Original subtitles

Downloaded from YTS.MX

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Quite a turnout. Nice to see.

We should've charged admission.

Charlie's mother left this for us.

- Open it? - No, you.

Maxime.

Let's open it together.

I'll do it.

It's the house in Corsica.

There's a note.

"Make the trip anyway."

That's nuts.

- We said we would. - The 4 of us, not 3.

We can't go without Charlie.

It does sound like a last wish.

When are you free?

- What d'you mean? - When are you free?

After the 27th I have a few days.

Or else not before late July.

- The 21th to 30th'? TBS... - TBS'?

You're getting carried away.

Look, I don't need you.

Each goes when he can.

It has our 3 names.

So? Nothing binds us.

Great.

Here you are.

You Okay?

Well?

I don't know what it says, but it meant a lot.

See you outside.

- Let's go now. - What d'you mean, now?

- And next weekend? - I just said I can't.

And in a month?

Dunno. Gotta ask my lady.

It's now or never.

This wasn't planned.

Dying wasn't either.

No dawdling. This isn't a vacation.

Shit, my bag. Be right there.

Great start.

I'll get the car.

- Make a wish for our first trip. - Mazel tov.

I have a neat game.

Do I go to the moon in a Ferrari?

Of course not!

- I don't get it. - It's not hard.

With each round, I invent a new rule to get to the moon.

You find the rule.

What's the rule?

The link between clues!

Between a toaster, a Hopper painting, a Bugatti and bacon?

There's no way! Sorry, but...

I'll help you.

Boris, I imagine you like jazz.

You can go with Benny Goodman.

And you, Elie, with Tel Aviv!

Tel Aviv and bacon in one breath!

You got me.

You lose, okay?

My rule

is 1909.

You go to the moon with things that began in 1909.

Tel Aviv, Benny Goodman and Bugatti. All 1909!

How about that!

Complicated.

You make up the next rule.

550 miles, is it?

More.

Great game, I like it.

JUST LIKE BROTHERS

Invent something. I pay you for that.

Put off the signing a few days, not 6 months!

Keep me posted.

- And once you sell your business? - I do nothing, like you.

It's not nothing. I write for TV. It's work!

At the bookstore more than the office.

It's for my research.

Why isn't Cassandra answering?

Soon you'll find her in bed with another guy.

What?

Relax, he's joking.

It's not my kind of joke.

Cut it out.

No smoking in my car! Stale smoke stinks.

It's my tribute to Charlie.

Don't act smart-alecky to hide your grief.

I'm smart-alecky because I'm a smart-aleck. Nuance.

I don't feel so hot.

Must be the grief. I'm queasy.

Look what you ate!

There's a nem left.

Cool car! All the extras.

Can you find Puyvert?

I'll check the map.

Quit fiddling with everything!

I seek out roles that mirror me.

He sacrifices all for his family.

I love that guy.

It speaks to me.

Your greatest sacrifice for your kids?

"Delivering without a spinal."

Wow! Know him?

Yes, he's my father.

Come off it!

He really is.

- I dig your dad. - Everyone "digs" him.

Can we slow down?

I'm gonna puke.

Don't. The car's new.

Here it comes.

We'll stop. I'll stop!

Swallow it.

- Sorry... - I'm slowing down.

What a rainbow yawn!

No respect for anything!

What a stink! How gross!

Couldn't you hold it?

I think it was the cold shrimp nems.

You choose: stale smoke or stale vomit.

The stench is unbearable!

- We can't take this all night. - Fucking shit!

Find this on fleabag.com?

No Relais & Chateaux nearby.

Not with Ikea and Home Depot.

Gimme your credit card. I forgot mine.

Thanks.

We'll never get there at this rate.

It still stinks. If we leave the doors open...

Why not leave the keys, too?

You prefer room 303 or 303?

Sure, I'll be back Friday.

If I'm not there, go alone. You know the way.

Maybe it'll bring us luck.

I gotta go.

What's the matter?

Think we should tell him now?

Tell him what?

That we knew... About Charlie...

No, not here, not now.

We'll see tomorrow.

I'll never last the whole trip.

Cool! The TV works with a credit card, too!

- You speak German? - You'd never guess, huh?

- They're really hot. - Yeah, real hot.

But you're in your shorts.

And not just any ones.

Heavy duty!

Yeah, Mom. It's me again. Just to say things are fine.

We're spending the night in a hotel.

So there you go...

Talk soon. Lots of love.

You always call your mother?

So she doesn't worry.

Gotta be pretty close to stay here.

We're a bit acquainted.

"A bit" suited me.

What's wrong with my shorts?

- They're too baggy. - With teddy bears.

You'll never bed a German.

Well, my lady digs 'em.

Your lady?

The one who never answers!

How do I end up paying for everyone and sharing my bed?

There's the floor.

I got something to show you.

You're outta your mind!

- So that's Charlie? - Charlie's ashes.

- Why'd you do that? - Dunno.

The urn was there. I didn't think.

You sure didn't.

And the bag?

I just grabbed it.

That's immoral! What'll the family say?

Think they'll check?

Sicko! No one checks a thing like that.

Sorry.

- It's okay. - It's okay?

Are you two nuts?

So we take Charlie to Corsica?

Spare me your twisted necrophilia.

Or we go back and say, "Just returning Charlie"?

No, we see it through.

You won't tell on me?

You're totally irresponsible!

THREE MONTHS EARLIER

' got in

Shit!

Someone on Elie!

Goddammit!

Red card!

You call that a tackle?

You dislocated my shoulder!

- You okay? - Yeah.

I'm okay.

Yellow card? Not even?

Great.

Stay on it.

Go on.

' Got in

No defense?

I'm going alone.

Shit!

It's magic!

You left me alone!

See that goal?

No cover, dammit!

What was that lousy dive?

That tackle stunt was better?

We could've come back easy.

8-2, right?

Good game anyway.

It was uneven. What can you do?

Had to play as a team.

You were a little lost without me.

The thumping of the century.

We don't play to win, relax.

So why do we keep score?

Brazil!

Borisinho, the Parisian prodigy!

In the favelas,

the magic dribbles!

Golden-feet!

Invincible!

Think it's funny?

I'll never play with you again.

You take it too seriously.

Forget your towel, or is it modesty?

The water's hard on my delicate skin.

I'm too old for this shit.

- Lethal Weapon 4. - No, it was the first one.

You sure? I thought it was 2.

He says it in all four, you dopes!

You Okay?

I'm all right.

Just a little tired.

I'm going to Corsica next week to rest.

- Come with me? - All of us?

I don't think so. I'm pretty busy.

I've got a heavy week coming.

I'll never get all 3 of you there.

I'm free next week.

I wanted to tell you, since we're all together:

with Cassandra

we'll soon be 3!

- You don't say. - I do.

We're adopting a cat.

You jerk!

What a jerk! I thought she was pregnant.

Hey, easy! All in good time.

We graduate in 2 years,

get married and have 2 kids.

Charlie'll be godmother.

No one picks godparents anymore!

That's old hat.

It's important to me.

To me, too.

I'm going for a kebab.

Anyone want one?

It's only 10 in the morning.

You're right. I hope it's open.

I'll check. Later!

You still need a woman to dress you at your age!

Not a woman, you!

You jerk.

Help me dress, too?

Please.

I love you guys.

We love you, too.

We don't tell you, we're guys. But we love you.

I really don't want to lose you.

WW say that'?

I've got bad news.

Bad news?

I didn't want to tell you.

Promise not to tell Maxime.

He's too young to be sad.

You're freaking me out. Serious?

Is it serious?

Yes.

How long have you known?

A little more than 2 years.

Think of it as a backpack...

that's cross-eyed.

I still can't believe Charlie's...

no longer with us.

What is it? Can't say the word?

This place gives me the creeps.

Let's get outta here.

I want M&M's at my funeral.

Office Reject

I picked up those 2 Germans last night.

- When? - When you were in the room.

- I don't believe you. - It's true.

Really nice chicks. But hot!

Really hot! A threesome.

I even filmed it with my phone.

Let's see. Videos, there.

Let's go!

Click.

Give me my phone!

There!

They may not fit,

but at least we won't look like 3 hit-men.

Some he-man underwear.

Elie jumped the 2 German girls. I'm looking for the film.

Don't be such a prude.

You were there, too?

Sure. They asked where you were.

We knew about your fiancée.

Europe's a great thing.

One had a tattoo on her ass that says "eat me."

It's not true.

No, it's not true.

Quit drooling. Gimme that.

What a jerk.

You didn't fool me.

You didn't.

I'm not a jerk!

- No Coke? - I got milk.

Milk?

You should've seen your face.

We should've filmed it.

Such love for your lady!

My big fantasy isn't humping a German.

I went out with a German...

a gorgeous Berliner, in 1989.

Change the subject!

He changed centuries.

I went when the Wall came down. I have a piece.

Of chick or Wall?

I experienced History!

You tore down a wall. That's vandalism, not History.

I wasn't even born in 1989.

I'm glad I got organic stuff.

Less pollution here, a nice change.

Want a zucchini?

That's an eggplant.

We're just off the highway.

Relax, no stress here. No aggression. Dig it.

Sure, there's nobody here.

A serious American study

says that by planting 340 trees per sq km,

there's a 29% drop in asthma.

I bet you didn't know!

He's Rain Man, in fact.

We'll toss him matches to count.

Cassandra and I will live next to a park in 5 years.

Know where you'll be in 5 years?

Not the exact street number. There's a great kindergarten.

He's got his whole life planned out!

When do you get cancer?

THREE DAYS EARLIER

Cool fridge.

5 stars on compareyourfridge.com.

Why meet for Charlie's trip?

We could've done it by email.

You have something to tell Maxime.

- Do I? - About why she's in the hospital.

Why me?

You know how to put things into words.

That's your job, right?

I'm not writing him a sketch.

Count me out.

Act natural, and it'll come out naturally.

Okay, we act natural.

I checked dates. I'm free all the time.

Okay, great.

She'll be thrilled.

Now for some France vs. Brazil.

The referee signals the kickoff.

We plan it behind her back?

A surprise for when she gets out.

Goal!

Great pass from your cleaning lady!

"Housekeeper."

- Sounds fancier? - Sounds expensive!

She's here to do what you like?

Not everything, pervert.

But yes, she lives here.

I'd really dig it if a lady took care of me,

did the cleaning, washing and ironing...

Like you mother?

I guess so.

- 2-0! - Are you in cahoots?

Nice one!

Know when Charlie gets out?

3-4 days, right?

It might be more.

Isn't tonsillitis rare at 30?

I'm going for a sandwich. Want anything?

- We'll order out. - It's okay.

A Hawaiian sandwich.

What's that?

Ham, pineapple, butter toasted.

- Oyster pie for desert? - Another Hawaiian.

Enough! Ham for everyone.

He goes bonkers over 2 sandwiches.

I call that talent.

I'm already 2 points ahead.

Put it on pause.

Pause it! The phone's ringing.

- Pause! - Sure, okay.

Elie went out, it's Maxime.

Between-the-leg pass,

lobbed pass, instep kick

and goal!

That's talent.

What's up?

- That was Charlie's mother. - What about her?

It's over.

She just said, "it's over."

I forgot my cell. Seen it anywhere?

I have a rule for your moon game.

Don't you start!

You'll never figure it out.

I'll begin.

Do I go to the moon with...

a kiwi?

Elie?

And with 2 kiwis?

You're a pain! Play for real.

Do I go to the moon with...

German girls?

Wrong again.

I got stung!

What are those jerks doing?

Who are those fuckers?

Don't say that. Country folks are nice.

They're saying hi.

What the fuck?

Fuck! My car!

MY Car!

Shit!

Who has the backpack?

Not the backpack!

Why'd you leave the keys in the ignition?

Because country folks are nice?

No reception. Damn rednecks!

Whose idea was this picnic?

It's your own fault. Leaving the keys...

Don't start.

It's entirely your fault.

The cops will find your car.

Nothing's serious to you!

We're beat, lost, it's 100°, walking nowhere...

How much worse can it get?

You're right.

We could've lost Charlie.

If the cops find the bag, I'll get the can.

We're on the lam!

Thinks he's Jacques Mesrine.

Don't pronounce the "s."

- Fuck. - Goddam.

What's the matter?

Is that normal?

- Dunno. - What's that?

Don't move.

Look!

What a face!

Of course I eat monkey...

kosher.

Getting in or not?

- You got sunburned! - Did I?

I'm with the Bogdanov twins. A discount?

Charlie's voice mail. Leave a message and I'll call you back.

Promise.

- I've got reception! - Great.

You can call your mother.

I call other people, too.

- Charlie's your background? - Can't change it.

You stuck on her?

It's stuck on the picture.

Wait! A message from the gendarmes.

What do they say?

- Is Gusset far? - Next stop.

And Puyvert, nearby?

- They found my car. - Really?

They found my car!

- Fantastic. - That's good. Really good!

- I'm so glad. - It shows.

I have a car and it was...

- They found it. - We don't know them.

It is yours?

It's totally wrecked.

How could they do that?

The point is, why?

The guard didn't see a thing.

Maybe to show animals can replace us. Some eco-nonsense.

Fuck the Greens! Fuck nature!

Fuck the trees and birds.

They're not Greens, just bored kids.

That's no reason to destroy a car!

To tag it! To cut open the hood like a tin can!

When I was a kid and got bored,

I'd play pinball, I didn't bother anyone!

When was that?

- You got insurance? - Sure. I holler for the principle.

Car registration, please.

Control yourself, mister.

Mr. Naillac...

Wait here, don't move.

It's because of the bag. They'll put out an APB.

What crap. Shut up!

You check Naillac?

At the signal, we hoof it... I say "woo"

and we run for it. One...

There's no body in the trunk.

Are you related to the actor Pierre Naillac?

He's sort of my dad.

My wife and I are crazy about you...

Your dad.

Here.

Could you autograph this for him?

Sign it.

"I delivered without a spinal."

I love that one.

That's what he says.

Would you?

Smile.

Thanks a lot.

We'll write up a report while waiting for the tow truck,

and then you can...

you can go.

No problem. Have a good day.

- Long live France. - Thanks.

Now what do we do?

We lost Charlie. What a disgrace.

We could go to my grandparents nearby.

Better and better.

- What's this mutt? - Where'd you come from?

Grab him.

It's your shirt, man.

Faster!

Everything's here!

Except my wallet. Those Greens don't miss a trick.

I don't believe it.

That dog's a genius.

How do we manage without money?

- You've got a credit card. - It's pretty tired.

Charlie, heel!

Here, boy.

Come on.

Here, boy.

Need something, guys?

- Thanks. - Don't mention it.

Bye, Charlie.

It takes a breakdown for you to visit.

What a surprise! Come in.

Come on in.

Jewish grandparents in Vichy?

It's their sense of humor.

Local sausage. The best.

You eat pork?

God looked the other way in Birkenau,

I doubt He cares what we eat.

So, kids, what brings you here?

A woman.

Lovestruck or parted ways?

- Parted ways, rather. - I see.

With age, friends and lovers leave you.

I'm still here.

I wonder why.

I'm good at love and omelets.

Tell me about it.

- Remember Charlie? - Very well.

Well, she died.

Elie, please.

Should I say, she's gone, no longer with us, sprouted wings?

AnyWaY-

The 4 of us were to take a trip. We decided to go anyway...

With her.

If we're bugged, we're done for!

- It's not bugged. - This is Vichy, man!

You think it's foolish?

Something foolish you do for one you love.

SIX MONTHS EARLIER

HEY. how're you?

You're here? How's it going?

Did Charlie invite you?

She invited Maxime, too.

Cool.

Hi!

It took me two hours to get in.

They can be choosier.

- Is it the scarf? - It's everything.

I get it.

How's it going?

See you later.

How you doing?

- Where's Charlie? - At the bar downstairs.

With a GUY-

You're here? I didn't see you.

Yeah, I'm here.

- How're you GUYS? - Okay.

- A drink? - I'm all set.

This is Vassily.

Sorry, I didn't see you.

Elie. Pleased to meet you.

Same here. You Russian?

No, Basque.

- And your name's Vassily? - My mother adored Kandinsky.

I see.

- Who? - Kandinsky, a painter.

He thinks he's cool.

- How'd you meet? - We just met.

Just getting acquainted.

Get acquainted some other time, then.

- Coming? - I'll join you later.

I sort of came for you.

You into abstract art?

I'd better be going.

You stay.

- They go. - What?

When I'm ready, I'll come. Now leave me alone.

What was that all about?

Just protecting you. He's out to bed you.

I don't need your protection.

I don't trust him. He's not for you.

Well, I like him.

A Basque-cum-Russian

who doesn't know shit about abstract art?

You 3 are worse together than apart!

Maybe I want a guy to pick me up and fuck me!

That's not like you!

Sometimes it is.

Sorry.

But it's true, Vassily is a dumb name for a Basque.

- A real shitty name. - Real weird.

Let's dance.

Not coming?

No, I'm fine here.

Max?

You don't have much choice.

- I don't feel like it. - You know the song.

Sure, but no.

- It's our song. - I was 8 years old!

Can't make it Friday. Taking longer than planned.

Hope you understand.

Can I go to the moon with Elie's grandma?

Unfortunately for her, no.

Shit! I thought it was Elie-related.

Can I go to the moon with an esophagus?

No,

So it's not Maxime-related.

- Very funny. - Good one.

Very funny.

I'll call when I'm done. Love you.

What's that?

For hair loss. Your grandpa lent it to me.

I use the same one. But you have to rub it in.

You're not losing hair.

No, I rub it in well.

I don't believe it! The pirate ship!

You have the Playmobil pirate ship!

I never played with it.

The whole thing, untouched!

- Yep. - You spoiled brat.

Kids dream of that!

Like kicking Scarlett Johansson out of bed!

Or Jane Fonda...

- Back then. - When was that?

My grandparents didn't get to you?

Not at all, why?

They're great. Mine are gone and I miss them.

They rattle on.

Roots are important.

Heavy roots! Where are your folks from?

Brittany.

I'll trade. I love crepes and cider.

You sulking?

They're not my real parents.

They adopted me.

But I'm fine. I deal with it. I love them.

But you know where you come from.

For all I know, I'm from Cameroon.

You never told us.

You never asked.

You don't ask if parents are your real parents.

Did Charlie know?

Yeah.

Don't lose sleep over it.

Maxime?

Do you want my pirate ship?

It's yours.

Good night.

Careful. It grinds in 2nd and slips in 3rd.

- And in 4th? - Forget 4th.

Maxime's credit card couldn't get us a bike.

She's not answering, dammit!

It was great. I'll break down here more often.

- Yes, thanks. - Bye-bye, child.

- Why am I always in the back? - You're the child.

You tell them it doesn't do over 40 mph?

We'll never get there.

My foot's to the floor!

You're too brutal.

This car's a work of art. Driving it is priceless.

I'm leaving the highway, or we'll end up in the backpack.

Brake before you downshift or you'll ruin the engine.

- Get off my back! - It's overheating!

Ya know what? Here!

You drive!

Why doesn't it go up?

Gotta pav-

See? Driving the car does have a price:

2.60 euros.

There you go!

Lousy stations!

We might pick up De Gaulle's wartime appeal.

I cried back then.

That's a good one.

ONE YEAR EARLIER

Why do they call it the Cold War?

Because it was wintertime.

Well, almost...

That's not why.

There was no open conflict.

But that's cute. Very cute.

Still nothing to drink?

No thanks.

I'll go play pinball.

Again?

Your pal's sketchy. Kinda psycho.

He's her pal, not mine.

- What's his problem? - He just got dropped.

Never seen a guy go bonkers like that over a chick.

A pinball zombie!

I'd never do that to you.

Never!

Sorry I'm late. Carburetor trouble.

Now you wait for me. I'll go talk to Boris.

Help them review.

Show's in 10 minutes!

So, not too stressed out

for the exam?

Not really.

She just left without a word?

- I'm the one who left. - You did?

- You seemed to get along well. - I was tired of her.

She nagged me about stuff. It was a pain.

What kind of stuff?

Bullshit.

Not committing, not being around, not sleeping with her.

You didn't have sex?

Sure...

but I rarely spent the night.

Never, in fact.

Never?

Not once in 6 months?

Well, Boris, no wonder!

Why?

A guy who doesn't stay the night just wants you for your body.

That's how it is. I can't sleep with a woman.

Not anymore.

Since when?

Since you, in fact.

I guess I never got over it.

You never will.

We know what it's like.

At first it burns, it hurts like hell,

and in time it heals.

It becomes bearable.

Sure, you'll never find a girl like me.

But at least someone almost as good.

You idiot!

Isn't it better to be friends?

You still wear my watch?

I played with it when I was nervous, too.

Not being together doesn't mean we don't love each other.

We'll go to the park after your nap.

"This is the end, no point going on."

We've got miles to go!

It's Cassandra.

"This is the end, no point going on.

"We're through. But let's be friends."

She dropped you by text message?

- Bitch! - Don't say that about her.

- What's going on? - Cassandra sent this.

Let's see.

You're right, she's cheating on me.

The bitch!

Don't panic.

It's just a test to see if you'll let her go.

- Think so? - Sure. Typical girl stuff.

Bitch stuff, I say!

- Where is she? - On vacation in Puyvert.

I see. Elie, GPS.

We'll take a detour and have some fun.

Are you sure?

You bet we are.

The bitch!

Maybe this is a bad idea.

I'm sure you can get her back.

Do it for the cat.

Here I go.

- Where you going? - Around back.

Why take the bag?

No way am I leaving Charlie alone.

Perfect.

Smile.

- It's for what magazine? - You'll see.

Like this?

Again.

I don't believe it. He drugged her with GHB.

It can't be.

Already?

- She wasn't there? - Sure she was.

But half naked with some bum who French-kissed her.

A bum?

The good side is, it wasn't a test.

Thanks, Elie.

Poor fella. I'm sorry.

Wanna go play pinball?

I'll call my mother.

Not your mother. You're not a kid.

I'll change my Facebook status for her.

Let's get a drink.

It'll do you good.

We'll write a breakup letter. You'll see.

Your mother's on Facebook?

I'm ready.

How do I start?

"Dear Cassandra,

"May a pineapple grow up your ass..."

- Don't be aggressive. - A pineapple's not aggressive.

Not in fruit salad,

but up your ass it is!

If you want her to be sorry,

play the gentleman.

You're right, I'll write her in verse.

Classic tetrameter or romantic trimeter?

You're raining on my paper.

I don't know...

"Your place in my heart, vacant it will remain... "

"I'll break your nose, if I see you again."

You made him cry!

I'm okay. It's not you guys.

Do you think you can only love one woman in your life?

I have one last thing to say.

Don't do something stupid.

It's pointless.

It's not stupid.

A fine breakup letter!

I'll drive.

Yes, I insist.

All aboard!

It's there.

Can I head for your moon

with a utensil in several parts,

the first of which is connected to the other three?

Maybe.

I don't understand, but maybe.

Too much traffic. It's backed up.

I'll have to parallel park.

Careful!

We're parked.

Turn out the light.

I'm afraid of the dark.

When Charlie babysat for me, she told me wild stories,

with her and me in them.

Sometimes we were cowboys, or extraterrestrials.

And we always got married in the end.

Charlie's voice mail.

Leave a message and I'll call you back. Promise.

A YEAR AND A HALF EARLIER

Hurry! It's your nephew's bris!

Relax, they won't trade his foreskin for a watch.

Will you ever stop joking about everything?

You're the last to arrive!

Hi, Eve. Sorry.

Don't worry, honey, I know it's his fault.

I love you too, Mom.

Kipa!

Coat. Hurry!

Finally!

Fine, and you?

- Something to drink? - No thanks.

- Been here long? - Yes, I was on time.

There was a shark attack.

He took 2 hours to get ready. A real priss.

Thanks, darling.

You're here, too?

Thanks for inviting them.

I can't turn you down.

See your nephew before he's too Jewish?

Giving him kosher pajamas?

Did you know pajamas comes from the Persian for "leg clothing"?

It's true!

We believe you.

Let's go.

It's embarrassing.

What?

Actually it's from Hindi. "Padjama," they said.

Can you imagine people saying,

"Kevin, Myriam, time for bed. Get in your padjamas!"

Imagine it.

You gonna eat that?

I forgot his pacifier.

- Watch him a minute? - Sure.

Unworthy mother.

Hi there, sweetie.

Aren't you a cutie pie?

Runs in the family.

It must be contagious.

Now she talks like you.

Don't listen to your silly uncle.

- Want to pick him up? - No, he's fine there.

Do they have bones at that age?

- Cut it out. - He won't be offended.

He can't understand or even talk!

- You piss me off. - What's wrong?

It's just a little dig.

- What's with her? - Dunno.

Since she quit the pill, she's extra sensitive.

So I'll be an aunt!

Take it easy!

- Any idea for a name? - She's not even pregnant yet.

When we were together, we'd already picked names.

We were pimply 15-year-olds full of hot air.

You're right.

I was your "ideal woman."

Imagine me a father?

In theory, the worst kind.

Thanks a lot!

I think so...

Only one way to find out.

Anyhow, there's no such thing as an ideal father.

Where you going?

What if he cries or moves?

It's not my fault if they circumcise you.

You'll see, it takes off excess weight.

All alone?

No, I'm with him. Your son.

- I'll take him. - No, he's fine.

- I'll bring him in. - You sure?

Thanks.

Put the baby on the chair, please.

Your office rang.

I'll switch it off to have some peace.

I haven't been that smashed in ages.

- I'd forgotten. - Like your head's in a vice?

Like your hair's growing inside your head.

That's the lotion you rub in.

A good time to tell him?

Too late now.

And what's the point?

I see why she didn't tell him.

- Why? - Because of his parents.

It's pretty wild.

When you realize he was...

Can't you say the word?

That's not it.

To each his mental blocks. For me, it's "dead," for you, "adopted."

Don't be stupid.

Come here! We've got a problem.

Who are you?

- Who's this kid? - I don't know!

What'd you do? A kid's worse than ashes.

- That's kidnapping. - I didn't do it!

- Just a kid passing through? - Well, yeah.

- What's your name? - I won't tell you.

For chrissake!

- And your mom's name? - Did you run away? Wet the bed?

- Why ask that? - I'm investigating.

Where's your dad?

Enough child psychology!

Listen up, kid: Tell us your name or we'll call you Baby Lindy.

Are you nuts?

You'll talk! Dead or alive!

Let go!

My name's Romeo.

I live here. My parents run the merry-go-round.

Okay. Now scram.

Buy me a waffle or I'll say you beat me.

What?

What? Waffles?

- Elie, you lose. - I do?

A counter-well on your rock overturns my mill!

- Your mill? - I don't get it either.

You lose. Watch the kid.

- Coming, Boris? - Sorry, man.

One senior, one youth admission.

Why so sad?

- I'm not sad. - Yes, you are.

Bullshit. Now drink.

Come back here!

Come back!

The faster you forget Cassandra, the better.

What do you mean?

Enjoy life. I know what you're thinking.

Some guys stay stuck on the same girl forever.

You're not the same.

- I didn't mean me. - Of course.

But I hope I'm like you at your age.

Honestly?

Except the hair. I don't want to lose it.

Take that!

- We said there's a forfeit. - Oh, shit!

What's the dumb getup for?

He lost at the shooting gallery. That's his penalty.

I don't want to hear a word!

You guys are weird!

Romeo, what're you doing?

Go replace your sister at the cash desk!

Coming, Dad!

- Thanks for the waffle. - So long, fella.

I won't talk to my kids that way!

3 minutes with a kid and he sees himself a father!

- You don't cut it. - Why's that?

You're the least "dad" of all of us.

But I'm the only one who's been trying...

for two years.

- Shit! - Sorry, I didn't know.

Forget it.

You jerk.

TWO YEARS EARLIER

So, we'll have a kid when we have a steady income, maturity, and time?

That's the idea.

That's called retirement.

So we'll start as grandparents!

I don't just want a child.

I want one with you.

When I'm pregnant, my breasts will be mice as big.

Hold everything. We're going home to get started!

I love you.

Me too.

I meant it.

We always picture cops with mustaches.

They had to wear them until 1952.

- What? - A friend of Charlie's.

How's it going?

Cassandra, my fiancée.

Jeanne, my assistant.

That other guy's here, too.

Okay, talk to you soon.

- What are you doing here? - Going to the theater, like you.

- This is my son. - You have a son?

Actor, like your dad?

Not at all. A businessman. He likes money,

the stock exchange, layoffs...

a real capitalist.

Back to exploiting Chinese children.

So...

Have a nice evening.

So you're in television?

What do you write?

Sketches...

- Short sketches... - Good ones!

I'm going backstage to see Charlie.

Me, too. See you inside.

Be right back.

Shall we get you popcorn, too?

Where are you going?

Going backstage to see Charlie.

Elie, it's Charlie.

When you get here, come backstage.

I need you to act like my fiance.

I'll explain. Come quick.

How's it going?

Check this out!

Okay... Later.

- How's it going? - Okay.

- Seen Elie? - He ran into some celebrity.

He was schmoozing. Some hot shit!

I'm in trouble.

The manager is after me. I said my fiancé's coming.

* Really? ' Yes!

- Who wants to play along? - I'll do it.

It's you? It's him?

Yes, it's him.

It's him.

It's me.

It's him.

Yes, Louis...

- Louis des Chanelles, in two words. - Boris Naillac, in one, sorry.

As in Pierre Naillac?

That's right. He's my father.

That's wild! I wanted to do "Tartuffe"

with him, years ago.

He never called me back.

Well, he's here tonight.

You're lucky. Pierre Naillac's son,

Charlie Riva's future husband...

Not only is she lovely,

but also Paris' great new playwright.

You're going overboard.

No, it's true.

Baby, there you are!

Sorry, I couldn't park.

You Okay?

You're so gorgeous. You drive me nuts!

I could make love to you here and now.

Right on the carpet.

This is Louis des Chanelles, the theater manager.

Loulou!

Not too nervous?

And you know Boris, my fiancé.

Hi.

Good evening.

Good evening. Maxime, a friend.

So...

Actually, Louis, this is my brother.

We're brother and sister.

We're very close.

- Really, that family is so... - Fusional.

- They're all waiting in the lobby. - I'm coming.

So, we've said it all.

See you again.

Shit!

You guys are nuts!

- What cool! - I can't handle stuff like that.

That's that. This is the last play I do here.

- No, it's not. - Yes, it is.

Time to go.

It's starting and I have a good seat.

Break a leg!

Hurry, it's going to start.

Be right there.

What?

Why shouldn't I?

Do you miss her, too?

I have trouble realizing

that she's gone forever.

Yet she said she'd make it.

- What? - Never mind.

- She said what? - Forget it!

You knew?

You knew and didn't tell me?

- She wouldn't talk about it. - Except to you, and Boris.

Only I knew.

And you kept it to yourself!

Think it was easy to pretend?

I thought she loved us the same.

40.

No, I don't know where the sponge is.

- What're you doing? - It's his birthday.

We'll celebrate.

I bet Aix-en-Provence by night is hopping.

Oh boy...

No need to put yourselves out.

I don't care about my birthday.

It's your 40th. It matters.

And it'd make me happy.

You're up next.

Our turn, let's go.

Hang on.

Where you going?

- Where's he going? - No idea.

- Let's go. - I'm not singing with a traitor.

Gonna bust our chops all evening?

Don't talk to me like that.

It was supposed to be a trio,

but since no one cares, it's an "uno."

LVnn?

Don't recognize me?

Boris Naillac, summer '87.

Saint-Jean-de-Luz.

Thanks, I'm not crazy.

Sorry, but... I wasn't expecting...

You live here? Not in the bar but...

I'm here for work. I leave tomorrow. And you?

I'm bringing a cross-eyed backpack to Corsica.

What?

Nothing, forget it.

Nice to see you again.

Same here.

So, see you in 25 years?

Sure, it's a date.

Have a nice evening.

What a jerk!

That was for Boris over there.

It's his 40th birthday. Give him a hand.

Thanks, everybody.

What'd you think?

Say, let's all sulk for your birthday.

I'll sulk if I want.

Good answer.

The party's for you.

Plan my New Year's, too?

What's your problem?

She send you packing?

She's not enough like Charlie?

- Don't goad me. - Gonna hit me?

- How can you talk like that? - Easy.

I was her friend, not a glum ex or a kid she ass-wiped.

Am I the kid?

- Stay out of it. - Shut your trap.

None of your lip. I'm not your dog.

You're a lousy TV gag writer.

And look where you spend your birthday!

It's pathetic.

- Giving lessons now? - Maybe.

I prefer my dream woman to you guys.

Who do you mean? You only have your maid.

She doesn't fuck bums.

No wonder you can't reproduce!

Repeat that.

You make me sick.

Lucky Charlie can't see you.

You Okay?

- Happy birthday. - Thanks.

Real happy.

I was thinking...

Maybe 25 years is a long time to wait before meeting again.

Want to get some air?

Sorry, I'm not much fun.

My best friend died a few days ago.

Yesterday I couldn't even say it.

She's dead.

Charlie's dead.

You always knew how to talk to women.

TWO AND A HALF YEARS EARLIER

Shit.

Fuck.

Matthieu?

No, Maxime.

Sorry. Remember? Elie.

The party, the Chaplins and all.

Off to summer camp?

No, I'm waiting for Charlie.

Like you, I imagine.

She told me you were a joker.

So the 2 of us are waiting like fools.

3, apparently.

Remember?

Elie...

- And Maxence. - Maxime!

Max, in other words.

You came for...

Of course.

Nice suit. A wedding later?

I'm a grownup.

The plane's two hours late. Bummer.

Yeah, "bummer."

A coffee?

A coffee, and something to eat.

I haven't eaten since...

Hot chocolate, 2 croissants, quiche...

And a muffin. You'll be sick.

I never throw up.

Known Charlie long?

- Quite a while. - Practically since I was born.

Not very long, then.

I'll go buy her a gift.

Good idea. I'll come, too.

We won't find anything good here.

Ilvvell?

Sure we will. Don't worry.

Mom?

It's me.

I couldn't call earlier. We just landed.

Not great.

They confirm what the doctors say here.

Don't cry, Mom.

I'll be all right.

I'll put up a fight, you know.

No, I'm not alone. I have friends coming to meet me.

I'll see you tonight, anyway.

See you later. I love you.

I love you, Mom.

How're you guys?

- Okay. - How're you?

Hum VG“?

I'm so glad you're here!

We didn't come for you, but to shop.

We found you this.

A stuffed animal backpack!

Do I put it on?

A stuffed animal backpack...

Perfect, I didn't have one.

Do I look silly enough for you?

Just fine. You're perfect.

Can we go now?

Reminds me of my teddy bear.

Your idea?

- It was Matthieu's idea. - Maxime.

A collector's item.

- Can I take it off now? - No, keep it on.

Until when?

Till the day you die.

Sorry about yesterday.

We all said things we don't think. But enough sulking.

Here.

I don't give a shit.

- It's a Hawaiian sandwich. - Really?

Thanks. But when I finish it, I'm going on alone.

Elie's phone! It rang all night.

Answer. It might be important.

I'd rather not.

I'm no singer, I'm a Ninja Turtle.

What do you want?

- Jeanne called. - And?

All night long.

Can I have some privacy?

What's up?

I'll call you later, honey.

I knew it.

I'm going to be a father.

I'm going to be a father.

Man!

Want to go back to Paris?

We have something to finish.

Father, for chrissake!

I have something to tell you.

I knew Charlie was going to die.

She told me before going into the hospital.

She made me swear not to tell.

Sorry. I promised.

Did Elie know?

No, only me.

Not too angry at me?

I'd have done the same.

No more driving.

It's Shabbat.

We'll just sleep here.

You observe Shabbat?

Sure.

As a dad, I want to be in good with the Guy upstairs.

We're not stopping just because you saw the Virgin!

I can drive.

Forget it.

Anyway, we're all beat.

Isn't this beautiful?

Do you go to the moon with...

With Chaplin?

Yes.

And Charlie, too?

- What do you mean, no? - We'll never guess.

I'll tell you because you'll never guess.

I go to the moon

with everything that really goes to the moon.

A rocket, for instance.

- Lousy rule! - It sucks! You're playing with us.

Apart from a rocket, what else?

You could've said a space ship, and you'd be right.

Or Neil Armstrong,

or a satellite.

I'll never teach you a game.

- Lousy! - It sucks!

Since when does Chaplin go to the moon?

Since an old comic strip,

Chaplin Goes to the Moon.

When was that?

I don't know, 1909!

Can you feel it kicking?

Not until 4 months?

So not yet?

I'll let you rest.

No alcohol.

No drugs!

I love you, too.

You observe Shabbat eating pork on the phone?

It's a start.

- You have 19 messages. - I'll worry about it later.

Nice new background image.

Now you know how to change it.

What'll we call your kid?

I like Yves.

No, that's too... Yves.

I like it.

Don't rack your brains. It'll be Charlie.

Charlie David Moses. For roots.

- What if it's a girl? - She'll deal with it.

And Max'll be godfather.

What?

You'll be godfather.

Here we are.

Incredible.

I think it's the right place.

I don't believe it!

Something to remember.

It's 30-year-old arthritis!

Sure is!

Resolution time! You're 30.

I'm 30!

You're only filming my teeth, you bastard.

Watch what you're doing.

One last funky photo before you turn 30.

Take a pose.

- Want a drink? - You bet I do.

A mojito!

Happy Birthday!

Not you, too?

What do you mean?

You look great!

I want a picture of you 3.

What 3?

A surprise, you'll see.

Where are they?

I can't believe you 3 had the same idea.

A picture!

Smile!

You 3 are something!

Why the glum faces?

It's my party-

It never occurred to me, but you 3 should get along.

Hey, I love this song!

I'll dance and come back.

Promise.

Elie. Pleased to meet you.

Maxime.

Boris.