Original subtitles

Guys, I have amazing news.

-Your hair. -No.

That's just the result of one of Dad's experiments gone wrong.

It should be back to normal in about an hour.

Right, Dad?

Sure.

The important thing is now we know

that a child's head can withstand a lightning bolt.

Guys, I have amazing news.

-Me too. -Your hair.

It's not my hair.

Anyways, Mary Stephens is coming to town this weekend.

-No way. -Yes!

-The Mary Stephens? -Yes!

-I have no idea who that is. -Me neither.

She's only the founder of the very first Sunshine Club.

Mm, too bad she wasn't the very last.

Every year, Mary does a nationwide search

for Sunshine Club President of the Year.

And this year, I'm one of the top three finalists.

Take that, Linda Shermahorn of Chapter 247.

-Okay, time for my news. -In a minute, blondie.

I've tried every year to be nominated for this award,

but being top three isn't good enough.

I have to win.

So I'm going to make

her visit to Valley View absolutely perfect.

Aw, I wish I could get excited about something so simple.

But, you know, super computer brain.

It's a real burden.

Seriously? This morning, you squealed and clapped your hands at a donut.

Jake, what have I told you about spying on Daddy during donut time?

Okay, that's it. I'm telling my news.

The Chosen One has a new power.

Transference.

It's pretty cool. Check it out.

Colby, give me invisibility.

Why gladly, old man.

-Whoa. -No way.

All I have to do is think of one of my powers,

then fist-bump it to whoever I want.

Then to get it back, the person just fist-bumps me.

Glad that worked.

I did not know where my fist was.

Ooh! Ooh! Ooh! I want one.

Um, give me kinetic manipulation.

Amy, stop!

You're right. Why would I want you closer to me?

I've had my fill.

The only downside is that when someone else

has one of my powers, I can't use it.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. My turn. Give me shape-shifting.

Okay.

Hartley, get over here and rub my bunions.

Glad you all find my trauma so amusing.

Hartley, I got your text. What's the emergency?

Mary Stephens will be here in less than five hours,

and I don't have anyone to help me decorate.

Again, what's the emergency?

And where's the rest of the Sunshine Club?

Isn't helping kind of their whole thing?

They're in time-out because they couldn't follow

my simple decorating instructions.

Sorry, but if you can't make 72 sunshine faces

in less than five minutes, what are we even doing?

Hartley, I know today means a lot to you,

but I think you're being a little too intense with the preparations.

Do you want a time-out, too?

How about you put us both in a time-out

and you can go find your happy place.

Mary's visit has to be perfect

so I can grind those other two Sunshine Club presidents into the ground.

They will bow down to my pleasant attitude.

Okay, I like the frightening energy,

but why is winning this thing so important to you?

Because if I don't win this, I might as well just throw away my entire lifelong to-do list.

See? Right here.

Once I win, I put it on my college application.

Then I'll get into a perfect school where I'll get straight A's,

and then law schools will call, saying,

"Hi, Hartley, we want to take you out

to a steak dinner and give you a scholarship."

-And then I'll-- -Hartley!

We got it. And we got it. And we got it!

Ugh! I'm running out of time!

There's no way I can get all of this stuff done

before Mary gets here.

Maybe not.

But I can.

Just tell me what to do and I'll use my super speed.

This place will be done in seconds.

Colby, that's genius.

Here's the list.

And done. How's it look?

-Amazing. -Horrible!

Look, I appreciate the effort, but it's all wrong.

The banners are crooked, the napkin swans look like ducks

and none of the streamers have the proper dip.

It looks like a rush job.

It was a rush job.

I should've known there's no shortcuts to success.

Look, Hartley, we're not gonna let you down.

We'll just decorate the place the right way.

The really long and incredibly annoying right way.

And by "we," she means her,

-'cause I'm going home. -Home?

As in the one we share?

Where I can make your entire existence a living nightmare?

On second thought, I hate home. Let's decorate a school.

What's that?

One of the perks of us going back to Centropolis.

I was able to bring back some of our old stuff from the lair.

Oh, look! Look at this picture of little Jake.

So glad you grew out of your awkward phase.

That's Amy.

Oh, well... hopefully you're a late bloomer.

Man, look at all this loot we scored back then.

Almost as if being a villain was far more rewarding than our current lives.

Oh!

My purple diamond!

I have been looking everywhere for this!

This is my most prized possession.

Mostly because it was once someone else's prized possession.

Eva, do you have any idea what I went through to swipe that for you?

And you just threw it in a box?

To be fair, I was trying to hide it where no one would look.

Along with these hideous photos of our children.

I'll put it somewhere safe.

-Oh, no. I'll hold on to that. -Oh!

Clearly you can't be trusted.

Clearly you are gonna be sleeping on the couch tonight.

Bummer.

Ah! Celia! Do you really need to burst in like that?

I could've been naked.

Are you trying to make me throw up?

No, I'm trying to make you run outside and throw up.

I just came to warn you before I steal your Wi-Fi.

Hartley said it was the "polite" thing to do.

The new season of my favorite crime podcast, Cold Trail,

drops later today, and I can barely contain myself!

Wait, you're a Traily? Me too.

Finally, something to like about one of you.

They're having a contest this season

where listeners can try to solve the cold case from home.

Whoever figures it out first gets a $50,000 reward.

-We should team up. -Fine.

As long as I get all the money.

What? Why would I agree to that?

-Ninety-ten. -Now we're talking.

Did you say the winner of this thing gets $50,000?

Jake, who better to help you solve a crime

than one of the shadiest people you know?

Yeah, that's why I picked Celia.

I'm talking about me. We'd have the clear advantage.

I think like a criminal mastermind.

Which means we'd be able to solve the cold case

before anyone and get that reward.

Would you give me more than 10%?

Well, if you're gonna be greedy about it, I'll just do it on my own.

Come on, Colby. Pick up the pace.

We only have an hour left.

Look, you either get the super-speed version,

or you get me trying to figure out how to tie a balloon.

How do you not know how to tie a balloon?

I'm a villain. The only knot we use is for tying people up.

We can try that one if you want.

Hartley, look, this is going nowhere.

I'm all about helping, but every time I do something,

you just sneak up behind me and do it over again.

That is not true.

Look, if you want it don your way,

you're the only one that can do it.

And with an hour left, that's just not possible.

-Or maybe it is. -What do you mean?

What if Colby uses his transference power to lend you his super speed?

Then you can set up the party exactly how you want in seconds.

No way. I don't want one of his freakish villain powers in me.

Sorry. Inside Hartley just spoke outside.

Well, if you don't want his super speed,

you have to settle for crooked streamers and one balloon.

Make that no balloon.

What do you say?

Do you want to turn down that make-believe steak dinner

from that make-believe law school or not?

How exactly does it work?

He just fist-bumps you and the power is yours.

Then when you're done, just fist-bump him back.

Easy peasy.

And can we hurry this up?

I've been around this Sunshine Club stuff so long

I just said "easy peasy."

And you're sure it's safe to use on a regular person like me?

-Actually-- -Of course.

Uh, but in all fairness,

after what we've witnessed today,

I think "regular person" is a bit of a stretch.

Okay, fine. I'll do it.

Just let me put this down first.

I don't think this is a good idea.

We have no clue how my power will react with her body.

She'll be fine.

Plus, it's our only way out of this mess.

- Just do it. - Fine.

All right, Colby. Give me your super speed.

Okay, now you've got it.

But I don't feel anything.

Yeah, because you're not moving.

Oh. Right.

Feeling anything now?

Great idea giving Hartley your super speed, Colby.

It wasn't my idea. It was yours.

I know. I just wanted to hear you say it out loud.

Place looks great, Hartley!

And she's gone.

And she's back.

Now that's how you tie a balloon...

or 250!

Are you really trying to flex how many balloons you can tie?

Having super speed is amazing!

Yeah, aside from that nasty collision with a pigeon,

you've really gotten the hang of it.

If you hadn't given me your power,

we never could've gotten all this done in time.

Oh, I almost forgot.

The plastic blocks!

Ta-da!

Yeah, I'm not hopping through that.

Hurry up and give me my power back

so I can go do anything else but this.

I feel so alive.

With super speed, I can do anything.

Great! And you could start by giving me my power back.

I've been so busy trying to beat

those other two Sunshine Club presidents.

With super speed, I can do the work of 20.

I can help so many more people,

and I can finish my lifelong to-do list in a week.

I'm not giving you my power for a week.

I know.

I'm keeping it forever.

Who keeps closing these doors?

Okay, so, according to the blueprint,

this represents the vault where the crime took place.

We just need to figure out how the thief got in.

Well, they clearly needed something

to blast through all that steel.

Unless they came through the air conditioning vent.

Please, no vault can be accessed through the ventilation system.

That's Vault 101.

Oh, well, excuse me for not being a vault expert.

You're not any kind of expert.

Wait, I take that back.

You're an expert at annoying people.

Maybe it's because I'm a little drained after moving all the furniture

and putting tape all over the floors twice

because someone was looking at the blueprints upside down.

Nope. Do it again. You had it right the first time.

I don't even know what was stolen.

You talked through the entire podcast.

You kept saying, "What'd they say?"

every time they were saying the things I needed to hear them say.

What'd you say?

It was a jewel heist.

A thief stole a large purple diamond.

Hmm.

I'm sorry, a large purple what-now?

A purple diamond.

They posted a pic online. I'll send it to you.

Oh, boy.

Jake. You seem frustrated.

What's wrong? Can't solve the crime?

You should've partnered with me while you had the chance,

because once I listen to that podcast it's game over.

Which reminds me, what's a podcast and where can I get one?

Don't bother. I already know who the criminal is, because he stole this.

That looks like the necklace I swiped for-- Oh, boy.

Ooh, it's a text from Robert.

As in Robert, your chief of police boyfriend?

Yup. I asked him to get us a little inside info.

Oh, here's a description of the suspect:

"Male, 5'11", brown hair and brown eyes,

one eye covered with a patch.

Wearing a long, white coat."

-Oh, boy. -Oh, boy.

I know, right?

Eye patch and long, white coat.

This guy sounds like a real freak.

If only you knew.

Hartley, give Colby his power back.

He has, like, 50. Why can't I have this one?

Because without my super speed, I won't be the Chosen One.

Okay, well, now I'm on Hartley's side.

Look, I told you this was gonna be a bad idea.

How was I supposed to know she was gonna turn into a power-crazed maniac?

More of a power-crazed maniac?

What are we gonna do?

I've got an idea.

Hartley, I've been thinking,

and you can't use super speed to do everything,

because technically, that would be cheating.

You're right. I didn't even think about that.

I can't be a cheater.

Hmm. Not cheating. Her greatest weakness.

Here, quick, take it back.

Yes. Finally. Thank you.

Whoa!

Are you gonna give it back or not?

I want to, but I can't control it!

Oh, no, this must be a side effect of giving the power

to a regular person.

If only someone had mentioned that sooner.

Oh, wait. I did.

Hello. I'm looking for Hartley.

I'm Mary Stephens.

Of course you are.

So you're Mary Stephens?

The Mary Stephens?

As in Sunshine Club founder Mary Stephens?

The Mary Stephens?

Yes! I am Mary Stephens.

Is Hartley here?

I am a little early. She's probably still running around.

Oh, you have no idea.

Are you a Sunshine Club member?

Does this face say otherwise?

But today's not about me. It's about Hartley, so...

And-- And here she is.

Hi!

Hartley, it is so nice to meet you.

Oh! Fun.

Down low, too slow. I am so down with the kids.

Oh! Again.

Maybe I'm not so down with the kids.

She's out of control. We have to stop her from speeding away.

Her feet.

-Ow! -Live with it.

Hey, Mary! Here she is.

Come give our girl a shake.

Oh. Uh.

She's just really excited to meet you.

How about these decorations? You know, Hartley worked really hard.

Oh, they're wonderful. And who doesn't love a good balloon arch?

Me. That'd be me.

Hartley, you have certainly outdone yourself.

Hartley?

Coming in hot! Look out!

Just take it back, please.

Actually, I kind of want to see how this plays out.

Take it back!

And that is what being a Sunshine Club member is all about.

You know, busting through any challenges that get in our way.

-Am I right? -No. It's about helping people.

Oh.

Have you tried the crab cakes?

I haven't seen so many outlines

on this living room floor since...

Never mind.

Jake, you have to stop Celia from solving this crime.

If she finds out it was me, we're all headed to the deep fryer.

-The deep fryer? -Yeah.

The clink. The pokey. The hoosegow.

Come on, Jake. Keep up on the jail slang.

Look, as long as she doesn't see the diamond, she'll have no evidence.

-Good point. -You still have the diamond?

Of course, it's right...

-Uh-oh. -What do you mean, "Uh-oh"?

It was in my pocket. It must've fallen out.

That's what I get for buying my jeans at Slim & Snug.

Uh, Celia, I was thinking, and, uh,

if this crime hasn't been solved in 20 years,

then we don't stand a chance.

You give up too easy. Just like my seven ex-husbands.

Well, eight, but they're still looking for him.

But what Jake is trying to say is,

we're dealing with some skilled criminals.

-Villains! -No, we're not!

I mean, no they're not. I mean, what?

That's who did it.

That description Robert sent is clearly a villain.

I mean, who walks around in a weird white coat and an eye patch?

Hey, sometimes a person makes a choice

and they have to commit to it, okay?

Those freaks get away with everything,

'cause they can never find them.

It is a waste of time.

I'm gonna go home and think of other ways

to make a quick 50 grand.

NFTs seem like a good scam.

Hey. What's this?

It looks just like the diamond that was stolen.

Uh, no, that's just some costume jewelry that Jake wears.

Not me. It's definitely Jake's.

-I don't want it. -I don't want it!

Let me have the necklace.

You see, if that was a real diamond,

Jake would never be able to crush it.

That's for sure. You should've seen him struggle to move the couch.

Plus, who would destroy a $46 million diamond?

Yeah, you'd have to be a real dummy.

Look at me. I've been so eager to solve this stupid crime,

for a second there, I thought you might've been the thief.

You have a good night, Celia.

Robert's coming over, so you know I will.

Hey, where are you going?

Now that I know who stole that diamond,

I'm gonna go collect that reward.

Jake! Come back!

We can blame it on your mother and split it 90-10!

Blame what on me? What's that on the floor?

Uh, your purple diamond.

What?

You told me to leave it with you

because I'm irresponsible!

Well, I didn't lose it. I know exactly where it is.

Miss Stephens, I can explain.

Save your breath. I've seen enough.

I came all the way to Valley View to meet you,

and it's clear you're not taking any of this seriously.

I mean, first the little hand thing, then the do-si-do.

Then you ran headfirst into a wall of plastic bricks.

Without a helmet. At least give her credit for that.

I'm sorry. I just don't think you have what it takes

to be Sunshine Club President of the Year.

But I will take one of those crab cakes.

Wait!

Hartley worked really hard to make today perfect for you.

And, you know, sometimes you just can't control everything.

Maybe today didn't turn out as well as it should have,

but Hartley is the best Sunshine Club president there is.

No, it's true.

I mean, she even makes me want to...

spread a little sunshine.

That's very nice to hear,

but the Sunshine Club is about helping the community,

not just one person.

Hartley helps everyone.

I mean, she feeds the hungry,

heals the sick, raises the dead.

Okay, just the first one, but I felt like I needed a list.

Just please give her another chance.

Well, I did choose Hartley as a finalist

because of the work she's done all year.

So I guess I shouldn't base my decision on just one event.

I'll take that into consideration.

Thank you.

Well, looks like you two have a lot of cleaning up to do,

so...

Okay, seriously, who keeps closing these doors?

Well, I just found out I'm not getting the award.

What?

And to think, I almost didn't sonic-blast the windows

out of Mary Stephens' car.

Don't worry, you'll get them next time.

I know what I've done as the president of the Sunshine Club,

and that's good enough for me.

I just wish it hadn't messed up my to-do list.

Well, maybe you don't need that list.

I mean, if you plan out your whole like that,

you might never get enjoy where it can really take you.

Hmm. I guess.

It's true. Look at me.

I mean, I always thought I would be a villain forever.

And then life threw me a curve and landed me in Valley View...

right next door to you.

And because of that...

my life is a lot better.

Mine too.

I got to say,

after having super speed today,

I can see why you'd want to use your powers so much.

To be honest, I'm not sure why you don't use them all the time.

Because I have a best friend

who reminds me I have to be a better person.

Yeah.

I guess we're both pretty lucky.

Oh, I'm not saying I'm lucky.

That's just why I don't use them all the time.