Original subtitles

Was that a great meeting or what?

(laughs): The investors loved you.

Almost as much as I do.

You know, the way they were staring,

I thought my skirt was taking the meeting.

Well, business is about maximizing your assets,

and you do that very well.

We should celebrate.

Whoa-whoa-whoa, nothing's happened just yet.

No, I have a good feeling about these people.

I mean, this could be the deal we're looking for.

It could be.

Could... be.

(laughs): Wait, we're...

gonna celebrate right in this car?

In the middle of Brentwood?

(laughs)

Hold that charming little thought.

I have a surprise.

(birds chirping)

Who lives here?

Oh, a client of mine who's about to be very rich.

Is this your place?

No.

(chuckles)

It's yours.

Ours, actually.

What do you mean?

(chuckles)

I mean, you can live here full-time, part-time,

whatever you want.

Or we can just use it to... meet.

Really?

Well, for business purposes, of course.

Of course, of course. (chuckles)

It's leased in your name, honey, with an option to buy.

That's the least that I can do until we can be together.

So, you're saying I'm a kept woman?

No, I don't think of it that way.

I just want to make you happy.

Go ahead, take a look around.

Okay.

Well, say something.

I'm impressed.

The kitchen is stocked, and I was hoping

to make some dinner for us tonight.

I'll take care of that. Great.

Time for that celebration?

Bring the champagne.

♪ ♪

♪ ♪

♪ ♪

(indistinct chatter)

Look, Tracy, I know it's a drag,

but he is the chancellor, and we got to cover it.

Well, who'd have thought news could be so boring?

Where's a good campus riot when you need it?

This is California University, where apathy is the best policy.

Yeah, well, how are we supposed to get any ratings?

Trace, it's cable access-- there are no ratings.

Guys, you want to just set up

over there and fire at will?

CHANCELLOR (over speakers): Good morning.

Welcome to one of my very favorite days on campus,

the annual California University Spirit Day!

(crowd whooping)

(applause in distance)

Where's Muntz? I don't know.

He's got the shaving cream!

I got it, sir. All right, pass it out.

Okay, who's got the spirit?

KEG!

ALL: KEG! KEG! KEG! KEG! KEG! KEG! KEG!

Okay, who's gonna rock C.U.? KEG!

ALL: KEG! KEG! KEG!

Give me that cream!

Right on! OTHERS: Right on!

Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha!

I've heard this speech since I was 12.

I'm so not into this whole frat scene.

BRANDON: Well, your father seems to enjoy it.

Yeah, well, it's his job.

The Caucasian spirit wrestlers...

Menthol Men...

are you ready

for your date with destiny?

ALL: Ready!

KEG! KEG! KEG!

Let's show 'em what KEG men are made of, shall we?

(shouting and whooping)

Onward!

CHANCELLOR: ...of the spirit of the Thracian legions

passing through the Gates of Hades, wearing masks

and yelling to dispel the demons.

(wild shouting and whooping)

(sustained shouting and whooping)

(crowd laughing and clapping)

(guys whooping, crowd clapping)

(crowd laughing)

(maniacal laughter)

This campus is crazy today.

A bunch of frat guys just streaked the chancellor.

(laughs): I know, I heard.

What is all that?

New recruits.

How do they look? I must have been

over this list of girls a hundred times, Kel.

It just, uh, it doesn't look good.

Come on, Donna.

The rush chairman says that every year.

Yeah, but this year, it's the freshman class from hell.

'Hi. I'm Cindy Satan,

and I'm majoring in demonology. Hee!"

I'm sure it's not that bad.

Oh, yeah, trust me.

Trust me that it is.

You know, maybe Alpha just won't have any pledges this year.

WAITRESS: Are you through with this?

KELLY: Oh, yeah, you can take that.

Is that you?

Yeah.

Welcome to C.U. I'm Donna.

And I'm Kelly.

Hi. Danny St. John.

Nice to meet you. Hi.

Well, I have to run.

I'm gonna change and head for the hospice.

See you later. Okay.

Hey, Danny, were you in a sorority before?

Oh, they didn't have Greeks at State.

I went to this mixer

last night at Zeta Chi,

but I-I don't think they liked me.

Well, how would you like to come to the Alpha House

and meet the pledge committee? 'Cause I think

you would be great. Are you kidding?

I would love to.

I didn't think that Alpha rushed jocks.

Yeah, well, there's a first for everything.

Thank you. No problem.

(sighs): Ah, a pledge.

(shouting, whooping on video) This is pure gold.

TRACY: Wait, it gets better.

The sprinklers come on, and hilarity

and high jinks ensue.

MARK: This is definitely "Play of the Day" material.

I say we lead with it.

I don't know about that.

I was thinking a little further down.

I mean, it's not exactly World News Tonight, is it?

Well, it's your call-- you're the news director.

On the other hand, it is more exciting than our story

on repaving the faculty parking lot, isn't it?

That's what I like to hear.

Excuse me, these-these aren't the classes I asked for.

The courses you requested are full--

of students who registered on time.

(sheepish chuckle)

Hey, David.

Problems?

Hey, Val. No.

Not unless I want my major to be

medieval Viking warlords.

What, are you registering late, too?

No, my counselor's giving me life credit

for my work at the club, so I'm dropping my 8:00's.

Figures. All I've got are 8:00's.

(sighing): So, how have you been?

I've been doing good.

Yeah?

Good Karma? Financial planning, David.

I've got a new accountant.

I wish I'd done some planning.

Then my only communications course

wouldn't be aesthetics of Russian silent cinema.

Ugh!

VALERIE: Well, good luck.

DAVID: Thanks. Bye. VALERIE: Bye.

Wait a minute.

That must be a computer error.

That class has been full since spring.

(laughs)

(groans): What does it take to get a class you want around here?

What, do you have to win a gold medal or something?

Doesn't hurt.

Yeah, right?

Wait a second.

Aren't you Kerri Strug?

I guess so. You were amazing!

Do you have your gold medal on you? No. I'd like to wear it

everywhere, but that would look pretty silly, right?

I don't know,

I think if I won a gold medal,

I'd be so proud I'd have it bronzed. (laughs)

You're funny. You're incredible.

I... I hope I get to have some classes with you.

Me, too. Well, uh...

good luck in school.

Bye.

KELLY: Are you feeling up to an excursion?

I feel pretty good.

The sun's nice.

'Cause Saturday was Jewish New Year, right?

Right. I guess I forgot.

Did my rabbi call you?

No. My stepbrother's Jewish, and he says that

there are services all week long at the Hillel House.

You interested? I don't think so.

I've avoided it for years.

How come? I don't know.

Maybe it was that time at my bar mitzvah

I stood up and said, "Today I am a man."

You are so bad.

What's the deal, why are you

getting religious on me?

It wouldn't have anything to do

with the fact that I'm dying,

would it?

All right.

I just thought I'd mention it.

Okay...

I will go.

I just don't want to hear you try and pronounce Rosh Hashanah.

These Protestant lips wouldn't dare.

So, when are you gonna teach me

that Queens trick? Never.

Not while there's a breath in this skinny body.

Jimmy! Sorry.

It goes down with the ship.

I bet you showed Gordon how to do it.

Actually, Gordon taught it to me.

He had so many friends around.

Especially when he was sick.

I kind of cut myself off from everyone after he died.

I was wondering about that. You mean

why I don't have any friends?

I just... never wanted anyone to see me the way they saw Gordon.

I understand.

Well, I transferred so late

that all of the athletic scholarships were gone,

so I'm working. (laughs)

Uh...

actually, I kind of have to get back, if that's okay.

Yeah, sure.

I think we're done anyway.

KELLY (whispers): Okay?

KELLY: Danny, thanks for coming.

You did great.

Yeah, it didn't feel like it.

Thanks so much for wasting our time.

Ellen! She can still hear you.

Like it's a big shock that she's not gonna be an Alpha.

The girl can't even decide if she's a jock or a nerd.

I think she'd be a great addition.

Personally, Donna,

I don't care for the athletic type

sharing my bathroom,

if you know what I mean.

No. What is that supposed to mean?

Come on, Donna.

No clothes, no style.

Bad hair and no personality.

She's the total package.

Ellen, you didn't even give her a chance.

You know, not everyone in a sorority

has to look just like you.

We're supposed to be friends, not clones.

Hmm, true.

But then again, not everybody has to be an Alpha.

I vote...

a big "no way."

Look, just... let her have a second interview.

If you blackcard her now, she's done.

(sighs) Okay.

I'll wait till next time to dump your charity case.

TV ANCHOR: That's it for this edition

of the evening news.

But just before we go,

let's have another look at our Menthol Men,

who put the myth of Big Man on campus to permanent rest.

I'm Tracy Gaylian and that's the C.U. News.

(phone rings)

Yes?

Oh, hello, Dean Shaw.

Yes, I'm just watching it.

No, I had no idea they were going to show it.

I didn't even know there was any videotape.

I'm as outraged as you are.

No, obviously,

you are more outraged, I only meant...

(knocking on door)

Really?

What?

I can't believe you came.

We haven't eaten with your father in a long time.

When's our reservation?

I suppose I should be, um,

pleased you're wearing pants.

What's that supposed to mean?

You humiliated my dad and me.

That wasn't me! Steve,

you might as well have had KEG printed on your chest.

Besides, I've, uh,

kind of seen your... before, so.

Okay, okay, it was me. So?

I just don't get it.

I mean, streaking is like so '70s.

I didn't have a choice! It was supposed

to be just the pledges,

but then Muntz challenges me,

and what was I supposed to do?

Well, we can, um,

change your condition

from, uh, brain dead

to just plain old... stupid.

What were those idiots thinking of?

Hello, Steve. Chancellor,

yeah, I know it was a disgrace

but oh, gosh, you gotta admit it was pretty funny.

I don't think so. Nor does Dean Shaw.

A woman whose career has been built on political correctness.

She wants the entire Interfraternity Council

charged with sexual harassment.

Oh, come on, it was a harmless prank.

Steve, everybody doesn't think so.

Maybe we could have contained this thing,

but since it's been broadcast, it's not going to go away.

It's not? No. Fortunately,

we have the culprits dead to rights on videotape.

You do? Oh, yes.

Thanks to my good friend Brandon Walsh,

someone is going to pay very dearly for this little escapade.

VOICE MAIL: Hello, you've reached

Kenny Bannerman's office.

If you wish to leave a message, please press one.

If you wish to return to the receptionist,

please press... (line disconnects)

(phone ringing)

Hello?

Where the hell are you?

Mom, I forgot to call you,

I'm sorry, uh...

We just took Michael out for some ice cream

after his, uh, soccer game.

Huh! Oh, the all-American family, huh?

Well, let me speak to Diane.

Maybe she'd like to hear what a bastard you are.

Uh, I'm really sorry.

I totally forgot that

Michael's game was rescheduled.

But he did great, you know, uh,

the game was tied and he scored twice.

Oh, well, that's more than I can say for you.

Thanks a lot for the romantic celebration.

How can I be a month behind

after only two weeks of school?

DONNA: Tell me about it.

I haven't even opened a book yet.

Maybe when Pledge Week's over.

How'd that thing with Danny go? Not great.

They were so catty to her.

Especially Ellen Fogarty, ugh.

I told you I didn't think

they were gonna go for an athlete.

She wants to blackcard her

because she doesn't like her hair or something.

I can't believe they're so stuck on appearances.

Well, now you know why I'm not spending much time

at the old Alpha House.

What, you think I should give up?

If you want to. No.

I want to change some things there before I leave.

Sounds like a good idea.

(chuckles)

So, how's Jimmy doing?

He's so amazing.

He's sick, and he worries about me.

(phone ringing)

Hello?

Hey, Steve.

Yeah, sure. Hold on.

Clare, it's Steve!

Tell him I'll call him later.

She says she'll call you later.

Mm-hmm. Mm... okay.

He wants to know when.

When he grows up.

You tell him, I'm not telling him.

Hey... (giggles)

Um...

(Brandon laughing)

It's not funny!

No, no, no, my friend, lets review.

You streaked your girlfriend's father.

Now, where I come from,

that's funny. Yeah, well,

if Clare has her way, next time there won't be

anything to cover up. Lorraine has really

got her lederhosen in a knot over this, huh?

It's so unfair!

Technically, I wasn't even streaking.

I had my loins covered.

With shaving cream--

well, until the sprinklers came on.

It was a joke.

I didn't think it would turn into such a big deal.

I think it ranks right up there with stealing

Professor Randal's baseball.

Or the time that you broke into West Beverly

to change your grades.

That was a good one.

And then there's the time that...

Yeah, but nobody taped me doing that stuff.

Chancellor Arnold and this Dean Goody Two-shoes

want to barbecue my butt with that videotape.

May not be bad with a teriyaki glaze.

(doorbell chimes)

Don't worry, bro,

I'll do what I can.

Here we go again.

Brandon.

Hi. Hi.

Kenny Bannerman.

How are you? Good, good.

How are you? Good.

How are things with your folks being away?

Okay.

Yeah, it was a little weird the first year,

but everything's settled in pretty nicely now.

Well, that's good.

Um, is Valerie here?

Yeah, she's upstairs.

Oh, you know she's my client. Right.

I didn't know accountants made house calls.

Oh, well, um, (chuckles)

I forgot to get her signature, on some paperwork, you know?

It's in the car,

paperwork all the time.

Right.

I'll get her for you.

Thank you.

(knocking on door)

Come in.

Kenny Bannerman's downstairs.

Really? Yeah.

He said he's got some papers for you to sign.

Oh.

That means you're not coming down?

No.

What do you want me to tell him?

(scoffs) I don't care.

No, wait.

Tell him I went to go get some frozen yogurt.

He'll get the message. Frozen yogurt?

Is there something going on here that I don't know about,

that I probably should know about?

No, it's nothing.

It's just a... a little business reversal.

Mm-hmm.

DONNA: Hi.

Hello.

You're pretty good.

It's what I do.

I guess I should have had enough sense to stick to it.

Look, Danny, about yesterday...

I guess that was pretty funny, huh?

No, not to me.

Listen,

there's another interview.

So, you still have a chance to pull it off.

Why would I want to put myself through that again?

Because you want to be an Alpha.

And we'd be lucky to have you.

Since I was little,

all I've ever done is shoot hoops.

I've just never been good

at being a girl without a basketball.

Some people can't hit

a three-point shot.

I guess I should be able to live

without being a babe.

Danny, you know we're not talking about beauty.

Just a little cosmetics.

I never got into makeup.

I could teach you if you want.

There's really nothing to it.

Hmm...

(laughing): See?

There's hope yet.

(giggling) Wow.

(both laughing)

I'm surprised at you, Brandon.

And I must admit a little disappointed.

Well, would you like my resignation, sir?

I told you earlier. I want the tape.

So do a lot of people.

I've already had three calls from Hard Copy.

Brandon, I guess I just don't find all this

quite as amusing as you do.

With all due respect, sir, maybe you should.

The guys were just exhibiting school spirit.

We both know that if that's all they exhibited,

we wouldn't be here now.

MARK: Sorry I'm late, sir,

let me just say that we intend to cooperate fully, okay?

Indeed and could you

explain to me why Brandon refused to send the tape over

to my office despite my request two hours ago?

Is that true, Brandon?

I called a lawyer at the ACLU.

And she thinks this could be an issue of journalistic integrity

and I happen to agree.

Well, will you tell your lawyer

that my lawyer says that

California University runs this station,

and therefore, that tape is the property

of this university.

Sir, there's no need for any lawyers, okay?

Look, I happen to agree with the chancellor here, okay?

This isn't your decision; it's mine.

Fine, you can have the tape.

If we still have it.

What does that mean?

That means that the work tapes

have been recycled already.

There should be an off-air master,

but I don't know if we kept it.

I'd be more than happy to look for you though

and make a dub if there happens to be one.

Fine, please do.

You have 24 hours.

I'm going to say this as plainly as I can.

No tape, no station.

Do I make myself clear, gentlemen?

Thank you.

What was that all about?

Of course we have an off-air master.

Look, Mark, the guys on that tape

are gonna get in big trouble.

One of them just happens to be my best friend.

Oh, I see.

Well, so much for

the journalistic integrity crap, huh?

This is about covering your ass.

It isn't crap, it's a perfectly valid defense.

Look, I don't care what you call it, okay?

Maybe you're willing to risk the station over this,

but I'm not!

MAN: Happy New Year.

Thank you.

Same to you.

Good Yontif.

So, Kelly, what did you think?

It was very interesting.

What are the Days of Awe?

Those are the ten days between Rosh Hashanah and Yom Kippur.

And that's the Day of Atonement, right?

Right. It's the holiest day of the year.

You're supposed to spend it reflecting on your life

and preparing to atone for your sins.

It's like confession, except you get to do

the whole year's sins all at once.

Do you get absolution?

That's the best part.

If you ask anybody for forgiveness

during the Days of Awe, they have to give it to you.

Really? Yeah.

It's like a big close-out sale.

And it's final, too, because by Yom Kippur,

the Book of Life is shut and can't be changed.

The Book of Life?

That's where all the names are written.

What's gonna happen in the coming year.

Who's gonna live and who's gonna die.

Just relax, okay?

My guy's gonna make everything go away; don't worry about it.

Here we go.

Hey, Bran!

Just telling the guys what a stand-up dude you are.

It's a done deal, right?

No, it, uh, it isn't.

But it will be.

I don't think so, Steve.

Come on, Bran, I'm counting on you to save my bacon here.

Unfortunately, this isn't just about your bacon,

except for the part that you showed the campus.

You told me you'd take care of this, Brandon.

No, Steve, I told you I would try, and I did.

I failed. What else can I do?

So I take the fall and you walk, huh?

I'm sorry, what? Ah, come on, Brandon!

This is just as much your fault as it is mine. More!

And that would be because...?

I didn't tape it.

I didn't show it.

That's a weak argument, Steve.

So?

So, I did what I could. I think you might

have to clean up this mess on your own. I'm sorry.

KENNY: Those are the projections on

advanced tissue, Helen.

Just, uh, put them anywhere.

VALERIE: It's not Helen.

What are you doing here?

Well, I'm still your client, aren't I?

Well, certainly, Ms. Malone.

Maybe you could speak with Helen out there,

and she'll make an appointment for you.

I had an appointment.

But you didn't show up.

What the hell were you thinking, Valerie?

You owe me for last night.

And I'm here to collect.

I went to your house last night to apologize to you,

but you wouldn't see me.

I decide when you get to apologize.

And I've decided it's right now.

Valerie, please.

Do you want me?

Do I want you?

Do you?

You know I want you.

Then take it or leave it.

I can't thank you guys enough for helping me out like this.

Well, that's what a sorority is all about, or should be.

Okay, Danny, stand over there,

I'm gonna get a before picture of you.

Oh, whoa, wait.

Feeling good about yourself is half the battle.

Stand up straight.

(chuckles)

I feel good about most of myself.

It's just the last six or eight inches.

KELLY: Well, when I was modeling,

I always wished I was taller.

So did my agent.

Very nice!

(chuckles)

So, what are we going to do?

Besides set the women's movement back about 20 years?

What? Oprah's a feminist,

and she has glamour makeovers on her show all the time.

I know, I just think that they should

accept Danny on her own terms.

Thanks, Kelly.

The thing is that these are my own terms.

I really want to try and look better.

There's plenty of glamorous female athletes.

Gail Devers, Flo-Jo, Gabrielle Reece--

she's practically a supermodel.

So don't worry, you're in good hands.

(chuckles)

Donna, what are you doing?

What?

I love this look.

(chuckles)

What?

Clare!

Oh, honey, you look beautiful.

Let me see.

What is it?

Well, just what I thought: made in heaven.

"What is it" as in why did you ask me to come here?

Neutral ground.

Come on, let's have a seat.

Clare, I know I can act foolish sometimes. (chuckles)

Well, I'd alert the media, but I think they already know.

I'm trying to apologize here.

What, I'm not showing you the proper amount of gratitude?

Come on, Clare, I'm really sorry.

I don't know what else to do!

Well, you could start by apologizing to my dad.

You didn't tell him, did you? I mean, about me?

He'll have the tape by tomorrow, Steve.

Thank you

for having so much faith in me.

I'm so upset I can't even think straight.

What if this is the end of KEG house?

What if this is the end of the entire Greek system?

Leave it to you to bring down an entire institution.

Got a sec?

Oh, thanks.

Must have read my mind.

I just wanted to say how much I admired what you said to Mark.

Unfortunately, Mark didn't feel the same way.

But thanks.

He's right, you know.

Protecting a friend is a bad reason to invoke privilege.

But that doesn't mean I think

we should give him the tape.

Do you think the Supreme Court would agree?

Definitely.

Anything I can do to help?

You could file the tape with the Whitewater papers?

I have a nasty little magnet

that could do some serious damage.

(chuckles)

I think we're in enough trouble already.

Unfortunately,

tomorrow, the tape goes to the administration.

Where's Jimmy?

Kelly, I think you'd better talk to Linda.

KELLY: Linda?

I'm glad you're here.

He's been asking for you.

I was with him yesterday, and he was fine.

I know.

But last night, he started running a high fever.

By this morning, it was Pneumocystis.

He's been doing so well.

That's just the way it is sometimes.

You never know what's gonna be the last straw.

Can I see him?

Of course. But, Kelly,

he's very ill.

How ill? Honestly?

I'm afraid he's not gonna last the day.

Hey, Kelly.

Hi.

I guess some goof wrote my name

in the Book of Life in disappearing ink.

Easy come, easy go.

I hope.

I'll stay with you.

Good.

My cards.

What, your cards?

My deck of cards in the drawer.

I want to show you something.

This is a little thing called The Constant Heart.

Remember?

'Cause no matter how

you try and hide it, the heart...

Jimmy...

Uh, it's really simple.

Please, don't.

I thought you wanted to know the trick.

Last chance.

I can't believe this is happening.

What's happening to me has already happened.

Long time ago.

But why does it have to be now?

What difference does it make?

I don't know.

You have a date with David for Yom Kippur services.

They're serving smokies

and sauerkraut tomorrow.

I don't know.

Kelly, can I tell you something?

You made me so happy.

You're my first real friend since Gordon died.

That's a reason to live.

Actually, it's a reason to die.

Now I don't have to be alone.

I'm sorry.

What about me?

That's the easy part.

You're supposed to live.

Fall in love.

Make babies.

Gordon taught me something else.

Want to know what it was?

To never hide your heart.

That's the real trick.

I think I'm ready to learn it now.

Good thing you're a quick study.

I need to see the Chancellor.

I'm sorry. He's busy, Steve.

This is really important.

Do you have an appointment?

No. I have a confession.

Well, you'll just have to wait.

He's punishing someone else right now.

Dean Shaw, all I meant was that I think that expulsion is,

is a little extreme.

Actually, I don't.

I-I don't agree that, that, that reflects a total lack of empathy

for the victims of male oppression at all.

I have the tape in my office now.

(chuckles) Well...

I haven't viewed it yet because I'm still talking to you

on the telephone, am I not?

Thank you, Dean Shaw. (receiver clicks)

Well, gentlemen, I don't see any point

in further prolonging this, do you?

No, sir.

Brandon?

No, sir.

Maybe it's a little further forward on the tape.

Maybe you didn't rewind it. Go back.

I don't understand.

The timer's set automatically

to make a protection dub.

(sighs)

Sorry, sir, I don't know what to say.

Brandon,

have you got an explanation to this?

Is Venus in retrograde?

That tape is blank.

That much is clear.

Well,

I guess that's that.

Sir? I guess

I'll just have to call Dean Shaw

and tell her that the, uh...

the chain of evidence was contaminated.

That's how you say it, isn't it?

Yeah, I believe it is, sir.

No evidence, no case.

I asked you for the tape.

You gave me the tape.

What more could we do?

Well,

thank you, gentlemen.

Thank you, Chancellor.

You set me up.

I didn't set you up, man.

Brandon! Steve, hang on a second.

Well, you left me sitting in there just sweating.

What do you want from me?

What am I supposed to do about it?

All right, I'll talk to you guys later.

Bran, you're off the hook.

I'm gonna come clean.

Go home, Steve.

No, no, I have to bare my soul. I have to, Bran.

No, you don't.

Trust me. It's an honesty thing, man.

Honesty's the best policy.

You said so, you told me that once.

Steve, I think now is a... discretion is

the-better-part- of-valor-type moment.

You know what I'm saying?

ARNOLD: Steve,

I understand you have some kind of confession?

Yeah. I wanted to confess that I,

I, I, uh, uh...

I forgot to invite you to the barbecue

at the KEG house tomorrow night.

You think you could make it?

I'd be delighted.

I hear you have

a fine group of pledges.

(chuckles nervously)

I'll buy you a beer.

I'll tell you all about it.

Thank you.

Well, you saw her last time.

Well, looks like you're all agreed on Danny.

I still don't like her.

But I suppose you're right.

She's an asset to the house.

Hi, again, Danny.

I prefer Danielle.

A rose by any other name...

Oh, just tell her.

We've all talked it over, and the Pledge Committee

is happy to extend you a bid to pledge Alpha House.

Really?

Thank you

very much.

I should say that there's

a lesson here for all of us.

I certainly hope so. If Danny--

sorry-- Danielle

had shown this much poise the first time,

we wouldn't have needed to reinterview.

But as she is, any sorority

would be proud to have her.

That's just what they said at Zeta Chi.

I just left there.

So, what are you gonna do?

I've already accepted their bid.

You did what? Good for you.

I'm sorry, Donna.

No,

I think we're the ones that should be sorry.

Whatever.

I just want you all to know that

you were my first choice.

Thank you anyway.

Well, I guess I'll be going now, too.

Donna, what are you doing?

We still need pledges.

What you need is a new Rush Chairman.

What? Maybe she'll be able

to convince you to start looking at people

for who they really are.

Thank you for everything, Donna.

Oh, my pleasure all the way.

Especially the look on Ellen's face when I told her I quit.

You didn't have to do that.

Yes, I did.

So can an Alpha accept a friendly gift from a Zeta Chi?

I don't know.

I mean, that could violate inter-sorority rules of ethics.

But, uh, what were you thinking of?

Season tickets.

Oh, hmm. Well, I mean, only if they're courtside.

Absolutely.

(both chuckle)

Oh...

Blank! Blank!

I can't believe the videotape was, was blank!

As blank as the vast space in between your ears, my friend.

I still don't get what happened.

Well, it turned out to be more suitable

for Unsolved Mysteries than Hard Copy.

Well, from what I saw, I don't know

if it would exactly qualify for Hard Copy, but...

Give me a break, okay? The sprinkler water was cold.

You, I owe an apology.

Yes, you do, but I'm not proud.

I'll go first. I'm sorry, man.

No, I'm sorry.

What about me?

I owe everybody an apology.

Not me. STEVE: I still can't get over it.

I mean to think I almost told the truth for nothing.

(laughs)

CLARE: No, actually,

you almost told the truth for me,

which is kind of sweet.

Oh, yeah, baby, how sweet?

Not that sweet.

Oh, come on, sweet enough

to make you want to take a nap in the afternoon?

In your dreams.

Oh, I got plenty of shaving cream left.

What day is today?

Today could be dress-up day.

♪ Come with me. ♪

Remember that nasty little magnet I told you about?

That's not a little magnet.

You are very bad.

The worst.

Well, now I know the who and the where and the how.

I just can't figure out why.

No? Because I like Steve and I like you.

And my mother always taught me

to be nice to the people you like.

Well, I guess I should be thanking your mother.

What would she... what would she think

an appropriate reward would be?

Oh, Mom's a big believer in kissing.

It's kind of a rural thing.

Well, you know I do have this policy

against workplace romance, but, uh....

Thanks.

Especially since it's a violation of policy.

You know, once Mark finds out it was you,

you're probably gonna get fired anyway.

I'll look forward to it.

(chuckles)

(sniffles)

I'm sorry.

Yeah.

Nat told me.

I brought you this.

It's a Yahrzeit candle.

You're supposed to light it for the dead.

I'll just leave it right here.

Look... I know there's nothing I can say

to make you feel any better.

I don't want to feel better, David.

I'm just so sad, you know?

But at the same time, I feel angry.

I'm mad at him for leaving me.

How sick is that?

He said he could

die now because I was his friend.

That just doesn't make sense.

It doesn't seem fair, you know?

You gave him a lot.

You know that, right?

Yeah.

I guess I have to forgive him.

You said that's how it works, right?

Yeah.

That's what it says in the Book of Life.

(sighs, sniffles)

How do I do this?

You just light it.

Read just the English.

"May the Source of peace send peace to all who mourn,

and comfort all the bereaved among us.

Amen."

(sighs)