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Hello?

Stop the wedding.

It is a wedding, not a show on Netflix that I can pause!

Oh, really?

Wouldn't you wait for the most important person to arrive?

Madam, careful!

Where the hell did you go?

What is more important to you than the wedding?

I had to get a new wedding board made because of that son--

Because of that dim-witted printer!

Is that why you left the wedding midway?

You're unbelievable!

He didn't add my name to the board that was made earlier.

What an idiot! He didn't add the most significant person's name!

I want it to be perfect.

Just stall the bride's farewell ceremony. I'll be there in a few minutes.

Madam...

I've loaned this rickshaw.

Get out of my way!

Perfect Tamilian!

My husband doesn't speak any language other than Tamil.

He keeps yapping away in Tamil all day long!

To the world, the word rasam means conducting a ritual.

But to him, rasam is his staple food!

Oh!

I should change...

but you won't learn my language, is it?

These are her atrocities, sir.

As if you've learned to speak Punjabi for me!

Silence, please.

Mr. and Mrs. Prasad,

you are wasting the court's time

by filing for divorce over such a petty issue.

The court recommends three months' cooling-off period.

Three months?!

Ninety days?!

Your Honor, I request you to grant the divorce.

In ninety days, this case might turn

either to section 307 or even 302.

-Mr. Chougule, please! -Approach the bench.

Your Honor, I...

Let's put legality aside, and talk in respect of humanity.

This case is deep.

North India and South India are opposites, Your Honor.

One is ghee, while the other is coconut oil.

One is sari, while the other is salwar.

One celebrates Pongal, while the other celebrates wrestling.

One is black gram, while the other is yellow pigeon peas.

What?

One is Bhangra, while the other is Bharata Natyam.

Mr. Chougule, do your clients tend to dance every day?

Well, they should.

Dancing is better than fighting.

Divorce granted, Your Honor?

Thank you so much, Uncle. And congratulations to both of you.

Thank you, dear.

Look at you two! Finally married!

-Congratulations! -Thank you so much. Please join us.

-I don't dance. -Oh, come on!

Make sure to tag us on social media.

Unique Matrimony. Don't forget.

-You got it! -Sure.

Go ahead.

Stay blessed.

Be happy.

Mom...

that's enough.

Or else, she'll need another makeup touch-up.

That's enough, Kiran.

I've seen so many weddings in all these years,

but I've never seen the mentor cry!

Save some tears for Nirali's wedding day.

It's an emotional moment for her, Jayanti Aunty.

This is the last match arranged by her.

What?!

Kiran, is this the end of your business?

It's not the end, but a fresh start.

It's now going to be Unique Matrimony 2.0.

Nirali dot-com.

From now on, she will run the business

in high tech style.

Wow!

So, you're a psychologist cum marriage counselor now!

-Is that a new trend or something? -Sure!

Be it a psychologist or a marriage counselor,

the job is to unite people.

Matchmaking is a good deed.

Marriage is punishment, Your Honor.

Mr. Chougule, your clients were in love once.

Do you like Chinese food?

Of course, you do!

Everyone enjoys it once in a while.

But what if

you are made to eat Chinese food every day,

for many months at a stretch?

You're bound to start disliking it.

That's exactly what happened with them.

He saw chole bhature, while she saw masala dosa.

But they clearly didn't think they would be eating the same thing every day.

Spare them, My Lord.

Thank you, Your Honor.

Thank you so much, Kosty.

You know, at the International Space Station,

English astronauts learn to speak Russian,

and the Russians learn English.

The two of you wasted all your time and energy in finding faults in each other.

Had you invested your time and energy in learning Tamil and Punjabi,

things would be different today.

Anyway...

congratulations!

Stick that on the car.

Oh, my God!

Don't worry, Mom.

I won't let you down.

I'm fine. You're the one who's nervous!

I know you.

Take a look at this happening office, my girl.

I've paid the rent for the whole year.

Isn't it gorgeous?

Mom, what is this?

Next to a divorce lawyer?!

Those who wish to visit the matchmaking office will lay eyes on this first!

Excuse me!

He's a family lawyer, okay?

I mean...

such bad vibes!

What bad vibes?

Divorce brings happiness to some people just like marriages do to others.

Neither getting married is wrong nor getting divorced.

What is wrong is to be unhappy in a marriage.

Nirali, this is Mumbai. It's all very cool here.

There are ice cream shops next to gyms here.

Sure, there's a divorce lawyer here.

But there's also a banquet hall for weddings downstairs.

Still...

Look, you are going to take care of our business now.

I have retired.

From now on, it's just me and my pussy!

Pushpa! We've known each other since we were little.

I call her Pussy. She's my best friend.

Come, let's check out your office.

Don't waste the good stuff on her, Kosty.

Love thy neighbor, Serena.

Hi, I'm Kaustubh Chougule.

Your new neighbor.

Hi, Nirali Vora.

Oh!

Thank you for this new welcome gift.

That's not a gift. It contains my business cards.

Oh, really?

But what am I gonna do with these?

Your hair…

Your...

Never mind.

-You're a matchmaker? -Yeah.

And I specialize in family law.

Plan A, you get people married.

Plan B, I handle their divorce case.

You see, those who get married may wanna get divorced someday.

Same clients will enjoy two different services.

Excuse me? What?

You see...

relationships don't come with a guarantee card.

-Guarantee card? -Yes!

Three out of four weddings end up in divorce these days.

What is marriage?

It's a journey from the bedroom to boredom.

You unite two single people, and I separate them.

We could double our business.

How does eight percent sound?

For every client you send my way,

take eight percent.

Mr. Cun-- Mr. Chougule,

keep these business cards to yourself.

Done. Ten percent.

You definitely look like you could do with more business.

And I think you can use going to school and learning some manners.

Please.

Caustic fucking Chougule.

What's her problem?

What's his problem?

Bloody fool.

Wow, you look hot!

Let me see.

Thank God that you heeded my advice and you're working on your marriage!

Well, I took your advice and now I'm not taking things to the bedroom.

I've skipped wearing underwear for the night!

Besides, I should take some advantage of such a big car.

Sis... I'm so proud of you.

Listen.

Pussy and Kiran Aunty have gone to the movies. They'll be late.

And Kabeer is upstairs, in your room.

Oh, great! See you.

You know, you need not overestimate him.

And since when do you give so much importance to men?

Go and get some action!

-Okay, fine. Fine. -Go.

Where is he?

Kabeer, come over here!

Big guy!

What's on the menu today?

For starters, we have fresh mango ice cream.

For main course, we have your favorite, sapodilla and custard apple ice cream.

And for dessert, we have coffee caramel raisin.

Mom's gonna kill you.

I'll handle her. It's okay to indulge once in a week.

You're the best, Nirali.

What is that flavor called?

Rocky Relationship?

Sadness Shot Cake?

You cannot enjoy ice cream by freezing your own feelings.

-I'm the psychologist, not you. -That's true.

But you're not as feisty as before.

You keep missing Uncle Varun all the time.

Just try and forget him.

You must move on.

Yeah, I guess.

You should operate your heart like Mom operates her phone.

There are so many old pictures and videos on it

that it works really slow.

Go ahead.

Delete all my old data.

Not just the phone.

You need to reboot your heart.

You're, like, eight going on 80, you little brat!

I won't spare you!

Let's go home!

That's the last dance.

Well, if there's dance here, there's "chance" at home!

Oh, yes, baby!

No, not here. Let's go home.

Just two more minutes. Let's all leave together.

It's hard to stop him, man.

Ever since Runjhun left,

dancing is the only thing that makes him happy.

Okay, okay, so last dance for the evening! Come on!

I've given up Armani

And I've worn a cloak of desire

We will do as we please

-Go, Kosty! -We will do as we please

Say what's on your mind

Open your heart to me

Why do you seem nervous?

Let go of all your fears

The eyes tell stories and make mischief

I have crazy thoughts every time I see you

Stop teasing me

Yeah, yeah, I'm drunk on your love Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah

I'm drunk on your love

Open the curtain, lift the window.

Open the curtain, lift the window.

Open the curtain, lift the window.

Open the curtain, lift the window. Like this?

Don't let me down, okay? I can't lose face at Kiran Grandma's birthday party.

Open the jacket, open the jacket, open the jacket.

The stars are twinkling tonight

Where is the moon hidden?

Wipe your pants, wipe your pants.

I'm wearing a skirt.

I haven't done this in ten years. I can't do it.

Your words entice me

And make my heart flutter

I'm drawn towards you

I'll go where you take me

Magic... sixer!

Magic... sixer!

My intentions are pure

My intentions are pure

The one I mistook for a thief

Turned out to be a thief of hearts

I think I'm falling for him

I think I'm falling for him

You're a stranger to me But I'm drawn towards you

I know I want to spend my life with you Yeah, yeah, yeah

He has become a tagalong.

Well, I couldn't just leave him there.

Come.

The bedroom's calling...

Okay, listen to me, Girish.

You may consider yourself single until he finds someone to be with!

Okay?

-Find him a girlfriend! -What? I--

I don't have any experience. I forgot everything after I found you.

Oh, okay. If Kosty has no girlfriend,

you will also forget what sex feels like. Okay?

Oh!

What the hell! Fucking Kosty!

Good one! You got me! I thought...

Food!

Yeah.

-Nice. -Hey!

-It's for Kosty. -Okay.

He'll look for food once he sobers up. Idiot!

Asshole. Girish!

Okay, alright. Okay.

Alright. Good night.

Hey...

-Hi. -Hi.

-Washroom? -Washroom.

Wake up, rascal.

Get up. Who is she?

-What is going on in my house? -Where did she go?

-Baby! -Hey, keep quiet.

-Diana! -Hey!

-Di! -Lower your voice.

You're gonna die, I'm gonna die!

What the fuck, man!

-Hey... -You get her out before Preeti wakes up.

Why are you overreacting?

I woke up in the middle of the night.

I was feeling lonely. And hungry.

So, I just went on the app...

and she was around. So, I called her over.

That's it.

-You were feeling lonely? -Yeah.

You jerk! You won't sleep on this sofa ever again.

-Come on, man. -You know what?

My wife has pushed me into the no-sex zone!

And you're leading a life of debauchery!

-It's not debauchery... -Good morning.

Good morning.

You need to go. Even I have to get to work.

-So, yeah. -Yes.

-Yeah. -Oh, thank you.

Bye.

I'm already hungover.

And this smell is revolting.

Who eats pickle early in the morning?

Not me, sir.

You're burning incense whilst eating pickle.

What is wrong with your sense of smell?

So, you're shameless as well as disrespectful!

I'm disrespectful?!

The whole office is stinking because of your bloody pickle-incense!

-Do something about it. -Sure.

These are common Indian smells.

Nobody else seems to have a problem.

Deal with it.

Thank you, dear.

Wait, wait. Thanks.

Listen, one second. Hold on.

One second! Hey! Wait!

What the hell!

Excuse me!

You practice civil law, don't you?

Please learn some civic sense as well.

The elevator is not a taxi

that you can ride in alone!

You are straight-up rude and arrogant!

You turned a blind eye to me today.

What if it was an elderly person?

Wouldn't you wait for them?

Not everyone's as pesty as you are.

What? What did you say?

Say it louder! Are you scared?

I have a client waiting.

So do I.

Matchmaking in times of Tinder.

Why get married when you can just "do it"?

-Hi. -Hi.

Sorry, we are late.

Hi.

How does divorce come under family law?

It breaks up families, right?

-How are you guys? Come. -We're good.

-How have you been? -Good.

-Oh, yeah! I loved it. -You did?

-Yeah. -Did you hear it too?

-Yes. -Come. Superb!

-Are you ready for your session? -Yeah.

-Yes. -Let's do this.

Hi.

Pooja.

Are you Mr. Chougule?

I was expecting an old weary tractor.

But you turned out to be an XUV.

How does the model matter, Pooja?

It should get good mileage.

Sure.

But you need comfort along with mileage...

which lacks in my marriage.

That's why I want a divorce.

We've been on three dates already. How long do we keep trying?

-It's a 90 percent match. -We have nothing in common.

I like dogs and she likes cats.

I ride a bike, and she relies on Uber.

Yeah. This won't work.

He's a FIFA addict, and I'm a PETA follower.

He knows the name of every footballer in Europe, but doesn't know my uncle's name.

Why the fuck should I know her uncle's name?

What else do you want from your husband other than divorce?

-Property? Savings? Cash? -No, no!

I don't want my husband's wealth.

All I'm worried about is Parth's health.

He doesn't even poop when I'm not around.

So, you're worried about poop and not the property.

Something only a mother could do.

-May I say something, Pooja? -Yes.

Postpartum differences are commonplace.

A mother gives so much attention to her child for the first two years

that the husband feels neglected...

which also affects the mother.

Anyway, once you get custody,

we'll deal with the property settlement.

How old is Parth?

He's nine.

-He's nine and yet he won't poop?! -Yes.

You tell me,

how can I let my husband have custody?

He wouldn't even mate in my absence for eight years.

-Mating at eight?! -Yes.

Your son indulged in mating when he was eight years old?!

Parth is my doggie!

-He's a Labrador. -Of course.

He's a Labrador.

But I don't want to settle.

I should check out other guys. You never know, I might like someone else.

We're talking about matchmaking, not shopping during a sale!

You cannot add people to cart during online sales

and choose who you want during checkout.

Love, marriages and relationships

last for a lifetime, and this needs your input.

Have the two of you heard about daily affirmations?

-Have you? -Yeah.

So, I really think you guys should try daily affirmations.

Before you say it to each other,

say it to yourself.

"Long live love."

Long live love.

Richa?

Long live love.

-Long live love. -Long live love.

If there's anything common between us, it's Parth.

-The Labrador. -Correct.

Now please do something.

Louder.

-Long live love. -Long live love.

-Long live love. -Long live love.

-Long live love. -Long live love.

-Long live love. -Long live love.

-Long live love. -Long live love.

-Long live love. -Excuse me.

Sure.

-Long live love. -Long live love.

-Long live love. -Long live love.

-Long live love. -Long live love.

Do you feel better?

-Long live love. -Long live love.

-Long live love. -Long live love.

-Long live love. -Long live love.

-Long live love. -Long live love.

-Yes? -You know what?

If shouting could make people fall in love,

there wouldn't have been two world wars.

Iran and Iraq would be friends.

But did that happen? No.

Shouting out something that's right doesn't make it wrong.

But yeah, it will kill your business though.

Shouting only causes noise pollution.

This is a shared workspace.

So, please maintain silence.

You... get out.

Get out!

Caffeine is not the solution, you know.

You should try yoga.

Nirali is the problem.

So, the solution is bound to be unique.

Come on, Kosty!

She's not really that bad.

It's like a bump in the road that has disrupted your routine.

It will eventually become a habit.

Some habits can be fatal.

Drinking, smoking,

drugs, Nirali.

If I turn her into a habit, I'll be done for!

I... I just can't stand her!

Kosty...

No wonder she's single!

Nobody will even follow her on social media, let alone date her!

Even if she had a boyfriend,

he would have killed himself.

That's enough, Kosty.

I'm not dead yet. This is just the beginning.

Hey, Nirali!

Would you like some tea?

Fuck.

I tried to stop you.

You could have taken her name instead.

-And then? -She started crying.

She's a drama queen!

She gives me a headache.

I can't stand her.

Her office is messy and so is her hair. She's always in a mood.

She's pathetic!

Everything about her is so bloody annoying!

Well, then stop talking about her.

You need to chill.

Talk to me about Runjhun.

What about Runjhun?

She's still sleeping with her boss. What else?

How do you know that she's still hooking up with her boss?

-Did you talk to her? -Of course not.

Uncle.

Her father told me.

Her father told you?

And even if I talked to Runjhun,

what would I ask her?

"Hello, Runjhun. Are you still sleeping with your boss?"

It's not a topic for small talk.

Does her mother know too?

Here, why don't you call her and ask?

Nirali, my nephew Krish

has been transferred to from Vizag. Why don't you show him around?

I have never been to Gateway of India.

It was at Gateway of India where Varun and I...

clicked our very first #nofilter selfie.

It's not gonna work out, Pussy Aunty.

Please try something else.

One of my friends' son Vineet is also coming to Mumbai from New Jersey.

I think we should go dancing.

No... I can't dance.

Varun didn't like dancing, so...

I quit dancing too. Now I just have...

two left feet.

So...

I mean, try some other outfit.

I'm not interested in going out with guys.

What is with you, Nirali?

How can a matchmaker remain single?

Wouldn't it be strange if Mukesh Ambani doesn't use a Jio SIM card?

I can't risk having diabetes just because I own a candy store.

Besides...

"I can't forget Varun!"

We need to keep pace with the world.

Companies like Amazon, Flipkart and Snapdeal have taken over.

People rely on them for shopping.

They believe in "use and throw."

If you don't like your husband,

get a divorce.

If you are about to go skydiving and you find out

that three out of four parachutes won't work...

would you still jump?

You won't.

Preeti and you are different.

Your relationship is one of a kind.

What about yourself?

How long will you stall it?

Just get it over with.

Forget the past...

and believe in your future.

Everyone thinks moving on is easy.

But I just can't seem to get Varun out of my head!

You have gone soft in the head ever since he left.

Look at me!

Just because I dress up and party doesn't mean

that I've forgotten your dad.

Would he ever want me to renounce the world?

The bottom line is that we only live once...

and we must live it to the fullest.

But how could he just leave?

We've known each other since school.

We went to college together.

We were in a live-in relationship for three years.

He understood me better than I understood myself.

And one day, he just left out of the blue.

Why don't you just sleep with someone?

Mom!

But...

what if despite the 90 percent compatibility rate...

I'm not physically attracted to him?

Sure.

Chemistry between couples is important.

So, I'm conducting a test experiment on Saturday.

It's a blindfolded pheromone test. Make sure to come.

You can check whether there's chemistry between you two.

Chemistry? I did have chemistry!

Biology, physics, I had it all with Kosty! It's all over now!

Oh, shit!

What's gotten into him?

Serena!

She's also not here.

Where is Kosty?

-Where is he hiding? -He just went that way

Knew it!

That man will never mend his ways.

Serena...

-Hello, ma'am. -Did Kosty run away?

-Actually, he has gone out for some work. -Work?

He's a lawyer as well as a liar.

I made the biggest mistake of my life by trusting him.

Ruining people's lives is his business as well as his motive.

Let me see how long he hides from me.

Arrogant escapist fool.

You know him really well.

-And you are? -Nirali.

That's my office.

-Would you like some coffee? -Yeah, sure.

Is there something urgent?

It's a divorce case.

Who's getting divorced?

Me and Kosty.

What?!

I'm Runjhun Chougule, Kosty's wife.

Trying very hard to be his ex-wife.

Just give her a divorce, man. Do it if you want my marriage to work.

Runjhun doesn't even have any demands.

Why are you trying to be the mediator in our case?

How do you know what she wants?

Where does a man get all the gossip from?

Wifeypedia.

Runjhun and Preeti are still in touch.

Of course.

-Please just divorce her, man. -I will not.

I want Runjhun to bloody suffer.

You're the one who's been suffering for the last four years.

Bullshit!

I'm suffering?!

Right swipe.

Right swipe.

Right swipe.

One match after another.

I've got everything I need.

You're just not able to deal with the fact that she has left you.

Are you still hopeful that things will fall into place?

No matter where we are...

he wants everything to happen as per his wish.

What a finicky fool!

For example, I like black coffee.

But Kosty wants milk.

Two spoons of toned milk.

All hell breaks loose if someone messes his order.

This is not what I ordered. What did I tell you?

Black coffee and two spoons of toned milk.

Just two spoons of toned milk. Okay?

Sorry, sir.

Coffee has to be just perfect.

Yeah.

Like once I just mentioned in Parsi

that biting into a cardamom or clove gives a bad taste in mouth.

He's been dwelling on it ever since.

Every time we go to a restaurant,

he picks out every little piece of all these spices from his meals.

It'll just take a minute.

He doesn't care if I'm famished or the food goes cold.

One time, I was so hungry

that I ate the decorative flowers along with onions.

Just imagine.

Moreover, he wants to cook at home!

Kosty cooked at home?

He loves cooking in the kitchen. And you cannot help.

Meanwhile, you can go shopping, watch TV or do whatever you like.

You'll be allowed in the kitchen only when he is done cooking.

He makes amazing food, but he does it all alone.

He has an obsession for cooking.

Kosty is an eccentric man.

You know,

Kosty was the youngest partner in Nair & Nair...

Bombay's biggest law firm.

One time,

a woman's influential father made her lie in court

that her husband slapped her.

But Kosty left the case.

How can you just leave the case midway?

The law may be blind, but I'm not.

I will not support your false allegation.

You should be ashamed of yourself.

She did what she did...

but Kosty left the case.

Moreover, he had a quarrelsome disagreement with the law firm.

But there must have been a reason why you two got married.

Oh, my God!

Kosty can be really romantic.

Sometimes, he'd be more romantic than Shah Rukh Khan.

Shah Rukh Khan from the movies Darr and Anjaam?

No, Nirali.

Kosty was a romantic at heart.

And sometimes, he'd showcase his love with his lower body.

Enough, Runjhun.

I'm on a starvation diet, and you're talking about MasterChef!

Chill!

I'm talking about his dance moves, not sex.

For someone who's eccentric, he can really dance.

He performed a special dance

on my birthday.

Kosty planned such a romantic gesture for me...

and I cheated on him.

You know, Nirali...

when Kosty quit his job...

the differences between us started to increase.

Ever since I was little,

I wanted a good life where I could travel and see the world.

But Kosty...

he can be just as happy in there.

We need different things in life.

You know what?

I really think you guys still have a chance.

You wish!

No way, Nirali.

Kosty has OCD, and he's just been angry and holding on.

He hates to lose.

I don't think he'll be back anytime soon, Runjhun ma'am.

Nirali...

would you talk to Kosty for me?

Talk to Kosty?

He hates my guts. No way.

Listen, I have a flight to catch.

Please?

It's 8:00.

The lights are turned off.

I'm sure everyone's gone.

I'll go and get my laptop.

Hi.

Your wife was here.

She spent quite some time here. We had some coffee and talked.

I have to say she's a very honest person.

She was furious. I tried to reason with her...

but she asked me to talk to you.

Mind your business.

She told me all about you and your marriage.

Finicky eater, dance, divorce.

Go...

to hell.

Bloody hell!

What does Runjhun think of herself?

Why would she talk to my enemy about our personal life?

God knows what she told her!

Okay, I tried. I told you that he hated my guts.

She...

Runjhun has a tendency to overshare, and she minces no words!

-Is Runjhun still up there? -No.

Nirali was there.

It seems both of them have been bad-mouthing me.

Bloody hell!

Slower.

Get a new car!

Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait!

Come on…

Come on!

Hate her!

Congratulations.

Caustic Chougule is hell-bent on getting people divorced.

-Loser. -Pesty.

Shameless. Caustic fucking moron.

Useless.

Poisonous. Arrogant.

Nice. We're drinking five of these.

So what if he's a dancer?

I'm also talented.

Kabeer Dance Classes.

Let's do this.

Oh, my god, no, no, no.

Bad idea.

I'm drunk on your love, yeah, yeah, yeah

I'm drunk on your love, yeah, yeah, yeah

I'm drunk on your love, yeah, yeah, yeah

-I'm drunk on your love, yeah, yeah, yeah -Oh, my god.

I'm drunk on your love

Kosty...

why did you send that girl away early in the morning?

You didn't even introduce her to me.

Oh! So, you saw her.

I saw her from the window when he was seeing her off.

She was very hot!

Where did you find her?

On the dating app.

Dating app! Wonderful.

Isn't that cool, Girish?

Super cool, man.

Firstly, his wife left him.

And now, this guy here

is a gold star member of a dating app.

Cheers!

I knew it.

I fucking knew it.

What do you want?

Do you want me to leave as well so that you can have some fun?

Hey, Preeti...

-we were talking about me-- -Oh, screw you!

What are you teaching him?

Why are you corrupting a happily married man?

-Preeti, that's not true. -Don't defend him!

Okay.

He's my friend as well. I can fight with him all I want.

My sex life came to a standstill because of you.

And now you're ruining my marriage.

Don't you dare teach him vile things.

I'm drunk on your love...

-Just shut up, man! -I'm drunk!

Just ignore her, sir. Please pull over.

Drunk!

Nirali, you can do whatever you want to.

Just don't dance after getting drunk.

Kosty is on my mind.

I can't think straight, and everything's messed up.

You're talking about him again.

You haven't spoken about Varun in the last four hours.

You've set a record.

You should thank Kosty.

Why should I thank him?

Because you've done nothing all night but spoken about him.

Have I?

Okay. Alright.

My bad.

Let's end the drama for good tonight.

Where's my phone?

Madam! You left your phone in here.

He cut my call!

That scoundrel did it again.

You bloody…

Answer the call. It must be some girl.

Caustic Candyass Chougule.

You are a hypocrite.

A bloody pseudo!

You get innumerable couples divorced

but you're scared of divorcing your own wife!

-Nirali! -Shut up.

You go around telling everyone that marriage is a dying institution.

But you're not ready to end your own marriage!

Nirali, what is the matter with you?

What are you doing?

Nirali! Nirali!

Nirali, stop!

Nirali, you idiot! What are you doing?

So, as I was saying...

there's contradiction in everything you do.

You think too highly of yourself, right?

You walk around like a taskmaster.

You are a weakling.

You are a bloody coward.

This girl is telling him things that his friends couldn't tell him.

Who is this girl?

And do you consider yourself a competent chef?

I'm sure your food tastes bitter!

It must make people gag! You know why?

Because you are a very bitter man, Mr. Chougule.

Quit portraying yourself as a principled winner.

You are a loser.

You can't handle your own feelings...

but you want to resolve others' differences by separating them!

Now that your divorce is underway,

do you finally understand the value of relationships?

K for Kosty, you Caustic fucking Chougule!

Shit!

Nirali!

Nirali?

Yeah... one second.

Metal, metal. Same.

What the hell!

This is the limit!

Wood, metal. Different.

But good, right?

This doesn't just apply to us,

but nature as well.

What if the sun never set?

The moon and stars would go to waste.

The concept of dusk wouldn't exist.

The concept of good evening and good night wouldn't exist.

The color black would go to waste.

So, it's nice if two things are opposite, right?

Don't let the idea of opposites scare you.

Life isn't perfect...

nor are people.

Choose the kind of people who graciously accept your imperfections

to be with you.

If the two of you are alike...

there will be nothing new to learn about.

You'll merely become each other's habit.

But if the two of you are different...

you'll keep learning new things about each other.

The world you two live in will be beautiful.

Right?

Right.

-May I? -Of course, thank you!

Oh, my! What a gentleman!

People like you are hard to find.

I'm Kiran.

-Oh, hello! -Mom, he's the one.

Caustic Chougule.

-She means Kosty, of course. -Yeah.

-Mom? -Yeah.

No.

You don't look like her mother at all.

Thank you.

Neither your age

nor your temperament.

Coffee?

Yes, of course. Thank you.

You look gorgeous.

-Thank you. -What the fuck?

-You're looking lovely. -Oh, thank you.

Put all your meetings and cases aside on the 28th and keep yourself free, okay?

Casual, party wear or executive wear?

It's my birthday party. Just wear whatever you like.

You've already planned a party?

Your birthday is two weeks away.

When others don't plan a surprise party for you, you ought to plan it yourself.

I've booked everything from the rehearsal hall to the DJ.

I want you to come. No excuses.

I want each one of you to come, okay, all of you?

Mom, you're forgetting something.

You didn't invite the guard and the liftman.

Well, I will invite them on my way out.

I'm going for my practice.

-Practice? -Yes! I've planned a dance competition.

So what if the dancers are old?

We're gonna learn the latest dance steps.

My clan and I are gonna have a ball at the party!

What do you mean by your clan?

Me and my friends. After all, it's my 60th birthday.

You are 60?!

No way!

Not a day over 45!

There was a time when diamonds were called a girl's best friend.

But now, it's Botox!

And now you are my friend, Mr. Chougule. So, I want you to be there.

Call me Kosty, please.

Kosty! I want you to be there.

Of course, I can teach you a few steps.

Is something going on between the two of you.

What?

Well, you two are avoiding each other at work.

I wouldn't even stand next to her, let alone walk with her.

There's nothing going on between me and this snob.

Have you seen her office?

It looks like a dump.

And yours looks like a deserted graveyard.

If you consider it a graveyard, then you should maintain silence.

Why don't you keep your mouth shut?

Oh, well, you can't do that.

Empty vessels make the most noise, right?

You are an empty vessel of the cheapest quality.

You have zero class, you loser.

You are a loser!

You will be the biggest loser even in a competition of losers!

-What does that even mean? -Excuse me!

Put an end to all your fights right away.

It's my 60th birthday, for crying out loud!

I want you two to have fun at the party, and not fight! Okay?

-See you at the rehearsals. -Okay.

See you in the lift.

I told you I can't stand him.

He's haughty and arrogant.

You saw how he insulted me, right?

Despite that, you invited him to the party! Why?

I've been in the matchmaking business

for the last 35 years.

Trust me, he wasn't insulting you.

What else was he doing, Mom? Was he talking me up?

Chemistry.

Oh, God!

What a one-track mind, Mom!

Stop talking like a psychologist.

You couldn't even get over your past.

What?

Thank you all for volunteering today.

We tend to judge people by their eyes and the way they talk.

But we use all our senses.

Sense of smell, taste, touch, instinct.

All of us have a signature smell.

We feel each others' energies

and smell each others' pheromones.

So, today we are going to conduct a pheromone test.

Guys, pass this on.

In order to avoid visual distractions,

we'll blindfold you all. And nobody is allowed to talk.

Now take three deep breaths...

and feel who's around you.

If something attracts you...

then go towards it.

You will yourself know if the person you go to

isn't interested in you.

Just be sensitive

to your body, mind...

and the signs it gives you.

Go for it, guys.

No talking. Just breathe.

Hey, what is he doing here?

I'm so sorry, Serena. We are conducting a new experiment and...

-No problem. -No problem.

Okay.

Two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight.

Nirali.

Caustic.

Kosty.

I need to talk to you.

What is it now?

Look, I haven't come here to fight, okay?

That's exactly what I want to talk about.

Kiran said that she'll be grateful if we don't fight

until her 60th birthday.

Look at her.

She looks happy.

Let's not fight for her sake until her 60th.

Yeah.

I'm okay not to fight.

Truce?

Truce.

Thank you.

Do you wanna join in?

Five, six, seven, eight.

Do I look like I'm 60?

I'm sorry.

I don't dance anymore.

I quit dancing ten years ago.

But thank you.

Girls!

Time to shake these booties.

Oh, great!

Oh, no!

One more time.

-Try that again. -Let's go!

Shimmy, shimmy, shimmy, shimmy, shimmy, shimmy, shimmy!

Wow, she has got it!

She got it!

Thank you.

You're God! You've saved me!

Bye, Kosty.

-Bye, sweetheart. -See you tomorrow.

Bye, Kosty.

This is lovely.

-Kaustubh Chougule? -Yeah.

Kabeer.

Nirali is our common friend.

I need to talk to you. Can we go in?

Okay.

Get me up there.

Did Nirali tell you I was her friend?

No, but she said a lot of other things.

Kiran Grandma said some nice things about you.

But, you see, she's old.

She likes everyone.

Are you sure Nirali and your Kiran Grandma are related?

#Dadjoke.

Dad joke?

Your sense of humor is old school.

Nirali... hello.

I know you don't know me, but--

Hey!

Hey, driver! Hello!

One minute. Please hear me out.

Who are you?

Look at this.

Kosty.

I'm Girish, Kosty's friend.

I just need five minutes of your time.

Nirali wasn't always like this.

And she won't always remain the same.

Once my puppy arrives,

he'll spread happiness and make her forget Varun Uncle.

Varun Uncle?

Varun was her boyfriend.

But he died.

Oh!

When?

One year ago, during summer holidays.

Papa had to cancel our trip to Ooty.

No wonder she's single!

Even if she had a boyfriend, he would have killed himself.

-Accident? -Heart attack.

Varun Uncle went to buy a pack of bread, and never returned.

That's sad.

Nirali is still mad at him

because he left without saying goodbye.

But I think that it's silly to be mad at someone

if they're not even there to make you feel better.

I cry only when my parents are around to mollify me.

Why waste anger?

I followed you all the way from office because

-we couldn't talk with Kosty around. -Why not?

What do you want to talk about?

-You're a matchmaker, right? -Yes.

So, could you please

use your judgment and find a good match

-for Kosty? -But your friend is married.

He's not married.

He's alone.

Hang on. Talk to my wife.

Sounds like a heartbreak.

Don't you watch Discovery Channel?

Human hearts don't break.

I wish Nirali wasn't upset.

She wouldn't eat up all my ice cream if she wasn't sad.

Will you help?

You want me to help Nirali?

You turn couples into single people.

But just for once, do the opposite.

Matchmaking is her job, not mine.

-Like this. -Like the waves crash...

Everyone should have

a friend like you in their life.

So, Girish, explain everything to her.

-Okay? -Sure.

Thanks, Nirali. Lovely to meet you.

I'll handle it.

Bye.

I'll handle it, babe...

Kosty is lonely.

And if this continues, he's not gonna find anyone.

Why?

He told me that he was dating other girls.

So, I thought that's good, he's moving on.

Later, I found out that he had been

using the app to call random girls over only to narrate his sob stories to them

after downing a few drinks.

I had been making Runjhun's favorite dishes all day...

and feeling depressed.

The mind and heart

are big-time enemies.

It's rather difficult...

to make them both happy.

It's just amazing. You're gonna love it.

It's Runjhun's favorite.

What are you doing?

Runjhun didn't like biting into bits of cloves and cardamom.

But I do.

Runjhun has moved on long back.

She's not coming back.

Nirali...

I wanted to meet you...

because you've understood Kosty very well.

Everything that you said about him

was absolutely correct.

-Well, that was a bit too much. -No, no.

It wasn't. You were right.

He doesn't let others talk, and you managed to shut him up.

But, you know, he has a heart of gold.

All he needs is a companion.

-I'll think over it. -Yes.

Why don't you set Nirali up with someone?

Have you caught the matchmaking virus from Nirali?

Dude, another dad joke! Look...

we don't have any time to waste.

So, be quick.

I want you to get on this mission ASAP.

Do you understand?

Can I write it all down?

No, don't bother.

Varun Uncle was a ten.

So, make sure you find a handsome hunk for her.

Tell me what qualities you want in this handsome hunk

and make it easier for me.

He should be taller than you.

He should have better hair than you.

He should have a wider chest.

And... he need not have

those.

Glasses?

Pizza undereyes.

Dark circles.

Bye. Thanks.

It's Sunday and I need a man!

Can I come?

Don't you get it?

I need a man!

If you can't do it,

then just hang up. Bye.

What the fuck do I do?

I heard you need a man.

Hi.

No, I was just talking to a friend. Seema.

I heard. Sounded like a crisis.

Can I help?

No, I have to try out a new KEOT today.

And my volunteer bailed on me at the last minute.

KEOT.

Sounds like a new diet.

KEOT.

Know Each Other Test.

It's just a new pattern of a compatibility test.

And I need to try it out before tomorrow. So...

I'm a man.

You can tell me if I meet the criteria.

No.

I'm sure you're busy, and this could take a while. So...

My client canceled the appointment.

So, I've got time.

Alright then, we can start the personality match.

We?

This is matchmaking.

There ought to be two people.

Alright, you're the boss.

I'll do as you say.

Shall we begin?

Absolutely.

Are you doing an exam?

I'm not done yet.

Would you like to ask?

Okay.

It makes me happy to make my partner happy.

-I can accept myself for who I am. -Of course.

The best.

But what about others? They should also accept me, right?

What does that matter? You should always think you're the best, and I am the best.

I'm able to count on my partner in time of need.

I think so.

I can express how I really feel.

Why did I even bother?

There has to be more to a relationship than great sex.

You haven't had it in a while.

-How can you just assume that? -I can see it on your face.

I'm willing to face my problems.

I thought so.

I'm sexually attracted to my partner.

But...

Good answer.

Now the last part.

35% compatibility means we failed, right?

It's a test.

Are we done?

Okay.

Thank you very much.

I demand a retest.

I wasn't ready.

There's no point in doing that. Besides, tests should be instinctive.

The first answer comes straight from the heart.

What's the point in taking a retest and rethinking your answers?

That's a very low score.

You're so competitive.

Don't take it personally.

It's a collective score.

Besides, what were you even expecting?

We've been at each other's throats since day one.

I'm surprised that the compatibility score wasn't zero!

But thank you.

At least now I know what to correct and...

how to make it perfect for my clients.

Change the entire test. It's nonsense.

Excuse me.

Yeah. You cannot judge two people's compatibility with these questions.

These aren't solely my ideas.

These are methods used by renowned psychologists of the world.

Okay. So, everything's nonsense!

Oh, really?

So, you have a better idea?

Let's hear it.

What would Mr. Kaustubh Chougule do?

Firstly, I would toss all those papers out of the window.

And then...

-This is a better test, right? -Yeah.

Kosty, it's been years since I...

It doesn't matter to me.

-This is just a moment, right? -Right.

We're just consenting adults.

Of course.

No strings attached.

Nirali...

I'm really sorry about this.

I...

Kosty, there's nothing wrong about this.

Who'd know you better than I do?

I've been carrying someone for so long.

What happened was unexpected.

But it's okay.

We're adults, right?

Our past just catches up with us.

I need to resolve a few things too.

I'll do it by tomorrow.

We can try tomorrow.

But where?

I...

There are memories of your past in your house.

And there's Mom in my house.

Hotel room?

Perfect.

Okay.

-Nirali ma'am. -Hi, Serena.

What is this?

Gulab jamun cheesecake. It's my recipe.

Just wanted to say, thank you so much from the bottom of my heart!

-But what is this for? -Look.

Aditya proposed!

Aditya?

The guy who was here for the test?

Oh, my God! I'm so happy for you.

Come here. Congratulations!

Hey!

Why are you crying? This is good news!

After my divorce, I thought it was all over for me...

and falling in love again would be difficult.

You were married?

He would beat me.

If it wasn't for Kosty, I'd still be stuck with him.

He did not only get me a quick divorce but...

he didn't charge any money and gave me this job as well.

But look, here I am.

I've fallen in love again, and you are the one who made me!

I owe you one.

There can't be a better payment than this.

Did you tell Kosty?

No. He hasn't come to work yet.

Did you call him?

He's not answering my calls. His car's not here either.

Oh, gosh! I'll have to cancel all his appointments.

I'll just get to work.

Thank you so much!

I have lost…

My heart to you…

You are the one I revere…

My soul is intertwined with yours

My soul is intertwined with yours

I want to be with you

I'm certain about it…

My love

Your love has driven me crazy…

Can we do this tomorrow?

You are the one I desire

Your love has driven me crazy

You are the one I desire

You are the one I desire

You are the one I desire

I'm really sorry about this.

I really think you guys still have a chance.

You wish!

Serena, where's your boss?

He was last seen on WhatsApp two days ago.

How could someone be away from his phone for so long?

Yes. Where is he?

Who will help us with the dance finale?

There's only four days to go.

Well, I don't know. Actually...

Kosty sir didn't tell me anything.

-I don't know where he is. -Well, then inform the police!

-What if he's in trouble? -She's right.

There's nothing like that.

He sent out a mass email to all his clients stating that

all appointments have been canceled.

He wouldn't have emailed if he was not okay.

Nirali, did he tell you anything?

Why would he?

What has he got to do with me?

-No, but he-- -You were doing just fine

without his help earlier, weren't you?

You shouldn't be dependent on anyone for something as trivial as dance rehearsals.

-Nirali-- -Why do you give him so much importance?

He lost interest.

So, he's gone.

Why did you have to leave And make me pine for you?

If you could look into my eyes

You would know what I mean

Stop blaming yourself, Nirali.

It's not your fault.

You always knew what kind of a man he is.

That's exactly why I'm angry.

I feel like a dumb fool!

Why does this happen?

Despite getting so many red flags...

we just tend to ignore them!

I mean, it was the writing on the wall!

I know what he is like.

That those photos--

His wife told me that he doesn't want a divorce.

And yet, I fell for him!

I fell for a married man.

A married man, Seema...

who still loves his wife.

You fell for him?!

You fell for him.

I admit that I made a mistake.

I think I expected too much out of him.

But what about Mom?

And her friends?

It's her birthday in two days...

and Kosty is missing!

Oh, man! You fell for him!

I'm overwhelmed My heart is shattered

Why is the path of love

Fraught with difficulties?

Nirali, ice cream.

I'm overwhelmed My heart is shattered

I'm unable to hold back my tears

How do I tell you what has happened?

Your love has driven me crazy

You are the one I desire

Your love has driven me crazy

You are the one I desire

I really think you guys still have a chance.

It's okay.

Everybody makes mistakes.

Tomorrow...

new day...

new me.

Nirali, I need to talk to you.

-Hi, Kosty. -Hi.

Sorry I ghosted you for four days.

I should have called. I made a mistake.

-I want-- -It's all cool. It's okay.

-Yeah, but you-- Hi. -Hi, Kosty!

-Where have you been? -Hi. Actually--

-Come on, let's practice. -Look, they're waiting.

I think I disappointed her.

I ghosted her.

That night when we were together,

I was so sure she was the one.

But suddenly, I looked at Runjhun's photo.

And then I couldn't think straight.

After all, Runjhun is still my wife.

I was thinking about it the whole night after she left.

Later, I also got away.

That's okay. Where did you go though?

I went to Kolkata to see Runjhun.

Come on, ladies and gentlemen,

put your hands together for the lovely birthday girl, Kiran Vora!

-Lovely! -Ready?!

Happy birthday, sweetie.

Oh, so sweet!

It's yummy!

-Happy birthday. -Thank you! Thank you!

Come on, I've eaten so much!

Nirali, I need to talk to you.

Well, I went missing...

Come on, Kosty!

It's Mom's birthday.

At least meet her first.

Of course.

-Happy birthday. -Thank you!

And here's a tight hug for you on Dad's behalf.

I know you must be missing him so much.

Your birthday was a big event for him.

Stop it already.

Don't make me cry, or my makeup will be ruined.

Yes, happy 60th!

Good evening, everybody!

Hi, I'm Pushpa.

On the happy occasion of my BFF Kiran Vora's birthday,

we have prepared a dance performance for her.

And the judges of this dance program are...

Kaustubh Chougule...

and...

Nirali Vora!

Please be seated, everyone. We'll start very soon.

-Yeah. -Come on.

Come on. Hurry.

Yeah.

Nirali, listen.

I went away for four days without informing you.

-Actually, I-- -Chill, Kosty.

You need not explain yourself.

We're both adults, right?

Enjoy the show.

Love is not for me

Stop yourself from falling in love

Their love is just a facade See through their lies if you can

Look at my fate! I have suffered a heartbreak

Don't believe their promises

Don't let them cajole you

Don't let their eyes And sweet talk fool you

Love is slow poison

Amazing!

You know, that woman at the center is Pussy Aunty.

Pushpa Jain.

She lost both

her husband and her only son in a car accident.

Just look at her.

Squeezing as much joy out of life as she can.

Did you hear What I wanted to say to you?

Did you hear What I wanted to say to you?

Listen to what my heart Has to say to yours

Wonderful!

I wish I'm as active as her when I grow old.

Jayanti Aunty.

She has had six surgeries in the last four years.

The doctors write her off,

but she bounces back with her zest for living.

This is key.

One must never give up in life.

You are the one my heart yearns for

I'll go wherever you take me

Every second spent without you Is like a punishment

We've come together

Like the tides in the ocean

We've come together

Like the tides in the ocean

Let's make a promise That we shall never part ways

Wow!

This is what a 60th birthday party should be like!

You and your friends truly inspire me.

I've decided that I will quit my job when I turn 60,

and start dancing full-time.

But I'd want you to be my dance partner.

Done!

And now, it's time for our judges to dance!

Yes, give them a hand!

Mom, what are you saying?

You know I can't dance.

That's not fair.

It's almost as if she has turned 60!

You must dance tonight. Am I right?

-Yes! -Yes!

Quit being stubborn, Mom. You know I don't dance anymore.

Please don't break your mom's heart on her 60th birthday.

-So... -I can't dance.

-I just know one step. -Well, I know many.

I'm like a dark night

And you're as bright as a new day

Let's get together

And brighten up all our evenings

You are like the bright sky

And I'm like a deep ocean

Let's get together

And watch the sunset

What are you thinking about?

Don't stop yourself

Tell me that I'm the one for you

You are the one for me, my love!

You're the one

What if the sun never set?

The moon and stars would go to waste.

The concept of dusk wouldn't exist.

The concept of good evening and good night wouldn't exist.

The color black would go to waste.

So...

it's nice if two things are opposite.

Even when it's two human beings.

Thank you for this, Nirali.

You're the one

You're the one

You're the one for me

You're the one

You're the one

You're the one for me

Being away from you

Makes my heart ache

Let there not be

Any distance between us

You are lonely

And so am I

Let's get together

Wherever you go

I'll be right behind you

You take one step

And I'll take the other one

Let's be oblivious

Let's forget about the world

Let's get together And drench ourselves in the rain

What are you thinking about?

Don't stop yourself

Tell me that I'm the one for you

You are the one for me, my love!

Tell me that I'm the one for you

You are the one for me, my love!

Runjhun, stop!

Do you have to meet him today?

How can I keep the good news from him?

Kosty!

Nirali!

Hey, Nirali!

Thank you!

Sorry to crash your party like this.

But I had to thank you personally.

You helped resolve the differences between Kosty and me.

I can't thank you enough.

You know...

I've been badgering Kosty for the last one year to give me a divorce.

And then you came.

You came along and everything changed for good.

Kosty came over to my house.

It's done! Come on!

I'm a wonderful matchmaker.

I was the one who told Runjhun

not to give up. I told her everything would fall into place.

And she was like, "You wish!"

And without even reasoning with Kosty...

I reunited them.

Why did I have to fall for him?

Listen, I should be happy.

I should be happy for Kosty and Runjhun.

But for the first time, I feel...

that this couple shouldn't be together.

I've become so fucking selfish!

Nirali.

Hi. Congratulations.

I'm so happy for you and Runjhun.

Well, you should be.

You're the reason, after all.

By the way...

is that your happy face?

I'll leave.

I don't wanna hide anything from you.

That night after you left...

I gave it some thought and went straight to Kolkata

to see Runjhun.

I wanted to resolve everything.

We talked all evening.

And everything fell into place.

Seems like it.

Thanks to you...

I'm free.

So, the two of you aren't together?

It took me four days to get the divorce granted.

I've set a personal record.

I'm in love with you.

I love you, Nirali.

One second.

Nirali Vora...

will you marry Caustic Chougule?

Come here.

You saved me.

You were right when you said that Parth was just an excuse.

and everything else was just a habit.

So, we decided to give our relationship another chance.

And now...

Parth, Monty and I are very, very happy.

And I'm so happy for you.

-We'll take your leave now. -Yeah.

-See you. Bye. -See you. Bye.

Hello.

They were my clients.

You're gonna kill my business.

You can take eight percent of the profit.

Fine, ten percent.

-Coffee? -Sure.

By the way, if my business fails,

would you support me?

You know, I always wanted a maid, man!

It's been four months.

Let's just get married.

Why marry when you can just "do it"?

How about this red booth?