Original subtitles

Starring James Arness as Matt Dillon.

♪♪

And you can tell your friends in Upper Sandusky that you stood

at the bar with Bull Bannock himself.

That sure is something.

The only man who can claim to be the retired,

undefeated heavyweight champion of the world.

Has-been heavyweight champion of the world.

And kindly stop chewing my ear.

What did you say?

You heard me.

"Has-been"?

That's right.

Has-been and blowhard and...

You watch your words, mister.

I'll watch nothing.

It's a free country.

I wouldn't be surprised

if I could flatten you myself.

That'll be just enough of that.

Is that so?

Yes, that's so!

My customers don't have to

- put up with your noise! - Your customers...

The class of people that come in here don't have to have

- the likes of you... - What people?

I don't see any people.

- I never seen any people. - Out. Out!

- Aah! The bar's so... - Get out! And right now!

- Out! - All right! All right!

And don't bother to come back!

Come right in, folks,

- and make yourselves... - Good evening, Bull.

Mind if I come in and sit a spell?

Sure, go ahead, Maude.

You'll have to leave when the place starts filling up.

You know my trade.

All them swells and society folks.

They're a little fussy who they're talking with.

You got a good memory, Bull.

What are you talking about?

About the place filling up.

You haven't had a swell or a society toff in here

for two years.

Well, it's-it's a little early now.

But they'll be coming in. Honest, they will.

Oh, come on, Bull.

We're in the same boat, you and I.

Look, the-the party's over.

Ah, nobody wants us anymore.

Speak for yourself.

I retired undefeated, you know.

Oh, sure.

Yeah, we both retired undefeated.

No, Bull, it's all over.

End of the line.

It's the town, that's what the trouble is.

New York just ain't what it used to be.

It's full of pickpockets, fly-by-nights,

cheapskates...

It always was.

You just didn't notice it.

Well, I don't want 'em in here!

Maude, I been thinking it over.

I'm gonna take that offer, sell this place, and get out!

And go where?

Out West.

I been reading about a little place

called Dodge City, right here in the paper.

It has an article.

Read that.

Sounds like my kind of town and my kind of people.

Doc, how 'bout you and me pitch a little game of horseshoes?

- No, I'm not interested. - Checkers, maybe?

No, I'm not... Well, now, I might be interested in checkers.

That is, if I knew where I could find myself a checker player

with some integrity, which I don't.

Well, now, I 'splained you that.

Yes, I don't want to hear any more ""splainin" about it.

I can understand how a very small wager

of five cents a game can be an awful big temptation

for a man with very little conscience.

- Or no conscience at all. - Now, I'll admit

I get a little raunchy when they's money on the game.

But this here game was different.

Now, when I crossed my legs and kicked that table over,

- why, it hurt me - Oh!

As bad as it did you.

- Yes, well, I... - And I was...

Well, what a delightfully pleasant surprise.

Good morning, Doc. Festus.

Got wind you was back in town, Professor.

And fate favors the righteous.

Who better to aid me

in a somewhat embarrassing predicament

but my two dearest friends.

It seems when I left my lodgings this morning,

- I did... - You forgot your wallet.

How did you guess?

You told me the same story, two months ago.

I did?

Ah, by Jove, I'm getting a little forgetful.

Well, no harm done.

And it's a glorious morning.

Well, now...

There's a gentleman who veritably reeks with money.

That there's some Eastern dude.

Been in town a couple of days.

Ah, me.

Looks as if I got back in Dodge City

at a most propitious time.

Well, gentlemen, it's been a distinct pleasure.

Au revoir.

Hope that fella's got buttons on his pockets.

Howdy, boys!

And how's the world treating you?

Hey, there.

Would you like to arm wrestle a little, huh?

Well, it's mighty fine just seein' you.

Got a mighty fine town here

and I thought I'd tell you myself, personally.

And how are you there, my boy?

My boy.

Oh, well, now,

Miss Kitty Russell.

Am I right? You're the owner of this establishment?

I am.

I'm pleased to meet you, Miss Kitty.

I'm Andrew J. Bannock.

Well, I'm very happy to meet you, Mr. Bannock.

Please call me Bull.

Bull Bannock from New York City.

A little of him would go a long way.

Yeah.

Barkeep!

Bring me your best bottle of champagne and two glasses.

That's a $20 gold piece.

- So what? - What's champagne?

Ah.

Oh, that's beautiful.

I reckon it must have spoiled on him.

Yeah.

Miss Kitty.

Thank you.

- Here's to your health. - Thank you.

And to the best business deal you ever have made.

What business deal?

I'm buying you out.

Lock, stock, and cash on the barrel head.

Oh?

Well, $12,000.

And I think that's a mighty fine price.

Well, I certainly do, considering the fact

that, uh, the place is only worth $8,000.

But I'm not selling.

I warn you, Miss Kitty.

I didn't get where I did taking no for an answer.

Where did you get?

Well...

I was the heavyweight prize fight champion

of the world!

I retired undefeated.

Well, I'm certainly glad you got out in time.

Oh, I got out when I wanted to.

And I've got the belt to prove it!

Hey, he's the champ. That's Bull Bannock. See that belt?

- He's the champ. - Yeah, champeen about ten years ago.

- I don't believe it's true. - Hi, fellas. -Hi, Thad.

- Hello, Miss Kitty. - Thad.

This was over at the depot.

- Thought I'd bring it by for you. - Well, thank you.

- Wonder what it is. - I don't know.

Sam, would you come here a minute?

- I'll be seein' you. - All right.

Uh, just a minute, young fella.

Well, now...

you've got a pretty good build on you, you have.

Have you ever done any prize fighting?

Well, I've been in a few,

when I couldn't go around them.

No, I don't mean that.

I mean professional fighting.

You know, scientific-like.

- No. - Oh.

- Come on, put your dukes up. - Well, what for?

Just put 'em up there. Put yourself on guard now.

That's it. Now, see?

There you go.

Just watch where your feet are. That's it.

Don't stumble all over the chairs.

See? I had you. I almost had you there.

Well, do something here.

Throw something. That's it.

Oh, I almost had you there, see?

Go on.

Come on!

Get it up... well, throw something at me! Come on!

You see, I could've floored you

the first three seconds of the round.

- Maybe so, but I, uh... - All you need is training.

Training, me boy. Now, after I've settled in here,

I'll teach you. I'll make a pro out of you!

- Well, I'll think about it. - You'll think about it?

Wait a minute!

How do you like that?

The world champ offers to teach him,

and he's gonna think about it.

Ah.

Mr. Bannock, you'll have to excuse me.

I have work to do.

Thank you very much for the champagne,

and I'm sorry we couldn't do business.

Oh, we will, Miss Kitty.

We will.

Set 'em up, Sam.

Boys, you're drinking with Bull Bannock.

Now and from now on.

- I'm buying the place. - Buyin'?

Where have I heard that?

You ain't figuring we're gonna drink this stuff, are you?

Well, why not?

Because it's gone and spoiled on you, that's why.

Darn near busted the bottle to pieces.

Fizzed all over the place.

It's champagne.

It's supposed to do that.

It is?

Well, certainly.

Come on, now, boys.

Drink up!

It's not every day you get champagne.

Here's how.

Ew! That's awful!

Matter of fact, we were just leaving.

We'll have a drink with you some other time, perhaps.

- Thanks a lot. - Yeah.

Oh, now, wait a minute, boys. It's already poured.

- Come back here! - Good-bye, sir, and, uh, thank you.

- Uh, thank you, sir. - Ah, you're welcome.

I, uh, hope I'm not intruding, sir,

but I couldn't help overhearing your little, uh,

colloquy with some of our citizens.

Do you like champagne?

With an expertly selected vintage such as this, sir,

I do, indeed.

Well, help yourself.

You're a man after me own heart.

Well, thank you. Here's to your very good health, Mr. Bannock.

Welcome to Dodge City.

Well, now, you recognize me, eh?

Well, that's hardly remarkable, sir.

You're a very famous man.

Even here in the wilderness.

You know, I kind of thought that more people

might recognize me out here,

but so far, to tell you the truth,

you're the only one that has.

Well, you'll find that most of these people

are somewhat primitive.

Oh, you mean like them monkeys that just walked out on me.

Uncouth louts.

Permit me to apologize for their rude boorishness.

You called it. Boors is what they are.

I'll drink to that.

Ah.

Oh, we're gonna get along real nice, you and me.

Yes.

This is more than I'd hoped for, sir.

Sam, break out another bottle, for me and my friend here.

Yes, sir.

Yes, indeed, Sam. Break out another bottle.

Yes, sir.

♪ The ocean white and wide ♪

Oh!

- Bread and butter. - Bread and butter.

- ♪ - To where your heart ♪

♪ Has always been ♪

♪ Ever since you became ♪

♪ My bonny bride ♪

- ♪ My bonny... ♪ - No.

Wait a minute, darlin'.

We just passed my hotel.

Ah. You're buying it, too, huh?

I'm not buying it. I'm just staying here.

That's too bad. Too bad.

You don't want to give people

the wrong impression.

Well, I don't know why you'd say that.

The people told me this was the best hotel in town.

Oh, it's adequate, adequate.

For... itinerant peddlers

and transient cattle buyers and such ilk.

Mm-hmm.

But not for a man of your status.

Oh, well, if you say so.

You know, there's only one place for you, Bull.

It's a quaintly exclusive little establishment.

Cora Argyle's Continental House.

As a matter of fact, I happen to reside there myself.

Cora Argyle's

- Continental House. - Continental...

- I got it, Professor. I got it. - Doesn't matter. Doesn't matter.

- She wouldn't take you anyway. - Nah.

Why not?

Well, Madam Argyle's a very peculiar lady.

She just will not have anything

to do with strangers.

Well...

you're not a stranger.

So why don't you talk me up to her?

Maybe.

Maybe I could do that.

Of course, you know,

these quarters are not inexpensive.

Oh, well, I'll fix that.

Would $50 a month be enough?

Excuse me.

Here's $20.

There's $30,

$40, $50.

Yes.

It might.

It just might, if she's in a good mood.

I'll let you know tomorrow.

Come on. Open up, Professor.

I know you're in there.

I can hear you breathing.

What do you want?

I want you to open this door, you old coot!

And hurry it up!

Mm...

Come on, open up!

I'm coming.

Good day, madam.

Don't you "good day" me, you old faker.

Carousin', comin' in at all hours,

wakin' up the whole house.

And just look at the shape you're in.

You do have a valid point.

And where's the rent?

I suppose you spent it all on beer.

Beer? Madam, I am not a peasant.

Just what was the extent of our monetary, uh, misunderstanding?

If you're asking how much,

it's eight dollars you sneaked off owin' me

two months ago, plus 75 cents for the three days

since you been back in town...

Where'd you steal that?

Please... Here.

- Ten dollars! - And keep the change,

out of my appreciation for your many kindnesses in the past.

Well, cast your bread upon the waters.

Oh, uh, just a moment.

I may be in a position to take a couple of white elephants

off your, uh, hands.

What are you talking about?

Those two "druppy" rooms upstairs

that you persist in calling, uh, master suites...

How much?

$30 a month.

Each.

Well, then I think $20 will be adequate.

Uh, there's a week in advance.

You mean you're moving upstairs?

Ah, yes. I shall occupy one of the rooms,

and a very dear friend of mine from the East

will occupy the other.

What kind of friend?

A Mister...

Andrew J. Bannock.

Oh.

Former champion of the world.

Champion at what?

An endeavor that I fear

that you are not fully equipped to comprehend.

Well, some days, it sure pays to get up.

Oh, one thing more.

Mr. Bannock has a peculiarity.

I thought there'd be a catch to it.

He dislikes intensely

any discussion of the subject of money,

and all financial transactions will go through me.

Is that clear?

There'll be no need to talk about it

as long as I keep gettin' it.

Precisely.

And now, madam,

I bid you good day.

I wonder what it would be like to...

retire and take it easy for a while.

Well, now, from what I hear, you've had an offer

that could let you do that.

Ah, I wouldn't know what to do with myself.

Oh, I don't know, Kitty. You might find you enjoy it.

You know, this is a pretty tough job.

You sayin' I can't handle it?

No, I'm not sayin' that.

Uh-oh. Look who's here.

Sam!

Hi, Mr. Bannock.

- How are you today? - Fine, thank you.

Howdy, boys!

Well, you turned down some good champagne yesterday.

And everybody here's getting all their cards, are they?

Well, Miss Kitty.

You're looking bright and chipper this morning.

Oh, chipper as a lark.

Matt, I want you to meet

the former heavyweight champion of the world,

Mr. Bannock; Mr. Bull Bannock.

Marshal Dillon.

Pleasure, Mr. Bannock.

Marshal.

So you're the local law, eh?

The businessman's friend.

Well, I don't know if they'd all agree with you on that.

Well, you'll not have any trouble with me,

'cause I've never had any trouble with the law

in all me life.

Glad to hear it.

Well, young lady,

are we all ready to sign the papers?

Well, I don't know about you,

but I'm not; not now or ever.

Oh, you women.

Tell you what I'll do.

I'll raise the ante $1,000.

$13,000 for the place the way she stands.

No.

You're driving a hard bargain.

$14,000, and that's final.

- Take it or leave it. - I'll leave it.

I'll give you one more day to think about it.

I don't need one more day.

But you're not gonna get a price this good.

- Now, if you'll just listen... - I'm not interested!

How could you not be interested?

Mr. Bannock, I think she's saying no.

You are the hard-headedest woman I think I ever met.

Thank you.

And, I might add, one of the most attractive.

Nice to have met you, Marshal.

Oh, by the way, Marshal...

have you ever done any fighting?

In the ring, that is.

Did a little in the army.

Well, maybe one of these days,

we can spar a few rounds together.

Miss Kitty.

Well, boys, will you have a drink with me?

No, thanks, we already got ours.

Another time, Mr. Bannock.

I can afford me own, thank you.

Well! Champagne, Mr. Bannock?

No, thank you.

I don't want nothing right now.

Ah, there you are, Bull, my boy!

My good friend the professor.

It's good to see you.

Say, you had a rather large evening last night.

- How do you feel? - Fine!

Never felt better in my life.

How'd you make out?

Well, I'll tell you.

I talked to the landlady.

Oh, I talked myself blue in the face.

But she finally gave in.

I was able to get the suite for only $75 a month.

Oh, well, fine, fine.

Here.

Here's the other 25.

Oh, no hurry.

Thank you.

I'll take you over there when you're, uh, ready to go.

Can I buy you a drink?

Don't mind if I do.

Sam?

Two beers.

Coming up.

You know, maybe I ought to let you handle this deal here.

Uh, Kitty doesn't want to sell, huh?

No, and I even upped the price.

Well, there are a couple of other places down the street.

This is the best in town!

Number one! First class!

Bull Bannock goes first class!

Mm...

Well, maybe we'll have to do a little persuading.

Here you are, gents.

- Sam. - Thank you, sir.

Persuading?

Yeah, just leave the details to me.

I'm thoroughly familiar with the intricacies

of doing business in these parts.

You know, grease a few skids and...

the complexion changes.

Certainly it'll change the whole complexion of the thing.

But it will cost.

Well, how much?

Mm...

maybe a couple of hundred.

Couple of hundred dollars.

Here.

There's one...

and two.

That's cheap enough, if it'll get the job done.

Oh-ho-ho.

It'll go a long way to getting the job done.

Tell me, Gopher... how you doing?

Are you broke?

You think I'd be doing this if I wasn't?

Uh...

Yeah. You're worthy of better things.

You still got those skeleton keys?

Oh, no.

I-I-If the marshal caught me stealin' again,

he'd rack me up good.

There's no stealing involved.

You mean it's, uh,

i-it's something legal?

Well, let's leave the, uh, question of legality

to the court, shall we?

Let's say that it's... easy.

Easy, huh?

There you are, boys.

Well, first one of the day!

11:00, straight up!

A businessman's breather.

Anybody's breather.

Well, they ain't going to get any fuller waiting!

Help!

What's the matter?

I've been poisoned!

I don't think I'll ever talk again,

or even breathe, maybe.

Well, you're talking now.

Well, that's hard!

Oh, Sam, me throat's aflame!

- How do you do it to us? - Do what?

It's got kerosene in it.

That's right!

Well, I'm sorry, boys.

It's the first I've drawn this morning;

it was all right last night.

I'll never get rid of the taste.

Good customers like us and he tries to poison us!

This has got kerosene in it, too.

I don't understand.

Somebody must have broke in here.

- Come on, lads, let's go. - Yeah.

There's a saloon down the street we can trust.

Oh, now, wait a minute, but...

Wait a minute, boys, I'll get a new keg!

I'll put it...

Don't go.

Miss Kitty!

You've got a lot of nerve, showing your face in here.

Well, I couldn't very well talk about our deal

without coming in, could I?

You thought you could force me to sell, huh?

Force you?

- Scare me. - Scare you?

Well, I would rather give this place away

than let you get your hands on it.

Well, now, hold on a minute,

there must be some sort of mistake...

There has been a mistake,

and you've made it.

Now you get out of here right now,

or so help me, I'll throw you out of here myself!

Big mouth, championship belt and all!

Hold on, now...

I said to get out of here!

And don't you ever come back!

I have never been put out of a place in all me life.

The only reason I'm leaving now, is 'cause I want to.

I'll be back to talk to you later,

when you've calmed down!

Get out!

Good day.

♪♪

Entrez.

Ah! Good morning, my friend.

Good morning, Professor.

Sit down. Have some coffee.

Uh, no, thank you.

Look, Professor... I think something went wrong.

Oh? How so?

Well, I was just over to see Miss Kitty.

She was boiling mad.

I thought she was gonna lay the fist on me.

You don't say.

Professor,

I think you better stay out of things awhile.

Ah, it's a shame.

What's a shame?

Things. Uh...

Arrangements.

Political ineptitude.

Political?

Well, your New York Tammany boys

bobble a situation now and then, don't they?

Political machine in Dodge City?

Yeah, it's very hush-hush.

I think we're going to have to initiate the ultimate plan.

No, no, Professor. Uh...

I think maybe we better drop the whole thing.

What?

Well, you see, I came out here in the first place,

I... I thought the people might start liking me.

But it don't seem to be working out that way at all.

But it will.

When you're running Bull's Place,

with that big sign you were telling me about.

And those carpets.

And the lights that you're gonna get from back East.

And you're packing them in night after night

and you're the boss.

Oh, it would be great, all right.

I mean, that room will hold nearly 100 people.

And everybody laughing and shouting

and having a good time and they're all wanting to meet you

and hear about those prizefights.

You'll be part of their town.

It'll make all the difference in the world.

That's exactly what I want.

To mix in, be a part of things.

Mm-hmm.

Well, it will take a little extra, maybe $200 or $300,

but it will be worth every cent to pull it off.

Yeah.

How much did you say, Professor?

Mm... five hundred dollars.

It will be worth every cent of it.

Hey! Hey, what are you doing?

Hey! Hey, let go of that table!

Shut up!

Stop it!

Hey, what are you doing?

What's going on?

Sam!

Sam, what are you...

Sam?

Oh...

Oh, they must've got some of that bad beer.

Stop it!

Stop it, all of you!

Stop it!

All right, hold it there!

Hold it right there.

Kitty, what's happened here?

I don't know!

It's them two here that started it, Marshal.

Is that right?

All right, get down off of there.

The rest of you, break it up and get out of here and move along.

The bar is closed.

Hold on right there.

You two know each other?

We used to ride for...

Never laid eyes on each other in our lives.

What about Bull Bannock, either of you know him?

- No, never heard of... - Never heard of...

Uh-huh.

Or the professor?

Never heard of him, either.

No. No.

Thad, take these two down and lock 'em up.

Right.

Come on.

Kitty, Matt had no choice.

He had to release them.

Bannock put them up to it and you know it.

Well, of course I know it, and so does Matt,

but we can't prove it.

Judge Ben set bail and the professor paid it.

They'll jump that bail.

Well, they're probably gone already, for all I know.

And I'm out the cost of repairing the Long Branch.

Hold on a moment there!

Morning, Miss Kitty.

What do you want?

Well, I can't come into your place anymore,

so I'll have to catch you out in neutral territory.

You're not going to catch me anyplace, mister.

I heard that you had a bit of a ruckus last night.

Glad to see that you weren't damaged.

You heard about it.

You dirty rat.

Why, you...

- Get your hands off of her! - Stay out of this, boy!

I said, leave her alone.

All right, boy.

Just hold on a minute, and I'll be right with you.

Glad to oblige.

Please, now, wait a minute...

He's been asking for it, Miss Kitty.

Please don't do this.

Please, Thad.

Come on, Bannock.

- Come on, get up. - Oh! Ooh! -MAN 3: Get up.

Ooh!

Come on, Thad.

Keep your left up.

Right!

- Ooh! - Ooh!

Try a left, Thad! Try a left, Thad!

- Come on! Come on! - Protect yourself!

Come on, give it to him!

- Give it to him, boy. - On your feet, boy, on your feet!

- Come on. - Get up!

That's it!

Come on, come on, boy!

Get up.

Get up, Thad! -Come on!

What's going on here? What happened?

Clearly a case of self-defense, Marshal.

The boy jumped me.

That's true, Matt.

Thad went for him first.

How is he?

He's coming to, Marshal,

but he's gonna know he's been in a fight.

It was terrible!

It was plain murder!

It was self-defense, like I said.

Yeah, but you pushed him into it.

I swear, if I had a gun right now, I'd use it!

Heavyweight champion of the world.

Well, what are you waiting for, applause?

All right, Marshal, I'm leaving.

You can have your hick town.

I want no part of it!

The sooner the better.

Good riddance!

It's all over. Break it up, move along.

Let's get him up to Doc's.

Hey, wait a second, old friend.

Hey, you were magnificent.

Absolutely magnificent.

The town will never forget it.

- Well, this town hates me. - Nonsense.

They only acted that way

because the boy's one of their own.

Well, I'm not one of their own

and I'm not gonna be.

Professor, I'm getting out. Out!

Where you going?

I don't know. Anywhere but here.

Listen, this is no way to retire undefeated.

Oh, forget it.

Wait a minute.

You're making too much out of all this.

As I said to you before,

once you open your magnificent establishment

the whole picture will turn upside down overnight.

Kitty wouldn't sell to me now, for a million dollars.

For a considerably smaller sum,

I have the solution to your problem.

Yeah, well, it's the Long Branch or nothing.

You know how I am, I want the biggest and the best

- or nothing at all. - Exactly.

The biggest and the best...

and that's what you're going to build.

Build?

There's a vacant lot right down here on Front Street.

And I know that we can get it

for half or even a third of what it's worth.

The owner's a born gambler, and I know he's out of funds.

- But I can't build... - Everything...

brand-new.

Plush, lots of mirrors, bright lights.

It'll make the Long Branch look like a livery stable.

Oh, certainly it will.

It'll be a beautiful place.

As you say, lights and mirrors.

It'll be full of people every night.

That's right.

Oh, but Professor,

do you think the people will really change toward me?

Of course they will.

Just leave everything to me.

I'll do just that.

You still have that vacant lot, next-door to the feed store?

The one nobody wants?

What if I do?

Well, I might just be willing,

out of the goodness of my heart,

to take it off your hands.

If the price is right.

How much for the lot?

Oh, come on, Professor, get out of here.

How much?

Five hundred dollars.

I'll give you $300 cash.

Cash?

Cash.

Cash...

♪♪

Well, what do you think?

Oh, it's a nice lot.

There's a lot of space here.

It's worth $1,500 if it's worth a nickel.

Can you really get it for $1,000?

I'm certain of it.

That owner's due here any minute.

Maybe you'd better give me the money now

and let me do the talking.

That I will.

One thousand dollars.

Now, of course, you realize

that this is all out of the center of things.

Oh, that's one of the big advantages,

away from all that dust and, uh, noise.

Well, I'll settle for that.

It's true all right, isn't it?

And, uh, don't forget,

Bull's Place will be the center of things.

Well, of course, it will.

Hey! There's-there's Mr. Freely now.

Uh, you're just on time.

- I am? - Yeah.

This is Mr. Freely, the owner.

This is Mr. Bannock.

Mr. Freely. It's nice to know you.

Uh, Gopher, I understand

that you're a little, uh, short on cash.

Well, I-I got a couple of dollars.

How would you like to have a lot of dollars?

For what?

For what?!

Well, this worthless pile of dirt!

The thing we talked about!

It's, uh, it's a good piece of land.

Yeah, good if you want to raise prairie dogs, maybe.

Now, Gopher, you know that I'm a man of my word.

You know that I don't haggle.

I'm gonna make one final offer and that's all.

All right.

A thousand dollars.

I turned down $2,500, just a few months ago.

Have you had any offers lately?

Fella might come back.

Gopher, did you ever think

of how far $1,000 would go in a poker game?

It takes money to make money.

It'd sure shake up that game.

Have we got a deal?

I was... expecting more.

Take it or leave it.

I... I'll take it.

I got the deed right here.

Well, now, then, Mr. Freely, it's a deal.

Oh.

Hurts, huh?

Something fierce.

You don't have to eat it, you know.

Doc, I tell you, every chew hurts,

but this tastes too good to stop.

Thad... looks like you chose the wrong man.

Yeah, I guess I did.

I hoped I'd find you here.

Ah. Sit down, Professor.

Thank you, thank you.

And how are you today?

Fine, thank you, Bull.

The lumber's all set.

I just received a confirmation of our order.

Fine, fine.

Would you care for some lunch?

No, no, no, we haven't got time.

You won't believe the good fortune that's befallen us.

Good fortune?

Bull, this is a coup to end them all.

I just saw...

I'll tell you this,

that professor's been a busy little old scamp.

Whatever it is he's doing,

it's illegal or close to it, you can bet on that.

Just be sure you keep an eye on him, Festus.

What in the Sam Hill do you think I've been doing, Matthew?

I'm so blamed hungry I could eat a polecat.

Why, I haven't sat down one time

since you told me to follow him.

You're not going to be sitting down much longer, either.

- Well... - Wait a minute.

For heaven's sake.

What for?

Well, don't just jump. They just left.

You get too close to 'em, they'll catch you.

Doc, is there anything that you ain't got advice on?

Good heavens, I've got enough sense not to go look...

you couldn't track a bull though a cornfield.

What in thunder's the matter with you?

They're getting away.

You see there?

Well, of course. Now's the time to go.

- They're far enough... - No, you know no such...

You haven't got time to eat! Get on out...!

Kind of makes your day, doesn't it?

Oh, it's wonderful.

I never saw anything like it.

Do you want something?

Oh, hello there, Mr. Burke.

We were just looking at this stuff from the East.

My, uh, my friend was feeling a little homesick.

Yeah? Maybe your friend should go back East.

Well! That's not very polite.

There's a lot of good stuff here.

Yeah. A rich mining man in Pueblo ordered this stuff.

It was supposed to go the rest of the way by wagon,

but he went broke before it got here.

Now they're holding this stuff for freight charges.

I mean, look at this.

Lamps and-and crystal.

Chinaware.

How much do you, uh, think this is worth?

Well, you see this chandelier over here?

If it's all in this class,

I'd say give $3,000 or maybe more.

Ah. Well, if I, uh, handle it right,

maybe I could get it for less than two.

You mean it?

Well, the commission broker's on the spot.

He's got to pay the freight charges.

He wants to get off the hook.

Well, I'd like to get on the hook, my friend.

Boy, could I build a place with this!

Here, see how you make out with that.

Ah. Believe me, friend, you're in good hands.

I've been wanting to talk to you about that.

What do you mean?

Well... I...

I'm not very good with words,

you know, all, you know, about the way I feel.

You see, I-I, I've never really had any good friends.

For some reason or another,

people just don't seem to cotton to me.

But you...

well, you've made up for it.

You're the best friend I ever had.

Well, I had to tell you,

'cause I'm grateful to you for it.

You've...

You make me feel very...

humble, my friend.

Very honored, too.

And I assure you,

with the utmost sincerity,

that I reciprocate completely.

Oh, Mr. Bannock!

Oh, how are you, Mrs. Argyle?

I'm just fine, Mr. Bannock.

I don't know whether I ought to mention this.

The professor said you hated to talk about money.

Well, now, that all depends.

Well, the thing is,

I ain't seen the professor,

and your rent was due yesterday.

I thought my room was paid for a month in advance.

Only for one week.

The professor gave me ten dollars...

five for each room.

You mean my rent is not $75 a month?

Seventy-five dollars?!

Why, you could have the whole house for that.

Burn it down, if you like.

That old fox been lying to you?

Please, madam, he's a friend of mine.

He's a friend of nobody's.

He don't know the meaning of the word.

He's as crooked as a snake.

Ask anyone.

I'll do that.

It was shipped out this morning, by wagon,

to the owner in Pueblo.

But I, uh...

I-I don't understand.

My chandelier...

Who paid the freight bill?

It was paid in advance.

What are you talking about?

Well, the professor said that this whole thing was...

Oh. Everybody in town's been wondering

how long it'd take you to get wise to him.

Oh, they have, have they?

You were right, Matthew.

That little scamp's up to something.

Just a minute or two ago,

he bought hisself a ticket clean to Californey.

Festus, keep an eye on things here, will you?

I'll do it, Matthew.

Don't you worry about nothing!

Well, this is a surprise.

I, uh, I didn't expect you.

What now, Professor?

Going on a little trip, are you?

Oh, just overnight on a little business deal.

Ah, yes.

All the way to San Francisco?

Uh, Bull, I saw the broker. It's all set.

He'll have the bill of sale for that furniture... ready tomorrow.

Professor, I saw somebody, too.

You know the fellow that I bought the lot from?

He told me quite a story.

Oh, well, he's a liar.

And I talked with Mrs. Argyle

and the freight agent at the depot.

A-A-And what did they try to tell you?

My friend, you are a low-down dirty crook!

Now, don't you lay a hand on me!

Now, stand back, I'm warning you.

Oh, dear.

How did I ever get mixed up with the likes of you?

My friend!

Come on, Professor. Get up and fight like a man.

What's going on here?

What's the matter?

What...?

He's dead!

Professor!

Profe...

Let me out!

Mr. Bannock, let me out!

Mr. Bannock!

Please, Mr. Bannock!

I want to talk to you, Bannock.

Out of me way, Marshal.

I said I wanted to talk to you.

I've done nothing. Now out of me way.

Great heavens, what happened here?

You...

You look awful.

You look wonderful.

No, no, old friend,

I deserve whatever retribution you had in mind to seek.

Well, honest, Professor, it wasn't that you should die.

Well, maybe so, but...

Well, now, wait just a minute here, both of you.

Well, but Marshal, I'm grateful he isn't dead

and I refuse to have him arrested for...

"Swindling" is the term.

Whatever.

You mean you're not pressing charges?

That is my decision.

All right.

Thank you.

Now, what about you?

You mean about my old friend's impetuosity?

"Assault and battery" is more like it.

Well, in the face of his generosity,

how can I do otherwise?

Release him.

All right, now that just leaves two things.

What's that, Marshal?

Well, the first is paying the damages at the Long Branch.

Oh, don't worry about that.

I'll leave Miss Kitty some money and she can fix

that grand old place up any way she likes.

All right, fine.

And the other thing?

I want you out of town in one hour.

Both of you.

Excellent, excellent.

I was heading for California anyway.

Well, would you like some company?

I'd be delighted.

You know, a thought just occurred to me, Professor:

With my money,

and your ingenious ways... Legalized a bit, of course...

We could have a partnership that'd just go on and on and on.

Wait a minute.

Marshal, there is one other thing.

What's that?

It's the belt.

Would you like to have it?

After all, you won it fair and square.

Well, uh, thanks, Bull,

but, uh, you better hang on to it.

After all, it, uh,

well, it wasn't exactly a title fight, you know.

Oh, thanks a lot, Marshal.

You know, when we get to California, I'm going to...

Stay tuned for scenes from next week's Gunsmoke.