Original subtitles

Smart Cookie.

"Please put all wet food in the garbage disposal."

"I am sensitive to the smell of rotting food."

"Don't let the same dog bite you twice."

"What did you do with my sunglasses?"

All right, people, let's get started.

Put your bags aside.

Now, I know you all wake up every morning and you brush your teeth...

hopefully.

You drink your coffee, and you smoke your cigarettes.

You put on your little leotard.

And you come to audition.

You come to work.

But what makes today the day that you book?

What makes today more than just a job,

more than just your stupid little dancer's life playing out in a loop?

Five, six, seven, eight...

One and two.

Three and four.

And five and six, seven and eight.

One, two, three, four,

five, six, seven and eight.

One, two, three, four,

five, six and seven and...

Athena, how long have you been auditioning for me?

Six years.

Six years?

So I'm gonna ask you one last time:

how...

bad...

do you want this?

- Max, you know... - Shut up!

More than your family?

- Yes. - More than your friends?

What friends?

All right. You can go.

Choke me.

Harder.

Like you're raping me.

What?

I like it rough.

Harder!

Oh, God!

Oh, my God, I'm gonna cum!

Oh, God.

Oh, God.

I think I'm still drunk.

I'm bad with names in general.

Bryan.

- Right. - Bryan.

Well, Bry, um, that...

that was fun.

It was fun.

Athena.

Give it to me.

Don't leave me hangin'.

At some point, did you ask me to rape you?

Did that actually happen?

What if I did?

I've just been out of the game for a while.

I don't know if that's, like, a thing now.

I don't know if I know an actress in L.A. who doesn't smoke cigarettes.

Oh, why, have you been fucking a whole load of actresses?

Maybe.

Well, it's all right, 'cause I'm not an actress.

You're not?

Sex is better when guys think they're banging actresses.

And Kindergarten teacher is a close second, but, uh...

it's no actress.

Kindergarten teacher is pretty sexy actually.

Mmm. Well, I'm pretty sexy.

So how long have you been doing that?

Not long.

Because I'm not really a kindergarten teacher.

You, uh...

I think your booty call is trying to get a hold of you.

Booty call, no.

Boyfriend, yes.

I'm kidding.

I can't tell if you're funny or just bat-shit crazy.

You must have a pretty lame sense of humor if you think that's funny.

Who's Jack?

Dude, I just met you five minutes ago.

- Please don't snoop my phone! - Oh, oh, oh, oh!

Give it back.

Tell me who Jack is first.

Jack? Jack is my father, okay?

He drunk dials me sometimes.

Prove it.

I really don't feel like talking to him right now.

It's because you're a liar.

I only lied about being an actress.

- Mm-hmm. - Uh-huh.

And a kindergarten teacher, so...

track record's not great.

Okay, you want me to prove it to you?

Fine.

Fine, let's see what Jack, my father, has to say.

- Athena... - All right...

- I get it. - Goddess of wisdom,

it's your...

It's Daddy.

King Jack, the Duke of Soul.

I need you to come to Florida as soon as possible.

Big News.

I... have...

cancer!

Honey Bunny.

Did you forget about me?

No matter how hard I tried, I could never forget about you.

Is it just me,

or did your boobs get smaller?

It's just you.

Aw, Honey...

Athena.

Come here.

Come on.

I got it. It's fine.

I got it.

Wow. Pink.

Yeah, it's been pink for a while. You wouldn't know that though.

You haven't visited me in three years. What do you think?

So how's the dancing going?

Huh?

Hey, I hear that all the young girls

are shavin' off all their cabbage these days.

Is that true?

Cabbage Patch Kids!

Well, I'm not "all the young girls," so how am I supposed to know?

Well, what about you? You going bald eagle now or what?

No.

No?

Because they say that... That... that you feel things better

because of the, uh, the whatchamacallit.

The, uh... The nerve endings.

- Nerve endings? - Yeah, that's what they're saying.

If you want everyone to know you have a small johnson...

Drive that car!

Screw you, you fuckin' asshole!

Sixty years old, six feet, 193 pounds.

No history of cancer,

no history of heart disease,

no history of anything aside from cataract surgery in 2008

and high cholesterol.

See, Honey Bunny? Except for the cancer, I'm in perfect health.

Oh! Oh, pay attention.

The doctor is gonna show us a picture of Daddy's lungs,

and we're gonna see what cancer looks like.

- Ooh-hoo-hoo! - Ooh!

Based on PET scan, CAT scan, and biopsy today,

we have determined that the tumors are spreading

from your lungs to your lymph nodes,

which is typically a precursor for spreading to the brain.

- Wait, what? - Why are you taking notes?

What do you think, he's gonna give you a test after?

Tests so far indicate no brain cancer.

Maybe the doctor can tell us the name of a good Indian restaurant

where we can get a bite after.

- Jack, please. - She calls me Jack.

I'm her dad! She calls me Jack.

Why don't we try a version of Papa Bear?

Why don't we try listening to the doctor?

Fine. What's with the, uh... the Limburgs?

Lymph nodes, yes.

Perhaps you could see better if you removed your sunglasses?

How'd you know?

I don't understand.

We're invisible!

When he's wearing his sunglasses indoors,

we have to pretend he's invisible.

Theoretically, you can't tell him to take them off

because you can't see him.

Right.

Well, since I can hear your voice, Mr. Morehead,

but I can't see you,

I have to assume you're wearing your invisible glasses

and therefore request you remove them,

so we can discuss the treatment options for your cancer.

Wow! There you are.

Great.

It's okay to be scared.

But I'm not.

I have my Honey Bunny here.

You're here.

Jack.

I told you. Call me Papa Bear.

Jack, I'm serious.

I don't have many left. You know how I hate to waste.

♪ I love daddy ♪

♪ He's not baddy ♪

I love you, princess.

Promise me you'll stay with me...

till the end?

Then you have to do everything possible to beat this.

All right. Guess I'll switch to ultra lights.

No.

It means you have to quit.

For good this time.

For all the nicotine-starved children in Africa, right?

Ha ha!

Twenty-four fifty.

What?!

Twenty-four dollars and fifty cents for parking?

That's what I said, sir.

Aw, why you gotta do a brother like that?

I was just gettin' my lung cancer test results,

which were positive, I have cancer,

and they didn't validate my ticket.

Can't you help me out?

There is no validation, so...

No, dig this. Dig this, Superfly.

I got a year to three years to live.

Just... just help me out...

Dad, please. Just pay so we can go home.

You want to give me 25 bucks for parking?

- Hell, no. - Well, then zip it!

Seriously, what can you do for me?

If you buy something at the gift shop,

they validate in there.

Really?

Sorry. Sorry.

Thank you for your patience.

Relax, buddy. Relax.

Sorry, I have cancer, so... I'm sorry.

Here you go. Thank you, my brother.

Ah! Unh! Jiminy Crickets!

I forgot to ask the Punjabi doctor where we could eat.

Aw, Jiminy Crickets!

- Let's go. - No, not those.

Athena, we don't have all day.

I told you. We're only eating organic from here on out, okay?

I forgot how much you like to spend my dough.

Oh, a banana. It tastes like a banana.

Come on.

Let's go, Athena!

What are we having, Honey Bunny?

Salad. And my name is Athena, for the third time.

And my name is Honey Bunny for the third time.

And what... what are we having for the main course?

This is the main course.

I guess what I mean is then what are we having for our entrée?

What... This is an entrée salad.

There's chicken, grilled zucchini, onions, peppers.

- Yeah? - Look, we got everything in here.

- We got radishes... - What are we having for dessert?

You know what? I got to take this call.

You want some real food?

Yeah? All right.

- Daddy? - Yeah?

Do you know where my orange marker is?

How would I know that?

Why would I have any idea where your orange marker is?

I don't know.

Well, then why are you asking me?

I don't know.

All right.

All right, I'll be right back.

But I'm hungry now.

Well, if you don't want salad...

- Here.

Eat that.

I'll be right back.

Hi, I just had a miscall from this number.

- Hey. - Who is this?

It's Bryan.

- Who? - Bryan.

I'm sorry. I meet a lot of people.

Bryan... it doesn't ring any bells.

From the other night?

The one who heard the message from your dad?

Did I give you my number?

Is this a bad time?

Listen, I can't fuck you, all right?

I'm out of town for a while.

No, I wasn't calling for...

I just... I just wanted to check up on you.

Oh, I get it.

What, you get off on rescuing damsels in distress, is that it?

What? No.

I do not get off on whatever you just said.

I just was thinking about you and wanted to give you a call.

Jesus Christ, I wasn't prepared for an interrogation.

Wait, I gotta go!

Have some. Drink up, drink up.

What, you're smoking now?

You're, like, four.

I'm six and a half.

Yes. Yes, you're six and a half.

Yes, you are, girl. Come here.

You do not want to start smoking now.

Believe me, that is not what you want to do.

Mmm.

Wait, Honey Bunny, stop! Seriously.

- You're mean. - No, I'm not.

To Daddy you are.

Yeah? Well, Daddy doesn't always behave the way a daddy should.

Yes, he does.

If you can't see that, you totally drank the Kool-Aid.

- Kool-Aid's for coloreds. - Great.

Now he's turning you into a racist, too.

A what?

Listen, there's Daddy's world, and then there's the real world.

Is the real world L.A.?

Turn back around.

What are you doing?

Drinking Bailey's over three ice cubes.

- Why? - 'Cause that's what it recommended

on the back of the bottle.

Why are you still awake?

I want to listen with you.

No. No, kid. Back to bed. Go.

- But I don't want to... - Come on. Go on, back to bed.

But I don't want to.

Say good night, moon.

But I don't wanna go to bed!

I'm gonna count to three.

One...

Two...

Good night, kittens, good night, mittens.

Say good night to the boys.

Good night, Miles.

Good night, B.B.

Good night, Coltrane.

Good girl. Good night, princess.

Well, you can expect all sorts of things:

lack of appetite, lethargy,

hair loss, loss of bowel movement,

um, dry mouth, difficulty swallowing.

It's important that he take a rest when he needs to feel rested.

Here's the pamphlet from the, uh, lung cancer alliance.

Thank you.

Did you have any other questions?

Uh, yeah. Yeah.

Uh, how long does the first cycle of chemo last?

It's six weeks.

He'll come in for five-hour treatments Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays.

Then we check to see if the cancer spread

to assess whether or not he needs another six-week course.

I'd like to make an announcement to everybody.

I have officially quit smoking.

Oh. Well, I think we would all agree that that's a positive step.

Um, have you noticed anything different since you quit?

I have.

Boners.

First thing in the morning soon as I get up,

a hard as a rock boner.

Hasn't happened to me in years.

What's that about?

Uh, well, the blood flow starts to build back up...

Wait, wait. I got another question.

Does cancer... Would that allow me to get handicapped parking?

Um...

I don't want to hear it.

I didn't say anything.

- I know what you're thinking. - No, I'm...

Oh, she's here.

Who is that?

I didn't make that much food.

- Hey! - Mmm!

Athena, this is Seashell.

Seashell, this is my daughter, Athena.

Hello, Athena.

Seashell?

Actually, it's pronounced Say-chel,

but Jacky here can call me whatever he likes.

- Jacky? - Yeah, Jacky.

I see you're still paying women to have sex with you.

I don't pay them for the sex with me.

- I pay them to leave! - I pay them to leave! Yeah.

Athena, I could die any day now.

You want to deprive me of my final Seashell experience?

You are a piece of work, you know that?

Don't be such a square.

Marriage is just a socially acceptable form of prostitution.

Prostitution is illegal!

When you marry a woman, you take a vow to pay for her.

She takes a vow to fuck you.

The problem comes when she doesn't hold up her end of the bargain.

Here, I can't open this. Here.

What is this?

Oh, dude, are you for real?

- "Oh, dude"? - Viagra?

I'm not your dude.

Call me a version of Daddy-O or Papa Bear. Capisce?

You can't even open the lid.

Do you honestly think this is a good idea?

Because I've got something wrong with my hand here,

but it has nothing to do with the cancer.

Right, look, I haven't lost a hair on my head.

It's been a week, okay?

And not everyone loses their hair from chemo.

There's one left. You know how I hate to waste.

One pill is not gonna kill me.

Athena...

Think of all the flaccid children in Africa.

Come on, help an old guy out.

Please?

Come on.

Come on.

- I hate you. - No, you don't.

- I do. - No, you don't.

Ah. Was that hard?

- It will be now. - Ohh!

Come here, Seashell. You just sit here.

Okay. Thank you.

What are you doing?

I'm praying, sweet child.

My father doesn't pray.

He's an atheist.

Well, that's all fine, but in the midst of all the craziness in the world,

we gots to remember to be grateful for our blessings.

Grateful for what?

Well, for one thing,

I think it's something that you're back here with your daddy, Athena.

Thank you, Seashell.

And what are you thankful for?

I'm thankful for the pharmaceutical companies.

Thankful that they can make a pill

that can help an elderly man with cancer get an erection.

All right, that's enough.

I'm thankful for Daddy teaching me how to drive,

for James Bond, and for my press-on nails.

Oh, and hugs.

Oh, you know what?

If you'll excuse me, Father,

it seems that I've suddenly lost my appetite.

Now I know why alligators eat their young.

Slap my ass.

You bitch!

- Join us! - God!

Yoo-hoo! Hi!

Oh!

Oh, my goodness, you just keep getting tinier, don't you?

I've been on the paleo for the last year.

Fuck that L.A. shit, all right?

I'm on that Snickers diet.

Oh, look at you, you're growing, really.

Thanks, 'Theens.

Come on, come sit. Sit, sit, sit.

Look!

So, how's the dancing?

It's, um... I don't know, it's, um...

I don't want to jinx it.

Do you want a beer? Maybe some wine?

They have some pretty good wine here.

Bob!

So why are you home?

I'm just visiting.

What are you guys doing here...

together?

Nat didn't tell you?

I'm the automatic plus-one these days.

Nat, do you have to go to the bathroom?

I... I need to go to the bathroom.

Oh, okay.

Well, we would bring you along if we could, baby.

You know what, it is the only place you don't get an automatic plus-one.

Oh, please with that, all right?

Not everything is about you.

What happened to that guy you were dating before?

The, um... Fuck, what was his name?

The, uh... the Mike guy?

What happened to him?

Uh, first of all, it's Mitch.

And if you really must know, he was a Jew.

- So? - You know I love the Jews.

I do love the Jews, don't get me wrong. I love the Jews.

But Mitch was very Jewish.

I mean he told me that the only way we could get married is if I converted,

and something about that just...

Uh, did not sit right with me.

So, wait, you come home and the only non-Jew you could find

happened to be my high school sweetheart?

Your sweetheart? Okay, you're delusional, right?

You know that, right?

He liked you for, like, a minute when we were 17,

and, honey, let's be real... You broke up with him.

You left.

Shoot, you haven't emailed or called me in God knows how long,

and all I know is that it was long enough for this shit to go down

and you not have a fucking clue.

So what are you doing home, Athena?

Can you pass me the toilet paper, please?

Not till you tell me what you're doing home.

Aah!

Wait, he makes you happy?

Wes, you're happy with him?

Yeah.

Yeah.

And I'm sorry.

I really am.

If I thought you gave a shit, I would have made it a point to tell you.

You're at least going to invite me to your wedding though, right?

Are you even gonna come back for the wedding?

- I will come back for the wedding, okay? - Oh!

Please pass me some toilet paper.

Fuck, are you okay?

You're pregnant.

Wes doesn't know, all right?

And I cannot tell him before the first trimester

because then he gets, like-

And, you know what, his mom is just like...

Stop. Are we talking about the same guy who makes you quote unquote happy?

- Okay. - Enough.

Tell me why you're here.

Speak to me.

I don't hear anything.

My dad has cancer.

Oh, my God.

So if anybody asks,

just tell them that your mother's dead.

That's why you don't have a mother.

But you have the best dad in the world, so it's okay.

So Mommy's in heaven?

Heaven's a bunch of bullshit, kid.

Trust me.

Some very, very smart people invented heaven

to sell cream cheese and toilet paper.

What happens when you die?

I don't.

See? Look.

I'm right here.

I'm not going anywhere.

You're stuck with me, baby.

Daddy, have you found my orange marker yet?

Come here. Let me impart some wisdom on you, daughter.

Okay?

Sometimes in life, people lose things.

You, for example, you lost your orange marker.

Now, I'm sure this cute, peanut-size brain of yours

doesn't believe that you truly lost the orange marker,

only that you can't find it.

Which is why you keep asking Daddy if he's found it.

But there's a very strong probability

that you're never gonna see that orange marker again.

It's gone.

You understand?

Athena!

Athena?

Athena!

I went to Costco, then I went to a deli.

Got you a pastrami sandwich right here.

I went to Bed Bath & Beyond, then I went to a great thrift store.

And, look at this...

Look at that.

It's a pillow on one side...

desk on the other.

- Wow... - Is that unbelievable?

That's unbelievable.

Wait until you see this. The best part.

Here, the piece de résistance, or whatever that is.

Here we go.

A hot plate. Isn't that great?

Now you can cook for us.

No more salads. Well, salads, but just not as many.

But what's wrong with the stove?

The repair guy said it was broken, said I needed a new one.

And those guys are always trying to gouge you,

so I got this instead.

Look at that.

Look at that, good as new.

Good as new.

Hey. Hey, you, no more vitamins.

But they're healthy!

"Oh! Oh, what is it Dad? What did you get?"

Well, I'm glad you asked.

I got some weights,

'cause now I can fulfill my lifelong ambition

of being a weightlifter, too.

Hoo!

Yeah, I got the pastrami sandwich for you.

What kind of animal am I?

I don't know. A fish?

What kind of fish?

Max! Hi!

What kind of fish am I?

No, sorry. No, no, no. It's just... It's just me here.

Um... I am all ears.

What?

So I got through to the next round!?

Okay. Um, the second round is the final round.

That is, um... That is good news.

That soon?

No. No, no, no, that is, um...

That is not a problem.

Yes, it is.

Uh-huh.

Okay, see you in two weeks.

See who in two weeks?

What about Daddy?

Shit.

I don't know what to do, I mean...

This tour, it's everything I've been waiting and working for.

Yeah, but it's your dad.

Aah!

I wonder why my dad even had me.

It's not like he was ready to be a father.

That's it right there.

Can you see it?

It's the size of a grape!

Have you noticed how our culture never celebrates death or divorce?

Okay, excuse me. This is not about you.

This is about me and my baby, and we'd like a little attention

from Auntie Athena.

Look, I have a grape!

Look at that.

You can't see it, can you?

No. No.

Come on, this is like one of those magic eye thingies.

You know I could never do those.

If you didn't want to give up your life, why'd you come back?

Because he asked me to.

Because he's your dad.

Come on.

Hey.

Hey.

Come on, it's time to go.

What time is it?

Time to go, Daddy.

You're... You're supposed to be here at one o'clock!

- I'm sorry. - Where were you?

Well, I'm here now.

- Just answer the question. - Calm down.

- Are you okay? - I'm fine!

Where the hell were you?

I asked you a question! Where were you?

What do you want me say?

Why were you late?

The parking lot was filled with a bunch of mooks!

There, is that a good enough answer for you?

You're never on time for anything!

The only thing you haven't been late for is your fucking period!

Jesus! Why do always make me feel like shit for the stupidest things?

I was ten minutes late! Big fucking deal!

I dropped my whole goddamn life to come take care of you!

Why do I make you feel like shit?

The only person who can make you feel anything is your fucking self!

Give me the keys, I'm driving!

- Are you sure that's a good idea? - Give me the...

You don't tell me what to do. I tell you what to do.

I'm the boss. You're the employee.

As a matter of fact from now on, you call me "boss"!

Now give me the keys!

You're a stupid little girl who doesn't know a thing!

You don't know how to drive! You don't know how to be on time!

You don't know how to find parking!

And you sure as fuck don't know how to dance,

or else you'd have a job by now!

I'm fucking in there having chemo!

For five fucking hours!

Tell me not to live my fucking life.

Daddy!

Daddy!

What?!

What? What? What?

What's the matter?

- What's wrong? - The tooth fairy doesn't like me.

What?

I lost a tooth, so I put it under my pillow.

Wait. Wait, wait, wait, wait a minute.

Wait a minute. You lost a tooth?

Why didn't you tell me?

Why didn't the tooth fairy give me money?

Well, maybe last night was her night off.

No.

Well, maybe a lot of kids lost their tooth yesterday,

and, you know, she couldn't get to everybody's house on time.

That's all.

But you said that when you lose a tooth, you put it under your pillow

and the tooth fairy comes to your room and takes it

and gives it to all the little babies who don't have teeth yet.

Yeah, I did say that.

All right.

I'm gonna level with you, kid.

Every time...

Every time a kid puts the tooth under the pillow,

their mom or their dad, they come in the room at night,

and they exchange... They swap the tooth for money.

What?

Do you... It's... it's... All right,

remember, like, how the Wizard of Oz

was really this little old man behind a curtain?

I never saw it.

We never watched The Wizard of Oz?

Yes, we... No?

Oh, well, I'm slipping.

I know you've seen this one.

You know how From Russia With Love, right?

Uh, Tatiana Romanova, right?

She meets James in Istanbul to return the Lektor to England

only to find out the whole thing was a trap.

It's like that.

That's how it is.

The tooth fairy, life.

Marriage.

You think something is one way

only to learn that it's something entirely different.

Do you understand what I'm sayin'?

It's just...

You do or you don't?

I know something that you're gonna understand.

I don't know how many teeth you've lost,

but this...

this should cover it.

Don't you know the rule about not calling girls

who sleep with you the first night you meet them?

Girl, you know what they say about rules.

What? That they're made to be broken?

Oh, yeah.

So, how are ya?

Oh, I'm fine.

How's your dad?

Uh, still very much himself.

Good. Good.

Yeah.

Uh...

I just wanted to say that, uh, I'm always around,

you know, if you ever want to shoot the shit or just...

you know.

I'm here for ya.

Hey, Bryan, I... I have to go.

Hey,

can you see the moon?

Um...

Uh, yes.

Yeah, I can see it.

You see that halo?

No, no halo.

I always found that funny,

that two people can be looking at the same sky on the same night

and see two different versions of the same thing.

- Hey, Bryan? - Yeah?

Thanks for calling.

Hey, Athena?

Hang in there.

Okay.

Good night.

I'm here to pick up my father, Jack Morehead.

Can you spell the last name, please?

M-O-R-E-H-E-A-D.

Aw.

Dr. Halper, please come to the nurses' station.

Dr. Halper, to the nurses' station, please.

The doctor will be right with you.

Hey. What do you mean by "an adverse reaction"?

The chemo is supposed to make him better, not worse.

Some people get worse before they get better.

Chemo is a shock to the system.

Different systems handle that shock very differently.

Yeah? Well, how did his handle it?

Not well.

He was disoriented, very irritable, he started cursing.

He's always like that.

He pulled the I.V. out of his arm and held it to a nurse's neck.

Does he always do that?

We sedated him and then his blood pressure dropped considerably.

We just want to take some precautions, run a few tests,

make sure everything checks out.

Trust me.

He'll be out in two days, maybe three.

Okay. Well, trust me.

You'll want him out after two.

Close out or keep it open?

Keep it open.

This seat taken?

It's all yours.

You know, I've never been very good at playing it cool or whatever, so, um...

I'm just gonna go right ahead and tell you why I'm here.

You mean to tell me you're not a Jehovah's Witness?

Um, what'd you say your name was?

Let's not task ourselves with the silly chore

of trying to remember each other's name now.

So you're not gonna tell me your name?

I prefer we go to a motel.

Or the bathroom's fine.

Then, uh, say our goodbyes and be on our merry way.

Um...

Aren't musicians used to meeting girls

they'll never have to see or talk to again?

Listen, darlin', I'm... I'm sorry,

but I'm just gonna have to politely decline.

I got a friend who could get you some morphine.

You could buy a boat...

and we could all sail around the world till the pain got too bad.

You know, it wasn't the cancer that landed me here.

It was the chemo. That's what got me.

The medical profession ain't nothin' but a bunch of assholes

who do whatever the insurance companies tell them to do.

Hit me.

No, no, no. With this.

Oh, Jacky, you better watch yourself, baby.

You's in the hospital.

Come here and slap my ass.

Ah, look what the cat dragged in!

Hello, Ath-ena.

- Hi, Ath-ena. - Hello, Seashell.

You know, I'm not an invalid.

- Just say thank you. - No.

Shh! This is the best part.

Hey, The Spy Who Loved Me.

Yep. Who played James Bond in this?

Oh, please. Roger Moore.

- Duh! - Yeah, yeah.

That was too easy. Everybody knows that.

Who played Agent XXX?

Barbara...

- Barbara Bach. - Uh-huh.

- Yeah? - Very good.

Now, what kind of gun was she using?

Which one?

In the last scene against James.

What was the gun that she had?

Ooh, that's a hard one.

Started with a "W"...

- The... - Walther PPK.

Ah! That's my girl!

What a good girl. Mmm!

Only girl in her class who could identify firearms.

I can't wait to eat something other than tasteless dinner rolls

and Jell-O with the texture of butter.

It's horrible.

Hey, hey, hey! Watch it!

Watch it! I got cancer here!

I want the cancer to get me, not you!

Want someone to know you got a small johnson...

Drive that car!

Very good.

Uh, Dad, there's something that I need to talk to you about.

Dad? Wow, I've been promoted.

Daddy, listen. I got a call,

and there's something that I want to talk to you...

Wait there!

Wait there!

Jack, I swear I'll be back.

I swear I'll be back.

Jack, this is my life. This is my life, Jack.

Daddy, can I drive?

No. No. No.

I just got out of the hospital. I'm driving.

Like I was saying, Dad, um...

There's something that I really need to talk to you about...

Athena, I just got out of the hospital. So whatever it is, can it wait?

Yeah.

Sure.

Hey.

Time for your vitamins.

My throat hurts too much.

I can't swallow.

You want some more ice chips?

Pacifier.

What?

I want you to go down to the drugstore and get me a pacifier.

Are you serious?

Go on.

Oh. Okay.

Uh, wait.

Did you take my sunglasses?

Look at that.

Oh. Thank you.

I don't remember putting them up there like that.

Excuse me, ma'am. Can I help you find something?

Uh, yeah. Yeah. I'm looking for a pacifier.

All right. How old is your baby?

Sixty.

- Wait, in a minute. - Here you go.

- I gotta use the john. - Oh. Okay.

- Just lea... leave me be, Athena. - Fine. Fine.

Don't just stand there! Help me up!

Okay, fine.

Oh... Oh, God.

Oh, God.

Oh, God.

- Okay. - Go.

No, no, no! We can not do.

But these are his favorite pants.

Jack Morehead. He said that you know him.

That you'd take care of it.

Very bad. Not clean. Very bad.

Must throw away.

No. But, um, he sent me here to...

Poo-poo, ca-ca, no.

It will go all over other customer clothing.

I'm not throwing them away.

They're my favorite pair.

You have a closet full of at least 14 identical pairs.

I like those. Those are the favorite ones.

I don't know what to tell you.

- Wash them by hand. - Excuse me?

It's just a little shit, Athena.

No, it's a lot of shit, actually

And, wait a minute, forgive me for not wanting my father's poop stench

on my hands all week.

Do you know how many times I had your poop stench on my hands?

Oh, what? Oh, my God, what, when I was a baby?

All the time!

For years on end.

This is slightly different.

You know what? You're such a fuckin' princess!

I raised you better than this!

Hi. What do you need?

It's two thirty.

I don't see, taste, or smell my lunch.

Does this mean your mouth is better now?

I expect it at three o'clock.

Goodbye.

Yes, Boss.

Where are they?

Where are they?

I know that they are somewhere in here.

Stop! Leave them alone!

I know you took the last pack from the freezer!

- Did not! - Did, too! Don't lie to me!

- Did not! - You did, too.

- Do not lie to me! Okay? - Nnh!

You came.

Of course.

You called and begged.

Oh, please, I didn't beg.

I know, I'm sorry. You just butt-dialed me

and casually asked.

What are you doing?

Oh, my God, okay?

You wanna do that?

Okay, that's happening.

I don't know what's happening... Whatever that is.

- Let's go. - Okay.

- How was your flight? - It was long.

It was long, but I'm very happy that you came to pick me up.

I did not have that much time...

- After you, my darling. - Thank you very much.

I did not have that much time to clean up,

so don't judge me, please.

Well, no judgment.

You've been here before, so just make yourself at home.

I'm sorry.

If you come back, I promise it will be different.

I promise, Athena.

I'll get a nurse. I'll be nice.

Whatever you say.

I quit smoking. Finito.

Honey Bunny, goddess of wisdom...

I can't die alone.

Focus! Come on, Athena!

God damn it, if you're gonna be this distracted now,

what am I gonna expect in rehearsals?

Let's go!

Lift it up.

Whose ever phone is ringing, please turn if off now!

People, please, keep your personal belongings in your lockers.

Thank you!

There you go. Hold her up a little bit.

I have made you some delicious oatmeal.

Come on, Daddy. I'm back!

It is hot, and it might burn your tongue.

Daddy, I'm here.

Jack.

Jack?

Jack.

Excuse me, miss? Is this your...

He's my father.

- Do you have power of attorney? - Yes.

Do you want us to start his heart if it stops beating?

Excuse me?

Right now, your father is hooked up to a machine that's breathing for him.

His heart is still beating on its own, but it will stop soon,

and when it does, do you want us to restart it for him?

Yes.

We have to crack his ribs

and press on his chest with all our might to restart the heart.

Crack his ribs then.

- No, you don't understand... - No. You don't understand.

If his heart stops, crack his ribs.

Fine.

As you can see in the brochure,

- we have a large selection. - Mm-hmm.

You were his daughter?

I am his daughter.

Oh, yes, right.

But what I meant to ask is...

he has no spouse?

Nope. No, never married.

What about your mother?

What about my mother?

Well, where is she?

I like to think she took the Thelma and Louise route,

and her spirit is just floating somewhere over the Grand Canyon.

No older siblings?

No other legal guardian to help you with all of this?

I'm my legal guardian.

That one.

Could I tell them that he took a job selling scrap metal

instead of following his dreams of playing jazz saxophone?

Could I tell them that he didn't fight for his life...

didn't take it seriously...

didn't think about how his dying would affect those he left behind?

How about how he's handicapped me

in virtually every relationship I attempt

with a member of the opposite sex?

Was I allowed to tell them the truth?

"Romance is mush,

stifling those who strive.

I'll live a lush life in some small dive."

"Whoever feels it deepest wins."

"Remember the Alamo."

"Please put all wet food in the garbage disposal.

I am sensitive to the smell of rotting food."

"Don't let the same dog bite you twice."

Nice sunnies.

Oh.

Oh, you want them?

I don't know what to do with all this shit.

- You should keep them. - Yeah?

Maybe you can tell me everything I should keep

and what I'm allowed to throw out.

'Theens, I can't.

Please.

I'm sorry.

I'm sorry.

I'm sorry, too.

You should come over for dinner before you go.

Nat'll like that.

Yeah. Sure.

We're always here for you...

all three of us.

I suppose you think I'm a massive bitch

for not returning any of your calls or texts.

I can take a hint.

There's no hint.

I had to go back to Florida.

Is your dad okay?

Shit.

I'm sorry.

What are you doing this Friday?

Aw, you know,

hangin' out with my boys.

- Go clubbin'. - Go clubbing?

Yeah. What about you?

I'm coming over to your place.

- Oh, really? - Uh-huh.

I won't hold my breath.

No, I'm being serious.

How's eight?

Uh...

I'll have to check with my boys.

Of course.

But, uh, eight probably works.

Yeah?

Okay. Well, text me your address.

I'll do that right now.

I mean, after I finish my...

- Yeah, yeah. - Yeah, I'm up to, like, four miles...

I got it.

What's this?

Bond marathon.

Hey, how do I look?

Like a slut.

Fine. I'm gonna be back in two hours tops, okay?

All right, milady, have a seat.

Bryan, this isn't necessary.

I know it's not necessary,

but when was the last time someone made you a home-cooked meal?

- Mmm. - Huh?

Now, I was not sure if you ate meat or not,

because, you know, all you actresses are vegan.

I'm not an actress.

Hello? Joking.

She looks like you.

Your mom.

I think the baldness really accentuates the similarities.

Careful, I only have three more bottles.

So, uh, are you ever gonna tell me what you really do for work?

Well, I...

am a stripper.

Do you mind if we eat first?

Look, Athena, I know how hard of a time this must be for you.

No, you don't.

Yes, I do.

No.

Why? Just because your mom died of cancer,

you think that you and I are the same somehow?

Is that it?

- What? - The photo.

You're not exactly hiding the fact that she had chemo.

My mom didn't have chemo. I did.

My family shaved their heads when I started losing my hair.

You're not the only one in the world that's been affected by this shit.

Listen, I'm not... I'm not good at this.

What's that, eating or talking?

This, all right? All this.

No, Athena, I'm just trying to get to know you.

- I should go. - Oh, come on.

- I should go. - No, no, no. Come on.

- That's a little dramatic. - No, you know what?

I don't do the whole boyfriend-girlfriend thing.

I'm gonna leave that with you.

What about the whole grown-up talking to another grown-up over dinner thing?

Do you do that?

Look, I didn't come here for you to wine and dine me

and be all nice to me and tell me that everyone has fucking cancer.

No, you just came here for a little empty, meaningless sex.

Oh! Oh! I'm sorry!

What kind of fag turns down a half-naked girl in his living room?

The kind that knows you can't keep fucking away your pain.

"Pain"?

My pain?

Well, what are you now, my fucking shrink?

Oh, now, come on.

We both know that you don't have a therapist.

Oh, fuck you! What is that?!

It's a soufflé.

I made it for dessert.

It's Jack.

You know what to do.

Daddy...

I just wanted to say that, um...

that I'm so sorry.

Okay? I am so sorry for everything.

And I forgive you.

I do.

I do. I forgive you.

Dad...

Dad, this is so hard.

I miss you.

And I love you.

All right, hold the music. Stop!

Athena.

I'm sorry, Max.

- I'm so sorry. - Shh.

I'm sorry.

Welcome back.

Smile!

Smile, baby.

One, two, three!

Got it?

Big smile, Athena.

One, two, three!

Yay!

I love you, princess.

If you want someone to know you have a small johnson...

Drive that car!

Very good.

Honey Bunny, goddess of wisdom...

What are we having, Honey Bunny?

Good to see you, Honey Bunny.

Aw, Honey... Athena...

That orange marker is gone...

forever.

You've never gonna see it again.

And that's okay.