Original subtitles

Amy, what's wrong?

I just got your text saying "Help" in all caps.

Oh, I'm gonna need you to run home and grab my math homework.

And Hartley, I'm gonna need you to do my math homework.

I am not doing your math homework.

I figured she'd say that,

which is why I already wrote my name on hers.

-Hey! -Out of my way, Mini-Madden.

Gem, I'm taller than you.

Well, I'm not updating my burns

just because you had a growth spurt.

Hey, no one talks to my brother like that

except me...

and my other brother... and my mom, and my dad.

Okay, a lot of people do, but not you.

Fine. I don't need to talk about him when I can talk about you.

Attention, everyone.

I've got some very exciting news.

As you all know, I recently started my own

online gossip channel.

Yeah, we know, and we don't care.

Well, you're gonna care.

Because during tonight's live stream,

I'm gonna drop the biggest bomb yet.

And it's all about you.

Did she just touch me? She touched me.

Hartley, she touched me!

You see, Amy's been keeping a juicy secret from everyone.

And her perfect friend Hartley has been covering for her.

But tonight, I'm gonna share video evidence

that'll expose everything and take them both down.

Hope you're ready, 'cause once word gets out,

your lives will never be the same.

Have a great day! Bye!

You don't actually think...

Gem knows I'm Havoc.

I don't get it.

What evidence could Gem have that we're villains?

Well, you do use your powers to get whatever you want,

whenever you want,

so that might have something to do with it.

Hartley, this is no time for the blame game.

Whatever, my life's over anyways.

When people find out I've been keeping your secret,

I'll be burned at the stake.

I'm a supervillain, not a witch.

No one's gonna-- Oh, wait, people do kinda hate villains.

You're right, they're gonna roast you like a marshmallow.

We have to warn your family and get you out of town.

I know you just changed your name to Amy,

but I always thought you looked like a Jennifer.

Look, will you relax?

We just have to get a hold of whatever video footage Gem has

before she drops it tonight.

Getting that evidence is gonna be impossible.

Gem keeps her gossip files on her laptop at home.

Well, then, I guess we'll just have to sneak into her house.

What? No way. I'm not doing that.

Fine. But when they burn you at the stake, I wouldn't wear that.

Looks real flammable.

Eva, you said you were making popcorn.

This is just corn. Where's the pop?

Next time, could you do that before it's in my lap?

Hey, what's with the huge box out front?

-Did you guys order something? -I didn't.

A do-it-yourself helicopter kit,

but that won't be here 'til Tuesday.

You know what this means.

If we didn't order it, then...

-Free stuff! -Free stuff!

Oh! What do you think's in there?

I don't know, but whatever it is, it's all mine.

Boo!

Oh, that was great, Celia. We really got 'em.

Jake, you knew about this?

Yup. We've been planning to scare you for weeks.

You should be happy I talked her out of using the bear traps.

I needed an inside accomplice,

and nothing makes me happier

than turning family members against each other.

That's why I've been banned from my last five family reunions.

Well, you messed with the wrong people, Celia.

Yup. That's for sure.

Because we know how to scare better than anyone.

Are you issuing me a scare challenge?

-Bring it. -Game on.

We're gonna take you and Jake down.

Watch it, shady.

You're writing a check your butt can't cash.

Which reminds me, you paid your rent with a check

my butt can't cash. Pay up.

Amy, I'm sorry, but I can't let you break into Gem's house.

I know you want that footage,

but there's got to be a less illegal way to get it.

I agree. That's why I reached out to Gem

and we talked things through.

-She agreed to give me the video. -Gem?

The same person who aggressively booped you this morning?

If you don't believe me, ask her yourself.

Hey, girls. Thanks for coming.

Gem, hi.

Wow. I guess I really misjudged you two.

-People can change. -Yep.

Whole new Gem.

I forgot my key, but my butler will let us in.

Oh, look. You're home early.

Yay.

Good to see you, too, uh...

Wallace. I'd be offended if I weren't already dead inside.

You know what, Wallace?

You do deserve better. Take the rest of the day off.

Ooh, a 364-day year.

You're too kind.

All right, let's ransack this place and find that video.

Wait, I thought you were gonna give it to us?

Oh, I'm not Gem.

But like you said, people can change.

Colby!

Okay, the next time one of you uses a power to trick me,

I'm gonna... fume over it quietly,

but at least you'll know I'm really mad!

Sorry, but any chance I get to be a villain, I'm taking it.

I even wore my flash-form underwear

just so I could feel the part.

Look, we had to do this.

Would you rather my secret be exposed

and we never see each other again?

Of course not.

I just wish you would've told me before you tricked me.

Yeah, I don't think you get how the whole trick thing works.

Come on, we only have an hour

until Gem's back from her mani-pedi.

How do you know that?

Oh, because I broke into her phone.

After I broke into her locker.

You're fuming quietly, aren't you?

Let's just make this quick.

You heard her, Colby.

-Got it. -How do you know it's hers?

It's hers. Let's go.

Hello?

Wallace, you know I don't do doorknobs!

It's Gem. How is she back so soon?

That was only enough time for a mani or a pedi, not both.

Oh, what, just because I'm a villain,

I have to let my cuticles run wild?

Hide.

Wallace, where are you?

It's snack time, and I need you to peel

the fuzzy part off my kiwis.

Let's get out of here before she makes him baby-bird it to her.

Call butler.

Ugh! Why are kiwis so hard to peel?

You're gonna eat that?

What? I like a hairy fruit.

Gem just went in the other room.

Now's our chance to get out of here.

Let's go.

Let's not go.

Miss Gem, I'm back.

I see you've already scuffed up my nice, clean floors

with your overpriced chunky shoes.

Wallace, where have you been?

Enjoying life.

I can't spend all my time spritzing your closet

with Ariana Grande perfume.

Who said you could take today off?

You did, when I let you and your two friends in earlier.

Uh-oh.

What two friends?

You know I only have one.

And she lives in the mirror.

I'm surprised her reflection can stand her.

I'm surprised she has a reflection.

Whatever. Have you seen my laptop?

It was in my room and now it's gone.

How am I supposed to ruin someone's life

if I don't have my laptop?

Well, if it makes you feel any better,

you're ruining mine right now.

Don't worry, I set up locators on everything you own.

Just tap the laptop locator on the app.

Locator? Oh, no.

You know, for someone who hates his job, he's really good at it.

Ah, the simple things.

A sunny day, tall decaf mocha,

two pumps of agave, light on the oat milk,

three ice cubes and a dash of nutmeg.

Jake.

Jake!

Dicky Spooks?

That's right.

Your scariest childhood toy is back.

You wanna play?

But I thought Mom threw you away.

Oh, she did, but I spent the last ten years

crawling my way out of the trash heap with my tiny doll hands.

Now come give Dicky a hug!

Hey, who's winning the scare challenge now?

I told you I could make a new Dicky Spooks.

I still feel bad about giving our five-year-old son a doll

possessed by an evil spirit,

but non-possessed dolls are so expensive.

Wait, did you know Jake could jump that high?

Well, now that you mention it, I did not.

Look at him go! Ha!

All that adrenaline from the scare must've gone to his legs

and made his super-strength react.

Oh, well, that's fun.

-Yoo-hoo! -What? Celia.

Staring at the sun, huh? Keep going.

When you feel a burning sensation

in the back of your eyeballs, just push through it.

Here.

I felt bad about scaring you,

so I came to offer a token of my apology.

Nice try, but we weren't born yesterday.

This is clearly a snake disguised as a plant!

Nope, it's just a plant.

That cost me 30 bucks.

Now I'm getting a snake.

Hey, wait, so you really were being genuine?

Yes.

So, what do you say?

No more scares?

No more scares.

Good.

What the...?

What's wrong? Can't find the locator app?

Of course I can.

But first I have to post my hourly selfie.

Well, back up.

I don't want your old on my socials.

You're the reason I look like this.

Okay, now I'll turn on the locator app.

Amy, we have to do something.

Any second the laptop is gonna--

Oh! Do that.

She probably can't even tell where it's coming from.

It sounds like it's coming from under the table.

What? I said probably.

Well, I didn't put it there.

You must have moved it.

Oh, I assure you, when I snap,

I'm gonna do a lot more than move your laptop.

Oh, that's it. We're dead.

Colby, do something.

Wait, now it's coming from over there.

You've just been saved by my kinetic manipulation.

Twenty percent gratuity is standard these days.

Ow!

Wait, now it's coming from over here.

Are you playing a trick on me?

Yes, it's that old trick where I wait on you hand and foot

your entire life, and then move your laptop around.

What was that?

-What are you doing here? -Well, isn't it obvious?

We're hiding and eating hairy fruit.

You broke into my house?

That's what I get for being a celebrity.

Okay, just because you did background work

in a local mattress commercial, doesn't make you a celebrity.

And just to be clear, we didn't break in.

Your butler let us in.

Ha! You can't arrest someone for that, right?

Right?

Someone answer me!

You let them in?

Yes, because you told me to.

How is that possible?

When I got home you weren't even here.

So typical

You know, I think I will take the rest of the day off.

I'm due for some self-care.

My job does not define me. My job does not define me.

Wallace out.

I know why you're here.

You're trying to steal my evidence

so I can't expose your secret.

Well, joke's on you.

You know, I was gonna go live tonight,

but why wait when I can do it right now?

Gem, please don't do this.

It's one thing to be mean to people,

but do you really want to ruin someone's life?

Uh, yeah.

Really? 'Cause I'm pretty sure I remember you being

on the receiving end of it and not liking it too much.

What are you talking about?

Ten years ago?

Your first Little Miss Valley View pageant?

You were there for that?

Whatever she's about to say, it never happened.

And yet I'm all ears.

Oh, it definitely happened.

And I saw the whole thing.

Your mom made you wear a feathery yellow dress.

And one of the other contestants

changed your sash to say "Big Bird."

Big Bird! That's great.

But mean, very mean.

Go on, Hartley.

Everyone laughed and you took it so hard,

you dropped out of the pageant and ran home crying.

Wrong!

I left because my mascara was running.

Yeah, 'cause what six-year-old hasn't had that happen?

And that's when everything about you changed.

The way you dressed, the way you acted,

the way you treated people.

I don't get it.

If that girl was so mean to you,

then why are you mean to everyone else?

'Cause she knows if she hurts people first,

they can't hurt her.

Right?

Oh, so now Chunky Boots Magoo is gonna school me on life?

You know nothing about me. My life is fine.

It's yours that's about to be destroyed.

Yeah? Well, not if I have anything to do with it.

-Give it to me. It's mine! -No.

Give it back. You don't want to pick a fight with me!

Never!

I'm sorry, I forgot my...

I don't know what's going on,

but I'm rooting for the one who's not Gem.

-Give it to me! -No!

I can't believe I put Celia in the hospital.

Oh, I just hope she's okay.

She's gonna be so mad at us.

Not necessarily.

I made her a get-well card that says

"Hope you're feeling better by next fall."

-Get it? Next fall? -Oh.

She's gonna come after me first, isn't she?

Well, she'd better, I'm counting on that

to give me time to get away.

Look, I'm sure Celia's fine.

She's probably just got a little banged up.

Yoo-hoo.

-Celia? -What's left of me.

You poor thing!

Are you okay?

-We feel horrible. -Is there anything we can do?

Actually, yeah.

I told the doctor that I have a nice family

that can take care of me.

Great. Well, you just tell us where they live

and we'll roll you right on over.

I think she's talking about us. Am I right?

You can tell me I'm wrong.

Please tell me I'm wrong.

Of course I'm talking about you.

You did this to me,

so you're gonna nurse me back to health.

Well, how long are we talking?

Six months till I'm out of this cast.

Then there's the skin grafts, the spinal taps.

It's gonna be a long, painful winter.

That reminds me, which one of you is on bedpan duty?

-Jake! -Jake!

You wanted to be a good person. Knock yourself out.

I will turn all of you in.

Celia, will you excuse us?

What are we gonna do?

We have no choice.

Our son did this to her,

and so we have to help take care of her.

Friendly reminder, if you hadn't scared your son,

this never would've happened.

Sorry, I can't yell or my ribs will collapse into my diaphragm.

Could you roll me to the couch?

Or as I like to call it, my new home.

Uh, sure.

Ah!

Gotcha!

Ooh, you should've seen your faces.

Ah! Ah!

Wait a minute, so you played us?

Yep. I'm fine.

I had the EMTs say we were going to the hospital,

but we actually went for pizza.

Just don't tell anyone.

They missed a few calls.

I can't believe you!

Seriously, Celia, we really thought you were hurt.

Well, it serves you right.

You were so desperate to win the challenge,

you had Jake jump off of the roof to scare me.

Oh, no, actually they scared me so bad

all the adrenaline rushed to my feet and my...

Yup, you're right. I jumped off the roof.

Get your hands off my laptop.

Your giant thumbs are crinkling my sticker faces.

Gem, I know you don't like me, but please don't do this.

It's gonna cause more damage than you can possibly imagine.

Yeah. Amy's my best friend,

and if you reveal her secret I may never see her again.

And if you show this video,

you could destroy our whole family.

Well, that's Amy's fault, not mine.

She should have thought about that

when she became a hypnotist.

What?

Hypnotist?

Yeah, that's right. I know your secret.

I overheard you two talking at the round-up

about "sonic hypnosis."

-Oh. -Oh.

Wait, what did you think I was talking about?

That.

You got me. I'm a hypnotist.

I'm just inching my way towards close-up magic.

Wait, then what video evidence are you fighting over?

Evidence that she's been hypnotizing people

into giving her what she wants.

Oh, no. Don't show people that.

Two days ago, when the lunch lady told you

she was out of chicken parm,

you stared her down with your little...hypno-eyes.

That's not what we call them in the hypnosis community,

but continue.

Once you had her in your trance,

the lunch lady said to take hers.

And Gladys never shares with anyone.

Not true, she once shared a very long story

about her varicose veins.

Just what you want to hear before eating spaghetti.

Wait, we went through all this,

and you don't even know that Amy's a--

Hartley! You're getting very sleepy.

Look into my eyes and shut it.

Luckily, I recorded the whole thing.

Now everyone will know you've been hypnotizing your way

around school with Hartley by your side.

Busted!

Now gimme!

Gem, look out!

What just happened?

How did that not hit me?

Uh, it must have broken on the way down.

Wow, was that lucky.

Uh, yeah.

Clearly the universe was looking out for you,

so, uh, maybe you should take some of that good fortune

and send it back out into the world.

What?

None of those words make any sense to me.

She's saying to be nicer to people.

Oh!

Well, I mean, I was just given a second chance.

Maybe you should get one too.

Okay, I won't ruin your life.

Oh, are you sure?

I mean, my hypnotist secret is so shameful.

Well, I mean, you're not gonna tell anyone

about the pageant thing, right?

Of course not.

Thanks.

And just for the record, my mattress commercial

was shown in three different counties.

Got it.

I have to say, I'm really impressed.

You actually saved your enemy's life.

Eh, I was really just saving Wallace

from having to mop up the aftermath.

Oh. Hi, Gem.

Good morning.

Wow, I'm really nailing

this not-being-mean thing.

I guess you were right.

I can be a nicer person.

All you said was "good morning."

I know.

Look at me turning over a new leaf.

Well, I'm proud of you.

You know how you could really blossom?

By joining the Sunshine Club!

And just like that, I'm done.

You know, she's starting to grow on me.