Original subtitles

CHANCELLOR ARNOLD: Plagiarism

is a very serious charge, gentlemen.

It speaks to the honor,

as well as the reputation,

of this entire university.

Look, I told everyone over and over

and over again, that Brandon is innocent.

He didn't know I copied the paper from him.

There is a process in place, Steve.

We must follow that process.

(sighs) ARNOLD: The Student Code of Conduct

calls for the appointment of a tribunal,

and a hearing held in accordance

with generally accepted standards

of procedural due process.

You may retain a lawyer.

You you may choose to represent yourself.

Professor Randall will act for the university.

The tribunal will decide the verdict and the punishment,

which could be... expulsion.

They might as well shoot me now.

Well, to be honest, I'm not sure

you deserve to see three and a half years

of college go down the drain.

I thought you said the tribunal decides that.

Only if there's a hearing.

I've reviewed the bylaws.

If you were to plead guilty,

there would be no hearing,

and discipline would be my decision.

ARNOLD: Off the record,

it might very well be

more of an academic probation situation.

And all I have to do is plead guilty?

I could do that. I am guilty.

ARNOLD: Fair enough, then.

You and I

will meet separately to determine your punishment.

Brandon,

what about you?

According to the code,

your giving the paper to Steve

makes you just as culpable.

The charges against me are false, sir.

I haven't done anything wrong.

Well, Professor Randall seems to think you did. I don't care

what Professor Randall thinks, sir.

I guess it's going to be up to the tribunal

to decide who's telling the truth.

I admire your

faith in the truth.

But I warn you to be very careful here.

Sometimes the truth and justice are not the same thing.

I can't plead guilty to something

I haven't done, sir; I'm sorry.

Then a full hearing

of the Student Conduct Committee will take place tomorrow

on the charges against you,

commencing tomorrow morning, as scheduled.

I'm very sorry, Brandon.

Yeah. Thanks.

Brandon, I don't understand why you didn't take the deal.

I mean, Randall's going to fry you.

Steve, the last thing I need right now is your advice.

All right, look, I'll stand up for you, okay?

I'll tell them that you didn't do it.

I don't want you to do anything.

You don't want me to testify for you?

No, I don't want you to testify for me.

You've done enough already.

All right, Brandon, I screwed up.

I'm sorry. I'm sorry.

But we're best friends.

Not anymore.

♪ ♪

♪ ♪

♪ ♪

DONNA: David!

Come on, hurry up.

What's taking you so long?

(giggling)

Oh, this is great.

Come on.

Hey, watch it.

(giggles)

Hey, I'll race you.

You're on.

Whew!

Oh, you did great.

Man, I can't believe when we first started riding,

I couldn't even go two miles.

Well, see what a couple weeks

of hard work will do for you?

Yeah.

You know, I want to thank you.

I mean, you've been like a guardian angel to me.

David, you're not getting

all sentimental on me, are you?

No, really.

Think about it, come on: Vegas,

the hospital, everything.

(chuckles)

What, this isn't one of those, uh,

nurse-patient type of things, is it?

'Cause if it is, you know, I can go out

and get one of those uniforms, white stockings...

Well, you know, I hadn't thought about it,

but now that you mention it...

(laughs) Shut up.

So what do you say to you, me,

and the Goo Goo Dolls

tonight at the El Rey Theater?

I'll pick you up around 7:00.

Ah, hmm, tonight I'm having dinner with my parents.

You know what, why don't,

why don't you come with us,

and then we can just go afterwards?

All right. Cool.

Sounds like a plan.

You know, we better get going.

I mean, I've got to get cleaned up for class.

Oh, yeah, um, could I shower at your place?

'Cause I have some clothes in my car.

Yeah, sure. Great.

Oh, and don't forget, we have got to get Mark

a birthday present before the surprise party.

Yeah, what's up with that? You and Kelly have been

plotting like secret agents or something.

She has to get him out of the house, and he's not

cooperating. Well, it's not that hard.

He's a dumb guy just like the rest of us.

That's true. Ah!

But not as lucky as I am.

Oh, a four leaf clover. Yep.

It's for you.

Okay, look, I'll come clean.

I know tomorrow

is your birthday, and I want us to do something special.

Got any ideas?

You know what I really want to do on my birthday?

Absolutely nothing.

That's no fun.

Well, we can make it fun.

Come over and kick up your feet

and share my forbidden passion.

Brandon.

Hey, kids.

How's it going with the chancellor and everything?

My hearing's scheduled for tomorrow. Well, good luck, man.

You need anything?

No, no, no, I'm cool.

Listen, I'm kind of pressed.

I'll see you guys later.

I'll be right back.

Brandon...

Hey, I know you've got to go, but are you going

to be able to make it to his surprise party?

I'll try. What about Steve?

Ask Steve.

All right.

Is everything going to be okay?

I hope so.

Good luck. Thanks.

What was that all about?

Oh, I was just

asking him what his sister in England

might want for Christmas.

And then you kissed him.

I was wishing him luck for his hearing.

CLARE: All right, so what happened?

Well, it's like you said--

if I plead guilty,

your father will let me stay in school.

What about Brandon?

He didn't take the deal.

His hearing's tomorrow morning.

Ugh. How was he?

Oh, he wasn't talking to me.

He doesn't even want me to testify for him, either.

So don't.

I'll be testifying anyway.

Randall's calling me

as a witness for the prosecution.

Why? I mean, obviously you're going to say

"Brandon didn't know."

I don't know.

Clare, I don't know if I can go through with this.

Hmm, doesn't look like you have a choice.

You know what? I don't feel well.

I think I'm getting sick.

No such luck.

NAT: Well, like the song

says, Val, "Nothin' from nothin' leaves nothin'."

Nothing's better than the hole we're in.

(sighing): What about David?

You said he

was interested; is that still a possibility?

I think so.

He hasn't said anything to me.

Well, maybe it's time you said something.

Look, I better get back

before my other business goes under.

See ya.

(keypad beeping)

(line ringing)

(phone ringing)

(shower running)

Hello?

Donna, hi, it's Valerie. Is David there?

Hey, Val-- uh, actually he's in the shower.

Can I take a message?

Yeah, can you have him call me. I need to talk to him.

Sure. Uh, anything important?

Donna, I don't want to be rude, but it's kind of private.

Just give him the message, okay?

Well, I would be rude, Valerie,

but I wasn't brought up that way.

I'll give him the message.

Hey, who was on the phone?

Uh, Valerie.

Man, I've been meaning to talk to her.

Um, David, you know, I just,

I don't think it's a good idea

for you to put your money in After Dark.

Well, that's pretty blunt.

Well, I can't help it.

I'm worried about you. Why?

Well, you were sick when you offered it.

No one can hold you to it.

Donna, you know I love that club.

Well, I just, I don't think it's good for you.

Donna, look, you've been a tremendous help...

...but now you're interfering.

You're right; I, I'm, I'm sorry.

No, no, it's no big deal, I just...

I want you to know, okay?

I haven't made any final decisions yet.

Okay? Okay.

So... you, uh, want some breakfast?

What, you're going to actually tell me you have food

in that fridge?

And not only do I have waffles and eggs, but...

I happened to pick up some fresh mango,

which I know a certain little interfering angel likes.

Morning. You got a copy of today's rundown?

I'm working on it, Brandon.

But we usually don't meet till 12:00.

Yeah, I know, but we've got a lot to do, okay?

And we'll just act as if

nothing's happening, shall we?

Nothing is happening.

Why? Have you defied the odds

in the campus pools and plea bargained?

Chase another story, would you, Gaylian?

Come on, what is the deal?

The committee put a gag order on you?

The guy's got no case, all right? It's going to be

over in ten minutes. Can we talk

about something else now?

And I thought denial was a river in Egypt.

That's not funny.

Why won't Randall drop the charges?

Steve's confession should clear you.

Steve's word is a little tainted these days,

and Randall's looking to settle an old score.

I thought he just got here.

Randall was a teacher here about three years ago.

Steve and I took a class of his together-- this is old news.

You know, Brandon, it's hard for your friends

to support you when you try to do it all yourself.

Trace, you didn't tell me you were a psych major.

Okay.

Well, if you need anything, I'm here.

Thanks.

No, no, no cream. Black's good.

Hey, why waste the time studying?

You're just gonna be expelled.

A lot of belief in the, uh,

presumption of innocence, huh, Cory?

What is this, law books?

Don't you know the old adage?

Any lawyer who defends himself has got a fool for a client?

Well, I guess

I'm okay then, 'cause I'm not a lawyer, am I?

No, but see, that's my point.

I was hoping for a worthy adversary.

There's no... no sport in a one-sided contest.

And what about the fact that I'm innocent?

What does that do for you? See, that's the challenge.

Why don't we cut to the chase, Cory?

We both know what this is about.

Brandon, I'm a teacher.

And I'm about to teach you a really painful lesson.

Think of it as, uh-- I don't know-- a public service.

I didn't sleep with your wife while you guys were together.

You know that. That's just great.

That's a point you are gonna want to stress

at the hearing tomorrow.

It'll do wonders for your reputation.

Good luck.

DR. MARTIN: Hi, kids.

Hi, Daddy. Welcome. Good.

Hi, David. Good to see you. Hi. Hi, sweetie.

Sit down.

David! Hi.

Boy, you're looking very well.

How are you feeling?

Fine, thanks.

FELICE: Terrific.

You know, John has been telling me all about your Dr. Tate.

I understand he's the best in his field.

Yeah, yeah, I got pretty lucky.

Have you heard him play yet?

What do you mean?

He's a closet jazzman.

Every Monday night, he goes out to the Valley at a club,

and he plays the sax.

Oh, like Woody Allen with his clarinet.

Oh. Isn't that interesting?

Has he met your mother, David?

I understand that he's also very talented.

Yeah, he has met my mother.

Uh, would... would you all excuse me

for a second, please?

Oh, of course. Sure. Yeah, sure.

Well, David seems to be bearing up pretty well,

considering, and it's so nice

of you to be such a good friend to him, honey.

I mean, after this summer...

DR. MARTIN: Maybe we could drive out to the Valley

and hear Julius play one night.

Mom... what if, uh...

what if David was more than just a friend?

What's that supposed to mean?

You're not seeing him again...

What if I am?

Would there be a problem with that?

Donna, the two of you have been so on-again, off-again...

I just don't want to see you hurt.

What, so now that David has a problem, he's damaged goods?

That's not what I mean.

DR. MARTIN: Felice, Donna,

now, let's...

Let's just take one step

back here, all right?

Daddy, she...

she has been acting this way since we walked in here.

What, he's not

fit to be in our exalted family?

Donna, please.

I'm a doctor's wife.

I think I have some understanding

of the nature of this sort of thing.

That's not what I'm saying at all.

No. You know what?

That is exactly what you're saying.

And I'm not sticking around to hear about it.

Donna, Donna, no, wait-- please don't go.

No, Daddy, I'm... I am sorry.

I am really sorry that I'm ruining dinner.

But, uh, we have another engagement,

so would you please tell David that I'll be in the car?

Good night, Daddy.

Mother.

(gavel banging)

Good morning.

This session of the Disciplinary Tribunal

in the matter

of California University v. Brandon Walsh

is hereby called to order.

Who is representing the defense?

I do, sir.

ARNOLD: And Professor Randall

is acting for the university.

Are you ready, Professor Randall?

Yes, sir, I am.

Since both parties have agreed

to waive their opening statements,

Professor Randall, you may begin.

Thank you.

The University calls Steve Sanders.

Uh, you know what?

I'm not really feeling too good.

I was kind of hoping

I could be excused.

You're here. That's good enough for me.

Please take the stand.

(Steve coughing)

Good morning, Mr. Sanders.

For some of us.

Did you plagiarize a paper

written by Mr. Walsh from my sociology class,

and submit it as your own for Independent Studies?

Yes. Yes, I did.

And did you turn this paper in yourself?

STEVE: No, a friend did that for me.

Morton Muntz.

Okay, so how did he get it?

Brandon.

Brandon Walsh?

Objection, Your Honor.

Well, are you denying that you handed this paper to Mr. Muntz?

No, but I had no knowledge--

So what are you objecting to?

The fact that I found out about it?

Look, Brandon had nothing to do with this.

It was in a sealed envelope.

He didn't even know about it.

RANDALL: Wait, now, let me get this straight.

You handled over a paper which you had written,

and yet, somehow you knew nothing about it?

Objection withdrawn.

How long have you known Mr. Walsh?

Seven years.

And you live in his house, don't you?

Yes.

You'd help him out of a jam, wouldn't you?

Give him my left arm.

You've been in trouble before, haven't you?

Once or twice.

RANDALL: And has Mr. Walsh

helped you out in the past?

Yes. RANDALL: Mm-hmm.

Would you say many times?

Yes. RANDALL: So you got in trouble

in Independent Studies, and he helped you out,

just like he's done for seven years, right?

No. No.

He didn't know I took the paper.

Oh, come on, Mr. Sanders.

He's your best friend in the world, isn't he?

Mr. Sanders?

He was.

He was my best friend until I stole the paper.

Now he won't even talk to me.

So, I don't blame him.

I lost my best friend over this.

How much more proof do you need that Brandon didn't do anything?

RANDALL: That's all.

Thank you.

DONNA: Thanks for finding time to see me.

Y-You don't mind if I eat my lunch while we talk, do you?

Oh, of course not.

Daddy, I'm really sorry about last night.

Oh. I was just upset.

Mom obviously touched a nerve there, didn't she?

(quiet laugh)

So you and David--

uh, you're back together again?

Daddy... would it be a mistake

if David and I got involved again?

You want to talk to the doctor, or you want to talk to the dad?

I think I need the medical advice right now.

Was Mom right?

Well, David seems

to be doing just fine.

He's got his problem under control.

He's under the care of a good physician.

I don't see any medical impediment to a relationship.

Really?

Friendship

is the best medicine.

And I think that, in part,

you are responsible for his doing so well.

And in the future?

I mean, it's... it's probably never gonna happen.

But what if we did get married, and we wanted to have children?

Sweetheart...

these kinds of chemical imbalances

can be inherited.

But so can high blood pressure

and cancer and heart disease.

This is no reason not to love someone.

What about Mom's objections?

You're old enough

to stop worrying about her

and live your own life.

(quiet laugh)

(knocking)

(computer beeps)

Hi.

Hey. What are you doing here?

Well, since you haven't come to me,

I thought I was gonna come to you.

(both laugh nervously)

Can I come in?

Yeah, yeah, sure. Thanks.

Sorry. Come on in.

So, what's up?

Well, I haven't seen you since Vegas.

Is anything wrong?

Uh, no, no. I've just...

I've been really busy,

you know, with my workouts, outpatient therapy,

trying to catch up on all the stuff I missed in school.

Well, I'm glad to hear you're not avoiding me.

Because we're still partners, aren't we?

Look, I've just been trying to sort things out.

You mean Donna's trying to sort you?

Listen, David...

do you really need her permission?

Because I know you want the club.

Look, Val, Donna's been great.

Look, I don't get it.

I know you, David.

You and I are alike.

And we need that heat.

We-We want that challenge.

And we're alike in another way.

(laughs)

Really?

What's that?

We're not afraid to go after what we want.

At least you never used to be.

Things have changed a lot since then.

Look, Val, when I made that offer,

I was... I was in another state of mind.

Listen, David,

I am really happy that you're getting healthy,

because that's the kind of partner I need.

But if you are not going to keep your promise to me,

I need to know about it now.

Hey! Hey.

Want to make your forbidden passion come true?

Ooh, I like to hear that.

What's this?

A pre-birthday present.

A tape? What's on it?

It's blank.

How's this sound?

Dinner at Matsuhisa,

then we will catch a show at Billboard,

then we'll go back to your place,

where, through the miracle of videotape technology,

we can watch your little Judo Queen

until your heart is content.

I like the sound of that.

I thought you might. What do you say?

You feel like being spoiled?

Well... okay.

But just this once.

(laughs)

ARNOLD: Recess is over.

You may proceed, Professor.

Call Brandon Walsh, please.

ARNOLD: Mr. Walsh, this hearing is more informal than

a jury trial, but you do have the right

to decline Professor Randall's request to take the stand.

Actually, sir,

I'm looking forward to getting involved in this trial.

Maybe then the truth can come out.

That's all anyone can ask.

Mr. Walsh, Mr. Sanders has testified

that the two of you were best friends;

roommates for years;

that you got him out of trouble time and time again.

And yet, somehow, inexplicably,

you know nothing about his confessed plagiarism

with your paper.

That's right. Can we, uh,

cut to the chase, Mr. Walsh?

This isn't the first time

you and Mr. Sanders have cheated, is it?

I'm sorry, and when did you stop beating your wife?

What, is that supposed to be some kind of objection?

I don't know, why don't you ask your wife?

Ooh, I'm sorry, ex-wife.

RANDALL: That's good.

You and Mr. Sanders took my Sociology 131 class

three years ago, didn't you?

Nothing wrong with that,

other than it was boring.

Guilty as charged.

Did you start at the beginning of the semester?

No, I transferred in a couple of weeks late at the deadline.

Do you recall if we had

weekly quizzes in that class?

Yes, every Friday.

And do you recall the quiz of October 11th?

Integrated Societal Systems?

Not particularly.

Oh, really, I'm surprised, because you did very well

for your first quiz: 84 percent.

You don't happen to have a copy of the test, do you?

Now, why would I have a copy of that test?

Because so many people failed it,

that it became known as the "Columbus Day Massacre."

But, of course, you didn't fail it.

Neither did Mr. Sanders.

You don't happen to remember what grade he got?

Nope.

Well, then why don't you read it to us?

It's right there, third line down, fourth column over.

Eighty-four.

So what? It's a coincidence.

Perhaps, but then,

would you also read the grades he got

on the three weeks prior to your arrival?

41, 34, 26.

RANDALL: And yet, somehow, after you arrived,

Mr. Sanders' problems

suddenly disappeared.

Read on.

This doesn't prove anything.

I didn't let him

cheat off me then and I'm not

letting him cheat off me now.

Numbers don't lie. But you do.

Mr. Walsh, that's out of order.

Chancellor, this is ludicrous.

Even if this were true,

it doesn't prove that I gave Steve the paper in question.

Yes, but circumstantial evidence

is like pearls on a string.

Sooner or later, you have enough to make a necklace.

But none of this ever happened, sir.

If it did,

why didn't he bring it up then?

Because I didn't realize

you were such close friends at the time.

I made a mistake not reporting the incident then,

and I feel compelled not to let this university make

the same mistake twice.

Oh, so that's why you doctored

the course ledger-- very good.

Now, that's a very serious accusation.

There are rules about slander,

even in informal hearings.

Well, what about perjury? Or forgery?

I'm not on trial here.

Well, maybe you should be.

Mr. Walsh, you are out of order!

Chancellor, justice is supposed to be blind,

not deaf and dumb.

Hey! Hurry, they'll be here any minute.

Oh, this is so junior high.

Yeah, isn't it great?

Yeah, except for you have to park two miles away.

I mean, whatever happened to the courtesy bus?

Have you heard anything about Brandon?

No, but he and Steve

are really on the outs.

Let's hope everything works out.

(laughs) Come on, this is Brandon.

When don't things work out for him?

(laughs)

Did, uh, did you talk to Valerie yet?

Yeah, yeah, she stopped by this afternoon.

Yeah, what happened?

We had a good talk.

She was pretty understanding.

TRACY: I see his car! Here they come!

Shh, everybody, they're here!

Hit the lights. Hit the lights.

Cut the music!

I am so embarrassed.

I invite you to dinner and you have to pay for it.

It's not a problem, really.

Do you know where you left your purse?

Uh, yeah, I think I must have set it on top of the VCR

when we were setting the timer.

Of course the concert tickets are in there.

You know, to tell you the truth,

I'm glad we're here. Yeah?

Maybe we should just stay in, because that dress is doing

amazing things to my heart rate.

(chuckling)

ALL: Surprise!

Yeah, it certainly is.

Hey, Nat, hit me again, will ya?

So what's the latest?

Well, it turns out that, uh,

me giving the paper to Muntz was pretty damning.

And then Randall told them that

Steve's been cheating off me for years.

I'm afraid to ask. Is it true?

Well, if it is true,

I get expelled and I can never trust anybody again.

And if it isn't true, I just get expelled.

It's a win-win situation.

Well, just keep fighting the good fight.

That's all you can do.

That's exactly what my father said.

I called him tonight to give him the good news.

How come you're not at Kelly's surprise party?

Well, I'm not in the most social of moods right now, Nat,

I'm sure you understand.

Yeah, but Brando, this is the time you need your friends most.

My advice is get your butt up there.

Maybe I will.

You got any other words of advice?

Yeah.

Don't feel sorry for yourself until you have to.

My father said that, too.

Hmm.

Hmm.

Wise man.

(chuckling)

Donna, thanks for getting everything ready.

The place looks great.

Oh, my pleasure.

You think Mark was surprised?

Yeah, yeah.

Where are Steve and Clare?

Uh, not here yet.

Neither is Brandon.

What are we going to do with those two?

What do you say we lock them

in a closet till they come

to their senses?

DONNA: Yeah, well,

I'd like to lock Valerie away in a closet.

Mm... that sounds like something I would say.

(giggles)

She's just making it so hard on David.

In fact, would you excuse me for a second?

Certainly.

Oh, here comes the fun police.

Hey, Val.

Hey, Donna, uh,

I'm gonna go get something to drink.

You guys want something?

No, thanks.

No, thanks,I'm fine.

Sobriety.

I like that in a partner.

Partner?

I thought you said she understood

you weren't buying in.

No, I said I haven't decided yet.

Oh.

Then I guess it was me that didn't understand.

KELLY: Hey, everybody!

Why don't we open presents now?

Kelly, I don't want to open presents right now.

Sure you do; you have to.

Don't be shy.

(sighing) Wow, it's a great haul.

I don't know which one to open first.

Mine's the one with the red bow.

Thanks for the tip.

YOUNG MAN: Hey, Brandon! How's it going?

Oh, there's Brandon.

WOMAN: How you doing?

WOMAN 2: Hey!

Go ahead, this can wait.

Are you sure?

Yeah.

Kelly, she's like a moth to a flame.

Well, they're old friends.

She's worried about him.

Well, shouldn't she be worried about you right now?

Hey, Brandon, how'd it go?

Uh, don't ask.

Oh, come on, don't keep us in suspense.

Is Steve here?

No, not yet, but Clare said they were coming.

There may be a change in plans

after what happened today.

Clare said that Steve's testimony went well.

If by burying me it went well, then, yeah, it went very well.

Why, what happened?

All right, first,

Professor Randall comes in like

he's in Witness For the Prosecution.

I mean, the guy should have been wearing

a powdered wig and a robe.

Next thing I know, he's sucking up to the chancellor

like he's Eddie Haskell.

So then, he reminds the tribunal that I was the one

that handed the paper to Muntz.

So now, not only did Steve steal my term paper,

but I'm also part of the chain

that handed it in for him.

Oh, I can't deal with this.

I'm outta here.

Well, I'm gonna go in, okay?

He buried me.

He couldn't have buried me any better

if he would've had a backhoe

and a ton of dirt.

Can you get a ride?

Yeah.

What do you want me to tell them?

Just tell them I'm sick.

Thanks.

Bye.

There you are.

What are you doing?

Everyone's looking for you.

Why? They have Brandon; they'll be fine.

That doesn't sound like you.

Well, maybe you just haven't seen enough

of my petty jealous side.

Come on, Mark.

I'll let you in on a little secret, okay?

I hate surprise parties

and I especially hate this one.

Why? Because Brandon has a problem?

I'm starting to think that Brandon is the reason

why you and I haven't made love.

(heavy sigh)

Mark, I'm trying to get over it, okay?

But I don't think this has anything to do with Brandon.

Look, Kelly, I'm sorry, all right?

But it's just... when I was a kid,

my parents always made this huge fuss about birthdays.

I mean, it was always pony rides

and magicians and carnivals.

And then it was baseball

and then it was rock 'n' roll.

Every year, it was always something

that had to be bigger and better.

And every year, it always made me feel

like more of a baby.

I'm sorry.

I should've listened to you.

You told me you wanted to be alone.

Happy birthday.

(quietly): Yeah, happy birthday.

Hey, Trace, I'm getting out of here.

Do you want some company?

Yeah, sure. Okay, let me get my coat.

Okay.

Brandon, I need to talk to you for a second.

I'm just getting out of here.

Yeah, I know.

You have to do something about you and Steve.

He's really upset.

Steve's feelings are not foremost

in my mind right now, Clare.

After what he did for you today?

After what he did for me today?

Let me tell you what he did for me today.

Steve killed me today.

Now, I know Professor Randall is my enemy,

but I thought Steve was supposed to be my friend.

TRACY: Ready.

Good night, Clare. Bye.

What was that all about?

Randall proved that Steve's been

cheating off Brandon for years.

Oh! I'm sleeping.

So get up.

(coughing): I'm sick.

I'm sick-- I'm sick of this crap

and I'm sick of your lies, okay?

I'm really sick this time, Clare.

You know what? I'm all out of sympathy, okay?

(groaning) You know, maybe you think

you can lie to Brandon, lie to my dad,

but you can't lie to me.

I didn't. You told me that, uh,

you've never cheated off Brandon before.

Now I found out you've been doing it for years.

But I haven't. Really?

Well, Randall's got proof, Steve.

You cheated on the quizzes in his class.

Columbus Day Massacre?

Uh, 84%?

Ring any bells?

No.

It's so common for you,

you can just cheat and forget about it.

Randall's sociology class?

Friday quizzes?

Yeah. I failed that quiz.

Sure. You can prove it?

(coughs)

Yeah, I can.

How? I mean, how can you prove

that you flunked that exact test?

That's easy, Clare.

I failed them all.

Come on.

About three years ago, I, um...

I had a rather torrid relationship

with a professor at school.

Her name was Lucinda Nicholson,

and she was the wife of Professor Cory Randall.

They were separated at the time, but...

guess that doesn't make much of a difference.

It was wrong.

I knew it was wrong, but I did it anyway.

Well, everybody's guilty of something, Brandon.

Not people who have the goals that I have-- or had.

I applied for a Dryer Fellowship.

Guess I can kiss that good-bye.

Oh, this is not the end of the world.

Hey, let's make a list

of famous people that were expelled.

Okay, I'll start.

Jack the Ripper.

There's got to be somebody.

You just don't give up, do you?

Family trait.

Try losing a crop to locusts three years in a row.

Will you still like me after I'm disgraced?

(chuckles) Of course.

Thanks.

(doorbell ringing)

Hi. Morning.

Come in.

Uh, can I get you some coffee?

Yes, sure.

Thank you.

I, uh... I just wanted

to come by and...

say I'm sorry about the other night.

I didn't mean to offend anybody.

Well, thank you.

But you did.

I know.

What can I say?

I... I worry too much about my little girl.

I'm not so little.

Donna, I know you feel deeply about things, and...

and I know think you have feelings for David,

but honey, maybe he's just another wounded bird.

Or deer.

(sighs)

And this is your way of apologizing?

Look, Mother,

I'm sorry to tell you, but it's not pity that I feel for David.

It's a hell of a lot more than that.

(wry laugh)

Guess I should've expected this.

I mean, any time I say black, you have to say white.

Well, did it ever occur to you that I might

make a decision based on my own feelings?

Actually, it's typical that you would think only of yourself.

Gee, I thought it was my life.

Donna,

you are so fond of telling me

that you're not a teenager anymore.

Don't you think it's time you started

thinking about a serious relationship?

I mean one with a future.

Well, you know what, for once, we agree,

'cause that's exactly what I'm doing.

Members of the tribunal, today I was to begin my defense.

But I have to say... I don't have one.

Are you pleading guilty?

No, sir, I am certainly not pleading guilty;

I'm merely saying I don't believe

Professor Randall has proven any of the charges against me.

Let the tribunal decide.

I will.

But I'm gonna speak now, 'cause it is

my turn.

What has Professor Randall proven?

Well, he's proven that Steve Sanders

and myself were best friends.

That's not news.

Maybe he's proven that

Steve is guilty of a crime he's not charged with.

If it please the court...

Maybe it would please the court for you to explain

why you're out to smear me.

What, you want to tell them

about the relationship I had with your ex-wife?

Go ahead; I don't care.

My personal life is not on trial here.

You want my defense? Here it is.

I didn't do it.

That's my defense.

You want proof?

I say so.

That's my proof.

I have no witnesses.

I have no evidence.

All I have is my word.

I didn't do it.

I did not know

that Steve Sanders took my paper.

And if this university chooses not to believe me, that's fine.

That's all I can do.

I'm ready to accept the judgment of the tribunal.

Professor Randall, any closing argument?

Waived.

Well, I... We will, uh...

(coughing) Hold on a second.

I got... I got to say something.

You have to leave here right away, and Clare,

you shouldn't be here at all. But I've got things here...

Steve out, now! Steve, whatever you were going to do, don't.

Just get out of here.

Well, according to the Student Code of Conduct,

a witness can petition

to return to clarify his testimony, so...

Yeah.

I object. Overruled.

What is it, Steve?

That test he said I cheated on--

I failed that test-- Columbus Day.

I failed it. I tanked huge!

Objection. This wasn't part of his initial testimony.

ARNOLD: Overruled.

I'd like to hear more.

The course ledger said you got...

eighty-four.

Oh, funny. That's not what

it says on my quiz. CLARE: Mm-hmm.

Look-- 17.

Okay, so maybe I got the date wrong.

Oh, no, I failed them all,

Randy. (chuckles)

October 18: 17.

November 22: 46.

December 5-- an oldie, but a goodie-- 13.

Good thing attendance counts, huh?

(chuckles)

Where did these tests appear from magically,

just in the nick of time?

Students save their old exams for study sessions later.

I am appalled.

I'm appalled that you would pervert

the honor of this university

by manufacturing evidence.

All of the charges

against Brandon Walsh are summarily dismissed.

And you will have a hearing

to look forward to of your own, very shortly.

This session is adjourned.

Sounds like the fat lady singing to me.

We spent half the night

crawling through the KEG attic looking for them.

Yeah, but it was worth it.

You should have seen the look on Randall's face. Yeah.

Hmm.

BRANDON: Hey, guys. Brandon!

Speech, speech, speech.

Thank you, thank you, thank you very much.

Okay, okay, look,

I just want to thank everyone

for standing by me through this.

I know it was tough.

And, uh, Mark, I owe you an apology, man.

I didn't get to say happy birthday

to you on your birthday, so happy birthday.

Thanks, man.

I'm sorry if I bummed out your party. No, that's okay.

It turned out to be a pretty interesting birthday,

didn't it, Kel?

Yeah, I learned a lot about kung fu.

Hey, Brandon,

as long as you're apologizing...

Uh, no, I should go first.

No, I got to, uh... I gotta thank you, man.

You really, you really pulled my fat out of the fire-- thanks.

I did, didn't I?

Of course, you set that fire...

I did that, too.

I'm sorry. Forgive me?

I'd just rather forget this whole thing ever happened, bro.

Hug me.

A good example of men communicating.

Yep, a Megaburger

and a manly hug and all's forgiven.

What's your point?

You know, the only thing

that I can't figure out is how could Randall have forgotten

about the fraternity files?

He probably figured that anyone who did so poorly

on those exams would be too humiliated to keep them.

But he didn't count on the fact

that no one can humiliate Steve Sanders more

than he can humiliate himself because...

STEVE and BRANDON: Steve Sanders has no shame!

(both laugh)

Did you see where David went?

Hmm? David-- where'd he go?

No.

You really want this place, don't you?

It's kinda hard to say no.

I know.

I mean, you could be back in the music business,

find bands, produce them,

maybe even start playing again.

Not if the price is too high.

Well, you have the money.

It's not the cost I'm worried about.

Should we talk about what's really bothering you?

No, I'm just, I'm just worried

about you taking on too much too soon.

Come on, Donna, there's more to it than that.

All right.

It's Valerie.

Just knowing that you guys were together once,

it's hard for me to imagine you two working so closely now.

I'm not interested in Valerie.

You're the one I care about.

You're the one I love.

Do you mean that?

With all my heart.

I'm glad.

Now buy the club.