyone
in the restaurant
451
00:16:18,458 --> 00:16:20,125
thought we were married?
452
00:16:20,125 --> 00:16:22,583
If they did, it was the
worst freaking honeymoon
453
00:16:22,583 --> 00:16:23,708
I've ever been on.
454
00:16:23,708 --> 00:16:24,917
(ligers roaring)
455
00:16:25,000 --> 00:16:26,625
(people screaming)
456
00:16:26,625 --> 00:16:28,542
What's going on?
(tiny roar)
457
00:16:28,542 --> 00:16:30,041
(roaring stops)
458
00:16:30,041 --> 00:16:32,125
Oh, crud.
459
00:16:32,125 --> 00:16:33,250
(meowing)
460
00:16:33,250 --> 00:16:35,041
Run!
461
00:16:35,041 --> 00:16:36,083
(roaring resumes)
462
00:16:38,041 --> 00:16:41,083
You didn't find that cub in
a mini-snow cave, did you?
463
00:16:41,083 --> 00:16:42,417
Uhhh...
464
00:16:44,125 --> 00:16:46,250
(tires squeal)
Get in!
465
00:16:50,041 --> 00:16:51,166
Faster...
466
00:16:51,166 --> 00:16:52,291
faster...
467
00:16:52,291 --> 00:16:53,625
faster...
468
00:16:53,625 --> 00:16:55,458
(roaring)
S.O.B.
469
00:17:00,375 --> 00:17:04,125
(hip-hop playing)
470
00:17:04,125 --> 00:17:06,209
(safari music playing)
471
00:17:10,458 --> 00:17:12,041
Aim for the bladder.
472
00:17:12,041 --> 00:17:13,375
That's nature's gas tank.
473
00:17:13,375 --> 00:17:14,417
(cocking rifles)
474
00:17:15,083 --> 00:17:15,750
(tires squeal)
475
00:17:15,750 --> 00:17:17,041
(yelling)
476
00:17:17,041 --> 00:17:19,333
(tires screech)
477
00:17:19,333 --> 00:17:20,667
(yelling)
478
00:17:22,583 --> 00:17:24,375
(growling, roaring)
479
00:17:38,667 --> 00:17:40,667
(protestors shouting)
480
00:17:44,291 --> 00:17:46,208
Hello, Napoleon.
481
00:17:46,208 --> 00:17:47,458
It's Pedro.
482
00:17:47,458 --> 00:17:50,458
As your best friend and mayor, I
urge you to give back the baby.
483
00:17:50,458 --> 00:17:51,750
A baby?
484
00:17:51,750 --> 00:17:53,125
What's he talking about?
485
00:17:53,125 --> 00:17:54,333
I don't know.
486
00:17:54,333 --> 00:17:56,458
Napoleon took this liger
cub from his mother,
487
00:17:56,458 --> 00:17:58,250
and we've been raising
him as our own.
488
00:17:58,250 --> 00:18:00,125
He's adorable.
489
00:18:00,125 --> 00:18:02,125
Let's see
what I can get for him.
490
00:18:02,125 --> 00:18:04,250
All right, listen up!
491
00:18:04,250 --> 00:18:05,750
You can have your cub,
492
00:18:05,750 --> 00:18:09,625
but first I want a ten-pound bag
of butterscotch candy.
493
00:18:09,625 --> 00:18:11,750
And I'd like
to have my gutters cleaned,
494
00:18:11,750 --> 00:18:13,041
if you know what I mean.
495
00:18:13,041 --> 00:18:14,083
(disgusted groaning)
496
00:18:14,083 --> 00:18:15,625
I can't give him back.
497
00:18:15,625 --> 00:18:19,166
He hasn't even learned how
to cast spells or bend time.
498
00:18:19,166 --> 00:18:21,417
Napoleon, I know how
much you love ligers,
499
00:18:21,417 --> 00:18:23,208
but they're just wild animals.
500
00:18:23,208 --> 00:18:24,834
They're not magic.
501
00:18:24,834 --> 00:18:26,625
I always knew this
about you, Deb.
502
00:18:26,625 --> 00:18:28,083
I could never be with a woman
503
00:18:28,083 --> 00:18:30,333
that didn't believe
in the mystical realm.
504
00:18:30,333 --> 00:18:32,125
I'm sorry you feel that way,
505
00:18:32,125 --> 00:18:35,166
but if you're not gonna
give him back, I will.
506
00:18:35,166 --> 00:18:36,667
Where is he?
507
00:18:38,834 --> 00:18:39,667
(meows)
508
00:18:41,291 --> 00:18:44,166
Easy, Easy.
509
00:18:44,166 --> 00:18:46,583
Look, I'm just gonna be
straight up with you guys.
510
00:18:46,583 --> 00:18:48,333
I had your baby
like ten seconds ago,
511
00:18:48,333 --> 00:18:50,208
but I don't know
where he is right now.
512
00:18:50,208 --> 00:18:52,208
(angry growls)
513
00:18:52,208 --> 00:18:54,166
Now before you guys
tear me to shreds,
514
00:18:54,166 --> 00:18:56,667
I want you to know that I really
tried to raise your cub
515
00:18:56,667 --> 00:18:58,375
to be a king among ligers.
516
00:18:58,375 --> 00:19:00,208
(slurping, crunching)
517
00:19:00,208 --> 00:19:01,291
(angry grunt)
518
00:19:01,291 --> 00:19:02,750
Given the proper time
and resources,
519
00:19:02,750 --> 00:19:04,667
I had even hoped
to teach him how to...
520
00:19:04,667 --> 00:19:06,458
(meowing)
521
00:19:06,458 --> 00:19:08,333
(triumphant music swells)
522
00:19:08,333 --> 00:19:09,542
Whoa.
523
00:19:12,542 --> 00:19:14,500
You really are the chosen one.
524
00:19:14,500 --> 00:19:16,083
Lucky.
525
00:19:17,333 --> 00:19:19,166
(purring)
526
00:19:19,166 --> 00:19:20,583
CROWD:
Aww.
527
00:19:20,583 --> 00:19:24,208
Today, the tears on my
face are not just tattoos.
528
00:19:24,208 --> 00:19:26,166
I guess you were
right, Napoleon.
529
00:19:26,166 --> 00:19:27,458
They are magical.
530
00:19:29,125 --> 00:19:31,208
(purring)
Swear you'll never forget me,
531
00:19:31,208 --> 00:19:33,125
and if I ever have
children of my own,
532
00:19:33,125 --> 00:19:35,291
I promise I won't like
them as much as you.
533
00:19:35,291 --> 00:19:37,208
Everybody say "cheese."
534
00:19:37,208 --> 00:19:38,291
Cheese.
535
00:19:38,291 --> 00:19:39,208
(shutter clicks)
536
00:19:39,208 --> 00:19:41,750
By the power
inexplicably vested in me,
537
00:19:41,750 --> 00:19:44,834
I declare that whole area
over there a liger preserve.
538
00:19:44,834 --> 00:19:46,208
CROWD:
Yay!
539
00:19:46,208 --> 00:19:48,250
Hey, that's where I live.
540
00:19:48,250 --> 00:19:49,875
We can fight them
in court, baby!
541
00:19:51,333 --> 00:19:53,208
SHASTA:
Napoleon.
542
00:19:53,208 --> 00:19:55,500
Napoleon.
543
00:19:55,500 --> 00:19:56,750
Shasta.
544
00:19:56,750 --> 00:19:58,500
Well done, Napoleon.
545
00:19:58,500 --> 00:20:00,875
You have truly restored
my pride.
546
00:20:00,875 --> 00:20:03,291
Double meaning, sweet.
547
00:20:03,291 --> 00:20:05,917
I offer this knowledge
as your reward:
548
00:20:05,917 --> 00:20:07,959
Snee-furps are impossible.
549
00:20:07,959 --> 00:20:10,291
At least in your dimension.
550
00:20:10,291 --> 00:20:11,333
Bummer.
551
00:20:11,333 --> 00:20:12,583
Will I ever see you again?
552
00:20:12,583 --> 00:20:14,291
Something tells me...
553
00:20:14,291 --> 00:20:14,917
(gasps)
554
00:20:14,917 --> 00:20:16,625
...no.
555
00:20:16,625 --> 00:20:18,417
Aww.
556
00:20:20,291 --> 00:20:22,959
I know you said you'd never
like your future children
557
00:20:22,959 --> 00:20:24,542
as much as you liked our liger,
558
00:20:24,542 --> 00:20:27,333
but I really think you'll
make a good dad someday.
559
00:20:27,333 --> 00:20:28,458
Say it, don't spray it, Deb.
560
00:20:28,458 --> 00:20:29,583
Sorry.
561
00:20:29,583 --> 00:20:30,667
That's okay.
562
00:20:30,667 --> 00:20:31,917
And just so you know,
563
00:20:32,000 --> 00:20:34,542
if I ever have kids and get
killed in a car accident,
564
00:20:34,542 --> 00:20:36,333
I totally want
you to raise them.
565
00:20:37,000 --> 00:20:38,417
And get my car fixed,
566
00:20:38,417 --> 00:20:40,375
'cause it'll probably
be a pretty sweet car.
567
00:20:40,375 --> 00:20:41,500
Hello, Napoleon.
568
00:20:41,500 --> 00:20:42,542
Hello, Deb.
569
00:20:42,542 --> 00:20:43,875
What's up, Pedro?
570
00:20:43,875 --> 00:20:46,500
Well, I'm still technically
the mayor till 5:00,
571
00:20:46,500 --> 00:20:48,667
so if there's anything
illegal you want to do,
572
00:20:48,667 --> 00:20:50,542
I can pardon you.
Really?
573
00:20:50,542 --> 00:20:51,542
Sweet!
574
00:20:51,542 --> 00:20:53,875
Oh, yeah!
575
00:20:53,875 --> 00:20:55,875
(grunts)
576
00:20:55,875 --> 00:20:59,750
This is the best
freaking day of my life!
577
00:21:04,542 --> 00:21:06,417
You've reached Rico Industries.
578
00:21:06,417 --> 00:21:09,291
Please listen carefully as
the menu options have changed.
579
00:21:09,291 --> 00:21:11,375
If you're calling
about quarterback opportunities,
580
00:21:11,375 --> 00:21:12,583
press one.
581
00:21:12,583 --> 00:21:14,667
For tours of Indian graveyards,
press two.
582
00:21:14,667 --> 00:21:16,917
If you're calling to obtain
the rights to my life story,
583
00:21:16,917 --> 00:21:18,333
press three.
584
00:21:18,333 --> 00:21:21,542
If you are interested in joining
my pyramid scam, press four.
585
00:21:21,542 --> 00:21:23,917
For closet organization tips,
press five.
586
00:21:23,917 --> 00:21:26,667
If you believe you are my son,
press six.
587
00:21:26,667 --> 00:21:29,375
If this is about my line
of antidepressant muffins,
588
00:21:29,375 --> 00:21:32,333
I'm still waiting on
FDA approval, so hang in there.
36889
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