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1
00:00:01,917 --> 00:00:04,250
(honking horn)
(gasps)
2
00:00:05,333 --> 00:00:07,208
Hey!
(llama growls)
3
00:00:07,208 --> 00:00:09,375
Dang!
(panting)
4
00:00:13,959 --> 00:00:15,208
(grunts)
5
00:00:16,708 --> 00:00:18,667
Hello, Napoleon.
Hey, Pedro.
6
00:00:19,125 --> 00:00:22,667
(grunts, sighs)
7
00:00:27,125 --> 00:00:29,583
♪ ♪
8
00:00:29,583 --> 00:00:32,959
(buzzing)
(Napoleon grunting in pain)
9
00:00:34,083 --> 00:00:35,834
(buzzing)
(grunts in pain)
10
00:00:35,834 --> 00:00:37,417
Excellent work, Don.
11
00:00:37,417 --> 00:00:38,959
Yeah!
12
00:00:39,041 --> 00:00:41,834
Napoleon, what
do you see here?
13
00:00:41,834 --> 00:00:44,375
Easy. It's a samurai
warrior relaxing
14
00:00:44,375 --> 00:00:47,208
after a long day of
defending his prefecture.
15
00:00:47,208 --> 00:00:50,208
Wrong! It's young newlyweds
enjoying a refreshing lemonade
16
00:00:50,208 --> 00:00:51,667
on a porch swing.
17
00:00:51,667 --> 00:00:52,667
Don?
18
00:00:52,667 --> 00:00:53,667
(buzzing)
(grunting)
19
00:00:53,667 --> 00:00:54,667
Now I see it!
20
00:00:54,667 --> 00:00:55,959
A-plus, Don!
21
00:00:55,959 --> 00:00:58,708
Through this experiment,
I've proven
22
00:00:58,708 --> 00:01:00,750
that pain is very real.
23
00:01:00,750 --> 00:01:02,792
Now, tomorrow,
we are going to be studying
24
00:01:02,792 --> 00:01:05,333
the science of love;
human love.
25
00:01:05,333 --> 00:01:06,667
What?!
26
00:01:06,667 --> 00:01:09,333
He said love;
human love.
27
00:01:09,333 --> 00:01:12,500
This is the Scantronica 3000,
28
00:01:12,500 --> 00:01:15,208
the most accurate barometer
of human compatibility
29
00:01:15,208 --> 00:01:16,959
ever created.
30
00:01:17,041 --> 00:01:19,208
(beeping)
31
00:01:19,208 --> 00:01:21,500
STUDENTS:
Ooh...
32
00:01:21,500 --> 00:01:22,750
(whirring, bell dings)
33
00:01:22,750 --> 00:01:24,834
Tonight you will
fill out these cards.
34
00:01:24,834 --> 00:01:26,750
Tomorrow Scantronica
will pair you up
35
00:01:26,750 --> 00:01:28,333
with your ideal mate.
36
00:01:28,333 --> 00:01:31,166
You mean that computer
will bring my true love to me,
37
00:01:31,166 --> 00:01:32,834
no matter how oblivious he is?
38
00:01:32,834 --> 00:01:34,250
(buzzing)
(grunting)
39
00:01:34,250 --> 00:01:35,667
Yes, Deborah.
40
00:01:35,667 --> 00:01:38,333
Unlike a bad lover,
science never lies.
41
00:01:38,333 --> 00:01:40,208
Isn't that right, Scantronica?
42
00:01:40,208 --> 00:01:42,583
FEMALE COMPUTER VOICE:
Refill paper tray.
43
00:01:42,583 --> 00:01:44,208
Yes, my sweet.
44
00:01:44,208 --> 00:01:46,250
Ugh! Get a room.
45
00:01:48,417 --> 00:01:50,667
(snoring)
46
00:01:50,667 --> 00:01:52,834
KIP:
Grandma, wake up.
(gasping)
47
00:01:52,834 --> 00:01:55,000
This better be good.
48
00:01:55,000 --> 00:01:57,917
I was skinny-dipping
with Merle Haggard.
49
00:01:57,917 --> 00:01:59,917
I just mastered
the Horizontal Enigma
50
00:01:59,917 --> 00:02:01,667
with my Fushigi Ball.
51
00:02:01,667 --> 00:02:02,834
Behold.
52
00:02:02,834 --> 00:02:05,333
Ooh, how am I doing this?
53
00:02:05,333 --> 00:02:06,834
Magical energies?
54
00:02:06,834 --> 00:02:08,166
Maybe so.
55
00:02:08,166 --> 00:02:11,208
Fascinating.
56
00:02:11,208 --> 00:02:13,291
(snoring)
57
00:02:13,291 --> 00:02:15,417
Whoa, Kip!
58
00:02:15,417 --> 00:02:16,875
Are you in league
with Lucifer?
59
00:02:16,875 --> 00:02:18,208
It's called contact juggling.
60
00:02:18,208 --> 00:02:20,917
It has nothing to do
with the dark arts.
61
00:02:20,917 --> 00:02:23,375
In that case, you could
perform at birthday parties
62
00:02:23,375 --> 00:02:24,959
and make some serious moola.
63
00:02:25,041 --> 00:02:26,542
But I don't even have a manager.
64
00:02:26,542 --> 00:02:28,750
All right, I'll do it!
First order of business,
65
00:02:28,750 --> 00:02:30,125
you need a flashier name.
66
00:02:30,125 --> 00:02:32,333
Kip Dynamite-- boring!
67
00:02:34,458 --> 00:02:37,125
This Scantronica stuff
is a pile of bull.
68
00:02:37,125 --> 00:02:39,583
Technology will never
fulfill my desires.
69
00:02:39,583 --> 00:02:41,834
What did you put
for "walks on the beach"?
70
00:02:41,834 --> 00:02:43,083
Long or short?
71
00:02:43,083 --> 00:02:44,083
I hate the beach.
72
00:02:44,083 --> 00:02:46,250
Yeah, me, too.
73
00:02:46,250 --> 00:02:48,458
If you ask me,
there's only two questions
74
00:02:48,458 --> 00:02:49,959
that matter for compatibility:
75
00:02:50,041 --> 00:02:51,625
What's your
favorite kind of hawk?
76
00:02:51,625 --> 00:02:53,291
and "How many do you own?"
77
00:02:53,291 --> 00:02:55,000
Do you think
a girl like Summer
78
00:02:55,000 --> 00:02:57,875
would rather live in a house,
apartment, mansion or shack?
79
00:02:57,875 --> 00:02:59,792
Why are you trying
to get with Summer?
80
00:02:59,792 --> 00:03:01,542
Everyone knows
she loves Don.
81
00:03:01,542 --> 00:03:02,750
Ow!
82
00:03:02,750 --> 00:03:04,542
Yeah!
(laughs)
83
00:03:04,542 --> 00:03:06,708
You're hilarious, Don!
84
00:03:06,708 --> 00:03:09,250
Shut up and
tot me, babe.
85
00:03:09,250 --> 00:03:11,917
Now malt me.
86
00:03:11,917 --> 00:03:12,917
Mmm!
87
00:03:12,917 --> 00:03:14,250
Maybe you're right--
88
00:03:14,250 --> 00:03:16,625
I'll just fill it out
with honesty.
89
00:03:18,667 --> 00:03:20,583
Hey, Napoleon!
90
00:03:20,583 --> 00:03:21,959
(grunts)
91
00:03:21,959 --> 00:03:23,333
What the heck was that for?
92
00:03:23,333 --> 00:03:25,291
I was trying to tot you.
93
00:03:25,291 --> 00:03:27,500
Psycho!
94
00:03:29,959 --> 00:03:31,917
Hello.
I didn't see you there.
95
00:03:32,000 --> 00:03:34,792
My name is Kip Create,
and welcome to my world
96
00:03:34,792 --> 00:03:36,625
of creative entertainment.
97
00:03:36,625 --> 00:03:39,500
Check out some of my moves,
if you dare.
98
00:03:39,500 --> 00:03:42,542
I can do the squid,
the jellyfish,
99
00:03:42,542 --> 00:03:44,500
and I'm great with kids.
100
00:03:45,542 --> 00:03:46,792
Hi, there, little guy.
101
00:03:46,792 --> 00:03:48,333
Hey, Mr. Create.
102
00:03:48,333 --> 00:03:50,875
How much would you charge
to perform at my baptism?
103
00:03:50,875 --> 00:03:54,208
$80.
Here's $90.
104
00:03:54,208 --> 00:03:57,208
Book Kip Create today
for your next birthday party,
105
00:03:57,208 --> 00:03:58,542
funeral or ladies' night.
106
00:03:58,542 --> 00:04:00,792
♪ Call Kip Create,
don't you wait ♪
107
00:04:00,792 --> 00:04:03,500
♪ He'll be on time,
he's never late. ♪
108
00:04:03,500 --> 00:04:05,875
I'll never write anything
that good again.
109
00:04:06,209 --> 00:04:07,125
And...
110
00:04:07,125 --> 00:04:08,708
cut!
Nailed it.
111
00:04:08,708 --> 00:04:10,875
I'll say! Now we just
have to go house to house
112
00:04:11,209 --> 00:04:12,291
to show people
this tape.
113
00:04:15,208 --> 00:04:17,667
Gently, students; gently.
114
00:04:17,667 --> 00:04:20,291
You know what to do.
115
00:04:21,500 --> 00:04:25,291
Santo Valentino,
please guide my card.
116
00:04:26,291 --> 00:04:27,875
(grunts)
There.
117
00:04:27,875 --> 00:04:29,208
(grinding)
118
00:04:29,208 --> 00:04:30,667
(beeping)
119
00:04:30,667 --> 00:04:33,375
And now Scantronica
will seductively process
120
00:04:33,375 --> 00:04:35,125
your love data.
121
00:04:35,125 --> 00:04:38,250
♪ ♪
122
00:04:38,250 --> 00:04:40,625
♪ ♪
123
00:04:45,625 --> 00:04:47,625
(laughs)
Yes!
124
00:04:47,625 --> 00:04:50,041
♪ ♪
125
00:04:53,708 --> 00:04:55,083
(grunts)
126
00:04:57,083 --> 00:04:58,959
FEMALE COMPUTER VOICE:
Matchups complete.
127
00:04:59,041 --> 00:05:01,667
I've just been told
the matchups are complete.
128
00:05:01,667 --> 00:05:04,667
Once you hear Scantronica's
logic-based love assignments,
129
00:05:04,667 --> 00:05:08,166
you'll realize what a useless
organ the human heart really is.
130
00:05:08,166 --> 00:05:09,375
(beeping)
131
00:05:09,375 --> 00:05:11,834
FEMALE COMPUTER VOICE:
Jean and Gene.
132
00:05:11,834 --> 00:05:13,458
(both gasp)
133
00:05:13,458 --> 00:05:14,583
(lush orchestral melody)
134
00:05:14,583 --> 00:05:16,375
(both grunt, giggle)
135
00:05:16,375 --> 00:05:18,208
STUDENTS:
Aw...
Of course!
136
00:05:18,208 --> 00:05:20,041
How did I
never see that?
137
00:05:20,041 --> 00:05:22,417
FEMALE COMPUTER VOICE:
Summer and Pedro.
138
00:05:22,417 --> 00:05:23,708
Hijole!
139
00:05:23,708 --> 00:05:26,208
What?!
No...!
140
00:05:26,208 --> 00:05:29,041
FEMALE COMPUTER VOICE:
Napoleon and Tokiko.
141
00:05:29,041 --> 00:05:31,125
Oh, Napoleon,
I knew I'd get you!
142
00:05:31,125 --> 00:05:33,875
I'll own a hobby store, and
you'll be a stay-at-home dad
143
00:05:33,875 --> 00:05:35,458
and... Wait!
Who's Tokiko?
144
00:05:35,458 --> 00:05:37,250
How the heck
should I know?
145
00:05:37,250 --> 00:05:38,959
Oh, I forgot to introduce
146
00:05:38,959 --> 00:05:41,792
our new foreign-exchange
student, Tokiko.
147
00:05:41,792 --> 00:05:44,083
Konnichiwa.
148
00:05:44,083 --> 00:05:46,083
Then who did I get?
149
00:05:46,083 --> 00:05:48,125
FEMALE COMPUTER VOICE:
Deb and...
150
00:05:48,125 --> 00:05:49,500
Don.
151
00:05:49,500 --> 00:05:51,291
But Don's a D-bag!
152
00:05:51,291 --> 00:05:53,291
Your D-bag, baby!
153
00:05:53,291 --> 00:05:55,667
Yeah!
154
00:05:55,667 --> 00:05:57,875
Don't leave
him hanging.
155
00:06:02,500 --> 00:06:04,083
DEB:
Me and Don?!
156
00:06:04,083 --> 00:06:06,208
There must be something
wrong with that computer.
157
00:06:06,208 --> 00:06:08,917
I know Scantronica will be
right about me and Summer.
158
00:06:08,917 --> 00:06:10,667
As soon as she stops crying.
159
00:06:10,667 --> 00:06:12,417
(sobbing)
160
00:06:12,417 --> 00:06:13,417
(rip)
161
00:06:13,417 --> 00:06:15,250
Why?
162
00:06:15,250 --> 00:06:18,250
I guess I should go comfort her
about having to date me.
163
00:06:18,250 --> 00:06:20,667
You're taking the experiment
too seriously, Deb.
164
00:06:20,667 --> 00:06:23,083
The computer doesn't know
anything about us.
165
00:06:23,083 --> 00:06:24,250
It said I was compatible
166
00:06:24,250 --> 00:06:25,625
with that chick over there...
167
00:06:25,625 --> 00:06:27,458
(blade rings)
168
00:06:27,458 --> 00:06:29,333
...who just pulled
a freaking katana blade
169
00:06:29,333 --> 00:06:30,625
out of her backpack.
170
00:06:30,625 --> 00:06:32,625
(blade whipping)
171
00:06:34,917 --> 00:06:36,000
Later, Deb.
172
00:06:38,208 --> 00:06:40,750
Dave, right?
Deb.
173
00:06:40,750 --> 00:06:42,792
Okay, this makes a little
more sense, then.
174
00:06:42,792 --> 00:06:45,583
Anyway, my folks want to make
sure you're good enough for me.
175
00:06:45,583 --> 00:06:46,917
Want to come over
after school?
176
00:06:47,000 --> 00:06:48,208
I don't know.
177
00:06:50,959 --> 00:06:52,625
(bang)
Sure.
178
00:06:52,625 --> 00:06:54,250
Why not?
179
00:06:55,917 --> 00:06:58,000
CROWD:
Ooh...
180
00:06:59,333 --> 00:07:00,250
(whirring)
181
00:07:00,250 --> 00:07:01,500
Hey, this is my
street corner.
182
00:07:01,500 --> 00:07:03,000
You're stealing my crowd.
183
00:07:03,000 --> 00:07:04,750
Listen, robot man,
there's one and a half of us
184
00:07:04,750 --> 00:07:06,375
and only one of you.
185
00:07:06,375 --> 00:07:08,500
So why don't you just
head back to outer space?
186
00:07:08,500 --> 00:07:11,167
Street freaks, unite!
187
00:07:12,166 --> 00:07:14,917
(chainsaws buzz)
188
00:07:15,000 --> 00:07:15,875
Oh, dear.
189
00:07:16,209 --> 00:07:17,625
Hold on to your Fushigi, Kipper.
190
00:07:17,625 --> 00:07:18,917
(yelling and mechanical noises)
191
00:07:19,041 --> 00:07:21,208
ROBOT MAN:
Let's ice that punk.
192
00:07:21,208 --> 00:07:23,792
Lookie here,
our first dollar.
193
00:07:23,792 --> 00:07:25,166
(chainsaw revs)
Ooh...
194
00:07:30,333 --> 00:07:33,542
Napoleon, what are you
doing in my lucky kimono?
195
00:07:33,542 --> 00:07:35,834
There's an awesome Japanese girl
coming over,
196
00:07:35,834 --> 00:07:37,875
and I want to make
a good impression.
197
00:07:37,875 --> 00:07:39,875
Dang it.
198
00:07:39,875 --> 00:07:42,875
This could be my only chance
to fulfill my destiny
199
00:07:42,875 --> 00:07:45,250
as a wandering
samurai bladesman.
200
00:07:45,250 --> 00:07:47,333
(grunting)
201
00:07:47,333 --> 00:07:48,917
Oh, my junk.
202
00:07:49,000 --> 00:07:52,875
(sighs)
Come here, grasshopper.
203
00:07:52,875 --> 00:07:54,417
(groans)
204
00:07:54,417 --> 00:07:56,834
Thanks, Grandma,
you're the best.
205
00:07:56,834 --> 00:07:58,375
(doorbell rings)
She's here. Get lost.
206
00:08:07,209 --> 00:08:09,625
(giggles)
You speak Japanese?
207
00:08:09,625 --> 00:08:12,209
I stayed up all night,
mastering your tongue.
208
00:08:15,291 --> 00:08:16,708
(giggles)
209
00:08:25,542 --> 00:08:26,917
(sobbing)
210
00:08:26,917 --> 00:08:29,708
I just miss Don so much.
211
00:08:29,708 --> 00:08:32,375
I wonder who he's
making fun of right now.
212
00:08:32,375 --> 00:08:34,834
Probably someone who
doesn't deserve it.
213
00:08:34,834 --> 00:08:35,792
I know.
214
00:08:35,792 --> 00:08:37,708
Don's incredible.
215
00:08:37,708 --> 00:08:40,000
It's your shot.
216
00:08:41,583 --> 00:08:43,417
Uh, this day just keeps
217
00:08:43,417 --> 00:08:44,917
getting worse!
218
00:08:44,917 --> 00:08:46,834
(crunch, rattles)
Ow!
219
00:08:47,708 --> 00:08:49,583
(whimpering)
220
00:08:49,583 --> 00:08:50,917
Ooh...
221
00:08:50,917 --> 00:08:53,583
(rattles, then stops)
222
00:08:53,583 --> 00:08:55,291
Oh, my.
223
00:08:55,291 --> 00:08:57,583
The last time I was bit
by a rattlesnake on this hole,
224
00:08:57,583 --> 00:08:58,917
Don just laughed.
225
00:08:58,917 --> 00:09:01,542
I am not Don.
226
00:09:01,542 --> 00:09:05,083
Wow, you are really tan.
227
00:09:05,083 --> 00:09:08,417
And you've obviously been
working on your beach body.
228
00:09:08,417 --> 00:09:12,500
Let's just say, I've been
getting ready for Summer.
229
00:09:12,500 --> 00:09:14,542
Ooh... (giggles)
230
00:09:16,208 --> 00:09:18,375
DON:
Mom, this is the girl
231
00:09:18,375 --> 00:09:19,834
the machine gave me.
232
00:09:20,167 --> 00:09:21,708
People call her Deb.
233
00:09:21,708 --> 00:09:23,166
It's short for Deborah.
234
00:09:23,166 --> 00:09:26,542
And you're short for adorable.
235
00:09:29,209 --> 00:09:33,458
These are Don's sisters,
Dolly, Daisy, and Daphne.
236
00:09:33,458 --> 00:09:34,875
They're all D names.
237
00:09:35,209 --> 00:09:37,458
I never thought of that.
238
00:09:37,458 --> 00:09:39,875
Welcome to the family, Deb.
239
00:09:40,209 --> 00:09:41,917
Come on, Don, sports.
240
00:09:41,917 --> 00:09:44,500
Oh, boy! Sports!
241
00:09:46,625 --> 00:09:49,041
Those men and their sports.
242
00:09:49,041 --> 00:09:51,458
(laughing)
243
00:09:53,417 --> 00:09:56,291
Your home is beautiful,
Mrs. Moser.
244
00:09:56,291 --> 00:09:59,166
You know, I used
to tell people I lived here,
245
00:09:59,166 --> 00:10:01,834
back when my family was
going through challenges.
246
00:10:01,834 --> 00:10:04,333
You're hysterical, Deb.
247
00:10:04,333 --> 00:10:07,667
You know, I can tell by
your homemade clothes,
248
00:10:07,667 --> 00:10:10,834
that you have a penchant
for arts and crafts.
249
00:10:10,834 --> 00:10:13,417
It's my favorite thing
in the world.
250
00:10:13,417 --> 00:10:15,375
I hope that doesn't
sound conceited.
251
00:10:15,375 --> 00:10:18,250
Well, if it's your
favorite thing in the world,
252
00:10:18,250 --> 00:10:21,250
then this will be your
favorite place in the world.
253
00:10:21,250 --> 00:10:24,375
Welcome to the Moser
scrapbooking room.
254
00:10:24,375 --> 00:10:25,667
(gasps)
255
00:10:25,667 --> 00:10:28,041
Wow!
256
00:10:32,750 --> 00:10:35,375
This used to be the maid's room,
257
00:10:35,375 --> 00:10:38,583
till we found out she was
bringing her kid to work.
258
00:10:38,583 --> 00:10:40,250
Curvy scissors?
259
00:10:40,250 --> 00:10:42,208
Two-sided tape?
260
00:10:42,208 --> 00:10:44,291
Is that glitter or glue?
261
00:10:44,291 --> 00:10:46,834
It's both, Deb.
262
00:10:46,834 --> 00:10:50,291
If I had a room like
this, I'd never leave.
263
00:10:50,291 --> 00:10:52,583
And you don't have to, Deb,
264
00:10:52,583 --> 00:10:54,792
if you promise
yourself to Don.
265
00:10:54,792 --> 00:10:56,917
I always thought Don
would marry Summer.
266
00:10:56,917 --> 00:10:58,125
Summer?
267
00:10:58,125 --> 00:10:59,625
We don't really
care for her.
268
00:10:59,625 --> 00:11:01,917
Yeah, she thinks she's all that.
269
00:11:02,000 --> 00:11:04,333
But you don't think
you're anything.
270
00:11:04,333 --> 00:11:06,083
So, what do you say?
271
00:11:06,083 --> 00:11:07,708
I don't know.
272
00:11:07,708 --> 00:11:10,500
Promising yourself to someone
is a serious thing.
273
00:11:10,500 --> 00:11:12,083
It's my whole future.
274
00:11:12,083 --> 00:11:15,291
Well, how do you
see your future?
275
00:11:17,375 --> 00:11:19,625
(wheels squeak)
276
00:11:19,625 --> 00:11:20,959
(doorbell chimes)
277
00:11:21,041 --> 00:11:22,458
Hi, I'm selling...
278
00:11:22,458 --> 00:11:23,625
Can't you read?
279
00:11:23,625 --> 00:11:24,959
No solicitors.
280
00:11:25,041 --> 00:11:27,125
Napoleon? It's me, Deb.
281
00:11:27,125 --> 00:11:29,208
Oh, hey, Deb.
282
00:11:29,208 --> 00:11:31,542
What's it been, like,
30 freaking years?
283
00:11:31,542 --> 00:11:32,500
More or less.
284
00:11:32,500 --> 00:11:34,083
You look good.
285
00:11:34,083 --> 00:11:36,959
Yeah, I'm pretty much the
best-looking I've ever been.
286
00:11:36,959 --> 00:11:40,500
Napoleon, you didn't tell
me you had sad company.
287
00:11:40,500 --> 00:11:43,667
You must be the friend from high
school he never talks about.
288
00:11:43,667 --> 00:11:46,417
We should double date sometime,
with you and Don.
289
00:11:46,417 --> 00:11:48,125
I didn't marry Don.
290
00:11:48,125 --> 00:11:49,583
I didn't marry anyone.
291
00:11:49,583 --> 00:11:51,000
You snooze, you lose.
292
00:11:51,000 --> 00:11:52,667
Right, my little mochi balls?
293
00:11:52,667 --> 00:11:54,000
(children laughing)
294
00:11:54,083 --> 00:11:56,375
Sayonara, fat future Deb.
295
00:11:56,375 --> 00:11:57,542
(echoing):
Fat future Deb...
296
00:11:57,542 --> 00:11:59,000
Fat future Deb...
297
00:11:59,083 --> 00:12:02,458
What do you say,
fat future Deb?
298
00:12:02,458 --> 00:12:03,750
What was that?
299
00:12:03,750 --> 00:12:06,208
I said, "What do you say,
300
00:12:06,208 --> 00:12:07,583
thin present-day Deb"?
301
00:12:08,583 --> 00:12:11,208
(grunting, banging)
302
00:12:13,083 --> 00:12:15,583
E5, drop for your sensei.
303
00:12:15,583 --> 00:12:17,250
Master Kwon Do,
304
00:12:17,250 --> 00:12:19,166
I'd like you to meet my
scientifically chosen soul mate,
305
00:12:19,166 --> 00:12:20,875
Tokiko.
306
00:12:20,875 --> 00:12:23,875
Well, it's an honor to have
a full-blown Asian lady
307
00:12:23,875 --> 00:12:25,542
in my dojo.
308
00:12:25,542 --> 00:12:28,625
Let me show you the improvements
I've made to your ancient art.
309
00:12:28,625 --> 00:12:30,458
Dynamite, engage!
310
00:12:30,458 --> 00:12:32,166
(gong)
311
00:12:32,166 --> 00:12:34,542
(smacking and grunting)
312
00:12:41,333 --> 00:12:43,208
Admit defeat.
You admit defeat.
313
00:12:43,208 --> 00:12:45,625
Hey, China Beach,
who's the victor?
314
00:12:45,625 --> 00:12:47,875
Stop! I've seen enough!
315
00:12:47,875 --> 00:12:49,208
Tokiko, what's wrong?
316
00:12:49,208 --> 00:12:51,000
Why aren't you giggling?
317
00:12:51,000 --> 00:12:54,583
Napoleon, I love martial arts,
but I came to your country
318
00:12:54,583 --> 00:12:57,125
to learn how to be
an American girl.
319
00:12:57,125 --> 00:12:58,542
I want to make friends
320
00:12:58,542 --> 00:13:00,750
and then say mean things
behind their backs.
321
00:13:00,750 --> 00:13:02,375
I want to go to the prom,
322
00:13:02,375 --> 00:13:04,375
and throw up in a limo.
323
00:13:04,375 --> 00:13:08,125
I want to make everything I say
sound like a question?
324
00:13:08,125 --> 00:13:09,375
Lame.
325
00:13:09,375 --> 00:13:11,667
Napoleon,
there's a lot more to me
326
00:13:11,667 --> 00:13:14,166
than my amazing
samurai abilities.
327
00:13:14,166 --> 00:13:16,834
But I don't think
you'll ever see past that.
328
00:13:16,834 --> 00:13:18,375
Probably not.
329
00:13:18,375 --> 00:13:20,166
So just friends then?
330
00:13:20,166 --> 00:13:23,542
Um, I'd, like,
really like that?
331
00:13:23,542 --> 00:13:25,625
Never turn your back on anyone!
332
00:13:25,625 --> 00:13:27,708
My back listens to no man.
333
00:13:28,875 --> 00:13:31,208
(groaning)
334
00:13:34,583 --> 00:13:36,375
I don't know about this, Rico.
335
00:13:36,375 --> 00:13:37,917
Nobody hired me to perform here.
336
00:13:38,000 --> 00:13:39,250
That don't matter.
337
00:13:39,250 --> 00:13:40,708
Once they see you
gift for illusion,
338
00:13:40,708 --> 00:13:43,959
they'll be filling
your culottes with cash.
339
00:13:43,959 --> 00:13:45,959
Ouch.
340
00:13:45,959 --> 00:13:48,083
Hello, I'm Kip Create,
341
00:13:48,083 --> 00:13:51,083
and I'm here to dazzle you.
342
00:13:51,083 --> 00:13:53,375
(music & conversation stop,
billiard ball clacks)
343
00:13:55,458 --> 00:13:56,667
RICO:
Oh, dang!
344
00:13:56,667 --> 00:13:58,375
Faster, Rico, faster!
345
00:13:58,375 --> 00:14:00,375
Man, we've been doing
a lot of running today.
346
00:14:00,375 --> 00:14:01,750
(gunshot, Kip gasps)
347
00:14:01,750 --> 00:14:03,542
(bell rings)
348
00:14:03,542 --> 00:14:05,750
(squeaking)
349
00:14:05,750 --> 00:14:07,208
What's wrong, Scantronica?
350
00:14:07,208 --> 00:14:09,166
You used to light up
when I did this.
351
00:14:09,166 --> 00:14:11,208
Replace bulb.
352
00:14:11,208 --> 00:14:13,208
Oh, thank heavens.
353
00:14:13,208 --> 00:14:15,500
Professor Koontz, guess what?
354
00:14:15,500 --> 00:14:18,208
Your stupid machine is
a big steaming pile of crud.
355
00:14:18,208 --> 00:14:21,625
Whoa, whoa, let's not say
anything we're going to regret.
356
00:14:21,625 --> 00:14:23,333
I totally mismatched me.
357
00:14:23,333 --> 00:14:25,166
It doesn't know anything
about love.
358
00:14:25,166 --> 00:14:26,708
Doesn't it, Napoleon?
359
00:14:26,708 --> 00:14:29,250
That's it, students.
360
00:14:29,250 --> 00:14:30,750
Enjoy each other.
361
00:14:30,750 --> 00:14:32,792
Reap while the corn
still grows high.
362
00:14:32,792 --> 00:14:34,166
Sick.
363
00:14:34,166 --> 00:14:35,542
I know I'm not the only one
364
00:14:35,542 --> 00:14:36,959
who thinks this is stupid.
365
00:14:36,959 --> 00:14:38,917
Deb got paired up
with that lame-wad, Don.
366
00:14:39,000 --> 00:14:40,375
Hey, Napoleon.
367
00:14:40,375 --> 00:14:41,583
Deb! Look out!
368
00:14:41,583 --> 00:14:42,708
There's a muskrat
on your head!
369
00:14:42,708 --> 00:14:43,959
Don likes it.
370
00:14:43,959 --> 00:14:46,333
Who cares?
Don likes mayonnaise.
371
00:14:46,333 --> 00:14:48,166
Mayonnaise is the best.
372
00:14:48,166 --> 00:14:50,542
Hey, everybody,
Deb and I are having
373
00:14:50,542 --> 00:14:53,959
an awesome promise ring ceremony
on my dad's houseboat.
374
00:14:54,041 --> 00:14:55,750
And none of you are invited.
375
00:14:55,750 --> 00:14:57,542
(cheering)
376
00:14:57,542 --> 00:14:58,875
Can you believe it?
377
00:14:58,875 --> 00:15:01,458
I'm engaged to be engaged
to be engaged.
378
00:15:01,458 --> 00:15:02,708
GIRLS:
Awww...
379
00:15:02,708 --> 00:15:05,583
A ring's gonna look
so good on that finger.
380
00:15:05,583 --> 00:15:08,750
I believe you have something
to say to Scantronica.
381
00:15:08,750 --> 00:15:10,041
Heck, yes, I do.
382
00:15:14,458 --> 00:15:16,291
Uh, can I have
a hall pass?
383
00:15:18,917 --> 00:15:21,834
Pedro, we've got to stop
Deb from going through
384
00:15:21,834 --> 00:15:23,125
with that dumb promise
ring ceremony.
385
00:15:23,125 --> 00:15:24,125
It's no big deal.
386
00:15:24,125 --> 00:15:25,792
But Deb never
breaks a promise.
387
00:15:25,792 --> 00:15:27,250
She's super honest.
388
00:15:27,250 --> 00:15:28,458
You know how we're, like,
389
00:15:28,458 --> 00:15:30,041
supposed to pay for
our school lunches?
390
00:15:30,041 --> 00:15:31,291
She actually does.
391
00:15:31,291 --> 00:15:32,458
So do I, Napoleon.
392
00:15:32,458 --> 00:15:33,625
I pay for yours, too.
393
00:15:33,625 --> 00:15:34,792
Sucker...
394
00:15:34,792 --> 00:15:36,500
So, you gonna
help me or what?
395
00:15:36,500 --> 00:15:37,959
I'd like to, Napoleon,
396
00:15:37,959 --> 00:15:39,917
but I worked very hard
to win Summer's heart
397
00:15:39,917 --> 00:15:41,542
and make her forget
all about Don.
398
00:15:41,542 --> 00:15:42,792
Don?
399
00:15:42,792 --> 00:15:44,375
Did somebody say "Don"?
400
00:15:44,375 --> 00:15:45,708
Was it Don?
401
00:15:45,708 --> 00:15:47,834
(sighs)
Okay, we're in.
402
00:15:47,834 --> 00:15:49,083
Did you say, "We're Don"?
403
00:15:49,083 --> 00:15:50,083
Oy...
404
00:15:55,959 --> 00:15:59,667
I can't believe you finally
got me a gig, Uncle Rico.
405
00:15:59,667 --> 00:16:01,375
And on the high seas, no less.
406
00:16:01,375 --> 00:16:03,291
If there's one thing
rich people love,
407
00:16:03,291 --> 00:16:04,667
it's amateur entertainment.
408
00:16:04,667 --> 00:16:07,166
Thanks for the dress,
Mrs. Moser.
409
00:16:07,166 --> 00:16:10,083
I didn't know I could ever
be this pretty.
410
00:16:10,083 --> 00:16:11,500
(scary music)
411
00:16:11,500 --> 00:16:12,792
(gasping)
412
00:16:12,792 --> 00:16:13,667
What?
413
00:16:13,667 --> 00:16:15,625
Don't panic, Deb.
414
00:16:15,625 --> 00:16:17,542
It's just a laugh line.
415
00:16:17,542 --> 00:16:20,250
A hideous, disfiguring
laugh line.
416
00:16:20,250 --> 00:16:23,208
Don shouldn't have to see
that on his special day, Mom.
417
00:16:23,208 --> 00:16:26,750
Yes, let's go below deck
and get that fixed right up.
418
00:16:26,750 --> 00:16:29,458
Oh, Don looks so handsome
419
00:16:29,458 --> 00:16:31,375
in his houseboat clothes.
420
00:16:31,375 --> 00:16:34,208
I'll say, he could be a
presenter at an awards show.
421
00:16:34,208 --> 00:16:35,500
Maybe at the
Butthole Awards.
422
00:16:35,500 --> 00:16:37,208
We gotta get out
to that houseboat.
423
00:16:37,208 --> 00:16:38,375
(boat approaches)
424
00:16:38,375 --> 00:16:40,792
That gives me an idea.
425
00:16:40,792 --> 00:16:42,250
Follow me.
426
00:16:43,500 --> 00:16:46,500
This better be
a really good idea.
427
00:16:53,834 --> 00:16:55,333
That was easy.
428
00:17:04,708 --> 00:17:07,542
(grunting with effort)
429
00:17:07,542 --> 00:17:09,083
It's almost starting.
430
00:17:09,083 --> 00:17:11,291
Hurry!
431
00:17:11,291 --> 00:17:13,041
(both grunting with effort)
432
00:17:15,375 --> 00:17:17,875
Sit right here, Deb.
433
00:17:17,875 --> 00:17:19,875
This is Dr. Jeff.
434
00:17:19,875 --> 00:17:22,583
He's our in-houseboat
plastic surgeon.
435
00:17:22,583 --> 00:17:24,375
Plastic surgeon?!
436
00:17:24,375 --> 00:17:26,458
Relax, Deb, this is a
very simple procedure.
437
00:17:26,458 --> 00:17:27,917
I'm just gonna cut
your face off,
438
00:17:27,917 --> 00:17:29,500
scoop some fat out
of the cheeks,
439
00:17:29,500 --> 00:17:30,750
and staple it
back into place.
440
00:17:30,750 --> 00:17:32,458
What do you say?
Are you with me?
441
00:17:32,458 --> 00:17:34,375
No, I'm not.
442
00:17:34,375 --> 00:17:36,417
It's okay, Deb,
we've all had it done.
443
00:17:37,542 --> 00:17:40,417
Aah! I am not having
plastic surgery.
444
00:17:40,417 --> 00:17:42,625
Deb's right, there's no time.
445
00:17:42,625 --> 00:17:44,834
We'll Botox her.
446
00:17:44,834 --> 00:17:47,792
We've gathered here today
to bind two people
447
00:17:47,792 --> 00:17:49,583
in a non-binding promise.
448
00:17:49,583 --> 00:17:51,750
Scantronica, do you
have the rings?
449
00:17:53,834 --> 00:17:55,667
Of course you do.
450
00:17:55,667 --> 00:17:58,625
Don, you look pale
and handsome, as always.
451
00:17:58,625 --> 00:18:00,583
Tans are for poor people.
452
00:18:00,583 --> 00:18:03,375
And Deborah, you have not
been able to wipe that grin
453
00:18:03,375 --> 00:18:05,500
from your face since
you boarded this barge.
454
00:18:05,500 --> 00:18:06,792
Help me.
455
00:18:06,792 --> 00:18:08,291
Bless your heart.
456
00:18:08,291 --> 00:18:12,208
I don't know if we should
go through with this.
457
00:18:12,208 --> 00:18:14,208
Deb looks pretty happy.
458
00:18:14,208 --> 00:18:16,875
SUMMER: That's not happiness,
that's the Moser Botox glow.
459
00:18:17,209 --> 00:18:19,583
And it's supposed to be
on my face.
460
00:18:19,583 --> 00:18:21,333
In that case,
we're still a go.
461
00:18:21,333 --> 00:18:24,458
Donald, do you promise
to one day make a promise
462
00:18:24,458 --> 00:18:26,708
to take Deb
as your lawfully wedded wife?
463
00:18:26,708 --> 00:18:28,208
Okay.
464
00:18:28,208 --> 00:18:31,250
And Deborah,
my delicate mashed potato,
465
00:18:31,250 --> 00:18:32,500
do you promise...
No.
466
00:18:32,500 --> 00:18:33,500
...to promise...
No.
467
00:18:33,500 --> 00:18:34,792
...to obey Donald
468
00:18:34,792 --> 00:18:37,291
and cater to his
every whim and fancy?
469
00:18:37,291 --> 00:18:38,041
Still no.
470
00:18:38,041 --> 00:18:39,166
Pedro...
471
00:18:39,166 --> 00:18:40,500
did you place
any detonation charges
472
00:18:40,500 --> 00:18:41,917
on the bottom of the boat?
473
00:18:41,917 --> 00:18:43,375
Was I supposed to?
474
00:18:43,375 --> 00:18:45,625
No, but it would
have been sweet.
475
00:18:45,625 --> 00:18:48,500
I guess we'll just have to
be explosive with our words.
476
00:18:48,500 --> 00:18:49,708
Hey, Deb!
477
00:18:49,708 --> 00:18:50,875
Don't do this.
478
00:18:50,875 --> 00:18:51,917
Napoleon?
479
00:18:52,000 --> 00:18:53,834
I owe you an apology.
480
00:18:53,834 --> 00:18:55,917
I'm sorry that I was
right all along.
481
00:18:55,917 --> 00:18:57,834
That machine is stupid.
482
00:18:57,834 --> 00:19:00,875
I shouldn't be with Tokiko,
and you shouldn't be with Don.
483
00:19:01,209 --> 00:19:04,250
Are you saying you and I should
be promised to each other?
484
00:19:04,250 --> 00:19:05,417
What?! No.
485
00:19:05,417 --> 00:19:06,583
GUESTS:
Awww....
486
00:19:06,583 --> 00:19:07,875
WOMAN:
He loves her.
487
00:19:07,875 --> 00:19:08,708
Everyone shut up!
488
00:19:08,708 --> 00:19:10,000
Mind your own business!
489
00:19:10,000 --> 00:19:12,583
Come on, Deb,
let's get out of here.
490
00:19:12,583 --> 00:19:16,250
Oh, you're not going anywhere.
491
00:19:16,250 --> 00:19:17,667
What are you gonna do about it?
492
00:19:17,667 --> 00:19:18,834
(snaps)
493
00:19:18,834 --> 00:19:20,834
(growling)
494
00:19:20,834 --> 00:19:22,000
I got this.
495
00:19:22,000 --> 00:19:23,583
No, it's too dangerous.
496
00:19:23,583 --> 00:19:25,625
Don't worry, you don't
become head cheerleader
497
00:19:25,625 --> 00:19:27,417
without cracking
a few skulls.
498
00:19:27,417 --> 00:19:28,792
I'll miss you, Pedro.
499
00:19:28,792 --> 00:19:30,500
Thanks for taking
me to Mexico.
500
00:19:30,500 --> 00:19:31,917
That was my house.
501
00:19:31,917 --> 00:19:33,542
Hi-ya!
502
00:19:33,542 --> 00:19:36,500
Chick fight! Yeah!
503
00:19:40,041 --> 00:19:41,792
(gasps)
504
00:19:41,792 --> 00:19:42,875
(gasps)
505
00:19:42,875 --> 00:19:43,875
(gasps)
506
00:19:44,209 --> 00:19:45,834
Out of my way,
you classy hag.
507
00:19:45,834 --> 00:19:47,917
Resistance is
futile, Napoleon.
508
00:19:48,000 --> 00:19:50,750
You're tangling with a force
you don't understand--
509
00:19:50,750 --> 00:19:53,625
the upper-middle class!
510
00:19:53,625 --> 00:19:56,083
(Napoleon gasps, shudders)
511
00:19:57,583 --> 00:19:58,834
(gasping breaths)
512
00:19:58,834 --> 00:20:00,917
♪ ♪
513
00:20:00,917 --> 00:20:01,708
Kip?
514
00:20:01,708 --> 00:20:02,834
(crowd ooh-ing)
515
00:20:02,834 --> 00:20:05,083
Hello. I'm Kip Create.
516
00:20:05,083 --> 00:20:08,917
Welcome to my world
of illusion and hypnotic dance.
517
00:20:08,917 --> 00:20:11,375
♪ ♪
518
00:20:17,625 --> 00:20:20,375
(gasps)
Look at that ball!
519
00:20:20,375 --> 00:20:21,542
(frustrated grunt)
520
00:20:21,542 --> 00:20:22,792
Why does he always
need attention?
521
00:20:22,792 --> 00:20:25,166
I think he's creating
a diversion for us.
522
00:20:25,166 --> 00:20:26,875
Oh. Sweet.
523
00:20:26,875 --> 00:20:28,166
Thanks, Kip.
524
00:20:33,708 --> 00:20:34,917
Better hang on.
525
00:20:35,041 --> 00:20:37,458
This is gonna be awesome.
526
00:20:38,959 --> 00:20:39,959
(whooping)
527
00:20:39,959 --> 00:20:41,208
PEDRO:
Oy, yo-yoy!
528
00:20:42,542 --> 00:20:43,792
This thing rips!
529
00:20:43,792 --> 00:20:45,125
If I was upper-middle class,
530
00:20:45,125 --> 00:20:47,250
I'd rent the crap
out of one of these.
531
00:20:47,250 --> 00:20:48,375
You'll always be
upper-middle class
532
00:20:48,375 --> 00:20:50,250
to me, Napoleon.
533
00:20:50,250 --> 00:20:53,583
Hey, you got your
plain old face back.
534
00:20:53,583 --> 00:20:55,000
I missed it.
535
00:20:56,000 --> 00:20:57,500
Aw...
Shut up!
536
00:21:03,209 --> 00:21:03,917
Yes!
537
00:21:04,000 --> 00:21:05,083
Orale!
538
00:21:05,083 --> 00:21:06,750
GRANDMA:
Napoleon!
539
00:21:06,750 --> 00:21:08,875
Get that thing
out of the pool!
540
00:21:09,000 --> 00:21:10,917
I'm trying
to Aqua Jog!
541
00:21:11,000 --> 00:21:12,917
And we're looking
for buried treasure.
542
00:21:12,917 --> 00:21:13,959
Fine!
543
00:21:14,041 --> 00:21:16,583
(Pedro yells, Deb whoops)
544
00:21:17,500 --> 00:21:19,667
You boys get out
of the pool, too.
545
00:21:19,667 --> 00:21:22,959
I'm gonna do some stretches
you might not want to see.
546
00:21:24,375 --> 00:21:26,291
Uh, 'nuff said, Carlinda.
Come on, Kip.
547
00:21:28,959 --> 00:21:31,792
I wish there were
more goblets.
33971
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