Original subtitles

All right. All right.

You'd better start another round, cousin.

But I'll tell you one thing, Cousin Smiley, these town folks sure do have sharp eyes.

We keep this up, we're gonna lose every cent we got.

All right, let's have another game. Place your bets, now.

Another game. Who's ready? Who's willing?

Why that's that big old long-legged ridge-runner, Elbert Moses.

That's who that is.

Well, that's one way of describing him.

See that other one there with him, Matthew,

grinning like a cat-eating cactus?

That's his cousin, Smiley.

And when he starts to smiling,

you'd better get a good halt on your pocket money.

Well, I noticed that just looking out through the jail.

Well, maybe you're right, cousin,

but it just don't seem a fair kind of game

if we quit just on account we're losing.

That's right. You said table stakes.

You said we could bet till your money's gone.

All right. All right, then...

Well then, let's have bets for another game.

What do you say? Huh? Which one now? Where's the pea?

If Elbert Moses ever quit swindling people

and turned in some honest work, he'd make a good living.

Oh, fiddle, the onlyest honest breath either one of them ever took

was the day they was born.

- Seventeen dollars? - Seventeen dollars.

Well, I guess maybe we can cover that much, cousin, can we?

- Yeah. - I... I got another ten.

- Good. - Twenty-five cents.

No puny, piddling 25 cents. These be high stakes, mister.

Cousin Elbert Moses, now, the man's money is welcome,

as long as he earned it honest. Now, did you?

Of course!

Well then, uh, you're covered here. Cover the man's quarter.

Twenty-five cents.

All right, ladies and gentlemen. Now, watch the pea.

Find out which shell it's under, and here we go.

Round and round she goes, where she stops nobody knows.

Hand is quicker than the eye, hand is quicker than the eye!

Which one's it under? Where's the pea?

I say it's under the middle one. The middle one.

Same here.

All right, look. I'm gonna give you folks

another chance to guess, you want it?

It's the middle one, mister. You're not gonna change our minds.

In fact, I'll cover the rest of the money you got in your hand.

Elbert, seems to me I told you last time you came to Dodge

you'd have to behave yourself, didn't I?

Well now, Marshal, as you can see,

there ain't nobody more law-abiding than old Cousin Smiley and me right this minute.

Why, this is just a game of skill. A little friendly wager

so they can try to guess where the pea's hid.

- Right. - Uh-huh.

There is a pea under one of those shells, I take it?

Yeah.

We guessed right five times in a row, Marshal.

All right, I think I'll make a little wager myself then.

Matthew, I saw how this game...

I'm just gonna wager as to whether or not you two

are gonna be riding out of town in about five minutes.

All right, I'll take that middle one myself.

Go on, turn the others over.

Give me my money.

I'm going to Miss Kitty's.

Now, I'm going to tell you two once more for the last time.

Don't you come back into Dodge unless you've got legitimate business here.

Now, if you ride out in the next five minutes,

you might just save yourself a jail sentence.

Five minutes.

Took us an awful long time

to put them dollars together we see walking away.

Now, that ain't fair.

Oh, just about as fair as you setting these folks up

and then taking their hard earned money, ain't it?

I don't reckon you'd want to make a bet

about which hand that pea's hide in, would you?

Oh, I must have dropped it on the ground...

Oh.

Why is it every time I run into bad luck, you're around?

Is that what you call bad luck, is it?

Cheating folks and getting caught at it?

Get out of town.

Elbert Moses, I'm just feeling all crinkly

the way money's been avoiding me lately.

Yeah, well I figure we've been practically cheated,

way them people just grabbed that money and run.

I tell you, I sure would like to get even with these

smart-alecky, stupid townpeople.

Well, get even's all right with me,

as long as it puts some money in my pocket.

Then why don't we get us a bottle and a place and figure on it?

Yeah, except we ain't got the price for a bottle.

Well then, I reckon we can do without one.

But I'll tell you one thing, Cousin Smiley.

I figure we've been took for 50 dollars,

and I figure this town's got that coming back in grief.

Come on, Cousin Smiley.

That's a fool thing.

You burn down the jail, they'll just build another.

Yeah, it sure would pleasure me though to see the marshal running out

in the middle of the night in his long johns,

kinda smoking here and there.

No, you got to beat them Dodge people in dealings.

That's the way to hurt them.

Gonna have to get used to being on the move again, old girl.

It's like the old saying, use a little honey, show a little peace,

then they never get mad at the nice fella.

- You being the nice fella, of course. - Of course.

Morning, friends.

You boys like to do me a favor?

We got our own problems, friend.

No, no, I didn't mean no labor on your part.

Just these jugs of whiskey.

See, I... I can't take my whole stock along.

You fellas welcome to dispose of it any way you like.

This day sure could use some refreshment.

Sure could.

Better lend you boys a hand, seeing it don't go to waste.

Get us out of the sun, eh?

So... so old Grandma, swatting that old broom,

chasing that old bear out the back porch.

I mean... I mean, that old bear never come back!

You fellas sure make good company.

Real glad you stopped by.

Hey, you been alone here for five years, you old coot, anybody'd be good company.

Yeah, I guess.

Must be about close to five years since last fella decided to move on.

I just kept right on digging.

About two or three dollars a month about all the gold

a man can come up with right now. Real shame.

With the grace of God, being like the ground's worth

a man's labor, you'd have had here a Dodge City,

yes, town hustling and bustling.

Are you saying you own most of the diggings hereabouts...

What'd you say? How'd that go again?

Yeah, just kept buying as these fellas decided to move on.

Speculating, you might say.

You know, sometimes, I got me a whole claim for a dollar.

See, you fellas decide to buy me out,

I could let you have some 50 land titles for 50 dollars.

Fifty dollars’ worth of nothing.

Eh, sad truth that, sad truth.

Yeah, gold run about 12 cents a ton right now.

Adds up to about two, three dollars a month for a man's labor.

Well, guess I'd better get on out there and finish my packing.

You know, that sure is a good bargain, all these diggings for fifty dollars.

Bargain? In what?

Well, it's just a bargain.

Fifty dollars. We ain't got fifty cents, let alone fifty dollars.

I'm wondering if that old coot might not be a gambling man?

Oh, Cousin Smiley.

Yeah. Yes, siree.

Yeah. Been a real pleasure meeting up with you fellas.

Yeah, it'd be a real pleasure to me too, if I come out of it with a man's horse.

Oh, now, now, now. You didn't completely lose out,

me signing all them land titles over to you clear out of generosity.

I bet you give away a lot of snow at Christmas time too, don't you?

Now, recalling that bet...

I was supposed to point out where that pea be, weren't I?

Squeezing it in your hand, you were.

Tell you what, fellas. I'm the kind a man don't like

taking nothing from somebody he ain't smiling after he leave me.

I'll give you 20 dollars, thereabouts, gold poke for eating money.

My blessing's on you, boys.

Take care now, you hear?

Hyah.

Well, may as well get in there and finish what's left in them jugs.

Smiley, we are going from bad to worse, and I mean real fast.

- That don't look like no gold to me. - It just needs pounding and washing.

How come you know so much about it?

I was up in Deadwood the time they all went wild

over finding no more than just what I got in my ha...

Elbert Moses, something's coming to me. It's a little crazy, but it's coming.

Now, don't nobody know but you and me that it took that old coot a year to...

to dig up this 20 dollars' worth of gold, right?

So?

So supposing that them Dodge folks

got to thinking that we dug this gold in a day?

Oh, come on, Cousin Smiley. Ain't nobody going to believe

we can get 20 dollars out of this place in a day.

Shoot, if they did, they'd...

come running and us owning the land.

Why up there in Deadwood, as I recollect,

land that wasn't worth sneezing at

was getting a thousand dollars a lot after they brung in the gold.

A thousand dollars.

Cousin Smiley, what you're saying is clear sobering me up.

Elbert Moses, we gotta think big.

Now, what's a real fine big-sounding name for a town?

What town?

"Welcome to Gold Town?"

I thought you said we's moving to a town.

This here ain't no town.

How do you think towns get started? They get started from nothing.

Well, this here's less than nothing.

All right, now you listen.

You get in that there mine, you clean up all that stuff in there.

Get Grandma to fill in all the varmint holes along the street.

We don't want people thinking this town's just fit for varmints.

Now, you look here. Grandma and me, we ain't about

to go cleaning up no town that ain't even a town.

Now you listen, girl!

There's one thing we ain't arguing about and that's your helping out.

You always wanted to be a school teacher, right?

Well, you just might get your chance, girl.

School teacher?

Yeah, we're gonna build us a school house right next door to the saloon.

You know, we're gonna have a real town.

You two gone plumb crazy?

They always been.

All right, you all listen.

We're gonna have us a regular town here, and if we stop getting sass,

you all just might turn out to be as rich as us.

I can clear smell you boys is heading straight for trouble.

You going to smell trouble all right if we come back from Dodge

and find out there ain't been no work done.

Come on, Cousin Smiley.

Festus, I just don't understand

why Ada would leave you after one dance and go home.

You must have done something to hurt her feelings.

No, Miss Kitty. Honest I...

Bottle of whiskey.

I thought me and the marshal told you two to stay out of Dodge City?

'Less we had business, he said.

Now, buying whiskey is business, ain't it?

Ain't got no money for the whiskey.

That figures.

Just gold.

Gold?

Oh, ma'am, I'm wondering, could you tell me,

do you figure there's enough in here for a bottle?

Sam, you'd better take a look at it.

You know more about that stuff than I do.

- You see a dollar's worth there? - Well, it's raw gold.

You mean it ain't even worth...

- even worth a dollar? - I didn't say that.

- Well, what do you say? - Well, it's unrefined.

Can't weigh it, so it's just a matter of guessing.

As near as I can tell, Miss Kitty,

there might be 20 dollars here, maybe more.

Well, we don't have any way of measuring it...

I'll tell you what, why don't you boys just charge that bottle

and we'll settle up later.

Why thank you for your kindness, ma'am.

But we don't want you thinking that there's 20 dollars here.

No...

We just couldn't have dug 20 dollars' worth of gold in just two or three hours

- out on them old diggings west of town. - No, I bet it's just luck.

- We ain't gonna do as good tomorrow. - No, just purely old luck.

- Thank you for your trust. - Obliged.

Miss Kitty, you hadn't ought to trust them two.

Why, they're crooked.

They never got no 20 dollars' worth of gold in no two hours

in them diggings west of town, neither.

Look at 'em. Just like dropping a catfish hook

with a big, old, fat summer worm on it.

Lucky critters, that pair.

Twenty dollars gold in two hours.

More than luck, I say.

Fellas.

Merry Florene!

It's Festus!

Well, Merry Florene, it's nice to see you again.

Nice to see you, too, Mr. Festus.

What are you doing here in town?

I just come in to get some school supplies.

Oh, is that so?

We got us some young'uns out at the diggings I got to teach.

Yes'm, I heard there was a whole passel of folks

a-settling out at yonder during the week.

Just a miracle, Mr. Festus, way my brother Elbert and Cousin Smiley

done set up a whole town by themself.

Is that so?

Was beyond them, I was first thinking.

Um, Mr. Festus, um...

Mr. Newly still got that old gun shop of his?

Yes'm, he's still got it. He's in and out of there.

You can probably catch him over there directly.

Well, I reckon I'll wait around here a spell.

Sure good to see you again.

Nice to see you, too.

Oh, Festus. You're just the one I'm looking for.

Expect you're on your way to Garden City

to see about that stage holdup, ain't you?

Yeah. Second time in a month. Same two men, I guess.

Look, there's something I want you to do for me in the meantime while I'm gone.

You've heard about those goings-on out there by that gold digging field?

Oh, yeah, I've heared about it.

I don't understand everything about it, though.

Well, I don't either, but it seems like for a payment of ten dollars,

they'll give you a piece of ground to work.

If you're not happy with the amount of gold you're getting out of it,

- they give you your money back. - Oh, foot!

I've heard about that Matthew, but I'll tell you one thing.

The day that them two fellas gives anybody their money back,

I want to be there to see it.

Well, that's what I've got in mind, Festus.

I want you to take this ten dollars and go down there

and put it down on a piece of land.

There's fifteen men and their families living out there,

and as far as I'm concerned there's something fishy going on about it

and I want you to go out there and see what it is.

You betcha.

Meantime, tell Newly to keep an eye on things around town here for me, willya?

You betcha. Sure will.

If there's any trouble at all, wire me in Garden City.

I'll do her, Matthew. So long.

Morning, Mr. Newly.

Merry Florene. What brings you to town?

I got myself kind of a job, Mr. Newly. School teaching.

It's a school my brother and cousin be opening.

Yeah, I heard something about that.

I want to wish you a lot of luck with it, too.

Them diggings ain't so far from Dodge.

No, just a few miles.

I mean, I won't be busy teaching day and night.

Not hardly.

I mean...

Well, seeing you're so busy and everything,

- I could be coming into Dodge. - Huh?

Well, you don't have to be ashamed of sparking a school teacher,

like maybe you was ashamed of sparking me before.

Now, wait a minute. Wait just a minute.

There was never any question of me being ashamed or anything like that.

Well, you never took it up to no serious sparking.

And... I figured if I weren't ugly or nothing,

that maybe it was just 'cause you was a little bit ashamed of me

- on account I wasn't no town girl. - Well, of course you're not ugly.

It's none of those things. It's just that a girl...

a girl doesn't go around wanting to know why some fella isn't sparking her.

Oh. Tsk! I been too forward.

Fellas and girls, they just naturally come together

without the girl asking outright.

Well, how would that work, Mr. Newly?

Well, for an example, a fella says to a girl...

he says, "Would you like to go to the church picnic Sunday?"

or, "Would you like to go riding in the buggy?"

And if she says yes, then that's exactly what they do.

Well I'd be saying yes right away you asking me a thing like that.

Except I didn't.

Mr. Newly, you notice anything different about me?

I don't think I know exactly what you mean by that.

The way I growed up.

When we first met, you remember?

Yeah.

I weren't nothing but a girl.

Well, I'm sort of a woman now...

- I mean, kinda. - I can see that.

Well ain't you gonna ask me to go out buggy riding with you?

There you go, that's... that's absolutely being forward.

Mr. Newly, it'd be kind of wonderful

if it was the other way around. The girl asking the fella.

You know what I'd be doing right away?

No, what?

Newly, you're sort of overpowering, you know what I mean?

Oh. Morning again, Mr. Festus.

Merry Florene.

That didn't look anything like it was.

Oh, that so?

You walk in here and what looks like... like...

- Well, it just isn't. - Newly, I feel plumb bad

about busting in right in the middle of the thing that...

that wasn't what you didn't say it was.

I... I feel plumb bad about it.

Well you didn't bust up anything.

Well now, don't just get all riled up.

You know, you ain't the first fella that I've ever saw

trying to sweep a girl off her feet.

And it's like Merry Florene said, you... you was plumb overpowering.

Did you come in here for something?

Oh! Matthew wants you to look after the town while he's gone.

- Well, all right. - Well.

Don't get so blamed huffy about it.

You're getting just as bad as old Doc is.

Getting to where a fella can't rag you none at all no more.

You just pooch up like an old toad and your eyes start to...

Well, howdy, Festus.

Howdy, Louie. Heh.

You digging for gold there, are you?

Started just yesterday.

Too early to figure on having any luck.

Well, you ain't got dug down too deep there, yet.

But there's been a lot of jibbering and jabbering

going on in town all week about folks finding gold.

Have you seen nary a bit of it yet?

Well, not me personally, but...

them two fellas be doing all right.

Oh, is that so?

That tunnel. They're keeping it for themselves.

They found their bed of gold yet?

They ain't saying too much.

But they ain't letting nobody in it.

Mm-hm.

Uh-huh.

- You want something in Gold Town? - Gold Town?

Yeah, didn't you read that there sign coming in?

Shoot, he can't read.

All right, smart aleck,

I took me a long look at that sign and that's what it said.

Gold Town.

Well that's so people don't get mixed up,

you know, to know there's gold here.

What's on your mind?

Well, things is a little slack in Dodge

and I just figured I might come out

and do a little bit of digging myself.

You ain't acceptable.

We want family fellas here.

That's right, we be more interested in setting up a town

than having some old bum come out here...

No, take it easy, deputy. No... no offense meant.

No offense meant. We just want family folks to...

to keep our school we got going, that's all.

I ain't got no young'uns myself, but I just figured

that a little dab of schooling wouldn't hurt me none.

Besides, it costs ten dollars,

and we don't trust nobody for the money.

All right, Mr. Bigmouth. I got ten dollars.

What's that there look like? There's ten dollars.

I don't reckon you fellas has got anything to hide being out here, have you?

You pick a place that ain't been dug and dig.

Fair enough.

I bet you he was sent to watch us.

We ain't breaking the law.

Well, it ain't that so much, Louie, it's just that I know blame well

that there's something shady going on here.

They ain't asking anything of us, Festus.

We don't dig no gold, we get our money back.

Just the same, I'm a fixing to keep my eyeball peeled on them two.

I'd just give a-plenty to know what's in their heads, too.

I'll tell you that for sure.

Don't remember this place ever being so busy.

I'd soon keep clear of Dodge. Why don't we put up around here?

Somebody must be making a dollar, the work going on.

Worth looking over.

Well, Elbert Moses, that ought to just about do it.

Cousin Smiley, when do you think we ought to get things rolling?

I'm a firm believer in bringing happiness to folks

just as soon as I can.

Let's get to going on it, huh?

Huh?

Now, we's going to learn our letters by drawing them.

And it's going to be real easy,

'cause each letter's gonna remind us of something.

Now.

What letter looks like a house?

- Sue? - An "A" looks like a house.

Very good.

Now, that's a "O".

Now, I want you all to try and write your letters

from A going as far as you can

and I'm going to be right back.

You're not supposed to cheat.

Cheating? Well, who's a-cheating?

Onlyest thing I was trying to do was to see that...

that you got started off on the right foot, don't you see?

Oh.

Grandma, working no saloon ain't gonna tax your strength none, is it?

Ain't no problems, at all, Merry Florene.

Well you find yourself getting tired,

you just take yourself a little nap now, you hear?

Yes, I will, honey.

Lemonade.

- How's that? - That's fine. Put some right there.

I heard something!

- What you doing in here? - Just looking around.

Get back out there to that there school.

Want people to think we ain't got a civilized town here?

Yeah, we got to keep the land values up.

That's right. Cousin Smiley says we're gonna make us 10,000 dollars

selling them land lots after the hullabaloo starts.

What hullabaloo?

Uh, we'll tell you all about it later, Merry Florene.

But right now we got a lot of work to do and you get out of here.

Go on, get out of here!

Why didn't you just come right out

- and tell her, you big blab? - Ow!

All right, that's enough salting.

Come on, give me that gold. Let's get out of here.

Boy, I bet you that old-timer there's just been in more gold mining camps

- more years than he can remember. - There's some truth to that, sonny.

Oh. Oh, well we was just saying about how we sure wish

we had an old-timer with us, show us how to wash gold.

- You know, we being such babes and all. - Yeah, that's right.

Well, there ain't much to it, you... you just pound what you dig

out of that tunnel and wash it in the water.

Well, gold droppings is heavy.

You'd find it just staring out at you.

Well, I'll tell you, we sure would appreciate it if you'd kind of...

well, show us how the washing works.

I reckon I could spare the time.

- Obliged. Obliged. - Thank you.

Well, I've seen more efficient things,

but it'll probably wash, I guess.

Get them buckets full of water. Where you boys been digging?

Right at the bottom of that shovel there.

It's going in.

- All right, Elbert Moses. - Here goes.

Okay, put some water in. Flush it.

Right. Water.

Easy.

Now, this heavy dirt... that's anything with gold in it,

sort of works its way down.

Then all you have to do is just keep this going.

A fella might do a little bit of a prayer, too.

- What? Something wrong? - What is it?

You just put the water... keep the water coming.

- Did you find something? - Keep that water coming.

- What is it? - Did you find something?

Well, what is it?

- You did it. You boys did it! - What?

That's gold! Gold! Real gold!

You boys did it! Gold!

Five dollars a shovel full.

- Are you sure, old-timer? - Am I sure, he says.

Biggest strike I've seen in 20 years and he says am I sure.

This don't hardly seem possible.

Don't hardly seem possible he says. He wants it in gold bricks.

He wants it in a chain on his vest.

Gold! I got gold! I found gold!

Elbert Moses, just goes to show you...

Work hard and you get there.

Cousin Smiley, I still can't believe it.

- Try. - I will.

Hold it. Taste it. Smell it.

You've got the world right there in your hand.

Squeeze it and hold it. I've been waiting 20 years for...

Wait a minute! Hold on! Now, where'd you get this at?

Where did I get it, he says.

I shoveled it right out of that tunnel wall in there.

That's where I got it at. Just waiting for the right day and...

and the right hour, and the right shovel.

I found gold! Gold!

- We found gold! I got gold! - Gold!

A gold find?

Don't think I'm in a hurry to leave here.

Gold in Gold Town!

You boys sure named this place right.

You got 10,000 a week coming right out of that there little tunnel.

Ten thousand a week?

Maybe more! Maybe more!

Well, I gotta go do my own panning.

Hold it, friends. Hold it. Hold it.

Now, you folks stuck with us. And we're sharing.

And I bet you there ain't nobody wanting his ten dollars back, is there?

All right. All right.

Now, I'm gonna tell you what we're gonna do for you good folks of Dodge.

We're sharing Gold Town. Yes, sir. Yes, sir.

Me and Elbert here, why we're gonna be satisfied

with this little old itty-bitty piece of ground right here.

And we ain't taking a penny's worth until that gold proves out.

Until we start shipping that 10,000 dollars' worth

like our old friend here says, huh?

So, you all go to work in your diggings,

and starting tomorrow, you come and sign up

for keeping your ground.

Oh, yeah, and we ain't gonna charge no more than, oh... 200 dollars a head.

Uh, but we're giving everybody a whole week to raise the money!

- How's that? - Huh? Huh?

You put my name down right now, you hear?

It's down, old-timer.

Deputy.

Come on, Elbert Moses, we got work to do.

Let's go.

Got some more for you boys.

Real fine, Merry Florene.

Can I see what a poke of gold looks like?

Get your hand off that.

Here, Merry Florene, uh...

take a peek at my poke, huh?

Look at the way that gold sparkles.

- Ooh, that excites a person so. - Now, put it back. We got work to do.

Brother Elbert. Cousin Smiley. I'm just so proud of you boys.

You just doing things right to make up for all those things you done wrong.

Dadgum it, will you stop it?

Now, get out there and sew some more pokes to put this gold in.

- I'm doing that. - Well, go on, git.

I tell you, that teaching school has sure set her off.

Hope it don't make her too smart.

Oh, don't fret on that, cousin.

With all that teaching, she's still dumber than a stick.

Oh, ain't it exciting, Mr. Festus?

Just don't figure.

Don't figure at all.

When we moving in?

Well, they like to brag how much gold they're putting together.

We hear ten thousand, be about the right time.

Mr. Newly!

Looky me!

My, that dress looks real fine, Merry.

It's my brother and cousin's doing. They said to come into town

and buy everything I wanted to, charge it to them.

Well, I'm so happy everything's working out so well for you.

Mr. Newly, you haven't been out to Gold Town to visit me.

The Marshal asked me to stay here while he's gone.

Which reminds me, if you see Festus, tell him the Marshal wired me

a description of one of those horses the outlaws are using.

Tell him to keep an eye out for a pinto.

Mr. Newly, you want me to come in and visit with you tonight?

I'm sorry, Merry, I'm gonna be real busy.

Cousin Smiley, you sure nobody else got a right to open these here boxes but us?

That's what that Dodge freight fella told Merry Florene

when she got 'em for us. Besides, it's our property, ain't it?

You sure know your way around townfolk, Cousin Smiley.

- Come on, let's get them locked. - All right.

Hyah!

Are you sure, Festus, it's the proper thing to do?

I mean, a man's diggings is like his house.

You ain't invited in, you got the chance of being dead

the minute you get past the door.

Louie, this here whole deal is crookeder than a dog's hind leg.

Now, believe me, it is.

When a thing don't add up, it just plain old don't add up.

That's all there are to it, don't you see?

Did you say ten thousand?

In that neighborhood.

Don't you think you ought to send it on over to Kansas City government office?

- For a small fee they'll refine it. - Uh-uh.

We don't want no government fooling around with our gold.

No, you just take it to that Hays City office,

where they got that big strong safe and put her there.

Okay. Here's your receipt.

Still gonna do it, Festus?

Oh, of course I am.

The minute they sit down to eat their grub, I'm gonna do it.

I am.

Hyah! Hyah!

Know something, Cousin Smiley?

I don't hold no grudge against them town people no more.

Elbert Moses, that's a good thought.

It's like the Good Book says,

don't get to hating them you been cheating.

- Good Book says that? - Oh yeah.

And it goes on to say do unto others before they do it to you.

Shoot, I got to read the Good Book more, when I take up reading.

Fill 'em up.

You sure are lucky. I had my aim on your stupid head.

Smells plumb lovely, Grandma.

Mine's got something squiggly in it.

Now, Louie, you stay out here and keep your eyeball peeled.

Ain't gonna be gone long?

No, I ain't gonna be gone...

I'm going to fill up this here toe-sack with ore.

And I'll guarantee you, Louie,

you ain't gonna find enough gold in it to fill up a thimble with.

And if that's the way it is, then they been a-playing

that old game of Salt the Diggings.

We've been robbed! We've been robbed!

- We've been robbed, Festus. - Where at?

Well, they hit us on the upper canyon trail, Festus.

They wounded the shotgun.

We're going to take him on in to see Doc.

Did you get a look at the robbers, did you?

Well there... there were two of 'em, they had their faces covered.

One was riding a pinto, if that's any help.

Pinto? Oh, Mr. Newly told me to tell you that Matt Dillon said to...

to keep your eye out for something like that.

All right then, Burke. Now, the minute you get in town,

get a telegraph off to Matthew and tell him we're up here.

I'll see if I can pick up their trail over in the canyon.

Now, don't you men worry none about your gold.

If it's... if it's not recovered, the freight company

will be sending you a check for the 10,000 dollars' declared value.

Grandma!

- Come on, let's get out of here! - Hyah!

Elbert Moses, people just putting money in our pockets

and there ain't no way we can stop 'em.

Ten thousand dollars ain't bad pay

for putting dirt in those gold pokes, is it?

We ought to go into the town-opening business.

Gonna name the next one after you, Cousin Smiley.

Hate to interrupt that nice dream.

- What... - Where's the gold?

- Cousin Smiley. Gold? - Eh?

Now, maybe you've got your own reasons for wanting people to think

you got twice the gold you have. We don't care.

Just lead us to them gold pokes you've been filling here all week.

Oh, we done... uh, we shipped out all the gold we had.

We know the difference between plain dirt and gold, mister.

You be them stage robbers.

Well, why don't you all just...

just ride out ahead and get in front of the posse.

Five seconds, you won't be able to say where you got those gold pokes.

Look, I... I'm tellin' you. There was never no gold.

In the second you got left, you say where it is.

Back further in the tunnel?

Maybe that sister of yours holding it for you.

Cousin. She's my cousin.

No. Now listen, you don't understand.

There was never no gold. We just... we put dirt in all them pokes

so that the townfolk would think that we found gold, you see?

That's right. That's right.

We put it in them... in them strong boxes for storage in... in Hays,

you know, so we could go on cheating the people and getting credit

- and selling the town. - Brother Elbert, that ain't true!

You boys couldn't be that mean.

Me getting in Dodge and getting credit and people trusting me and...

- Now, Merry Florene... - There is gold! There is gold!

You boys, for once in your life, you done something good.

There is gold! Say there is!

But Merry Florene, you don't understand!

What I understand is nobody could be so mean

as to make people work in this here town for a whole week.

Now, of course there's gold, I seen it!

- You showed it to me, Cousin Smiley! - Merry Florene, shut up!

I'm telling you there's no gold!

There ain't!

Their horse is right there, Matthew.

That's just how it was.

Just that little old itty-bitty bit of gold

- made everybody believe everything. - That's right!

Ain't never heard such a story in all my life.

- I don't believe it. - And me a school teacher.

I won't never be able to face Mr. Newly again,

and maybe him thinking me and Grandma been in on it.

A stack of bibles couldn't convince me you two don't know were the gold is.

Now you got one minute to fetch it on up here,

or little sister gets the worse of it.

- You mean we can leave? - We'll be right back with the gold.

Be right back!

- Oh! - Whoa!

Come on.

Hold it right there. Drop the guns.

Go on, drop 'em.

Get your hands up.

All right, let's go.

What's going on?

Well, uh... there it is, Marshal.

Every penny that... that the townspeople paid us.

We don't want none of it.

No. No. No. And, uh... and we want you to know, Marshal,

that we was just testing security and all, like...

like you'd say, sending that dirt on the gold stage.

Well, now, hold on just a minute here.

Now what about all these bills you've been running up in town?

We're gonna pay 'em.

- Everyone. - Someday.

Uh, not someday. You're gonna start today.

Uh, well, we... we... we ain't got no job.

Well, I'm gonna give you boys a choice.

You either go out and find yourselves some jobs

and start paying those people back,

or you can spend your time waiting for Judge Brooker in a jail cell here.

- We still gonna have to see the judge? - Monday morning.

And you'd better take my advice and if you want him to be in a good mood

you go out and get yourselves some jobs.

Oh, Marshal.

Maybe you might be interested in buying some good town lots cheap?

Oh, yeah, there's a whole bunch of them right down on the other side...

What about Ada?

If you got yourself a new pair of boots, you could probably dance.

I don't give a hoot about dancing.

And I don't give a hoot about Ada, neither.

Mr. Newly! Mr. Newly.

- You just won't never guess. - What's that?

Well, you know Miss Ackrons, the regular school teacher?

Well, she done took sick, and they be saying that

I can teach them children until she gets well.

Well, I think that's right nice, Merry Florene.

And you know what else?

Well, them... them childrens got this class they call the kindergarten.

And, um, they say that that might be a real nice job for a beginning teacher.

Well, I think that sounds like a real fine opportunity, Merry.

And you know what that means? Means I can stay here in Dodge and...

and you won't have to go traveling all around the country to spark me.

Well, I... I gots to go.

But I just wanted to tell you the good news.

Um, Mr. Newly?

You can just pick me up at that school house any old time.

Goodbye.

Newly, ain't I been hearing

that that there school teacher, Miss Ackrons,

is a little bit sweet on you?

Not that I know.

Well, I've heared a lot of folks say that...

that she's really got her eyeball peeled right on you.

Well, right now I've got my eye peeled on a lot of work I'm behind in.

Huh!

Two schoolteachers sweet on old Newly?

Sure am glad it ain't me.

That's enough to boggle a man's brain.

Just make you want to flaunt and bellow

and throw a regular conniption fit.