Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated:
1
00:00:01,959 --> 00:00:04,291
(horn honking)
(gasps)
2
00:00:05,375 --> 00:00:07,417
Hey!
(llama growls)
3
00:00:07,417 --> 00:00:09,375
Dang!
(panting)
4
00:00:13,959 --> 00:00:15,208
(grunts)
5
00:00:16,959 --> 00:00:18,667
Hello, Napoleon.
Hey, Pedro.
6
00:00:20,041 --> 00:00:22,708
(grunts, sighs)
7
00:00:28,250 --> 00:00:31,750
RICO:
This is my favorite
gas station to shop at.
8
00:00:31,750 --> 00:00:33,667
Where else can you
buy a wiper blade
9
00:00:33,667 --> 00:00:35,458
and an off-brand energy drink?
10
00:00:35,458 --> 00:00:38,458
Grandma, will you buy me this
tiny rolled-up horoscope?
11
00:00:38,458 --> 00:00:40,333
Stop asking her
to buy you stuff,
12
00:00:40,333 --> 00:00:43,000
you're like 70
freakin' years old! Whoa!
13
00:00:43,000 --> 00:00:44,959
Grandma, will you buy me
this lighter
14
00:00:44,959 --> 00:00:46,959
that's shaped like dice
and says "High Roller?"
15
00:00:46,959 --> 00:00:48,542
Will you two shut up?
16
00:00:48,542 --> 00:00:50,250
I'm trying to order dinner.
17
00:00:50,250 --> 00:00:52,959
How many hours has this chicken
been under this heat lamp?
18
00:00:53,041 --> 00:00:56,083
Depends.
How many hours is in three days?
19
00:00:57,542 --> 00:00:59,000
Hmm. That piece looks good.
20
00:00:59,083 --> 00:01:01,875
Kip! Quit hogging all
the good breast meat!
21
00:01:01,875 --> 00:01:03,875
Napoleon, I already
called this baby.
22
00:01:03,875 --> 00:01:05,583
Uncle Rico,
tell Kip to quit eating
23
00:01:05,583 --> 00:01:07,125
all the gas station chicken.
24
00:01:07,125 --> 00:01:09,625
Napoleon, you made me
lose my spot again.
25
00:01:09,625 --> 00:01:12,625
Now I gotta start all over.
26
00:01:12,625 --> 00:01:16,458
"Brian was a quarterback,
but he was also a detective."
27
00:01:16,458 --> 00:01:18,583
Man, I'm so confused.
28
00:01:18,583 --> 00:01:20,458
You better not eat
that breast, Kip.
29
00:01:20,458 --> 00:01:22,125
Try and stop me, Napoleon.
30
00:01:22,125 --> 00:01:23,625
You do you die.
31
00:01:23,625 --> 00:01:25,625
What?
You do you die.
32
00:01:25,625 --> 00:01:27,792
I'm sick of you always
taking my stuff, Kip!
33
00:01:27,792 --> 00:01:30,750
Name three times in
chronological order.
34
00:01:30,750 --> 00:01:32,125
Okay.
35
00:01:36,250 --> 00:01:38,125
Wah!
36
00:01:39,875 --> 00:01:41,250
Here's my list.
37
00:01:41,250 --> 00:01:43,125
You look tired, Santa.
Take a break.
38
00:01:43,125 --> 00:01:45,000
Thanks!
Wait, Santa!
39
00:01:45,000 --> 00:01:46,917
Scram!
Santa will be back next year.
40
00:01:47,041 --> 00:01:48,792
(sighs)
41
00:01:51,750 --> 00:01:53,750
(humming)
42
00:01:58,000 --> 00:01:59,333
Whoa....
43
00:01:59,333 --> 00:02:00,250
(thud)
44
00:02:01,250 --> 00:02:03,250
Fine, then.
You can have my skin.
45
00:02:03,250 --> 00:02:05,250
Think fast.
My eyes!
46
00:02:05,250 --> 00:02:07,875
Dang it.
The grease...
it kills!
47
00:02:09,875 --> 00:02:12,792
Oh, man! The diamonds
are in the football!
48
00:02:12,792 --> 00:02:15,166
I did not see
that coming!
49
00:02:15,166 --> 00:02:17,291
(rooster crows)
50
00:02:17,291 --> 00:02:18,291
(squawks)
51
00:02:18,291 --> 00:02:19,375
(gulps)
52
00:02:20,333 --> 00:02:22,500
Hold still, Kip!
53
00:02:22,500 --> 00:02:24,834
Grandma, are you sure
these abs are waterproof?
54
00:02:24,834 --> 00:02:26,667
Misty and I might
go hot-tubbing.
55
00:02:26,667 --> 00:02:29,708
Kip, you only talk to
this girl on the computer.
56
00:02:29,708 --> 00:02:32,708
It could just be that
neighbor boy pranking you again.
57
00:02:32,708 --> 00:02:34,166
Oh, yeah?
58
00:02:34,166 --> 00:02:36,291
Read this saucy excerpt
from our last chat.
59
00:02:36,291 --> 00:02:40,542
"I have to come into town
for dog food anyway,
60
00:02:40,542 --> 00:02:42,500
so I guess I'll meet you."
61
00:02:42,500 --> 00:02:44,333
Tell me that's not real.
62
00:02:44,333 --> 00:02:45,667
(gasps)
What?
63
00:02:45,667 --> 00:02:47,250
Holy crap!
64
00:02:47,250 --> 00:02:48,542
What happened to your forehead?
65
00:02:48,542 --> 00:02:50,000
Kip hucked some chicken skin
at me,
66
00:02:50,000 --> 00:02:51,583
and it gave me
a butt load of zits.
67
00:02:51,583 --> 00:02:52,959
He's always disrespecting me
68
00:02:53,041 --> 00:02:56,583
'cause he's jealous
of my sweet body!
69
00:02:56,583 --> 00:02:59,583
Napoleon, your face
is making me sick.
70
00:02:59,583 --> 00:03:01,917
Go into the bathroom
and pop those things.
71
00:03:02,000 --> 00:03:04,291
I already tried.
They're not ready yet.
72
00:03:04,291 --> 00:03:05,500
See?
73
00:03:05,500 --> 00:03:06,792
You're not doing it right.
74
00:03:06,792 --> 00:03:08,125
Get over here.
75
00:03:08,125 --> 00:03:09,542
Jeez!
76
00:03:11,041 --> 00:03:13,375
Ow, ow! Stop!
Hold still.
77
00:03:13,375 --> 00:03:14,667
It kills! Dang it!
Hold still!
78
00:03:14,667 --> 00:03:16,166
Well, the roots are too deep.
79
00:03:16,166 --> 00:03:17,542
They're digging into the skull.
80
00:03:17,542 --> 00:03:19,291
I told you they weren't ready.
81
00:03:19,291 --> 00:03:20,875
Try stabbing it with a blade.
82
00:03:21,000 --> 00:03:22,417
Good idea, Kipper.
83
00:03:24,750 --> 00:03:27,166
You guys are idiots!
84
00:03:30,250 --> 00:03:31,708
I don't know, Napoleon.
85
00:03:31,708 --> 00:03:33,667
Looks to me like
you got some kind of
86
00:03:33,667 --> 00:03:35,083
egg-sack lodged in there.
87
00:03:35,083 --> 00:03:36,417
Maybe hobo spiders.
88
00:03:36,417 --> 00:03:38,083
Really?
89
00:03:38,083 --> 00:03:40,208
Hey, this ought to take care
of your chicken zits.
90
00:03:41,083 --> 00:03:42,708
Rack-U-Tane?
91
00:03:43,708 --> 00:03:45,083
Actually, that's the last tube
92
00:03:45,083 --> 00:03:46,542
I'm legally allowed to sell.
93
00:03:46,542 --> 00:03:47,917
Did you hear that, Napoleon?
94
00:03:48,000 --> 00:03:49,625
It's our lucky day!
95
00:03:49,625 --> 00:03:53,208
It's been banned by the FDA,
the DEA, and the WNBA.
96
00:03:53,208 --> 00:03:54,583
Is it safe?
97
00:03:54,583 --> 00:03:56,125
Quit bothering
the pharmacist.
98
00:03:56,125 --> 00:03:58,458
He probably has
student loans to worry about.
99
00:03:58,458 --> 00:04:00,750
Between you and me,
I didn't even go to college.
100
00:04:00,750 --> 00:04:02,250
Right on!
101
00:04:02,250 --> 00:04:04,375
(school bell rings)
102
00:04:04,375 --> 00:04:06,333
(indistinct talking)
103
00:04:06,333 --> 00:04:09,041
"Warning.
Physical side effects include:
104
00:04:09,041 --> 00:04:11,917
"bad breath, B.O., lust,
105
00:04:11,917 --> 00:04:13,917
"increased pain threshold,
106
00:04:13,917 --> 00:04:16,708
and fits of unbridled rage."
Yeah, right.
107
00:04:23,417 --> 00:04:28,417
♪ Happy talk,
keep talkin' happy talk ♪
108
00:04:28,417 --> 00:04:32,500
♪ Talk about things
you'd like to do... ♪
109
00:04:32,500 --> 00:04:33,750
(sizzling)
(gasps)
110
00:04:33,750 --> 00:04:34,917
Sorry I'm late.
111
00:04:35,000 --> 00:04:36,667
Good gracious!
112
00:04:36,667 --> 00:04:38,333
What's wrong with your forehead?
It's on fire!
113
00:04:38,333 --> 00:04:40,291
I'm okay.
It's just the Rack-U-Tane
114
00:04:40,291 --> 00:04:41,792
trying to eat all the bacteria.
115
00:04:41,792 --> 00:04:43,834
It smells like a burnt lasagna.
116
00:04:43,834 --> 00:04:45,625
But I don't even feel anything.
117
00:04:49,625 --> 00:04:50,834
Hello, Napoleon.
118
00:04:50,834 --> 00:04:52,166
Hey, Pedro.
119
00:04:54,291 --> 00:04:56,000
What's happening to me?
120
00:04:56,834 --> 00:04:58,291
Hey Pedro, could you pour
121
00:04:58,291 --> 00:05:00,250
some of your Turbo Slush
on my zits?
122
00:05:00,250 --> 00:05:02,625
I think the caffeine might
kill some of the germs.
123
00:05:02,625 --> 00:05:03,875
No problem.
124
00:05:05,875 --> 00:05:08,250
I think it's working.
Your zits are like...
125
00:05:08,250 --> 00:05:10,625
drinking the juice.
Thanks.
126
00:05:11,792 --> 00:05:13,625
Never mind.
127
00:05:13,625 --> 00:05:14,625
(slurping)
128
00:05:14,625 --> 00:05:16,667
Does it hurt?
Not really.
129
00:05:16,667 --> 00:05:18,917
I'm just having, like, all
these strange desires right now.
130
00:05:19,000 --> 00:05:20,667
Really? What kind of desires?
131
00:05:20,667 --> 00:05:22,458
Well, like, I really
want to get married
132
00:05:22,458 --> 00:05:23,917
and go on a honeymoon
right now...
133
00:05:24,000 --> 00:05:26,667
But I mainly just feel like
crushing people's lives.
134
00:05:26,667 --> 00:05:28,792
Sounds like lust
and unbridled rage.
135
00:05:28,792 --> 00:05:31,458
Sweet! My rage has
never been unbridled.
136
00:05:33,667 --> 00:05:35,542
I've always hated that sink.
137
00:05:38,834 --> 00:05:40,208
Now Kip,
138
00:05:40,208 --> 00:05:42,792
if this girl turns out
to be a kidnapper,
139
00:05:42,792 --> 00:05:44,959
do you remember
the address song?
140
00:05:45,041 --> 00:05:48,500
♪ My name is Kipland Dynamite ♪
141
00:05:48,500 --> 00:05:50,875
♪ I live in Preston, Idaho ♪
142
00:05:50,875 --> 00:05:53,166
♪ 143 Jitney Lane ♪
143
00:05:53,166 --> 00:05:55,417
♪ Return me to my grandma. ♪
144
00:05:55,417 --> 00:05:57,834
You still got it.
145
00:06:00,333 --> 00:06:03,333
Excuse me, did you just sing
your name was Kipland Dynamite?
146
00:06:03,333 --> 00:06:06,500
In the flesh. And I can tell
by your sack of dog treats
147
00:06:06,500 --> 00:06:09,166
that you must be Misty.
148
00:06:10,625 --> 00:06:12,458
Yeah. Um, I have to go.
149
00:06:12,458 --> 00:06:13,875
Wait!
150
00:06:13,875 --> 00:06:16,875
Are your abs getting hot?
Mine sure are.
151
00:06:16,875 --> 00:06:19,667
Ooh. Kip is ripped.
152
00:06:21,041 --> 00:06:23,041
(whistle blows)
153
00:06:23,041 --> 00:06:25,375
Hey, Deb, did I ever tell you
how big of a babe you are?
154
00:06:25,375 --> 00:06:27,875
I just want you to know that
if my girlfriend in Oklahoma
155
00:06:27,875 --> 00:06:29,667
ever dies,
I'd totally marry you.
156
00:06:29,667 --> 00:06:32,208
Uh... Are you okay, Napoleon?
157
00:06:32,208 --> 00:06:33,667
Yes, I'm fine.
158
00:06:33,667 --> 00:06:35,917
Can I kiss the top of
your hand for a dollar?
159
00:06:36,000 --> 00:06:38,083
His zit cream is
making him loco.
160
00:06:38,083 --> 00:06:39,583
Today, we're going to
play a game
161
00:06:39,583 --> 00:06:40,834
that our pioneer
ancestors developed
162
00:06:40,834 --> 00:06:42,125
when they crossed the plains.
163
00:06:42,125 --> 00:06:44,125
It's called "Smear the Deer."
164
00:06:44,125 --> 00:06:45,959
Yes!
165
00:06:46,041 --> 00:06:48,625
Napoleon, would you be a deer
and put these antlers on?
Okay.
166
00:06:48,625 --> 00:06:50,708
The rest of you are
hungry pioneer children.
167
00:06:50,708 --> 00:06:52,583
When I blow my whistle,
168
00:06:52,583 --> 00:06:54,625
you'll do everything in your
power to incapacitate the deer
169
00:06:54,625 --> 00:06:56,250
using only your bare hands
and pioneer reflexes.
170
00:06:56,250 --> 00:06:57,583
Are there any questions?
171
00:06:57,583 --> 00:06:59,250
Can Pedro be my sentinel?
172
00:06:59,250 --> 00:07:00,458
No, he can't.
173
00:07:00,458 --> 00:07:02,333
You are just a rogue deer
with no allies.
174
00:07:02,333 --> 00:07:03,875
Ah, dang it.
Okay.
175
00:07:03,875 --> 00:07:05,500
Is everybody ready?
(blows whistle)
176
00:07:06,500 --> 00:07:08,375
(growling)
177
00:07:08,375 --> 00:07:09,708
Good gravy!
178
00:07:09,708 --> 00:07:12,167
(panting)
179
00:07:14,583 --> 00:07:16,542
Holy crap!
180
00:07:16,542 --> 00:07:20,208
Gotcha! Looks like I'm
gonna smear the deer!
181
00:07:20,208 --> 00:07:21,792
Not today, Don!
182
00:07:21,792 --> 00:07:23,875
Whoa, ah, ow, oh!
183
00:07:24,209 --> 00:07:25,250
What the heck?!
184
00:07:27,041 --> 00:07:28,792
You don't hold a tuba like that.
185
00:07:28,792 --> 00:07:30,291
You aim it skyward.
186
00:07:30,291 --> 00:07:32,125
Ah...!
(blows whistle)
187
00:07:32,125 --> 00:07:34,208
Napoleon, in my office! Now!
188
00:07:34,208 --> 00:07:36,583
No. Why don't you go
tomyoffice?
189
00:07:36,583 --> 00:07:37,875
You don't have an office.
190
00:07:38,209 --> 00:07:39,875
Fine!
We'll use yours!
191
00:07:40,209 --> 00:07:42,209
(growling)
192
00:07:45,625 --> 00:07:46,875
Napoleon, I cannot
believe what I witnessed
193
00:07:47,209 --> 00:07:48,625
from you out on
the field today.
194
00:07:48,625 --> 00:07:50,834
Sorry...
I've never seen
anything like it.
195
00:07:50,834 --> 00:07:52,667
Have you ever heard
of the PPC?
196
00:07:52,667 --> 00:07:54,375
The Preston Pediatric Coalition?
197
00:07:54,375 --> 00:07:55,875
Of course!
198
00:07:55,875 --> 00:07:57,667
They paid for
my brother's polio shoes.
199
00:07:57,667 --> 00:07:59,500
No, no, no.
200
00:07:59,500 --> 00:08:01,834
I'm talking about the original
PPC: The Pioneer Punch Club.
201
00:08:01,834 --> 00:08:04,458
The Pioneer Punch Club?
What's that?
202
00:08:04,458 --> 00:08:06,458
It's a secret underground
fight circuit
203
00:08:06,458 --> 00:08:08,458
that dates back
to pioneer times.
204
00:08:08,458 --> 00:08:10,458
You see, before
the West was won...
205
00:08:10,458 --> 00:08:12,875
local farm boys were constantly
having to defend themselves
206
00:08:13,209 --> 00:08:16,291
against grizz, river trash,
and pageant carnies.
207
00:08:16,291 --> 00:08:17,583
(roaring)
208
00:08:22,041 --> 00:08:24,667
PRATT:
They began to test their combat
skills every Tuesday night.
209
00:08:26,875 --> 00:08:29,917
But twenty years ago,
the PPC was officially banned
210
00:08:30,000 --> 00:08:31,667
by the Idaho State Legislature.
211
00:08:31,667 --> 00:08:33,875
So now the fights are held
on Wednesday nights instead.
212
00:08:34,209 --> 00:08:36,208
So you want me to go
back in time 20 years
213
00:08:36,208 --> 00:08:38,208
and kill the Idaho
State Legislature?
214
00:08:38,208 --> 00:08:39,792
What? No!
215
00:08:39,792 --> 00:08:42,208
Napoleon, I'm convinced
that you could become
216
00:08:42,208 --> 00:08:44,917
the next PPC champion.
Really?
217
00:08:44,917 --> 00:08:47,708
I'm willing to bet my entire
salary as a gym coach.
218
00:08:47,708 --> 00:08:50,708
That's like $6,000!
I wish.
219
00:08:50,708 --> 00:08:52,708
(music playing)
220
00:08:52,708 --> 00:08:55,291
I've seen them 137 times
221
00:08:55,291 --> 00:08:57,208
and they've never
played a bad show.
222
00:08:57,208 --> 00:08:59,250
♪ Takin' care of pizza ♪
223
00:08:59,250 --> 00:09:00,708
♪Every day♪
224
00:09:00,708 --> 00:09:02,875
♪ Takin' care of pizza ♪
225
00:09:03,209 --> 00:09:04,542
♪Every way♪
226
00:09:04,542 --> 00:09:06,667
♪ Garlic balls are steamy ♪
227
00:09:06,667 --> 00:09:08,000
♪It's all right♪
228
00:09:08,000 --> 00:09:10,542
♪ Alfredo, nice and creamy ♪
229
00:09:10,542 --> 00:09:13,375
♪Every night!♪
230
00:09:13,375 --> 00:09:14,375
Yeah!
231
00:09:14,375 --> 00:09:15,375
Thank you!
232
00:09:15,375 --> 00:09:16,542
We're gonna take a break.
233
00:09:18,500 --> 00:09:20,500
Oh. Animals are amazing.
234
00:09:20,500 --> 00:09:22,041
I'll burn you
some of their CDs
235
00:09:22,041 --> 00:09:23,708
if you can loan
me some blanks.
236
00:09:23,708 --> 00:09:25,083
You would do
that for me?
237
00:09:25,083 --> 00:09:27,708
Wow, has anybody ever told
you how sweet you are?
238
00:09:27,708 --> 00:09:30,208
My virtual pets
say it all the time.
239
00:09:30,208 --> 00:09:31,708
You know, the last time
240
00:09:31,708 --> 00:09:33,291
a guy took me to a restaurant,
he robbed it.
241
00:09:33,291 --> 00:09:34,917
Misty, it sounds like
you've been rolling
242
00:09:34,917 --> 00:09:36,625
with the wrong dudes.
243
00:09:36,625 --> 00:09:39,250
Yeah, normally I'm attracted
to inmates and gym rats,
244
00:09:39,250 --> 00:09:40,583
but you're not like those men.
245
00:09:40,583 --> 00:09:42,250
You're not like any man at all.
246
00:09:42,250 --> 00:09:44,583
You know I'm not.
247
00:09:44,583 --> 00:09:47,125
I don't get it, Pedro.
248
00:09:47,125 --> 00:09:49,583
According to the map,
the Pioneer Punch Club
249
00:09:49,583 --> 00:09:50,917
is supposed to
be right here.
250
00:09:50,917 --> 00:09:52,917
Maybe it is
just a legend.
251
00:09:52,917 --> 00:09:54,417
(man yelling)
252
00:09:54,417 --> 00:09:55,917
(thud)
253
00:09:58,750 --> 00:10:00,750
NAPOLEON AND PEDRO: Ohh...
254
00:10:00,750 --> 00:10:02,458
(men yelling and grunting)
255
00:10:03,625 --> 00:10:05,959
♪ ♪
256
00:10:11,000 --> 00:10:13,000
(pig snorting)
257
00:10:15,500 --> 00:10:17,208
What do you know?
258
00:10:17,208 --> 00:10:20,208
If it isn't Tinkerbell and
his girlfriend, Taco Bell!
259
00:10:20,208 --> 00:10:22,166
You have 32 seconds to tell me
260
00:10:22,166 --> 00:10:23,834
what you're doing
on this property.
261
00:10:23,834 --> 00:10:26,208
Coach Pratt sent me.
Coach Pratt?
262
00:10:26,208 --> 00:10:27,917
I owe that man my life.
263
00:10:28,000 --> 00:10:29,500
Before he found me,
264
00:10:29,500 --> 00:10:31,875
I was just a skinny kid
obsessed with college.
265
00:10:31,875 --> 00:10:34,417
And I was just a lonely girl
wandering Chernobyl.
266
00:10:34,417 --> 00:10:36,417
(primal roar)
267
00:10:37,333 --> 00:10:39,875
So who do I fight first? You?
268
00:10:39,875 --> 00:10:41,500
In your dreams!
269
00:10:41,500 --> 00:10:44,000
We have a distinct
pecking order here at the PPC.
270
00:10:44,083 --> 00:10:46,000
This here's
the Rainbow Trout division.
271
00:10:46,125 --> 00:10:48,291
Duck. Duck. Duck.
272
00:10:48,291 --> 00:10:49,291
Goose!
273
00:10:49,291 --> 00:10:50,417
(crying)
274
00:10:50,417 --> 00:10:52,000
Don't cry, Timmy!
275
00:10:52,083 --> 00:10:54,542
Don't you dare cry!
276
00:10:55,625 --> 00:10:57,542
Over there we have
our Cougar Pups
277
00:10:57,542 --> 00:10:59,041
trying to survive
the Corn Cob Cannon.
278
00:11:01,458 --> 00:11:02,917
Ah! My leg is broke!
279
00:11:03,000 --> 00:11:05,000
Walk it off, Greg.
Walk it off.
280
00:11:06,291 --> 00:11:09,333
Finally, we have
our Badger Studs.
281
00:11:09,333 --> 00:11:12,333
They are the true warriors
of the PPC.
282
00:11:12,333 --> 00:11:14,375
Nipple twist!
Reverse!
283
00:11:14,375 --> 00:11:16,291
(groans)
284
00:11:18,250 --> 00:11:19,875
What's that over there?
285
00:11:19,875 --> 00:11:22,083
I'll answer that question
in seven years...
286
00:11:22,083 --> 00:11:23,375
when you're ready.
287
00:11:23,375 --> 00:11:24,875
Come on. Tell me.
288
00:11:24,875 --> 00:11:27,917
Oh, all right.
That's the Thundercone.
289
00:11:27,917 --> 00:11:29,166
(thunder rumbling)
290
00:11:30,166 --> 00:11:31,583
I've heard people die there,
291
00:11:31,583 --> 00:11:32,583
like, 20 times a day.
292
00:11:32,583 --> 00:11:33,792
Sweet!
293
00:11:34,834 --> 00:11:36,917
(grunts) Ow!
294
00:11:36,917 --> 00:11:38,834
Not so fast!
Anyone who wants to compete
295
00:11:38,834 --> 00:11:41,625
in the Thundercone has
to beat my Badger Studs.
296
00:11:41,625 --> 00:11:43,208
(gasps)
297
00:11:43,959 --> 00:11:45,458
Let's do this.
298
00:11:53,542 --> 00:11:55,166
Please, I have a daughter.
299
00:11:55,166 --> 00:11:58,875
Then go to her and tell her
who spared your life this day.
300
00:11:58,875 --> 00:12:00,875
Well done, Dynamite!
301
00:12:00,875 --> 00:12:02,542
We'll see you
next week...
302
00:12:02,542 --> 00:12:04,083
in the Cone!
The what?
303
00:12:04,083 --> 00:12:06,875
The cone!
The big thing on the hill.
304
00:12:06,875 --> 00:12:08,667
We've been through this.
305
00:12:08,667 --> 00:12:11,417
Oh, right.
It's all I ever wanted.
306
00:12:11,417 --> 00:12:15,125
(to the tune of
"Takin' Care of Business"):
♪ If you ever get displeased ♪
307
00:12:15,125 --> 00:12:16,375
♪ Check our crust,
it's filled with cheese ♪
308
00:12:16,375 --> 00:12:20,375
♪ We're killing you
with every bite ♪
309
00:12:20,375 --> 00:12:24,792
♪ Takin' care of pizza
every day. ♪
310
00:12:24,792 --> 00:12:27,166
Now you can rock out
to the Goof Nutz Band
311
00:12:27,166 --> 00:12:28,542
any time you want.
312
00:12:28,542 --> 00:12:30,333
Oh, Kip, I don't know
what to say.
313
00:12:30,333 --> 00:12:32,458
My heart is racing
so fast right now.
314
00:12:32,458 --> 00:12:35,708
(gasps) Oh, that
does feel fast.
315
00:12:35,708 --> 00:12:37,667
Can you wait right here
for a second?
316
00:12:37,667 --> 00:12:39,959
(grunting):
One, two...
317
00:12:40,041 --> 00:12:41,500
three.
318
00:12:41,500 --> 00:12:43,959
One, two...
319
00:12:43,959 --> 00:12:44,959
(grunts)
320
00:12:44,959 --> 00:12:47,333
Ah...
321
00:12:47,333 --> 00:12:49,500
Grandma, I need two things
from you.
322
00:12:49,500 --> 00:12:51,250
First, please put on a robe.
323
00:12:51,250 --> 00:12:52,959
Second, I'd like you
to meet the girl
324
00:12:53,041 --> 00:12:54,291
that you and I are going
325
00:12:54,291 --> 00:12:55,959
to spend the rest
of our lives with.
326
00:12:56,041 --> 00:13:00,208
Okay, this one better not be
made of pipe cleaners, Kip.
327
00:13:00,208 --> 00:13:02,208
Grandma, here's the cowgirl
328
00:13:02,208 --> 00:13:05,291
who finally tamed
this wild stallion.
329
00:13:05,291 --> 00:13:06,792
Misty? Misty?
330
00:13:06,792 --> 00:13:09,375
Are you playing
a lover's prank?
331
00:13:09,375 --> 00:13:10,875
(gasps)
332
00:13:11,209 --> 00:13:14,458
One, two, three...
333
00:13:14,458 --> 00:13:15,625
Oh...
334
00:13:15,625 --> 00:13:16,667
Sorry, Kipper.
335
00:13:16,667 --> 00:13:18,375
I'll go warm up
some milk
336
00:13:18,375 --> 00:13:19,875
and fluff up
your crying pillow.
337
00:13:19,875 --> 00:13:21,250
Not this time,
Grandma.
338
00:13:21,250 --> 00:13:22,708
Not this time.
339
00:13:24,667 --> 00:13:26,500
Except for the milk.
340
00:13:26,500 --> 00:13:28,208
(grunting)
341
00:13:28,208 --> 00:13:30,208
I love the smell of B.O.
342
00:13:30,208 --> 00:13:31,708
I hope
that doesn't sound weird.
343
00:13:31,708 --> 00:13:35,125
(bleating):
One, two, three.
344
00:13:35,125 --> 00:13:36,375
(door shuts)
345
00:13:36,375 --> 00:13:38,542
Misty, is he bothering you?
346
00:13:38,542 --> 00:13:40,959
Relax, Kip.
All I'm doing is watching
347
00:13:40,959 --> 00:13:42,375
your bad boy brother train
348
00:13:42,375 --> 00:13:43,750
for his dangerous,
underground fight club.
349
00:13:43,750 --> 00:13:45,375
He's not in a fight club.
350
00:13:45,375 --> 00:13:46,625
Oh, yeah?
351
00:13:46,625 --> 00:13:49,375
How do you explain
this sweet temporary tat?
352
00:13:49,375 --> 00:13:51,708
(gasps) I love tats!
353
00:13:51,708 --> 00:13:53,417
Pioneer Punch Club?
354
00:13:53,417 --> 00:13:55,917
But that's for real toughies.
How did you get in?
355
00:13:55,917 --> 00:13:58,000
By being my normal,
bad "A" self.
356
00:13:58,083 --> 00:13:59,959
You are a bad "A."
357
00:13:59,959 --> 00:14:01,834
Napoleon, get your hands
off my lady.
358
00:14:01,834 --> 00:14:03,166
I don't want
your sick woman,
359
00:14:03,166 --> 00:14:04,834
but I could take her
if I wanted.
360
00:14:04,834 --> 00:14:06,166
He's right, Kip,
he could.
361
00:14:06,166 --> 00:14:08,166
But I thought
we were getting engaged.
362
00:14:08,166 --> 00:14:10,834
I did, too, I'm not
over bad boys yet.
363
00:14:10,834 --> 00:14:12,250
But he's not a bad boy.
364
00:14:12,250 --> 00:14:14,208
He's friendly to all
who know him.
365
00:14:14,208 --> 00:14:15,875
That does it, Kip!
366
00:14:15,875 --> 00:14:17,875
You've been taking things
from me my whole life.
367
00:14:17,875 --> 00:14:19,875
You took my chicken, now
I'm taking your chick.
368
00:14:20,209 --> 00:14:22,458
So say good-bye to the only
woman that you've ever loved.
369
00:14:22,458 --> 00:14:24,291
Grandma's not going
anywhere.
370
00:14:24,291 --> 00:14:26,625
She's inside, airing out
in her bra and jeans.
371
00:14:26,625 --> 00:14:28,125
Not her.
372
00:14:28,125 --> 00:14:29,333
Her! (snaps fingers)
373
00:14:29,333 --> 00:14:30,417
Whoo! (laughs)
374
00:14:30,417 --> 00:14:31,917
Here, could you
replace this
375
00:14:31,917 --> 00:14:33,959
with some songs that
Napoleon likes?
376
00:14:33,959 --> 00:14:34,959
What? Misty!
377
00:14:35,166 --> 00:14:36,291
No!
378
00:14:36,291 --> 00:14:37,917
Out of my way, fence!
379
00:14:37,917 --> 00:14:39,166
(grunts)
380
00:14:39,166 --> 00:14:40,917
Oh, kick
something else!
381
00:14:43,083 --> 00:14:46,500
(sadly):
♪ Taking care of pizza ♪
382
00:14:46,500 --> 00:14:48,583
♪ Every day... ♪
383
00:14:50,333 --> 00:14:52,792
"Unbridled rage"?
384
00:14:52,792 --> 00:14:54,875
Well, that's illuminating.
385
00:14:55,000 --> 00:14:56,917
Hey, Kip, you should see
the girl
386
00:14:56,917 --> 00:14:58,291
Napoleon's running
around with.
387
00:14:58,291 --> 00:15:00,083
You'd love her!
388
00:15:04,625 --> 00:15:06,542
(banging, clattering)
389
00:15:06,542 --> 00:15:08,166
Pedro, I can't find my
Rack-U-Tane anywhere.
390
00:15:08,166 --> 00:15:10,250
There's no way I can
fight without it.
391
00:15:10,250 --> 00:15:12,625
Oh, well, at least
your skin is clear.
392
00:15:12,625 --> 00:15:15,417
What are you still
doing here, Napoleon?
393
00:15:15,417 --> 00:15:16,875
I thought you had a big fight
394
00:15:16,875 --> 00:15:18,667
to impress the woman
you stole from me.
395
00:15:18,667 --> 00:15:19,917
She has a name, Kip.
396
00:15:19,917 --> 00:15:21,458
I just don't know
what it is.
397
00:15:21,458 --> 00:15:22,917
(doorbell rings)
398
00:15:23,000 --> 00:15:26,166
Oh, that must be the ride
I arranged for you.
399
00:15:26,166 --> 00:15:27,708
REX:
Dynamite,
where are you?!
400
00:15:27,708 --> 00:15:29,375
Oh, man, it's Rex!
401
00:15:29,375 --> 00:15:32,083
Pedro, tell him
I have diarrhea!
402
00:15:32,083 --> 00:15:34,792
He's right here, Rex,
hiding under his bed.
403
00:15:34,792 --> 00:15:36,875
Kip, shut up!
(gasps)
404
00:15:36,875 --> 00:15:39,917
Nobody turns their back
on the Thundercone!
405
00:15:39,917 --> 00:15:42,417
You're gonna fight
whether you want to or not!
406
00:15:42,417 --> 00:15:43,375
(gasps)
407
00:15:43,375 --> 00:15:45,917
Be careful, he has diarrhea.
408
00:15:48,834 --> 00:15:51,458
RICO:
So, who's fighting
tonight, Carlinda?
409
00:15:51,458 --> 00:15:53,667
Don't know, don't care,
410
00:15:53,667 --> 00:15:56,834
as long as men
are hurting and
blood's a-spurting!
411
00:15:56,834 --> 00:15:58,792
(beans rattling in can)
412
00:15:58,792 --> 00:16:00,667
(chanting):
Frijoles Santos!
413
00:16:00,667 --> 00:16:03,166
Diganme la futura
de mi amigo Napoleon!
414
00:16:04,583 --> 00:16:06,083
What do the beans say?
415
00:16:08,291 --> 00:16:10,125
It's not really specific.
416
00:16:10,125 --> 00:16:11,125
(camera snapping)
417
00:16:11,125 --> 00:16:12,917
Deb, what are you doing here?
418
00:16:12,917 --> 00:16:14,750
I take pictures for
the Thundercone newsletter
419
00:16:14,750 --> 00:16:17,458
and the Thundercone blog.
420
00:16:17,458 --> 00:16:19,875
Geez, the Thundercone is like
the worst-kept secret ever!
421
00:16:20,209 --> 00:16:22,375
(crowd jeering)
422
00:16:24,708 --> 00:16:31,708
♪ O Thundercone, O Thunder,
Thundercone! ♪
423
00:16:34,708 --> 00:16:36,375
Napoleon, wait!
I have something for you.
424
00:16:36,375 --> 00:16:37,834
It's a short story I wrote,
425
00:16:37,834 --> 00:16:39,083
but you don't have
to read it right now.
426
00:16:39,083 --> 00:16:40,625
I can tell you this much,
427
00:16:40,625 --> 00:16:42,917
you shouldn't have
a colon in the title.
428
00:16:43,000 --> 00:16:45,083
(grunts)
429
00:16:45,083 --> 00:16:46,333
(clanging)
430
00:16:46,333 --> 00:16:49,834
And now for the main event
of the evening,
431
00:16:49,834 --> 00:16:52,125
we bring you a bloodbath
like no other!
432
00:16:52,125 --> 00:16:53,458
(cheering)
433
00:16:53,458 --> 00:16:55,375
Hey, that's Napoleon!
434
00:16:55,375 --> 00:16:57,417
What's that idiot doing
in there?
435
00:16:57,417 --> 00:16:59,917
Entering the Thundercone
for the first time tonight is
436
00:16:59,917 --> 00:17:02,125
the Pioneer Punch
Club's new rising star...
437
00:17:02,125 --> 00:17:03,458
that annoying kid in town
438
00:17:03,458 --> 00:17:05,792
you just want to see bad stuff
happen to...
439
00:17:05,792 --> 00:17:08,834
you know him, you hate him:
Napoleon Dynamite!
440
00:17:09,167 --> 00:17:11,583
Hey, that's not the intro
I gave you!
441
00:17:11,583 --> 00:17:13,750
And now his opponent
and executioner,
442
00:17:13,750 --> 00:17:16,708
another fresh face:
The Man With No Face!
443
00:17:16,708 --> 00:17:18,542
(crowd cheers, spurs clanking)
444
00:17:18,542 --> 00:17:19,542
(gasps)
445
00:17:19,542 --> 00:17:22,417
♪ He has no face ♪
446
00:17:22,417 --> 00:17:28,875
♪ He has no face! ♪
447
00:17:29,209 --> 00:17:31,083
Spare me, Man With No Face.
448
00:17:33,125 --> 00:17:34,458
(whimpers)
449
00:17:36,500 --> 00:17:38,917
Now who's the toughie?
450
00:17:39,000 --> 00:17:41,375
Kip, you liar, you have a face!
451
00:17:41,375 --> 00:17:43,166
And I'm gonna
to freaking pound it!
452
00:17:46,250 --> 00:17:48,208
(crowd cheers)
453
00:17:48,208 --> 00:17:49,792
Kipper?!
454
00:17:49,792 --> 00:17:51,417
Aw, I've seen
these guys fight...
455
00:17:51,417 --> 00:17:53,834
every time a dang shampoo sample
comes in the mail.
456
00:17:53,834 --> 00:17:56,792
Kip, this is gonna be
the easiest fight of my life.
457
00:17:56,792 --> 00:17:58,166
Is it, Napoleon?
458
00:17:58,166 --> 00:17:59,834
You stole my Rack-U-Tane!
459
00:17:59,834 --> 00:18:01,083
You stole my Misty!
460
00:18:01,083 --> 00:18:03,250
I love when guys
fight over me.
461
00:18:03,250 --> 00:18:05,208
Yeah, me, too.
462
00:18:05,208 --> 00:18:06,542
Screw you, Kip!
463
00:18:06,542 --> 00:18:08,291
All right.
464
00:18:08,291 --> 00:18:10,750
But first, let meunscrew
the cap on this tube.
465
00:18:10,750 --> 00:18:13,500
I am so gonna apply my skills
to beat you!
466
00:18:13,500 --> 00:18:16,208
Perhaps.
Right after Iapply
467
00:18:16,208 --> 00:18:18,250
the last of this
rage cream to my face.
468
00:18:18,250 --> 00:18:20,542
Quit cleverly
twisting my words!
469
00:18:20,542 --> 00:18:22,166
Stop talking,
start punching!
470
00:18:22,166 --> 00:18:23,583
(hissing)
471
00:18:23,583 --> 00:18:25,041
(crowd cheers)
472
00:18:25,041 --> 00:18:28,917
Prepare to be humiliated
in front of Misty.
473
00:18:28,917 --> 00:18:30,375
(gasping)
474
00:18:39,000 --> 00:18:40,708
Come on. Let me murder you.
475
00:18:41,750 --> 00:18:43,834
(grunts)
476
00:18:43,834 --> 00:18:46,583
When the heck did you learn
to walk to walk on stilts?!
477
00:18:46,583 --> 00:18:49,166
The question you
should be asking is:
478
00:18:49,166 --> 00:18:52,291
"Will Kip show me mercy?"
479
00:18:52,291 --> 00:18:53,792
(grunts)
480
00:18:53,792 --> 00:18:56,125
The answer is "no."
481
00:18:56,125 --> 00:18:58,458
Punch! Punch! Punch!
482
00:18:58,458 --> 00:19:00,667
I love you now, Kip!
483
00:19:00,667 --> 00:19:03,750
(sobbing):
Why am I so crazy?
484
00:19:03,750 --> 00:19:05,708
(grunts)
485
00:19:07,542 --> 00:19:09,792
And now for a cute
little death blow
486
00:19:09,792 --> 00:19:11,458
I call "The Blood Brother."
487
00:19:11,458 --> 00:19:14,291
That's a stupid name.
Now finish me.
488
00:19:14,291 --> 00:19:16,375
(cream hisses)
489
00:19:16,375 --> 00:19:17,458
(grunts)
490
00:19:17,458 --> 00:19:19,166
Ow, my hand!
491
00:19:19,166 --> 00:19:20,458
What happened?
492
00:19:20,458 --> 00:19:22,166
Ha! The Rack-U-Tane wore off,
493
00:19:22,166 --> 00:19:24,667
so now Misty will see
who the real man is.
494
00:19:24,667 --> 00:19:26,291
Let's do this.
495
00:19:26,291 --> 00:19:27,291
(grunting)
496
00:19:30,750 --> 00:19:31,792
Quit breathing on me!
497
00:19:31,792 --> 00:19:32,625
That tickles!
498
00:19:32,625 --> 00:19:33,458
Illegal!
499
00:19:33,458 --> 00:19:34,333
I'm telling Grandma!
500
00:19:34,333 --> 00:19:36,208
Yeah, this looks familiar.
501
00:19:36,208 --> 00:19:38,041
Here comes
the hair pulling.
502
00:19:38,041 --> 00:19:39,458
BOTH:
Ow! Ow!
503
00:19:39,458 --> 00:19:41,041
Quit it!
Let go of me!
504
00:19:41,041 --> 00:19:43,250
You first!
Geez!
505
00:19:43,250 --> 00:19:45,458
These pussy willows are ruining
my show!
506
00:19:45,458 --> 00:19:47,125
(booing)
507
00:19:47,125 --> 00:19:48,542
(chain saw revving)
508
00:19:48,542 --> 00:19:50,875
Raise the cage!
509
00:19:50,875 --> 00:19:53,000
(loud clanging)
510
00:19:57,041 --> 00:19:59,792
(chewing sounds)
511
00:19:59,792 --> 00:20:01,917
Ladies and gentlemen,
I give you
512
00:20:01,917 --> 00:20:04,667
the beast of the Thundercone
and the love of my life...
513
00:20:04,667 --> 00:20:06,750
Starla!
514
00:20:06,750 --> 00:20:08,166
(primal roar)
515
00:20:08,166 --> 00:20:13,625
♪ Love of his life! ♪
516
00:20:13,625 --> 00:20:15,750
Isn't it ironic,
Napoleon?
517
00:20:15,750 --> 00:20:16,917
We've been fighting
over a woman,
518
00:20:17,000 --> 00:20:18,917
and now we're
gonna die under one.
519
00:20:19,000 --> 00:20:20,333
Don't worry, Kip.
520
00:20:20,333 --> 00:20:22,166
You'll never wind up
under a woman.
521
00:20:24,083 --> 00:20:25,583
You know what to do.
522
00:20:25,583 --> 00:20:27,291
You better
believe it, baby.
523
00:20:27,291 --> 00:20:28,542
(revving)
524
00:20:29,875 --> 00:20:30,750
Huh?
525
00:20:32,083 --> 00:20:33,667
(growling)
526
00:20:33,667 --> 00:20:34,917
Me first!
527
00:20:34,917 --> 00:20:36,542
(booing)
528
00:20:36,542 --> 00:20:37,875
Thanks, Kip.
I couldn't have
529
00:20:37,875 --> 00:20:39,333
chickened-out
with a better guy.
530
00:20:39,333 --> 00:20:40,708
Can we make up later?
531
00:20:40,708 --> 00:20:43,208
I can't run and talk
at the same time.
532
00:20:43,208 --> 00:20:44,583
(both gasp)
533
00:20:46,458 --> 00:20:47,792
(roaring)
534
00:20:47,792 --> 00:20:49,333
Kill 'em, honey bunch!
535
00:20:49,333 --> 00:20:50,875
I love you, Starla!
536
00:20:54,166 --> 00:20:57,708
♪ All that she wants is
another pizza ♪
537
00:20:57,708 --> 00:20:59,667
♪With pepperoni♪
538
00:20:59,667 --> 00:21:03,083
♪ All that she wants is
another pizza ♪
539
00:21:03,083 --> 00:21:04,458
♪Yeah-eah, yeah-eah.♪
540
00:21:04,458 --> 00:21:05,917
I used to come here
541
00:21:05,917 --> 00:21:07,458
after all
my high school football games.
542
00:21:07,458 --> 00:21:08,834
Except back then
it was a Laundromat .
543
00:21:08,834 --> 00:21:11,583
Are all their songs
about pizza?
544
00:21:11,583 --> 00:21:12,959
Pizza-ritaville's
not about pizza,
545
00:21:13,041 --> 00:21:14,500
it's about a town.
546
00:21:14,500 --> 00:21:15,834
I think they're
from there.
547
00:21:15,834 --> 00:21:17,125
They're not from
anywhere, idiot.
548
00:21:17,125 --> 00:21:18,375
They're fake.
549
00:21:18,375 --> 00:21:19,750
Thank you!
Good night!
550
00:21:19,750 --> 00:21:21,417
(equipment powers down)
551
00:21:21,417 --> 00:21:23,000
See?
552
00:21:23,917 --> 00:21:26,625
Always good to see you, Kip.
553
00:21:28,166 --> 00:21:30,291
Told ya!
35151
Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.
Afrikaans
Akan
Albanian
Amharic
Armenian
Azerbaijani
Basque
Belarusian
Bemba
Bengali
Bihari
Bosnian
Breton
Bulgarian
Cambodian
Catalan
Cebuano
Cherokee
Chichewa
Chinese (Simplified)
Chinese (Traditional)
Corsican
Croatian
Czech
Danish
Dutch
English
Esperanto
Estonian
Faroese
Finnish
Galician
Georgian
German
Greek
Guarani
Haitian Creole
Hausa
Hawaiian
Hebrew
Hmong
Hungarian
Icelandic
Indonesian
Irish
Italian
Japanese
Kazakh
Kinyarwanda
Kirundi
Kongo
Korean
Krio (Sierra Leone)
Kurdish
Kyrgyz
Laothian
Latin
Latvian
Lithuanian
Luganda
Luo
Luxembourgish
Macedonian
Malagasy
Malay
Maltese
Maori
Mauritian Creole
Moldavian
Mongolian
Myanmar (Burmese)
Montenegrin
Nepali
Norwegian
Pashto
Persian
Polish
Portuguese (Brazil)
Portuguese (Portugal)
Quechua
Romanian
Romansh
Russian
Samoan
Scots Gaelic
Serbian
Sesotho
Setswana
Seychellois Creole
Shona
Sindhi
Sinhalese
Slovak
Slovenian
Somali
Spanish
Swedish
Tajik
Thai
Tigrinya
Tonga
Turkish
Turkmen
Ukrainian
Uzbek
Vietnamese
Welsh
Wolof