Original subtitles

A year's work burning.

Pa, you should've talked to the man.

I intend to do that also.

I think we're being a mite too light on Mr. Springer.

Makes a sight, don't it, Judge?

Jay's bringing in Springer.

Man was in such a hurry to see you, Pa, he just didn't have time to dress.

Sorry to get you up at this early hour, Mr. Springer,

but you've got one minute to say your piece.

Oh, for the love of God, Judge.

I got a missus and four young'uns back there at the house.

You were told to get out before the wheat came up.

I swear to you, Judge, I never rode with no jayhawkers.

I swear, I never.

Now, Mr. Springer, you're working land bought for taxes,

over the body of a man who was fighting for his country.

It was from Talbot I bought the land.

Like most all the land around here was bought from Talbot.

I think you know we're especially interested in Talbot.

Heard it was you who probably knew where he settled.

Oh, no, Judge. I ain't seen him in about three years.

Pa?

Now look here, is it gonna be your neck, Mr. Springer,

or is it gonna be Talbot?

He's a rancher.

Out west of Dodge City, that's the last I heard.

Mr. Springer, you'll go back to your house,

you will pack, and by morning, you'll be off this land.

You're gonna lose more than your wheat crop, Mr. Springer, if you're not.

It's a long ride to Dodge. Anybody not up to it?

Pa, I don't think we ought to ride any deeper into Kansas.

I don't mind you talking about this night, Mr. Springer.

Make our job easy if people get off the land before we got to them.

Jay, I don't like riding outside the Missouri border.

Talbot's the top man on Pa's list.

- Your own pa said I was to go free! - Jay!

People start finding bodies instead of ashes they'll come around faster.

Get on home, Springer.

Since when did you start calling the turn?

Why don't you tell Pa you're not feeling fit for riding?

Have him think my tail's turning yellow the minute we get out of Missouri?

You're trying awful hard to prove you're a bigger man than Pa.

Storm's behind us now.

My vote's still to take the road straight through Dodge.

Give Jay a chance to warm up with some of them chills he's got.

We go through Dodge, Judge, word's gonna travel on ahead about us.

Ross! Williams!

Those telegraph lines can't be too far off the road.

- Cut the wires, and meet us in Dodge. - Right.

A little whiskey won't hurt anyone.

- Let's go! - Let's go!

Well! Now, will you looky here.

What's a little, bitty ol' bundle like you

doing out on a wet night like this?

Where you'd ought to be is tuckered in alongside your mama.

Unless, of course, she's out gallivanting again.

Say, that mama of yours,

she sure ain't gonna win no prizes as a homebody.

That's what you'd better had, is a swallow or two of warm milk.

I'll just go and put some on the stove right now.

You see, with me sleeping in the freight house nights,

you'd be getting a watchman without paying for one.

Well, a night watchman isn't exactly what we need right now, Louie.

However, I... I don't see why the freight company would object if you...

What's the matter, Louie?

It's Judge Proctor... his men.

Proctor?

Ain't good to let the judge look on your face, Nathan. Ain't good.

All right, now I want you to drink some milk

and then I want you to go hunt down your ma and tell her

to get herself home where she ought to be.

Come on, here. Drink it. It's good and warm, now.

Drink it, right there.

This town sure goes to bed early.

Town burners. Killers.

Town saloon closing this early?

Oh, it's not the usual thing, friend. It's Johnsonville.

Most of the Dodge folks are there,

helping celebrate what you might call its birthday.

Twenty years old today.

You got an awful lot of customers here, friend.

I think you'd better unlock that door.

We didn't ride all day and half the night through rain

just to sit out in the street.

I got orders from Miss Russell to close anytime I get tired tonight.

And I'm close to not keeping my eyes open.

You ain't going to be seeing out of them eyes soon if you don't open that door.

Whoa, now. You'd better back off, little fella.

If Sam says he's locking up here,

why, that's just what he's doing, locking up.

Better tell them who you are, Pa.

I'm Judge Proctor, but that's neither here nor there.

Came into Dodge counting on getting something to warm us.

Another hour, we'll be out on our way again

and grateful for your hospitality.

Well, it is kind of a chilly night, all right.

See, old Sam here, he's the boss of the Long Branch

when Miss Kitty's out of town.

Well, all right.

Excuse me, friend.

I wonder what business they got in Kansas?

Kansas sure ain't Judge Proctor's bailiwick,

- I know that for certain. - Riding through, they said.

I can't think of anyplace that Proctor and his men ride through

without someone coming to some grief.

More coming in.

I'm talking to Festus.

- Festus! - What is it, Louie?

Festus, you doing anything about them killers in town?

Now just hold on, Louie.

We don't know for a fact that they're killers.

Even if I did, why, I couldn't be holding them

without proof that they're wanted, don't you see?

They're killers, all right. The judge carries a book around.

And they only ride to places at night...

Louie, I want you to quit your fretting now.

Them fellas has went into the saloon there

to get theirselves dried out and get warm and then they're leaving town.

Now, I don't want to hear no more of your palaver.

They got something against Dodge.

There won't be no Dodge City left in the morning!

Burke...

I'll get your freight office swept down, Nathan.

Why you little old scamp, you got a belly bigger than old Ruth.

You drank enough to float twice your size.

Now, I want you to go on out of here.

Get, get, get, get, get.

- Marshal. - I ain't the marshal. I'm the deputy.

Marshal Dillon, he's went over to Johnsonville.

Been doing some speeching over there.

That's something he don't like to do too good.

I don't blame him. Made more than a few in my time.

Is your doctor also out of town?

Doc? He's a doctoring the widow Ingram.

- He ought to be back directly though. - We'll be here no more than an hour.

If he comes in, I'd like him to take a look at one of my sons.

Oh? Is the boy sick, is he?

Probably be all right after he warms up a bit.

I've been meaning to inquire, do you know a man named Talbot?

Talbot?

He settled down on some land west of Dodge, I understand.

No, don't recall no Talbot.

You don't recall or you don't want to?

You heard me plain enough, didn't you?

He may be living under a different name. Be quite a wealthy man.

He moved down here several years back.

No. Feared I can't help you none.

Well, no matter. Thank you.

I'll be stretching my legs a bit.

Festus. Well, Louie sure got nervous

seeing all them Missourians enter town, didn't he?

Appears like old Louie ain't the onlyest ones a little nervous.

You wouldn't have any coffee going, would you, Festus?

I... I mean, I'd be glad to make some fresh for you.

What you're actually trying to say, Burke,

is that you'd like to hang around for a little bit, is that it?

Well, go on, help yourself.

The judge throws a scare into Talbot and we just ride off,

Talbot no worse off than some sweating.

Yeah, I'm beginning to lean to you, Mr. Berber.

Let 'em start finding a couple of graves.

It won't hurt us none as long as they can't prove nothing.

There's no doubt about it.

The judge is a tired man.

Oh, no, it's all too far back. Like burning Springer out.

All right, all right. The land was stole.

Land grabbers moving in while everybody was away fighting.

But it was Springer that bought from Talbot.

Maybe Talbot bought from somebody else,

and somebody from somebody else.

Pa's told you often enough you don't have to stay around.

Look, I just don't want Pa dying

for something nobody clearly understands any more.

I got an understanding of it. Good land sold out from under Pa

while he's fighting for the rights of this country.

You!

You did that on purpose!

You had your foot out.

Yeah, but you saw it!

Just like you saw us coming into town and tried to close the saloon.

My closing had nothing to do with you or your people.

What side of that Missouri border you lived on?

Meaning, you don't talk like no Kansan, mister.

I don't see fit to answer questions from the likes of you.

Likes of me?

You mean the likes of us, don't you?

Missourians done out of our lands.

A night rider picks up his own excuses as he goes along.

Land lost, wrong side of the war...

it adds to the same misery for innocent people.

- We're nightriders? - Jay!

Nightriders don't stick in your craw, brother, it does mine.

You have any other opinions of us you'd like to get off your chest?

In a few words, people are tired of you Missouri riders,

burning farms out, trying to bring back the war.

Few words? Mister, you got the night.

I lost two brothers in that war, fighting on different sides.

And I lost another brother in Lawrence when scum like you sacked that town,

and run a boy down in the street who wasn't even old enough

to know what it was all about.

Did I hear you say scum?

When a man asks my opinion, he gets no halfway answers.

Hey, Jay!

- Get off! Get off! - Who started this?

Jay didn't agree with this man's unflattering opinion of us.

My orders on every man behaving himself also applies to my sons.

What is this?

- What happened, Sam? - He hit me with a bottle.

We'll get you up to Doc's place. Burke, help him get up there.

Make sure he makes it.

Now, did you have some call to hit Sam, young fella?

Man calls me scum he's lucky to get away with a headache.

Well, Sam, he don't use no hard words unless they get called for.

I guess I'll just throw you in jail and then you can tell it all

to Marshal when he gets back in the morning.

I think a plain case of rowdyism calls for say, a fine, not jail.

With Sam up yonder with a cracked head,

it calls for a little more than money, Mr. Proctor.

Now, the Marshal wouldn't do no less than throw you in jail,

and I'm a-fixing to do the same thing. Come on, son.

Deputy, you're shoving both feet into a bucket of trouble.

You just head on to that jail and I'll worry about that.

Marshal!

You've no right to make this a personal thing.

Personal thing?

Our reception in this town has not been the warmest.

It's obvious that you people think a bit differently than we do.

It's quite apparent that your sympathies are,

to say the least, not with my men.

Mr. Proctor, I don't reckon you know Dodge City too well.

In this here town, when a man lays a hand on another man,

he's got to answer for it.

That's the way it's been, that's the way it's going to stay.

I don't intend to ride on with one of my men in jail over a trivial incident.

You can call it what you want to, but he's going to jail.

- Doc? - Whoa.

You'll find Sam up at your place. He needs some doctoring.

This here fella will need some doctoring, too.

Well, I'll have a look at Sam and I'll be right down.

Come on.

Deputy!

I'm leaving this town in exactly one hour.

I expect you to see your way clear to have my son released within that time.

Mr. Proctor, your boy,

he ain't gonna be out of no jail in no hour,

not unless the marshal comes back and says that's the way he wants it to be.

One hour, the judge says.

That'll be about midnight.

We're here to back him up.

I say let's go over there and take that jail apart right now.

Then we can go find Talbot's place and teach that land-grabber a lesson.

Then we can hightail it on back to Missouri.

As sick as Jay is, you know he shouldn't be riding tonight.

Jay will ride with us.

I'm willing to go along with Mr. Berber and the Judge.

Judge calls it. He says one hour.

You know my policy.

You don't confront the law head on when you can avoid it.

An hour of thought on the part of that deputy and we may come to an agreement.

Doc?

- Hello, Festus. - How's Sam?

Well, he's going to have a headache for a few days,

but he'll sleep all right tonight, I fixed that.

How's that Proctor boy?

Well, he's... he's a-complaining about being cold,

in betwixt them cuss words he was spouting out

while I was locking him in jail.

You keeping him in jail, Festus?

Well, unless Doc says he's ought to be moved,

that's what I'm gonna do.

Well, I mean, if they want to leave town,

if the only thing holding them is Proctor's son in jail,

- why don't you just... - Oh, for heaven's sakes, Burke!

Well, I was talking to Louie, and he says he's heard an awful lot

about Proctor and his men along that Missouri border.

Burke, why don't you and Louie mind your own business.

Now, Festus has got enough on his mind, and he's doing this just right.

And as for that young fella in there, he deserves what anybody else does.

No more, no less.

And if you want to make yourself useful, Burke,

why don't you go down yonder and look after the Long Branch for old Sam.

But Sam almost got killed by Proctor and his men.

Maybe I'd be next.

Burke, we're a little shy of menfolk in Dodge right now.

Why don't you just help us out a little bit.

Look after Miss Kitty's interests. Go on!

Judge doesn't have to know about this, of course.

Give that deputy something to think about, what it'll do.

I just as soon touch off the whole town.

Only the livery.

Oh, I'm... just sort of helping, see if you need anything.

What's that stuff?

Well, I could give you a name for it,

but you wouldn't remember it for two minutes.

Let's just say it's better for you than that stuff you've been drinking.

Here you are.

I'll take a bottle of whiskey.

That'd be about the worst thing you could do, son.

Now, let me tell you something.

I want to take you up to the office and I'll make room for you...

The only place I'm going is out of this jail at midnight.

And then out of this town.

How is he, Doc?

Well, not very good.

Got something a little more serious than just the chills, I'll tell you that.

What do you figure I ought to do about him?

Well, there's not much you can do, Festus.

Or me, for that matter.

I can't treat a patient by force.

It'd be the same as killing him. And if you let him ride out of here,

it'd be about the same thing.

Oh, I ain't had no idea about letting him ride out.

Onlyest thing, I just wanted to know that we're

doing everything we can for him.

Well, you can be sure of that, all right.

But I'm more worried about you, Festus. I mean, I'm worried about that Proctor.

I just don't know whether he's bluffing or not.

I don't know how far he'll go.

Now, that Farmers' Alliance that he's heading up...

that don't fool me any. That's just like all the rest of them,

the Sons of the Red Legs, and the Missouri Volunteers

and the Party of Independence, I know about them.

They're a bunch of lawbreaking,

marauding ruffians, what they are, and I just...

Well, I don't know how far that Proctor's gonna go.

Well, I reckon we'll find out

whether he's bluffing along about midnight, won't we?

Eleven-thirty, right now.

I'll look in on Sam.

Festus, I'm available if you need me

and I wouldn't want you to hesitate a second to call on me.

Sure am obliged to you, Doc.

- Louie. - Evening, Doc.

- You look sober. - You bet I am.

Night man best stay sober.

Proud of you.

- Goodnight, Doc. - Night, Louie.

Festus, I've been thinking about it.

Thinking about what, Louie?

The real coincidence,

you being alone here in town tonight,

Judge Proctor and his boys riding in.

Maybe it's you that's on that list the judge carries.

Maybe you've been on the wrong side,

and the judge knowing the town's empty, and you being here...

Louie, I ain't so sure that you're sober.

I think you got a ways to go yet.

Anyways...

Well, where in the tarnation

did you get that old handful of rust at?

It's loaded, Festus. Be careful of it.

Louie, this here thing wouldn't go off

if you put a barrel of dynamite under it.

Then again, it just could go off and take your hand with it.

I'm not standing by watching you in trouble.

Louie, sometimes a fella

just don't know where his friends is coming from.

I sure do count you as a plumb special kind of a friend.

Much obliged to you.

Fire! Fire in the livery!

Hey, come out! There's a fire!

There's a fire in the livery!

Look out! Get out of the way!

Fire! Fire in the livery!

Come out here! Come help me out!

Fire! Fire! Come on!

Come on, I'm trying to save your life. Come on!

Well, I'd say it was their problem, the town's.

They be town burners!

Ruth, come on!

Come on. Come on. Come on.

Come on. Get out of the way! Come on!

Come on! Come on! Come on!

Hyah! Go! Hyah! Go! Hyah!

Unless we're asked for help, I... I don't see no need to offer it.

Come on! Look out! Come on!

Burke, hurry it up! Get going.

Keep that water coming.

We're coming.

Come on! Clear out! Clear out!

They did it.

- What are you talking about? - I said they did it.

- Did you see 'em, Burke? - I didn't have to see them.

All right then, just hush up.

The best thing for you is go on home and get some sleep.

Now, Scotty, I want you to send a telegraph off to Johnsonville.

Tell Matthew to...

That's what I come before to tell you, Festus.

The telegraph ain't working.

Hey, I'll bet they cut the wires.

Just like they tried to burn down this stable.

Just hold it, now. Hold it.

Festus, what are you trying to do?

You trying to protect these men?

If Proctor wants to move on, let him move on.

Should we take a vote on it, Festus? I mean, so you won't get no blame.

No, we ain't taking no vote now, Louie.

You're just trying to play games with our hides,

- that's what you're doing. - Burke, I've heard enough from you.

Now, this is just pure old plain and simple.

There's a fella in that jail that's supposed to be there

and that's where he's a-fixing to stay.

Now, get out of my way.

Hey, Deputy.

You figure that old fire in there be a problem,

you just ask us boys to pitch in.

We're showing up here to lend a helping hand now.

Wait a minute, what's the matter here? What's going on?

Doc, right there's a knothead

that's fixing to get his ugly face smoothed out.

Oh, come here. You've got that badge on now.

You don't have to push anybody around and smooth their face out.

Now, just get on in here.

Pa, can we talk?

Since when do you have to ask if you can talk?

You most times appear to shut me off when I have something to say.

Well, say it. Say it now.

Well, that man Springer, this fellow Talbot...

I mean, when everything's all over, I wonder what we've accomplished.

Don't you understand, boy?

You don't let soup stand, you stir it up, you get it to bubbling,

you get people to notice there's wrongs to be righted.

You get people to look to you.

A hundred, a thousand, millions maybe,

if the Good Lord spares me that much time.

The good Lord, Pa?

You call on God to help you burn people out?

I mean, get 'em so scared of your name...

You wanted to know what we're accomplishing and I told you.

Pa, you've told me nothing.

There's a war been fought and it's not over yet.

You fellas know what's good for you, you'd be getting out of town right now.

You don't think Marshal Dillon in Johnsonville

don't know there's no telegraph here?

Don't think he won't be figuring there's trouble and come here?

Ross, you ride outside town a ways

and you stop anybody coming in. Anybody. Go on.

Come on.

Well, I know that don't feel good, Festus, but it's not serious.

That's irritation from the smoke's what it is.

It'll water for a while, but it'll be all right.

Obliged, Doc. Come in.

I'm Jay's brother.

I'd, uh, like to talk to him.

I ain't got no objections.

Doc here is fixing to go and see him.

Now, Doc, about Jay...

Him always being so cold and the way he can't get his breath sometimes.

Well, I can understand your concern. There's plenty to worry about.

Seems to me like your father would have done a little worrying.

Well, uh, he's had a lot on his mind.

Here, here, you know what Doc told you about drinking that whiskey.

I don't care what that old quack said.

Way I felt until I got some whiskey going in me, I'd liked to die.

Well, now, that's just exactly what you're working up to, son.

Now that's a stimulant and the last thing your heart needs is more work.

You're flirting around with pneumonia.

When's Pa riding on?

He still sets midnight.

Hear it, Deputy. Hear it good.

What you won't hear is the shovels over your grave after that time.

- You ain't gonna be drinking more... - Give me that!

Festus!

Wait a minute. Hold on, Doc.

Now, you know Matthew don't allow no whiskey drinking in the jailhouse.

I know that. I know it.

And I know it's no good for him to be drinking in there either,

but you struggling with him like that in his condition,

that could be just as bad or even worse. You can't do that.

Well, he's just plain old mule stubborn, is what he is.

Yeah, well you can't do anything about that, either.

Hey, Jay.

Jay, you been noticing a change in Pa?

- Like what? - The last six months.

He don't give many orders to anybody.

It's always Berber saying something.

So?

Well, he'd never would've had Springer burned out

- if it weren't for Berber pushing for it. - Berber wants things done.

Oh, he wants it back ten, 20 years ago. Past any time we can remember.

You know, Jay, I ain't never seen a real live Jayhawker my whole life.

Like the North-South war.

It's always somebody saying we got robbed of our lands.

Jay, I ain't never seen those lands.

Is it different from land we could settle right now?

I'm getting tired of listening to you whining.

Always wanting to know if I'm trying to measure up to Pa.

Well, brother Eliot, you don't even start to measure.

In fact, I think you're a plain-livered coward!

Jay?

Jay, you all right?

Get out of here!

Leave me be!

Looks like the pilgrim here has a bone to pick.

You've been fish-eyeing us since we rode in.

I don't know what you mean.

Well, the way you look at us sometimes, like you want to say something, huh?

Look, I'm not looking for no trouble.

Well, maybe we offended you then.

Something you want to take up with me?

What's going on here?

Well, now... I say, well now.

Our dog-eared deputy.

Nothing going on in this town without you making it a personal thing, huh?

They pestering you some, are they, Burke?

No, I was just moving on, Festus.

Well, now, you're sure quick to swing

the weight of that badge around, don't you, Deputy?

What is it you're trying to say?

I'm saying, dog-ear,

that you'd be a whole lot more respectful

without that piece of tin stuck to your shirt, Deputy.

Well now, just don't let this deputy badge hobble you none.

Whenever you get to feeling froggy, just hop on.

Show me.

Pa!

Pa!

It's Jay.

I think he's dead.

Hold it right there, mister.

You'd better put that gun down. I'm a United States Marshal.

Well now, you're the one I was waiting for, Marshal.

Will you drop your gun?

Uh-uh. Nice and easy.

Who are you?

I'm a Proctor man. You ever hear of him?

What business the Judge got in Dodge City?

I wouldn't keep asking questions unless you figure on bucking this rifle.

I guess that wouldn't be too smart, would it?

Now...

we'll just finish our little talk on the way into Dodge.

Shame.

Young fellow like that.

Just wouldn't listen.

Nothing anybody could do for him.

How about a doctor that had some interest in him?

Oh, I'd like to jab my foot right in his mouth, spur and all.

Well now, hold on here just a minute.

It seems to me like you got some other problems.

How you planning on handling them?

Well, Doc, whatever this badge says I'm supposed to do,

that's what I'm gonna do.

Glad to hear you say that, Festus. Now that's the way Matt handles it.

Lets that badge do the talking, not his temper, you know.

Well, I pretty near let mine scoot away from me out yonder, didn't I?

Well, you sure...

The Judge wants to see you two outside.

Don't!

Unless you want to see Doc here carried out feet first.

The party's outside, you both got invites.

Move.

Calls himself a doctor?

A man doesn't die in one night, not from a chill.

Every paper in Missouri's gonna be asking why your son died

in a Dodge jail instead of being tended to.

And there won't be one paper in Missouri not asking what action you took.

This town lacks law.

This town lacks people willing to enforce the law.

It does not lack for spite, for vindictiveness.

One man wears a badge, locking my son in a jail

even knowing he's signing my son's death warrant.

Oh, why don't you talk some sense.

Another father would simply put a bullet into you.

But you're all equally guilty,

all protecting the man you know we had come for.

You had to know who Talbot was.

Talbot?

Are you talking about Jim Talbot?

Strange how nobody remembers until now.

Well, I don't know what you're talking about.

But I know Jim Talbot. He owned a lot of land around Dodge.

Came out from Missouri a few years back to settle on some of it.

He was a recluse. Strange sort of a fellow, nobody knew much about him,

'cause he took sick a day or two after he arrived

and sold all the land through an eastern broker.

I remember him because I tended him at his death.

- Death? - Died about three years ago.

Come all the way to Dodge for a dead man.

Now you be taking one back.

Burn this town to the ground!

Move! Move! Move! Come on!

Let's go. Let's go.

Judge, if you're after some sort of a reputation,

you may accomplish that here tonight.

A reputation for seeking justice in the town of Dodge?

My son lost his life here.

No, not lost. He gave it away, and you helped.

Stand right where you are. Nobody move.

Drop the gun belts.

Don't try it, Judge. I'm a United States Marshal.

Eleven guns against one man? You're not very prudent, Marshal.

The gun belts.

There's no way he can come out better than second best, Judge.

He may be right, Judge, but you'll be dead, too.

I don't count.

When you men leave here, I'll be dead.

But you'll go on, carrying on the work we started.

I'd hoped to find you more reasonable, Judge.

My son lies dead in that jail.

And killed by his own pa.

That's right, Pa. You killed him.

Jay not dead by any other hand but yours.

That's enough, boy!

You had more hate than love for your sons, Pa.

You ain't even gone over to that jail to see Jay's body.

And now I'm gonna die because I got to defend you.

Now, Pa, that's got to be hate.

- I never wanted anybody to die, son. - All right, then put the gun down.

How do we stand, Marshal?

The only thing you're wanted in Kansas for right now

is burning a wheat field. That might be a good place to leave it.

We'll leave it there.

No, no. You're not talking for us, Judge.

You'll be a man alone, Berber.

No, you're the man alone.

I've always taken the responsibility for what my men do.

And that's the way it will continue.

Step aside, Judge.

All right, up.

Collect their guns, Festus.

Come on. Louie?

I never... I never hated my sons or boys.

Maybe I...

Maybe I wanted to put off seeing Jay

till the light of morning,

not wanting to believe he's gone.

It's all right, Pa. It's all right.

Because... because a man's not the smartest person in the world

doesn't mean he hates the one he loves.

Shh, Pa, you shouldn't be talking.

I think the doctor's agreeing,

that won't make the difference.

You said, boy, you didn't know what it was all about.

Well, maybe it wasn't about anything.

An echo from the war.

You've proven that nobody goes back.

Something ahead is...

What are you doing there?

Oh, just polishing up this here badge.

What for?

So's I can give it back to Matthew in as good a shape as I got it in.

Well, it's not necessary.

Much as it pains me to say this, Festus,

that badge never got one little bit tarnished

while it's been pinned to your vest there. Matt...

the brightest thing in Dodge City last night

was that badge shining up, and that's the truth.

- I know, Doc. - Well.

Well, don't let it go to your head.

Everything improves with age, you know. It's supposed to.

It's just one of the schemes of things of nature.

Even your mule is getting old enough now

to where he can kind of find the way to his own oat bin.

Now, why'd you have to bring Ruth in...

No, you ain't gonna get me mad today.

No, sir.

Fact is, I was gonna buy you fellas breakfast this morning.

Steak and eggs and biscuits, gravy...

Say now, that sounds pretty good, but how is it you're feeling so rich?

Oh, I got the answer for that all right.

You know the rumor that's been going around

that he turns in an expense voucher to the town council every month?

Well, that's a little bit more than a rumor.

Happens to be the truth, because last month,

an item showed up on his expense voucher for a new pair of britches.

And I got a surprise for you.

As head of the town council, we're not buying you any britches.

I'm hungry. Let's go get that breakfast.

Oh, all right, uh...

Matthew, I can tell you what happened.

And I wouldn't have did that if it hadn't a been in the line of duty.

You remember when I went out to serve that warrant for you

out at Arthur Bean's place?

And you know that big, old, whiskeredy-jawed,

waggledy-tailed dog of his that acts so friendly?

Well, he ain't.

He glommed on to the seat of my britches

and just like to tore them clean off of me.

If I hadn't a-went to work and bought me a new pair of britches

out of my own money, why I'd have been a-running around Dodge

naked as a picked prairie chicken, don't you see?

Festus, we'd better get on over there.

Doc's gonna be expecting you to buy his breakfast.

Well, he can just sit there and fiddle with his moustache.

If he ain't gonna get me no new britches,

I ain't gonna buy him no free breakfast.

That wily, ol' skunkin'...